#438, #185: Bonsly & Sudowoodo

I think Bonsly looks stupid, but this realistic 3D art looks even
better than the actual cartoon version. 

Sigh. I don't want to talk about Bonsly. I think it is stupid and unnecessary and basically just a rip-off of its evolution, as I think most baby Pokémon are. All it does is being a downright attention whore by continuously creating fake tears. Okay, it does so because it needs to adjust its body's fluid and moisture levels, but I don't fucking care; this phony bonsai tree can go to hell for all I care. No, I'm much more interested in Sudowoodo, the Pokémon that blocked the road to Ecruteak City in Gold and Silver (and their remakes). You had to beat Whitney and her terrifying Miltank first before you could get a SquirtBottle (or a Wailmer Pail in HeartGold and SoulSilver) from the lady in the Goldenrod flower shop in order to spray water all over Sudowoodo to make it attack you. As Sudowoodo is a static Pokémon and doesn't appear anywhere else in the games, many people tried to catch it at first, until they realized Sudowoodo isn't all that great after all. Of course, I was the exception to the rule, because I started using it in my HeartGold playthrough and it turned out to be quite the strong and diverse Pokémon. Very satisfactory, even better than the other Pokémon on my team. Then again, one of them was a Fearow, and it's generally not hard to outclass mediocre Pokémon like that when you're a slightly better mediocre Pokémon yourself.

Look at Sudowoodo being a happy-go-lucky ray of fucking sunshine. 

One thing that bothers me is that so many people complain that Sudowoodo is not part grass. I mean, WHY would it be a grass-type Pokémon? Sudowoodo is nothing but a phoney trying to fool others with its appearance. It is based on petrified wood, plants that have become fossilized over time, and therefore its composition is closer to a rock than a plant. It likes to disguise itself as a tree and stand along paths to avoid being attacked, although its camouflage fails in wintertime because its fingertips remain green at all times. Sudowoodo is basically a fake tree, which becomes clear in X and Y, in which it can be found in a horde battle alongside four Trevenant. That's genius, Game Freak. This tree disguise thing can also be found in the names it has received from Game Freak across the globe:

English: Sudowoodo is a combination of pseudo- (a prefix meaning 'false') and 'wood'. Aditionally, Bonsly is derived from 'bonsai' and 'sly' or 'lie'.

Japanese: Usokkie (ウソッキー) is derived from uso, ki and usotsuki, meaning 'false', 'tree' and 'liar', respectively. Additionally, Usohachi (ウソハチ) contains the Japanese word for flower pot, hachi. And let's face it, Bonsly does look like a terracotta plant pot. It even has a hole in its rear to boot.

French: Simularbre is a combination of simuler and arbre, the latter of which means 'tree'. Surely I don't have to explain to you guys what simuler means, right?

German: Mogelbaum is a conjunction of mogeln and Baum (the Germans have a tendency to capitalize their nouns), which mean 'to cheat' and 'tree', respectively. Additionally, Bonsly's German name is Mobai.

Korean: Kkojimo (꼬지모) is a combination of keojit or geojit, meaning 'lie' or 'falsehood', and the Korean word for 'tree', mok. Aditionally, the Korean name for Bonsly is Kkojiji
(꼬지지).

Brock licking Sudowoodo, because he likes being weird. I guess
it's effective, because Sudowoodo hates water (and wet things in
general). This scene is from "Type Casting"; season 4, episode 5.

Still think Sudowoodo should be a grass type? I don't - never have, in fact. Sudowoodo is supposed to be a rock thing pretending to be a tree, but it's not an actual tree in the slightest, so it would have made no sense at all if Game Freak had given it the grass type. It would have helped boost Wood Hammer, but that is a strong physical grass-type move in itself, anyway. And with the ability Rock Head, Sudowoodo wouldn't even have to take recoil damage from it, so it can hit the opponent without damaging itself. Sturdy is handy as well, but this ability would only come in handy when you want to guarantee that Stealth Rock will be set up. Don't even look at Rattled, because that is a dumb ability. It raises Sudowoodo's speed by one stage when it is hit by a bug-, dark- or ghost-type move, but its speed is already quite abhorrent, so it doesn't need Rattled. Fortunately, it is very physically defensive, so if you watch out for special attackers you can run a Life Orb or Choice Band set with Rock Slide (or Stone Edge, but that move is less accurate), Wood Hammer, Earthquake and Hammer Arm. It also learns Sucker Punch to catch opponents by surprise, while the elemental punches might be feasible options as well. Just be aware that Rock Head doesn't prevent recoil from the Life Orb, only from regular moves like Double-Edge.

Sudowoodo has always been an intriguing Pokémon to me, although it is not a particularly good Pokémon. Nonetheless, I like it a lot, even though it's such a shame Game Freak had to give it a stupid pre-evolution.

Rating: 4.5/5

#175 - #176, #468: Togepi, Togetic & Togekiss

There is so much adorable Togepi fan art to be found on the
Internet that I had a hard time not to download everything of it.

So, there's this question about whether I think Togepi is a baby Pokémon or not. My answer is a whole-hearted 'NO!' In my opinion, baby Pokémon are pre-evolutions of certain Pokémon from previous generations (e.g. Smoochum was introduced in Gen. II and is the pre-evo of the Gen. I Pokémon Jynx, and Bonsly was introduced in Gen. IV and is the pre-evo of Sudowoodo, a Gen. II addition), which means they're pre-evolutions of Pokémon that used to be already in their most basic stage. However, Togepi was introduced in Gen. II alongside its evolution Togetic, and I just cannot see Togetic as a basic Pokémon. The same goes for Riolu and Lucario. I mean... sure, unlike their evolutions and unlike most basic Pokémon, baby Pokémon cannot breed and they all automatically belong to the 'Undiscovered' egg group, which technically makes Togepi and Riolu baby Pokémon as well. Still, I have a hard time considering them as such just for the reasons I mentioned above. Also - as many of you probably know by now - I don't like baby Pokémon. Most of them are useless and I just don't understand why Game Freak would want to add weaker forms of already existing Pokémon rather than stronger forms. Fortunately, this is not the case with Togepi and Togetic, and the latter even got an evolution in the fourth generation, Togekiss, so I dare say that there is plenty to discuss!

Misty's Togepi using Metronome.

Of course, most people know Togepi from the anime. In "Attack of the Prehistoric Pokémon" (season 1, episode 46), Ash and his friends get attacked by - you guessed it - a couple of prehistoric Pokémon that were woken up by a few explosions as the result of a fossil hunt, and after Jigglypuff comes to their rescue, everybody falls asleep. Ash wakes up with an egg in his arms, and for a couple of episodes we were left with no clue whatsoever of what Pokémon the egg contained. In the 50th episode, "Who Gets to Keep Togepi?", the egg finally hatches into Togepi and - you guessed it again - a battle about who gets to keep it ensues. Personally, I was on Ash's side, because he basically found the egg and thus it was his, but Misty was the first person Togepi saw when it hatched and that's why it saw her as its 'mother'. From then on, Togepi became a permanent character and was seen in almost every episode until Misty left the show, often helping the friends out when a situation got really dire. Starting during the Orange Islands saga, it would use Metronome to cause big explosions and even produce defensive screens, unbeknownst to Ash, Misty and Tracey (and later Brock when he returned for the Johto saga).

Misty saying goodbye to her Togetic in "A Togepi Mirage!";
season 7, episode 5.

When Misty left the show in favor of May and Max when the Advanced Generation series arrived, Togepi disappeared from the small screen as well. However, in the second season of that series (the seventh season of the Pokémon anime overall) Misty and her Togepi are the center of a two-parter. In "The Princess and the Togepi", Misty is lured to a Togepi festival by a disguised Team Rocket and they guide her to the Mirage Kingdom, followed by Ash, Brock, May and Max, who realize that Misty is in trouble when they see the building from which they take off collapse. Upon arrival, Misty and the rest are attacked by Colonel Hansen, who is after Togepi. After they try to get away, Misty loses Togepi in the chaos and it is then found by Sara, the princess of the Mirage Kingdom. Soon after she shows Togepi to her parents, Misty barges in and demands her Togepi back. Just as Misty and the rest get ready to leave the Mirage Kingdom for their safety, they are attacked again by Hansen and, as a result of fleeing from him, end up in the Togepi Paradise. The story continues in the next episode, "A Togepi Mirage!", when Hansen breaks into the paradise and abducts Togepi in order to rule over the kingdom. He throws the true king in the dungeons and betrays Team Rocket, but Ash and his friends manage to free the king with the help of a vengeful Team Rocket and challenge Hansen once more. Just as Hansen is on the winning side, the Togepi break out of the paradise, which causes Misty's Togepi to evolve into Togetic. Hansen's Shedinja is defeated by a Flamethrower from Misty's Gyarados and after a tearful goodbye, Togetic stays behind to protect the paradise.

All's well that ends well.

Old (left) and new (right) official Sugimori art of Togetic.

Yeah, Togepi was definitely a memorable character and it is a shame that it isn't seen in the anime anymore (not counting any possible cemeos). Togepi was such an innocent little thing and I'm glad it was the center of a storyline in which its flavor becomes more apparent than ever: it exudes a relaxing aura from inside its shell that grows stronger when it is treated nicely, and it is always willing to share some of its energy with kind people, but when it comes near a human with an impure heart this energy quickly disappears. That's why many Togepi in the paradise were so exhausted: Colonel Hansen's presence weakened them because of his impurity. Togetic takes this happiness thing a step further and tends to shower kind-hearted persons with luck and happiness - this is called 'joy dust'. As it can sense someone's personality, it flies around the world seeking these people in order to share its happiness, but, like Togepi, becomes dispirited when it is surrounded by mean or foul people.

Awwww... Such a cute family picture! :D

This is where I start cooing about HOW FUCKING MUCH I LOVE THIS THING!!! Ever since the days of Gold and Silver I've been in love with Togetic, and for the longest time it used to be my second favorite Pokémon, until Luxray came along in 2007. Now, it sits at a solid third place, behind Luxray and Lugia, and I'm still not tired of this Pokémon. I mean, how could I ever get tired of Togetic? Look at it: it's so cute and happy, and I always wish this thing was real so I could give it a hug and never let go of it. That is how fucking much I love Togetic, goddammit! You'd think I was pissed when Togekiss was introduced in Diamond and Pearl, but that's not true at all. I don't dislike Togekiss by any means; on the contrary, I actually quite like it... just not as much as Togetic! Togekiss will never beat my love for its pre-evolution. I did use it in a fairy mono-type playthrough, but that's mainly because it can learn Aura Sphere and Air Slash, whereas Togetic cannot. Deep inside, I hated that I 'had to' evolve Togetic in order to gain a little move diversity that others on my team didn't have, even though Togekiss didn't disappoint me at all. But however strong and diverse Togekiss may be, Togetic will always be my little chick - and I mean chick as in 'baby bird'. Because that is what Togetic is probably based on, y'know.

A Togekiss among other flying types in the movie Pokémon:
Giratina and the Sky Warrior. 

And competitively? Togekiss, whose Pokédex entries don't differ much from its pre-evolutions', is a damn good competitive battler, if I may say so. Its special attack and special defense are off the charts, sitting at base 120 and 115, respectively. It even has some very decent defense and a good HP stat to boot, which makes Togetic quite the bulky Pokémon. That is why it is often used as an offensive and defensive Pokémon in one. Having natural bulk, Togekiss likes to make use of Heal Bell and Roost, which can cure any status condition and heals up Togekiss's HP by half, respectively. It has access to Nasty Plot (why it learns NASTY Plot is beyond me, with its flavor about luck and happiness and all, but I'm not complaining), which increases its special attack by two stages, and in order to attack it can use Air Slash. With its Serene Grace ability, which doubles the chance of additional effects occurring, Air Slash has a 60% chance to make the foe flinch each turn. That is excellent to get Togekiss gain momentum against slower and bulkier foes, because it isn't the fastest Pokémon out there. That's why a Timid nature is recommended, although you could also go for a Modest nature for more offense or a Calm or Bold nature for more defense. In the latter cases, Leftovers would only add to its bulk by healing a little of its HP every turn.

Yes, Togekiss is good, but when you slap an Eviolite on Togetic it will increase its defense by 50%. That's not bad either, because Togetic has some pretty good natural bulk. A Bold-natured Togetic with max HP and defense is often used as a Defogger - so that it can remove entry hazards such as Stealth Rock - and healer, while the Nasty Plot/Baton Pass combo isn't uncommon, either: Togetic can pass on the boost in its special attack to a stronger teammate.

This Togetic is pretty exhausted. Would there be a cold-hearted person around?

Togekiss. I'm sorry buddy, but you'll never be better than Togetic, at least not to me. Your pre-evolution is superior in everything and no evolution can exceed my love for Togetic. Ever. This happens more often than I'd like to, but yet again an evolution gets a lower score than its pre-evolution. Togetic is love, Togetic is life, and not even an evolution and a change in its typing (it went from normal/flying to fairy/flying in X and Y) was able to change my love for it.

Rating Togetic: 5/5

Rating Togekiss: 4.5/5

#446, #143: Munchlax & Snorlax

Munchlax holding a hamburger and a slice of pizza. I
guess it gulped them down within a matter of seconds.

Aside from the Pokémon that are in possession of an unquenchable fighting spirit there are also the Pokémon that are born tired and would rather eat and sleep than engage in tiresome battles. That makes it extra curious that the lazy Snorlax has gotten quite a hyperactive pre-evolution in Gen. IV: Munchlax doesn't mind walking and running from place to place as it looks for food (with its powerful base speed of 5, mind you). It is even classified as the 'Big Eater Pokémon' and can eat many servings of food at a time, eating its own weight of over 230 pounds of food each day without chewing, while rarely getting full at all. And it's barely two feet tall... Sometimes it's so desperate to wolf down food that it forgets about the food it has hidden under its fur. You're gonna smell it sooner or later, mate! But where Munchlax lives to eat, its evolution Snorlax lives to sleep, only waking up to eat 900 pounds of food without being picky about it: its strong stomach allows it to eat even moldy food without feeling any ill effects. After eating it goes right back to sleep. That's why it is always found sleeping in inconvenient locations: in Kanto it is found blocking the way in three places (Route 12 and 16 in Red, Blue, their remakes and Yellow; Vermilion City in Gold, Silver, their remakes and Crystal) and in Kalos it can be seen blocking a bridge on Route 7. And the only way to wake it up is playing a tune on the Poké Flute (Gen. I and Gen. VI) or play the Poké Flute tune on the radio (Gen. II).

Snorlax's sprites from Red and Blue all the way to X and Y show
it slowly getting off its lazy ass. 

Also, Snorlax's in-game sprites from 1996 to 2013 show it slowly standing up, and jokes are made about Snorlax needing 17 years and 8 months to get off his behind. But why the fuck is it so lazy in the first place? Well, it is not always clear what the hell Munchlax and Snorlax are based on, because they look a lot like cats in some ways, but they seem to share traits with bears. Munchlax's eating habits may be based on the fact that bears eat a lot of food before they go hibernating, which Snorlax tends to do a lot more than Munchlax does. Also, the only way to obtain a Munchlax in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum is to smear some Honey (yes, with a capital H) on special Honey Trees throughout the Sinnoh region and check up on them a couple of hours later, which only adds up to what it is based on, as most bears - and especially black bears - love honey. Additionally, Snorlax may be based on a so-called 'food coma', a state of sleepiness after eating copious amounts of food.

A parody of My Neighbor Totoro. 

Ironically enough, Snorlax is more than competent in competitive battling. Snorlax possesses a crazy amount of HP and some great attack and special defense as well. Its defense is kind of bad and its speed is just downright terrible, but its massive HP should make up for its mediocre defense stat, anyway. Due to its bulk, Snorlax is a very irksome Pokémon to deal with, and very hard to take down without good physical-based fighting-type moves. There are various ways to use Snorlax, but the most common method is the tank: Careful or Impish nature with EV investment in HP, defense and maybe special defense, and the Leftovers to hold for some annoying HP recovery after every turn. Moreover, a bulky Snorlax runs Curse (lowers its already terrible speed but increases attack and defense), Rest (fully recovers Snorlax but puts it to sleep as well), Body Slam (a pretty good STAB move that has a 30% chance to paralyze the foe) and either Earthquake or Crunch, depending on who and what you're gonna fight. Finally, the Thick Fat ability makes Snorlax resistant to fire- and ice-type moves, while Immunity prevents it from being poisoned. Both add up to its bulk and are excellent choices. Additionally, an all-out attacking Snorlax with an Adamant nature and a Choice Band or Assault Vest as held item might also work; its movepool is diverse enough for that. Especially when you invest some EVs in attack and either HP or defense (or both) and let it hold an Assault Vest, which gives it a 50% boost in its special defense but limits it to using damaging moves, Snorlax is still a bulky beast that's hard to defeat.

A Snorlax blocking the way on Kalos Route 7. 

Maybe it's because I find myself annoyed whenever I need to battle a Snorlax, but I don't really care for this thing. It doesn't look terribly interesting, and I think I've started developing an aversion towards obese-looking Pokémon in my hate for Lickilicky. Now, that wouldn't be entirely fair towards Snorlax, because I never hated it (and I technically still don't), but I don't particularly like that fat-ass, either. I'll grant it a narrow 3-star rating, but it'll have to make do with that; it's the best I can give it.

Rating: 3/5

#137, #233, #474: Porygon, Porygon2 & Porygon-Z

Stills from "Electric Soldier Porygon" (which
is actually not the official English title, but
merely a free translation of the Japanese);
season 1, episode 38. 

Poor, poor Porygon... What has Pikachu done to you?

Porygon made its only major anime appearance in the 38th episode of the first season, in which Ash and his friends meet a mad scientist called Dr. Akihabara, who has to figure out what is wrong with the Poké Ball transporter in the Pokémon Center in Matcha City. Akihabara actually invented the Pokémon Transport System, but contradicts Brock when he says that it could be a computer virus and should use an anti-virus vaccine program. Akihabara suddenly bolts out of the Center upon further investigation into the system, which cause Ash, Misty and Brock to follow him to his lab. There, they are lured into a giant machine called the Human Transporter. Their mission is to physically enter the computer system and stop Team Rocket (obviously!), who have gone into the system by use of one of Akihabara's prototype Porygon and are currently stealing all of the Poké Balls sent to other Trainers by Nurse Joy. Ash and his friends refuse, but Akihabara traps them and sends them into the system along with his other Porygon. Of course, Ash gets the winning hand and Porygon sends Team Rocket 'blasting off again'. Meanwhile, Nurse Joy hired another technician to put the anti-virus vaccine software into the computer, which seeks to exterminate the humans infiltrating it by taking on the form of an actual vaccination syringe. Trying to escape from it on the back of an enlarged Porygon, even saving Team Rocket in the process, Pikachu blows up the missiles the vaccine fired. Naturally, Porygon narrowly escapes from the computer program, but Akihabara's giant laboratory mansion gets destroyed in the process, much to his dismay.

Fan art of Porygon converting into data. Or something. Hey, I
don't know, man. I am not an IT specialist, OK? 

This infamous episode called "Computer Warrior Porygon" or "Cyber Warrior Porygon", more commonly known as "Electric Soldier Porygon" in English-speaking countries, had become highly controversial following the airing in Japan. The flashing red-and-blue images that followed after Pikachu destroys the missiles caused epileptic seizures in over 700 Japanese citizens, more than 600 of them children. The majority of them were hospitalized, while twelve thousand more children reported mild symptoms like nausea and blurred vision rather than grand mal seizures. The episode even gave the anime the infamous title of "Most Photosensitive Epileptic Seizures Caused by a Television Show" from The Guinness Book of World Records. The incident, which has been parodied in popular culture many times later on, was referred to as 'Pokémon Shock' by the Japanese press and had some major consequences. Firstly, the show went on a four-month hiatus, only to come back preceded by a disclaimer cautioning viewers not to sit too close to the screen and to watch only in a brightly-lit room. Japanese television broadcasters and medical officials came together to create guidelines on flashing images in future animated shows. To prevent similar events from reoccurring, Nintendo quickly ordered the episode pulled, and it has not aired anywhere since as a result, not even outside of Japan. And, last but not least, despite the fact that it was actually Pikachu who caused this strobe-light effect, Porygon got the blame and it and its evolutions were never seen in the anime ever again (barring some cameos), in an effort to put the event out of the public's minds and prevent trauma.

Porygon2 was designed for space exploration, even though it
can't actually fly

And that's a shame, because this man-made Pokémon actually has a very interesting flavor to it. Porygon is an artificial Pokémon created due to extensive research and consists entirely of programming code, being able to perform solely what's in its program with basic movements. Built into its code is Silph Co. copy protection DRM, preventing people from duplicating it through electronic means. But whereas Porygon seems to be based on the concept of a digital bird made with primitive 3D graphics software, its evolution Porygon2 (whose name is actually more logical rather than unimaginative, as it is an updated version not unlike some computer software programs, which is represented by the Up-Grade, used to evolve Porygon with) represents the concept of subdivision in 3D computer graphics and seems to be a smoother version of Porygon, made with more advanced 3D graphics software. The head looks like a duck, but it also resembles a drinking bird, which is especially demonstrated in the 3D games (X, Y, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire) due to it making the same movement as one. Porygon2 was designed and created for the exploration of other planets, but its inability to fly let it fail to measure up. It has been endowed with artificial intelligence that enables it to learn new behaviors and movements that are not in its programming.

Porygon-Z as a corrupted file.

Porygon2 was given additional software in order to increase its abilities (the Dubious Disc, used to evolve Porygon2 into Porygon-Z), initially for traveling through alien dimensions, but an error occurred and Porygon-Z started acting erratically. Its undesirable and unprogrammed behaviors suggest that it may be based on a computer virus having infected Porygon2 or that it is a reference to copyrighted software being patched by users to use all the features but often causing bugs in the program. And a name like Dubious Disc heavily implies that the computer software wasn't authorized by Silph Co. in the first place, which suggests that Porygon-Z is an illegitimate Pokémon. Basically, Porygon-Z is a corrupted digital file, am I right?

Figurines of Porygon (left), Porygon2 (right) and Porygon-Z
(middle).

But a strong one at that, because at a base 135 its special attack is ridiculously high. It has decent speed and medicore defenses, but with the Choice Specs or a Choice Scarf attached to it, as well as a Modest or Timid nature, it can actually beat Pokémon up at high speed. And with attacks like Tri Attack, Psyshock, Discharge, Dark Pulse, Signal Beam, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Shadow Ball and Ice Beam it is perfectly capable of doing that. Ditch the Scarf or Specs for a Life Orb and you can set up with Nasty Plot and Agility, which sharply boost its special attack and speed stats, respectively. And as Tri Attack matches its own type, normal, its ability Adaptability boosts the power of that move even further. Download is unreliable, as it raises Porygon-Z's special attack stat by one stage when the foe's special defense is lower than it defense, and it raises Porygon-Z's attack stat when it's the other way around. Analytic lets Porygon-Z boost its moves if the foe already attacked, but you want Porygon-Z to attack first due to its moderate frailty. You know who might benefit from Analytic? Porygon2.

Porygon (right), Porygon2 (middle) and Porygon-Z (left) in cyberspace.

Porygon2 is not as fast as its evolution by a long shot. Then again, it is used in a completely different way than Porygon-Z, because it is still able to evolve and that makes the Eviolite a very desirable item to use on Porygon2. This item buffs up its decent bulk even more! Add to that a defensive nature like Calm or Bold and the moves Recover and either Toxic or Thunder Wave (with Tri Attack and either Ice Beam or Thunderbolt to complete its moveset), and you'll have an annoying support Pokémon. Its special attack isn't as high as Porygon-Z's, although it is absolutely not bad, but it has a much better utility competitively, at least in my own humble opinion. Porygon2 doesn't have access to Adaptability, however, so you'll have to do with Analytic or maybe even Trace, which is an ability that copies the foe's ability and potentially allows Porygon2 to use that ability against it.

Porygon and its kin are curious Pokémon, especially if you consider that a Pokémon based on computer data was released in 1996 and designed even earlier. It was the era in which computer technology was still in its infancy, at least compared to what's available to us in the present day. I really like this Pokémon, but th^%gfjk*@%^wt%blbrrrrbl-#$$

kgggggg... kgggg... kgggg...

I'm sorry, my opinion got corrupted.

Rating: 4/5

#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5

#240, #126, #467: Magby, Magmar & Magmortar

Old art of Maby (left) versus Magby's current art (right). As you
can see, Magby does not have visible nostrils. 

Magby may look like an cute little critter, but you should be cautious around this thing, as its body temperature is an incredibly high 1,100°F because of a magma-like substance flowing through its body, and it can spit flames of around the same temperature. Even when it inhales and exhales, hot embers drip from its mouth and nostrils (which nostrils, though?). However, when it is fatigued, the temperature of the flames decreases and black smoke is mixed in with the flames. It is said to herald a volcanic eruption when large numbers of this Pokémon gather. Yes, I know Magby is a baby Pokémon, but it is one of four babies I'm actually not bothered with for a change, the other ones being Pichu, Tyrogue and Elekid (and I explained why in Electabuzz and Electivire's entry). Magby is just an adorable little fuck, and sometimes I'm just a sucker for cute Pokémon. In the entry that I previously mentioned, I also said that Electabuzz always appealed to me more than Magmar, Magby's evolution, but that is not the case anymore. I do think Magmar got a shitty evolution in Gen. IV, though, but I'll get to that later on.

Mamar's original official art on a TCG card. 

If anything, Magmar is hotter than Electabuzz. And I mean that quite literally: Magmar's body temperature is nearly 2,200°F, which is double Magby's temperature. Ash's Pokédex in the anime compares its body with a furnace, describing it as a living inferno. In fact, its Pokédex entry in Pokémon Silver states that the surface of its body gives off a wavering and rippling glare that is similar to the sun, and its breath can create heat waves that ignite surrounding grass and trees. But it is impossible to get close to the sun, so how are you supposed to get in the vicinity of a Magmar? I know that Pokémon are shown to control whatever special abilities they have, but this characteristic is being presented as if it's something Magmar cannot control. Anyway, you want more proof of Magmar's superiority? Well, Magmar is shown to block electric-type attacks with a wall of hot air in the anime, whereas Electabuzz cannot do such a thing with fire-type attacks. And, as if it wasn't already really obvious, Magmar lives in active volcanoes and whenever it gets injured, it can just dip its body in lava and heal its wounds that way. Like, instantly. It does dislike cold environments, though, as it gets dopey and sluggish (similar to a cold-blooded animal), which it solves by spewing flames to make the environment more suitable to its needs.

Fan art of Magmar getting ready to Fire Punch someone in the face.

Unfortunately, Magmar got an evolution in Diamond and Pearl. To keep up with the trend, Magmortar (it is a cool name, though) can reach even higher body temperatures and it even launches fireballs of over 3,600°F from its cannon-like arms. Its breath always sears and sizzles, and when blasting those goddamn fireballs away, its body takes on a whitish glow from the intense heat. All that sounds really awesome, but Magmortar's design is just too weird for me to actually like it. Its pink mouth, legs and back spikes look so out of sync with the red-and-yellow body it has, as well as Magby and Magmar's colors. Besides, its big main body is so disproportionate to the small size of its head and legs that it's just not funny. AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ITS MOUTH? With that grin from ear to ear (literally, even though Magmortar does not have visible ears), it looks like the Joker from Batman, but not in a good way. I am constantly trying to like this thing, but every time I see it I'm like, 'Meh, this such a stupid evolution.'

Fan art of shiny Magby and Magmar.

And as I'm searching for info about its origin, I'm shaking my head over and over again. It just doesn't make sense to me. Magby and Magmar seem to be a combination between a duck and an iguana, especially given the fact that they have some features that can be traced back to iguanas, but they are most likely based on the Japanese Hindu-Buddhist myth of the karura, a divine creature with a human torso and a bird-like head that can breathe fire. Sounds familiar, right? Well, it's similar to how Electabuzz is most likely based on the oni, which is often depicted as an ugly horned ogre but is believed to be a divine creature that has control over thunder and lightning. With those cannons and large body size, Magmortar looks nothing like a karura anymore; it still has some iguana-like features for sure, but the bird-like traits have completely gone and I just think of it as a fire-blasting lizard. There is one thing I actually like about it, and that is its shiny form, even though Magmar has the exact same shiny coloration as Magmortar does. Instead of red and yellow, they are a dark and light pink color, which is actually kind of awesome (Magby's shiny coloration, on the other hand, is an unimpressive sickly orange).

Fan art of Magmortar about to wreck house. 

But both Magmar and Magmortar are viable competitively, at least that cannot be denied. Magmar benefits from the Eviolite, as it buffs up its defenses, so this item is recommended for sure. As regards its stats, Magmar possesses some really good attack and special attack, very decent speed, and some medicore defenses (hence I recommend the Eviolite). Its special attack is a little bit higher than its attack, but only by a small margin, so both are perfectly usable. If you want to focus on the special-based side of the attacking spectrum, I'd use a Timid Magmar with Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Psychic and Focus Blast, but it can even learn some nifty status moves like Confuse Ray, Will-O-Wisp, Substitute and Clear Smog (eliminates the opposing Pokémon's stat changes). As for physical attacks, it can learn moves like Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Brick Break, Power-Up Punch, Cross Chop, Flare Blitz, Iron Tail, Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Mach Punch and Dual Chop. It gets an egg move that comes in handy when running a physical, Jolly-natured Magmar: Belly Drum, which halves its HP but maximizes its attack. It's risky, but if you can pull it off, you'll have a Magmar that hits like a truck. And if you want to mix things up move-wise, you can always slap a Hasty nature on Magmar; it'll let it have some more diversity at that as well.

Magmortar (right) and its electric-type counterpart Electivire (left).

Magmortar works completely differently, though: it loses some speed but gains a whole ton of special attack. Sadly, at base 95 its base physical attack remains the same as Magmar's, which renders it less useful than you'd think (although you can still use the Belly Drum trick to surprise opponents, but now with Earthquake and Rock Slide). In order to immediately let Magmortar hit the foe as hard as possible, it is recommended to max out its special attack with a beneficial nature, preferably Modest or Rash, and give it a Life Orb. It also has access to Thunderbolt, a powerful special-based electric-type move that Magmar doesn't get, so definitely use that. Want to create some bulk? Magmortar has some decent special defense and HP, so you could let it wear an Assault Vest while still doing massive damage due to its already-high special attack. Lastly, Magmar and Magmortar share the same ability with the Elekid line: Vital Spirit, which prevents them from falling asleep. Handy. Flame Body, which has a chance to burn the foe when they make direct contact with Magmortar, should usually be left alone, as it's inferior to Vital Spirit.

In the end, Magmar is a great Pokémon, design-wise and competitively, while its evolution Magmortar is not. Well, at least not design-wise. In fact, I like Magmar more than Electabuzz, but the latter got an awesome evolution in Gen. IV, whereas Magmar definitely did not. So, much like I did with Magneton and Magnezone, I am going to rate Magmar and Magmortar separately. I apologize to Magmortar fans, but I think Game Freak should have left Magmar alone, or at least given its evolution a better design.

Rating Magmar: 4.5/5

Rating Magmortar: 2.5/5

#239, #125, #466: Elekid, Electabuzz & Electivire

Oh hey, look at that: another baby Pokémon!

Actually, there are four baby Pokémon I am not particularly bothered with: Pichu because it is able to obtain Volt Tackle as an egg move, Tyrogue due to its three possible evolutions, Elekid because it's cool, and then Magby because it's so friggin' adorable. You'll find Magby again in my next entry, so let's focus on Elekid right now.

Fan art of an Elekid leaving its Trainer in shock. Then again, that
is probably the kid's intention. 

Elekid is a cool little dude who likes to play out in the most vicious thunderstorms, which is one source of charging electricity for it, the other one being rotating its arms. The thing is that Elekid actually tires easily, so its best defense mechanism is a weak current flowing between its prong-like horns that shocks unwary people who try to pet it. That's as interesting as it gets, unfortunately, but at least it is able to evolve into a great Pokémon: Electabuzz. And unlike its pre-evolved form, Electabuzz is not so sweet. It is an agressive Pokémon prone to heated competition, and Electabuzz will compete with one another in order to determine which one is capable of attaining the highest ground during torrential thunderstorms, so to get struck by a lightning bolt. The Electabuzz won't even get harmed; they will simply absorb the electricity, which is why they are often used as an alternative to lightning rods in urban areas. It won't come as a surprise that Electabuzz can store insane amounts of electricity in its body, which it constantly discharges, so coming too close to it will make your hair stand on end. Indeed, it even feeds on electricity generated by power plants, which can cause major blackouts in cities.

Pikachu crying over his broken ketchup bottle in "Showdown at Dark City"; season
1, episode 42. In said episode, two rivaling unofficial Pokémon Gyms, Yas and Kaz,
seek official status, but the situation gets out of hand. Ketchup, of all things, makes
an end to Scyther and Electabuzz's destructive tantrums, causing the two Pokémon
to start fighting each other.

By the way, I forgot to mention this in Scyther's entry, but as demonstrated in episode 42 of the first season of the anime series ("Showdown at Dark City"), both Scyther and Electabuzz are enraged by the color red. In this episode, they become violent when they get ketchup in their eyes and start razing entire Dark City to the ground. This characteristic is nowhere to be found in their respective Pokédex entries, however, and I personally think it was just made up as an excuse for including the infamous recurring gag of a ketchup-worshiping Pikachu.

Above: old official art of Electabuzz.
Below: Electabuzz's current art.
Both are drawn by Ken Sugimori. 

Anyway, Electabuzz is not the final stage of the evolution line: it got an evolution in the fourth generation. By giving Electabuzz an Electirizer and trade it to another game, Electivire can be obtained. And Electivire is a ferocious fighter: it pushes the tips of its two tails onto the foe, then lets loose with over 20,000 volts of electricity. Blue sparks begin to crackle between its horns as its electric charge amplifies. Sadly, that's about it when it comes to Electivire's Pokédex entries, but there is always the question, "What the hell was the inspiration for Elekid and its evolutions?" Well, Game Freak decided to go with the theme of electrical devices, although this is only the case with Elekid and Electivire; Electabuzz already existed, of course, and this thing is most probably based on the Japanese myth of the oni, some kind of horned ogre with tusks that wears tiger-skin loinclothes and is sometimes depicted as a god of lightning and thunder. Game Freak kept the tigerprint on Elekid and Electivire, but they look nothing like ogres: Elekid is kind of humanoid rather than reptilian and is based on an American and Japanese plug, while Electivire has traits of an ape and wears a mark on its back that resembles a power socket. Additionally, the horns on its head might be based off of Tesla coils. These are invented, as the name so eloquently suggests, by the Serbian American physicist and electrical engineer Nikola Tesla, and they are used to produce high voltages at low currents. Tesla used them for his experiments in electrical lighting, phosphorescence, X-ray generation, wireless energy transmission and electrotherapy, among other things, but their modern-day use is for entertainment and educational displays.

Wow, I'm being quite the teacher here. Heh.

Electivire in the anime.

Let's move on to the competitive use for Electabuzz and Electivire, shall we? Interestingly, Electabuzz prefers to fight using special-based moves, while Electivire is more of a physical attacker. Contrary to Electivire, there is only one way to go with Electabuzz: special. Its attack stat is actually not that bad, at least not for in-game purposes, but it is mediocre and it should not be used in the competitive scene. Its defenses aren't all that, especially not its defense stat, but as Electabuzz is still able to evolve, you can just slap the Eviolite on it to create a little bulk. A moveset consisting of Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Focus Blast and Hidden Power (the type varies on IVs, so you figure out yourself which type of Hidden Power you want) is recommended, although you can ditch Hidden Power for Psychic, Flamethrower or Signal Beam for a little type coverage. Electivire has the same amount of special attack as Electabuzz, but it got a lot of physical attack upon evolution for some reason, making it a fast physical attacker (although slightly slower than Electabuzz). Its access to Earthquake helps it a lot and therefore this move should be a must-have for it, as are Wild Charge and Ice Punch or Fire Punch. Also, I wonder why Electivire isn't a fighting type, because it has access to some amazing fighting-type moves, which I will list here for you to pick some from them should you so desire to use a few: Brick Break, Cross Chop (slightly inaccurate), Dynamic Punch (very inaccurate, should be avoided), Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Hammer Arm (awesome!), Low Kick, Power-Up Punch (rather weak, but increases Electivire's attack by one stage every time it is used), some weaker moves that aren't worth mentioning, and even Focus Blast on the special side of the attacking spectrum. Iron Tail, though inaccurate, is a viable option, as is Rock Slide. An egg move that may come in handy is the psychic-type move Meditate, which increases Electivire's attack stat by one stage, although you can just use Power-Up Punch for that while you still do a bit of damage.

Eerie fan art of Electivire.

Of course, natures, abilities and items are as important as moves, as they have a beneficial effect and can turn the odds in your favor. Electabuzz comes equipped with either the Static or Vital Spirit ability. Static has a chance of paralyzing the opponent when they make direct contact with Electabuzz, although you can just paralyze the foe with Thunder Wave if you wanna go that way; Vital Spirit is very much preferred over Static, as it prevents Electabuzz from falling asleep. That might come in handy against Pokémon that rely on sleep-inflicting moves like Spore, Sing, Hypnosis and Sleep Powder. Running a Timid nature is recommended to get the most out of Electabuzz's excellent speed stat, although a Modest nature works well with a Choice Scarf (but you won't get the defensive boost from the Eviolite!). Electivire also has Vital Spirit, but it might have Motor Drive when you evolve it from a Static Electabuzz. That ability gives it an immunity to electric-type attacks and boosts its speed when it is hit by one, too. Either ability is fine for it. Lastly, Electivire benefits from a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb or Choice Band/Choice Scarf to hold.

I was always more fond of Electabuzz than of Magmar, Electabuzz's fire-type counterpart, and Gen. IV was very kind to it. Electivire is one of the better evolutions from previous-generation Pokémon, and that can't exactly be said about Magmortar. I never used Electivire, but I am definitely planning to do so if that choice presents itself.

Rating: 4.5/5