#380 - #381: Latias & Latios

Latias (left) and Latios (right) as they appear in the manga
series.

I seriously considered rating Latias and Latios separately, but like with Plusle and Minun, they don't differ an awful lot from each other: they're both known as the 'Eon Pokémon', their stats are practically the same aside from some minor differences, their Mega evolutions look almost exactly the same, both only have one possible gender (Latias is female, while Latios can only be male), and they're each other's version counterparts. Heck, even their characteristics aren't that much different if I have to believe their Super Smash Bros. flavor texts. Both Latias and Latios become super aerodynamic when tucking their arms in, allowing them to fly faster than fighter jets; both use telepathy to communicate with others and detect their locations, emotions and intentions; both use the light-bending trait of their glass-like down coats to make themselves invisible when sensing the presence of a human or an enemy, as they tend to be pacifists; and both are intelligent beings that can understand human speech, even though this applies to all Pokémon to some extent. The only difference is that Latias is a delicate little snowflake sometimes (which is by no means meant to be derogatory on my part), as it is prone to crying shrilly to scare off foes when it experiences hostility towards it, while Latios has the ability to make its foe see an image of what it has seen or imagines in its head.

Some nice-ass piece of fan art.

In fact, it is able to share what it's seeing with Latias as well as with other Pokémon and humans, while Latias is able to share what Latios is seeing with other beings as well. This was only demonstrated in the fifth movie Pokémon Heroes: Latios & Latias, but I thought it was still worth mentioning. Also worth mentioning is the plot of this very movie, in which the Soul Dew, a special jewel that houses the soul of Latias and Latios's ancestor who once saved the city of Alto Mare from an evil Trainer, is sought by a female Team Rocket duo of Annie and Oakley - whose names are totally not a reference to the American exhibition sharpshooter Annie Oakley, by the way. Like, at all. In any case, the Soul Dew acts as a key for activating the Defense Mechanism of Alto Mare - or DMA for short - and once Annie and Oakley manage to get hold of the jewel and capture Latios, using both to control the DMA, they revive the fossils of the evil Trainer's Kabutops and Aerodactyl in order for them to find Latias. Aside from the fact that they look as undead as the rotten walker in the well on Hershel's farm (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little), the big chase that ensues through the canals of Venice - pardon me, Alto Mare - fails for Team Rocket, and Ash and his friends manage to free Latios from a DMA gone berserk. They also obtain the Soul Dew, but the damn thing turns black and vanishes the moment Annie tries to take it back. The waters of Alto Mare become one giant tsunami, which Latias and Latios try to stop with their psychic powers, but Latios is already weakened and it makes the ultimate sacrifice in order to save Latias and the rest of the city, becoming a new Soul Dew and the guardian of Alto Mare once the tsunami dies down.

Latios (right) reaching out to Latias (left) seconds before its death in Pokémon
Heroes: Latios & Latias.

If I included a poll with the saddest deaths in Pokémon, I have no doubt Latios's death would get the most votes. Maybe I'm callous, but I never cried when I saw this movie. I don't easily cry in the first place; you could show me the most tragic love story of all time and I still wouldn't bawl my eyes out, and I honestly think a movie is not worth spilling your tears over. Especially not an animated movie, since it's all... you know, fake.

Finally, Latios's Pokédex entry mentions that it only shows itself before and opens its heart to Trainers with a compassionate spirit, which brings us to Ash Ketchum. You can say what you want about him; he may be dense and highly incompetent at times, but he deeply cares about his Pokémon and always considers them his friends rather than straight-up battle tools, which is very commendable.

Mega Latios (left) and Mega Latias (right). Blue and red make
purple, so I guess these Megas aren't entirely illogical, but I still
think they're dumb and I tremendously dislike them. Ken
Sugimori must have really had an artist's block when he drew
these, goddamn. Literally the only way to distinguish these
Megas are the color of their eyes, otherwise they're basically the
same Pokémon. 

In the games, however, that's exactly what Latias and Latios are: battle tools. Earlier on in this post I've mentioned their similar stats, both having decent base 80 HP and excellent 110 speed. With base 80 attack, 90 defense, 110 special attack and 130 special defense, Latias tends to be more defensive than offensive, while Latios's attack and defense as well as its special attack and special defense are switched around. Despite that, both Latis are primarily used offensively, although Latias tends to be used more as an offensive support Pokémon with moves like Reflect Type, Defog, Healing Wish and Thunder Wave (not necessarily all of them on one particular moveset) along with a couple of offensive moves. However, its Mega allows it to go completely berserk, as its special attack and special defense are now a solid base 140 and 150, respectively, and Calm Mind boosts each of these stats by one stage every time it is used. Set up once or twice and go all out, that's my advice. That goes especially for Mega Latios, whose special attack is now 160 and becomes as destructive and indestructible as Mega Latias once it's set up. But not only does Mega Latios hit harder than Mega Latias, regular Latios is also stronger than regular Latias, and at exactly the same speed as well. That is why many people like to rock out with a regular Latios holding something else than a Mega Stone, such as a Choice Scarf, Life Orb, Soul Dew (yes, this is also an in-game item; it boosts Latias and Latios's special attack and special defense by 50%, but it was banned from regular tiers and now it can only be used in the Uber tier) or the Choice Specs.

Latias and Latios soaring under a starry sky. Beautiful fan art, i.m.o. 

You don't even have to worry about what ability you want, because both the regular and the Mega Latis come with Levitate, which gives them an immunity to all ground-type moves. Their nature should be Timid at all times, so that you can outspeed a good portion of the metagame, although a Modest nature could be run on Latios - Mega or no - to add a little bit more oomph to its attacking moves. And while there are a couple of differences in the level-up movepools of both Latias and Latios (Latias gets Healing Wish instead of Memento, Guard Split rather than Power Split, Mist Ball instead of Luster Purge, Charm in lieu of Dragon Dance, etc.), they basically learn the same offensive moves: Psychic, Draco Meteor, Psyshock, Surf, Ice Beam, Dragon Pulse, Thunderbolt, Hidden Power, Shadow Ball, Energy Ball... you name it. In short, there's no shortage of coverage moves to choose from - or healing moves, for that matter, because they can both learn Roost and Recover. Having both on the same moveset is of course redundant, but it's a nice thing you have a choice.

Latias and Latios racing across the water with the city skyline behind them. 

Aside from their Megas, though, there is one thing I don't partcularly like about them, which is their religious origin. Latias and Latios are based upon the aeons in Gnosticism, immaterial beings of concepts existing in pairs of males and females emanated from God and one another, hence their classification as the 'Eon Pokémon'. That's... fine, I guess? I don't believe in God and I don't think I entirely understand the concept of aeons, so that makes Latias and Latios's origin story a bit more confusing to me. I guess it could be a nice concept for someone who's into this nonsense, but I guess I'm going to rate Latias and Latios based on their designs and competitive utility, which are more than okay. I can't say either belongs on my favorites list, but at least neither will miss out on a good rating.

Rating: 4/5

#379: Registeel

This is one way to make Registeel look alien. Nice job.

You'd probably think that I, as a huge fan of steel types, would consider Registeel the best and most interesting Regi, but nothing could be further from the truth: I actually think Registeel is quite bland and boring. However, it has to be said that it has a relatively smooth design compared to the other Regi things, and that has everything to do with the fact that Registeel's body has been tempered by underground pressure for thousands of years. It was made of a material that is sturdier than any metal known to mankind, is able to stretch and shrink despite its hardness, cannot be scratched or damaged in any way, and is thought to be a curious substance that is nowhere to be found on Earth. On top of that, Registeel apparently has a hollow body and it has never been seen eating, so it's a mystery to modern scientists what this Pokémon consumes exactly. Unlike with Regirock and Regice, Game Freak are keeping us in the dark about the source material of Registeel's body; the thing is just that I love Regirock's imperfectly craggy design and Regice's badass flavor, so I don't see why Registeel should get more love than its... siblings, I guess? Can you even call them siblings? Does that make Regigigas their Daddy?

Hell, who cares?

What's more, in the non-English European versions of Diamond and Pearl, Reisteel's sprite was edited due to the position of its arm resembling a Nazi salute. The sprite was changed for all regions from Pokémon Platinum onwards, but it had already caused quite the controversy by then.

Registeel doing... something with magnetism, even though
there's nothing in its flavor that indicates it is capable of messing
around with that? Then again, it's a steel-type legendary, so it's
probably capable of doing stuff we had no idea it could do in the
first place.

In Registeel's defense, though, it is probably a lot better competitively. While its base 80 HP stat and base 150 defenses provide it incredible bulk, its very mediocre offensive presence means it may have to rely on Seismic Toss for dealing damage, which can only be learned via a Move Tutor in FireRed, LeafGreen and Emerald. If you are not willing to go out of your way to transfer your Registeel from Ruby or Sapphire to FireRed or LeafGreen, teach it Seismic Toss there and let it travel through three different generations (excluding Gen. VI, because the Poké Transporter just stores your Pokémon from Black and White in a box in Pokémon Bank, which is compatibe with Sun and Moon), a STAB move like Iron Head or Flash Cannon is probably a much better option. In any case, Registeel is most commonly used for Toxic stalling and setting up Stealth Rock, so those moves along with Protect ensure a solid but uninspired moveset. It's proved to be an effective moveset as any, and Registeel is probably better at it than certain other Pokémon, so there is absolutely no reason to sulk over that. You could even stir things up with Thunder Wave instead. Nonetheless, there are other sets to try out, including a Curse set that powers up its STAB Iron Head. You could round it out with a Rest/Sleep Talk combo or just all-out offensive moves like Hammer Arm, Superpower, Earthquake, Shadow Claw, Rock Slide, Ice Punch and Thunder Punch, but the drawback of the latter option is that Registeel doesn't have much offensive presence in the first place, like I said earlier - although at a base 75, neither its attack nor its special attack is terrible. Regardless, it's better to go with a support moveset backed up by Levitate and a defensive nature (Careful, Calm, Impish, Bold, Sassy and Relaxed are all excellent options, depending on whether you want to run Iron Head or Flash Cannon - or simply both), so that it at least has something useful to do; something it's good at.

Regice (left), Registeel (middle) and Regirock (right) going wild, by the look of it.
They even don't look as stiff as they always do. 

And that's pretty much the end of the Regi thingsies for now. I won't be discussing Regigigas after this, because I'm reviewing all Pokémon in National Dex order and Regigigas wasn't introduced until Gen. IV. It's not an evolution of any of the three, either, so you won't be seeing it here until I've finished Gen. III and the largest part of Gen. IV. For now, I'll have to rate Registeel, and I think I'll go with a more-than-average 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#371 - #373: Bagon, Shelgon & Salamence

While Game Freak really had a thing for medieval bowl cuts during the Johto era, they took a huge leap forward in time and reinvented the mullet when creating their Hoenn Pokémon. Shiftry was one of the two unfortunate souls to have gotten this terrible '80s haircut, but the first Pokémon I'm going to discuss today is so fortunate not to be obliged to stay this way, unlike Shiftry.

Bagon jumping off a goddamn cliff because it wants to fly.
Yeah, it is that boneheaded - quite literally, too. 

Bagon looks like a feisty little baby dragon living in rugged terrains, and in Hoenn it is indeed found in the deepest cave of Meteor Falls. It harbors a never-ending dream of one day soaring high in the skies and hurls itself off of cliffs every day in doomed efforts to fly. When it is frustrated at its inability to fly, however, it smashes its head against huge rocks and shatters them into pebbles or powder. This activity of continually bashing its head results in it becoming as hard as tempered steel, which implies that it shares some traits with the pachycephalosaurus - thick-skulled dinosaurs known for their extravagant skull roofs - even though we would get a full-fledged pachycephalosauridae family with Cranidos and Rampardos one generation later. Bagon's Sun entry even takes Game Freak's dumbness to the next level by stating that its desire to fly is assumed to be the influence of information carried in its genes. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Bagon's final stage is Salamence, which is a dragon/flying type and actually is able to fly and - here it comes! - produce other fucking Bagon. Surely baby Bagon are taught by their Mommies and/or Daddies that they will fly one day if only they would have a little bit of PATIENCE, right? Surely.

Oh Game Freak, I just flat out love your stupidity and ignorance sometimes.

Bagon, Shelgon ain't likin' this shit. Go jump off a cliff
or someting, but get off of there at once.

In order for Bagon to be able to fly, though, it has to go through an odd pupal stage for no less than 20 levels. There are bone structures covering Shelgon's body, which repel enemy attacks but make it extremely heavy, causing it to neither drink nor eat. Sucks for Shelgon, as it is trapped inside a musty cocoon and limited in its movements when it really, really, really wants to fly. Therefore, cells in Shelgon's armor-like shell are in the midst of transformation to create an entirely new body. Shelgon's wish to fly comes true when it finally reaches its final stage at level 50, evolving into a mighty flying salamander. And powerful it is, as it's prone to completely losing its shit, whether it be out of joy (flying around spouting flames from its mouth, making it bear a liking to archetypal fire-breathing European dragons) or rage (locking itself into an uncontrollable rampage, destroying everything around it until it tires itself out). And all because its desire to fly triggered a mutation that allowed it to grow large, red wings reminiscent to those of a manga character called Devilman - which I have never heard of, by the way. It becomes even worse when Salamence Mega-evolves, when it becomes even more brutal than ever before, up to the point where it is liable to turn against the Trainer who raised it. Anything and anyone in Mega Salamence's path will get sliced in two by its blade-like wings, posing no interruption to its flight, which earned it the notorious nickname of "the blood-soaked crescent". Yikes.

Some badass fan art of Salamence.

And you know what? Salamence is a monster in competitive play, as it is fast and strong and has decent bulk to it. The only downside is that it has a quadruple weakness to ice, making it unable to take even a non-STAB Icy Wind from a Gengar. That's quite alright, though, as you'll have other Pokémon to counter such things. Just try to compose a moveset to the best of your ability, for there are several different ways to utilize Salamence's strength. The first is a Life Orb set supported by a Jolly nature to maximize its speed and the move Dragon Dance to raise its speed and attack by one stage each every time it is used. The second is a Choice Band set supported by a Jolly nature and nothing but attacking moves - preferably physical, although Salamence's base 110 special attack allows it to fire off special attacks quite well, should you be looking for a mixed attacker. You could also opt for a Choice Scarf set, which allows you to potentially run an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. For a regular Salamence, the ability Moxie - which increases Salamence's attack by one stage every time it knocks out a Pokémon - is favored at all times, although the attack drop from Intimidate could put opposing Pokémon at a disadvantage at first.

Big, bad Mega Salamence.

When running the Salamencite set, Intimidate is pretty much required. You want to Mega-evolve Salamence as soon as possible, and not just when you've knocked out another Pokémon first in order to get a Moxie boost, so the attack drop from Intimidate before Mega-evolving could give you an edge. Moreover, Mega Salamence is crazy strong anyway; so strong, in fact, that it was banned to Smogon's legendary Uber tier. And if you're up against some insanely powerful legendaries, lowering their attack first could greatly benefit you, especially when you still have to set up with a move like Dragon Dance. After that, though, it'll be fairly easy for Mega Salamence to sweep - or at least leave huge dents in the teams of opponents, allowing you to finish them off quickly. The biggest difference with a regular Salamence's set is that Mega Salamence has Aerilate - I often hear other people butcher it to "Aerialate" for some reason - which is an ability that changes all normal-type moves into flying-type moves and even gives them a 20% boost, meaning Mega Salamence fares greatly on moves like Return and Double-Edge all of a sudden. Mega Salamence does still receive recoil damage from Double-Edge, so if you're going to abuse it, a move like Roost to heal its HP mid-match wouldn't be a luxury.

This image is all kinds of awesome! 

I am not as big a fan of pseudo-legendaries as I probably should be (Pokémon like Dragonite, Tyranitar, Salamence, Garchomp and Goodra are fan favorites, but I don't find them nearly as appealing or exciting as certain other Pokémon), and I'm probably one of the few not giving Salamence a perfect rating - if other people would also rate Pokémon, that is. Now, I think regular Salamence is a little bland design-wise, but I quite like the kite and/or aircraft design on its Mega form, earning it at least 4 stars out of 5. Not bad.

Rating: 4/5

#366 - #368: Clamperl, Huntail & Gorebyss

See? Clamperl's head is not actually the pearl on Spoink's head;
it produces an entirely separate pearl when it's on the brink of
evolution. 

Clamperl is one of two Gen. III Pokémon that can be found exclusively in the underwater areas of Hoenn, which you can reach by using the Dive HM. This Pokémon is only really interesting because it can evolve into two different deep-sea fish, which bivalves seldomly (that is to say, never) do in real-life; however, it would have been exceptional for an invertebrate mollusk to change into fish if only it hadn't been for the fact that this is the Pokémon franchise, where a remora becomes an octopus and dragons and dinosaurs have pupal stages. Then there's Clamperl's head, which looks like a pearl but doesn't actually become a Spoink's prized possession. In Spoink and Grumpig's entry I already mentioned that Spoink adores its pearl and even gets weaker when it's not holding on to it, but I also mentioned that the pearl on top of its head doesn't seem to be Clamperl's own head: Clamperl produces only one magnificent pearl in its entire lifetime, which is when its body becomes too large for its nicked and scratched shell and the Pokémon is on the verge of evolving. The pearl is said to be infused with a mysterious energy, which simply means it amplifies psychic powers, especially Spoink's.

Huntail as seen in TCG. I'd swear the tip of its tail resembles a Gorebyss's head.

When traded holding a Deep Sea Tooth, Clamperl evolves into Huntail. This oblong, eel-like fish uses the white spot on the tip of its tail - which resembles a small fishie with a single dorsal and pectoral fin - to entice pray before snapping it up with its large jaw. This is very reminiscent to biological and behavioral features of the gulper eel or pelican eel, which is known for having a giant mouth larger than its body. The tip of its tail is equipped with a light-producing organ known as a photophore, which turns pink through the process of bioluminescence, and is believed to be used by the pelican eel to lure its prey with because its body isn't built for hunting - though, ironically, the Pokémon it is based on is called Huntail. Huntail's spine is thick and sturdy because it has to live in the deepest depths of the sea, but I guess all deep-sea fish (or Pokémon) have found a way to withstand the crushing pressure deep under the sea.

Even though Huntail looks frail, it is actually surprisingly defensive stat-wise, but only in its defense stat: its HP is garbage and its special defense isn't all that. Its base 52 speed also doesn't make it very fast, but Huntail has one trick up its sleeve to get around that, which is Shell Smash. Obviously, this move is learned by Clamperl, but as Pokémon can retain the moves it has learned as its pre-evolutions, Huntail also has access to it. Shell Smash raises its attack, special attack and speed by two stages each, while its defense and special defense are both lowered by one stage each, but Huntail can hold a White Herb to restore its defenses. As this Pokémon is mostly a physical attacker (104 base attack v. 94 base special attack), a physical moveset consisting of Crunch, Ice Fang and either Waterfall or Aqua Tail is recommended, as is an Adamant or Jolly nature and its hidden ability Water Veil. Burn prevention is a good thing for a physical attacker, trust me.

TCG art of Gorebyss.

When traded holding a Deep Sea Scale, on the other hand, Clamperl evolves into Gorebyss. Bulbapedia offers quite a few suggestions on Gorebyss's origins, but I found exactly one animal that is the spitting image of this Pokémon: the long-nosed chimaera - and I am not talking about that mythological lion/goat/snake hybrid creature. Like Gorebyss, the long-nosed chimaera - or rhinochimaeridae - is a deep-sea fish living in the abyssal depths below 3,000 feet. These creatures stem from normal chimaeras and, like its cousins, they are commonly called rat fish or ghost sharks, even though they are not technically sharks; they are merely distant relatives of sharks and rays, having branched off from them nearly 400 million years ago and having remained a distinct lineage that has been basically unchanged ever since. And as if the resemblance with Gorebyss wasn't enough already, long-nosed chimaeras take on a pinkish hue when fished out of the water.

Huntail and Gorebyss.

Flavor-wise, Gorebyss is far more savage than Huntail. It uses its long, pointed snout to stab prey and siphon their body fluids... which oddly reminds me of a certain Gen. I fossil Pokémon called Kabutops, if I'm not mistaken. Many of its Pokédex entries mention its elegance and beauty, but all I can think of when I see it is that it's kinda weird. Again, Gorebyss is described as being able to withstand the enormous pressure of water at incredible depths. Therefore, its body is unharmed by ordinary attacks, giving it a very defensive touch. Like Huntail, however, its HP is booty and its special defense is mediocre, making its defense yet again its best defensive stat. But whereas Huntail can be both physical and special, Gorebyss really is more focused on special attack rather than physical attack: its special attack is a nothing-to-sneeze-at base 114, while its base attack is a less viable 84. Moreover, Gorebyss doesn't learn any physical moves of significance, which means you'll have to fall back on its decent special movepool. A White Herb set with the move Shell Smash is evident here - Gorebyss, too, can obtain this move through its pre-evolution Clamperl - and the rest of its moveset is filled up by Hydro Pump, Psychic and Ice Beam, although it can also learn Shadow Ball, Scald, Surf and Signal Beam if you're desperately in need of these moves (probably not). Naturally, Gorebyss fares better with a Modest or Timid nature rather than an Adamant or Jolly one. It doesn't have access to Water Veil, and if I may be honest, neither of the two abilities it does have are overly viable. Swift Swim doubles its speed in rain and Hydration makes it get rid of a status condition in rain, so putting it on some kind of rain team is definitely an option. If you don't, either is fine; like Huntail, Gorebyss can need the extra speed, although getting rid of pesky status conditions like that may help your cause as well.

Jesus fuck, I wouldn't want to encounter this thing underwater. Goddamn. (This
piece of Huntail fan art is awesome, though.)

Clamperl and its evolution are an interesting bunch, to say the least. I hate the 'holding an item' kind of thing when trading off a Pokémon in order to evolve it, but I'm pretty sure I have both Huntail and Gorebyss in my possession now. Thing is, I will probably never use these things, whether it be in-game or competitively, because they're too much of a hassle to obtain and I'm not really a huge fan of these Pokémon in the first place. I can get behind Huntail's design; Gorebyss's, not so much.

Rating Huntail: 4/5

Rating Gorebyss: 2/5

#363 - #365: Spheal, Sealeo & Walrein

Isn't Spheal honestly the most adorable thing you've ever seen? When playing through Pokémon Sapphire for the first time, I immediately fell in love with it and decided it would be on my team for the remainder of the playthrough... until it evolved, that is. It's a shame Game Freak felt obliged to give Spheal a first- and second-stage evolution, but I guess the end justifies the means; Spheal doesn't look like it's strong on its own, and it certainly isn't, so its evolutions were mere necessities. That doesn't stop me from loving this thing more than its evolutions, though; I put it on number 50 in my top 50 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, which I did for a reason, and it is still one of my favorite Pokémon to date.

It is just. Too. Cute.

Adorable little Spheal in TCG. Look at it, it's so happy!

One of the reasons for that is obviously its round shape. It looks like it can be used as a ball for all kinds of ball sports such as soccer, basketball and volleyball, and even leisure activities like bowling or bouncing around on a Hoppity Hop. Can you even imagine using it as a ball for certain kinds of arcade games, like Skee-Ball and pinball? In Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire, you can't actually use Spheal as a pinball to play with, but you can try to hit Spheal with the pinball - which is a Poké Ball or an upgraded version of that in this game - once one of them hops onto the icy slide. If you manage to do that, the Spheal will accelerate and go up the slide, ending up on a Sealeo that will bounce it into the basket (the same kind used in basketball) with its nose, as seen in the image below. It'll earn you more points than throwing the 'pinball' up the slide.

The Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire. The left Sealeo
is tossing a Poké Ball - the 'pinball' - into the basket, while the right one is tossing a
Spheal into it after the player gave it a push with their Poké Ball.

Spheal's appearance and flavor makes it even cuter: the stubby little ears, the sparkling eyes, the funny muzzle, its happy face... Did you know Spheal claps its fins when it's happy or cheerful, and that groups of them clap in unison when they're having a meal together, just to show their pleasure? That must be a sight to behold, and their noises must be like music to your ears. Too cute. Also, did you know that its blue fur is actually really plushy? Or that it moves around by rolling across ice floes because its body isn't suited for swimming or walking? Well, at least you know now, and none of this information is even the least bit trivial, goddammit. For heaven's sake, it is known for crossing oceans atop icebergs. That is not something I'm against, either: Spheal can bob right towards Europe, hop onto the Dutch mainland and jump directly into my arms, because it puts a smile on my face every time I look at it and I want to have one right this fucking instant. Spheal is pure joy. Spheal is love. Spheal is life. And if you don't agree with me, I'mma hunt you down and force you to watch images, videos and GIFs of Spheal until you can't take no more and die of sheer cuteness.

(Disclaimer: I may have exaggerated just a little bit in the paragraph above. Don't take me too seriously, now.)

Sealeo's official Sugimori art. Is it just me, or does Sealeo have a
double chin?

But then Spheal evolves and I have to miss my precious little beach ball. Sealeo doesn't look bad by any means - it is perfectly fat for a seal and looks like a logical evolution of my beloved little bouncing ball - but I'm not a big fan of its design and part of that is owing to that weirdly shaped mustache, which are actually whiskers; thick, fat whiskers at that, goddamn. I know their purpose is to make Sealeo blend in with Spheal and its evolution Walrein, who is even hairier than Sealeo, but I feel like they're too big for Sealeo's face. I also have the feeling many people readily forget it exist, and I must say it is kind of a forgettable Pokémon, even though it's a moderately interesting one flavor-wise. While its name suggests it's based on a sea lion, it is actually inspired from seals, much like its pre-evolution. Like the real deal, Sealeo tends to roll anything new it sees on its snout to test its smell and texture, even entertaining itself by balancing Spheal on its nose (as demonstrated by the Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire). Sealeo's tenedency to balance things on its muzzle is very reminiscent of the way seals in zoological parks perform tricks to provide for our entertainment. You can find the English word 'juggler' in Sealeo's Japanese name Todoggler (トドグラー), while its respective French and German names of Phogleur and Seejong both derive from jongleur - or Jongleur in German, because the German tend to capitalize every single noun - and its Chinese name Hǎimóshī (海魔獅) contains mó​shù​shī, which can also mean 'magician'.

TCG art of Walrein.

But Sealeo's juggling days are over when it evolves into Walrein, who is a... walrus. I mean, if a goddamn seagull can turn into an annoying-ass pelican or a bunch of eggs (pardon me, seeds) can change into a dragon-type coconut palm, surely a seal can evolve into a walrus, right? Anything is possible in Pokémon. At least Walrein's design has a certain degree of coherency, as its white hair blends in quite well with its blue body, whereas Sealeo's huge mustache feels comically out of place. The cream color of Spheal and Sealeo's bodies are now almost entirely gone in Walrein's design, and only its huge and powerful tusks look yellow now. Seriously, Walrein, brush your teeth. All joking aside, Walrein's prized tusks are strong enough to break a 10-ton iceberg in one hit, although it is possible for them to break off during battle. As if Spheal and Sealeo weren't fat enough, Walrein now has a thick blubber that not only repels incoming attacks, but also protects it against the temperatures of the frigid waters it swims in.

This looks amazing. Very realistic!

And Walrein is a bulky motherfucker, that's for sure. It's damn nigh impossible to kill it in one hit, and that is due to its crazy base 110 HP stat and very decent base 90 defenses. Unfortunately, it lacks access to Scald and therefore loses a bit of its competitive utility, but at least it's still a great addition to any in-game team due to its high special attack and access to Surf and Ice Beam. (Did I really say that Walrein isn't a good Pokémon to use in a playthrough when I was counting down my list of favorite Pokémon four years ago? God to the fucking damn, I was so dumb and ignorant back then.) Granted, Walrein isn't very zippy, nor is its moveset overly diverse, but its ability to tank hits and retaliate with strong STAB moves can make it a valuable asset to your team. And should you desire to make it more diverse move-wise, you can make it a physical attacker: its base 80 attack stat isn't terrible, and it has acces to some very nifty physical-based moves such as Aqua Tail, Waterfall, Ice Fang, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Iron Head and Iron Tail. Competitively, it's not recommended to use Walrein as an all-out attacker. It's better to utilize its bulk and use it as a supportive Pokémon with a defensive nature, the Thick Fat ability and Leftovers as its held item, as it has access to some interesting status moves: Roar forces the opposing Pokémon to switch out and prevents it from setting up with moves like Calm Mind and Swords Dance, Encore locks the opposing Pokémon into a conceivably undesirable move, Super Fang always deals damage equal to half of the opposing Pokémon's remaining HP, and the Toxic/Protect combo is a classic.

Instead of another Walrein picture, you're getting an image of this adorable Spheal
plushie. Look at it, who could withstand this fluffy pinniped? 

Walrein is alright and all, and I definitely don't hate or dislike it in any way, but I just adore Spheal for its cuteness. I don't give a fuck about how good or bad it is in-game or competitively; some Pokémon belong to my favorites because they are cute, which is also the case with Furret, Shuckle and Mew - although the latter is actually really good in the competitive metagame. I could keep gushing about Spheal, but you already know by now what I think about it and what rating it's going to get.

P.S.: Did you know that Spheal and its evolutions are actually primary ice?

Rating Spheal: 5/5

Rating Walrein: 4/5

#361 - #362, #478: Snorunt, Glalie & Froslass

So only now we've bumped into the first true Gen. III ice types - and no, I do not count Castform's Snowy Forme as such. Hoenn is a tropical region with too much water and it is hard to implement ice types into such a region in the first place, so they were put away in a remote salt cave at the northeastern edge of the region, which - with a little bit of bad luck - would be completely overlooked by the player if they were in a rush to complete the game. Route 125 and Shoal Cave are just north of Mossdeep City, but there is nothing else to find beyond these places, so they're not mandatory for the player to visit. And even though the Snorunt and Spheal lines are the only ice types you can find in the games (not counting Regice as of yet because it is tricky to obtain, and definitely not counting Castform), by the time the player arrives in Mossdeep City they will probably have a full team of six already.

Snorunt plushies, the middle of which is that of a shiny Snorunt. 

Another drawback for players to put a Snorunt on their team is the fact that this little critter evolves at level 42, which is way too damn high for a Pokémon that isn't worth the hassle. Don't get me wrong; Glalie is great and all, but base 80 stats across the board isn't worth waiting until level 42. And with base 50 stats Snorunt can't do an awful lot by itself, either. Instead, I think we should admire what Snorunt is supposed to represent: a small, child-sized Pokémon based on a couple of different yōkai. The zashiki-warashi, or "guestroom child", is a mischievous Japanese spirit in the form of a five- or six-year-old child that is often sighted in Iwate Prefecture, somewhere in northern Japan. Those who see it are said to be visisted with good fortune, which is the exact same thing the Pokédex says about Snorunt, too. Another inspiration for Snorunt might be the yukinko, a childlike spirit said to emerge when it snows, often depicted as elf-like and wearing a yuki mino - the latter being a traditional type of winter wear from the snowy parts of Japan that consists of a conical snow cloak made of straw. Snorunt seems to be stylized version of a yuki mino, which is probably why it can stand temperatures of -150°F. From Pokémon Platinum on, Snorunt's Pokédex description of gathering under giant leaves and living together in harmony with others of its species is a reference to the Koro-pok-guru, a race of small people in the folklore of the Ainu people. They are said to live under the leaves of plants in harmony, and their name seems to support that: Koro-pok-guru literally means "people under the butterbur plant". The only problem is that Snorunt doesn't look the part and that it doesn't fit its design and typing, either.

Official Sugimori art of Glalie.

Nor does Glalie look like a logical evolution of Snorunt, for that matter. It's like the head of a goblin with nothing else attached to it, but basically Glalie consists of a black rock core covered by ice that will not even melt under a direct flame. If that is the case, why wasn't it made part rock type? Glalie would have benefited from that if it hadn't been for these two bad weaknesses to fighting and steel it otherwise would've had, but the latter type wasn't as prevalent in competitive play as it is now with all those fairy types around. Instead, we just got a Pokémon based on a hockey mask whose name is a combination of 'glacier' and 'goalie'. Indeed, 'goalie'; how fucking obvious do you want to make it, anyway? Even its Japanese name Onigohri (オニゴーリ) bears a phonetic similarity to 'goalie', while the word Torwart in Glalie's German name Firnontor means 'goalkeeper'. It doesn't even remotely resemble anything from Japanese culture anymore, aside from maybe a standard type of oni (an ogre- or troll-like creature) with horns. And what about that flavor? It can freeze moisture in the atmosphere... - yeah, no shit; it's a fucking ice type - ...into any shape it desires.

Okay, that's actually pretty cool.

And as if Glalie didn't look ugly enough, it has an ugly personality as well: it actually enjoys putting its prey in a frozen state with its icy-cold breath and gobbling it up afterwards. What's more, Glalie got a Mega evolution that no one saw coming, and it can now temporarily float around with a dislocated jaw. I can almost hear it scream in agony. It's tragic, really, as Mega Glalie can instantly freeze its prey but cannot eat said prey because its jaw is destroyed.

Some pretty cool (get it?) fan art of Froslass.

Glalie's Korean name Urumkisin (얼음귀신) - from eol'eum ('ice') and gwishin ('ghost'), so literally 'ice ghost' - would have fit Snorunt's alternative evolution Froslass a whole lot better. Froslass, evolved from a female Snorunt by use of a Dawn Stone, is the franchise's only ice/ghost type, and for a good reason, too: it is based on the yuki-onna, a ghostly woman in Japanese folklore often associated with winter and snowstorms. I already mentioned these spirits in Jynx's review, but as Froslass is a ghost type and the yuki-onna is supposed to represent a female ghost (which is also the reason why only female Snorunt can evolve into Froslass), it makes much more sense that the latter was the inspiration for Froslass rather than Jynx. However, none of the legends about the yuki-onna are as lurid as Froslass's Pokédex descriptions. It's all very interesting to read that it has cold breath (so does Glalie), that it has a hollow body (so does Dusclops) and that legends in snowy regions say that a woman who got lost on an icy mountains was reborn as a Froslass, but let's take a look at the entries it got in Pokémon Sun and Moon recently.

Pokédex entry Sun:
"When it finds humans or Pokémon it likes, it freezes them and takes them to its chilly den, where they become decorations."

Pokémon entry Moon:
"The soul of a woman lost on a snowy mountain possessed an icicle, becoming this Pokémon. The food it most relishes is the souls of men."

Why, excuse the living hell out of me? So, in the hypothetical case that I'm roaming about in the snowy mountains and just by happenstance encounter a Froslass, I'm pretty much screwed? I don't know about you guys, but I am 100% certain I'm never going on a skiing holiday.

A Froslass image with yuki-onna elements in the forefront. The
red band it's wearing is reminiscent of an obi, a sash worn with a
kimono or with the uniforms used by practitioners of Japanese
martial arts.

Trainers should be cautious when being around this thing, but on the off chance you decide to use Froslass in competitive play, you'll have yourself a speedy special att... wait, what? Its special attack is only 80? Damn, I always thought it had amazing speed and special attack and terribe everything else, but I guess I was wrong. Well, it's no use making it defensive, because it won't live a hit, so be clever and go with the specially offensive approach anyway. I was going to recommend a Timid nature, but I guess it can use the special power boost from a Modest nature. And a Life Orb, for that matter, which will make moves like Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, Signal Beam, Psychic and Thunderbolt hit foes just this little bit harder. As it's fast to begin with, a utility moveset might not be bad; Taunt is to prevent foes from setting up with stat-boosting moves, Spikes lays a layer of - you guessed it - spikes that hurt incoming Pokémon on the opponent's side of the battlefield, Will-O-Wisp burns foes and thus inflicts residual damage every turn, and a fast Destiny Bond might be beneficial if a certain Pokémon proves to be an issue. Of course, a utility moveset calls for a Focus Sash rather than a Life Orb. The only thing left to discuss is its ability, but it has only two. Its regular ability Snow Cloak boosts Froslass's evasion when it's hailing, which it almost never does, so ignore that one. Its hidden ability is Cursed Body and has the power to disable certain moves when Froslass is hit by one, which could definitely come in handy.

It's pretty hot in the Netherlands right now, but this image
spontaneously gives me the chills.

So, we've discussed Froslass, but what about Glalie? Well... my advice is to not use it unless you go Mega. Regular Glalie is just not good enough and can't get anything done, so you'd be wise to Mega-evolve it. Mega Glalie has Refrigerate for its ability, which turns all normal-type moves into ice-type moves, effectively making them STAB. This means a decent 102-power phsyical-based ice-type move in Return, as well as an ice-type Explosion. It's what most people use Mega Glalie for, anyway: doing some moderate damage to opponents with moves like Return and Earthquake, only to cause a gigantic and unexpected climax and blow it up for a whopping 250 power. That's one almost guaranteed OHKO right there, so Explosion is perfect to remove a specific threat from the game. Sure, you'll lose your own Mega Glalie in the process, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices in order to advance the match. If blowing Mega Glalie up is unfavorable, you could also run a moveset consisting of Return, Ice Shard, Earthquake and Iron Head, of course supported by a Jolly or Adamant nature - or a Naive, Hasty, Lonely or Naughty nature if you decide to use Freeze-Dry instead of Iron Head in order for you to super-effectively hit water types as well. Nonetheless, Mega Glalie is pretty much one-dimensional and therefore very predictable.

I wish I could like these Pokémon more than I currently do, but Mega Glalie is a little too weird - even to my taste - and Froslass is unimpressive when it's not about its flavor. That doesn't stop me from giving both Pokémon a good rating - the same one at that, too - and to be quite honest, 4 stars are nothing to sneeze at. I don't know exactly what it is that could make them sneeze, because I doubt these Pokémon can catch a cold, but that is not the point.

P.S.: What's with Froslass's classification as the 'Snow Land Pokémon'? I really don't understand the 'land' part...?

Rating: 4/5

#357: Tropius

Tropius in company of Brendan and May. 

For a region that's considered tropical, Hoenn introduced suprisingly few tropical Pokémon. Tropius is basically the only one, and it's... why, what is it? It's obviously based on a sauropod, which were big-ass herbivorous dinosaurs with long necks and thick, pillar-like legs. But Tropius has big leafy wings growing on its back, as well as banana-like fruits beneath its chin. Apparently, Tropius continuously eats only its favorite fruit; it loves it so much, in fact, that it resulted in its own outgrowth of fruit, which is considered a deliciously sweet tropical snack that is especially popular with children. The large wings are used for flight - despite its bulky appearance, it is suprisingly maneuverable in the air - and for sugar production via photosynthesis. Whether the latter is to be 'blamed' for the sweet flavor of its own fruits is unclear and debatable, but I can't think of any other reason why its fruits are so incredibly sweet.

Pansage (on top of Tropius's head), Panpour (left) and Pansear
(right) enjoying Tropius's delicious fruits.

In short, Tropius's banana tree design is hilarious, although most people tend to forget it's there in the first place. At any rate, I haven't seen anyone using this Pokémon in a playthrough. That's not surprising, as its stats aren't anything to write home about. It has some very good HP and defenses, making it pretty bulky, but its attacking stats are lacking and its speed is just downright terrible. Even Dragon Dance, which is an egg move, won't give it a sufficiently significant speed boost - or attack boost, for that matter, as its base 68 attack is really mediocre. That doesn't make it a reliable counter to all these bulky water and rock types out there. The fact that it has weaknesses to rock and ice - the latter is even a quadruple weakness - doesn't help either, as rock types counter it right back and almost all water types can learn Ice Beam and Blizzard. It's a shame, really, because Tropius's physical movepool allows you to create a pretty neat moveset consisting of Dragon Dance, Leaf Blade, Earthquake and Aerial Ace. It also has Steel Wing, Outrage and Body Slam for type coverage (well, coverage... Body Slam isn't super effective on anything, but it's a moderately strong normal-type move that has a higher chance to paralyze the foe) and a decent ability in Chlorophyll, provided you set up the sunlight first. Thing is, it makes it even more vulnarable to fire-type moves, which it already has a weakness to, and its speed and mediocre attacking stats won't allow it to take a hit first very often or hit very hard in the first place. A Life Orb set with the ability Solar Power - which increases its special attack by 50% in harsh sunlight but makes Tropius lose ⅛ of its maximum HP at the end of each turn - will only wear it down, which only takes away from its moderate bulk.

A more realistic approach of Tropius.

As far as grass-type sauropods go, Meganium beats Tropius by a very large margin. Tropius is more versatile offensively, though only slightly, and competitively and design-wise Meganium kicks Tropius right outta the sky. It sucks Tropius doesn't have a better support movepool, because the only good combo I can find right now is Substitute/Leech Seed - Roost and Air Slash nicely rounding out its moveset - with the Harvest ability and a Sitrus Berry to hold. Neither is Tropius a good Pokémon to use for in-game purposes, for that matter, because its moveset is pretty lacking: Air Slash is amazing to have, but the best grass-type moves it gets are Solar Beam and Leaf Storm. The former requires a turn to charge up and the latter harshly lowers its special attack, which at a base 72 is already less than average. As the Energy Ball TM is only available late- or post-game and Leaf Blade is an egg move, it'll have to make do with the 65-power Leaf Tornado, which is... bad for a relatively weak Pokémon like Tropius. Rather, Tropius is one of the few Pokémon that is terrible to use in any context but should be appreciated for its uniqueness: it's an interesting and pleasantly designed Pokémon and just a nice addition to any collection. Moreover, it's the only Pokémon that really fits Hoenn's tropical theme, so I'll let this one slide.

Rating: 4/5

#355 - #356, #477: Duskull, Dusclops & Dusknoir

Official art of Duskull by Ken Sugimori, courtesy of Nintendo
and Game Freak, blah blah blah, yada yada yada... 

While Shuppet's appearance is reminiscent of common depictions of ghosts, especially those that are basically floating white sheets, Duskull is a stylized personification of the Grim Reaper, the embodiment of death: its body is a black robe with two bones on its back, its mask is basically a skull, and it has a single eye that floats between its eye sockets. The only thing that's missing is the scythe, but that's a minor detail. The question is whether Duskull behaves even remotely like the Grim Reaper. I'd say no, as it chooses a target in the dead of night and doggedly pursues its intended victim until it abandons the chase at the break of dawn, which the Grim Reaper doesn't. It's just an alternative name for the Angel of Death and has come into use as to allow us to embody the concept of death into a tangible creature. The truth is that death is imminent, and when it's your time to go, the Angel of Death - or Grim Reaper - will come and get you. It's not supposed to be a mean-spirited being; rather, the Angel of Death is impartial and just guides you to the hereafter when you pass away, whether this is at dawn, day, dusk or night. Personally, I don't believe in this spiritual/religious bullshit, but I think I understand the concept of the Grim Reaper and I doubt it spirits away disobedient or misbehaving children, let alone enjoys the crying of children. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Duskull can pass through walls no matter how thick they are, but I've seen other ghost-type Pokémon doing that, so I'm not impressed. I mean, I'm sure everyone here remembers the Gastly, Haunter and Gengar from the "The Tower Of Terror", the 23rd episode of the very first season. Right?

Dusclops in the anime. When you compare it to its official art, it is
actually much creepier: these hands actually look more human,
which is unsettling, but they're also in a much paler shade of gray,
making them stand out more than those of its official art. 

As for Dusclops... well, let's say Hoenn really likes the subject of black holes, as Gardevoir is known to create them and Dusclops pretty much acts like one: its body is said to be hollow and can absorb anything, no matter how large an object may be. Dayum. Also, Dusclops hypnotizes its foes and makes them do its biddig by moving its hands about in a macabre manner and bringing its single eye to bear. Dayum. It also likes being weird, as it seeks drifting will-o'-the-wisps and sucks them into its empty body. (Wait, does that mean it's consuming its kin? Duskull's German name is Zwirrlicht, which is a combination of Zwielicht and Irrlicht, meaning 'twilight' and 'will-o'-the-wisp', respectively.) Up till today, it remains a mystery what happens inside its body, but it is speculated that a spectral ball of fire is burning inside it. Not that anyone who has found out the truth can tell it through, as peering into Dusclops's body to see whether there actually is a mysterious fire burning inside its hollow body will only result in your spirit to be sucked into the void. Dayum. Contrary to Duskull, however, Dusclops is based on something much more uncommon than the universally recognized Grim Reaper: the chōchin-obake - literally a 'paper lantern ghost' - is a one-eyed haunted paper lantern, as its name implies. Dusclops even has some similarities to mummies, although this concept would be executed much better later on in the franchise in the form of Cofagrigus (have fun pronouncing that name). It has to be said, though, that Cofagrigus is in fact a sarcophagus rather than a mummy, but I cannot deny its cool design. And I don't want to know (yet) what houses inside it.

Brrrrrr, the realistic aesthetics make this Duskulll art very creepy. 

The weirdness doesn't end with Dusclops, however. It evolves into Dusknoir by trading it while letting it hold a Reaper Cloth, and if that ain't a reference to the Grim Reaper then I don't know what is. The cyclops aspect in Dusclops's design is retained, but Dusknoir's flavor is much weirder than its pre-evolution's: its antenna allows it to receive electrical waves from the spirit world that tell it to bring people there, although the anime has demonstrated it protecting people from being taken to the spirit world as well. These transmissions are a clear reference to electronic voice phenomena (EVP), which within ghost hunting and parapsychology are static noises found on electronic recordings that are interpreted as spirit voices. Protecting people from the spirit world doesn't stop Dusknoir from opening the yellow band around its waist and take the lost spirits from people into its pliant body, however, just so to carry them home or as it travels to unknown places.

Dayum. Duskull and its evolutions are some of the scariest Pokémon out there.

This artist managed to make Dusclops look more mummy-like.
Pretty cool.

The most surprising thing is that both Dusclops and Dusknoir are very bulky Pokémon, sporting some amazing defenses. Their HP is trash, but by investing some EVs in this stat Dusclops and Dusknoir will be able to take plenty of hits. At least they'll survive long enough to do whatever they deem necessary before going down. As Dusclops doesn't have good attacking stats, it is better to use an Eviolite support set: the Eviolite buffs up both of its defensive stats by 50%, making it more bulky than it already is, while a Bold or Calm nature increases either its defense or special defense a little, depending on which one you want, really. Dusclops has access to some nifty status moves, too: Will-O-Wisp burns foes and especially cripples physical attackers, Destiny Bond makes it take an opponent with it when it gets knocked out, Night Shade lets it deal a fixed amount of damage depending on its level (in online battles its level is usually 50), and Rest lets it heal up fully but puts it asleep. Alternatively, Pain Split shares the remaining amount of HP between it and the opposing Pokémon, so if the foe has 151 HP left and Dusclops 21, both will end up at 86 HP... or at least that's how I think it works. It's a pretty good moveset and I'd actually recommend Pain Split over Rest, but both allow Dusclops to last on the battlefield longer than your opponent would wish. While aforementioned moveset works phenomenally, there's also moves like Curse, Substitute, Memento and Taunt to consider. However, Curse and Memento only make it harm itself to inflict some kind of status condition that fades away when the opposing Pokémon is switched out anyway, so they're hardly worth the hassle, while Substitute works better with the Leftovers, which Dusclops is not going to hold because it needs the Eviolite. The only good option is Taunt, which prevents Dusclops from being set-up bait. Smogon mentions a Calm Mind set, but that's just... bad. Dusclops's base 60 special attack is just really mediocre and even after one or two boosts it doesn't hit very hard. It's not supposed to, either, so just stick with the moveset I mentioned.

Dusknoir opening its hollow body in order to throw a Shadow Ball in its opponent's
face.

Dusknoir needs another approach. Not only does it have a higher base attack stat (100, as opposed to Dusclops's base 70 attack), it also has a good physical movepool. It can pull of a STAB Shadow Punch or Shadow Sneak and hit relatively hard or just with priority, while sporting some type coverage in moves like Earthquake, the elemental punches, Brick Break, Sucker Punch and Rock Slide. Give it an Adamant nature and the Leftovers as a held item - the Eviolite only works on Pokémon that are yet to evolve, so it's useless on Dusknoir - and you'll be sure it lasts long enough to cause some significant damage to the opposing team. Alternatively, a Life Orb or Choice Band can be used for some more oomph behind its attacking moves. Both Dusclops and Dusknoir are best off with the ability Pressure, which takes an extra PP point from the move it is attacked with (I'm pretty sure it only works on damaging moves), so ignore its hidden ability Frisk.

One big happy family... I guess?

While I love the Duskull line's flavor texts, their designs don't really appeal to me all that much. Duskull and Dusclops are alright, but the more rotund shape of Dusknoir just seems really off to me. I'm not a fan of fat-looking Pokémon in the first place, anyway. For example, I'm not as big a fan of Snorlax as I probably should be; it's a fan favorite and I just don't get why. And you'd better remember my review of Lickilicky, who is my least favorite Pokémon in existence and will be my least favorite Pokémon until the day I die - which, hopefully, won't be for another 70 years at least. Of all the 'fatty' Pokémon thus far, Dusknoir is still the one I like the most - not in the least because of its flavor - so I reckon a 4-star rating will suffice here.

Rating: 4/5

#345 - #346: Lileep & Cradily

Even fan art depicts Lileep (bottom left, the purple vase-like
Pokémon with the tentacles around its eyes) being underwater.

Lileep and Cradily are the first fossil Pokémon since Aerodactyl near the end of the Kanto Pokédex. Johto didn't have a pair of fossils to choose from and it wouldn't be until Ruby and Sapphire that fossils made a comeback. Instead of mollusks and arthropods, however, we have a Pokémon that seems to be based on some kind of plant from prehistoric times. Nothing could be further from the truth, because it's actually based on an existing marine animal called the crinoid, which are often called sea lilies and were once thought to have gone extinct. These creatures are characterized by a mouth on the top surface that is surrounded by feeding arms, and they usually possess a stem they use to affix themselves to a substrate (a material that rests at the bottom of a stream; something like mud, sand, pebbles or boulders, for example). Lileep meets all of the criteria mentioned above, yet it is still a rock/grass type rather than a rock/water type, which leads us to believe it is based on some kind of extinct plant after all. It defies all logic, I'm telling you. There is absolutely nothing in Lileep's Pokédex entries that indicates it's a plant: it only disguises itself as seaweed, so that it can catch prey with its tentacles and swallow it whole. Said entries even state repeatedly that it lived on the seafloor 100 million years ago. Can it get any more obvious? Ugh, Game Freak... you have absolutely no idea what the hell you're doing.

More fan art of Lileep (left) and Cradily (right) dwelling on the seafloor. Obvious
reference is obvious.

Cradily suffers the same 'fate' as Lileep: the fact that the tentacles around Cradily's neck secrete a strong digestive fluid that melts its prey even suggests that it could have been the very first rock/poison type combo. It sure learns quite a decent amount of poison-type moves, too, so I wouldn't have been surprised if that had indeed been the case. It isn't, though, and Cradily's Pokédex entries even elaborate on the whole marine animal kind of thing, as it seemingly roams around the ocean floor of warm seas in search of food. Its body is apparently very heavy, because it serves as an anchor to prevent Cradily from being washed away when the weather is rough. This Pokémon may have been based on sea anemones, predatory marine animals with tentacles rather than the flowers they are named after, or even the predatory tunicate or ghostfish. This is a species of tunicate (marine invertebrate animals) resembling a cross between a jellyfish and a Venus flytrap, and lives anchored along the deep sea canyon walls and seafloor, waiting for tiny animals to drift or swim into its hood-shaped mouth. Both creatures obviously belong to the animal kingdom and are hardly an explanation for Lileep and Cradily's grass typing, but I guess it's no use to keep dwelling about this matter.

Also, why is Cradily classified as the 'Barnacle' Pokémon? It's not a barnacle. Bizarre.

Well, its utility in the competitive metagame is what matters, anyway. Despite having a type combo consisting of the two types with the most weaknesses - rock is weak to steel, fighting, ground, water and grass, while grass is weak to fire, bug, ice, poison and flying - it only has four weaknesses, two of which are uncommon offensively (steel and bug; fighting and ice are still fairly common). This, along with excellent defensive stats and its immunity to water due to its hidden ability Storm Drain, makes Cradily a great specially bulky pivot - especially when having a Sassy or Calm nature. It can set up Stealth Rock, keep its HP bar in the green with Recover and Giga Drain (the latter also serves as a reliable STAB grass-type move, fortunately), and poison opponents with Toxic. However, Cradily's offensive qualities are hardly anything to write home about - base 81 attack and special attack are pretty mediocre - and that results in it being unable to hit very hard, even with Giga Drain. Not that it matters. Much. Y'know, because even less offensive, bulky walls need something to attack with in addition to their support movesets. Cradily is good in what it does and it's best to use this Pokémon for these exact purposes rather than offensively, although switching into a water-type attack raises its special attack by one stage due to Storm Drain, allowing it to hit a bit harder with moves like Giga Drain and Ancient Power, if you must.

A little GIF of Lileep and Cradily going about their business in prehistoric paradise
(or something). Gotta love the Aerodactyl flying by in the background.

I may be complaining about Game Freak's inconsistency, but that doesn't mean I hate Cradily. On the contrary, even; I actually quite like its design, and I think both it and its pre-evolution Lileep radiate a certain kind of cuteness. Even competitively, Cradily's base stat total of almost 500 isn't bad at all, provided you use it for the correct purposes. Even though the Cradily I used in an Omega Ruby playthrough I did was quite underwhelming offensively, it didn't overly disappoint me because of its bulk. It's not the best fossil Pokémon by any means - even Armaldo, whom I'll be reviewing next, is better than Cradily - but at least it dodges a bad rating by quite a large margin.

Rating: 4/5