#347 - #348: Anorith & Armaldo

Image of a happy prehistoric Pokémon family (minus Tyrunt,
Tyrantrum, Amaura and Aurorus). Armaldo is the big arthropod
standing beneath Archeops, the big flying dinosaur bird. And I
don't know what the fuck Anorith - beside Arnaldo's right eye - is
doing exactly, but I can tell you right now that it certainly doesn't
have the ability to fly.

While it looked like Game Freak went out of their way to make the Gen. III fossils something unique and unexpected, they did go back to arthropods with Anorith and Armaldo. Kabuto and Kabutops may look more badass and menacing, but I don't think these Gen. III arthropods should be underestimated. Not only is Armaldo stronger and more defensive than Kabutops stat-wise, it also has a better typing in rock/bug rather than rock/water. The result? It doesn't have any major weaknesses to worry about aside from rock and maybe water, which aren't even quadruple weaknesses like Kabutop's one to grass, and it has access to a much better physical movepool, which it benefits greatly from. First off, Armaldo is much better suited to run a Leftovers set accompanied by moves like Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin in order to set up rocks or remove them, respectively. It's also able to take a hit or two - especially when they're physical-based - only to set up with Swords Dance and wreck entire teams with STAB moves like Stone Edge, Rock Slide and X-Scissor. It has much better type coverage than Kabutops in the fantastic Earthquake, as well as in moves like Aqua Tail, Aqua Jet, Cross Poison, Brick Break, Superpower, Iron Tail and Knock Off.

TCG art of Armaldo.

What's more, you don't even have to worry about your Armaldo getting critted, because its only regular ability, Battle Armor, prevents the opponent from landing a critical hit on it. Its hidden ability Swift Swim doubles its speed in the rain, but Armaldo isn't fast in the first place and the rain can be used against it, as water-type moves will cause devastating damage on it due to its weakness to this type. Running Swift Swim is possible in combination with a Swords Dance set and a Life Orb, but it will be quite tricky to pull off and I therefore recommend sticking with Battle Armor if you're not ready to take on complicated rain sets for a Pokémon that is weak to water in the first place. You do need another Pokémon to set up the rain, after all.

Isn't Anorith just adorable???

Anorith and Armaldo may be based on arthropods that have gone extinct, but that doesn't mean they're a complete rip-off of Kabuto and Kabutops. Anorith resembles an anomalocaris, an extinct arthropod believed to have been a predator of approximately 3 feet long and the ancestor of all modern-day arthropods. The anomalocaris had strange aesthetic qualities to it, possessing two large compound eyes on stalks protruding from either side of the head and a pair of arm-like proboscides extending from between its eyes. Those features were maintained when Game Freak created Anorith, and the result is an interesting Pokémon. When Anorith evolves, it becomes bipedal; and while some features of the anomalocaris are still eminent in Armaldo's design, including the side 'feathers' and the eyes on stalks, this Pokémon looks more saurian than ever. It makes Armaldo bigger and more intimidating and the claws protruding from its chest more lethal. And they are deadly, because they can be freely extended or contracted and can cut through steel slabs (which, of course, isn't noticable in in-game mechanics). The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that both Anorith and Armaldo are weak to water. Anorith's Pokédex entries clearly state that it once lived in warm seas, undulating the eight wings on the side of its body - which were once feet that transformed to adapt to life in the sea - to swim around. Granted, it went ashore upon evolving and thus it became bipedal, which was more convenient for life on land, but Armaldo still hunts for prey underwater and swims around using its two large wings - which are actually the yellow-edged black plates that are part of its armor rather than the weird 'feathers'.

Sigh. I love Pokémon, Game Freak, but you are not without your flaws, are you?

Still of a video tutorial teaching y'all how to draw (and color) Pokémon.

On its own merits, Anorith is kinda cute, but Armaldo is really where it's at. It doesn't look too menacing, but don't be deceived by its rather innocent appearance at first: this thing is a beast. While I never had the privilege to use one in a playthrough (the only time I used a Hoenn fossil was when I picked the Root Fossil rather than the Claw Fossil in an Omega Ruby playthrough of mine, and I only decided on that because I needed a grass type on my team), Armaldo's shrimp-like design appeals to me more than Cradily's disproportional plant-that-is-not-really-a-plant-but-a-marine-animal-called-a-crinoid-and-thus-cannot-actually-be-a-grass-type design. Armaldo doesn't belong to my absolute favorites, but at least I'll grant it half a star more than Cradily.

Rating: 4.5/5

#339 - #340: Barboach & Whiscash

"Barboach", by Ken Sugimori.

On its own merit, Barboach is a pretty cute but boring little fishie. It is based on the pond loach - also called the dojo loach - native to East Asia, and it shares a fair amount of characteristics with this bland and uninteresting fish. Barboach encases itself in mud and buries itself to hide from view, exposing the sensitive barbels that serve as a superb radar system in even the murkiest of water in order for it to detect and determine its surroundings. It secretes a slimy substance to make itself so slippery that it can squirm and slip away when grabbed by prey (or people, for that matter, as its Moon entry states that there are festivals where people compete to see how many they can catch bare-handed), but this film also protects Barboach against certain bacteria in the muddy water from entering its oblong body. Its gray body coloration is very similar to the silver or grayish brown color of the most common type of pond loach, and even its amber-colored shiny may be a reference to the rarer loaches with an orange color, although the shiny form's actual body is still gray.

Whiscash just casually swallowing the Master Ball Sullivan
threw at it.

Things gets more interesting when Barboach evolves into Whiscash, a giant catfish Pokémon with ridiculous whiskers. Whiscash is specifically based on the namazu - or ōnamazu in certain parts of Japan - which is a catfish found in Japanese mythology that is notorious for causing earthquakes and is the inspiration for Whiscash's Japanese name Namazun (ナマズン). And causing earthquakes is exactly Whiscash's shtick, because the earthquakes it triggers when defending its territory against foes extend for over three miles and it can foretell when natural ones will occur as a result of occasionally causing tremors itself. In addition to eating anything that is alive, it is shown eating inanimate objects as well. This could be seen in the episode "Whiscash and Ash" (season 7, episode 35), in which a Fisherman called Sullivan tried to hunt down a Whiscash dubbed Nero for its prominent size but failed because the enormous thing swallowed his Master Ball. Just like that. A season later, another episode with a Whiscash was set to air in Japan, but after the 2004 Chūetsu earthquakes in Niigata Prefecture, which occurred approximately two weeks prior to the scheduled air date, the episode was cancelled. It has never been broadcast in any other country either, and moves like Earthquake and Magnitude have been steered clear of in the entire anime ever since this event.

Nice hand-drawn fan art of Whiscash (above) and its little
Barboach (below).

Naw, Whiscash has hardly gotten any love since then, not even in the competitive scene. That's partly due to the fact that all of Whiscash's stats - barring its HP - are mediocre at best. Base attack and special attack stats of respectively 78 and 76 are nothing to write home about, and respective base 73 and 71 defense and special defense stats are even worse. Fortunately, Whiscash's base 110 HP back up its mediocre defenses neatly, which enables it to 'cash' a few hits that aren't super effective on it - and its water/ground typing makes it weak to only grass-type moves, so that's a plus, although this weakness is a huge one because both water and ground are weak to grass. And let's keep silent about its speed, because Whiscash will hardly move first. Fortunately, there is an answer to that: Dragon Dance. It's an egg move, but it's worth breeding for, because it increases Whiscash's attack and speed by one stage each. It won't make Whiscash an Electrode all of a sudden, but it definitely helps a little. And that attack boost is nice as well, as Whiscash has a more-than-decent physical movepool: it has STAB in Earthquake, Aqua Tail and Waterfall and type coverage in moves like Zen Headbutt, Spark, Stone Edge, Rock Slide and even Bounce. A Jolly nature complements a Dragon Dance set very well, although an Adamant nature isn't bad either and can be used over a Jolly one if you want a little more oomph behind Whiscash's moves. Let it hold a Life Orb, too, and it'll deal some serious damage.

Oh, and make sure your Whiscash has its hidden ability Hydration, which cures any non-volatile status condition when it is raining on the battlefield. Hydration is far more useful than Whiscash's normal abilities Oblivious and Anticipation; the former only keeps it from getting infatuated (seriously though, nobody uses Attract) and the latter warns it for super-effective moves, which is unecessary because you can see grass-type moves coming from miles away.

Whiscash... about to cause an earthquake, I guess?

Whiscash is a funny-looking Pokémon, but it sucks that it isn't just a little bit better competitively. If Dragon Dance had been a level-up move instead of an egg move, I'd definitely consider using this Pokémon in a playthrough. For now, I'll just appreciate it for its simple but effective design and its interesting flavor. I like it if a Pokémon is based on whatever mythology and I think this whole catfish-causes-earthquakes thing is perfectly executed in Whiscash. It's not one of my favorite Pokémon - at least, not just yet - but 4.5 stars will do for now. Don't forget that it's still eligible for a perfect rating; in fact, almost all Pokémon are if they start growing on me.

Rating: 4.5/5

#337: Lunatone

I was a little surprised that today's Pokémon Lunatone and its version counterpart Solrock (whom I will discuss at a later time) weren't included in the Alola Pokédex. You know, with them being based on meteorites shaped like certain celestial bodies the recent games were named after and all...

See? Solrock and Lunatone were anticipated to be in the Alola
Pokédex to such an extent someone integrated them in Sun and
Moon's logos. 

The moon is basically Lunatone's whole shtick: it is shaped like a crescent moon, its health ebbs and flows with the lunar cycle, and it brims with power when exposed to the light of the full moon. Lunatone is a meteorite first discovered at the site of a meteor crash, so some people theorize that it came from space, even though no one has been able to prove this theory so far. It is obviously a rock-type Pokémon, although it has psychic powers that allow it to levitate and cause its eyes to induce sleep or paralyzing fear in opponents. Unfortunately, that doesn't automatically make Lunatone a competitively viable Pokémon. It has a base 95 special attack stat and its HP got buffed from 70 to 90 in Pokémon Sun and Moon, but that doesn't quite cut it. Smogon mentions a Life Orb set with Rock Polish, a move that effectively doubles Lunatone's speed stat, but you'll need a valuable turn and the right opportunity to set it up reliably. Lunatone can be a sweeper, but I think it's in-game material rather than a competitive asset: it learns special moves like Power Gem (only as of Gen. VII), Psychic, Psyshock, Moonblast, Shadow Ball, Grass Knot, Earth Power, Signal Beam and even Ice Beam, Icy Wind and Blizzard. Not surprising, when you realize many people think it's very cold on the moon. However, in reality the moon is subject to extreme temperature changes, with temperatures ranging from -298°F at night to 224°F during the day. I'm not complaining about inconsistency or incorrectness here, because it would've been weird to see Lunatone use something like Fire Blast or Flamethrower, for example, as it does have a sort of chilly vibe to it.

Lunatone (left) and Solrock (right) posing for a family picture. 

For a long time, I thought Gen. III was the worst because of Pokémon like these, but now I realize it's the weird Pokémon that makes this generation so special: Pokémon like Exploud, Medicham and Lunatone all get maximum ratings from me because their weirdness makes them stand out to the other Pokémon in this generation, whom I think are pretty bland sometimes. And let's not talk about atrocities like Pelipper and Spinda, shall we? The best thing about Lunatone is that it has an even better and more creepy counterpart, although there is a fair amount of creepy fan art of Lunatone itself to be found on Google Images. Even its Gen. III sprites make it look more lunatic (pun most definitely intended), as it doesn't look like its eyes are deep-set but rather bulge from their sockets.

Rating: 4.5/5

#331 - #332: Cacnea & Cacturne

Bijschrift toevoegen

Shit, I don't know how to start this entry. Cacnea is such a forgettable Pokémon that I was almost surprised this Pokémon was next on my list. Obviously, Cacnea is based on a cactus - or, more specifically, the perfectly spherical barrel cactus - with some traits of a jack-o'-lantern, although it would be a whopping three generations later until we got actual jack-o'-lantern Pokémon called Pumpkaboo and Gourgeist. The problem is that Cacnea's flavor is a little bland, and I'm not referring to the fact that you can actually drink cactus juice to make yourself healthier. Or something. No, it's just that Cacnea can survive without any water for a period of 30 consecutive days, including in desert areas, which is... Why, I'm like, "WELL, DUH!!!" Most cacti live in arid areas anyway, and they never need much water in the first place. Moving on, Cacnea uses its thorny arms as hammers to attack its opponents. Great, so do other Pokémon; ask the ones who have access to Hammer Arm one way or another (fun fact: despite its habit of hammering opponents with its arms, Cacnea does not get Hammer Arm one way or another). The only somewhat interesting thing about its flavor is the yellow 'flower' on its head, which releases a strong aroma to attract prey; and the beauty and fragrance of this flower depend on the harshness of Cacnea's environment. It's not that interesting, though, and I think we'd better proceed with Cacnea's evolution Cacturne.

This is the Cacturne of a character named Harley. As you can
see, it is totally infatuated by... Team Rocket's Jessie! 

Cacturne trades Cacnea's yellow flower for a sun hat, its shape of a barrel cactus slash jack-o'-lantern for the shape of a seguaro slash scarecrow, and its pure grass typing for the grass/dark dual typing. There are actually a couple of explanations for the latter. The first one is that cacti are known as night plants because of this thing called crassulacean acid metabolism, or CAM photosynthesis for short, which is a carbon fixation pathway that evolved in some plants as an adaptation to arid conditions: the stomata (plant pores) remain closed during the day to prevent evapotranspiration and open at night to collect carbon dioxide. The second explanation is that Cacturne remains unmoving during the day - to prevent losing moisture to the harsh desert sun - and becomes active at night when the temperature drops, which may be a reference to the scarecrows in horror movies. It's a cliché, but all scary entities in horror movies come alive at night to take advantage of our limited visual perception when it's dark. It becomes even more unsettling when you realize Cacturne's Sapphire entry states that a ragtag group of this Pokémon will follow a traveler going through the desert in the thick of night and wait for the him (or her) to become exhausted and incapable of moving. Can we just acknowledge that Cacturne is a cold-blooded murderer? Yeah? Great, thanks. Kindly remind me that I won't be entering any desert for the entirety of my life.

Scary Cacturne.

But, ehm... such a malicious creature should be a beast in competitive play, right? Well, not precisely. Granted, Cacturne has base 115 attack and special attack, which is nothing to sneeze at, but its HP and defenses are terrible together and its speed isn't good enough for you to run a Choice Scarf set or something. Therefore, Cacturne is heavily reliant on a move Sucker Punch, which is a dark-type attack (STAB!) that moves first when the opposing Pokémon is using a damaging move. The problem is that Sucker Punch was nerfed in Sun and Moon and its base power is now 70 rather than 80. That is not terribly bad, but the nerf kind of... sucks, if you'll excuse the pun. Cacturne can be used as a wallbreaker or late-game sweeper, rocking Sucker Punch and several other attacking moves such as Dark Pulse, Energy Ball, Seed Bomb, Focus Blast, Brick Break, Poison Jab, Superpower, Fell Stinger, Drain Punch, Giga Drain and Thunder Punch. All of these moves are really good on Cacturne, to be honest, so you'd need a Rash, Mild, Lonely or Naughty nature to make it serve as a mixed attacker, although it could totally rock out with a physical Swords Dance set (with an Adamant nature) or a special Nasty Plot set (with a Modest nature). Depends on what you want or need. Just make sure to give it a Life Orb, which exchanges a little health for a bit more power each turn; it'll wear Cacturne down, but it won't be able to take many hits anyway. And if you think about teaching it moves like Synthesis or Destiny Bond: don't. Cacturne isn't fast enough to pull them off in the first place, and so you'd only waste your valuable turn. Make sure it has its hidden ability Water Absorb at all times, because Sand Veil only boosts its evasion in a sandstorm and isn't all that useful. Might as well give it an extra immunity to water on top of its psychic-type immunity and get some recovery off of incoming water-type moves.

Left: Cacturne waiting for heedless travelers going through the desert in the thick
of night. Right: a happy Cacturne mama with her baby Cacnea. 

It's a shame Cacturne seems to be one of those Pokémon in the 'forgettable' department. It's a scary and morbid Pokémon - which is why I'm surprised it wasn't featured in the Alola Pokédex, by the way - and it has a very pleasing design. Bogleech here opines that Cacturne is one of those Pokémon that is actually underdesigned for a change, and I am inclined to agree with him. A cactus is supposed to have 'seams' running its length, like Cacnea to some extent, and the spikes found all over its body don't look all that sharp - and trust me, I know from experience that a cactus stings when you touch it carelessly. Despite that, I actually really like Cacturne.

So... how about a rating of 4.5 stars? Yeah, that'll do. We don't want to make Cacturne all stingy, now do we?

Rating: 4.5/5

#325 - #326: Spoink & Grumpig

TCG art of Spoink. 

The next Pokémon has such a miserable and pitiful vital function that we might as well put it out of its misery as quickly as possible. Spoink is a pig-like psychic-type Pokémon with no hind legs at all; instead, it is constantly bouncing on its coily tail to keep its heart pumping. Its Pokédex entries mention that it dies the moment it stops bouncing, although it has often been seen keeping still in the anime series. Even the lore about Spoink's pearl carries a little bit of inconsistency with it. It's not about the fact that the pearl on its head - which is produced by Clamperl, by the way - is used to magnify Spoink's psychokinetic powers or that it is always on a constant search for a bigger pearl, often easily mistaking other round objects for its precious pearl. It's not even about the fact that Clamperl's face is found on the pink, pearl-like object situated in the middle of its shell; its Pokédex entries explicitly state that one Clamperl produces only a single pearl during its lifetime, and that is when its body becomes too large to fit in its rock-hard shell and the Pokémon is on the verge of evolving. No, it's a tiny detail that is found in Spoink and Clamperl's shinies: shiny Spoink's pearl is gray, whereas shiny Clamperl's pearl-like body is a vague gold color. It's a detail of little importance, really, and I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that I'm annoyed by such trivialities, but I couldn't help but notice it when I looked at the shinies of both these Pokémon.

TCG art of Grumpig. Because there honestly isn't all that much
interesting fan art of this Pokémon to be found on Google Images.

Aside from the fact that I'm not a pig fan of onomatopoeia in Pokémon names (man, is that pun bad or what?), I like Spoink a little less now that I know that the inspiration for this Pokémon is most likely based on a biblical phrase. I am an atheist and I don't know shit about biblical stuff, nor am I even remotely interested in that kind of bullcrap; so correct me if I'm wrong, but the phrase "...neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." is part of a verse from the seventh chapter of the Book of Matthew and more or less means that you shouldn't waste something precious on people that can't or won't appreciate it. I bet the few religious people I've met felt the same way about me when I gave them the cold shoulder after they tried to shove their religion in my face - and trust me, that has happened to me at least twice. But however much a swine I may be, this little piggy called Spoink (one of the ugliest Pokémon names in existence, i.m.o.) absolutely adores its pearl and even gets weaker when it's not holding on to it. That one big pearl splits into three small black ones upon evolving into Grumpig, though, maybe to emphasize that the manner in which they enhance its psychic powers is much more sinister now: Grumpig can control and manipulate Pokémon and people at will, and when it does so, it performs an odd dance that became hugely popular overseas - and with that Game Freak mean outside of Hoenn, I assume.

This is some pretty awesome fan art of Grumpig. 

Surprisingly, Grumpig doesn't quite make an impact in the competitive metagame. There are a couple of sets that are highly effective on this Pokémon, but its usage is pretty straightforward: it is usually put on a team as a specially bulky special attacker. It's got an amazing base special defense stat of 110 and some beefy HP to back it up, but its defense ain't worth shit, which leaves it vulnerable to physical attacks. If supported by a Calm nature and the Thick Fat ability, which gives Grumpig resistances to fire- and ice-type moves, this Pokémon should be able to tank a couple of special hits that come its way, though. A Timid or Modest nature for more speed or power, respectively, should do the trick as well, but don't even consider breeding Own Tempo or Gluttony onto this thing, because an immunity to being confused or the early use of a berry are side effects that aren't all that useful in Grumpig's case. For instance, Grumpig won't be holding a berry; instead, you should make it hold the Leftovers to gain a little bit of health back every turn, as it lacks any reliable recovery moves. And if you're really scared of your Grumpiggy getting hit by a dark-type move, you can give it a Colbur Berry, which halves the power of an incoming super-effective dark-type move. But Grumpig can't do anything in return without rocking a good moveset itself. One tactic is to let it set up a Substitute and use Calm Mind from there on, building up some strength and bulk before it can attack with moves like Psychic, Psyshock, Focus Blast, Power Gem, Energy Ball, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, while it can also paralyze foes with Thunder Wave and stall an opposing Pokémon with a Toxic/Protect combo. And as Grumpig can take a special hit in the first place, you might want to consider breeding Mirror Coat onto it, which has negative priority but does double the damage if Grumpig is hit by a special move.

I never realized that Grumpig could be so malicious. Look at this GIF and tell me
that this motherfucker does not look evil. 

I actually really like Grumpig. I used one in an Omega Ruby playthrough and I have to say it was one of the best members of my team, especially considering the fact that it has such good type coverage. At base 80 it isn't exactly slow, either, so most of the time it went first and dished out a lot of damage due to its Mild nature. It's too bad this whole pearl thing just had to be a reference to the goddamn Bible and that its flavor is a little bland compared to Spoink's, but I like the dark turn Game Freak have taken with it. It's still a more interesting and pleasing Pokémon than Spoink design-wise and I have to say I've grown attached to it quite a bit.

Also, it's purple.

Rating: 4.5/5

#318 - #319: Carvanha & Sharpedo

Nice fan art of Carvanha. The only thing that's off is the Mario
star on its belly, which really should be a four-pointed star... with
no eyes whatsoever. 

Today we have a couple of more interesting Pokémon than last time, that's for sure. Carvanha is - surprise! - based on a piranha (or piraña, if you will) and, as expected from a fish with teeth, it has strongly developed jaws that can even chew through solid steel and rip up boat hulls. It even actively attacks boats and ships in swarms and lets them sink when they're entering its territory, and they rush to attack en masse if they scent the faintest trace of blood, but it turns suddenly timid and cowardly when it's on its own.

Sure thing, Carvanha. Sure thing.

One curious thing about Carvanha is that it seems to be a freshwater fish rather than a saltwater fish, but I honestly shouldn't be so surprised in the first place, because I actually know that piranhas are freshwater fish inabiting rivers throughout South America. It's probably the fact that Carvanha, a piranha Pokémon, evolves into Sharpedo, a shark Pokémon. And sharks are saltwater fish, as dozens of different species can in fact be found in oceans throughout the globe. In Pokémon anything is possible; I mean, we've had a swine turning into a mammoth, a remora fish turning into an octopus, a waterstrider turning into a mosquito of some sort and a gull turning into a pelican (whoever came up with that should be fired by Game Freak immediately)... so why not a piranha turning into a shark, right? At least it sounds pretty badass, doesn't it?

Archie and his Sharpedo, his signature Pokémon.

Well... yeah? I mean, Sharpedo looks kinda rad, but its flat rear - even though I know full well that Sharpedo's general body shape is that of a torpedo - looks kind of weird, as if its nonexistent tail was cut off abruptly. The main thing I like about Sharpedo is that it has an incredibly battered appearance, with notches cut into its dorsal and pelvic fins and a couple of yellow markings that are supposed to represent scars. I'm not surprised it looks like that, as it is a brutal Pokémon that can chew through iron and steel and destroy supertankers, tearing them into pieces. As such, it is known as the "Bully of the Sea" - or "Gangs of the Sea" when multiple Sharpedo have flocked together - and it is highly feared among mariners. But if that's what seamen are truly afraid of, it is time for them to piss their pants, because Sharpedo has a Mega evolution that looks much scarier than its regular form: its jaws look terrifying, it has yellow markings all over its body now, and it has three pairs of retractable sawblades on its snout that are actually transformed fangs. On top of that, it can now exceed 125 miles per hour with explosive propulsion, compared to the 75 to 80 miles regular Sharpedo can reach by jetting seawater out of its backside.

Official art of Mega Sharpedo, created by Ken Sugimori.

But can Sharpedo live up to its reputation in the competitive scene? Absolutely. It's incredibly frail, but it hits hard and it is relatively fast, especially after a boost from its hidden ability Speed Boost. Rough Skin, its regular ability, damages any foe that makes direct contact with Sharpedo, but it only works when you're feeling super confident and want to run it in combination with a Rocky Helmet for Sharpedo to hold. (Fun fact: Sharpedo's Japanese name is Samehader (サメハダー) and is derived from same, meaning 'shark', and hada-are, which means 'rough skin'. Additionally, samehada means 'shark skin' and Sharpedo's Japanese name might be a corruption of that as well.) It is more of a hit-and-run Pokémon, to be honest, and you'd do better to run Speed Boost in order for you to click Protect and get a free... well, speed boost. After that you can Mega-evolve your Sharpedo and perform a (late-game) sweep with moves like Crunch, Waterfall and Psychic Fangs, although it has access to more coverage moves like Ice Fang, Rock Tomb, Earthquake and Poison Jab. Mega Sharpedo standardly has the ability Strong Jaw, which increases the power of biting moves such as Crunch, Ice Fang and Psychic Fangs and allows it to hit even harder than any other Pokémon normally would. Because of the boost from its hidden ability, Sharpedo can run an Adamant nature over a Jolly one for maximum damage output, too.

A realistic take on Sharpedo.

While Sharpedo is not a favorite of mine, I cannot deny that this Pokémon - its Mega in particular - is pretty dope. I wish I could say its water/dark typing is unique, but Crawdaunt is a Pokémon with the exact same typing as Sharpedo that was introduced in the very same generation (I will discuss Corphish and Crawdaunt probably later next month or early April), and I don't think Sharpedo is any more competitively viable than Crawdaunt, either. Just because of plain badassery, Sharpedo gets a 4.5-star rating, just half a star short of a perfect rating. If only its flat rear didn't make me feel this Pokémon is missing something...

Rating: 4.5/5

#309 - #310: Electrike & Manectric

Look at Electrike's face. No doubt this thing has mischief on its
mind. 

The Pokémon I'm going to discuss now are a pair of weird-looking electric-type canines (wolves, perhaps?) of some sort, one of which - Electrike - is a green quadruped with an oblong headcrest. Remarkably many features are lightning-shaped, including the sides of before-mentioned headcrest and its tail. Electrike uses friction from the atmosphere to generate electricity, which it uses to stimulate its leg muscles and run faster than the human eye can follow and which causes its body to discharge showers of sparks in seasons with arid air or in the calm before a storm. Electrike has an evolution, Manectric, whose fur changed from green to blue with yellow manes and is a lot spikier than its pre-evolution's. Its flavor as much as you'd expect from an electric canine with lightning-shaped patches of fur: pretty generic. Manectric is constantly discharging electricity from its manes, sometimes causing forest fires; it builds nests in places where lightning has struck or where there's plenty of static; and it creates thunderclouds over its head in order to drop its lightning bolts. Okay, the last one is pretty cool, but that's as cool as you're gonna get: even Mega Manectric doesn't have its own distinctive flavor, not even something that elaborates on regular Manectric's characteristics. It's a shame, because this very Mega would have been the perfect opportunity to do something crazy with its flavor, especially as a cool-looking Pokémon like Manectric was obviously designed to be a fan favorite.

Mega Manectric vs Zinogre, a creature from the video
game series Monster Hunter. This fan art is SO COOL!

Mega Manectric was only created for no other purpose than to give it more of an edge in the competitive metagame: regular Manectric's special attack and speed stats, both a solid base 105, are both increased by 30 base points upon Mega-evolving and its defenses get a small boost as well. They're still nothing to write home about, but at least Mega Manectric can live a few hits that are not super effective on it; and because it is only weak to ground due to its pure electric typing, you only have to keep an eye out for incoming Earthquakes, which are fairly easy to predict. Too bad its special movepool sucks. A Mega Manectric moveset always consists of Volt Switch, Thunderbolt, Hidden Power (usually either grass or ice type) and either Overheat or Flamethrower, which makes it pretty predictable in return. What's more, above moveset is even regular Manectric's standard moveset, with the only difference that it should hold a Life Orb, Choice Scarf or the Choice Specs rather than its corresponding Mega Stone. Both Manectric even have their nature in common, as a Timid nature would be the smartest to run if you want them to outspeed your opponents - I mean, a Modest regular Manectric can still hold a Choice Scarf to quickly boost its speed, but Mega Manectric can by no means do that. It's a bummer you can't create a less predictable moveset for Mega Manectric, because it has access to quite some physical moves: Wild Charge, Crunch, Fire Fang, Ice Fang, Return and Iron Tail are some of them, and it can even learn Curse to boost its attack and defense by one stage each (at the cost of some speed), while it learns nothing to boost its special attack with. Unfortunately, its base 70 attack stat won't allow Manectric - Mega or otherwise - to make use of above-mentioned physical moves.

Manectric as seen in the anime, about to be discharging its electricity.

Manectric is such a cool-looking Pokémon, but it's a shame Game Freak never did anything special with it other than giving it a Mega evolution. Even the kind of yōkai Manectric is based on - Raijū, an elemental lightning creature that can take on the shape of various mammals, including a blue wolf wrapped in white and yellow lightning - has been the inspiration for electric-type Pokémon in the past. While I definitely don't think Manectric is some kind of rehash of existing electric-type Pokémon, I think Game Freak and Nintendo could have done a little bit better flavor-wise. Manectric's design is top-notch, though, and it's by no means useless in the competitive scene; it's just too bad it's so predictable due to the lack of special moves. However, its rating will turn out to be much better than you'd expect judging on the stuff I've written already.

Rating: 4.5/5

#303: Mawile

A Sableye making itself comfortable in
Mawile's jaw. These two Pokémon are often
seen as counterparts.

Mawile can be seen as a counterpart to Sableye, whom I discussed exactly a week ago. Like Sableye, this Pokémon is quite unique, although it is based on yet another Japanese mythical being, so its basic form doesn't appeal to me as much as Sableye's basic form does, despite the fact that it's actually a steel type (I can't remember if I mentioned it already, but steel is my favorite of the 18 types currently available in the games). Mawile is based on the Japanese myth of the futakuchi-onna, literally 'two-mouthed woman'. This type of yōkai is characterized by her two mouths - a normal one and a second one located on the back of her head; or rather in the back of her head. The origin of this second mouth is pretty terrifying: in many stories, the soon-to-be futakuchi-onna is a wife of a miser and rarely eats. That's why a second mouth mysteriously appears in the back of the woman's head, often mumbling spiteful and threatening things to her and demanding food. If it's not fed, it can screech obscenely and cause the woman tremendous pain. Ultimately, though, the woman's long hair begins to move on its own like a pair of serpents, so that the second mouth can help itself to twice the amount of food the woman usually consumes. In other stories, the mouth forms from an axe wound she sustains accidentally or even because her own husband tries to murder her. The jaw on the back on Mawile's head, however, is just a set of transformed steel horns that Mawile uses to chomp its foes with after it lulls them out of wariness or into complacency with its docile-looking face. In other words, Mawile is a dangerous creature that likes to deceive people and other Pokémon, hence its classification as the 'Deceiver Pokémon'. Everything comes together when you look at the origins of Mawile's English and foreign names, too: a maw is the mouth of a voracious animal - an animal devouring great quantities of food - and a wile is a strategem or trick intended to deceive or ensnare, while its foreign names are all plays on 'jaw', 'mandible', 'lying' and 'cheating' and the like.

Mega Mawile. 

But Mawile's regular form is nothing compared to its Mega evolution, who suddenly has two sets of jaw-like appendages protruding from its head. While the single jaw is strong enough to chew through iron beams on itself, the pair of jaws can be controlled individually by Mega Mawile and boast tremendous power. Looking at Mega Mawile's ability and base attack stat, that should not come as a surprise: a base attack stat of 105 is already nothing to sneeze at, but the ability Huge Power will raise its physical prowess to ridiculous levels. When you have a Pokémon with a base attack stat of 105, perfect IVs, an attack-beneficial nature (Adamant, Lonely, Naughty and Brave) and EV training in said attack stat, its physical proficiency can be as high as 339 - a massive 678 when Huge Power is applied! This effectively makes Mega Mawile the strongest Pokémon in the game. In fact, its attack stat even exceeds the limit of 669 attack (255 base attack, as 255 is the highest possible 8-digit binary number), equalling a Pokémon with a base attack stat of 259. Mega Mawile's base stat total may be only 480 - the lowest among all Mega forms, along with Mega Sableye - but Huge Power made Smogon ban it from any competitive tier lower than Uber, the tier where powerful legendaries like Rayquaza, Lugia, Dialga, Reshiram and Zekrom reside as well. It is that strong.

Mawile standing next to its Poké Ball.

Unfortunately, Mega Mawile is more of a hit-and-run Pokémon. Its defense is great and its special defense is quite good, too, but its mediocre HP can't back up its good defensive stats and its speed is nothing to write home about. You can't do anything about its speed, either, because Mawile can't learn Agility or Autotomize and can't hold any stat-enhancing items such as the Choice Scarf because it needs to hold a Mega Stone to Mega-evolve. Then again, Mega Mawile has access to some excellent STAB moves like Iron Head and Play Rough (as of Gen. VI, Mawile is a fairy type in addition to its primary steel type), as well as some superb type coverage in Crunch, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Brick Break, Sucker Punch, Knock Off, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and the elemental fangs. The latter have a base power of 65 and are quite weak compared to moves that are usually used in the competitive scene, but Mega Mawile is so strong that I think it can pull them off quite well if you are in need of them, especially after a Swords Dance boost (yup, as if Huge Power combined with a base attack of 105 wasn't enough already, Mega Mawile can also sharply boost its attack with Swords Dance). As it's not fast to begin with, it's a given you should slap an Adamant nature on it, making it an absolute powerhouse. It even leaves huge dents in defensive teams, easily knocking out Pokémon in two or three hits that are not very effective on them.

Hey Mega Sableye, don't lose your big-ass gemstone. Its defensive qualities are
what makes you competitively viable in the first place. 

It's Mega Mawile's offensive prowess what makes me like this Pokémon in the first place, although I like its design more than regular Mawile's as well. The pink hakama (a type of Japanese garment) make it more reminiscent of the Japanese lore of the futakuchi-onna and also emphasize its fairy typing. Well, in my opinion, anyway. There are plenty of steel-type Pokémon that end up high on my list of favorite Pokémon - in fact, Aggron and its pre-evolutions are next on my rating list - but Mawile will have to do with 4.5 stars rather than 5, the same as Sableye.

+0.5 for originality and +1 for the awesome Mega.

Rating: 4.5/5

#285 - #286: Shroomish & Breloom

Damn. It's so weird going back to Gen. III when you've spent so much time hanging out with all kinds of brand new Pokémon...

Official art of Shroomish.

Anyway, today's Pokémon are Shroomish and Breloom, who are obviously mushroom Pokémon. Shroomish seems to be a very basic Pokémon at that, being only a mushroom with a face and little feet. That's pretty much all there is to this thing, aside from the fact that it has a very toxic defense mechanism: when it senses danger, it shakes its body to scatter toxic spores from the top of its head, and these spores can make trees and weeds wilt and cause whole body pain in humans if inhaled. The fact that it likes to live in and feed on compost made of rotten leaves doesn't help its cause, either. Fortunately, this disgusting little thing evolves fairly early on in Breloom, a hybrid of a mushroom and a kangaroo, although the shape of its head and tail resemble the body structures of certain armored dinosaurs, specifically ankylosaurs and pachycephalosaurs. Yeah, Breloom is as weird as it sounds. However, we all know that fighting is common in almost all species of kangaroos and that these excellent brawlers wield a fighting style reminiscent to boxing. While Breloom may have short arms and awkward feet, its fighting technique is equal to that of professional boxers (Ruby's Pokédex entry even states this technique puts pro boxers to shame). Its short arms can be stretched by Breloom in order to deliver fast punches, and its light and springy footwork allows it to get close to opponents. Breloom doesn't shy away from a little cheating, however, as it uses the holes in its cap to release spores that can incapitate opponents, allowing it to close in on them.

Breloom taking a stance reminiscent to dinosaurs. I think it's a
pretty cool piece of fan art! 

Which, by the way, is exactly the technique it uses in competitive play: residing in OU, the Smogon tier with Pokémon that are used the most, Breloom has access to a combination of moves and abilities that make it a force to be reckoned with. Shroomish learns Spore by level-up, which is a perfectly accurate move (not counting evasion boosts on the opponent or accuracy drops on Breloom) that puts the opponent to sleep and is exclusive to only mushroom Pokémon, meaning Parasect, Breloom, Amoonguss, Shiinotic and their pre-evolutions. Of course, Smeargle can learn it through Sketch, but let's not go there right now. Because Breloom has access to Bullet Seed, which deals 25 damage a pop for a minimum of two times and a maximum of five times, and the 40-power priority fighting-type move Mach Punch, it should have the Technician ability. This ability boosts moves of 60 base power or less by 50% and is great in combination with the moves I just mentioned. Grass/fighting is an awesome combination only resisted by uncommon types like poison and bug, and with a Swords Dance up Breloom hits like a fucking truck. Technician is better than Effect Spore, which has a 30% chance of paralyzing or poisoning the opponent or putting them to sleep when they make direct contact with Breloom, or even Poison Heal, which heals Breloom a little each turn rather than damaging it when it's poisoned. If you want power over priority, you can use Force Palm over Mach Punch instead (no one does that, though), whereas Swords Dance isn't all that necessary and can be replaced by a coverage move like Rock Tomb, especially when Breloom is holding a Life Orb and has an Adamant nature. This nature is often run over a Jolly one due to Breloom's mediocre base speed of 70, putting emphasis on Breloom's power (base 130 attack!) instead.

"Are you okay, sweetie? You look so angry."

Breloom is an interesting Pokémon, but I feel like it wants to be a zillion different things at the same time, even though it doesn't particularly have a busy design going on. Hybrids are not uncommon in the Pokémon franchise, but when you're trying to stuff at least three things that normally have nothing to do with each other in one design, you gotta watch out a little. Breloom is a solid Pokémon with a solid typing and a solid position in Smogon's competitive scene, but it's not one of my favorites.

Whew! I sure missed 'criticizing' Pokémon like that, goddamn!

Rating: 4.5/5

#280 - #282, #475: Ralts, Kirlia, Gardevoir & Gallade

You probably wonder why the hell I'm wasting my time writing an entry for Ralts and its evolutions instead of playing the fuck out of Pokémon Sun and Moon, but the answer is simple: I am one of those unfortunate souls living in Europe - the Netherlands, to be exact - and I'm impatiently waiting for the games until I hear the clanging sound of my mailbox on the 23rd of November. Might as well write a couple of articles before I'm going on a 'hiatus', I'd dare say.

3D art of Ralts. If it wasn't looking up, you wouldn't be able to see the eyes that are
usually hidden beneath its cap-like head. Or maybe it is a cap, I'm not sure.

So... Ralts. It's a strange Pokémon, because it doesn't seem to be based on anything in particular. If anything, Ralts looks kind of humanoid, resembling a child. Human children often sense when something is amiss, and Game Freak have built its design and flavor from there: Ralts uses the horns on its cap-like head to read people and Pokémon's emotions and hides when it senses hostility. It reflects the mood of the person it reads, meaning that it becomes happy when its Trainer is in a cheerful mood and gets doleful when its Trainer is in a sad mood. A wild Ralts will rarely show itself to people (which is true, as it's the rarest of the early-route Pokémon), but when it does it will only draw closer when it senses the person has a positive disposition. When it evolves into Kirlia, however, the eyes - which Ralts does in fact have but are hidden beneath its 'cap' - become clearly visible now and it looks like it's wearing a... a tutu. And it has the stance ballet dancers are commonly portrayed with.

Well, I've seen Pokémon with stranger features than those.

3D art of Kirlia, in which it seems to be performing some kind of ballet dance.

Anyhow, Kirlia's horns are used to amplify its psychokinetic power and have the ability to let reality become warped. This distortion of reality causes mirages of nonexistent scenery and can cause a rip in dimensions (would Kirlia have anything to do with the Ultra Beasts in Sun and Moon?), which allows Kirlia to see into the future. It enjoys dancing on sunny mornings (well, duh!) and is said to grow beautiful when exposed to a Trainer with positive emotions. Again, cheerfulness lies at the basis of Kirlia's powers: a happy Trainer gives it energy for its psychokinetic abilities. Also interesting is Ralts and Kirlia's namesake. While the French and German names of Ralts, Tarsal and Trasla, are anagrams of the word 'astral' and even the name Ralts has something to do with it, Kirlia's name is derived from Kirlian photography. Bulbapedia describes it as "a special way of taking pictures that supposedly reveals psychic energy auras around subjects," but it is much more scientific than that: it is a collective term for photographic techniques used to capture the phenomenon of coronal discharges, electrical discharges brought on by the ionization of a fluid surrounding a conductor that is electrically charged. The techniques are named after Semyon Kirlian, a Russian inventor and researcher of Armenian descent, hence Kirlia's name.

Incredible papercraft figures of Ralts (little one in the front),
Kirlia (left), Gardevoir (right) and Gallade (middle).

Kirlia has two ways of evolving: it evolves into Gardevoir starting at level 30 or, if male, you can expose it to a Dawn Stone and let it turn into a Gallade. Gallade was inroduced one generation later than Ralts, Kirlia and Gardevoir as an alternative evolution of Kirlia, and it is believed to be created as a counterpart to Gardevoir: the latter is a special attacker who looks like a damsel in distress, while Gallade is a physical attacker and resembles a gallant knight. Or so goes a popular fan theory, but the truth is that Gardevoir can also be male. Its Japanese name is even Sirnight
(サーナイト), which may be derived from the phrase Saa, naito! ("Come, knight!") or just simply means Sir Knight. Or both. The English name of Gardevoir is based on the French words of garde and devoir - 'guard' and 'duty', respectively - or may be a combination of garder and voir, French verbs for 'to keep' and 'to see'. This is reflected in its Pokédex data, which explain how Gardevoir will protect its Trainer even at the cost of its own life (wow, that's some heavy shit!) and that it has the ability to see into the future, distorting the dimensions to such an extent it creates small black holes. The former explanation may also suggest that Gardevoir is based on a guardian angel, although it looks more like a principal dancer, very much like Kirlia resembles a ballet dancer.

Gardevoir laying in the grass, resting a bouquet of flowers on its chest.

However, Gardevoir is especially notorious for its role in the Internet meme called Rule 34, which is a generally accepted Internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable object. Or, simply put: if something exists, there is pornographic content of it. Gardevoir isn't the first Pokémon to be made into hentai images (a catch-all term to describe a genre of anime and manga pornography) and it definitely won't be the last, but I can safely say it is the most prominent. Just Googling Gardevoir results into a certain 50/50 mix of normal and pornographic or suggestive images of Gardevoir, and I have to say it's disturbing. Who in their right mind would go and think, "Today I am going to create a pornographic image of a Pokémon, making the suggestion that it's sexy." A Pokémon! Ugh. I'm mentioning this aspect of Gardevoir because it is so painfully visible, otherwise I wouldn't even have mentioned it at all. It goes without saying that I won't post any hentai images of Gardevoir on this blog, nor will I recommend Googling them. And should you decide to do that anyway, enter Google at your own risk; I won't be held accountable.

Fan art of Mega Gardevoir.

It's a relief that Gardevoir is still being seen as a more-than-decent Pokémon to use, in-game as well as competitively. Its HP, attack and defense are mediocre, but its special attack and special defense are both sky-high, while its base 80 speed stat is decent. Its typing - psychic/fairy as of Gen. VI, gaining the fairy typing on top of its already existing psychic typing in X and Y - is especially helpful, as Moonblast helps against dragon types and Psychic makes short work of poison-type Pokémon that threaten its very existence. There are numerous ways to make use of Gardevoir, but it should stay a special attacker at all times. A Choice Specs set is mentioned on Smogon, but there is also a Life Orb set supported by Calm Mind and a Choice Scarf set to let Gardevoir outspeed some Pokémon in the competitive metagame. At least Gardevoir doesn't have to worry about coverage, because it has access to some pretty neat moves of many different typings, among which are Thunderbolt, Energy Ball, Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Signal Beam and even Icy Wind. Phew. And that's not all, because Gardevoir got a Mega in X and Y. The horns protruding from its chest are know larger and are said to be a physical manifestation of its heart, making it able to let loose tremendous psychic power now that its heart is open. And that is clearly perceptible, because Mega Gardevoir leaves a dent in any opposing team with its base 165 special attack. Moreover, it has access to the Pixilate ability, which lets it turn normal-type moves into fairy-type moves. They also get a boost, making Hyper Voice more competitively viable than Moonblast, especially because Hyper Voice infiltrates substitutes. Before Mega-evolving, though, Trace is the preferred ability, as it copies the opposing Pokémon's ability and might turn it against them.

Shiny Mega Gardevoir. The flower on top of its head is not part of its design, but it's
a nice touch to the whole 'mourning' aspect of its design. 

Also, did you notice that regular Mega Gardevoir looks like it's wearing a wedding gown and shiny Mega Gardevoir seems to be wearing a mourning dress? That is such a nice touch, and I think shiny Mega Gardevoir is one of the most beautiful shinies out there. It's really pretty. Gardevoir is very loveable as a whole, by the way; I love everything about it, including its simple but beautiful design, its characteristics, its competitive utility and its Mega evolution - shiny Mega Gardevoir in particular.

And then we have Gallade, who isn't quite as beautiful and elegant as Gardevoir. Regular Gallade has the same stat distribution as Gardevoir, with only their attack and special attack stats swapped, so it's a very decent physical alternative to Gardevoir, but I'm just not that big a fan of its design. Its horizontally oval thighs are a bit off-putting, its slender body shape just doesn't do it for me as much as Gardevoir's, its blade-like arms don't look overly efficient and its legs are just weird. Gallade significantly earns points when it Mega-evolves, gaining a cape that fits it knightly aesthetics and blades that look more efficient than those of its regular form, as well as a head that resembles a gladiator's helmet. The weird legs and oval shape of its hips stay but are less accentuated because of the overall more busy 'knight in shining armor' design, which is a plus. Mega Gallade has a very nice design overall, but it doesn't even come close to Gardevoir's graceful looks.

I wanted to show you Gallade's weird oval hips and what better
way to do that than include its official artwork here? 

Like Gardevoir, however, Gallade fiercely fights to protect its Trainer. When doing that, it shows that it's a master of courtesy and swordsmanship and a master in predicting its foe's moves. The blade-like arms can be extended and therefore show resemblances to tonfa, melee weapons best known for their role in the armed component of Okinawan martial arts. Mega Gallade has arms that look like actual blades, however, and these are used simultaneously in a dual-wielding style by calling on its psychic powers. Predicting the foe's moves is still up to the player, though, because there's no denying it: Gallade is as frail as Gardevoir. Its Mega is kind of bulky, with 115 special defense and 95 defense, but the HP stat is never boosted upon Mega-evolving and Gallade's HP is honestly a bit subpar. Thankfully, its base 80 speed becomes 110 when it Mega-evolves and it can dish out damage hard and relatively fast. While Gardevoir usually needs a Timid nature, which ups speed and lowers attack, that is actually a bad nature for Gallade: Jolly or Adamant (both lower special attack, but the former provides an increase in speed and the latter an increase in attack) are usually the natures to go with, as well as a physical moveset, obviously. Aside from STAB moves like Psycho Cut, Zen Headbutt, Close Combat, Drain Punch and Brick Break, it also has a crazy diverse movepool: Leaf Blade, Night Slash, Earthquake, Aerial Ace, Knock Off (very handy to knock off the opposing Pokémon's item, doing double the damage), Stone Edge, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Poison Jab, Power-Up Punch, Shadow Sneak, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and even Dual Chop are all very viable choices on a competitive Gallade's moveset. To top it all off, Gallade learns Swords Dance, which it can use to double its attack stat and perform a late-game sweep.

Wally and his Mega Gallade. 

Don't want to use Mega Gallade? That's fine, because you can use a Choice Scarf or Choice Band set on a regular Gallade, although the latter provides an attack boost rather than a speed boost and both sets lock it into using only one move until it's switched out. A Life Orb would therefore be better, especially because it allows Gallade to use Swords Dance, but Smogon also mentions a Bulk Up set. Bulk Up raises Gallade's attack and defense by one stage each, but its defense is already quite low, so it's not worth the hassle. If you can manage to pull it off, that's fine, but it's not the best way to use Gallade.

At the end of the day, Gardevoir and Gallade give the illusion that they're perfect counterparts, but that is really not the case here. Gardevoir has a 50/50 gender ratio, while Gallade is 100% male, so they're not the damsel in distress and Prince Charming everybody likes them to be. It has to be said that Gallade is a very good physical-based option if you don't need a special attacker, and its Mega is actually really cool; I like how it fits its flavor perfectly. I love everything about Gardevoir, however, while I'm not a big fan of regular Gallade's design. I'm gonna have to rate them separately: Gardevoir gets an easy 5, while Gallade will have to do with 4.5 stars. And that's mainly because of its Mega!

Rating Gardevoir: 5/5

Rating Gallade: 4.5/5