#239, #125, #466: Elekid, Electabuzz & Electivire

Oh hey, look at that: another baby Pokémon!

Actually, there are four baby Pokémon I am not particularly bothered with: Pichu because it is able to obtain Volt Tackle as an egg move, Tyrogue due to its three possible evolutions, Elekid because it's cool, and then Magby because it's so friggin' adorable. You'll find Magby again in my next entry, so let's focus on Elekid right now.

Fan art of an Elekid leaving its Trainer in shock. Then again, that
is probably the kid's intention. 

Elekid is a cool little dude who likes to play out in the most vicious thunderstorms, which is one source of charging electricity for it, the other one being rotating its arms. The thing is that Elekid actually tires easily, so its best defense mechanism is a weak current flowing between its prong-like horns that shocks unwary people who try to pet it. That's as interesting as it gets, unfortunately, but at least it is able to evolve into a great Pokémon: Electabuzz. And unlike its pre-evolved form, Electabuzz is not so sweet. It is an agressive Pokémon prone to heated competition, and Electabuzz will compete with one another in order to determine which one is capable of attaining the highest ground during torrential thunderstorms, so to get struck by a lightning bolt. The Electabuzz won't even get harmed; they will simply absorb the electricity, which is why they are often used as an alternative to lightning rods in urban areas. It won't come as a surprise that Electabuzz can store insane amounts of electricity in its body, which it constantly discharges, so coming too close to it will make your hair stand on end. Indeed, it even feeds on electricity generated by power plants, which can cause major blackouts in cities.

Pikachu crying over his broken ketchup bottle in "Showdown at Dark City"; season
1, episode 42. In said episode, two rivaling unofficial Pokémon Gyms, Yas and Kaz,
seek official status, but the situation gets out of hand. Ketchup, of all things, makes
an end to Scyther and Electabuzz's destructive tantrums, causing the two Pokémon
to start fighting each other.

By the way, I forgot to mention this in Scyther's entry, but as demonstrated in episode 42 of the first season of the anime series ("Showdown at Dark City"), both Scyther and Electabuzz are enraged by the color red. In this episode, they become violent when they get ketchup in their eyes and start razing entire Dark City to the ground. This characteristic is nowhere to be found in their respective Pokédex entries, however, and I personally think it was just made up as an excuse for including the infamous recurring gag of a ketchup-worshiping Pikachu.

Above: old official art of Electabuzz.
Below: Electabuzz's current art.
Both are drawn by Ken Sugimori. 

Anyway, Electabuzz is not the final stage of the evolution line: it got an evolution in the fourth generation. By giving Electabuzz an Electirizer and trade it to another game, Electivire can be obtained. And Electivire is a ferocious fighter: it pushes the tips of its two tails onto the foe, then lets loose with over 20,000 volts of electricity. Blue sparks begin to crackle between its horns as its electric charge amplifies. Sadly, that's about it when it comes to Electivire's Pokédex entries, but there is always the question, "What the hell was the inspiration for Elekid and its evolutions?" Well, Game Freak decided to go with the theme of electrical devices, although this is only the case with Elekid and Electivire; Electabuzz already existed, of course, and this thing is most probably based on the Japanese myth of the oni, some kind of horned ogre with tusks that wears tiger-skin loinclothes and is sometimes depicted as a god of lightning and thunder. Game Freak kept the tigerprint on Elekid and Electivire, but they look nothing like ogres: Elekid is kind of humanoid rather than reptilian and is based on an American and Japanese plug, while Electivire has traits of an ape and wears a mark on its back that resembles a power socket. Additionally, the horns on its head might be based off of Tesla coils. These are invented, as the name so eloquently suggests, by the Serbian American physicist and electrical engineer Nikola Tesla, and they are used to produce high voltages at low currents. Tesla used them for his experiments in electrical lighting, phosphorescence, X-ray generation, wireless energy transmission and electrotherapy, among other things, but their modern-day use is for entertainment and educational displays.

Wow, I'm being quite the teacher here. Heh.

Electivire in the anime.

Let's move on to the competitive use for Electabuzz and Electivire, shall we? Interestingly, Electabuzz prefers to fight using special-based moves, while Electivire is more of a physical attacker. Contrary to Electivire, there is only one way to go with Electabuzz: special. Its attack stat is actually not that bad, at least not for in-game purposes, but it is mediocre and it should not be used in the competitive scene. Its defenses aren't all that, especially not its defense stat, but as Electabuzz is still able to evolve, you can just slap the Eviolite on it to create a little bulk. A moveset consisting of Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Focus Blast and Hidden Power (the type varies on IVs, so you figure out yourself which type of Hidden Power you want) is recommended, although you can ditch Hidden Power for Psychic, Flamethrower or Signal Beam for a little type coverage. Electivire has the same amount of special attack as Electabuzz, but it got a lot of physical attack upon evolution for some reason, making it a fast physical attacker (although slightly slower than Electabuzz). Its access to Earthquake helps it a lot and therefore this move should be a must-have for it, as are Wild Charge and Ice Punch or Fire Punch. Also, I wonder why Electivire isn't a fighting type, because it has access to some amazing fighting-type moves, which I will list here for you to pick some from them should you so desire to use a few: Brick Break, Cross Chop (slightly inaccurate), Dynamic Punch (very inaccurate, should be avoided), Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Hammer Arm (awesome!), Low Kick, Power-Up Punch (rather weak, but increases Electivire's attack by one stage every time it is used), some weaker moves that aren't worth mentioning, and even Focus Blast on the special side of the attacking spectrum. Iron Tail, though inaccurate, is a viable option, as is Rock Slide. An egg move that may come in handy is the psychic-type move Meditate, which increases Electivire's attack stat by one stage, although you can just use Power-Up Punch for that while you still do a bit of damage.

Eerie fan art of Electivire.

Of course, natures, abilities and items are as important as moves, as they have a beneficial effect and can turn the odds in your favor. Electabuzz comes equipped with either the Static or Vital Spirit ability. Static has a chance of paralyzing the opponent when they make direct contact with Electabuzz, although you can just paralyze the foe with Thunder Wave if you wanna go that way; Vital Spirit is very much preferred over Static, as it prevents Electabuzz from falling asleep. That might come in handy against Pokémon that rely on sleep-inflicting moves like Spore, Sing, Hypnosis and Sleep Powder. Running a Timid nature is recommended to get the most out of Electabuzz's excellent speed stat, although a Modest nature works well with a Choice Scarf (but you won't get the defensive boost from the Eviolite!). Electivire also has Vital Spirit, but it might have Motor Drive when you evolve it from a Static Electabuzz. That ability gives it an immunity to electric-type attacks and boosts its speed when it is hit by one, too. Either ability is fine for it. Lastly, Electivire benefits from a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb or Choice Band/Choice Scarf to hold.

I was always more fond of Electabuzz than of Magmar, Electabuzz's fire-type counterpart, and Gen. IV was very kind to it. Electivire is one of the better evolutions from previous-generation Pokémon, and that can't exactly be said about Magmortar. I never used Electivire, but I am definitely planning to do so if that choice presents itself.

Rating: 4.5/5

#238, #124: Smoochum & Jynx

Is it just me and my dirty mind, or is this genius piece of TCG art
a tad bit provocative? "Ayo gurrrl, show me dat booty!"

First Hitmontop, now Smoochum?

Goddamn, Game Freak must have liked them medieval bowl cuts back then...

Well, you know my opinion about baby Pokémon by now, don't you? So I don't have to tell you what I think about Smoochum, even though I don't particularly hate its design. Too bad its flavor is so incredibly boring though, because there is absolutely nothing about it that is remotely interesting, aside from the fact that Smoochum uses its thick, sensitive lips to identify and examine objects that it sees for the first time. So it's clumsy? Who cares, so am I. So it's vain? Yeah, me too. Jynx is a whole other matter. It likes to wiggle rythmically with its hips while it walks, so it already knew what it had to do with that big fat butt before Jason Derulo even sang about it; and on top of that, it alters the rhythm of its moving hips depending on how it is feeling. Its bouncingly alluring motions can make other people compelled to shake their hips with it without giving any thought to what they are doing. Jynx also talks in a strange, incomprehensible language that sounds human, but it is impossible to tell what it is trying to say and research is still being carried out to decipher its words.

Jynx as seen in the off-season anime episode
"Holiday Hi-Jynx", which was intended to be
the 39th episode but was rescheduled
following the seizures that "Electric Soldier
Porygon" caused to Japanese children.

However, that is not what makes Jynx so interesting. What's interesting is that, even 'til today, Jynx has been notorious for being a very controversial figure, within the fan base as well as outside. You see, Jynx originally had a black skin color combined with thick lips, which caused one Carole Boston Weatherford to complain that Jynx was a negative racial stereotype of African-Americans after she saw the episode "Holiday Hi-Jynx". Weatherford's complaint has caused many repercussions in the Pokémon franchise, starting with the alterations of Jynx's sprites in the Western releases of Gold and Silver. Its design has gradually changed since then, in all possible media: from the games and the anime to the TCG art and the manga (its skin was changed from a deep black to a dark gray, so to suggest that Jynx are purple). From Ruby and Sapphire onwards, Jynx's official sprites have been purple rather than black, even in Japan. The 41st episode of the fifth season of the anime, "The Ice Cave!" (English translation of the Japanese title), was skipped in its entirety in the English dub because Jynx still had its original skin color and, above all, played an important role in the episode. Also, it is said that another reason that the episode was banned was because Brock got really sick in it, suffering from a cold with symptoms that looked like SARS, a disease that caused an epidemic at the time, especially in China. However, this was dismissed as bullshit a short while after that, because the episode aired in China without causing any problems or controversy and because Jynx made a cameo appearance in the 13th episode of the sixth season, "All Things Bright and Beautifly!", that was cut from the English dub because of its black skin color. Only from the 23rd episode of season 8 onwards did Jynx's redesign appear in the anime, and it was the first time that Jynx was shown in the flesh in America since "Holiday Hi-Jynx".

But it doesn't end there.

Left: Jynx's original official art. Right: Jynx's current official art.
Both are created by Ken Sugimori.

Following the controversy surrounding Jynx's racial aspects, it is often discussed within the Pokémon fandom what it is based on. To this day, it is still not clear what Jynx is supposed to represent, although the fact that it is depicted as Santa's helper in "Holiday Hi-Jynx" might be a reference to the Dutch folklore character of Zwarte Piet (pronunciation: zwar-tuh peet), meaning Black Pete or Black Peter. Zwarte Pieten are men in blackface and frilly seventeenth-century clothing that accompany Sinterklaas, a corruption of Sint-Nicolaas (Saint Nicholas) of Myra, Anatolia. This patron saint of children had a reputation of being very generous and handing out gifts, particularly leaving coins in strangers' shoes. This led to several myths and traditions of gift-giving in some European countries, mostly on his feast day somewhere in December. Sinterklaas can be seen as the Dutch equivalent of Santa Claus; in fact, modern-day Santa is directly derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas. There's only one huge difference here: Santa's little helpers are usually elves, while Sinterklaas' companions are Zwarte Pieten. Also, Sinterklaas doesn't have reindeers pulling a sleigh; instead, he travels to the Netherlands by steamboat and rides a white horse called Amerigo (named after the Italian explorer and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci; in Flanders the horse is called Slecht-Weer-Vandaag, meaning 'bad weather today') while in our country.

Zwarte Piet has become very controversial in the Netherlands lately, because of
his black-as-soot face. 

In recent years, Zwarte Piet has become a controversial figure in the Netherlands, mainly because he is thought to be a racist caricature, which has led to the introduction of alternate- and multi-colored Pieten participating in some sinterklaasoptochten ('Sinterklaas parades') held throughout the country. Most Dutch people, myself included, are displeased with this change and are like, "Hands off of our tradition", but the Sinterklaas holidays are undergoing a change and it seems to be inevitable that Zwarte Piet will soon be nothing more than a figure in our history books. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist by any means. In fact, I don't think Zwarte Piet is black by nature. Little children believe Zwarte Pieten enter their house by using the chimney, leaving candy in their shoes every few days (usually chocolate coins) until sinterklaasavond ('Sinterklaas evening') arrives, on which children get a moderate pile of presents. Zwarte Pieten are supposed to represent chimney sweeps covered in soot, although it's actually Santa himself who has adopted the tradition of going through the chimney, only without the dirty face. Admittedly, the idea of Zwarte Pieten being chimney sweeps has been executed quite terribly, especially considering the Netherlands' past with slavery.

The yamanba side of the fashion style called ganguro. This girl
scares me more than Jynx does. 

Anyway, there are a few other figures who may be the inspiration for Jynx. A common interpretation may be that of a Nordic or Viking woman, due to Jynx's primary ice typing and the old-fashioned, breastplated gown it is wearing. Another theory is that Jynx has traits of a female opera singer, as Pokémon Snap and its Gen. III sprites depict it singing, espcially the Emerald sprite that animates it singing a high note. It may have its origins in yuki-onna, meaning 'snow woman' (hence Jynx's ice type), Japanese spirits that are associated with winter and snowstorms. Additionally, Jynx is probably based most on the Japanese spirit Yama-uba (with Smoochum being based on the human child she is raising, Kintarō), who is described as always wearing a tattered red kimono, seducing her victims by dancing, and having golden white hair, a dark-colored skin, large lips and control over winter weather (does all that sound familiar?). Yamanba is also slang for the extreme side of the fashion style ganguro, which involves bleached hair, artificial tanning and applying brightly-colored lipstick, usually pink.

Three Jynx performing some sort of dance in unison.

Yup, there is a lot to say about Jynx, but at the end of the day, the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question is whether Jynx is viable for competitive play. Well, is it? Sure, if you know what you're doing. Jynx possesses some great special attack, very good speed and special defense, average HP and downright terrible attack and defense. That attack is something Jynx doesn't need anyway, but that low defense just plain sucks. There is a certain tactic you can use when battling with Jynx: run one with a Timid nature and its hidden ability Dry Skin (the other two it has aren't really useful), have it hold a Focus Sash or Life Orb, put the foe to sleep with Lovely Kiss (kinda risky with just 75% accuracy, though), set up with Nasty Plot and fire away with Ice Beam, Psyshock or Psychic, and/or Focus Blast. It also learns Shadow Ball, Energy Ball and Signal Beam, just for some type coverage. You can also Scarf or Specs Jynx, but that means you won't be able to set up with Nasty Plot and then destroy the opponent with its moves, as these items lock Jynx into using just one move until it is switched out. Watch out with Dry Skin: it effectively gives Jynx an immunity to water-type moves and heals its HP by a maximum of 25% if it is hit by one, but it strengthens the opponent's fire-type moves by 25% as well. And that's a problem, because Jynx's ice typing already renders it weak to fire.

Jynx has been interestingly controversial, to say the least, and the last word about it has yet to be said. All in all, I consider Jynx to be nothing more than OK: its design is alright, its flavor is alright (it's all about kissing as well: Lovely Kiss, Sweet Kiss, Draining Kiss...), and despite the fact that the controversy it caused is rather interesting, it did hold me back from actually loving this thing. Also, I'm not particularly fond of humanoid Pokémon (Lickilicky and Mr. Mime in particular), but I like Jynx well enough, even though I think it's a little bit creepy.

Rating: 3.5/5

#123, #212: Scyther & Scizor

Scyther in all its glory.

Oh man, these Pokémon.

Remember when Scyther was awesome back in the day? Yeah, it was one of the better-designed and most popular Pokémon, but it has lost its appeal a little over the last fifteen years or so. Even in the time of Red, Blue and Yellow Scyther wasn't all that, just because it didn't learn any STAB bug- or flying-type moves other than the weak Wing Attack, which was still a whopping 35 power back then... and that was only in Pokémon Yellow. Sure, critical hits were based on speed and Scyther was one of the fastest Pokémon the game, so you could just spam Slash. Crits galore! Fortunately, Game Freak have only improved Scyther since then, giving it the awesome Technician ability (which increases the strength of moves with 60 power or less by 50%) and some moves that can benefit from it, such as Bug Bite and Aerial Ace. In the second generation, Scyther even got an amazing evolution named Scizor. The problem is that Scizor is superior to Scyther in every aspect except speed: Scizor becomes much slower in exchange for a little more bulk, a better attack stat and the ever-so-useful steel type. It even retains Technician, and from X and Y onward it even has been able to Mega-evolve.

Fan art of Scyther and Scizor. This image suggests that they are
equals, as they have roughly the same height and take the same
stance. 

Both Scyther and Scizor have a base stat total of 500, which is highly unusual in an evolution line; Pokémon typically get stronger when evolution triggers, but apparently this doesn't seem to apply to Scyther and Scizor. In fact, Scyther is the only pre-evolutionary form that has the same base stat total as its evolution. It does evolve by having it hold a Metal Coat and trade it away, but this is hardly the reason why Scyther and Scizor's base stat total is exactly the same; even Steelix's is much higher than Onix's (just like Scizor, though, it has lost some of its speed). My theory is that Scyther had good stats for a basic Pokémon already and that it didn't particularly need to become stronger; Scizor would have been way too overpowered - close to legendary status - if it had kept Scyther's excellent speed stat upon evolution. Great attack, great speed and decent bulk? Nigh impossible to take down, I'd say. Instead, you should see Scizor as an alternative to Scyther: the former has the all-important steel typing (this makes Scizor 4x weak to fire, but it's its only weakness) and is stronger and bulkier, while the latter has a STAB Technician-boosted Aerial Ace or Wing Attack and can make use of the Eviolite. By the way, I am not even counting the fact that I think Scizor is much more awesome than Scyther. When I was a kid, Scyther was one of my favorite Pokémon, but this shifted to Lugia and Scizor instead, and that hasn't changed much over the years.

Fan art of Scizor showing off its badassery.

Why, let's take a look at their Pokédex entries, shall we? Scyther is obviously based on the praying mantis and the mantidfly, and while the blades of mantises aren't that sharp, Scyther's are: they are able to slice through logs and become even sharper when used to cut through hard materials. With ninja-like agility and speed, it can create the illusion that there is more than one of them or become too fast for the human eye to track. And how about Scizor? Well, despite its name and its Gen. II classification as the 'Scissors Pokémon', which Game Freak corrected in Gen. III, its claws are more like pincers instead of scissors. Scizor can't rely on its dismal speed, so it uses its eye-patterned pincers instead to swing them and create the illusion that it has three heads. The pincers can crush any hard object to bits (even concrete when Scizor gets a chance to Mega-evolve). And while Scyther barely uses its wings to fly, Scizor is completely incapable of flight. It uses its wings to adjust its body temperature instead, because apparently its steel body can't handle its own hotness, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

Watch out, because Scizor is coming at you!

Competitively, Scizor is a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it is supposed to hit anything with tremendous strength, especially since it has a Mega. And as Scizor isn't very fast to begin with, you might want to max out its massive attack stat by running one with an Adamant nature, while an Impish nature focuses more on Scizor's defensive side. An ideal moveset might consist of Swords Dance, Bullet Punch (STAB and boosted by Technician), Bug Bite (ditto) and Roost for healing purposes. U-Turn can be used to gain momentum, as switching out after doing some damage is better than hard-switching, while Defog removes entry hazards and Knock Off can knock off the foe's item. This move isn't uncommon in competitive play lately, as it has been upgraded from 20 to 65 power since the days of X and Y. It is also capable of learning some fine coverage moves like Night Slash, X-Scissor, Iron Head, Brick Break, Superpower and Acrobatics (has a base power of 55, but this doubles when the user isn't holding an item). Want some Technician-boosted moves instead? Well, how about Aerial Ace? 60 power, never misses. Or Fury Cutter, a rather unreliable move with a base power of 40 that doubles every time it is used, which renders Technician useless most of the time. Metal Claw (50 power), Pursuit (which has 40 power and doubles when the opponent switches out on the turn you use it, in which case Technician doesn't trigger), Double Hit (hits twice for 35 power a pop, and with Technician it hits harder than Return) and Thief (60 power) are moves to consider as well. Don't like Mega Scizor? You can give regular Scizor a Life Orb or a Choice Band and still be good.

I don't know whether this is an action figurine or 3D art of Mega Scizor (the official
art is embedded in the original image for comparison), but it looks awesome! :D

I'd still recommend the first moveset I first mentioned, though, even for Scyther (except Bullet Punch; Scyther doesn't learn it and it should be replaced by Aerial Ace instead). However, a Jolly nature is very common on Scyther, especially combined with a Choice Scarf. It greatly benefits from the Eviolite as well, buffing up its defenses a little while still hitting like a truck. But Scizor's awesomeness can't be denied and that is exactly why I recommend it over Scyther. No, honestly, I fell in love with this thing when Gold and Silver came out and my love for it has only intensified when I saw its Mega form, and that's why it easily gets a perfect rating from me. Go, Scizor!

Rating: 5/5

#439, #122: Mime Jr. & Mr. Mime

James from Team Rocket had a Mime Jr. from seasons 9 to 13. It
is probably using the move Attract in this image or something; I
don't even care. 

Oh my God, I hate clowns. And mimes. They're so fucking creepy.

And they just had to make Pokémon based off of them. Another goddamn baby Pokémon at that, too; like, you have got to be shitting me. As if Mr. Mime actually needed a pre-evolution. Just like any other baby Pokémon (barring Pichu, who can learn Volt Tackle trough breeding, and Togepi and Riolu, whom I consider basic forms rather than baby forms and who were introduced alongside their evolutions Togetic and Lucario in their respective generations), Mime Jr. serves absolutely no purpose other than being a Pokédex filler. Don't get me wrong; I actually like most baby Pokémon design-wise, but they're such pointless additions to the games from Ruby and Sapphire onwards. Breeding was introduced in Gold and Silver and I can live with the likes of Magby and Pichu and such, but baby Pokémon became redundant after that and Game Freak should have just focused on completely new, independent Pokémon not related to Pokémon that already existed and not on the latter's younger and weaker forms. Mime Jr. is one of those redundant babies, and it isn't even a good one in my opinion, because it just looks silly.

Papercraft Mime Jr. and Mr. Mime. NOW GO ON AND TELL ME
THAT MR. MIME ISN'T CREEPY, GODDAMMIT! 

But what is up with this mimicry thing of baby Pokémon in Gen. IV? I noticed that they always try to mimic one thing or another, whether it be their evolution (Happiny), other people or Pokémon (Mime Jr.) or even inanimate objects (Bonsly, whom I will write about when it's Sudowoodo's turn to show up here). Mime Jr. is doing nothing but clowning around, mimicking other people's expressions and motions to understand their feelings or imitating foes in order to create distractions and escape once they are confused. That is so typically a mime thing to do, and that is exactly why I hate those people. And I should prepare to get annoyed some more right now, because I am going on to Mr. Mime; and Mr. Mime (who actually has a 50/50 gender ratio despite its name) is a lot worse than its pre-evolution. Being an excellent pantomime, this Pokémon can solidify air molecules by vibrating its fingertips, creating actual invisible barriers. Don't disturb its act though, because it will slap you to hell and back when you do.

SEE? I KNEW MIMES WERE SECRETLY VIOLENT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Yes. Yes, this is exactly how I see Mr. Mime:
creepy as fuck.

All jokes aside, I'll acknowledge Mr. Mime's utility as a competitive battler. Although the psychic type has lost its appeal a little since the type got nerfed in Gold and Silver, Mr. Mime received a very useful typing in X and Y: fairy (don't ask me why this clown is a fairy type; I don't know and I honestly don't care, either). Unfortunately, its HP and defense aren't all that, but it makes that up with some decent speed and excellent special attack and special defense stats. Besides, it can reduce super-effective damage by ¼ with the Filter ability or it can prevent sound-based moves from having effect on it with the Soundproof ability. Furthermore, Mr. Mime has access to an ability called Technician, with which it can increase moves with a base power of 60 or less by 1.5. In Mr. Mime's case, this could potentially be applied to Confusion, Icy Wind, Shock Wave, Charge Beam, Confusion and Hidden Power, but it is generally better to run another moveset combined with one of the first two abilities I mentioned. Thunderbolt, Future Sight, Signal Beam, Shadow Ball, Psyshock, Energy Ball, Focus Blast, Dazzling Gleam and Psychic are viable options, but usually the last three moves are used. Occasionally, a status move like Nasty Plot (increases Mr. Mime's special attack by two stages) or Healing Wish (lets Mr. Mime faint, but fully heals the next Pokémon coming in) is thrown in for support or setting up. So, what about natures and items? Well, a Timid nature is the best option, but you could go for a Modest nature combined with a Choice Scarf. If that's not your cup of tea, the Choice Specs or a Life Orb are great options, as is an Assault Vest. That increases Mr. Mime's already high special defense by 50%, but only lets it use damaging moves.

Wow, this takes 'creepy' to a whole new level. I know Mr. Mime is exactly that, but
this is almost nightmarish...

Oh God, did I mention that I hate clowns? And mimes? Well, I do. And it's not that I think Mr. Mime is a bad Pokémon per se, but its design and flavor really don't appeal to me.

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' YOUR SHENANIGANS, BITCH!

Ugh, I think Mr. Mime is creepier than most Pokémon with so-called horror Pokédex entries such as Banette, Drifloon or Drowzee and Hypno (and those are only a few of them). I've developed a very, very strong dislike towards this Pokémon that is never ever gonna go away, and I don't think I want it to go away in the first place. I'll probably never hate it as much as I hate Lickilicky and Pelipper, but that won't stop me from giving this motherfucker only 0.5 stars, which is nothing to write home about...

Rating: 0.5/5

#120 - #121: Staryu & Starmie

Nice 'real-life' fan art of Staryu. 

I... I honestly don't know where the hell I have to start with this.

Why, we know that in the anime Misty had both Staryu and Starmie on her team, but we didn't see them all that often because her annoying-ass Psyduck unwelcomingly kept bursting out of its Poké Ball whenever Misty wanted to send them out to battle. Staryu seems to be some sort of weird starfish-like Pokémon with a jewel-like exterior organ called the core, which is held in place by a golden ring around its left 'leg'. The center of Staryu's body is apparently very important, because Staryu can regenerate its body when it's completely torn apart, as long as the core remains intact. This core glows brightest and flickers fastest (with the same rhythm as a human heartbeat) when the sun goes down, when whole flocks of Staryu float to the surface from the seafloors, aligning themselves and communicating with the stars in the night sky.

The star symbol of Inanna/Ishtar; it has Staryu's round core and
shares Starmie's trait of having more appendages. 

Starmie, 'the gem of the sea', is probably even weirder, because it appears to have developed an extra set of semi-attached appendages that are able to spin 360°. Its core shines in the seven different colors of the rainbow and can now emit radio waves that are powerful enough to reach the furtest parts of the universe, which is why it is believed that Starmie are extraterrestrial. People in ancient times even imagined that they were transformed from the reflections of stars that twinkled on the ocean waves at night. However, these are just rumors, and there is absolutely no convincing proof that Starmie come from outer space; maybe they just feel a connection with the stars... or something. If anything, Starmie and its pre-evo are based on the Mesopotamian goddess of love, fertility and warfare, Inanna, who was associated with Venus. That planet was regarded as two stars at that time, the 'morning star' and the 'evening star', which is why Inanna's (and her Akkadian counterpart Ishtar's) symbol is a four-pointed star that looks a lot like Staryu and Starmie combined. At least it leaves some fodder for discussion, but Starmie isn't much of a notorious Pokémon and its descent isn't really discussed often in the Pokémon community.

Starmie emitting multi-colored radio signals to space from what
I assume is the ocean floor.

When Starmie is discussed, however, it's in regard to how to use it in competitive play. There are a few ways to make use of it, but its base special attack stat of 100 makes it an excellent special attacker, especially combined with Choice Specs, a Choice Scarf or a Life Orb and a Timid or Modest nature. Starmie is capable of learning some pretty nifty moves that match its flavor, such as Recover (which is a must-have in the competitive scene), Confuse Ray and Dazzling Gleam. It also learns a variety of attacking moves, like Thunderbolt, Psychic, Surf, Hydro Pump, Scald, Flash Cannon, Ice Beam, Signal Beam, Psyshock, Grass Knot, Rapid Spin (which is often used on Starmie to get rid of entry hazard like Stealth Rock and Toxic Spikes), and even Power Gem if you bother to hold off evolving Staryu for a while. It even knows Reflect Type (also learned as Staryu), a move that changes Starmie's typing to the opponent's, which is handy if you see any super-effective moves coming your way and you want to remove entry hazards or heal up. You're spoiled for choice if you are composing a moveset for Starmie, but also when choosing an ability. Illuminate has no effect in battle and is therefore a worthless ability, but Natural Cure heals Starmie from a non-volatile status condition when you switch it out and Analytic increases the power of a move by 30% if the target has already acted in the same turn. That won't happen very often, as Starmie is fast, but you might as well make use of it. Natural Cure is the more reliable ability, though.

I like Starmie. I think it's weird, but a good kind of weird. It's one of those Pokémon that has a whole lot of mystery behind it (hence its classification as the 'Mysterious Pokémon'), and I think that's what makes it so fun to use, even though its design is not all that. You know what? I'll give it a 4-star rating, just for the heck of it. At least I like it enough to say that it deserves such a high rating, because Starmie is just a good and interesting Pokémon, period.

Rating: 4/5

#118 - #119: Goldeen & Seaking

Some elegant fan art of Goldeen.

It's a fucking goldfish.

You know, I had a goldfish when I was still in elementary school. I named it Seaking, after the Pokémon, and it had about the same color scheme, too. The goddamn thing went bonkers, I'm telling you, starting to swim upside down and all... Jesus Christ. And then it died. All I can say is that I wasn't sad in the slightest, because goldfish are boring, period. Goldeen is no ordinary goldfish though, because ordinary goldfish don't have horns they use to smash their way to freedom if they are kept in an aquarium (although it has to be said that Goldeen and its evolution are probably also based on Matsya, an avatar that the Hindu god Vishnu assumed, which is sometimes depicted as a fish with a horn). I'm also quite sure that the caudal fins of ordinary goldfish aren't admired by many for their beauty because they billow very much like a ball gown. They surely don't have the nickname of the Water Queen because of that, which Goldeen does, even though the gender ratio among Goldeen is an equal 50/50. It swims against the currents of rivers at a steady 5 knots (which is a little under 6 miles per hour), but can also be found in ponds and lakes.

Here we have this beautiful modified art again! 

Its evolution Seaking aren't only capable of swimming against a river's currents, they can travel up waterfalls as well. That is probably the reason why Seaking and Goldeen are the only Pokémon capable of learning the move Waterfall by level-up, in the first generation even before it became an HM move later on. In the autumn, they travel upriver, where male Seaking engage in elaborate courtship dances to woo females (yeah, despite its name, Seaking lives in rivers and its gender ratio is still a fair 50/50). They make their nests in riverbed boulders in order to prevent their spawn from washing away, protecting their offspring with their lives by patrolling the area around their nests. During spawning season, the Seaking gather from all over and make the river turn a brilliant red color, becoming an even brighter and more beautiful red themselves, but despite that, I think Seaking is quite the ugly fish. Look at that mouth, man...

A Seaking deflects Ash's Pikachu's Thunderbolt to Ash's Snorunt
with a Horn Drill in Ash's double battle against Gym Leader
Juan in the anime episode "The Great Eight Fate!"; season 8,
episode 18.

Also ugly are its stats, which are underwhelming at best. At base 92, its attack stat is by far the best, and that would have worked if the rest of its stats had been around 90 as well. Unfortunately that is not the case: while its HP and special defense are an OK base 80, the rest end up under 70, including its speed stat. That doesn't make Seaking very fast. Unless you use it in a rain team, that is, in which case its ability Swift Swim will activate, effectively doubling Seaking's speed. Just make sure you make another of your Pokémon set up the rain, though, because Seaking will need the Choice Band. That item raises its attack by 50% but makes it capable of using only one move until it is switched out. However, you'd do better to ditch the rain bullshit and go straight for the Lightning Rod approach, because Seaking isn't a very good Swift Swim user. Lightning Rod, on the other hand, eliminates one of Seaking's weaknesses: electric. It draws in all electric-type attacks and even gives Seaking a boost in its special attack if it is hit by one. Not that Seaking is going to use that boost, because it is a physical attacker, but one weakness fewer is always nice! As for its moves, Seaking relies on Waterfall. Aqua Tail might be an option, as it is stronger, but it doesn't have a chance to flinch should Seaking outspeed anything and it has lower accuracy. Drill Run, Poison Jab and Megahorn provide excellent type coverage, while Knock Off is used to make the opponent lose its held item during the remainder of the battle. Slap an Adamant nature and a Choice Band on Lightning Rod Seaking to max out its attack (it needs that desperately!) and you might just have a decent Pokémon.

Honestly, I don't mind Goldeen and Seaking, neither do I really have affection for them. I had a Goldeen plushie once, but it wasn't my favorite and I don't think I had it for very long, either. But I don't think that Seaking is the worst Pokémon ever, nor are its design and flavor overly boring; they're moderately interesting, let's put it that way.

Rating: 3.5/5

#116 - #117, #230: Horsea, Seadra & Kingdra

A Horsea with a black eye is issuing a warning by spraying its ink
on the surface of the water in "Tentacool and Tentacruel"; season
1, episode 19. This Horsea would later join Misty's team.

Ahhh, we all know the Horsea Misty caught in the anime episode "Tentacool & Tentacruel", which I discussed in - obviously - Tentacool and Tentacruel's entry.

And by that I mean the anime episode, not Horsea.

Despite the fact that I basically discussed the entire episode in that entry, I mainly focused on the jellyfish and actually didn't mention Horsea once. Still, Horsea - who got injured by Tentacool and Tentacruel off-screen - played an important role in this episode, warning Ash and the others about the approaching danger by creating an image of Tentacool and Tentacruel on the sea's surface with its ink. While the attack is ongoing, Horsea even tries to plead with Tentacruel to stop, unfortunately to no avail. When the raid is over and Nastina still doesn't want to listen, Horsea sprays ink in her face before Tentacruel swats her away with its tentacle. Horsea ultimately decides to join Misty and becomes a faithful member of her team.

Glauert's seadragon, or the leafy seadragon, might have been the
inspiration for Horsea and its evolutions, even though Skrelp and
Dragalge look more like it. Instead, the weedy seadragon might
have been the inspiration for Kingdra, as it's a little less decorative.

Sadly, Horsea's Pokédex entries really aren't anything worth mentioning, as most characteristics match real-life seahorses as well, including the fact that male seahorses - rather than female ones - take the reins in childbirth and raise the young. Much more interesting is the speculation what Horsea is based on. It is classified as the 'Dragon Pokémon' (a typing it doesn't get until it evolves into its final evolution, Kingdra), so it might as well be based on the leafy sea dragon, a seahorse-like marine fish that was more likely the inspiration for the Gen. VI Pokémon Skrelp and Dragalge than for Horsea, but whatevs. A more probable reason why it is classified as such is its Japanese name, Tattu (タッツー), which is a corruption of tatsu, part of the common name for a seahorse in Japanese: tatsu-no-otoshigo, meaning 'illegitimate child of a dragon'. Huh, interesting.

The Horsea family from left to right: Horsea, Seadra and
Kingdra. 

This recurring dragon theme is going to play a bigger role with every evolution, because the English and Japanese names for Horsea's evolution Seadra are exactly the same. The name is a combination of 'seahorse' and 'dragon', and quite honestly, Seadra does look more like a dragon than Horsea. It also gets the Poison Point ability, as its Pokédex entries say that the venom it emits from the sharp, spiky fins on its back is toxic enough to induce fainting in humans, but that its fins and bones are prized among practitioners of traditional herbal medicine. Yet Seadra is neither a poison type nor a dragon type. I assume this has something to do with the Red and Blue game mechanics: there were no dragon-type moves in Gen. I other than Dragon Rage, which deals a fixed 40 damage, and as dragon was only weak to ice and itself, Seadra would have had no real weaknesses because of its ice-resisting water typing. That feature would have made Seadra way too overpowered, and it is probably the reason why Gyarados had (and still has) flying as its secondary type instead of dragon as well.

Now, THIS is an awesome drawing of Kingdra!

Fortunately, in Seadra's case, Game Freak changed that in Gen. II by giving it an evolution that is actually a dual water/dragon type: Kingdra. While Horsea and Seadra's flavor is nothing short of dull, Kingdra has characteristics that's gonna leave your jaw dropped on the goddamn floor. Here goes: Kingdra's yawn is strong enough to create undercurrents capable of destroying small ships. Should it decide to emerge from the depths of the ocean, its strength can create large whirlpools and sea-born tornadoes on the surface. Better yet (or worse, depending on how you look at it), because of its immense power it can create giant whirlpools even when it stirs in the cave it resides in at the very depths of the ocean, where no other Pokémon can survive. It is said to awaken and go wandering about in search for prey when a storm is 'bout to arrive. Kingdra is probably based on the Japanese legend of Ryūjin (or Ryōjin), a dragon god that is said to bear power over the seas of the world, live on the floors of deep bodies of water, and is known for its weather-like ascensions into the heavens. Now, THAT is quite some different shit than Seadra's Pokédex entries, which say that it is only capable of creating whirlpools when it spins its body around in order to catch prey.

Kingdra. Would it just have awoken from a deep slumber?

Such a shame that the method to obtain Kingdra is a little troublesome (you have to trade Seadra to another game while it is holding a Dragon Scale), but at least you'll have a great competitive Pokémon. Right? Well yeah, if you have a physical Kingdra, sure. I mean, its base attack and special attack stats of 95 are exactly the same and its entire learnset is solely special, but Kingdra has access to a great status move: Dragon Dance. This move raises its attack and speed by one stage each, so don't let it set up very often, because it'll turn into a speedy powerhouse before you know it. It is even somewhat of a tank, because its base defense and special defense stats of 95 and HP stat of 75 are nothing to sneeze at, either. And it learns just enough physical moves to be of use: Waterfall has a chance to flinch, Outrage is a strong, indispensable dragon-type move (be cautious, because you will be locked into this move for two or three turns), and Iron Head provides perfect coverage against fairy types, to which Kingdra has a weakness. Combine it with a Jolly nature, a Life Orb, Scope Lens (increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio) or Lum Berry (heals whichever status condition) as a held item, and the ability Sniper. That ability, like the Scope Lens, increases the critical hit ratio of Kingdra's moves. You can even ditch Iron Head and go for Focus Energy, which - you guessed it - increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio.

More Kingdra fan art.

As for the rest of its abilities: Damp is its hidden ability and is used to prevent weather conditions from taking effect, which is purely situational, while Swift Swim is mainly used when composing a rain team. In that case, Kingdra would work out great with a special moveset consisting of Hydro Pump, Draco Meteor, Ice Beam and Rain Dance. Flash Cannon is a great move for coverage against, yet again, fairy types, and Scald can be used to try and burn the foe. Usually, a Timid or Modest nature is required with such a set, and when you give it Choice Specs or a Life Orb to hold, you'll have a very, very decent special-attacking Kingdra. You can even go the diverse way and slap a Rash, Mild, Naive or Hasty nature on it to create a mixed attacker. Just make sure you don't put Kingdra up against a Pokémon with Freeze-Dry, because this ice-type move hits water types super-effectively (usually, water resists ice), which effectively makes Kingdra four times weak to it.

As you can read, Kingdra leaves you spoiled for choice. I quite like this Pokémon, and I definitely like it more than its pre-evolutions. I mean, Horsea is cute and all, but not very interesting. Neither is Seadra, for that matter. Kingdra all the way! Well, not all the way, but definitely more than halfway...

Rating: 4/5

#115: Kangaskhan

Mother hen and her cute little baby.

Remember the Zimbabwean lion Cecil, who was killed last year by a guy named Walter Palmer, an American dentist who kills big game just for sport?

Yeah, apparently mankind is as cruel in the Pokémon world as in real life.

You see, Kangaskhan were nearly hunted to extinction, until somebody was so smart to pass a bill that stated that they should be protected. And they are being protected now, but they are a very rare species only found in the Safari Zone. Well, that was the case in Red, Blue and Yellow at least; in later games you could still find them in one area or another, even though their encounter rate was still somewhat low (never higher than 10%). And considering Kangaskhan will always protect the baby in its pouch at all costs, even sleeping standing up so as to not crush its young, it is plausible to think that it was rather difficult to hunt, equal to the Big Five (a term coined by big-game hunters to refer to the African lion, Cape buffalo, African leopard, African elephant and black and white rhinoceros, for their difficulty to hunt on foot). It's interesting how some Pokémon's characteristics are serious fodder for discussion, as they sometimes represent issues that are problematic in the real world as well. In the case of hunting, they show how cruel, rotten and corrupt humans can sometimes be; in other cases, such as pollution, they show how neglectful, ignorant and selfish humans mostly are. It definitely leaves some food for thought...

Official art of Mega Kangaskhan by Ken Sugimori. Only the
child's appearance has changed; it looks more like its mother now,
including its eyes, armor-like patches on its knees and spiky tail.

Anyway, Kangaskhan. Its name is a contraction of kangaroo and Genghis Khan, the founder of the Mongol Empire, despite the species being exclusively female. On the other hand, Kangaskhan's design shows some elements of Mongolian laminar armor, so combine that with how violently protective Kangaskhan is of its child and the name makes much more sense. No matter how badly injured Kangaskhan becomes, the mother will not cease fighting until its young is safe, except in its Mega form. That's right, Kangaskhan has had a Mega evolution ever since X and Y came out, and it's probably the quaintest one, as Kangaskhan itself didn't get a change in its appearance like the rest of the Mega evolutions did; instead, the child in its pouch grows and gets to battle with its mother. That kinda contradicts Kangaskhan's flavor, as it is so protective of its child and the latter barely even leave its mother's pouch until it is three years old (I doubt even Pokémon grow as fast as demonstrated by Kangaskhan's Mega evolution's young, aside from regular evolution), but let's not be finicky about that. I mean, a Mega is nothing more than a battle mechanic to make a Pokémon stronger and, hopefully, more useful. Moreover, one characteristic of Mega Kangaskhan does make sense: the child is feisty, hates to lose and will boldly challenge its opponents to protect its mother. All of the mother's nurturing is finally paying off: baby loves its mama!

Mother Kangaskhan pulling her baby out of her pouch, getting
ready for battle (Mega Kangaskhan).

Besides, Mega Kangaskhan has a nifty new signature ability that perfectly matches its flavor: Parental Bond. This ability makes moves that Kangaskhan uses two-strike moves, with the second strike being half as strong as the first; one could see that as the child attacking after its parent. What's more: any secondary effects, such as the attack raise from Power-Up Punch, occur twice, and priority moves like Fake Out and Sucker Punch can easily be abused. There are even other effects, such as each strike having a separate chance to get a critical hit, that are so overpowered that Mega Kangaskhan resides in the Uber tier (where most OP legendary Pokémon like Lugia, Kyogre and Zekrom can be found). It is just too strong for normal tiers like OU, UU, RU and NU, especially since its base attack stat is already a powerful 125 (before applying abilities), while its base speed stat of 100 is nothing to sneeze at, either.

This is a very nice drawing of Kangaskhan!

For battles in a normal tier, I'd recommend using a regular Kangaskhan holding a regular item, preferably a Life Orb, Choice Band or Assault Vest, or maybe even a Silk Scarf if you want to run Double-Edge and don't want to take additional damage from a Life Orb. Jolly or Adamant is the preferred nature, while Scrappy (makes Kangaskhan hit ghost-type Pokémon with normal- and fighting-type moves, which ghost types are usually resistant to) is the most useful ability. Early Bird causes Kangaskhan to wake up earlier than usual, but that ability is merely situational and might not be of use. Inner Focus, however, prevents flinching, which might not be a bad idea if you suspect a Fake Out abuser or a Pokémon with the Serene Grace ability; still, Scrappy is the best ability to go with. As for Kangaskhan's moveset, this Pokémon learns a shitload of useful moves, most notably Double-Edge, Return and Fake Out, normal-type moves that it obtains STAB from. Crunch, Rock Slide, Outrage, Earthquake, Sucker Punch, Brick Break, Shadow Claw, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail are options as well. And it's a shame Kangaskhan doesn't get the Iron Fist ability, because it is able to lean Comet Punch (which is terrible, actually), Mega Punch (you're better off with Return), Dizzy Punch (mediocre, but has a chance to confuse the opponent), Hammer Arm, Focus Punch (only works reliably in conjunction with Substitute), the elemental punches, and Drain Punch. Especially the latter is nice, because it is a reliable source of healing for Kangaskhan. All of these moves are great options depending on what Pokémon you're gonna face and what kind of Kangaskhan you want to use.

TCG wallpaper of Mega Kangaskhan.

Kangaskhan is probably one of the few stand-alone Gen. I Pokémon that didn't get an evolution or a pre-evolution (Mega-evolving doesn't count, because it is temporary), the other ones being Farfetch'd, Pinsir, Tauros and Lapras. And quite honestly, Farfetch'd is the only one who actually needed an evolution but didn't get it. It's too bad Game Freak made Mega Kangaskhan way too overpowered by giving it the most broken ability ever. Kangaskhan needed a little love, but there is such a thing as giving it too much love, I guess. Nevertheless, Kangaskhan is an amazing, versatile Pokémon to use competitively. However, because of balancing problems (its Mega is too OP and its regular form falls a little short stat-wise, which is why it resides in the NU tier) I am unwilling to give it a perfect rating, even though I still love this Pokémon. 4.5 stars should do, right?

Rating: 4.5/5

#114, #465: Tangela & Tangrowth

Old official art of Tangela by Ken Sugimori.

Tangela and Tangrowth... I have no idea what to think of these strange Pokémon. Nobody knows what their vine-covered bodies look like, and apparently nobody seems to take the trouble to find out. Tangela does exactly what you expect it to do: entangle victims when they move too close to them, constantly jiggling its vines so as to deter herbivores that might mistake it for a shrub. Tangela's seaweed-like, ever-growing vines (and Tangrowth's arms, with which it entangles and catches prey, for that matter) will snap off easily and painlessly if the target pulls on them or eat them and grow back almost immediately, which indicates that - at least in Tangela's case - the ensnaring is only a defense mechanism in order to scare off intruders and potential predators. This suggests that their vines are frail, which is contradicted by game mechanics, as Tangela and its evolution Tangrowth are extremely (physically) defensive Pokémon. It would seem logical that Tangela and Tangrowth's vines protect them from severe harm.

Fan art of Tangela (right) and Tangrowth (left). 

That great defense stat comes into handy in competitive play, for both Tangela and Tangrowth. As is the case with Chansey (see previous post), Tangela benefits greatly from the Eviolite, which raises its defense and special defense by 50%. That will help Tangela to take even a couple of special hits. It does not have Chansey's massive HP stat, though, so it is easier to wear down with special moves than Chansey is with physical moves. And while Tangela does rely heavily on the Eviolite, it is not uncommon for some players to run a Modest one with EV training in its base 100 special attack and an offensive moveset consisting of Leaf Storm, Giga Drain, either Hidden Power or Ancient Power, and Sleep Powder to put the foe to sleep. Sludge Bomb is an option as well, to hit grass and fairy types. However, more common are Bold Tangela with EV investment in HP and defense, which emphasize Tangela's endurance and physically defensive character. Especially with the moves Toxic and Synthesis, the latter of which heals half of Tangela's HP, and its hidden ability Regenerator, which heals ⅓ of Tangela's HP when it is switched out, you can make Tangela last for a long time.

TCG art of Tangrowth.

Tangrowth, which can be obtained by leveling up Tangela while it knows Ancient Power (which is in my opinion the dumbest method ever), seems redundant when you have such a useful pre-evolution, but it actually has its uses, especially due to its access to Knock Off. While Tangela's attack stat is nothing to write home about, Tangrowth's base attack and special attack are roughly the same; they're at 100 and 110, respectively. As a result, Tangrowth can be used in plenty of different ways: an all-out physical offensive one with Power Whip, Knock Off, Earthquake, and either Rock Slide or Poison Jab, holding either a Life Orb or a Choice Band; an all-out specially offensive one with Leaf Storm, Focus Blast, Sludge Bomb and Giga Drain, holding either Choice Specs or a Life Orb; a specially defensive mixed attacker with a Brave, Quiet or Sassy nature, holding an Assault Vest (raises Tangrowth's special defense by 50%, which it may need), so it focuses on both defense and offense; and a physically defensive physical or mixed attacker with Leftovers and either a Bold or Relaxed nature, respectively. It is so versatile, but because its physical movepool is better and more useful than its special movepool, I lean more towards a physical Tangrowth. At all times, its ability should be Regenerator, just like Tangela's. The other two, Leaf Guard and Chlorophyll, only work well on a sun team.

While these two Pokémon definitely have their uses, I am not too fond of them. Tangela is alright, but Tangrowth is yet another of these weird Gen. IV evolutions, although I have to say that I don't hate it and that it's not near as bad as Magnezone and definitely not as bad as Lickilicky and Probopass.

Rating: 3/5

#440, #113, #242: Happiny, Chansey & Blissey

I have to admit this is some fine 3D fan art of Happiny, though.

Ugh. More fat, pink Pokémon... Just what we needed, right?

Nope.

At least, not Happiny. You know what Happiny is good for? Absolutely nothing, because practically everything about Happiny is nothing more than downright terrible. Its stats are absolutely booty; it is even tied with Chansey for the lowest base attack and defense of all Pokémon, both at 5. Even its pretty good 100 base HP won't make up for its low defensive stats and an Eviolite isn't gonna save them, either. Meh. Furthermore, its classification as the 'Playhouse Pokémon' really doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever, while its design bothers me to no end. It's so ridiculous. I mean... it looks like an infant wearing a pink diaper, complete with an egg-shaped toy. Well, that's where its annoying characteristics come into play: it is bothered by how curly its hair looks, it has a habit of being in the way of people and causing them to trip as a result of that, and it is always carrying an egg-shaped rock with it because it desperately wants to be a Chansey. That is sad. And not in a good way. Its Pokédex entries never mention anything like a playhouse either, which makes its classification even more confusing.

I'm still bothered by baby Pokémon like Happiny. I mean, they're so incredibly unnecessary...

In the anime, Chansey are often seen as Nurse Joy's assistants in
Pokémon Centers. 

Fortunately, though, it is easy to evolve Happiny into Chansey: just give it an Oval Stone to hold and level it up during the day. And do it fast, because Chansey is much better than its pre-evolution. Wait, wait, wait, I am moving way too fast now; I'll discuss Chansey's battle skills later. Let's take a look at its Pokédex entries first. Chansey is a rare and elusive Pokémon, but it is also gentle and kind-harted and will bring happiness and luck to those who manage to catch it. It will share its succulent and nutritious eggs, which it lays on a daily basis, with an injured human or Pokémon if it sees one. The eggs become even more delicious when Chansey is treated with love and care; so delicious, in fact, that even people who have lost their appetite devour them easily and eagerly. Its healing powers and caring nature make it an excellent nurse, which is why Nurse Joy is always assisted by a Chansey whenever Ash walks into a goddamn Pokémon Center (of course, Gen. V doesn't know what a Chansey is, so Unova Joys are assisted by Audino instead).

Fan art of Chansey happily giving Pachirisu an injection.

This whole healer thing is important, because that is exactly what Chansey is used for in the competitive scene. Yeah, well, its attack and defense are still booty (they're the same as Happiny's), but it has great special defense and a MASSIVE base HP stat of no less than 250. Two hundred and fucking fifty. Only Blissey, Chansey's evolution, has a higher HP stat, but it is higher by only five base points. As Chansey's special defense is high enough already, most players run a Chansey with a Bold nature and EV investment in HP and defense. Give it an Eviolite, a held item that raises a yet-to-evolve Pokémon's defense and special defense by 50%, and you have an ultimate wall. It means that Chansey can take a few physical hits, despite its dreadfully low defense stat. Unfortunately, Chansey has no attacking power, which means it will have to rely on a moveset consisting of Soft-Boiled (heals its HP by half), Seismic Toss (deals damage equal to the user's level), Heal Bell (all Pokémon in the user's party are cured of their non-volatile status conditions, if they have any), and either Toxic or Thunder Wave in order to cripple the opponent with a status effect.

The Chansey family: Happiny (on top of Chansey), Chansey itself (left) and Blissey
(right), with Nurse Joy in the background. 

There are other options, though. Counter is a decreased-priority move that hits for twice the physical damage done to Chansey on that turn, which may be an option, while Thunderbolt, Ice Beam and Flamethrower are viable options if you want to hit ghost-type Pokémon, who are unaffected by Seismic Toss (and Counter, for that matter). Wish can only be obtained by using a special event Chansey that was distributed from December 16, 2004 to January 2, 2005 to any Gen. III game. You probably don't have one, and quite honestly it is not worth the hassle. Do make sure your Chansey has Natural Cure as its ability though, which heals any status condition it has upon switching out. Its hidden ability Healer has a 30% chance of curing an adjacent ally's status condition, so this only comes in handy when you're participating in double battles. And while Chansey also has the Serene Grace ability and its very own held item called the Lucky Punch, both of which raise its critical hit ratio, this combination is actually not a good idea to use considering Chansey's poor offensive presence.

Old official art of Blissey.

So, what about Blissey? Well, its flavor is pretty much the same as Chansey's, with the only difference being the effects of its eggs: eating a Blissey egg will bring happiness to a sad person and makes someone unfailingly caring and pleasant to everyone. Blissey evolves from Chansey when leveled up with high friendship, which means it is a fully-evolved Pokémon. As a result, Blissey cannot use the Eviolite (it depends on Leftovers instead), which sucks because it needs that item. Its base 10 defense might be slightly better than Chansey's, but it is still very, very poor, especially when you consider that Chansey can make use of the Eviolite to make up for its terrible physical defense. Therefore, Blissey resides in a lower tier than Chansey (UU, underused, rather than OU, overused), but that doesn't mean it is bad. On the contrary, Blissey has even higher special defense and special attack stats (along with a slightly better HP stat, but that doesn't really make much difference), which means it is capable of tanking special hits and hitting the opponent with at least some power. However, Blissey is often used in the same way as Chansey is, with the same nature, EV spread and stalling moveset used by its pre-evolution. Besides, its special attack is only mediocre and is really nothing to write home about, so it's probably a good thing using Blissey as a special wall rather than a special attacker.

All in all, it's too bad Game Freak had to introduce Happiny, because that Pokémon is ridiculous and redundant and has hardly any use, in-game as well as competitively. Chansey and Blissey are amazing Pokémon to use if you know what you're doing, however, so you won't see a bad rating on this page by any means. Yes, I know that they're pink, cute and fluffy, but I like them nonetheless.

Rating: 3.5/5