#446, #143: Munchlax & Snorlax

Munchlax holding a hamburger and a slice of pizza. I
guess it gulped them down within a matter of seconds.

Aside from the Pokémon that are in possession of an unquenchable fighting spirit there are also the Pokémon that are born tired and would rather eat and sleep than engage in tiresome battles. That makes it extra curious that the lazy Snorlax has gotten quite a hyperactive pre-evolution in Gen. IV: Munchlax doesn't mind walking and running from place to place as it looks for food (with its powerful base speed of 5, mind you). It is even classified as the 'Big Eater Pokémon' and can eat many servings of food at a time, eating its own weight of over 230 pounds of food each day without chewing, while rarely getting full at all. And it's barely two feet tall... Sometimes it's so desperate to wolf down food that it forgets about the food it has hidden under its fur. You're gonna smell it sooner or later, mate! But where Munchlax lives to eat, its evolution Snorlax lives to sleep, only waking up to eat 900 pounds of food without being picky about it: its strong stomach allows it to eat even moldy food without feeling any ill effects. After eating it goes right back to sleep. That's why it is always found sleeping in inconvenient locations: in Kanto it is found blocking the way in three places (Route 12 and 16 in Red, Blue, their remakes and Yellow; Vermilion City in Gold, Silver, their remakes and Crystal) and in Kalos it can be seen blocking a bridge on Route 7. And the only way to wake it up is playing a tune on the Poké Flute (Gen. I and Gen. VI) or play the Poké Flute tune on the radio (Gen. II).

Snorlax's sprites from Red and Blue all the way to X and Y show
it slowly getting off its lazy ass. 

Also, Snorlax's in-game sprites from 1996 to 2013 show it slowly standing up, and jokes are made about Snorlax needing 17 years and 8 months to get off his behind. But why the fuck is it so lazy in the first place? Well, it is not always clear what the hell Munchlax and Snorlax are based on, because they look a lot like cats in some ways, but they seem to share traits with bears. Munchlax's eating habits may be based on the fact that bears eat a lot of food before they go hibernating, which Snorlax tends to do a lot more than Munchlax does. Also, the only way to obtain a Munchlax in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum is to smear some Honey (yes, with a capital H) on special Honey Trees throughout the Sinnoh region and check up on them a couple of hours later, which only adds up to what it is based on, as most bears - and especially black bears - love honey. Additionally, Snorlax may be based on a so-called 'food coma', a state of sleepiness after eating copious amounts of food.

A parody of My Neighbor Totoro. 

Ironically enough, Snorlax is more than competent in competitive battling. Snorlax possesses a crazy amount of HP and some great attack and special defense as well. Its defense is kind of bad and its speed is just downright terrible, but its massive HP should make up for its mediocre defense stat, anyway. Due to its bulk, Snorlax is a very irksome Pokémon to deal with, and very hard to take down without good physical-based fighting-type moves. There are various ways to use Snorlax, but the most common method is the tank: Careful or Impish nature with EV investment in HP, defense and maybe special defense, and the Leftovers to hold for some annoying HP recovery after every turn. Moreover, a bulky Snorlax runs Curse (lowers its already terrible speed but increases attack and defense), Rest (fully recovers Snorlax but puts it to sleep as well), Body Slam (a pretty good STAB move that has a 30% chance to paralyze the foe) and either Earthquake or Crunch, depending on who and what you're gonna fight. Finally, the Thick Fat ability makes Snorlax resistant to fire- and ice-type moves, while Immunity prevents it from being poisoned. Both add up to its bulk and are excellent choices. Additionally, an all-out attacking Snorlax with an Adamant nature and a Choice Band or Assault Vest as held item might also work; its movepool is diverse enough for that. Especially when you invest some EVs in attack and either HP or defense (or both) and let it hold an Assault Vest, which gives it a 50% boost in its special defense but limits it to using damaging moves, Snorlax is still a bulky beast that's hard to defeat.

A Snorlax blocking the way on Kalos Route 7. 

Maybe it's because I find myself annoyed whenever I need to battle a Snorlax, but I don't really care for this thing. It doesn't look terribly interesting, and I think I've started developing an aversion towards obese-looking Pokémon in my hate for Lickilicky. Now, that wouldn't be entirely fair towards Snorlax, because I never hated it (and I technically still don't), but I don't particularly like that fat-ass, either. I'll grant it a narrow 3-star rating, but it'll have to make do with that; it's the best I can give it.

Rating: 3/5

#128: Tauros

Eh. Is it bad that I forgot that this Pokémon existed at all?

Tauros is one of those Pokémon that are easily forgotten, and I think it just crept into the limbo area of my memory; you know, that area in which you put all of those things you forget or want to forget, never for them to return. Okay, let me get this straight: it's not that I had completely forgotten that Tauros is a thing - in fact, I've known it was there all along - but it's such a generic and uneventful Pokémon.

Official Sugimori art of Tauros.

Honestly, you can't be that surprised about that. In the 35th episode of the first season of the anime, "The Legend of Dratini" (Dratini's Japanese name is Miniryū (ミニリュウ), but most non-Japanese people obviously use its English name), Ash catches a horde of exactly thirty Tauros in the Safari Zone. But even though the American voice-over actors actually recorded the episode, the network deemed the episode too violent and offensive due to the frequent use of firearms. Of course, that left a major plot hole that confused many viewers and left them wondering as to when, where, how and why Ash caught these Tauros in the first place. It doesn't really help that Tauros's design is somewhat bland and that its Pokédex entries seem to be copied from those of other Pokémon. Tauros is a violent and rowdy Pokémon that easily gets angry, and it is not the first. On the contrary, it isn't even satisfied unless it is rampaging. Once Tauros starts charging, it is unable to stop until it hits something (Rhyhorn, anyone?). It locks horns with others of its kind to prove its strength, and the herd's protector will take pride in the battle scars, but this would not be the first case of rivalry among a certain species. Tauros also looks like a regular bull, but with three tails instead of just one. Okay, it uses those to whip itself in order to incite itself, but that is hardly something worth mentioning.

Now, this is an interesting take on Tauros. Pretty funny fan art.

So, what really defines Tauros is its competitive use, then? Well no, not really. Why, it cannot be denied that Tauros can be a good Pokémon, because its attack and speed are excellent and its defensive stats are pretty decent. Game Freak provided Tauros with three possible abilities, and all have their uses: Intimidate lowers the opponent's attack stat when Tauros is switched in, Anger Point maximizes Tauros's attack stat when it is hit by a critical hit (somewhat situational and kinda risky, but if you manage to pull it off, you're set), and its hidden ability Sheer Force removes additional effects of moves and strengthens those. If you want to go all-offensive, the latter might be the best option, especially if you consider Rock Climb. Tauros can only learn this STAB normal-type move in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, but it's just a matter of transferring it to your current 3DS game (X, Y, ORAS) via Pokémon Black or White. Watch out, because Rock Climb only has 85% accuracy. Complete the set with the moves Zen Headbutt, Earthquake and Rock Slide, a Jolly nature and a held item (Life Orb, Choice Scarf, Choice Band, whatever), and you're ready to go. Tauros can learn Iron Head, Iron Tail, Wild Charge, Stone Edge and Outrage as well, but you probably won't need 'em.

Fan art of a surfing Tauros. And yes, for some reason, Tauros can learn Surf
in-game. I didn't even know bulls could swim? 

By the way, I'll have you know that I'm using Smogon as a backup for writing my recommendations, and I notice that it's common to use a Naive Tauros with either Flamethrower or Fire Blast. This is pretty silly though, because Tauros's special attack is absolutely atrocious and should not be used whatsoever, and if you ever need a fire-type move, there are a lot of special-based fire-type Pokémon that can pull it off a lot better than Tauros can.

Also, it might be an interesting thing for y'all to know that Tauros's name comes from Kentauros (ケンタロス), its Japanese name, which itself derives from the Greek κένταυρος, meaning 'centaur'. Centaurs are creatures with the upper body of a human and the lower body of a horse, which Tauros definitely isn't. It is based on ταυρος and taurus instead, Greek and Latin for 'bull', respectively. Additionally, Taurus and Centaurus are both large-sky constellations representing a bull and a centaur, respectively. Too bad Game Freak never did anything with its name origin... But, well, although I think Tauros is kind of an boring and unimaginative Pokémon, I don't hate the thing at all.

Rating: 3/5

#114, #465: Tangela & Tangrowth

Old official art of Tangela by Ken Sugimori.

Tangela and Tangrowth... I have no idea what to think of these strange Pokémon. Nobody knows what their vine-covered bodies look like, and apparently nobody seems to take the trouble to find out. Tangela does exactly what you expect it to do: entangle victims when they move too close to them, constantly jiggling its vines so as to deter herbivores that might mistake it for a shrub. Tangela's seaweed-like, ever-growing vines (and Tangrowth's arms, with which it entangles and catches prey, for that matter) will snap off easily and painlessly if the target pulls on them or eat them and grow back almost immediately, which indicates that - at least in Tangela's case - the ensnaring is only a defense mechanism in order to scare off intruders and potential predators. This suggests that their vines are frail, which is contradicted by game mechanics, as Tangela and its evolution Tangrowth are extremely (physically) defensive Pokémon. It would seem logical that Tangela and Tangrowth's vines protect them from severe harm.

Fan art of Tangela (right) and Tangrowth (left). 

That great defense stat comes into handy in competitive play, for both Tangela and Tangrowth. As is the case with Chansey (see previous post), Tangela benefits greatly from the Eviolite, which raises its defense and special defense by 50%. That will help Tangela to take even a couple of special hits. It does not have Chansey's massive HP stat, though, so it is easier to wear down with special moves than Chansey is with physical moves. And while Tangela does rely heavily on the Eviolite, it is not uncommon for some players to run a Modest one with EV training in its base 100 special attack and an offensive moveset consisting of Leaf Storm, Giga Drain, either Hidden Power or Ancient Power, and Sleep Powder to put the foe to sleep. Sludge Bomb is an option as well, to hit grass and fairy types. However, more common are Bold Tangela with EV investment in HP and defense, which emphasize Tangela's endurance and physically defensive character. Especially with the moves Toxic and Synthesis, the latter of which heals half of Tangela's HP, and its hidden ability Regenerator, which heals ⅓ of Tangela's HP when it is switched out, you can make Tangela last for a long time.

TCG art of Tangrowth.

Tangrowth, which can be obtained by leveling up Tangela while it knows Ancient Power (which is in my opinion the dumbest method ever), seems redundant when you have such a useful pre-evolution, but it actually has its uses, especially due to its access to Knock Off. While Tangela's attack stat is nothing to write home about, Tangrowth's base attack and special attack are roughly the same; they're at 100 and 110, respectively. As a result, Tangrowth can be used in plenty of different ways: an all-out physical offensive one with Power Whip, Knock Off, Earthquake, and either Rock Slide or Poison Jab, holding either a Life Orb or a Choice Band; an all-out specially offensive one with Leaf Storm, Focus Blast, Sludge Bomb and Giga Drain, holding either Choice Specs or a Life Orb; a specially defensive mixed attacker with a Brave, Quiet or Sassy nature, holding an Assault Vest (raises Tangrowth's special defense by 50%, which it may need), so it focuses on both defense and offense; and a physically defensive physical or mixed attacker with Leftovers and either a Bold or Relaxed nature, respectively. It is so versatile, but because its physical movepool is better and more useful than its special movepool, I lean more towards a physical Tangrowth. At all times, its ability should be Regenerator, just like Tangela's. The other two, Leaf Guard and Chlorophyll, only work well on a sun team.

While these two Pokémon definitely have their uses, I am not too fond of them. Tangela is alright, but Tangrowth is yet another of these weird Gen. IV evolutions, although I have to say that I don't hate it and that it's not near as bad as Magnezone and definitely not as bad as Lickilicky and Probopass.

Rating: 3/5

#83: Farfetch'd

Official Ken Sugimori art of Farfetch'd.

Oh, man. THIS thing.

Okay, first things first: let's take a look at Farfetch'd's concept. It's a duck. That much is obvious, at least. It's a tasty duck at that, because Farfetch'd is a delicacy and makes for a delicous meal, especially when cooked with leek. Now, let it be the case that Farfetch'd is always carrying a leek stalk or a spring onion with it in its wings, sometimes fighting over the best sticks with other Farfetch'd. In fact, it is unable to live without one, as it serves as a weapon, nesting material and emergency food source. And its own garnish, apparently, because Farfetch'd is almost extinct due to it being hunted down for food in the first place. Survival of the fittest? Well, Darwin's evolution theory definitely does not apply to Farfetch'd. It does leave food for thought, though (pun intended). I mean, think about it: this means that the Pokémon world is pretty much like our world, in which we keep animals as a pet but also slaughter them in order to consume them. If we assume that there are no ordinary animals in the Pokémon world and the people there also eat other kinds of meat than just Farfetch'd, there is a big chance that Pokémon like Miltank and Tepig are also kept for slaughter. However, with the exception of the occasional wacko, nobody in our world keeps a cow or pig, usually animals kept as livestock, as a pet. Nor would anybody eat their dog, cat, hamster, goldfish or canary, while we're at it. Pokémon, on the other hand, are often regarded as people's friends, pets and even fighting tools. If you take that into account, I'd figure it is hard, and even somewhat callous, to eat a Pokémon you know you can have a strong bond with or you know can be useul in battle. Like I said: food for thought.

Farfetch'd repeatedly beating Psyduck on the head with its stick.
And the poor thing already suffers from severe headaches. 

Not that Farfetch'd (whose name may be inspired by a Japanese saying that can be translated as 'a duck comes bearing green onions', which means as much as 'something suprising but convenient') is much of a fighting tool, anyway. In fact, its stats are awful. Terrible. Horrendous. Disastrous. Dreadful. Horrible. Horrific. Abominable. You name it, goddammit. Its defenses are mediocre at best, but they won't help it, because its HP stat really doesn't back them up. Farfetch'd's speed is awful; it would have to take a hit from its opponent before it can make a move, which it isn't capable of in the slightest. Of its attacking stats, its physical attack stat is the best, although it still isn't all that. Farfetch'd has access to one nifty move that can raise it by two stages, though: Swords Dance. And if you manage to have the opponent lower one of Farfetch'd's stats, which I don't recommend at all, its hidden ability Defiant will raise its attack by two stages as well. Combine that with its signature item Stick, which increases its critical hit ratio, and physical moves that have a high chance to crit, such as Slash, Night Slash and Leaf Blade, and you might have a somewhat decent Farfetch'd. No success guaranteed. It's a shame Farfetch'd isn't a little bit stronger, because it also learns some nice STAB moves like Acrobatics, Brave Bird and Fly, along with Poison Jab, Steel Wing and U-Turn. That is some nice type coverage; too bad it can't make use of it well.

Farfetch'd is a terrible competitive battler. Heck, it's even disappointing when you use it in a regular playthrough. It does have an interesting flavor to it, though (in this case, pun most definitely intended), and its design and concept are funny enough, so I won't give it a bad rating because of the fact it is absolutely worthless in battle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I suddenly have an inexplicable hunger for Peking duck.

Rating: 3/5

#46 - #47: Paras & Parasect

Newer official art of Paras.

Have you actually ever run into a Paras with pink mushrooms on its back and gotten totally ecstatic because you thought you had encountered a shiny Paras, only to find out that a regular Paras' mushrooms are actually pink; and NOT red, as I thought myself?

No? Lucky you.

Seriously though, apparently I just can't seem to remember certain Pokémon's color schemes. Paras is a perfect example of such a Pokémon. The worst part is that the mushrooms of a shiny Paras are actually pink as well; Paras is just a darker shade of orange in its shiny form. And if I remember correctly, Paras' mushrooms were RED prior to X and Y, even in the anime and its older official art... Or have its mushrooms always been pink in its official art? Well, it's whatever; I'm only confusing myself now. I should ask myself whether Paras is actually worth fussing over, and the answer is a firm 'NO'! There is nothing interesting about Paras itself, not even the parasitic mushrooms called tochukaso that are growing on its back and exert some command over Paras' actions. That is to say, these mushrooms only get interesting when Paras evolves into Parasect, when the host is drained of its nutrients and energy and the two tiny tochukaso become one big mushroom that has full control over Parasect. In short, Parasect is a zombie.

Those big, creepy, glassy, milky-white eyes, though...

Adorable mommy Parasect with her cute little baby Paras on
her back. 

You'd almost think that I don't like Parasect, but that is not exactly true. I just think Parasect is a tad bit underwhelming in battle. It is by no means a good competitive battler, as its defensive stats are only somewhat decent (but nothing to write home about); and while its attack is actually quite good, it has nothing to back it up with, like a good HP or speed stat or even better defenses. Not to mention that this thing has quadruple weaknesses to both flying- and fire-type moves, very common types in the game. Parasect serves a better purpose when it is used in-game, and with that I mean a playthrough of the main storyline. Like I said, its attack is actually a solid base 95, but the problem is that Parasect's movepool isn't all that great when it comes to diversity. It's staple move is X-Scissor, which you should deinitely teach it. However, while it is capable of learning grass-type moves, its secondary typing, they're all special-based and you'll find them doing less damage than you wish they would, especially due to Parasect's very medicore special attack stat. You don't even get access to Seed Bomb until after you've finished the Delta Episode in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. At least teach it Giga Drain though, as this move let Parasect heal itself while doing damage to its opponent, and fill in its other moveslots with Swords Dance and either Brick Break or Cross Poison.

When it comes down to it, I'll use Parasect. But only if I have to, 'cause I have no plans on using this thing anytime soon. The whole creepy parasite/zombie thing is quite interesting, if I'm being honest, so I'll give it an extra star for its flavor.

Rating: 3/5

#19 - #20: Rattata & Raticate

Rattata, the first generic normal-type rodent.

Rattata, probably one of the most annoying Pokémon in Pokémon Red and Blue aside from Zubat, would set the trend for introducing one normal-type rodent Pokémon that you could catch at the very beginning of the game in every subsequent generation. Sentret would be introduced in Gen. II, Zigzagoon in Gen. III, Bidoof in Gen. IV, Patrat in Gen. V, and finally Bunnelby in Gen. VI. Rattata was the original rodent though, and it was annoying as hell... well, at least in my opinion. Ain't nobody want no goddamn rat in their team, least of all me. Real-life rats aren't popular with most people to begin with, so did Rattata (or rather its evolution, Raticate) have a chance anyway? Surely there are some people who do like these disgusting animals, but they're absolutely not my cup of tea. Neither are they Ash's favorite animals, apparently: in the season 1 anime episode "Battle Aboard the St. Anne" he traded his Butterfree for a gentleman's Raticate. He regretted it immediately after, however, causing him to trade the Raticate back to its original owner while the ship Ash and his friends were on was sinking, although this was probably because Ash had become too attached to his Butterfree by then.

Add up the fact that both Rattata and Raticate can adapt to any environment to live in and almost always have the need to gnaw on something, often on rocks or logs but sometimes even on the wall of a house, and you have a nuisance rather than a useful Pokémon. By the way, Raticate is capable of chewing concrete walls, which might result in buildings to topple over if you're unlucky. Just imagine a plague of these things... Goddamn, you'll have the devil to pay.

Apparently, according to Game Freak, Rattata and Raticate
(depicted) are mice.

Oh, before I move on to discussing Raticate's fighting abilities, there is one little thing that really bugs me for some reason: Rattata and its evolution were classified as 'Rat Pokémon' in the first two generation, but from the third generation onwards, Rattata and its evolution have been erroneously called 'Mouse Pokémon'. Quite obviously, though, mice are not rats. They're from the same order (rodentia), superfamily (muroidea, which also comprises hamsters and gerbils and the like) and family (muridae, which basically includes all members of the muroidea superfamily), but not from the same genus. 'True' rats belong to the genus called rattus, while mice are most often classified as mus. Now, I know that these kinds of real-life things are often incorrect, inconsistent and sometimes even ignored in the Pokémon world, but Rattata and Raticate are obviously rats, not mice. I mean, it's in their names, for God's sake. I would really like to know which genius came up with the idea to give these rats the label of 'Mouse Pokémon', because I can't help but finding this the dumbest thing ever. Well, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about that now.

Fan art of Raticate.

Let's just see how Raticate fares in battle then, shall we? Well, as opposed to the other Pokémon you can find on the very first route in Red and Blue, which is Pidgey, Raticate is actually a lot more diverse. The only problem is that most coverage moves it learns are special-based, like Ice Beam, Thunderbolt, Grass Knot, Shadow Ball and Psychic. It learns Crunch by level-up. Dig and U-Turn are the only TM moves worth mentioning, but they are nothing special for in-game purposes (you're most likely not going to use Raticate for competitive battling, although one of its ability is Guts and boosts Raticate's attack by 50% when it is suffering from a status condition, which works pretty well when it's holding a Toxic Orb or Flame Orb) and don't hit as hard as they should when used by Raticate, although they provide decent coverage. Wild Charge is to be avoided, because Raticate learns Double-Edge and that move hits just as hard as Wild Charge does when used on a Pokémon that is weak to electric-type moves. The only difference is that Double-Edge is slightly stronger when Raticate is holding a Silk Scarf, for example, which you should let it hold, because one of its staple moves is going to be Return, a move that has a maximum power of 102 when Raticate's friendship level is maxed out. It learns Iron Tail and Zen Headbutt through Move Tutors, but you will probably have defeated the Elite 4 and the Champion by then.

The official Raticate art has changed quite a bit in this image.

Raticate has access to just enough physical moves to complete a decent enough moveset, but in the end it is just a bland Pokémon. It's speedy and its attack stat is decent, but it has nothing to make it stand out to other Pokémon. I don't dislike Raticate as much as I used to, but I can't give it any rating higher than three stars.

Rating: 3/5