#215, #461: Sneasel & Weavile

Sneasel fan art.

Sneasel was supposed to be one of those Pokémon you should start using in Pokémon Gold and Silver, with very decent attack and excellent speed, but dark and ice (Sneasel's types) were still special in Gen. II and III and Sneasel has an abysmal special attack stat, which kept it from being useful at all. It was mainly a Pokédex filler, until Gen. IV came around and the physical/special split occurred. And to crown it all, Sneasel actually got an evolution: Weavile. And it's not even a considerably good one flavor-wise. Sneasel, a sneaky little motherfucker based on weasels and possibly cats, is notoriously vicious and is known for stealing eggs from unattended Pidgey nests (probably also from nests of other bird Pokémon) in pairs: while one Sneasel drives the parents from their nest, the other steals the eggs. They then feast on them. It's common knowledge that weasels - especially stoats - occasionally steal eggs from bird nests and eat them, so I'm not surprised. Weavile is even less interesting in that regard: they are more devious than Sneasel (no shit), hunt in packs and leave mysterious markings on trees or ice in order to signal companions. However, there is one thing that's interesting about Sneasel en Weavile: both are obviously based on weasels, but in Japanese mythology there is actually a weasel demon with sickles on its front legs called the kamaitachi. It uses the sickles to cut people, but even though that causes a sharp wound, there is no pain. In many regions of the country it's often associated with ice and snow, which is a nod to Sneasel and Weavile's ice typing.

Weavile about to throw a Shadow Ball, from the looks of it. Not that it's going to
inflict a lot of damage, because Weavile's special attack is as dreadful as Sneasel's.

They may also be based on the Western and Japanese superstition when it comes to black cats and weasels, respectively, both notorious for being sneaky and associated with evil and misfortune. Although the superstition about black cats derives from Western, medieval witchcraft, Sneasel and Weavile don't really look like black cats and they sure as hell don't have magical powers (well, Pokémon are magical creatures an sich, but you probably know what the fuck I'm talking about). Weavile's appearance, however, seems to be based on old Egyptian fashion: it wears a headdress, a collar, earrings and 'eyeshadow' similar to Egyptian deities, especially Bastet or Sekhmet, who are often depicted with a cat's head - the former is even considered the god of cats. In addition, both were famous for using their claws in warfare.

TCG art of Weavile.

And Weavile uses its claws in warfare, alright. It's fast and strong, but it's also very fragile due to its mediocre HP and defenses. In other words, your opponent knows exactly what to expect from this thing: a fast-as-hell (because Jolly) wallbreaker or revenge killer with a somewhat predictable moveset: Fake Out, Knock Off, Icicle Crash and Ice Shard, often backed up by a Life Orb to strengthen all of its attacking moves. However, since Weavile is so frail, it could also hang onto a Focus Sash, which leaves it at 1 HP when attacked at full health. Also, that moveset I just mentioned isn't exactly the most reliable one. To start with, Fake Out has only 50 base power and isn't even powered up by STAB, so it could easily be omitted, even though it's a decent way to cause damage and make the foe flinch upon the switch-in of Weavile. Because there are many heavy Pokémon in the OU tier Weavile resides in, Low Kick is an option, as it does more damage to heavier foes like Heatran, Tyranitar and Ferrothorn. Poison Jab and Iron Tail work on fairy types, which Weavile is weak to, and Ice Punch could replace Icicle Crash because its accuracy is higher - although many people prefer the higher base power of Icicle Crash. And while Ice Shard is perfect to finish opponents because it has increased priority, it's a rather weak move that should be reserved for a dark-type move that can be used once Knock Off becomes redundant, like Night Slash (which has a higher chance for a critical hit, too).

I hate Sneasel and Weavile's flavor, because Game Freak are once more stating the obvious when it is clearly present in their designs: one look at these Pokémon and you'll know they're up to no fucking good. It's a shame, because Weavile's design is really cool and its typing makes it a great offensive threat in the competitive metagame. Game Freak could have done a better job with this Pokémon, but I quite like it and it doesn't deserve a bad rating by any means.

Rating: 4/5

#214: Heracross

Heracross is ready to fuck up its opponents. 

Everything Game Freak did wrong with Pinsir they did right with Heracross. Pinsir is still a competetent and likeable Pokémon, and I didn't give it a 4.5-star rating for no fucking reason, but let's face it: with its ability to learn a ton of fighting-type moves - including its vast fighting-type level-up movepool - Pinsir should have been fighting in the first place. Heracross is less obviously a fighting type in its design (although its Mega form makes up for that) and doesn't learn as many fighting-type moves as Pinsir does, but it's definitely better than its 'predecessor'. Like Pinsir, Heracross is based on a popular bug species used in insect fighting, namely Japanese rhinoceros beetles, which are known for their incredible strength. Heracross, whose name is derived from Ἡρακλῆς ('Heracles', a demigod of Greek mythology more commonly known by its Roman name Hercules) and 'cross', has a flavor that could be expected from a combative bug: the claws on its feet are strong *blah blah blah* it uses them to dig them into the ground to gain a secure and solid footing *yada yada yada* hurls opponents and competitors for food over great distances with force *wah wah wah* thrusts its prized horn under enemies' bellies and flings them far way *yada yada yada* can lift 100 times its own weight and topple trees *blah blah blah*. No surprises there at all. Heracross feeds on fresh sap from leafy trees, though, and while it's usually a gentle and docile Pokémon, it will chase anyone who disturbs it while feeding on tree sap.

That's a sign of a serious tree sap addiction, if you ask me. I would check into rehab if I were you, Crossy. The sooner the better.

Official Mega Heracross art

In all seriousness, though, Heracross has gotten a nice new tactic in competitive play: a Mega. While I initially thought it was just a weird Mega evolution when it was first revealed, it has gradually grown on me since. Its design actually makes a lot of sense, too. It's already in Heracross's name, but Mega Heracross is based on the Hercules beetle, which is obviously derived from that same Greek demigod I was talking about earlier. The oddest thing about Mega Heracross is that its torso apparently resembles the grille of an air conditioner very much, doesn't it? It also functions as such: when it unleashes its maximum power, its body temperature increases dramatically, so it opens the shells of its arms and torso to let the heat escape. And it does indeed unleash its maximum power, because it has a whopping base attack stat of 185! Only Mega Mewtwo X exceeds that with a base attack stat of 190, but that's a legendary Pokémon and all, and Heracross most definitely isn't. It does lose a little speed upon Mega-evolving, though, so it allows you to not run a speed-boosting nature like Jolly but an attack-boosting nature such as Adamant instead. With a maxed-out attack stat of 260, Mega Heracross hits like a pulp truck crashes into an invisible dome. In other words, it hits HARD. And with the Skill Link ability, which allows moves that randomly hit two to five times to always hit five times, and a few nifty moves that benefit from it (Bullet Seed, Rock Blast and STAB Pin Missile), Mega Heracross is a force to be reckoned with. It can even use Swords Dance to boost its attack stat to utterly ridiculous levels.

It looks like this Heracross is swinging an opponent around. I believe it's Salamence,
but I couldn't be entirely sure. 

But there is also regular Heracross. It doesn't have access to Skill Link like Mega Heracross does, but it has some formidable abilities that it can use instead: Guts gives Heracross a 50% attack boost when it is inflicted by a status condition, which is why you can give it a Toxic Orb or Flame Orb to hold, while its hidden ability Moxie raises its attack by one stage every time it knocks out an opposing Pokémon. The latter works very well with a Choice Band or Life Orb rather than a Toxic Orb or something, as an Orb item only hinders Heracross when it doesn't have Guts. Both sets allow you to run a Jolly nature, but you should shy away from multi-strike moves. Go with moves that will do a massive amount of damage instantly, such as Close Combat, Megahorn, Earthquake, Stone Edge, Knock Off, Facade (only in conjunction with an Orb item) and either Night Slash or Shadow Claw.

3D (or semi-3D?) art of Mega Heracross, to be found in the Furious Fists expansion
of the Trading Card Game. The shells on its arms are open in order to ventilate its
body. 

Yes, Game Freak did a lot of things right with Heracross, and this Pokémon is a huge step forward compared to regular Pinsir - whom Game Freak did fix somewhat with a Mega. And while Mega Heracross is a monster, I'm still not a huge fan of its design. Yes, I know it's supposed to be based on a Hercules beetle, but the openable shells on its arms and torso makes me think like it's some kind of ventilation shaft. And to me, that's not exactly the definition of 'ordinary'. Then again, Pokémon based on magnets (Magnemite and Magneton) or gears (Klink, Klang and Klinklang) are quite out of the ordinary too, but at least their designs and flavor revolve all around that aspect instead of that aspect being just a small part of their designs. Like I said, I've come to appreciate Mega Heracross's design little by little, but for now I can't give it a perfect rating yet. It's a bit weird when you consider I'm giving 5-star ratings to Pokémon like Shuckle, Furret and Unown, but that's just the way it is.

Rating: 4.5/5

#213: Shuckle

Official Sugimori art of Shuckle.

This is a tricky Pokémon...

Shuckle is the one Pokémon with the most extreme stat distribution, being either the best or in the bottom three of every base stat category. First off, it is tied with Mega Steelix and Mega Aggron for the highest base defense stat and has the highest base special defense stat, period. Both sit at a monstrous 230, although they're offset by Shuckle's terrible base 20 HP stat. It kind of renders those defenses tricky to utilize, as it wears Shuckle down more easily than you'd like. But aside from its good defensive stats, Shuckle also has some atrocious other stats: it is tied with Munchlax for the lowest speed stat, tied with Feebas and Bonsly for the lowest special attack stat, and tied with Magikarp and Blissey for the second lowest attack stat (only Happiny and Chansey have a lower base attack stat). You'd think that Shuckle is impossible to use at all in competitive play, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. It's mainly used as a support Pokémon, sure, but a good support Pokémon despite the low HP stat that hardly backs up its defenses. And in spite of the fact that I love Shuckle for what it is, I'll never use it in competitive play (I'm not really a competitive battler to begin with), simply because I'm sure I'll never make good use of it and because I want a more reliable tank.

Amazing papercraft Shuckle.

While it wasn't used very often prior to X and Y, Gen. VI was kind to Shuckle and gave it access to Sticky Web, a move that lowers the speed of every opposing Pokémon by one stage when they enter the battlefield. That's handy to let the rest of your team get the edge they possibly need over faster foes. The rest of Shuckle's moveset should consist of Stealth Rock for setting up entry hazards on the opponent's side of the battlefield, Encore to lock the opposing Pokémon into some move, and either Infestation or Toxic. Toxic instantly inflicts the foe with bad poison, but Infestation does immediate damage and damages the foe significantly every turn while it also prevents said foe from switching out. Could be useful if you want a Pokémon to stay in if it can't hurt Shuckle all that much. Unfortunately, you'll have to choose between a physically or specially bulky Shuckle, because you need to invest in its HP. If physically defensive, go with a Bold nature, and if specially defensive, a Calm nature would be a good idea. Either way, Shuckle is slow and is very susceptible to Taunt, so give it a Mental Herb to remove the effects of that move. And don't worry about Shuckle getting one-shotted, because it has the Sturdy ability, which leaves it at 1 HP if attacked at full HP should the attack have knocked it out. Gluttony lets it consume a berry earlier than usual, which it doesn't need, while Contrary reverses stat changes, which is only handy if you have a Shuckle with Superpower - lowers attack and defense by one stage after use - or something. And that's a move it doesn't even learn.

A Shuckle wallpaper. Just because there isn't anything else to be found on the
Internet. 

It's such a shame Shuckle can't make use of some awesome moves it gets. Shell Smash lowers its defenses by one stage while it boosts everything else by two stages 'cept for HP. Too bad 'everything else' on Shuckle is downright terrible and disappoints even when maxed out (six stages). Power Trick is a nifty move that switches Shuckle's defense with its attack, which lets it temporarily get an attack stat equivalent to a base 230 stat. Unfortunately that means its defense will be paper-thin, but with Sturdy it should be able to live a hit. If you can pull it off, it's a nice gimmick. Substitute would only break Sturdy because it requires 25% of Shuckle's health, and Shuckle doesn't have any means of recovery except for Leftovers, which I don't recommend giving it. The Rest/Sleep Talk combo would only take the spotlight off of other, more handy moves Shuckle has. This Pokémon is basically a one-way road: everybody knows exactly where you're going with this thing.

A shiny Shuckle in the anime.

But I don't love Shuckle because of its competitive utility; no, I love it for its design. I know it's a bug Pokémon, but it's so adorable. There are some bug types that have a couple of features that make them look kind of cute, but can you name one bug type that's as cute as Shuckle (and no, the recently announced Cutiefly for Pokémon Sun and Moon doesn't count)? I didn't think so. Given the organisms it may be based on, it's no mean feat to make it appear cute, though: Shuckle is based on an endolith, an organism that lives inside porous rocks or animal shells, and possibly also scale insects - small, shelled parasites that produce a sweet fluid called honeydew that attracts other insects. Shuckle does a similar thing: it likes to collect berries and store them in its shell, then liquefies and ferments them with its digestive juices for it to consume or be used to dissolve rocks with so that it can hide under them. But wait, does Shuckle ferment the collected berries with digestive juices or does it turn said barries into a unique juice? Bulbapedia claims it's both, although that website is just a source that keeps information about what the anime and games explicitly say about Shuckle, so blame it on Game Freak. Or Nintendo. Or The Pokémon Company.

Whatever, one of the three.

More anime Shuckle. Don't you think it looks adorable?

Anyway, other organisms Shuckle may be based on are mollusks - due to the use of acids to receive foods or break obstacles, the liking for fermented foods, the tendency to live near water, and the seemingly limp but actually muscular feet - and, appearance-wise, turtles and vases/jars. The Japanese tsubo, the Korean danji, the Chinese hú and the German Pott all mean 'jar' and refer to Shuckles tendency to store berries in its shell. Shuckle's Japanese and Mandarin Chinese names, Tsubotsubo (ツボツボ) and Húhú (壺壺), contain the words fujitsubo and ténghú, respectively, and both mean 'barnacle'. It's probably the holes in its shells rimmed with white that make it look barnacle-like, but I think that's a bit of a stretch.

I love Shuckle. I know I said I wouldn't ever use it anymore, but that doesn't mean I never tried. I had a Shuckle in Black 2 or White 2 (I forgot which one) and carried it around on my team. It already had Power Trick upon capture and I tried the tactic over and over again, but it was just way too unreliable and I boxed it before I got to the Pokémon League. However, I adored this thing even before that: Gold and Silver were my first Pokémon games, and I remember a PokéManiac in Cianwood City would offer you to take of his Shuckle named Shuckie for a while because he was scared of Team Rocket and wanted Shuckie to be taken care of by an experienced Trainer. I realized it wasn't very good in battles, but I kept it anyway (who didn't?) and stored it in the PC. I felt like such a thief, but at the same time I didn't care because I loved everything about that thing. And because I still have a love for this adorable critter, I'm giving it a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#211: Qwilfish

TCG art of Qwilfish.

You know, fugu has been the most celebrated and notorious delicacy in Japanese cuisine for centuries now, and in the 17 years Qwilfish has been around, nobody thought, "Hey, let's chop this thing to pieces and eat it." Of course, fugu is lethally poisonous, and it was even banned in Japan a couple of times. Only chefs who have qualified after three or more years of rigorous training are allowed to prepare the fish, and preparation of it is strictly controlled and supervised by law in Japan and several other countries. The Emperor of Japan is even forbidden to eat the dish, for his own safety. And as Qwilfish seems to be a mix of the pufferfish and the porcupinefish - both of which are poisonous (pufferfish more so than some species of porcupinefish) and can inflate their bodies by swallowing air or water - it is not a surprise why it's part poison. The concept of the pufferfish could have been very interesting, but there are just a couple of problems with Qwilfish.

Qwilfish fires its spines at its foe after swallowing 2.6
gallons water all at once first.

First off, I feel like its design could have been so much better than it is right now. Many puffer- and porcupinefish look more colorful and interesting than Qwilfish, so I guess Game Freak could have made something better when it came to this Pokémon. Right? I mean, simple designs can be effective, but nothing about this thing makes you go, "OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!!!" No. Second, Qwilfish's flavor is everything a real-life pufferfish can do: like real-life pufferfish, it can inflate its body. It then uses the water pressure to fire poisonous quills at its enemy, which real pufferfish can't do, admittedly, but at least they can extend their spines and emit poison from them. It's not that much of a difference; plus, there are other, more interesting Pokémon that can do the exact same thing. Also, it's a poor swimmer due to its round shape, especially when it is inflated. Fascinating, or nah? Nah, not exactly. Lastly, Qwilfish seems to have mediocre base stats all around. At 95, its attack is its highest stat, while all of its other stats seem to be too low to make anything out of them. I'm gonna try nonetheless.

Now, buckle your seatbelts, kids. It's gonna be a rough ride. (!)

Yes, Qwilfish, you're a doofus. I know.

Oh yeah, I forgot this thing has access to the Intimidate ability, which lowers the opponent's attack stat by one stage. This could turn out to be interesting. At least it makes Qwilfish a decent Spikes or Toxic Spikes setter, especially when you breed one with an Impish nature and invest in HP and defense. And while Taunt (makes the opposing Pokémon unable to use support moves) and Thunder Wave (indefinitely paralyzes the foe) are very common moves for Qwilfish to use as well, an attacking move is absolutely necessary. Waterfall inflicts some decent damage due to Qwilfish's high attack stat, while Scald deals low damage due to its terrible special attack but has a 30% chance to burn the foe. You can also use Qwilfish as a suicide lead, meaning you have to slap Explosion on it and let it blow up first turn - when your opponent has a hyper-offensive team, that is. But Qwilfish has other abilities as well, namely Poison Point and Swift Swim. The first has a chance to poison the opposing Pokémon when it hits Qwilfish with a attack that makes contact, but it shouldn't be used; instead, go with Swift Swim, which doubles Qwilfish's speed in the rain and lets it outspeed many Pokémon, even with an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. Give it a Life Orb or Choice Band, put moves like Waterfall, Aqua Jet and Poison Jab on it (last-minute moves like Destiny Bond and Explosion are also viable options in this set), and you'll make the most out of an offensive Qwilfish. Such a shame it doesn't learn any support moves that raise its attack. There are plenty of tactics you can use, but I still think Qwilfish is an average Pokémon and that you should avoid using it.

Lately, there have been quite some Pokémon on this blog I happen to dislike: Sunflora, Wobbuffet, Dunsparce... and now Qwilfish. And except in Dunsparce's case, I didn't even realize I disliked them in the first place; they were just there and I didn't really care about them. I still don't, in fact. Qwilfish is not as bad as the previously mentioned Pokémon, especially because Game Freak tried to make something out of it, but I guess it's an unexciting Pokémon altogether and it falls just too short to receive a passing grade.

Rating: 2.5/5

#209 - #210: Snubbull & Granbull

Snubbull first appeared as the leader of a group of antagonists in
the Pikachu short "Pikachu's Vacation". This short was shown
in movie theaters before the main film (Mewtwo Strikes Back).

Okay, Granbull used to be treated like trash. It wasn't very popular, but ever since it went from a nondescript normal type to a dragon-slaying fairy type in Pokémon X and Y, people have come to love it. I have to admit that I'm one of those people. Because, let's face it, having an edge against dragon types and losing a weakness to fighting-type really helps Granbull in the competitive scene; heck, it's even better to use it in-game now that it's pure fairy. I started to use a Granbull in one of my Pokémon X or Y playthroughs (I forgot which one), and because of its strength and versatility it was the MVP of my team. I've absolutely come to love this thing, and I think its typing fits its pink design much better than it did prior to X and Y. Of course, the same counts for Snubbull, although I have to say I don't really care for that Pokémon in the slightest: it's kinda ugly and it doesn't stay around for long anyway, as it evolves into Granbull at the early level of 23. The best thing about Snubbull is its appearance in the anime, in which it was in the possession of Madame Muchmoney (I swear to Satan I'm not making this name up). However, she - it was a female Snubbull who wore ribbons on her ears - was not happy with her life at all and started roaming about Johto chasing Meowth's tail, until she evolved into Granbull, bows and all, and returned to her owner.

Little Snubbull in a Granbull onesie. That's adorable.

While Snubbull might look gruff and grumpy, it is actually kind, affectionate, caring, playful, devoted and loyal and therefore very popular among women. Its fierce appearance is just a façade and it tends to hide from fights rather than engage in them, growling eagerly to hide its fear from its opponents and trying to scare them away. It is saddened that others run from its frightening appearance. Damn, that is sad, poor thing. I pity you. Luckily Snubbull still have women like Madame Muchmoney (I still can't get over the name, seriously), who think they're cute rather than scary, although I can imagine that Snubbull have a desire to play with other Pokémon as well and not only with their snobbish owners. And although Granbull looks much more frightening than its pre-evolution, it is actually a timid Pokémon that only bites when it is startled. It will not bite indiscriminately, and if it's attacked it will flail about to fend off its attacker. If enraged, it will use its huge tusks for powerful fang attacks. These tusks are so heavy that Granbull has trouble keeping its head upright, tilting it a little.

Snubbull and Granbull made of fusible plastic beads. 

Snubbull and Granbull's classification and fairy typing might be a reference to the Celtic myth of the Cù-Sìth, which translates to 'dog fairy', and it is found in Scotland and the Hebrides (a chain of more than 100 islands and small skerries about 45 miles from mainland Scotland). There's a similar hound creature in Irish folklore called the Cú Sídhe. It is said to be the size of a young bull with the appearance of a wolf, and was feared as a harbinger of death that would appear to bear away the soul of a person in the afterlife, similar to the Grim Reaper. According to legend, the Cù-Sìth was capable of hunting silently, but it would occasionally let out three terrifying bays that could be heard for miles by those listening to it, even far out at sea. Those who hear the baying of the Cù-Sìth must reach safety by the third bark or be overcome with terror to the point of death. Here comes the interesting part, though: the baying was a warning to lock up nursing women lest the beast abduct them and take them to a fairy mound to supply milk for the daoine sìth (daoine sídhe in Irish), a supernatural race in Celtic mythology comparable to fairies and elves. You know, Pokémon is a great and interesting way to learn about folklore of different cultures or just learn about other cultures in general; and now that I've learned about the Cù-Sìth, Snubbull and Granbull's fairy typing makes a whole lot more sense.

I'm calling you a fairy, Granbull. You don't have to
be ashamed of it... 

I hope this knowledge lets you have more fun using Granbull, because it is honestly an amazing Pokémon to use. It has a tolerable defense stat and some mediocre special defense, but they're backed up by a pretty good HP stat, so it might be able to take a few hits. Of course, its base 120 attack is its best stat, but it can be quite zippy if you give it a Toxic Orb. Why? Well, Granbull has access to the ability Quick Feet, which raises its speed by 50% when inflicted by a status condition, although Intimidate helps improve its bulk due to the opponent's attack drop. Both are great, although it stands to reason that an Intimidate Granbull shouldn't carry a Toxic Orb, but rather a Life Orb, Choice Band or the Leftovers. In spite of its reasonable bulk, an offensive set on Granbull is much more common, and it has the attack stat and wide movepool to benefit from such a set. A selection of the usable moves that Granbull can learn: Play Rough, the elemental fangs (a little on the weak side), the elemental punches, Crunch, Earthquake, Brick Break, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Wild Charge, Power-Up Punch, Close Combat, Focus Punch (works well in conjunction with Substitute), Iron Tail and Super Fang. I just don't understand why it learns Outrage naturally, as it's a dragon-type moves that only covers dragon-type Pokémon. It's redundant, because Granbull has access to STAB Play Rough to take care of those pesky dragons. Anyway, the moves I just mentioned are only its attacking moves. It also learns a bunch of helpful support moves, especially when you run an Impish Granbull rather than an Adamant one: Charm sharply lowers the opponent's attack by two stages and gives Granbull a bit of momentum, Taunt lures the opponent into using only damaging moves so that they can't set up with moves like Swords Dance and Nasty Plot, Heal Bell cures the entire team of annoying status conditions, Toxic and Thunder Wave can be used to inflict status conditions on the opposing Pokémon yourself, Reflect and Light Screen help boost your entire team's defenses, and the Rest/Sleep Talk combo helps Granbull's durability even more.

Granbull 'bout to Thunder Punch the shit out of its opponent. "Who's a fucking fairy?
Yeah, you are!" 

I don't want to repeat myself too often, but I absolutely love Granbull. I feel bad that I've only started to love it since it became a fairy type in X and Y, but to the people who have always loved it no matter what: does it soothe the pain if I tell you I never hated it? I liked it, but I just thought it wasn't a special Pokémon at all. Come to think of it, I think it's only a positive thing that I've come to adore Granbull due to its newly acquired fairy typing, because fairy is my second favorite type behind steel. And it's always a good thing when a Pokémon grows on you, right? Well, at least it shouldn't surprise you that I award Granbull a perfect rating, something it would never have gotten if it hadn't been changed into a fairy type in the first place.

Rating: 5/5

#207, #472: Gligar & Gliscor

Ash is clearly doing something wrong if
his Pokémon is crying. Then again, if I was
a Pokémon, I wouldn't want Ash as my
Trainer, either.

Gligar seems to look like a combination of a bat, a scorpion and a gargoyle. The latter would be quite ironic, because gargoyles are building ornaments and usually tend to convey water from a roof and away from the side of a building, preventing rainwater from running down masonry walls and eroding the mortar between. And while they also have the function of frightening off evil spirits or demons and protecting the building it guards (most commonly a church), it is most often intended as a waterspout. Why it's ironic Gligar seems to be based on one, you ask? Well, Gligar is a ground-type Pokémon - with flying as its secondary type - and it's weak to water, so I wanna bet it can't convey it. The bat and scorpion elements are more eminent in its design, however, which is demonstrated by its Pokédex entries: it uses its membrane wings to glide from tree to tree or to fly directly to its prey, startling it then clamping onto its face with its clawed legs and pincers and finally injecting it with venom from its stinger. Gligar's typing has always been a little tricky, in my opinion, and I find it hard to see why it is a ground type. Because it's partly based on a scorpion, I think the bug type wouldn't look bad on it, but the type that would really fit it perfectly is the poison type. While it learns quite a few bug-type moves (U-Turn, Fury Cutter, X-Scissor, Struggle Bug and Bug Bite), it actually capable of learning a plethora of poison-type moves as well: Poison Sting naturally, a couple of TM moves like Sludge Bomb and Venoshock, and Cross Poison and Poison Tail through breeding. But ground? So, is the only distinction that it builds its nest on the edge of a cliff? Interesting, but it's hardly enough to define it as 'ground', so no, I can't say I see it.

Happy-go-lucky Gligar and Gliscor. I think that's just a façade and
that they're really ferocious motherfuckers. There, I said it. 

Of course, I mainly remember Gligar from the anime, in which Ash owned one that was quite a crybaby and was scared of heights and facing other Pokémon. It became somewhat clingy to Ash when it was gliding along with him and accidentally crashed into a boulder. Its fears disappeared when it had to evolve into a Gliscor in order to save Ash from a fall, but it was still the goofiest Gliscor I've ever seen, which I love. In reality, Gliscor isn't such a goofy Pokémon at all: it is a nocturnal Pokémon that emits a sort of sound wave in order to detect obstacles and fly around them - similar to echolocation - and it likes to sleep ot hunt for prey upside down; in short, it behaves very much like a bat. While it is capable of soundless flight, it uses winds and updrafts to glide from place to place, being able to circle the globe on just a single breeze. It even climbs to the top of tall trees to slide from tree to tree when there is no wind. Gliscor's legs don't seem to be suitable for walking, so on the ground it likes to... hop around? Goddammit, Game Freak, you don't make such a Pokémon do that. It's dumb. It's more evidence that Gligar and Gliscor shouldn't have been ground types in the first place, but at least ground/flying is a unique typing that only Landorus shares with them.

This is a very scary take on Gliscor. It doesn't
look quite like Game Freak intended it to, but
that's why some fan art is so awesome! 

While Landorus is a legendary Pokémon and is more of an offensive threat, Gliscor benefits from an excellent defense stat and respectable HP, which makes it a tanky Pokémon. Because it is already naturally physically bulky, you could go for a Careful nature to boost its moderate special defense instead of an Impish nature for its defense. However, the latter is a very viable option as well, and in the end it doesn't really matter which one you choose. What does matter, is its ability. Both Gligar and Gliscor have access to Hyper Cutter and Sand Veil; the former prevents their attack stat from being lowered, while the latter raises their evasion in a sandstorm, but neither are great. You want to have their hidden abilities: while Gligar has Immunity, which prevents it from being poisoned, Gliscor has an even better hidden ability in Poison Heal, which heals Gliscor a little every turn when it is poisoned. That's why competitive players often give it a Toxic Orb to poison Gliscor at the end of the first turn it's in play, and that prevents the opponent from inflicting another status condition on it, as Gliscor can't suffer from two status ailments at the same time. Basically, it's handier than the Leftovers. There are a couple of movesets you could run with Gliscor, but a support moveset is the more common one: Taunt is used to bait foes and lets them use only damaging moves, Toxic badly poisons an opposing Pokémon, Roost is handy to let Gliscor heal half of its HP, and Earthquake or Knock Off are viable options to inflict damage (the latter knocks off the opposing Pokémon's item, but Earthquake provides STAB). You could also go for a Swords Dance set and wreck house, especially when you use an Adamant or Jolly nature, or the Substitute/Protect combo. The Swords Dance set isn't quite as common, but Substitute/Protect has proved to be a very reliable combo for durability. It's your choice, I'm just mentioning all the options.

And just for the record, Gliscor learns a ton of attacking moves of many different types, so if you want to use it for in-game purposes, go ahead. It has the attack stat to hit relatively hard and the defensive stats to tank hits.

Another thing I love about Gliscor is that there is plenty of astonishing fan art like
this to be found on the Internet. It sure looks merciless...

I love this thing so much. From its stunning design, callous stance and vampiric looks to Ash's goofy Gliscor, all the breathtaking fan art from fans and its competitive utility, Game Freak have done a remarkable job creating Gliscor. Gligar needed an evolution and Gliscor is absolutely perfect. Even the evolution method isn't too hard to implement: just let Gligar hold a Razor Fang and level it up at night, and you'll have yourself a badass Gliscor. I haven't always loved it so much, but I'm glad to announce that I'm giving it a perfect rating now!

Rating: 5/5

#206: Dunsparce

I don't really want to review this Pokémon. I thought I didn't mind Sunflora and Wobbuffet's existence, until I reviewed them and found out that they're actually quite bland. Dunsparce, on the other hand, I have never liked. Sorry for the people who hold this Pokémon dear, but I think you'd better brace yourselves, because I'm not going to be nice.

Dunsparce in the anime.

And before we get right down to business: no, I don't think Drampa will be Dunsparce's evolution.

So, what will I discuss first? Its dumb flavor or its competitive utility? Well, let's start with the worst; maybe I'll find some redeeming competitive qualities in the end, although I doubt that somehow. Anyway, Dunsparce is based on a mythical Japanese serpentine creature that is called a tsuchinoko in Western Japan and as bachi hebi in Northeastern Japan. There are a number of people in Japan who claimed to have seen such a creature, so it's very much like alleged sightings of the chupacabra in Latin America or better-known bipedal creatures like Bigfoot in North America or the Yeti in the Himalayas: mostly tall tales and zero evidence. The fact that Dunsparce has wings, might be a reference to the Feathered Serpent, a prominent supernatural entity or deity in many Mesoamerican regions (it was known as Quetzalcoatl among the Aztecs, as Kukulkan among the Yucatec Mayas and as Q'uq'umatz or Tohil among the K'iche' Mayas).

Some very realistic interpretation of Dunsparce. Although it's based on a supposedly
terrifying creature, the end result is pretty dumb.

It also shares some traits with bumblebees - bachi hebi is literally 'bee snake', so go figure - and its stripes, tiny wings and stinger-like tail sure point that way, as does the fact that, when detected, Dunsparce likes to burrow into the ground backwards in order to avoid capture. Go figure. It is even capable of floating a little using its tiny wings, yet Game Freak have failed to make it a ground/flying type. And even though two seperate Pokémon of that type combination in one generation would have been redundant (in fact, Gligar and Gliscor are next in line), it would have fit Dunsparce greatly: it learns a ton of ground-type moves that fit its flavor, including Earthquake, Drill Run, Dig and Bulldoze, and is the only non-flying type capable of learning Roost naturally. It is even classified as the 'Land Snake Pokémon' in the Pokédex. Admittedly, it doesn't learn any other flying-type moves, but Bounce is the only flying-type move Gyarados can learn and it doesn't even get it by level-up, so that says nothing.

Fans have anticipated a Dunsparce evolution for some time now,
and this is approximately what it should look like according to
them. What its typing is, you ask? Normal/dragon or dragon/flying.

No, Dunsparce will have to do with the mediocre normal type instead, and while there are some very good normal-type Pokémon out there, Dunsparce is not one of them. It possesses some considerable bulk; its HP is a very passable base 100, but its defenses leave a lot to be desired. It's perfectly capable of taking a few hits, but considering the tier it resides in (PU, which can be seen as an extension of the NU tier, only shittier - with the exception of Luxray, so I think I'm gonna sue Smogon) there are a few better options, even unevolved Pokémon that benefit from the Eviolite. Didn't I say I would try to find some redeemable qualities? Oh no, wait, I said I might find some redeemable qualities upon research. Well, I found some: Dunsparce's Serene Grace ability doubles the chance of additional effects occurring. That means Body Slam has a 60% chance of paralyzing the foe instead of a 30% chance. Glare is a support move that paralyzes the foe anyway, but there are other Pokémon that can pull it off much faster, including Arbok and Serperior. The perfect moveset would therefore be Stealth Rock for setting up an entry hazard, Body Slam for a 60% chance of paralysis, Magic Coat to bounce back support moves to the opponent (which prevents Dunsparce from becoming Taunt bait), and Roost for healing. Combine it with a Careful nature to maximize its special bulk and the held item Leftovers for a bit of recovery every turn, and Dunsparce might live long enough to pass it on.

Dunsparce is so dumb that I don't even want to like it. It's supposed to be based on an allegedly terrifying creature roaming around Japan, but instead it just looks stupid. The facts that 'stupid' is even in its name - 'dunce' is a synonym for 'fool' or 'idiot' - and its tail has the shape of a dunce cap really don't help, either. I won't equal Dunsparce to monstrosities like Lickilicky or Mr. Mime, but its rating is definitely going to be quite terrible.

Rating: 1.5/5

#204 - #205: Pineco & Forretress

Although these Pokémon are supposed to be bagworms, they actually look like pine cones. Well, at least Pineco does; it's based on a bagworm living in a pine cone, even though that is not very obviously noticeable in its design. It's more a pine cone with eyes, if you ask me. If I'm being honest, Burmy and Wormadam do this whole bagworm thing a little bit better than Pineco and Forretress design-wise, but I don't like Burmy and Wormadam all that much (Mothim is a whole other matter) and I do like Pineco and Forretress to some extent, so let's get started.

I couldn't find any good fan art, so I'll give you Pineco's official
art instead, drawn by (who else?) Ken Sugimori.

Now, Pineco is a Pokémon that likes to annoy people. Anyone who has ever played a Randomizer Nuzlocke knows what the hell I'm talking about. Its Pokédex entries explicitly say that if it is disturbed while eating hanging from its tree, it will drop to the ground and explode with no warning. That's apparent in this hand grenade's level-up movepool: it learns Self-Destruct at the ridiculously low level of 6. SIX!!! The earliest a Pokémon can learn Self-Destruct in ORAS - barring the level at which Pineco learns it, obviously - is at level 23 (Koffing). Voltorb and Electrode would be extremely jealous, I figure. Anyway, Pineco spits out a fluid on tree bark to make a kind of tree bark glue that keeps sticking to its shell, and it isn't even bothered by the added weight. It is probably one of the causes why its evolution Forretress is part steel type, as Forretress can shoot pieces of its outer steel-like shell to enemies. Tree bark leftovers? And despite its low base 40 speed stat, it can open its shell to capture prey so quickly that its interior cannot be seen; therefore, it's a complete mystery what's inside.

Is that all? Why, of course not; I would like to add that I find the word Tannenzapfen ('fir cone'), a word that lies at the basis of Pineco's German name Tannza, really amusing for some reason. The other word present in Pineco's German name is Panzer, meaning 'armor', although the Dutch pantser sounds almost the same. Despite that, I don't get the German language at all, even though I live in a country in which Dutch, a language very similar to German, is spoken every day by the majority of its inhabitants. I hate speaking German; I'd rather stick with the English language, if that's okay with you guys.

This Forretress TCG art is too cool to ignore. 

Right, so Pineco and Forretress's flavor might be a little bit bland - the fact that they're based on weaponry (Pineco on a hand grenade and Forretress's protrusions on cannons, while their ability to learn Spikes might be a reference to caltrops) is probably the most interesting aspect - but Forretress sure does its name justice: it is a fortress in battle. Well, not completely, but it's a very physically defensive Pokémon that is perfectly capable of setting up some very annoying entry hazards such as Stealth Rock, Spikes and Toxic Spikes. That sure is handy, as Omastar and Smeargle are the only other Pokémon that can learn all three at the same time. Omastar's main business is to smash its shell and wreak havoc and Smeargle is just a bad Pokémon all around, so it's a good thing a tank like Forretress is around to take care of these entry hazards. It's also able to learn Rapid Spin, a move that removes entry hazards on your side of the battlefield, and the steel-type move Gyro Ball, which does considerable damage the lower Forretress's speed is (which is why a Relaxed nature is recommended). You can teach it Volt Switch if you want to get the hell out of an undesirable situation while still doing a bit of damage, and if you don't need Forretress anymore, you can let it blow up using Explosion. It does have a quadruple weakness to fire, which is also its only weakness, but its ability Sturdy prevents it from being one-shotted when it's at full HP. And that's awesome.

While Pineco and Forretress look like rather uneventful Pokémon at first sight, they do have a little bit of oomph behind them. I actually like these scumbag bagworms a lot, so I'll give them a 4.5-star rating. Not bad for Pokémon that almost seem to be forgotten. Almost.

Rating: 4.5/5

#203: Girafarig

Official art of Girafarig, drawn by Ken Sugimori (who else?).

So, this is... an interesting Pokémon, to say the least.

So, Girafarig is based on a giraffokeryx, an extinct ancestor of the giraffe (and maybe the okapi), although its spots really give it the appearance of a modern-day giraffe. As you can see, Girafarig has a tail with eyes and a mouth, and that's because that tail actually has a fucking brain of its own. That's right, this head is capable of independent thinking, but it has to rely on outside stimuli such as smell and sound to guide its actions. If you come too near, it will smell you and try to bite you. The tail wasn't supposed to be a tail at first: Game Freak intended for Girafarig to have a second, fully grown head at the other end of its body. Do you remember the pushmi-pullyu from Doctor Dolittle? Or the cartoon series CatDog? Well, Girafarig was originally supposed to look a little like them, but that was changed at the last minute. To go with the whole palindrome shenanigans after all (Girafarig's name is spelled the same when you read it backwards), Game Freak gave it a tail that can think for its own. That trait might come from the stegosaurus, which are believed by some paleontologists to have possessed a second brain in their tails in order to improve their reflexes against predators. That can be seen in Garafarig as well: when its main head is sleeping, the tail stays awake and can warn the head of danger. Not uninteresting, and also pretty weird, but I would have loved to see a pushmi-pullyu kind of Pokémon. That would have been pretty awesome.

And no, that animal does not really exist; of course it doesn't, it is an imaginary animal Hugh Lofting created for his Doctor Dolittle book series. Yes, it all started with a book series. I didn't know that either, guys; I discovered that, like, fifteen minutes ago.

Fan art of what Girafarig was originally supposed to look like.
Pretty neat. 

Although I don't get what Girafarig's Japanese and Chinese names are supposed to mean. I mean, it's easy to determine kirin and nenriki are Japanese for giraffe and telekinesis (or psychokinesis, if you want to be strict about it), respectively, but there is absolutely nothing about Girafarig's flavor that proves it is able to influence objects with its mind. I mean, it can learn the move Telekinesis, but so can other Pokémon that usually don't have telekinetic abilities at all. It's strange. Furthermore, Girafarig's Mandarin Chinese name is Qílínqí (麒麟奇) and is composed of qílín and qí (obvious name is obvious), but this qílín creature Girafarig is supposed to be based on is neither obviously present in its design nor its flavor. This mythical beast, which looks a little like a chimaera, is said to appear with the imminent arrival or passing of a sage or an illustrious ruler. Criminals fear this creature because it is said to detect guilt, and after sensing it the qílín would stare at the guilty party and pierce their hearts. Although it is almost always depicted as having hooves, these are hooves of an ox, while traits of dragons, fish and lions are also present in its appearance. Just not giraffes. And Girafarig doesn't have any of the characteristics that define a qílín either, so here's another mystery. To me, at least.

Pretty nifty papercraft Girafarig. 

What's not a mystery to me, however, is Girafarig's utility in the competitive scene. It is a pretty well-rounded Pokémon, but its well-rounded stats are somewhat mediocre. Its special attack and speed are passable and so is its attack, but it doesn't need the latter and its defenses are nothing to write home about. Especially when you consider Girafarig doesn't have a massive HP stat, its base 65 defenses are complete and utter ass. It might be able to take two hits, but otherwise it is pretty easily knocked out and thus it should be used as a hit-and-run Pokémon. And with just passable special attack and speed stats, it isn't particularly good at that, either. Luckily, it has access to Calm Mind, which raises its special attack and special defense by one stage. If you manage to pull some off, you can have a specially bulky Pokémon that can hit incredibly hard after that, especially with a Modest nature and a Life Orb as its held item (although it wears Girafarig down quicker than you'd want). The rest of its moveset should consist of Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and either Energy Ball or Thunderbolt. It also learns Hyper Voice for some STAB damage (Girafarig is a normal/psychic type, strangely) and Shadow Ball for some more coverage, but Psychic is usually enough. From ORAS on, it has had access to Nasty Plot as well, if you really want to go with the hit-and-run tactic, and if by any happenstance you encounter an Adamant Girafarig or in-game use: it learns Zen Headbutt, Crunch, Earthquake, Return and Iron Tail.

Wanna suprise your opponents, by the way? Put a Choice Band on a physical-based Girafarig - with the first four physical moves I mentioned, that is - and fire away. It is more of a gimmick though, and not really recommended, but you might have some serious fun with it.

This is some incredible 'realistic' art of Girafarig. Not bad at all!

Girafarig's design is quite interesting, and I appreciate the originality Game Freak put in it, but I think its flavor could have been a little bit more. Of what I don't know, but at least more of something. Hey Game Freak, give it telekinetic traits, or characteristics that fit this whole qílín thing, why don't you? Heh. On a more serious note, though, Girafarig is a decent Pokémon all around and I actually really like it. I've never used it in a playthrough, but I'm not opposed to the idea whatsoever, and I'm just waiting for the right opportunity. Meanwhile, I will have to do with giving Girafarig a well-deserved 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#360, #202: Wynaut & Wobbuffet

You know, I think I'm at a point I've had it with these baby Pokémon. Adding pointless pre-evolutions to already existing Pokémon doesn't make sense to me, and adding a pointless pre-evolution to a Pokémon that is pointless in the first place makes even less sense.

So that's where I should talk about Wynaut, right? Because, why not?

One big, happy family of mama and papa Wobbuffet and their three little Wynaut.
The lipstick on mama Wobbuffet is absolutely ridiculous, though. 

Well, to be honest, there is absolutely nothing interesting to say about Wynaut. It is merely Wobbuffet's pre-evolution and doesn't have any distinctive traits that sets it apart from its parent, so to speak, so I'm pretty much done talking about it. I mean, should I say Wynaut is almost always happy and throws a tantrum with its tail when angered? Or that it likes to eat sweet fruits? Great, so do I. NEXT!

Jessie's Wobbuffet in love, apparently.

It has to be said that herds of Wynaut like to squeeze up against each other to gain endurance, while at the same time they are trained to dole out powerful counterattacks. That is why this Pokémon learns Counter and Mirror Coat at level 15 and evolves into Wobbuffet immediately after. And Wobbuffet is supposedly where it's at. It's a docile Pokémon that never attacks first, but when it is attacked it will inflate its body and initiate a counterstrike - which sounds about right, by the way, as both Counter and Mirror Coat have negative priority in the games and always act after the opponent has attacked. When two Wobbuffet meet, they will attempt to outlast each other in a battle of endurance, but since neither of them is able to attack, they may compete to find out which can last longest without food. Wobbuffet is very secretive and overprotective regarding its pitch-black tail, so it likes to reside in dark caves. Also, it can't endure an attack on its tail, so when it's attacked it takes the foe with it by using Destiny Bond, one of the very few moves Wobbuffet can learn at all.

You know when fan art isn't abundant when you
have to feature an entire TCG card. 

And that's why it's not a good Pokémon, in-game as well as competitively. All it can do is wait out an attack with its massive base 190 HP stat and strike back with Counter (in case of an incoming physical attack) or Mirror Coat (in case of an incoming special attack). Its defenses are just mediocre enough - both defensive stats sit at base 58 - that it can take a hit with that massive HP and knock out the opposing Pokémon with its counterattack, but everybody knows what to expect from Wobbuffet, so they'll try to set up when it comes into play and wait until all Destiny Bonds have been used up. That's why it's not very viable in competitive play. At the same time it is very tricky to use in-game, because you never know if the opponent is going to use a physical or special move on you. Of course, you can predict it as accurately as possible, as some Pokémon tend to be special and others tend to be physical, but most AIs tend to use their Pokémon's level-up movepools and there are still special Pokémon with a largely physical movepool and vice versa. In other words, Wobbuffet is always a tricky Pokémon to use. Not good. It's really one of those Pokémon that makes me go, "What were Game Freak thinking? This can't turn out to be any good." And that's the truth, because its low popularity causes it to be not used at all by anyone. And its anime appearances don't really help its cause, either, because Jessie's Wobbuffet tends to break out of its Poké Ball at undesirable moments, much like Misty's Psyduck, and that is just plain irritating. I understand it's supposed to be a running gag, but you don't have to repeat the same unfunny thing all over again, especially when you've done the same with a certain Pokémon called Psyduck previously.

Yeah, would Jessie really love her Wobbuffet? It is often
a source of annoyance, as it lets itself out of its Poké Ball
without having been asked to.

As you can make out from the description above, Wobbuffet is literally a punching bag. That's where an interesting theory comes into play: the tail is actually Wobbuffet's body and the rest is just a cover-up created to take hits. It's an interesting theory, but there's actually not much to back that up; Wobbuffet itself acts so much like an actual living being - again, this could be a cover-up - that I don't think this theory can hold its own unless substantial evidence surfaces anytime soon, which I don't see happen at all. I can tell you what Wynaut and Wobbuffet are probably based on, however, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Both are based on a traditional Japanese doll with squinted eyes called the okiagari-kobōshi, which means 'getting-up little priest', and it stands back upright when it is pushed over. It is a symbol of perseverance. Pretty much the trait of a punching bag, which Wobbuffet is based on. Wynaut and Wobbuffet's Japanese names are Sohnano (ソーナノ) and Sonans (ソーナンス), respectively, and are a play on the respective phrases of sō na no and sō na-n-su. Together, they make for a potential perpetual conversation of, "Is that so?" followed by, "That's the way it is," and so on. Additionally, Wobbuffet is probably also based on the Japanese comedian Hayashiya Sanpei, who was famous for repeatedly touching his forehead while saying one of his trademark lines: Sō nansu, okusan! ("That's the way it is, ma'am!")

That Wobbuffet family again. Because, Wynaut?

While Wynaut and Wobbuffet's perpetual conversation probably makes a lot more sense in Japanese, other languages' names for these Pokémon do not feature this pun. The French names are Okéoké and Qulbutoké - Culbuto is the French trademarked name for Weebles - and feature a pun on 'okay', but don't make for a conversation between Wynaut and Wobbuffet. The German names of Isso - from Ist es so? ("Is that so?") - and Woingenau - from Wohin genau? ("Where to, exactly?") - don't make much sense when put together. And don't get me started on the Korean names. Maza (마자) and Mazayong (마자용) seem both be based on majayo, which is 'that's right', but it seems to fit Meowth better than Wynaut and Wobbuffet, I dare say.

Meh, I don't like Wobbuffet all that much. The mystery surrounding its tail isn't all that interesting, as opposed to the mystery surrounding Unown, and it's just a weird-looking Pokémon. And not in a good way. Sorry, I can't give it a passing grade at all.

Rating: 2/5