#357: Tropius

Tropius in company of Brendan and May. 

For a region that's considered tropical, Hoenn introduced suprisingly few tropical Pokémon. Tropius is basically the only one, and it's... why, what is it? It's obviously based on a sauropod, which were big-ass herbivorous dinosaurs with long necks and thick, pillar-like legs. But Tropius has big leafy wings growing on its back, as well as banana-like fruits beneath its chin. Apparently, Tropius continuously eats only its favorite fruit; it loves it so much, in fact, that it resulted in its own outgrowth of fruit, which is considered a deliciously sweet tropical snack that is especially popular with children. The large wings are used for flight - despite its bulky appearance, it is suprisingly maneuverable in the air - and for sugar production via photosynthesis. Whether the latter is to be 'blamed' for the sweet flavor of its own fruits is unclear and debatable, but I can't think of any other reason why its fruits are so incredibly sweet.

Pansage (on top of Tropius's head), Panpour (left) and Pansear
(right) enjoying Tropius's delicious fruits.

In short, Tropius's banana tree design is hilarious, although most people tend to forget it's there in the first place. At any rate, I haven't seen anyone using this Pokémon in a playthrough. That's not surprising, as its stats aren't anything to write home about. It has some very good HP and defenses, making it pretty bulky, but its attacking stats are lacking and its speed is just downright terrible. Even Dragon Dance, which is an egg move, won't give it a sufficiently significant speed boost - or attack boost, for that matter, as its base 68 attack is really mediocre. That doesn't make it a reliable counter to all these bulky water and rock types out there. The fact that it has weaknesses to rock and ice - the latter is even a quadruple weakness - doesn't help either, as rock types counter it right back and almost all water types can learn Ice Beam and Blizzard. It's a shame, really, because Tropius's physical movepool allows you to create a pretty neat moveset consisting of Dragon Dance, Leaf Blade, Earthquake and Aerial Ace. It also has Steel Wing, Outrage and Body Slam for type coverage (well, coverage... Body Slam isn't super effective on anything, but it's a moderately strong normal-type move that has a higher chance to paralyze the foe) and a decent ability in Chlorophyll, provided you set up the sunlight first. Thing is, it makes it even more vulnarable to fire-type moves, which it already has a weakness to, and its speed and mediocre attacking stats won't allow it to take a hit first very often or hit very hard in the first place. A Life Orb set with the ability Solar Power - which increases its special attack by 50% in harsh sunlight but makes Tropius lose ⅛ of its maximum HP at the end of each turn - will only wear it down, which only takes away from its moderate bulk.

A more realistic approach of Tropius.

As far as grass-type sauropods go, Meganium beats Tropius by a very large margin. Tropius is more versatile offensively, though only slightly, and competitively and design-wise Meganium kicks Tropius right outta the sky. It sucks Tropius doesn't have a better support movepool, because the only good combo I can find right now is Substitute/Leech Seed - Roost and Air Slash nicely rounding out its moveset - with the Harvest ability and a Sitrus Berry to hold. Neither is Tropius a good Pokémon to use for in-game purposes, for that matter, because its moveset is pretty lacking: Air Slash is amazing to have, but the best grass-type moves it gets are Solar Beam and Leaf Storm. The former requires a turn to charge up and the latter harshly lowers its special attack, which at a base 72 is already less than average. As the Energy Ball TM is only available late- or post-game and Leaf Blade is an egg move, it'll have to make do with the 65-power Leaf Tornado, which is... bad for a relatively weak Pokémon like Tropius. Rather, Tropius is one of the few Pokémon that is terrible to use in any context but should be appreciated for its uniqueness: it's an interesting and pleasantly designed Pokémon and just a nice addition to any collection. Moreover, it's the only Pokémon that really fits Hoenn's tropical theme, so I'll let this one slide.

Rating: 4/5

#355 - #356, #477: Duskull, Dusclops & Dusknoir

Official art of Duskull by Ken Sugimori, courtesy of Nintendo
and Game Freak, blah blah blah, yada yada yada... 

While Shuppet's appearance is reminiscent of common depictions of ghosts, especially those that are basically floating white sheets, Duskull is a stylized personification of the Grim Reaper, the embodiment of death: its body is a black robe with two bones on its back, its mask is basically a skull, and it has a single eye that floats between its eye sockets. The only thing that's missing is the scythe, but that's a minor detail. The question is whether Duskull behaves even remotely like the Grim Reaper. I'd say no, as it chooses a target in the dead of night and doggedly pursues its intended victim until it abandons the chase at the break of dawn, which the Grim Reaper doesn't. It's just an alternative name for the Angel of Death and has come into use as to allow us to embody the concept of death into a tangible creature. The truth is that death is imminent, and when it's your time to go, the Angel of Death - or Grim Reaper - will come and get you. It's not supposed to be a mean-spirited being; rather, the Angel of Death is impartial and just guides you to the hereafter when you pass away, whether this is at dawn, day, dusk or night. Personally, I don't believe in this spiritual/religious bullshit, but I think I understand the concept of the Grim Reaper and I doubt it spirits away disobedient or misbehaving children, let alone enjoys the crying of children. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Duskull can pass through walls no matter how thick they are, but I've seen other ghost-type Pokémon doing that, so I'm not impressed. I mean, I'm sure everyone here remembers the Gastly, Haunter and Gengar from the "The Tower Of Terror", the 23rd episode of the very first season. Right?

Dusclops in the anime. When you compare it to its official art, it is
actually much creepier: these hands actually look more human,
which is unsettling, but they're also in a much paler shade of gray,
making them stand out more than those of its official art. 

As for Dusclops... well, let's say Hoenn really likes the subject of black holes, as Gardevoir is known to create them and Dusclops pretty much acts like one: its body is said to be hollow and can absorb anything, no matter how large an object may be. Dayum. Also, Dusclops hypnotizes its foes and makes them do its biddig by moving its hands about in a macabre manner and bringing its single eye to bear. Dayum. It also likes being weird, as it seeks drifting will-o'-the-wisps and sucks them into its empty body. (Wait, does that mean it's consuming its kin? Duskull's German name is Zwirrlicht, which is a combination of Zwielicht and Irrlicht, meaning 'twilight' and 'will-o'-the-wisp', respectively.) Up till today, it remains a mystery what happens inside its body, but it is speculated that a spectral ball of fire is burning inside it. Not that anyone who has found out the truth can tell it through, as peering into Dusclops's body to see whether there actually is a mysterious fire burning inside its hollow body will only result in your spirit to be sucked into the void. Dayum. Contrary to Duskull, however, Dusclops is based on something much more uncommon than the universally recognized Grim Reaper: the chōchin-obake - literally a 'paper lantern ghost' - is a one-eyed haunted paper lantern, as its name implies. Dusclops even has some similarities to mummies, although this concept would be executed much better later on in the franchise in the form of Cofagrigus (have fun pronouncing that name). It has to be said, though, that Cofagrigus is in fact a sarcophagus rather than a mummy, but I cannot deny its cool design. And I don't want to know (yet) what houses inside it.

Brrrrrr, the realistic aesthetics make this Duskulll art very creepy. 

The weirdness doesn't end with Dusclops, however. It evolves into Dusknoir by trading it while letting it hold a Reaper Cloth, and if that ain't a reference to the Grim Reaper then I don't know what is. The cyclops aspect in Dusclops's design is retained, but Dusknoir's flavor is much weirder than its pre-evolution's: its antenna allows it to receive electrical waves from the spirit world that tell it to bring people there, although the anime has demonstrated it protecting people from being taken to the spirit world as well. These transmissions are a clear reference to electronic voice phenomena (EVP), which within ghost hunting and parapsychology are static noises found on electronic recordings that are interpreted as spirit voices. Protecting people from the spirit world doesn't stop Dusknoir from opening the yellow band around its waist and take the lost spirits from people into its pliant body, however, just so to carry them home or as it travels to unknown places.

Dayum. Duskull and its evolutions are some of the scariest Pokémon out there.

This artist managed to make Dusclops look more mummy-like.
Pretty cool.

The most surprising thing is that both Dusclops and Dusknoir are very bulky Pokémon, sporting some amazing defenses. Their HP is trash, but by investing some EVs in this stat Dusclops and Dusknoir will be able to take plenty of hits. At least they'll survive long enough to do whatever they deem necessary before going down. As Dusclops doesn't have good attacking stats, it is better to use an Eviolite support set: the Eviolite buffs up both of its defensive stats by 50%, making it more bulky than it already is, while a Bold or Calm nature increases either its defense or special defense a little, depending on which one you want, really. Dusclops has access to some nifty status moves, too: Will-O-Wisp burns foes and especially cripples physical attackers, Destiny Bond makes it take an opponent with it when it gets knocked out, Night Shade lets it deal a fixed amount of damage depending on its level (in online battles its level is usually 50), and Rest lets it heal up fully but puts it asleep. Alternatively, Pain Split shares the remaining amount of HP between it and the opposing Pokémon, so if the foe has 151 HP left and Dusclops 21, both will end up at 86 HP... or at least that's how I think it works. It's a pretty good moveset and I'd actually recommend Pain Split over Rest, but both allow Dusclops to last on the battlefield longer than your opponent would wish. While aforementioned moveset works phenomenally, there's also moves like Curse, Substitute, Memento and Taunt to consider. However, Curse and Memento only make it harm itself to inflict some kind of status condition that fades away when the opposing Pokémon is switched out anyway, so they're hardly worth the hassle, while Substitute works better with the Leftovers, which Dusclops is not going to hold because it needs the Eviolite. The only good option is Taunt, which prevents Dusclops from being set-up bait. Smogon mentions a Calm Mind set, but that's just... bad. Dusclops's base 60 special attack is just really mediocre and even after one or two boosts it doesn't hit very hard. It's not supposed to, either, so just stick with the moveset I mentioned.

Dusknoir opening its hollow body in order to throw a Shadow Ball in its opponent's
face.

Dusknoir needs another approach. Not only does it have a higher base attack stat (100, as opposed to Dusclops's base 70 attack), it also has a good physical movepool. It can pull of a STAB Shadow Punch or Shadow Sneak and hit relatively hard or just with priority, while sporting some type coverage in moves like Earthquake, the elemental punches, Brick Break, Sucker Punch and Rock Slide. Give it an Adamant nature and the Leftovers as a held item - the Eviolite only works on Pokémon that are yet to evolve, so it's useless on Dusknoir - and you'll be sure it lasts long enough to cause some significant damage to the opposing team. Alternatively, a Life Orb or Choice Band can be used for some more oomph behind its attacking moves. Both Dusclops and Dusknoir are best off with the ability Pressure, which takes an extra PP point from the move it is attacked with (I'm pretty sure it only works on damaging moves), so ignore its hidden ability Frisk.

One big happy family... I guess?

While I love the Duskull line's flavor texts, their designs don't really appeal to me all that much. Duskull and Dusclops are alright, but the more rotund shape of Dusknoir just seems really off to me. I'm not a fan of fat-looking Pokémon in the first place, anyway. For example, I'm not as big a fan of Snorlax as I probably should be; it's a fan favorite and I just don't get why. And you'd better remember my review of Lickilicky, who is my least favorite Pokémon in existence and will be my least favorite Pokémon until the day I die - which, hopefully, won't be for another 70 years at least. Of all the 'fatty' Pokémon thus far, Dusknoir is still the one I like the most - not in the least because of its flavor - so I reckon a 4-star rating will suffice here.

Rating: 4/5

#353 - #354: Shuppet & Banette

In comparison to Gastly (left) and Duskull (middle), Shuppet is
kinda cute. 

Oh, you thought the Alola Pokédex was scary? Trust me, I'm sure Shuppet and Banette's Pokédex entries from Ruby and Sapphire will send shivers down your spine.

Granted, Shuppet isn't that terrifying. It's basically harmless, aside from the fact that it is attracted by and feeds on feelings of envy, vindictiveness, malice and sadness. According to its Ruby Pokédex entry, Shuppet will appear in a swarm and line up beneath the eaves of a vengeful person's home, which means they're basically the ghost equivalent of a wasp nest hanging under your roof. Shuppet actively roam the city streets in search of negative emotions and catch them with their upright horns. The biggest stumbling block here is Shuppet's origin. While its shape is more reminiscent of a teru teru bōzu than Castform's, it has absolutely nothing to do with the weather whatsoever. It seems to be based on a hand puppet; more specifically, a puppet used in shadow play, an ancient form of puppetry using flat articulated cut-out figures (shadow puppets) that are held between a source of light and a translucent screen of some sort.

Imagine Banette scratching at your window... A child who has
junked their doll in the Pokémon world must be having a hard
time, knowing Banette could come for them any moment.
Damn, this here image could have been a scene straight out of
a horror movie (or game). 

In short, Shuppet is based on some kind of toy, and this aspect blends perfectly with its evolution Banette, who is a whole lot scarier than Shuppet is. Banette is a doll-like Pokémon with a zipper that acts as its mouth and makes sure its life force is safely kept within its body. Whereas Shuppet mainly feeds on feelings of hatred, it becomes maliciously vengeful itself when it evolves into Banette: it lives on landfill sites and in dark alleys, where it seeks for the child that disowned it before it became a Pokémon (although it used to be a Shuppet first; great consistency there, Game Freak!). It even lays curses on people and other Pokémon by using its body as a voodoo doll and sticking pins into itself. My guess is that Banette is universally feared in the Pokémon world. I love this franchise, but even I wouldn't want to live in a world inabited by such capricious creatures, although I'd imagine a Luxray by my side to protect me if ever I were to live in the Pokémon world. Banette is almost realistically eerie - heck, its Gen. III sprites actually make it look like a possessed doll, before its sprites became more animated in later generations - and that makes me think it wouldn't feel out of place in one of those Five Nights at Freddy's games, which are undoubtedly to blame for a sudden increase in phobias about dolls and teddy bears. Inanimate objects coming to life is not a new thing, either: tools that have required a spirit are called tsukumogami in Japanese folklore.

For a discarded doll, Banette is actually pretty strong. Unfortunately it has inherited the trait of dolls being relatively fragile, although in terms of Pokémon stats it is actually very fragile. Banette can hit hard with its base 115 attack stat, but it can barely take a hit in return, nor can it take a hit first due to its equally low speed. Luckily, there's an answer: Mega Banette. Now, Mega Banette may not be that much faster than regular Banette, but the extra base points in speed help, as do the base points in its defenses. Of course, the biggest boost goes to its attack, which is now a base 165. However, Mega Banette has the ability Prankster by default, which means it'll always hit first with whatever status move you're throwing at your opponent. Almost all ghost types learn Will-O-Wisp, so burning the foe to whittle it down is a ridiculously viable tactic, especially since the 50% attack reduction heavily cripples physical attackers. And if a certain Pokémon poses a real threat to you, you can just click Destiny Bond and be done with it - obviously you'll lose Mega Banette as well, but you'll just have to strategize from there. That leaves two spots for attacking moves, and as one of them has to be STAB, I recommend Shadow Claw. The other could be Knock Off, which doubles in power when you manage to knock off the opposing Pokémon's held item, but ghost- and dark-type moves cover the same types anyway, so you might as well go for a priority STAB move in Shadow Sneak.

It's not as if you have any other choice, because the rest of its physical moves are ghost- and dark-type moves that are not worth mentioning and... Gunk Shot. It's not a terrible idea, don't get me wrong, but Gunk Shot doesn't have much PP and isn't very accurate, so it's nothing to get excited about. Banette's special movepool is much better, but if you're smart - and you probably are - you're running an Adamant nature to make use of that crazy attack stat. I mean, Banette didn't Mega-evolve just for you to make use of its base 93 special attack, right? And should you want to use regular Banette - make sure you have one with the ability Insomnia, which prevents it from falling asleep - I guess a mixed Life Orb set could do the job.

Mega Banette - obviously the one with zippers all over its body - and Shuppet.

I always forgot about Banette until it got a Mega evolution in the first place, which indicates that it's not really a memorable Pokémon. It's a shame, really. I mean, how creepier can you get than with a discarded doll possessed by a vindictive spirit, dedicating its life to finding the child that left it behind? This should be a bedtime story, period. Teach your kids to play with their toys in a respectful way, or let them think about whether they really need anything before it's bought and ultimately abandoned, or else their toys will come alive to take revenge on them.

Some lesson that would be, innit?

Rating: 4.5/5

#352: Kecleon

3D art of a regular Kecleon. 

So... I'm back, I guess? I can't promise I'll post as frequently as I used to, but at least I've got a little bit more time on my hands now, so let's dive into the next review.

Kecleon is one of those one-off Pokémon that is... not interesting by any means. It is common knowledge that most species of chameleons have the ability to change their skin color to blend in with its surroundings, and Kecleon is no different. It works as follows: chameleon skin has a superficial layer that contains pigments, and by changing the space between the guanine crystals (guanine is one of the four nucleobases found in DNA and RNA) found in the cells under that layer, a chameleon can easily change its skin color. It's a matter of light reflection: if the space between the guanine crystals is altered, the wavelength of light reflected off the crystals is altered as well, causing the chameleon to take on a different color. The only flaw Kecleon has is that it is unable to change the color of the red zigzag pattern on its belly, making it somewhat visible even if the rest of its body can't be seen. Its 95% invisibility suffices for sneaking up on prey unnoticed and ensnaring it with its long pink tongue, though, so Kecleon has nothing to complain about.

Reddy and Greeny in "The Kecleon Caper", under the ownership of Madison and
Alexa. I wonder how Madison came up with the name 'Reddy', because the purple
Kecleon is obviously... well, purple. 

The only thing that confuses me is the purple Kecleon seen in the anime and the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games. Kecleon is usually green, and shiny Kecleon only has its stripe color changed to blue rather than its whole body to a completely different color scheme. It's a bland shiny and I had rather we got an official purple shiny Kecleon than the current shiny, but alas... purple Kecleon is only observable in the anime, and not even in the Hoenn saga. Kecleon was introduced in "The Kecleon Caper", which is the 48th episode of the fourth season and still takes place in Johto rather than Hoenn, making Kecleon the first Gen. III Pokémon to be seen in the anime. Despite introducing a brand new Pokémon at the time, the episode seems to be one of the most generic ones now that I'm reading through the summary: there's nothing more to it than Ash, Brock and Misty showing off their Pokémon to two strangers and rescuing their Kecleon from Team Rocket. One other way to admire a purple Kecleon is in the Nintendo DS games of the Mystery Dungeon installment, where an old purple Kecleon is seen running the Kecleon Shop with a younger green one. They don't do anything other than selling you shit or buying shit from you, so I guess the purple Kecleon serves no other purpose than being a small aesthetic shake-up.

Kecleon as seen in the Nintendo DS games of the
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon installment. Instead of
beige nails and a beige pettern running across its face,
these features are now mint green.  

And it's not as if Kecleon is a highly competitively viable Pokémon, either. It currently resides in the NU tier, one of the lowest tiers for fully evolved Pokémon on Smogon, and it genuinely takes a genius to make its moveset work. A base stat total of 440 seems decent to work with, but Kecleon's base 120 special defense takes up most of it. I think Kecleon has no business being so specially defensive - it doesn't look defensive by any means; on the contrary, it looks a little like a pushover. Aside from that, though, its special defense is hardly backed up by its HP, which is mediocre at best. Kecleon is also really slow and therefore it has to rely on priority moves like Sucker Punch, which got a nerf in Sun and Moon and only has 5 PP - 8 when you use a PP Max or three PP Ups on it. Its base 90 attack stat means that all of the EVs you have to invest in this Pokémon go to its HP and attack, leaving practically no room for boosting any other stat. The only thing you can do is to run a Brave nature (lowers speed, increases attack) over an Adamant one (lowers special attack, increases attack), just so you can use special moves if necessary. Kecleon has a wide movepool, sporting Sucker Punch, Brick Break, Rock Slide, Return, Drain Punch, Aqua Tail, Iron Tail, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch, Fake Out and Knock Off on the physical side of the spectrum. For special moves, it has access to popular ones like Ice Beam, Blizzard. Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Thunderbolt, Thunder, Grass Knot, Shadow Ball and even Psybeam and Ancient Power. You can even throw Magic Coat into the mix in order for you to reflect certain status moves back to the opponent. The good thing is that Kecleon can get STAB from all of its attacking moves, no matter which ones you choose, because its hidden ability Protean makes it change into the type of the move it's about to use (e.g. if it uses Flamethrower, it becomes a fire type). That combined with a Life Orb allows Kecleon to hit fairly hard, although there are genuinely much better options for you to choose from.

Is it bad that I think the purple Kecleon is so much more interesting than regular
Kecleon?

Here's the thing, though... while I was pretty negative about Kecleon throughout this article, I don't hate it at all. The problem here is that there's nothing about its flavor or in-game utility that makes it stand out to me, although I have to say I really like its design. It's not as colorful as I hoped it would have been, but Game Freak made that up to some extent by giving us that purple Kecleon, if only sporadically. In fact, I haven't seen it since the Mystery Dungeon games, and I low-key feel kinda sad about that. I always thought Kecleon was weaker than it actually is, being mediocre in almost everything, so I was kind of taken aback when I saw its decent base attack stat. Okay, maybe 'being taken aback' is too strong a term to describe what happened, but at least you can say I frowned.

Long story short, I do like Kecleon, but I wish Game Freak had done a little bit more to make it at least more viable. Now it seems like everyone is forgetting about Kecleon, while it definitely doesn't deserve such a fate.

Rating: 3.5/5

#351: Castform

You know, Game Freak, even I could've come up with a better Pokémon focusing around the weather mechanics in the game than this pair of balls/boobs/buns (cross out wherever inapplicable).

The split personalities of Castform. Maybe it's better for it to go
see a psychiatrist. 

Based on the teru teru bōzu, a small Japanese charm doll made of white paper or cloth used to wish for good weather, Castform is an artificial Pokémon made by Hoenn's Weather Institute. Its body is made of cells exactly like those of water molecules, causing its structure to be altered by temperature and humidity in order to protect its tiny body. This gives it the power to change forms based on the weather on the battlefield: Sunny Forme in sunny weather, Rainy Forme in rainy weather and Snowy Forme when it's hailing (but hail is not snow, goddammit). Its former signature move Weather Ball is a 50-power normal-type move that doubles in power with a weather condition up, changes type depending on whether it's raining or hailing or whether the sun is shining, and provides STAB for whatever form Castform is in at the moment. This excludes a sandstorm, which does change Weather Ball's type into rock and doubles its power to 100, but doesn't cause a molecular change in Castform and therefore provides mere type coverage rather than STAB. Unfortunately, there is nothing Castform can do with this whole weather thing, as it has to set up a weather condition first, which its mediocre stats won't allow it to do. Base 70 stats across the board are nothing to write home about, as it can't take a hit very well and won't be able to hit very hard in return. A Pokémon based on the English saying "rain, hail, or shine" (whatever the weather; or, more figuratively, whatever the situation) is an interesting concept, but GameFreak could have made Castform a little bit better, at least; for example, increase the base stats of its weather forms to between 85 and 90 each, letting Castform end up with a base stat total of between 510 and 540 rather than 420. As the situation is right now, however, I can't even come up with a good competitive set for it. It's not even that good to use in-game, so...

Castform and its three weather forms lined up. 

For now, there are hardly any redeeming qualities to be found in Castform. I mean, I like how it looks like a giant H2O molecule in some way, and that its name is a play on 'forecast', but that's pretty much everything. I mean, its different forms didn't even get separate Pokédex entries until Pokémon Sun and Moon, and even then I didn't know why the hell they had to include Castform in the Alola Pokédex.

Sunny Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes on the brightest of days. Its skin is unexpectedly hot to the touch, so approach with care."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when basking in fair weather. Its body is warm and toasty."

Rainy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when soaked with rain. When its body is compressed, water will seep out as if from a sponge."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform's form during a downpour of rain. Its body retains moisture and gets slippery."

Snowy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when covered in snow. Its body becomes an ice-like material, with a temperature near 23 degrees Fahrenheit."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when caught in a hailstorm. Its cold skin is as smooth as ice."

Adding an additional form to Castform that is based on the sandstorm weather
condition may not be a bad idea. Then again, it would be yet another gimmicky
form of the same goddamn Pokémon with the same goddamn base stats. Also,
this fan-made 'Rocky Forme' looks a hell of a lot like Baltoy in a way. 

So, nothing special, right? For a Pokémon based on the sun, it's to be expected its skin feels so hot. For a Pokémon based on rain, it's not a surprise it's so moisty and spongy. For a Pokémon based on a snow cloud, it's logical its temperature is near 23 degrees. All three forms are outclassed by other Pokémon focusing around heat, moisture and cold, flavor-wise as well as stat-wise, and all look a little too obviously like weather references in the first place, making them look dumb. I also think they're mildly inappropriate - especially the regular form, which looks like a pair of testicles, breasts or buttocks with a giant head on top; in the latter case even a reversed head, mind you - but maybe that's just my perverse, adult mind.

Balls, why is Castform so bad?

Rating: 1.5/5

#349 - #350: Feebas & Milotic

I may not have been posting reviews very often recently, but that's because I had a lot do on a personal scale and just didn't really have the time to write anything. Plus, I am currently keeping up with everything related to the Eurovision Song Contest held in Kyiv, Ukraine in the upcoming week (go, OG3NE!), so I expect the pace at which I post these Pokémon reviews will accelerate after the Grand Final next Saturday.

This is a pretty accurate meme, I'd say. Its scarcity, in stark
contrast to Magikarp's overpopulation, is absolutely infuriating.

For right now, though, I have the time to discuss the next Pokémon in the numerical order, being Feebas and its evolution Milotic. The former is an ugly and shabby-looking fish, while the latter is a sea serpent said to be the most beautiful Pokémon in existence. This makes their evolution very similar to that of Magikarp and Gyarados aesthetic-wise, because y'all know Magikarp is a pathetic and useless little fishie and Gyarados is a badass sea dragon. However, while there seems to be an overabundance of Magikarp in practically every game, finding Feebas was a fucking drag in the original GBA games: the probability of finding a water tile with a Feebas on Route 119 is approximately 1:73, with six fishing spots on 436 water tiles. In Mt. Coronet in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, the odds of finding a Feebas - at 1:132 - are even slimmer than in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, with four possible fishing spots on 528 water tiles. In addition to that, you need to maximize its Beauty stat in order for you to evolve it, which makes it the only Pokémon that needs a modification in its Contest stats for it to evolve at all. In later generations, however, Game Freak made it so that Feebas could be found in the entire fishing area, although sometimes the odds of finding one aren't more than 5% under normal conditions. Evolving it has been less of a drag as well lately, as it changes into Milotic when traded holding a Prism Scale.

The beautiful and elegant Milotic with its ugly child, Feebas.
I believe it's giving its parent a Heart Scale. 

Like with Magikarp and Gyarados, there couldn't have been a bigger contrast between the ugly and ragged-looking Feebas and the beautiful and elegant Milotic. Feebas's Pokédex entries even state that it is largely ignored by Pokémon Trainers and scientists/researchers alike for its hideous appearance (although its Moon entry states that its marvelous vitality has made it a subject of research), but it is a hardy Pokémon capable of living anywhere and eating anything. It's dim-witted and gullible, though, which makes it easy to capture once you've found it. Owning one of these bass - though they bear some uncanny resemblances to marine hatchetfish, including the flat body, large eyes, big mouth and ugliness - will eventually pay off, because Milotic is indeed nothing short of gorgeous. Its lovely scales are described as rainbow-colored, changing color depending on the viewing angle, and its captivating beauty has been the inspiration for many works of art, including paintings and statues. Now, Parfum Palace is probably one of the most stately places in X and Y, but what really catches your eye is the beautiful gold statue of Milotic in the foyer. 'Beauty' is even in its English and foreign names, although not in an obvious way: 'Milotic' is derived from a statue called Venus de Milo, a work of ancient Greek sculpture well-known for being an example of beauty. Its pale, elongated body and extended, red dorsal fins are reminiscent of an incredibly rare species of fish called the oarfish. Milotic may therefore be a pure water type, but its flavor suggests it could have had psychic as its secondary type: this pacifist Pokémon has the power to becalm human emotions such as anger and hostility and end arguments by releasing a wave of pinkish energy, and in the anime it is shown moving by floating in the air. It doesn't have any significantly useful psychic-type moves, though, so we can throw that idea out the window.

Gorgeous, right?

I've mentioned Gyarados several times already, but Milotic has a lot of similarities with this aggressive sea dragon: both are serpentine forms of weak fish Pokémon, both appear in times of conflict (Milotic to becalm, Gyarados to wreak havoc), both have base stat totals of 540 - sharing the same HP, defense and speed, and the same base stat values in attack, special attack and special defense but in a different arrangement - and both are tied with each other for the greatest increase in base stat total upon evolving, at 340 points.

More beautiful fan art of Milotic.

And a base stat total of 540 definitely comes in handy in competitive play. With base 95 HP and 125 special defense, Milotic serves as a great special tank, and a Bold nature boosts its base 79 physical defense to make it just an overall defensive pivot. A Calm nature is perfectly feasible as well, but Milotic is specially defensive in itself and you'd probably want to buff its physical defense a little. If you do invest the required EVs in defense and HP, you won't be able to boost its special attack all that much, but at a base 100 it's respectable anyway. Moreover, Milotic should be able to tank hits and then hit back with a Scald for a chance to burn the opponent and lessen the damage output of physical moves even more (a burn halves the opponent's attack stat). That's not all, though, as you should do everything in your might to assure Milotic's longevity: its ridiculous bulk is backed up by the move Recover, which heals half of its HP whenever it is used, and the held item Leftovers, which heal a little of its HP at the end of every turn. To round out its moveset, you should give it Ice Beam for some nice type coverage and Haze to reset all stat changes on the battlefield. The latter is especially handy to counter Pokémon that rely on stat boosts to overcome Milotic and sweep the rest of your team. Alternatively, Dragon Tail is a move with negative priority but forces the current opposing Pokémon out in exchange for another when it hits. And as if Milotic wasn't sporting enough bulk already, it has access to an ability called Marvel Scale, which increases its defense whenever it suffers from a status condition. It has another ability called Competitive, which sharply increases its special attack every time one of its stats is lowered, and its hidden ability Cute Charm is terrible and shouldn't even be touched. Marvel Scale is generally better than Competitive, although the special attack boost can be nice at times.

Whoever knit this shiny Milotic is very talented. 

I have to be honest here and say that Milotic is only one of my favorite Pokémon because it's pretty. There's a vast array of pretty fan art of Milotic to be found on the Internet as well, and I have to say I could hardly choose. I've never used one in a playthrough due to Feebas's annoying evolution method, but I currently have one that is level 1 and I could probably use it on a team of solely serpentine Pokémon consisting of Seviper, Milotic, Steelix, Gyarados, Serperior and Dragonair; no Arbok because Seviper is already a pure poison type, no Huntail and/or Gorebyss because I'd have a pure water type in Milotic already, and no Rayquaza because it's OP as fuck. I've used themed teams before, most noticeably my feline team led by Luxray, and I could totally do it. Heck, I totally want to do it, but I just don't have the time right now.

While I ranked Milotic number 10 in my top 10 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, it definitely isn't in my top 10 anymore. That's partly due to my recently acquired love for phenomenal steel types like Steelix, Skarmory, Celesteela, Solgaleo, Klinklang, Metagross and Ferrothorn, all of which easily hold spots in my top 20, but also because my love for it has died down a little. I still love it, of course, and it deserves no less than a perfect rating from me.

P.S.: I like how Feebas's French name of Barpau is phonetically similar to pas beau, which means 'not beautiful'. That's some real shade you're throwing at Feebas, Game Freak! Personally, I think it's a bit of an understatement.

Rating: 5/5