#387 - #389: Turtwig, Grotle & Torterra

Turtwig in a flowerpot. Isn't it adorable?

It's about time I started off with the Sinnoh starters, and Turtwig is the first one. While its name suggests it resembles a turtle - most likely the snapping turtle in appearance - it is probably based off of a tortoise more than anything, as will become evident by the type combination of its final evolution Torterra. You see, turtles spend most of their lives in the sea and tortoises tend to dwell on land, which is - just as a side note - why Blastoise's name isn't technically correct. Despite Turtwig's animal appearance it's actually some kind of vegetative Pokémon, carrying a shell on its back that hardens when it drinks water and a twig on its head that wilts if it becomes thirsty. It undertakes photosynthesis with its body, absorbing sunlight and making oxygen. In short, Turtwig's flavor text couldn't have been more generic, and it hardly becomes any better when it evolves into Grotle. Like most middle stages of starter Pokémon, Grotle looks a little awkward; with its hardened soil shell running over the entire length of its body, extending from its forehead to the tip of its short tail, it looks like it's majorly uncomfortable. It has two bushes growing on its shell, which are occasionally seen producing acorn-like nuts or berries that are greedily devoured by other Pokémon, and it has the ability to sense where pure water wells up and willingly carries other Pokémon on its back to these sources. Aside from the fact that it may be based on the minogame, a turtle in Japanese mythology that is said to live up to 10,000 years and is therefore seen as a symbol of longevity and felicity, I have to be honest and say that its origins aren't very inspiring. Sure, the minogame is often depicted with a train of seaweed/algae growing on its back and as a tail, but the reference is vague at best.

Great Torterra fan art that fully utilizes its shell's
ecosystem aspect.

Luckily, everything becomes a whole lot better when the grass-typed Grotle evolves into the grass/ground type Torterra. This Pokémon is a perfect example of commensalism, a class of relationship between two organisms where one organism benefits from the other without affecting it: Torterra's shell supports the lives of many small Pokémon that build their nests upon it and some are born and spend their entire life there. Aesthetically, Torterra seems to carry a giant tree and three triangular, stony protrusions resembling mountain peaks on top of its shell. Being known and classified as the 'Continent Pokémon', it really does look like it's carrying an entire continent on its back - or at least an entire ecosystem - and that is why it is probably based on the concept of the World Turtles in various mythologies carrying worlds upon their backs. The most prominent one is a popular rendition of a Hindu myth, in which the tortoise Akūpāra (Sanskrit: अकूपार) - or sometimes called Chukwa - supports the elephant Maha-pudma, which in turn supports the world. The first thing that came to mind when I was reading that was the humorous Discworld series by British author Terry Pratchett, in which a giant turtle called Great A'Tuin travels through the Discworld universe's space carrying four giant elephants on its back. The elephants in turn carry the flat, disc-like world of roughly 10,000 miles wide that earned the entire fantasy book series its name, which I'm sure was just an attempt to ridicule all those flat-earthers. In fact, a lot of myths, jokes and hoaxes such as drop bears, treacle mines, tooth fairies and suicidal lemmings seem to be the focus of the majority of the 41 (!) existing Discworld novels.

It doesn't work in Grotle's favor that the best image I could find from it is a still
from the anime series. I couldn't find any interesting or appropriate fan art at all. 

But while this whole World Turtle myth is a cool concept to base a Pokémon on and Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is fun to talk about, there are aspects of other things to be found in Torterra's design. Its stance is reminiscent of a certain armored dinosaur called the ankylosaur, just without the hammer-like tail tip; and while we're talking extinct animals anyway, it'd probably be safe to say Torterra may be inspired by the spiky-looking proganochelys quenstedti and meiolania turtles due to its large features and... well, spikes. Lastly, Torterra's name is most likely a combination of tortoise and terra (Latin for 'ground'), although it may also be a corruption of tōtara, a kind of tree endemic to New Zealand that bears a lot of similarities with the tree on Torterra's back.

Yo, this Torterra fan art is SO COOL!

Stat-wise, I can't say Torterra is the greatest fully evolved starter in the competitive scene. Sitting in one of the lowest Smogon tiers, its low speed and quadruple weakness to ice-type attacks makes it susceptible to being OHKOed quickly, but it gets a wonderful STAB Earthquake for that in return. Its solid all-around bulk and more-than-decent attack stat allow it to take a couple of hits and then strike back with powerful physical moves such as Earthquake, Wood Hammer, Seed Bomb, Crunch, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Superpower, Iron Head, Iron Tail and Outrage. And although you need to find the right time to set it up, it learns Stealth Rock for a bit of chip damage every time your opponents switches one Pokémon out for another. If you go the tank route, Stealth Rock and Synthesis are basically unmissable, as are the Leftovers; an offensive route mostly requires setting up with Curse, Swords Dance or Rock Polish, mostly in conjunction with a stat- or move-boosting held item such as a Life Orb or the Soft Sand. Or you could just slap a Choice Band and four offensive moves on Torterra and go all out, which works just as well. Make sure Torterra has an Adamant nature at all times to maximize the damage output, although a Careful or an Impish nature works just fine on a tanky Torterra.

Holy fucking cow, this is awesome!

Look at this!

And this!

While many depictions of Torterra somehow look savage or otherworldly, this
image is so... serene.

Torterra honestly has one of the most creative designs I have ever seen in Pokémon, and I am tempted to love it only because of that. But - and I have to say that it's a bit unfair towards the other Pokémon in the franchise - fan art plays a big part in my love for Torterra now. I never knew there were so many talented artists throwing their work on the Internet, but I'm glad they did. Torterra fan art is some of the best I've seen so far, and for the first time since Mew, I'm putting a couple of drawings directly underneath each other.

Well, it was GIFs in Mew's case, but y'know... details.

Not unimportantly, Torterra is the first and only grass/ground dual-type Pokémon, making it the only starter with STAB Earthquake aside from Swampert. And with Earthquake being one of the most popular moves in the entire game - not just in the competitive metagame, mind you - you shouldn't be surprised that I feel Turtwig has become the most popular Sinnoh starter. Grass may be kind of weak, both defensively and offensively, but Torterra's ground typing more than makes up for that in the end.

Gen. IV is a short generation, but we're starting off with a bang!

Rating: 5/5

#384: Rayquaza

I have no idea whether this piece of art is actually official, but
Rayquaza sure as hell looks savage here.

Oh man, I don't even know where to start with this one. There is a whole lot to be said about Rayquaza and the majority of that is dedicated to how fucking awesome this goddamn thing actually is. I mean, if you manage to break up Groudon and Kyogre's apocalyptic confrontation just by showing up and roar a little, as was demonstrated in Pokémon Emerald, you deserve respect. It was literally all Rayquaza had to do, meaning Groudon and Kyogre are probably scared shitless of this guy. And let's be honest here: Rayquaza looks like a wise old dragon with a certain degree of authority over its minions, while managing to maintain a look that says it will show you no mercy. Its Mega is even worse, mind you - or better, in this case, as all of the additional horns, orbs and glowing tendrils actually give it more grace, beauty and an air of importance, power and might. That's a difficult feat to pull off when too many additional doodads on stronger forms of certain Pokémon such as fusions and Mega evolutions are sometimes regarded as redundant or occasionally make them look overdesigned. White and Black Kyurem are good examples of that, but Zoptimus Prygarde probably takes the cake. I love the Transformers movies, and I have fond memories of the times when I still enjoyed Power Rangers, but creating a Pokémon that looks like an Autobot or a Megazord is really pushing it a bit, Game Freak. And remember when I talked about Mega Venusaur's butt flower way back when? Yeah, I already regret bringing that up again...

Fortunately, no such fate has befallen Rayquaza, and it so happens this thing is the one I'm actually talking about, so it's no use to keep lingering in such negativity.

I used a GIF of Kyogre from the same artist over a week ago, just because I think
this guy's style is just so freaking awesome! 

Rayquaza's origins lie in the Hebrew legend of Ziz, the unconquerable primal master of the sky, as opposed to Leviathan being the primal master of the sea and Behemoth being the primal master of the land. While Rayquaza has significant dominance over Kyogre and Groudon and is able to break them up when they're fighting, Ziz seems to be an equal of Leviathan and Behemoth rather than their 'master', meaning Game Freak and Nintendo have shown some imagination in favor of Emerald's storyline. In fact, Rayquaza's signature ability Air Lock eliminates the effect of weather conditions, and back in the day that rendered Kyogre's ability Drizzle and Groudon's ability Drought completely useless. But Ziz is also often depicted as a giant griffin-like bird, which Rayquaza definitely has nothing to do with, and this means it is most probably inspired by other mythical creatures aside from just Ziz. Looking at its dragon typing, it may well be based on the lindwyrm, in British heraldry a two-limbed and wingless dragon with a serpentine body. The word is actually a cognate, deriving from the Norwegian linnorm, the German Lindwurm and the Swedish lindorm (all meaning 'dragon'), as well as the Danish lindorm ('serpent'). It's a little confusing, because in Norwegian heraldry the lindorm also exist, but rather than a serpent or a dragon in general it's actually the same as a wyvern is in British heraldry.

Mega Rayquaza hanging around in what is apparently the
stratosphere.

Not that any of this can be found in Rayquaza's name. It is probably a reference to raqiya, the Hebrew word for 'firmament', which in biblical cosmology is the structure above the atmosphere, conceived as a vast solid dome. Speaking of which, Rayquaza's Japanese name is the same as in most other languages and the word combination of retsu ('violent' or 'furious'), kū ('sky') and za ('seat' or 'location') can be taken to mean "one that sits in the ferocious heavens". Being a dragon/flying type, it makes sense; however, it's most likely a reference to Rayquaza being able to live in the ozone layer for hundreds of millions of years, where it feeds on water and meteoroids. This is actively demonstrated in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire's Delta Episode, a post-game episode in which it's your objective to prevent a meteorite from colliding with Earth. In order to do so, a character called Zinnia (who's a bitch, by the way) summons Rayquaza and tries to pursuade it to Mega-evolve using an organ inside its body filled with energy from the meteoroids it eats as it flies through the stratosphere. Hence why Zinnia stole all of the Key Stones she could find. The energy stored within this organ is practically nonexistent at that point, however, which is why it devours the Meteorite the player character had obtained and safely stored in its bag after their encounter with Team Magma/Team Aqua at Mt. Chimney earlier in the game. A battle with Rayquaza ensues, and you have to catch it in order to make a trip to space on Mega Rayquaza's back and destroy the meteorite threatening Earth.

And hidden within that meteorite is... well, I'll talk about that when I get to the last Pokémon in the Hoenn Pokédex.

Don't fuck with Mega Rayquaza, because it'll screw you over big time.

Alternatively, Rayquaza's name could be a combination of 'ray' (a term in geometry of which I don't understand the definition at all) and 'quasar'. The latter is an abbreviation of 'quasi-stellar object', an active galactic nucleus - called that way because it occurs in the center of a galaxy - consisting of a supermassive black hole surrounded by an orbiting disk of gas. Quasars have a very high luminosity - the total amount of energy emitted by stars, galaxies or other astronomical objects per unit time - and because they were first identified as sources of radio-wave emission and resembled point-like stars in photographic images at visible wavelengths, the term 'quasar' originated as a contraction of 'quasi-stellar radio source'. It's not as if any of this doesn't make a lick of sense, and Rayquaza is very powerful in its own merits, but I doubt it can be considered the center of a galaxy or something like that. Space always kind of intrigued me as a child, so it's still cool to learn about all this stuff.

A shiny Rayquaza in Pokémon the Movie: Hoopa and the Clash of Ages.

Again, like I did with Kyogre and Groudon, I will omit Rayquaza's competitive capabilities from this article - that is to say, you won't see any suggestions for possible movesets here. I mean, you can just slap any move on it and wreak havoc, especially in Mega Rayquaza's case: because it doesn't require a Mega Stone for you to Mega-evolve Rayquaza, Mega Rayquaza can hold something else, like a Choice Band or a Life Orb or any other item that either increases its attacking stats or strengthens its moves. Therefore, it was even banned from Smogon's Uber tier, being the only Pokémon to date to have been banned from being used in a competitive setting within Smogon and Pokémon Showdown at all. That's how strong it really is, especially when you consider its ability Delta Stream eliminates all weaknesses it would otherwise have had as a flying-type (because it's a dragon type, it is still normally weak to ice, but this makes electric-type moves not very effective now) and prevents all kinds of weather from taking effect apart from the Desolate Land and Primordial Sea abilities.

I already thought Rayquaza was a very cool Pokémon, but I've really taken a liking to it when its Mega evolution was revealed. It's one of the most most well-designed Megas out there; so beautiful, so elegant, so powerful. And damn, its shiny. Black shiny Pokémon are almost always some of the best shinies out there, and Rayquaza is absolutely no exception. Everything summarized, Rayquaza's design, flavor and origins are just so awesome I'm giving it a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#382: Kyogre

Kyogre whipping up a storm. Because it can, goddammit.

When Ruby and Sapphire were released in the Netherlands, my decision on which game I was gonna get was totally based on the box legendary. You've probably guessed it already, but Kyogre appealed to me more than Groudon did and so I first played Sapphire. (It was but a few years later that I started to get both games, e.g. Diamond and Pearl, Black and White, etc.) In all honesty, I thought both box legendaries looked a little stiff, but Kyogre had an air of beauty and grace to it in my opinion, and nowadays it is still my favorite Hoenn legendary along with Rayquaza. This is partly due to its recent Primal form, which looks both transparent and luminescent and definitely radiates beauty, grace, energy, power and might. And Jesus fucking Christ, mighty it is indeed. Kyogre has control over rain and the element of water in general, and it is said to have expanded the seas and quenched areas of the world plagued with drought by bringing about torrential downpours - which manifests itself in-game in its former signature ability Drizzle and its Primal form's ability Primordial Sea. While normally a calm and peaceful being, Kyogre will engage in a cataclysmic battle against its counterpart Groudon whenever they meet each other, which has definitely ocurred more than once in ancient times, at least according to Zinnia (who is one of my least favorite characters in the entire franchise, by the way; I really can't stand that chick) in the Delta Episode of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

Primal Kyogre being totally badass. 

Both Kyogre and Groudon received more powerful Primal forms reminiscent of Mega evolutions in those games, with the only difference being the Blue Orb and Red Orb automatically activating once the player character sends out Kyogre or Groudon, respectively - providing they are actually holding the item, that is. In short, you can't choose whether you want them to undergo Primal Reversion if you let them hold such an orb; you'll just have to make sure you're giving them another item to hold instead if you don't want them to take on their crazy powerful state. I don't know why you wouldn't want to, because Game Freak actually managed to make an alternate form of a legendary not terribly overdesigned for once. I mean... sure, they made these Primal forms way too overpowered, but that's basically what they embody. They're legends, after all. As a matter of fact, Primal Kyogre - who is roughly twice the size of regular Kyogre - is said to have widened the seas by a large margin simply by taking a swim. Dude, if you can widen the seas just by taking a fucking swim, you should be rightfully feared by every living being on Earth.

This GIF of a more realistic approach to Kyogre is nothing short of phenomenal!

Kyogre is most probably based on the Hebrew legend of Leviathan, the unconquerable primal master of the sea. It was said that at the end of time Leviathan and its counterpart Behemoth, the unconquerable primal master of the land, would start a battle that'd kill them both. Obviously, this is reminiscent of Kyogre's conflict with Groudon, which was also tackled by the anime series at some point as a climax to the Team Magma/Team Aqua story arc. While Leviathan is usually depicted as some sort of giant marine snake creature, the Hebrew word for it is commonly used to refer to whales nowadays, hence why Kyogre's appearance draws inspiration from killer whales - or orcas, as they're commonly called - more than sea serpents. While orcas are often described as a whale species, they are more closely related to dolphins, so people who have been whining about wanting a dolphin Pokémon in the franchise so badly for ages technically already got one in 2002 (okay, 2003 for Western countries). Well, to some extent, anyway.

Kyogre is said to have been asleep in a marine trench. I think it has awoken now. 

I'm not even going to address Kyogre's battling capabilities; it stands to reason that it'll deal devastating damage when you slap any good specially offensive move on it, even as its regular form. While I was never a big fan of Kyogre, its Primal form has awakened a love for it in me. It has just the right aspects of being a monster, but it does so with style, which is one of the reasons why I think it's superior to Groudon. Sure, water beats ground, but Groudon has access to the amazing combination of Drought and Solar Beam, so it has nothing to complain about. Kyogre will be the second-to-last Hoenn Pokémon that gets a perfect rating of 5 stars from me, the last being... well, you probably already know. And if you don't, you'd better read this article again very thoroughly.

Rating: 5/5

#377: Regirock

Regirock's official art. 

Just as we had gotten used to the three oversized elemental birds from Kanto and the three mammalian beasts roaming around Johto, Game Freak decided to drop the success formula altogether in Gen. III and saddled us with a trio of robotic golems. This is what people were talking about when they said a lot of the Hoenn Pokémon didn't feel like Pokémon to them at all. A lot of people could still take them or leave them depending on their usefulness nowadays, while Articuno, Suicune, Entei, etc. quickly grew to be fan favorites based on their designs. Regirock, Regice and Registeel are still pretty much interchangeable, mainly because their blocky and inorganic designs just make them feel like the same Pokémon to many people. It's a miracle to me that so many people found out how to obtain them in the first place, as they're a bitch to catch in Ruby, Sapphire and ORAS due to the many requirements you'll have to fulfill. First off, make sure you have Wailord in the first spot and Relicanth in the last spot of your party (good luck with that, by the way, because both are pretty rare in the first place). Then, use Dive in the one diving spot on Route 134, which you can only reach by going through the maze of sea currents on the routes before that. Make one mistake and you can fly back to Pacifidlog Town to start all over again. Once you've gained access to the Sealed Chamber, you'll have to follow a couple of instructions involving certain moves - here, I believe it's Dig you're required to use in a certain spot. If it works, an earthquake occurs and a text box telling you it sounds like doors opening far away appears, which means you've activated all of the chambers the Regi thingsies hide in. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that they are now easily accessible; for Regirock you'll have to use Rock Smash in a certain spot of the chamber found in the desert on Route 111, for Regice you'll be required to walk counter-clockwise around the edges of the entire chamber found on Route 105, and for Registeel you'll have to use Flash in the direct center of the chamber found on Route 120.

Ain't nobody got time for all of that.

This kind of 3D art makes a Pokémon like Regirock surprisingly realistic. 

While 12-year-old me was also disappointed with this legendary trio, I find them much more interesting now that I am 27. Of the three, Regirock is by far my favorite. It may have the most chunky design of the three Regis, but at the same time it has the most natural look to it due to its imperfectly craggy body. Regirock achieves its craggy look by repairing itself with new rocks after it gets damaged in battle, causing it to be composed of different unearthed minerals from all over the goddamn world. And while it clearly has the conscience to seek out suitable rocks for it to patch itself up, there are no signs of it possessing a brain or heart, which is a mystery even to modern-day scientists.

This aspect of Regirock suggests it is based off of the golems of Jewish folklore, which casts them as servants of higher powers with writings on their heads, very much like the braille script found on Regirock and its cohorts. According to some Hebrew legends, removing the writings would weaken, deactivate or destroy these golems. For example, there is the tale of the Golem of Chełm, which was said to have been in the possession of a Polish rabbi called Eliyahu Ba'al Shem. He created the creature himself, inscribing the word emet (אמת, Hebrew for 'truth') in its forehead and making it carry out difficult tasks for him. When he realized the golem was growing larger and larger, he feared that it would destroy the entire universe and removed the aleph (א, the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet) from its forehead. The inscription would suddenly say met (מת, meaning 'death') instead and before the golem disintegrated and turned to dust, it left severe scratches on its master's face.

Some more amazing 3D art, goddammit.

There's an interesting lore behind Regirock, and because the golems we've come to be familiar with are usually made of clay or any other earthy matter, Regirock comes closest to being an actual golem. It's one of the reasons why this Pokémon is my favorite of the legendary titans, although its competitive use definitely plays a big role in that as well. I kinda have a thing for high defense stats, and that probably has something to so with my affection for steel types - which would also explain why I love Pokémon like Regirock and Gigalith so much. Regirock is sporting one of the highest defense stats in the game, though, and in that regard it is defeated only by Shuckle, Mega Steelix and Mega Aggron and equalled by regular Steelix. That's a lot to work with, especially when you consider its HP stat is a very decent base 80, backing up that defense stat quite nicely. Because Regirock is naturally bulky - for some reason, it also possesses some moderate special defense - you could run an all-out offensive set supported by an Adamant nature and something like a Life Orb or a Choice Band. It benefits from having a wide physical movepool, with moves like Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Earthquake, Hammer Arm, Superpower, Drain Punch, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch and Iron Head. If a base 100 attack stat is a little less to work with for you, you could also run an offensive-supportive moveset consisting of Thunder Wave, Stealth Rock, Earthquake and Stone Edge, backed up by an Impish nature to make maximum use of Regirock's physical bulk and the Leftovers to ensure its endurance in battle. If speed is your problem, Regirock can set up with Rock Polish, effectively doubling its speed when it is used the first time. As far as abilities go, Clear Body is by far the superior one, as it prevents any stat reductions coming from opponents. Sturdy might come in handy on the off chance Regirock is in the proximity of being OHKOed, but it is not recommended.

Well, Rocky... you look kind of awkward just standing there, blankly staring at
nothing. Are you okay?

It probably won't come as a suprise that this will be the longest article about a single legendary titan, mainly because I've spilled everything about their origins already. I most likely would have waited with that had Regirock come last rather than first, but what's done is done and I can't reverse it now, right? (Disclaimer: Well, I probably could have done that when I was still in the process of writing, but you didn't really think I would have thrown all of that hard work away, now did you?) We're nearly at the end of Gen. III and Regirock's rating is by far not the last perfect rating I'm giving this generation. Not just yet.

Rating: 5/5

#374 - #376: Beldum, Metang & Metagross

Beldum emerging from its Heavy Ball, a ball used
for catching heavier Pokémon.

Okay, now we're talking pseudo-legendaries. Metagross is actually one of only two I absolutely adore (the other one being Hydreigon), which should not be surprising to you in the least, because Metagross is a badass-looking steel-type Pokémon and y'all probably know by now that steel is my favorite of all 18 types.

Like all other pseudos, however, Matagross has to go through its infant stage, and that's exactly the right way to describe Beldum. You'll have to baby it in order for it to evolve, because literally the only move it learns by level-up is Take Down, which isn't even a STAB move and does recoil damage in return. That's not to say there isn't anything noteworthy to say about Beldum; on the contrary, really, bacause its flavor is far more interesting than its generational pseudo-legendary counterpart Bagon. Despite being a mechanical creature, this little dumbbell Pokémon - although its appearance is more reminiscent of some kind of surveillance camera, which is only strengthened by its trait of using the claws on its rear end to anchor itself to walls or ceilings in order to get some rest - still has emotions, the need to eat and sleep, and a way of reproducing. Its body lacks blood, however, and it is instead powered by magnetism: by emitting magnetic waves to repel the Earth's magnetic field, it is able to levitate (it doesn't have access to the ability with the same name, though), and it uses magnetism to move, communicate, hunt and control its attacks. Well, the only attack that it has, that is, unless you have an event shiny Beldum with moves like Iron Head and Zen Headbutt.

Metang's arms are rotated backwards when traveling, so that it
can reach speeds of over 60 miles per hour. 

Fortunately, you won't have to put up with Beldum for too long, as it evolves into Metang at level 20, the earliest of any pseudo-legendary basic stage. Metang is said to form when two Beldum merge, but there is no visible evidence of that - much like with Magneton. In any case, the brains of the fused Beldum are joined by a magnetic nervous system, allowing Metang to generate strong psychokinetic power and enhance its intelligence. Furthermore, its steel body is so strong that even a collision with a jet - as it's still able to hover in mid-air using magnetism - won't leave a scratch on it. But however clever Metang may be, this thing ain't got nothing on its evolution Metagross: whereas Metang is the result of two Beldum fusing together, Metagross is the result of two Metang fusing together, leaving Metagross with a total of four brains. These brains are all connected by a complex network of neurons, which makes Metagross capable of breezing through difficult calculations that it uses to analyze its opponents during battles. In short, Metagross is more intelligent than a supercomputer. How awesome is that?

Steven Stone is a collector of rare minerals and gemstones, so I
like the more 'natural' approach of Metagross here. 

Why, 12-year-old me definitely didn't think much of it. In fact, for the longest time I thought most of the Hoenn Pokémon were the worst, just because the creators had deviated from the 'basic' designs we'd come to know and love so much - at least in my opinion. Game Freak went way overboard with the designs for the Hoenn Pokémon, partly due to Gen. III being the first generation in which everybody at the company was able to submit their own ideas for new Pokémon, if I remember correctly. A lot of players took a dislike to these outlandish new Pokémon designs, and I wasn't an exception. I just dashed through the game with my starter and Kyogre, and that was it. That's what I did when starting a new adventure, anyway; it wasn't until Diamond and Pearl that I started creating balanced teams of six Pokémon. Hence, I never paid much attention to Metagross and its pre-evolutions. They looked too robotic and inorganic to my taste, so Metagross actually only came to my attention when I caught a Metang in my Black 2 playthrough. I evolved it, of course, and it literally fucked people up. Since then, I have come to appreciate Metagross a whole lot more, battle-wise as well as design-wise, and now it is actually very high up on my list of favorite Pokémon. And rightfully so, because who wouldn't want a hyperintelligent mechanical arachnid to command around, right? It's better to get this thing on your side in the first place, because you wouldn't want to be hunted down by this thing: it uses its extremely heavy body (at 1,212 pounds, Metagross is heavier than your average Snorlax, yo) to pin down its prey and then eats the helpless victim using the large mouth on its stomach. Being eaten alive by a supercomputer... that's one of the most inglorious ways to go down, if you ask me.

Badass Metagross is badass.

Guess who my favorite Pokémon League
character is?

The best thing about it is that this thing has a Mega evolution, despite its bullshit Pokédex entry from Sun stating that this Mega form 'results from one Metagross, one Metang and two Beldum linking up'. Yeah, right. At least Metagross gets even more badass by tucking away its legs to the back and creating a set of four giant arms with which it can fuck opponents up, so that's a plus. And with an attack stat of 145, the Tough Claws ability, a great psysical movepool, great defenses and a great defensive typing, Mega Metagross is indeed hard to take down. And because you won't retain the speed stat of the regular form in the turn you Mega-evolve your Pokémon anymore, like in Gen. VI, Mega Metagross has become dangerous to such an extent that it was immediately banned to Smogon's Uber tier. With no quadruple weaknesses and only its base 80 HP not exceeding 100 base points (it has base 145 attack, 150 defense, 105 special attack, 110 special defense and 110 speed), Mega Metagross matches a lot of legendary Pokémon in bulk and power. It suffers from the notorious four-moveslot syndrome, which means you won't be able to choose only four moves it can carry; its movepool is just that good. Meteor Mash and Zen Headbutt are excellent STAB moves, while Earthquake, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Hammer Arm, Rock Slide, Bullet Punch and Pursuit are all great options to consider filling the final two slots with. The only downside is that Metagross, and by extension Mega Metagross, doesn't have access to any good stat-boosting moves like Swords Dance or Dragon Dance or something (they're just examples), aside from maybe Power-Up Punch, which is a relatively weak non-STAB move and only boosts its attack by one stage each time it's used. Not worth it. You'll have to rely on Meteor Mash and pray the 20% chance of getting an attack boost comes through. And although its base 145 attack stat assures heavy damage output, it doesn't really help you'll need a Jolly nature in order to maximize Mega Metagross's speed stat and outspeed some of the legendary Pokémon in the tier.

Awesome Metagross is awesome.

In that regard, regular Metagross is better. Sure, its base 70 speed doesn't make it a fast Pokémon, but you can set up with Agility to make up for that if need be. And because it isn't very speedy in the first place, you can breed an Adamant nature onto it and let it hold a Life Orb or Choice Band, maximizing the damage output. You'll absolutely wreck house. And to hell with Intimidate users, because Clear Body prevents any stat reductions completely.

Like I said earlier, I absolutely adore this brutal-looking monstrosity now and I am so glad Game Freak decided to give it a Mega form, however overpowered it may be. I can't believe I didn't realize how badass Metagross actually is when I was just in my early teens, but I guess we've all come to get used to more extravagant and alien designs and have even started to really appreciate some of them. Let's face it, how fucking awesome does 'robot spider' sound?

Rating: 5/5

#363 - #365: Spheal, Sealeo & Walrein

Isn't Spheal honestly the most adorable thing you've ever seen? When playing through Pokémon Sapphire for the first time, I immediately fell in love with it and decided it would be on my team for the remainder of the playthrough... until it evolved, that is. It's a shame Game Freak felt obliged to give Spheal a first- and second-stage evolution, but I guess the end justifies the means; Spheal doesn't look like it's strong on its own, and it certainly isn't, so its evolutions were mere necessities. That doesn't stop me from loving this thing more than its evolutions, though; I put it on number 50 in my top 50 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, which I did for a reason, and it is still one of my favorite Pokémon to date.

It is just. Too. Cute.

Adorable little Spheal in TCG. Look at it, it's so happy!

One of the reasons for that is obviously its round shape. It looks like it can be used as a ball for all kinds of ball sports such as soccer, basketball and volleyball, and even leisure activities like bowling or bouncing around on a Hoppity Hop. Can you even imagine using it as a ball for certain kinds of arcade games, like Skee-Ball and pinball? In Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire, you can't actually use Spheal as a pinball to play with, but you can try to hit Spheal with the pinball - which is a Poké Ball or an upgraded version of that in this game - once one of them hops onto the icy slide. If you manage to do that, the Spheal will accelerate and go up the slide, ending up on a Sealeo that will bounce it into the basket (the same kind used in basketball) with its nose, as seen in the image below. It'll earn you more points than throwing the 'pinball' up the slide.

The Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire. The left Sealeo
is tossing a Poké Ball - the 'pinball' - into the basket, while the right one is tossing a
Spheal into it after the player gave it a push with their Poké Ball.

Spheal's appearance and flavor makes it even cuter: the stubby little ears, the sparkling eyes, the funny muzzle, its happy face... Did you know Spheal claps its fins when it's happy or cheerful, and that groups of them clap in unison when they're having a meal together, just to show their pleasure? That must be a sight to behold, and their noises must be like music to your ears. Too cute. Also, did you know that its blue fur is actually really plushy? Or that it moves around by rolling across ice floes because its body isn't suited for swimming or walking? Well, at least you know now, and none of this information is even the least bit trivial, goddammit. For heaven's sake, it is known for crossing oceans atop icebergs. That is not something I'm against, either: Spheal can bob right towards Europe, hop onto the Dutch mainland and jump directly into my arms, because it puts a smile on my face every time I look at it and I want to have one right this fucking instant. Spheal is pure joy. Spheal is love. Spheal is life. And if you don't agree with me, I'mma hunt you down and force you to watch images, videos and GIFs of Spheal until you can't take no more and die of sheer cuteness.

(Disclaimer: I may have exaggerated just a little bit in the paragraph above. Don't take me too seriously, now.)

Sealeo's official Sugimori art. Is it just me, or does Sealeo have a
double chin?

But then Spheal evolves and I have to miss my precious little beach ball. Sealeo doesn't look bad by any means - it is perfectly fat for a seal and looks like a logical evolution of my beloved little bouncing ball - but I'm not a big fan of its design and part of that is owing to that weirdly shaped mustache, which are actually whiskers; thick, fat whiskers at that, goddamn. I know their purpose is to make Sealeo blend in with Spheal and its evolution Walrein, who is even hairier than Sealeo, but I feel like they're too big for Sealeo's face. I also have the feeling many people readily forget it exist, and I must say it is kind of a forgettable Pokémon, even though it's a moderately interesting one flavor-wise. While its name suggests it's based on a sea lion, it is actually inspired from seals, much like its pre-evolution. Like the real deal, Sealeo tends to roll anything new it sees on its snout to test its smell and texture, even entertaining itself by balancing Spheal on its nose (as demonstrated by the Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire). Sealeo's tenedency to balance things on its muzzle is very reminiscent of the way seals in zoological parks perform tricks to provide for our entertainment. You can find the English word 'juggler' in Sealeo's Japanese name Todoggler (トドグラー), while its respective French and German names of Phogleur and Seejong both derive from jongleur - or Jongleur in German, because the German tend to capitalize every single noun - and its Chinese name Hǎimóshī (海魔獅) contains mó​shù​shī, which can also mean 'magician'.

TCG art of Walrein.

But Sealeo's juggling days are over when it evolves into Walrein, who is a... walrus. I mean, if a goddamn seagull can turn into an annoying-ass pelican or a bunch of eggs (pardon me, seeds) can change into a dragon-type coconut palm, surely a seal can evolve into a walrus, right? Anything is possible in Pokémon. At least Walrein's design has a certain degree of coherency, as its white hair blends in quite well with its blue body, whereas Sealeo's huge mustache feels comically out of place. The cream color of Spheal and Sealeo's bodies are now almost entirely gone in Walrein's design, and only its huge and powerful tusks look yellow now. Seriously, Walrein, brush your teeth. All joking aside, Walrein's prized tusks are strong enough to break a 10-ton iceberg in one hit, although it is possible for them to break off during battle. As if Spheal and Sealeo weren't fat enough, Walrein now has a thick blubber that not only repels incoming attacks, but also protects it against the temperatures of the frigid waters it swims in.

This looks amazing. Very realistic!

And Walrein is a bulky motherfucker, that's for sure. It's damn nigh impossible to kill it in one hit, and that is due to its crazy base 110 HP stat and very decent base 90 defenses. Unfortunately, it lacks access to Scald and therefore loses a bit of its competitive utility, but at least it's still a great addition to any in-game team due to its high special attack and access to Surf and Ice Beam. (Did I really say that Walrein isn't a good Pokémon to use in a playthrough when I was counting down my list of favorite Pokémon four years ago? God to the fucking damn, I was so dumb and ignorant back then.) Granted, Walrein isn't very zippy, nor is its moveset overly diverse, but its ability to tank hits and retaliate with strong STAB moves can make it a valuable asset to your team. And should you desire to make it more diverse move-wise, you can make it a physical attacker: its base 80 attack stat isn't terrible, and it has acces to some very nifty physical-based moves such as Aqua Tail, Waterfall, Ice Fang, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Iron Head and Iron Tail. Competitively, it's not recommended to use Walrein as an all-out attacker. It's better to utilize its bulk and use it as a supportive Pokémon with a defensive nature, the Thick Fat ability and Leftovers as its held item, as it has access to some interesting status moves: Roar forces the opposing Pokémon to switch out and prevents it from setting up with moves like Calm Mind and Swords Dance, Encore locks the opposing Pokémon into a conceivably undesirable move, Super Fang always deals damage equal to half of the opposing Pokémon's remaining HP, and the Toxic/Protect combo is a classic.

Instead of another Walrein picture, you're getting an image of this adorable Spheal
plushie. Look at it, who could withstand this fluffy pinniped? 

Walrein is alright and all, and I definitely don't hate or dislike it in any way, but I just adore Spheal for its cuteness. I don't give a fuck about how good or bad it is in-game or competitively; some Pokémon belong to my favorites because they are cute, which is also the case with Furret, Shuckle and Mew - although the latter is actually really good in the competitive metagame. I could keep gushing about Spheal, but you already know by now what I think about it and what rating it's going to get.

P.S.: Did you know that Spheal and its evolutions are actually primary ice?

Rating Spheal: 5/5

Rating Walrein: 4/5

#359: Absol

With Absol being a clear fan favorite, there's bound to be plenty
of cool fan art to be found on the web.

Has anybody ever had the feeling your intentions were completely misinterpreted? Poor Absol must feel that way all the fucking time. Using the horn on its head, Absol is able to sense even the most subtle changes in the sky and land to predict when a natural disaster will occur, and it will try to warn people of impending danger. However, people often misinterpret his warnings and think Absol is in fact the bringer of doom, which fed a hatred of it. No wonder Absol lives its 100-year life in seclusion in the mountains, far from civilization, and rarely ventures down from its alpine home; I guess it's sick and tired of humanity blaming unfavorable natural occurrences on its species when it's only trying to alert people of earthquakes or tidal waves. The rage among those people must have been big when they found out Absol can actually change into a stronger being, if only temporarily: Absol can Mega-evolve, and the energy that courses through its body from the transition makes it fur bristle and makes Mega Absol look as if it has a pair of wings on its back. This does give it an angelic appearance, but Mega Absol can't actually fly, nor does it get the flying typing on top of its dark typing.

The angelic-looking Mega Absol. The pair of wings is actually its fur; the increased
energy coursing through its body upon Mega-evolving is what makes the fur at the
back of its mane stand on end.

This time I do have to commend Game Freak on their consistency here: in the main series games, Absol can often be found in places where disasters occur or occurred, supporting its description as a doomsayer. Let's ignore the fact that not all of these disasters are natural occurrences, because that is damn near impossible in Pokémon games.

- In Diamond and Pearl, Absol appears on Route 213. This route is close to Lake Valor, which was drained by Team Galactic in order to illegitimately capture Azelf. Also, the route number contains the number 13, which is universally considered to be an unlucky number.

- In Platinum, Absol can be found on Mt. Coronet in places that one can first access when heading to Spear Pillar, before Giratina is summoned by Team Galactic's Cyrus.

- In Black and White, after the player finished the main game, Absol appears at the Giant Chasm - the home of Kyurem and said to be a place where disasters befall Trainers - and Route 13. In the sequels to Black and White, unoriginally named Black 2 and White 2, Giant Chasm is where the 'new' Team Plasma makes their stand.

- In X and Y, Route 8 is Absol's home base. While the route number isn't even close to 13, Absol is found on the higher side of the route, right on the cliffs. You also encounter this Pokémon right before the player character meets Team Flare for the first time.

- In Sun and Moon, Absol is found in Tapu Village, which was destroyed years earlier by Tapu Bulu because it took offense to the grocery store that was built on Route 14. Plus, have you noticed how Tapu Village connects Routes 13, 14 and 15? Nifty.

It isn't found in disaster areas in every game, though. Being an alpine Pokémon by nature, it would have made no frickin' sense for Game Freak to make Seafloor Cavern - an underwater area where, depending on which version you're playing, Groudon and Kyogre are summoned by Team Magma or Team Aqua, respectively - Absol's natural habitat, so in Ruby and Sapphire it is found on Route 120 instead. Hoenn really does have too much water, goddamn. However, it was a missed opportunity not to put Absol on Route 10 in Pokémon X and Y, because this route is actually found beneath Geosenge Town, the town where AZ's ultimate weapon is excavated by Team Flare and intended to be used by Lysandre in order for him to destroy Kalos.

A pair of Absol parents with their shiny child. 

But what makes Absol so connected to such catastrophes in the first place? I mean, what are its origins? Well, aside from the obvious black cat superstition - Absol does in fact look somewhat feline - there are a whole lot of creatures it may have been based on, whether they be mythical or not. The first are sphinxes, winged monsters with a woman's head and a lion's body, noted for killing anyone being unable to answer its riddle. Whereas sphinxes are often associated with ancient Egypt, they're actually from Greek mythology, and the 'wings' on Mega Absol are actually more reminiscent of Greek portrayals of these creatures, which are more often depicted with wings than not. The Chinese legend of the Baí Zé, generally described as a white beast with extraordinary intelligence, might be another inspiration for Absol's design and flavor. This Baí Zé creature was gifted with the ability to understand human speech, as well as the knowledge on the forms and habits of exactly 11,520 types of supernatural creatures in the world and how to overcome their hauntings and attacks. While the Baí Zé is known as the hakutaku in Japan, a related legend speaks of an almost identical creature called the kutabe, which predicted that a deadly plague would sweep through the Japanese population in the next few years and prescribed that its own image be used as a talisman to ward off the disease. While known as a bovine creature, it is also commonly depicted as a creature with a lion's body, one horn on its head and an extra eye in the center of its forehead. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

This way - and not entirely coincidentally - Absol's head looks like a tàijítú or yīnyáng symbol, which is usually a representation of how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another (e.g. light and dark, fire and water, expansion and contraction, matter and antimatter). This concept would be expanded upon in Gen. V with Reshiram and Zekrom, but at least it makes for some interesting speculations and discussions about Absol's origins, especially since it's a favorite among long-time Pokémon fans. With its ability to sense oncoming natural disasters Absol is, after all, a creature close to nature, and the concept of yin and yang fits its flavor and white-and-blue design perfectly.

Official art of Mega Absol. Drawn by Ken Sugimori,
courtesy of Nintendo and everything. 

One big question remains, though: how well does Absol do in the competitive scene? Uhm... not great. Absol sports some amazing attack, but it is quite frail and not very fast, which they fixed with its Mega. Well, at least the speed part; Mega Absol is as frail as ever, but it got a boost of 40 base points in both its speed and special attack - both ending up at a solid 115 - and an increase in its attack by 20 base points. While at 150 its attack is still superior to any of its other stats, it is able to dish out some special damage as well, and quite frankly it has such a large movepool that you don't even know where to start with this thing. Mega Absol is a pure dark type and has access to some nice utility moves that it receives STAB from, such as Pursuit, Sucker Punch and Knock Off. Type coverage can be found in moves like Zen Headbutt, Ice Beam, Thunderbolt, Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Dark Pulse, Megahorn, Play Rough, Iron Tail and Superpower. If you want to run a physical moveset and boost its attack, Swords Dance is right there for you. This even allows you to run a Jolly nature (lowers special attack, increases speed), although a Naive nature (lowers special defense, increases speed) is required if you want to run a mixed Mega Absol. As far as abilities go, Magic Bounce is a great ability that reflects the effects of all stat-lowering and status condition-inducing status moves - as well as entry hazard moves and moves like Torment and Taunt - back to the user, effectively making it immune to moves like Will-O-Wisp and Thunder Wave. That makes it very hard to weaken it or slow it down, which is exactly what you want.

When it comes to regular Absol's ability before you Mega-evolve it, Justified is the way to go: if you get hit by a dark-type move when you switch Absol in, you might as well get an attack boost from it first, making Mega Absol a little bit more dangerous for your opponent. Super Luck increases the chance of getting a critical hit, while Pressure drains some extra PP from the moves your opponent's Pokémon is attacking Absol with, but both are more viable for the long run and fit more on a regular Absol's Life Orb set or something.

Fan art of Mega Absol being fabulous.

This article is becoming a little bit too long for just a single Pokémon, but I guess I'm willing to spend a lot of my time writing about Absol (seriously though, I've spent at least five hours doing research and thinking about how to formulate my sentences). It's such a fascinating Pokémon for a dark type, which normally tend to be more evil and malicious, and it's definitely one of the most unique Gen. III Pokémon introduced. I never realized how much I actually love Absol, and I certainly did not expect to give it a perfect rating. Yet here I am, gushing about a Pokémon I didn't know I love.

Good job on this one, Game Freak.

Rating: 5/5

#349 - #350: Feebas & Milotic

I may not have been posting reviews very often recently, but that's because I had a lot do on a personal scale and just didn't really have the time to write anything. Plus, I am currently keeping up with everything related to the Eurovision Song Contest held in Kyiv, Ukraine in the upcoming week (go, OG3NE!), so I expect the pace at which I post these Pokémon reviews will accelerate after the Grand Final next Saturday.

This is a pretty accurate meme, I'd say. Its scarcity, in stark
contrast to Magikarp's overpopulation, is absolutely infuriating.

For right now, though, I have the time to discuss the next Pokémon in the numerical order, being Feebas and its evolution Milotic. The former is an ugly and shabby-looking fish, while the latter is a sea serpent said to be the most beautiful Pokémon in existence. This makes their evolution very similar to that of Magikarp and Gyarados aesthetic-wise, because y'all know Magikarp is a pathetic and useless little fishie and Gyarados is a badass sea dragon. However, while there seems to be an overabundance of Magikarp in practically every game, finding Feebas was a fucking drag in the original GBA games: the probability of finding a water tile with a Feebas on Route 119 is approximately 1:73, with six fishing spots on 436 water tiles. In Mt. Coronet in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, the odds of finding a Feebas - at 1:132 - are even slimmer than in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, with four possible fishing spots on 528 water tiles. In addition to that, you need to maximize its Beauty stat in order for you to evolve it, which makes it the only Pokémon that needs a modification in its Contest stats for it to evolve at all. In later generations, however, Game Freak made it so that Feebas could be found in the entire fishing area, although sometimes the odds of finding one aren't more than 5% under normal conditions. Evolving it has been less of a drag as well lately, as it changes into Milotic when traded holding a Prism Scale.

The beautiful and elegant Milotic with its ugly child, Feebas.
I believe it's giving its parent a Heart Scale. 

Like with Magikarp and Gyarados, there couldn't have been a bigger contrast between the ugly and ragged-looking Feebas and the beautiful and elegant Milotic. Feebas's Pokédex entries even state that it is largely ignored by Pokémon Trainers and scientists/researchers alike for its hideous appearance (although its Moon entry states that its marvelous vitality has made it a subject of research), but it is a hardy Pokémon capable of living anywhere and eating anything. It's dim-witted and gullible, though, which makes it easy to capture once you've found it. Owning one of these bass - though they bear some uncanny resemblances to marine hatchetfish, including the flat body, large eyes, big mouth and ugliness - will eventually pay off, because Milotic is indeed nothing short of gorgeous. Its lovely scales are described as rainbow-colored, changing color depending on the viewing angle, and its captivating beauty has been the inspiration for many works of art, including paintings and statues. Now, Parfum Palace is probably one of the most stately places in X and Y, but what really catches your eye is the beautiful gold statue of Milotic in the foyer. 'Beauty' is even in its English and foreign names, although not in an obvious way: 'Milotic' is derived from a statue called Venus de Milo, a work of ancient Greek sculpture well-known for being an example of beauty. Its pale, elongated body and extended, red dorsal fins are reminiscent of an incredibly rare species of fish called the oarfish. Milotic may therefore be a pure water type, but its flavor suggests it could have had psychic as its secondary type: this pacifist Pokémon has the power to becalm human emotions such as anger and hostility and end arguments by releasing a wave of pinkish energy, and in the anime it is shown moving by floating in the air. It doesn't have any significantly useful psychic-type moves, though, so we can throw that idea out the window.

Gorgeous, right?

I've mentioned Gyarados several times already, but Milotic has a lot of similarities with this aggressive sea dragon: both are serpentine forms of weak fish Pokémon, both appear in times of conflict (Milotic to becalm, Gyarados to wreak havoc), both have base stat totals of 540 - sharing the same HP, defense and speed, and the same base stat values in attack, special attack and special defense but in a different arrangement - and both are tied with each other for the greatest increase in base stat total upon evolving, at 340 points.

More beautiful fan art of Milotic.

And a base stat total of 540 definitely comes in handy in competitive play. With base 95 HP and 125 special defense, Milotic serves as a great special tank, and a Bold nature boosts its base 79 physical defense to make it just an overall defensive pivot. A Calm nature is perfectly feasible as well, but Milotic is specially defensive in itself and you'd probably want to buff its physical defense a little. If you do invest the required EVs in defense and HP, you won't be able to boost its special attack all that much, but at a base 100 it's respectable anyway. Moreover, Milotic should be able to tank hits and then hit back with a Scald for a chance to burn the opponent and lessen the damage output of physical moves even more (a burn halves the opponent's attack stat). That's not all, though, as you should do everything in your might to assure Milotic's longevity: its ridiculous bulk is backed up by the move Recover, which heals half of its HP whenever it is used, and the held item Leftovers, which heal a little of its HP at the end of every turn. To round out its moveset, you should give it Ice Beam for some nice type coverage and Haze to reset all stat changes on the battlefield. The latter is especially handy to counter Pokémon that rely on stat boosts to overcome Milotic and sweep the rest of your team. Alternatively, Dragon Tail is a move with negative priority but forces the current opposing Pokémon out in exchange for another when it hits. And as if Milotic wasn't sporting enough bulk already, it has access to an ability called Marvel Scale, which increases its defense whenever it suffers from a status condition. It has another ability called Competitive, which sharply increases its special attack every time one of its stats is lowered, and its hidden ability Cute Charm is terrible and shouldn't even be touched. Marvel Scale is generally better than Competitive, although the special attack boost can be nice at times.

Whoever knit this shiny Milotic is very talented. 

I have to be honest here and say that Milotic is only one of my favorite Pokémon because it's pretty. There's a vast array of pretty fan art of Milotic to be found on the Internet as well, and I have to say I could hardly choose. I've never used one in a playthrough due to Feebas's annoying evolution method, but I currently have one that is level 1 and I could probably use it on a team of solely serpentine Pokémon consisting of Seviper, Milotic, Steelix, Gyarados, Serperior and Dragonair; no Arbok because Seviper is already a pure poison type, no Huntail and/or Gorebyss because I'd have a pure water type in Milotic already, and no Rayquaza because it's OP as fuck. I've used themed teams before, most noticeably my feline team led by Luxray, and I could totally do it. Heck, I totally want to do it, but I just don't have the time right now.

While I ranked Milotic number 10 in my top 10 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, it definitely isn't in my top 10 anymore. That's partly due to my recently acquired love for phenomenal steel types like Steelix, Skarmory, Celesteela, Solgaleo, Klinklang, Metagross and Ferrothorn, all of which easily hold spots in my top 20, but also because my love for it has died down a little. I still love it, of course, and it deserves no less than a perfect rating from me.

P.S.: I like how Feebas's French name of Barpau is phonetically similar to pas beau, which means 'not beautiful'. That's some real shade you're throwing at Feebas, Game Freak! Personally, I think it's a bit of an understatement.

Rating: 5/5