#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5

#240, #126, #467: Magby, Magmar & Magmortar

Old art of Maby (left) versus Magby's current art (right). As you
can see, Magby does not have visible nostrils. 

Magby may look like an cute little critter, but you should be cautious around this thing, as its body temperature is an incredibly high 1,100°F because of a magma-like substance flowing through its body, and it can spit flames of around the same temperature. Even when it inhales and exhales, hot embers drip from its mouth and nostrils (which nostrils, though?). However, when it is fatigued, the temperature of the flames decreases and black smoke is mixed in with the flames. It is said to herald a volcanic eruption when large numbers of this Pokémon gather. Yes, I know Magby is a baby Pokémon, but it is one of four babies I'm actually not bothered with for a change, the other ones being Pichu, Tyrogue and Elekid (and I explained why in Electabuzz and Electivire's entry). Magby is just an adorable little fuck, and sometimes I'm just a sucker for cute Pokémon. In the entry that I previously mentioned, I also said that Electabuzz always appealed to me more than Magmar, Magby's evolution, but that is not the case anymore. I do think Magmar got a shitty evolution in Gen. IV, though, but I'll get to that later on.

Mamar's original official art on a TCG card. 

If anything, Magmar is hotter than Electabuzz. And I mean that quite literally: Magmar's body temperature is nearly 2,200°F, which is double Magby's temperature. Ash's Pokédex in the anime compares its body with a furnace, describing it as a living inferno. In fact, its Pokédex entry in Pokémon Silver states that the surface of its body gives off a wavering and rippling glare that is similar to the sun, and its breath can create heat waves that ignite surrounding grass and trees. But it is impossible to get close to the sun, so how are you supposed to get in the vicinity of a Magmar? I know that Pokémon are shown to control whatever special abilities they have, but this characteristic is being presented as if it's something Magmar cannot control. Anyway, you want more proof of Magmar's superiority? Well, Magmar is shown to block electric-type attacks with a wall of hot air in the anime, whereas Electabuzz cannot do such a thing with fire-type attacks. And, as if it wasn't already really obvious, Magmar lives in active volcanoes and whenever it gets injured, it can just dip its body in lava and heal its wounds that way. Like, instantly. It does dislike cold environments, though, as it gets dopey and sluggish (similar to a cold-blooded animal), which it solves by spewing flames to make the environment more suitable to its needs.

Fan art of Magmar getting ready to Fire Punch someone in the face.

Unfortunately, Magmar got an evolution in Diamond and Pearl. To keep up with the trend, Magmortar (it is a cool name, though) can reach even higher body temperatures and it even launches fireballs of over 3,600°F from its cannon-like arms. Its breath always sears and sizzles, and when blasting those goddamn fireballs away, its body takes on a whitish glow from the intense heat. All that sounds really awesome, but Magmortar's design is just too weird for me to actually like it. Its pink mouth, legs and back spikes look so out of sync with the red-and-yellow body it has, as well as Magby and Magmar's colors. Besides, its big main body is so disproportionate to the small size of its head and legs that it's just not funny. AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ITS MOUTH? With that grin from ear to ear (literally, even though Magmortar does not have visible ears), it looks like the Joker from Batman, but not in a good way. I am constantly trying to like this thing, but every time I see it I'm like, 'Meh, this such a stupid evolution.'

Fan art of shiny Magby and Magmar.

And as I'm searching for info about its origin, I'm shaking my head over and over again. It just doesn't make sense to me. Magby and Magmar seem to be a combination between a duck and an iguana, especially given the fact that they have some features that can be traced back to iguanas, but they are most likely based on the Japanese Hindu-Buddhist myth of the karura, a divine creature with a human torso and a bird-like head that can breathe fire. Sounds familiar, right? Well, it's similar to how Electabuzz is most likely based on the oni, which is often depicted as an ugly horned ogre but is believed to be a divine creature that has control over thunder and lightning. With those cannons and large body size, Magmortar looks nothing like a karura anymore; it still has some iguana-like features for sure, but the bird-like traits have completely gone and I just think of it as a fire-blasting lizard. There is one thing I actually like about it, and that is its shiny form, even though Magmar has the exact same shiny coloration as Magmortar does. Instead of red and yellow, they are a dark and light pink color, which is actually kind of awesome (Magby's shiny coloration, on the other hand, is an unimpressive sickly orange).

Fan art of Magmortar about to wreck house. 

But both Magmar and Magmortar are viable competitively, at least that cannot be denied. Magmar benefits from the Eviolite, as it buffs up its defenses, so this item is recommended for sure. As regards its stats, Magmar possesses some really good attack and special attack, very decent speed, and some medicore defenses (hence I recommend the Eviolite). Its special attack is a little bit higher than its attack, but only by a small margin, so both are perfectly usable. If you want to focus on the special-based side of the attacking spectrum, I'd use a Timid Magmar with Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Psychic and Focus Blast, but it can even learn some nifty status moves like Confuse Ray, Will-O-Wisp, Substitute and Clear Smog (eliminates the opposing Pokémon's stat changes). As for physical attacks, it can learn moves like Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Brick Break, Power-Up Punch, Cross Chop, Flare Blitz, Iron Tail, Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Mach Punch and Dual Chop. It gets an egg move that comes in handy when running a physical, Jolly-natured Magmar: Belly Drum, which halves its HP but maximizes its attack. It's risky, but if you can pull it off, you'll have a Magmar that hits like a truck. And if you want to mix things up move-wise, you can always slap a Hasty nature on Magmar; it'll let it have some more diversity at that as well.

Magmortar (right) and its electric-type counterpart Electivire (left).

Magmortar works completely differently, though: it loses some speed but gains a whole ton of special attack. Sadly, at base 95 its base physical attack remains the same as Magmar's, which renders it less useful than you'd think (although you can still use the Belly Drum trick to surprise opponents, but now with Earthquake and Rock Slide). In order to immediately let Magmortar hit the foe as hard as possible, it is recommended to max out its special attack with a beneficial nature, preferably Modest or Rash, and give it a Life Orb. It also has access to Thunderbolt, a powerful special-based electric-type move that Magmar doesn't get, so definitely use that. Want to create some bulk? Magmortar has some decent special defense and HP, so you could let it wear an Assault Vest while still doing massive damage due to its already-high special attack. Lastly, Magmar and Magmortar share the same ability with the Elekid line: Vital Spirit, which prevents them from falling asleep. Handy. Flame Body, which has a chance to burn the foe when they make direct contact with Magmortar, should usually be left alone, as it's inferior to Vital Spirit.

In the end, Magmar is a great Pokémon, design-wise and competitively, while its evolution Magmortar is not. Well, at least not design-wise. In fact, I like Magmar more than Electabuzz, but the latter got an awesome evolution in Gen. IV, whereas Magmar definitely did not. So, much like I did with Magneton and Magnezone, I am going to rate Magmar and Magmortar separately. I apologize to Magmortar fans, but I think Game Freak should have left Magmar alone, or at least given its evolution a better design.

Rating Magmar: 4.5/5

Rating Magmortar: 2.5/5

#239, #125, #466: Elekid, Electabuzz & Electivire

Oh hey, look at that: another baby Pokémon!

Actually, there are four baby Pokémon I am not particularly bothered with: Pichu because it is able to obtain Volt Tackle as an egg move, Tyrogue due to its three possible evolutions, Elekid because it's cool, and then Magby because it's so friggin' adorable. You'll find Magby again in my next entry, so let's focus on Elekid right now.

Fan art of an Elekid leaving its Trainer in shock. Then again, that
is probably the kid's intention. 

Elekid is a cool little dude who likes to play out in the most vicious thunderstorms, which is one source of charging electricity for it, the other one being rotating its arms. The thing is that Elekid actually tires easily, so its best defense mechanism is a weak current flowing between its prong-like horns that shocks unwary people who try to pet it. That's as interesting as it gets, unfortunately, but at least it is able to evolve into a great Pokémon: Electabuzz. And unlike its pre-evolved form, Electabuzz is not so sweet. It is an agressive Pokémon prone to heated competition, and Electabuzz will compete with one another in order to determine which one is capable of attaining the highest ground during torrential thunderstorms, so to get struck by a lightning bolt. The Electabuzz won't even get harmed; they will simply absorb the electricity, which is why they are often used as an alternative to lightning rods in urban areas. It won't come as a surprise that Electabuzz can store insane amounts of electricity in its body, which it constantly discharges, so coming too close to it will make your hair stand on end. Indeed, it even feeds on electricity generated by power plants, which can cause major blackouts in cities.

Pikachu crying over his broken ketchup bottle in "Showdown at Dark City"; season
1, episode 42. In said episode, two rivaling unofficial Pokémon Gyms, Yas and Kaz,
seek official status, but the situation gets out of hand. Ketchup, of all things, makes
an end to Scyther and Electabuzz's destructive tantrums, causing the two Pokémon
to start fighting each other.

By the way, I forgot to mention this in Scyther's entry, but as demonstrated in episode 42 of the first season of the anime series ("Showdown at Dark City"), both Scyther and Electabuzz are enraged by the color red. In this episode, they become violent when they get ketchup in their eyes and start razing entire Dark City to the ground. This characteristic is nowhere to be found in their respective Pokédex entries, however, and I personally think it was just made up as an excuse for including the infamous recurring gag of a ketchup-worshiping Pikachu.

Above: old official art of Electabuzz.
Below: Electabuzz's current art.
Both are drawn by Ken Sugimori. 

Anyway, Electabuzz is not the final stage of the evolution line: it got an evolution in the fourth generation. By giving Electabuzz an Electirizer and trade it to another game, Electivire can be obtained. And Electivire is a ferocious fighter: it pushes the tips of its two tails onto the foe, then lets loose with over 20,000 volts of electricity. Blue sparks begin to crackle between its horns as its electric charge amplifies. Sadly, that's about it when it comes to Electivire's Pokédex entries, but there is always the question, "What the hell was the inspiration for Elekid and its evolutions?" Well, Game Freak decided to go with the theme of electrical devices, although this is only the case with Elekid and Electivire; Electabuzz already existed, of course, and this thing is most probably based on the Japanese myth of the oni, some kind of horned ogre with tusks that wears tiger-skin loinclothes and is sometimes depicted as a god of lightning and thunder. Game Freak kept the tigerprint on Elekid and Electivire, but they look nothing like ogres: Elekid is kind of humanoid rather than reptilian and is based on an American and Japanese plug, while Electivire has traits of an ape and wears a mark on its back that resembles a power socket. Additionally, the horns on its head might be based off of Tesla coils. These are invented, as the name so eloquently suggests, by the Serbian American physicist and electrical engineer Nikola Tesla, and they are used to produce high voltages at low currents. Tesla used them for his experiments in electrical lighting, phosphorescence, X-ray generation, wireless energy transmission and electrotherapy, among other things, but their modern-day use is for entertainment and educational displays.

Wow, I'm being quite the teacher here. Heh.

Electivire in the anime.

Let's move on to the competitive use for Electabuzz and Electivire, shall we? Interestingly, Electabuzz prefers to fight using special-based moves, while Electivire is more of a physical attacker. Contrary to Electivire, there is only one way to go with Electabuzz: special. Its attack stat is actually not that bad, at least not for in-game purposes, but it is mediocre and it should not be used in the competitive scene. Its defenses aren't all that, especially not its defense stat, but as Electabuzz is still able to evolve, you can just slap the Eviolite on it to create a little bulk. A moveset consisting of Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Focus Blast and Hidden Power (the type varies on IVs, so you figure out yourself which type of Hidden Power you want) is recommended, although you can ditch Hidden Power for Psychic, Flamethrower or Signal Beam for a little type coverage. Electivire has the same amount of special attack as Electabuzz, but it got a lot of physical attack upon evolution for some reason, making it a fast physical attacker (although slightly slower than Electabuzz). Its access to Earthquake helps it a lot and therefore this move should be a must-have for it, as are Wild Charge and Ice Punch or Fire Punch. Also, I wonder why Electivire isn't a fighting type, because it has access to some amazing fighting-type moves, which I will list here for you to pick some from them should you so desire to use a few: Brick Break, Cross Chop (slightly inaccurate), Dynamic Punch (very inaccurate, should be avoided), Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Hammer Arm (awesome!), Low Kick, Power-Up Punch (rather weak, but increases Electivire's attack by one stage every time it is used), some weaker moves that aren't worth mentioning, and even Focus Blast on the special side of the attacking spectrum. Iron Tail, though inaccurate, is a viable option, as is Rock Slide. An egg move that may come in handy is the psychic-type move Meditate, which increases Electivire's attack stat by one stage, although you can just use Power-Up Punch for that while you still do a bit of damage.

Eerie fan art of Electivire.

Of course, natures, abilities and items are as important as moves, as they have a beneficial effect and can turn the odds in your favor. Electabuzz comes equipped with either the Static or Vital Spirit ability. Static has a chance of paralyzing the opponent when they make direct contact with Electabuzz, although you can just paralyze the foe with Thunder Wave if you wanna go that way; Vital Spirit is very much preferred over Static, as it prevents Electabuzz from falling asleep. That might come in handy against Pokémon that rely on sleep-inflicting moves like Spore, Sing, Hypnosis and Sleep Powder. Running a Timid nature is recommended to get the most out of Electabuzz's excellent speed stat, although a Modest nature works well with a Choice Scarf (but you won't get the defensive boost from the Eviolite!). Electivire also has Vital Spirit, but it might have Motor Drive when you evolve it from a Static Electabuzz. That ability gives it an immunity to electric-type attacks and boosts its speed when it is hit by one, too. Either ability is fine for it. Lastly, Electivire benefits from a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb or Choice Band/Choice Scarf to hold.

I was always more fond of Electabuzz than of Magmar, Electabuzz's fire-type counterpart, and Gen. IV was very kind to it. Electivire is one of the better evolutions from previous-generation Pokémon, and that can't exactly be said about Magmortar. I never used Electivire, but I am definitely planning to do so if that choice presents itself.

Rating: 4.5/5

#238, #124: Smoochum & Jynx

Is it just me and my dirty mind, or is this genius piece of TCG art
a tad bit provocative? "Ayo gurrrl, show me dat booty!"

First Hitmontop, now Smoochum?

Goddamn, Game Freak must have liked them medieval bowl cuts back then...

Well, you know my opinion about baby Pokémon by now, don't you? So I don't have to tell you what I think about Smoochum, even though I don't particularly hate its design. Too bad its flavor is so incredibly boring though, because there is absolutely nothing about it that is remotely interesting, aside from the fact that Smoochum uses its thick, sensitive lips to identify and examine objects that it sees for the first time. So it's clumsy? Who cares, so am I. So it's vain? Yeah, me too. Jynx is a whole other matter. It likes to wiggle rythmically with its hips while it walks, so it already knew what it had to do with that big fat butt before Jason Derulo even sang about it; and on top of that, it alters the rhythm of its moving hips depending on how it is feeling. Its bouncingly alluring motions can make other people compelled to shake their hips with it without giving any thought to what they are doing. Jynx also talks in a strange, incomprehensible language that sounds human, but it is impossible to tell what it is trying to say and research is still being carried out to decipher its words.

Jynx as seen in the off-season anime episode
"Holiday Hi-Jynx", which was intended to be
the 39th episode but was rescheduled
following the seizures that "Electric Soldier
Porygon" caused to Japanese children.

However, that is not what makes Jynx so interesting. What's interesting is that, even 'til today, Jynx has been notorious for being a very controversial figure, within the fan base as well as outside. You see, Jynx originally had a black skin color combined with thick lips, which caused one Carole Boston Weatherford to complain that Jynx was a negative racial stereotype of African-Americans after she saw the episode "Holiday Hi-Jynx". Weatherford's complaint has caused many repercussions in the Pokémon franchise, starting with the alterations of Jynx's sprites in the Western releases of Gold and Silver. Its design has gradually changed since then, in all possible media: from the games and the anime to the TCG art and the manga (its skin was changed from a deep black to a dark gray, so to suggest that Jynx are purple). From Ruby and Sapphire onwards, Jynx's official sprites have been purple rather than black, even in Japan. The 41st episode of the fifth season of the anime, "The Ice Cave!" (English translation of the Japanese title), was skipped in its entirety in the English dub because Jynx still had its original skin color and, above all, played an important role in the episode. Also, it is said that another reason that the episode was banned was because Brock got really sick in it, suffering from a cold with symptoms that looked like SARS, a disease that caused an epidemic at the time, especially in China. However, this was dismissed as bullshit a short while after that, because the episode aired in China without causing any problems or controversy and because Jynx made a cameo appearance in the 13th episode of the sixth season, "All Things Bright and Beautifly!", that was cut from the English dub because of its black skin color. Only from the 23rd episode of season 8 onwards did Jynx's redesign appear in the anime, and it was the first time that Jynx was shown in the flesh in America since "Holiday Hi-Jynx".

But it doesn't end there.

Left: Jynx's original official art. Right: Jynx's current official art.
Both are created by Ken Sugimori.

Following the controversy surrounding Jynx's racial aspects, it is often discussed within the Pokémon fandom what it is based on. To this day, it is still not clear what Jynx is supposed to represent, although the fact that it is depicted as Santa's helper in "Holiday Hi-Jynx" might be a reference to the Dutch folklore character of Zwarte Piet (pronunciation: zwar-tuh peet), meaning Black Pete or Black Peter. Zwarte Pieten are men in blackface and frilly seventeenth-century clothing that accompany Sinterklaas, a corruption of Sint-Nicolaas (Saint Nicholas) of Myra, Anatolia. This patron saint of children had a reputation of being very generous and handing out gifts, particularly leaving coins in strangers' shoes. This led to several myths and traditions of gift-giving in some European countries, mostly on his feast day somewhere in December. Sinterklaas can be seen as the Dutch equivalent of Santa Claus; in fact, modern-day Santa is directly derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas. There's only one huge difference here: Santa's little helpers are usually elves, while Sinterklaas' companions are Zwarte Pieten. Also, Sinterklaas doesn't have reindeers pulling a sleigh; instead, he travels to the Netherlands by steamboat and rides a white horse called Amerigo (named after the Italian explorer and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci; in Flanders the horse is called Slecht-Weer-Vandaag, meaning 'bad weather today') while in our country.

Zwarte Piet has become very controversial in the Netherlands lately, because of
his black-as-soot face. 

In recent years, Zwarte Piet has become a controversial figure in the Netherlands, mainly because he is thought to be a racist caricature, which has led to the introduction of alternate- and multi-colored Pieten participating in some sinterklaasoptochten ('Sinterklaas parades') held throughout the country. Most Dutch people, myself included, are displeased with this change and are like, "Hands off of our tradition", but the Sinterklaas holidays are undergoing a change and it seems to be inevitable that Zwarte Piet will soon be nothing more than a figure in our history books. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist by any means. In fact, I don't think Zwarte Piet is black by nature. Little children believe Zwarte Pieten enter their house by using the chimney, leaving candy in their shoes every few days (usually chocolate coins) until sinterklaasavond ('Sinterklaas evening') arrives, on which children get a moderate pile of presents. Zwarte Pieten are supposed to represent chimney sweeps covered in soot, although it's actually Santa himself who has adopted the tradition of going through the chimney, only without the dirty face. Admittedly, the idea of Zwarte Pieten being chimney sweeps has been executed quite terribly, especially considering the Netherlands' past with slavery.

The yamanba side of the fashion style called ganguro. This girl
scares me more than Jynx does. 

Anyway, there are a few other figures who may be the inspiration for Jynx. A common interpretation may be that of a Nordic or Viking woman, due to Jynx's primary ice typing and the old-fashioned, breastplated gown it is wearing. Another theory is that Jynx has traits of a female opera singer, as Pokémon Snap and its Gen. III sprites depict it singing, espcially the Emerald sprite that animates it singing a high note. It may have its origins in yuki-onna, meaning 'snow woman' (hence Jynx's ice type), Japanese spirits that are associated with winter and snowstorms. Additionally, Jynx is probably based most on the Japanese spirit Yama-uba (with Smoochum being based on the human child she is raising, Kintarō), who is described as always wearing a tattered red kimono, seducing her victims by dancing, and having golden white hair, a dark-colored skin, large lips and control over winter weather (does all that sound familiar?). Yamanba is also slang for the extreme side of the fashion style ganguro, which involves bleached hair, artificial tanning and applying brightly-colored lipstick, usually pink.

Three Jynx performing some sort of dance in unison.

Yup, there is a lot to say about Jynx, but at the end of the day, the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question is whether Jynx is viable for competitive play. Well, is it? Sure, if you know what you're doing. Jynx possesses some great special attack, very good speed and special defense, average HP and downright terrible attack and defense. That attack is something Jynx doesn't need anyway, but that low defense just plain sucks. There is a certain tactic you can use when battling with Jynx: run one with a Timid nature and its hidden ability Dry Skin (the other two it has aren't really useful), have it hold a Focus Sash or Life Orb, put the foe to sleep with Lovely Kiss (kinda risky with just 75% accuracy, though), set up with Nasty Plot and fire away with Ice Beam, Psyshock or Psychic, and/or Focus Blast. It also learns Shadow Ball, Energy Ball and Signal Beam, just for some type coverage. You can also Scarf or Specs Jynx, but that means you won't be able to set up with Nasty Plot and then destroy the opponent with its moves, as these items lock Jynx into using just one move until it is switched out. Watch out with Dry Skin: it effectively gives Jynx an immunity to water-type moves and heals its HP by a maximum of 25% if it is hit by one, but it strengthens the opponent's fire-type moves by 25% as well. And that's a problem, because Jynx's ice typing already renders it weak to fire.

Jynx has been interestingly controversial, to say the least, and the last word about it has yet to be said. All in all, I consider Jynx to be nothing more than OK: its design is alright, its flavor is alright (it's all about kissing as well: Lovely Kiss, Sweet Kiss, Draining Kiss...), and despite the fact that the controversy it caused is rather interesting, it did hold me back from actually loving this thing. Also, I'm not particularly fond of humanoid Pokémon (Lickilicky and Mr. Mime in particular), but I like Jynx well enough, even though I think it's a little bit creepy.

Rating: 3.5/5

#123, #212: Scyther & Scizor

Scyther in all its glory.

Oh man, these Pokémon.

Remember when Scyther was awesome back in the day? Yeah, it was one of the better-designed and most popular Pokémon, but it has lost its appeal a little over the last fifteen years or so. Even in the time of Red, Blue and Yellow Scyther wasn't all that, just because it didn't learn any STAB bug- or flying-type moves other than the weak Wing Attack, which was still a whopping 35 power back then... and that was only in Pokémon Yellow. Sure, critical hits were based on speed and Scyther was one of the fastest Pokémon the game, so you could just spam Slash. Crits galore! Fortunately, Game Freak have only improved Scyther since then, giving it the awesome Technician ability (which increases the strength of moves with 60 power or less by 50%) and some moves that can benefit from it, such as Bug Bite and Aerial Ace. In the second generation, Scyther even got an amazing evolution named Scizor. The problem is that Scizor is superior to Scyther in every aspect except speed: Scizor becomes much slower in exchange for a little more bulk, a better attack stat and the ever-so-useful steel type. It even retains Technician, and from X and Y onward it even has been able to Mega-evolve.

Fan art of Scyther and Scizor. This image suggests that they are
equals, as they have roughly the same height and take the same
stance. 

Both Scyther and Scizor have a base stat total of 500, which is highly unusual in an evolution line; Pokémon typically get stronger when evolution triggers, but apparently this doesn't seem to apply to Scyther and Scizor. In fact, Scyther is the only pre-evolutionary form that has the same base stat total as its evolution. It does evolve by having it hold a Metal Coat and trade it away, but this is hardly the reason why Scyther and Scizor's base stat total is exactly the same; even Steelix's is much higher than Onix's (just like Scizor, though, it has lost some of its speed). My theory is that Scyther had good stats for a basic Pokémon already and that it didn't particularly need to become stronger; Scizor would have been way too overpowered - close to legendary status - if it had kept Scyther's excellent speed stat upon evolution. Great attack, great speed and decent bulk? Nigh impossible to take down, I'd say. Instead, you should see Scizor as an alternative to Scyther: the former has the all-important steel typing (this makes Scizor 4x weak to fire, but it's its only weakness) and is stronger and bulkier, while the latter has a STAB Technician-boosted Aerial Ace or Wing Attack and can make use of the Eviolite. By the way, I am not even counting the fact that I think Scizor is much more awesome than Scyther. When I was a kid, Scyther was one of my favorite Pokémon, but this shifted to Lugia and Scizor instead, and that hasn't changed much over the years.

Fan art of Scizor showing off its badassery.

Why, let's take a look at their Pokédex entries, shall we? Scyther is obviously based on the praying mantis and the mantidfly, and while the blades of mantises aren't that sharp, Scyther's are: they are able to slice through logs and become even sharper when used to cut through hard materials. With ninja-like agility and speed, it can create the illusion that there is more than one of them or become too fast for the human eye to track. And how about Scizor? Well, despite its name and its Gen. II classification as the 'Scissors Pokémon', which Game Freak corrected in Gen. III, its claws are more like pincers instead of scissors. Scizor can't rely on its dismal speed, so it uses its eye-patterned pincers instead to swing them and create the illusion that it has three heads. The pincers can crush any hard object to bits (even concrete when Scizor gets a chance to Mega-evolve). And while Scyther barely uses its wings to fly, Scizor is completely incapable of flight. It uses its wings to adjust its body temperature instead, because apparently its steel body can't handle its own hotness, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

Watch out, because Scizor is coming at you!

Competitively, Scizor is a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it is supposed to hit anything with tremendous strength, especially since it has a Mega. And as Scizor isn't very fast to begin with, you might want to max out its massive attack stat by running one with an Adamant nature, while an Impish nature focuses more on Scizor's defensive side. An ideal moveset might consist of Swords Dance, Bullet Punch (STAB and boosted by Technician), Bug Bite (ditto) and Roost for healing purposes. U-Turn can be used to gain momentum, as switching out after doing some damage is better than hard-switching, while Defog removes entry hazards and Knock Off can knock off the foe's item. This move isn't uncommon in competitive play lately, as it has been upgraded from 20 to 65 power since the days of X and Y. It is also capable of learning some fine coverage moves like Night Slash, X-Scissor, Iron Head, Brick Break, Superpower and Acrobatics (has a base power of 55, but this doubles when the user isn't holding an item). Want some Technician-boosted moves instead? Well, how about Aerial Ace? 60 power, never misses. Or Fury Cutter, a rather unreliable move with a base power of 40 that doubles every time it is used, which renders Technician useless most of the time. Metal Claw (50 power), Pursuit (which has 40 power and doubles when the opponent switches out on the turn you use it, in which case Technician doesn't trigger), Double Hit (hits twice for 35 power a pop, and with Technician it hits harder than Return) and Thief (60 power) are moves to consider as well. Don't like Mega Scizor? You can give regular Scizor a Life Orb or a Choice Band and still be good.

I don't know whether this is an action figurine or 3D art of Mega Scizor (the official
art is embedded in the original image for comparison), but it looks awesome! :D

I'd still recommend the first moveset I first mentioned, though, even for Scyther (except Bullet Punch; Scyther doesn't learn it and it should be replaced by Aerial Ace instead). However, a Jolly nature is very common on Scyther, especially combined with a Choice Scarf. It greatly benefits from the Eviolite as well, buffing up its defenses a little while still hitting like a truck. But Scizor's awesomeness can't be denied and that is exactly why I recommend it over Scyther. No, honestly, I fell in love with this thing when Gold and Silver came out and my love for it has only intensified when I saw its Mega form, and that's why it easily gets a perfect rating from me. Go, Scizor!

Rating: 5/5

#116 - #117, #230: Horsea, Seadra & Kingdra

A Horsea with a black eye is issuing a warning by spraying its ink
on the surface of the water in "Tentacool and Tentacruel"; season
1, episode 19. This Horsea would later join Misty's team.

Ahhh, we all know the Horsea Misty caught in the anime episode "Tentacool & Tentacruel", which I discussed in - obviously - Tentacool and Tentacruel's entry.

And by that I mean the anime episode, not Horsea.

Despite the fact that I basically discussed the entire episode in that entry, I mainly focused on the jellyfish and actually didn't mention Horsea once. Still, Horsea - who got injured by Tentacool and Tentacruel off-screen - played an important role in this episode, warning Ash and the others about the approaching danger by creating an image of Tentacool and Tentacruel on the sea's surface with its ink. While the attack is ongoing, Horsea even tries to plead with Tentacruel to stop, unfortunately to no avail. When the raid is over and Nastina still doesn't want to listen, Horsea sprays ink in her face before Tentacruel swats her away with its tentacle. Horsea ultimately decides to join Misty and becomes a faithful member of her team.

Glauert's seadragon, or the leafy seadragon, might have been the
inspiration for Horsea and its evolutions, even though Skrelp and
Dragalge look more like it. Instead, the weedy seadragon might
have been the inspiration for Kingdra, as it's a little less decorative.

Sadly, Horsea's Pokédex entries really aren't anything worth mentioning, as most characteristics match real-life seahorses as well, including the fact that male seahorses - rather than female ones - take the reins in childbirth and raise the young. Much more interesting is the speculation what Horsea is based on. It is classified as the 'Dragon Pokémon' (a typing it doesn't get until it evolves into its final evolution, Kingdra), so it might as well be based on the leafy sea dragon, a seahorse-like marine fish that was more likely the inspiration for the Gen. VI Pokémon Skrelp and Dragalge than for Horsea, but whatevs. A more probable reason why it is classified as such is its Japanese name, Tattu (タッツー), which is a corruption of tatsu, part of the common name for a seahorse in Japanese: tatsu-no-otoshigo, meaning 'illegitimate child of a dragon'. Huh, interesting.

The Horsea family from left to right: Horsea, Seadra and
Kingdra. 

This recurring dragon theme is going to play a bigger role with every evolution, because the English and Japanese names for Horsea's evolution Seadra are exactly the same. The name is a combination of 'seahorse' and 'dragon', and quite honestly, Seadra does look more like a dragon than Horsea. It also gets the Poison Point ability, as its Pokédex entries say that the venom it emits from the sharp, spiky fins on its back is toxic enough to induce fainting in humans, but that its fins and bones are prized among practitioners of traditional herbal medicine. Yet Seadra is neither a poison type nor a dragon type. I assume this has something to do with the Red and Blue game mechanics: there were no dragon-type moves in Gen. I other than Dragon Rage, which deals a fixed 40 damage, and as dragon was only weak to ice and itself, Seadra would have had no real weaknesses because of its ice-resisting water typing. That feature would have made Seadra way too overpowered, and it is probably the reason why Gyarados had (and still has) flying as its secondary type instead of dragon as well.

Now, THIS is an awesome drawing of Kingdra!

Fortunately, in Seadra's case, Game Freak changed that in Gen. II by giving it an evolution that is actually a dual water/dragon type: Kingdra. While Horsea and Seadra's flavor is nothing short of dull, Kingdra has characteristics that's gonna leave your jaw dropped on the goddamn floor. Here goes: Kingdra's yawn is strong enough to create undercurrents capable of destroying small ships. Should it decide to emerge from the depths of the ocean, its strength can create large whirlpools and sea-born tornadoes on the surface. Better yet (or worse, depending on how you look at it), because of its immense power it can create giant whirlpools even when it stirs in the cave it resides in at the very depths of the ocean, where no other Pokémon can survive. It is said to awaken and go wandering about in search for prey when a storm is 'bout to arrive. Kingdra is probably based on the Japanese legend of Ryūjin (or Ryōjin), a dragon god that is said to bear power over the seas of the world, live on the floors of deep bodies of water, and is known for its weather-like ascensions into the heavens. Now, THAT is quite some different shit than Seadra's Pokédex entries, which say that it is only capable of creating whirlpools when it spins its body around in order to catch prey.

Kingdra. Would it just have awoken from a deep slumber?

Such a shame that the method to obtain Kingdra is a little troublesome (you have to trade Seadra to another game while it is holding a Dragon Scale), but at least you'll have a great competitive Pokémon. Right? Well yeah, if you have a physical Kingdra, sure. I mean, its base attack and special attack stats of 95 are exactly the same and its entire learnset is solely special, but Kingdra has access to a great status move: Dragon Dance. This move raises its attack and speed by one stage each, so don't let it set up very often, because it'll turn into a speedy powerhouse before you know it. It is even somewhat of a tank, because its base defense and special defense stats of 95 and HP stat of 75 are nothing to sneeze at, either. And it learns just enough physical moves to be of use: Waterfall has a chance to flinch, Outrage is a strong, indispensable dragon-type move (be cautious, because you will be locked into this move for two or three turns), and Iron Head provides perfect coverage against fairy types, to which Kingdra has a weakness. Combine it with a Jolly nature, a Life Orb, Scope Lens (increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio) or Lum Berry (heals whichever status condition) as a held item, and the ability Sniper. That ability, like the Scope Lens, increases the critical hit ratio of Kingdra's moves. You can even ditch Iron Head and go for Focus Energy, which - you guessed it - increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio.

More Kingdra fan art.

As for the rest of its abilities: Damp is its hidden ability and is used to prevent weather conditions from taking effect, which is purely situational, while Swift Swim is mainly used when composing a rain team. In that case, Kingdra would work out great with a special moveset consisting of Hydro Pump, Draco Meteor, Ice Beam and Rain Dance. Flash Cannon is a great move for coverage against, yet again, fairy types, and Scald can be used to try and burn the foe. Usually, a Timid or Modest nature is required with such a set, and when you give it Choice Specs or a Life Orb to hold, you'll have a very, very decent special-attacking Kingdra. You can even go the diverse way and slap a Rash, Mild, Naive or Hasty nature on it to create a mixed attacker. Just make sure you don't put Kingdra up against a Pokémon with Freeze-Dry, because this ice-type move hits water types super-effectively (usually, water resists ice), which effectively makes Kingdra four times weak to it.

As you can read, Kingdra leaves you spoiled for choice. I quite like this Pokémon, and I definitely like it more than its pre-evolutions. I mean, Horsea is cute and all, but not very interesting. Neither is Seadra, for that matter. Kingdra all the way! Well, not all the way, but definitely more than halfway...

Rating: 4/5

#440, #113, #242: Happiny, Chansey & Blissey

I have to admit this is some fine 3D fan art of Happiny, though.

Ugh. More fat, pink Pokémon... Just what we needed, right?

Nope.

At least, not Happiny. You know what Happiny is good for? Absolutely nothing, because practically everything about Happiny is nothing more than downright terrible. Its stats are absolutely booty; it is even tied with Chansey for the lowest base attack and defense of all Pokémon, both at 5. Even its pretty good 100 base HP won't make up for its low defensive stats and an Eviolite isn't gonna save them, either. Meh. Furthermore, its classification as the 'Playhouse Pokémon' really doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever, while its design bothers me to no end. It's so ridiculous. I mean... it looks like an infant wearing a pink diaper, complete with an egg-shaped toy. Well, that's where its annoying characteristics come into play: it is bothered by how curly its hair looks, it has a habit of being in the way of people and causing them to trip as a result of that, and it is always carrying an egg-shaped rock with it because it desperately wants to be a Chansey. That is sad. And not in a good way. Its Pokédex entries never mention anything like a playhouse either, which makes its classification even more confusing.

I'm still bothered by baby Pokémon like Happiny. I mean, they're so incredibly unnecessary...

In the anime, Chansey are often seen as Nurse Joy's assistants in
Pokémon Centers. 

Fortunately, though, it is easy to evolve Happiny into Chansey: just give it an Oval Stone to hold and level it up during the day. And do it fast, because Chansey is much better than its pre-evolution. Wait, wait, wait, I am moving way too fast now; I'll discuss Chansey's battle skills later. Let's take a look at its Pokédex entries first. Chansey is a rare and elusive Pokémon, but it is also gentle and kind-harted and will bring happiness and luck to those who manage to catch it. It will share its succulent and nutritious eggs, which it lays on a daily basis, with an injured human or Pokémon if it sees one. The eggs become even more delicious when Chansey is treated with love and care; so delicious, in fact, that even people who have lost their appetite devour them easily and eagerly. Its healing powers and caring nature make it an excellent nurse, which is why Nurse Joy is always assisted by a Chansey whenever Ash walks into a goddamn Pokémon Center (of course, Gen. V doesn't know what a Chansey is, so Unova Joys are assisted by Audino instead).

Fan art of Chansey happily giving Pachirisu an injection.

This whole healer thing is important, because that is exactly what Chansey is used for in the competitive scene. Yeah, well, its attack and defense are still booty (they're the same as Happiny's), but it has great special defense and a MASSIVE base HP stat of no less than 250. Two hundred and fucking fifty. Only Blissey, Chansey's evolution, has a higher HP stat, but it is higher by only five base points. As Chansey's special defense is high enough already, most players run a Chansey with a Bold nature and EV investment in HP and defense. Give it an Eviolite, a held item that raises a yet-to-evolve Pokémon's defense and special defense by 50%, and you have an ultimate wall. It means that Chansey can take a few physical hits, despite its dreadfully low defense stat. Unfortunately, Chansey has no attacking power, which means it will have to rely on a moveset consisting of Soft-Boiled (heals its HP by half), Seismic Toss (deals damage equal to the user's level), Heal Bell (all Pokémon in the user's party are cured of their non-volatile status conditions, if they have any), and either Toxic or Thunder Wave in order to cripple the opponent with a status effect.

The Chansey family: Happiny (on top of Chansey), Chansey itself (left) and Blissey
(right), with Nurse Joy in the background. 

There are other options, though. Counter is a decreased-priority move that hits for twice the physical damage done to Chansey on that turn, which may be an option, while Thunderbolt, Ice Beam and Flamethrower are viable options if you want to hit ghost-type Pokémon, who are unaffected by Seismic Toss (and Counter, for that matter). Wish can only be obtained by using a special event Chansey that was distributed from December 16, 2004 to January 2, 2005 to any Gen. III game. You probably don't have one, and quite honestly it is not worth the hassle. Do make sure your Chansey has Natural Cure as its ability though, which heals any status condition it has upon switching out. Its hidden ability Healer has a 30% chance of curing an adjacent ally's status condition, so this only comes in handy when you're participating in double battles. And while Chansey also has the Serene Grace ability and its very own held item called the Lucky Punch, both of which raise its critical hit ratio, this combination is actually not a good idea to use considering Chansey's poor offensive presence.

Old official art of Blissey.

So, what about Blissey? Well, its flavor is pretty much the same as Chansey's, with the only difference being the effects of its eggs: eating a Blissey egg will bring happiness to a sad person and makes someone unfailingly caring and pleasant to everyone. Blissey evolves from Chansey when leveled up with high friendship, which means it is a fully-evolved Pokémon. As a result, Blissey cannot use the Eviolite (it depends on Leftovers instead), which sucks because it needs that item. Its base 10 defense might be slightly better than Chansey's, but it is still very, very poor, especially when you consider that Chansey can make use of the Eviolite to make up for its terrible physical defense. Therefore, Blissey resides in a lower tier than Chansey (UU, underused, rather than OU, overused), but that doesn't mean it is bad. On the contrary, Blissey has even higher special defense and special attack stats (along with a slightly better HP stat, but that doesn't really make much difference), which means it is capable of tanking special hits and hitting the opponent with at least some power. However, Blissey is often used in the same way as Chansey is, with the same nature, EV spread and stalling moveset used by its pre-evolution. Besides, its special attack is only mediocre and is really nothing to write home about, so it's probably a good thing using Blissey as a special wall rather than a special attacker.

All in all, it's too bad Game Freak had to introduce Happiny, because that Pokémon is ridiculous and redundant and has hardly any use, in-game as well as competitively. Chansey and Blissey are amazing Pokémon to use if you know what you're doing, however, so you won't see a bad rating on this page by any means. Yes, I know that they're pink, cute and fluffy, but I like them nonetheless.

Rating: 3.5/5