#418 - #419: Buizel & Floatzel

It's been exactly two weeks since I last updated this blog, and I have only one reason for my absence: I just didn't feel like writing anything. I need a break sometimes too, guys!

Official art of Buizel by Ken Sugimori, which is courtesy of none other than
Nintendo and The Pokémon Company, even when it's mirrored.

Anyway, today's topic is Buizel, and by extension its evolution Floatzel. To be honest, I've never thought much about Buizel and Floatzel; they've never appealed to me all that much, but they've never offended me in the slightest, either - unlike a certain other Gen. IV Pokémon I don't even want to call by its actual name. Buizel and Floatzel were just... there. They're still just there, and I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing, because failing to evoke any response or emotion from people other than indifference is not going to make them remember that these Pokémon exist in the first place. Not easily, anyway. At least Pelipper will always be remembered for being an obnoxious little shit - and I believe it was created to purposely trigger people, but that's beside the point. To a certain degree, Game Freak are doing an excellent job when they create a Pokémon that summons feelings of rage and/or resentment in the fandom, although being indifferent towards a certain Pokémon probably has a much better effect on your blood pressure in the long run.

Two happy Buizel. 

Buizel's design is... interesting. This mustelid with fins has a large yellow flotation sac around its neck that it can inflate whenever necessary, but as it's a pure water type you'd think it wouldn't need that flotation device, right? Maybe it has trouble keeping its head out of the water when on the lookout for prey, and the inflatable collar keeps it afloat. I don't want to nitpick, but we've seen weirder aquatic mammalian Pokémon that could stay afloat or keep their heads above water without a flotation device just fine. Plus, they don't have the downside of this device collapsing when they go diving. The thing is that Buizel and Floatzel's designs are commonly believed to have been derived from river otters (even though its German name Bojelin is derived from Hermelin, the German word for 'stoat' or 'ermine', and I personally believe they look more like weasels), so I don't really understand why the whole buoy aspect was integrated in their designs in the first place, but oh well. The two tails Buizel has are used to propel itself through the water by rotating them like a screw, though, making it an agile swimmer nonetheless. Floatzel's flotation device is more like a buoyant vest, although the life jacket theory can be thrown overboard - pun most definitely intended - when it's laying on its back in the water, as the flotation sac could be interpreted as a dinghy instead, especially when Floatzel uses its tails as a propeller and its fins as oars. As opposed to Buizel, however, Floatzel apparently has more control over its flotation device, being able to deflate it when diving and inflate it once again when it wishes to resurface. It is therefore often used as a lifeguard Pokémon to assist in the rescues of drowning people.

Now that I think about it, Floatzel makes a whole lot more sense than Buizel...

Bijschrift toevoegen

How does Floatzel fare in the competitive scene, though? Well, while it is very strong and speedy physical attacker, it is as fragile as a porcelain vase. Its base 85 HP can't save its garbage base 55 and 50 defenses, which means it will almost always be knocked out instantly when hit by a super-effective or STAB attack, and definitely when it's a super-effective STAB attack. Even though its only weaknesses are electric and grass and grass-type moves aren't prevalent in the competitive metagame, the chances of Floatzel surviving a hit are pretty slim. That's why you should let your Floatzel attack before it gets hit, rocking a powerful Jolly nature and a Choice Band or Life Orb as its held item. You don't have a whole lot of choices when it comes to moves, unfortunately: Waterfall, Ice Punch and Aqua Jet are must-haves, while Aqua Tail, Pursuit, Crunch, Brick Break, Low Kick and Iron Tail are the only other viable physical-based options for you to consider. I gravitate more towards Crunch or Brick Break, for the sake of type coverage as well as strength and accuracy. Lastly, make sure Floatzel has its hidden ability Water Veil, which prevents it from getting burned, as the speed boost in the rain that it gets from Swift Swim is purely situational, unless you use it on a rain team.

Also, Smogon mentions special movesets for Floatzel, and I don't understand why. Yes, moves like Hydro Pump and Focus Blast are stronger than Waterfall and Brick Break, but they are also inaccurate and therefore more unreliable than you'd prefer. Most of the time you're better off using physical attacks due to Floatzel's superior attack stat as well as Waterfall and Brick Break's beneficial secondary effects.

GIF of two Buizel and two Floatzel jumping out of the water.

Like I said, I was - and I am still - indifferent towards both Buizel and Floatzel. I know Ash owned a Buizel, but that's not going to improve my rating at all. I have never seen the Diamond and Pearl saga of the anime to begin with, so I wouldn't know what this Buizel was actually like when being with Ash, and if I recall correctly, Buizel originally wasn't even Ash's Pokémon. He traded his Aipom for Dawn's Buizel, because Aipom was more interested in Dawn's Contest-oriented training and Buizel was more interested in Ash's training for Gym battles, which I also mentioned in Aipom and Ambipom's review. I wrote that article more than 15 months ago, so kudos to me for actually remembering that. As for Floatzel... Well, it does have an interesting design and flavor, and it's definitely not a terrible Pokémon to use competitively, so I guess I could spare it 3.5 stars for being a more-than-decent Pokémon all around. Personally, I'm just not interested in using it in any way possible.

Some Pokémon just aren't my cup of tea, even though there's absolutely nothing negative I can say about them. I guess Floatzel is one of them.

Rating: 3.5/5

#417: Pachirisu

I shall never underestimate Pachirisu in my life ever again, that's for sure.

Adorable little Pachi running around in an open field.

While Plusle and Minun served the purpose of showing the synergy between certain Pokémon in Double Battles, Pachirisu seems to represent Gen. IV's connectivity to the Internet: its color pattern matches that of the official Nintendo Wi-Fi logo, its face marking and the spikes on its tail both bear resemblances to a W, and it appeared on the Wi-Fi connection screen on Diamond, Pearl and Platinum. Characteristically, Pachirisu is nothing more than an electric-type squirrel doing squirrel things... with a creative twist. Pachirisu sheds its fur, which it shapes into statically charged furballs. It hides its favorite foods -mostly berries - in these furballs, after which it proceeds to store them in tree holes. If a human or another Pokémon tries to take the food, they will get shocked from the static, so it does so to protect the food. Pachi is more than just a bunch of fluff making furballs crackling with electricity, though; it also rubs its cheek pouches against those of others of its kind in order to exchange stored electricity, it grooms its fluffy tail with the utmost precision, and it uses its impeccably spotless tail as a pillow by curling it around the front of its body.

D'awww, isn't it cute? 

There's nothing overly exciting about Pachirisu, other than the fact that the audience went wild when Sejun Park (officially Park Se-jun; in South Korea - as well as in quite a few other Asian countries - the family name comes before the given name) won the 2014 Pokémon World Championships with none other than Pachirisu on his team. He even took a small Pachi plushie onto the stage with him as a lucky charm. That is not to say you can freely create a competitive set for Pachirisu and expect it to work as amazingly as it did for Park, as the Pokémon World Championships are played in a Doubles format and that is exactly the format in which Pachi has a chance to excel. I usually talk about Singles when I mention competitive sets in my reviews, but I guess talking about Doubles is unavoidable in this case. Pachi's job is to lead incoming attacks away from its ally and draw them to itself with Follow Me, even healing some HP with a Sitrus Berry in a pinch, only for the more powerful ally to hit the two opposing Pokémon hard and fast without getting hurt. Surprisingly enough, Pachirisu possesses some substantial bulk to pull that off, but only when it has a defense-boosting nature and most EVs are invested in HP and defense. Rounding out its moveset are Protect for stalling, Super Fang to take away half of the opposing Pokémon's remaining HP, and Nuzzle to paralyze the foe. The latter even deals some damage, potentially breaking a Focus Sash or Sturdy, which is why this move is only available to Pikachu clones. In a one-on-one format, however, Pachirisu is considerably less usable. Its bulk works perfectly in Doubles, when attacks that hit multiple opponents are significantly weaker, but in Singles it still can't take a full-power STAB Earthquake from a Garchomp to the face.

Pika and Pachi rubbing their cheeks together. Look at these bundles of sheer
adorableness! 

I'm impressed Sejun Park actually managed to win the Pokémon World Championships due in large part to Pachirisu, catching opponents off guard and this way gaining momentum because they were unprepared, but there's just no way in hell that this Pokémon can be used effectively in-game or even in the Singles metagame - in-game because its base 45 offensive stats render it too weak, and in Singles because its bulk and utility moves fall too short in order for them to be effective. Pachirisu has the lowest base stat total of any Pokémon that was part of a winning team at the Pokémon World Championships, and that shows when using it in any way other than Doubles. It's still cute in its own right, though.

Rating: 4.5/5

#415 - #416: Combee & Vespiquen

Combee's hexagonal shape perfectly lends it for locking together
with others of its kind, thus forming a 'wall'. There is even a shiny
Combee thrown into the mix. 

So now it's time to introduce the most useless Pokémon in the history of the entire franchise: male Combee. While Combee is pretty weak in itself, Pokémon that are equally weak or even weaker are often still able to evolve into more superior versions of themselves. Male Combee are based on drones, male bees in a bee hive that are the products of unfertilized eggs and serve to mate with a fertile queen bee. Unlike the female worker bees, drones don't have stingers and do not gather nectar and pollen. This is exactly the reason why only female Combee evolve into Vespiquen, which wouldn't be a problem if the gender ratio hadn't been 87,5% to 12,5%, with male Combee notably dominating the scene. In Diamond and Pearl, it was a very elaborate and tedious task to get Vespiquen, as Combee only appeared in Honey trees. In order to catch one, you had to slather Honey on designated trees and wait at least six fucking hours before a Pokémon appeared. Even then you couldn't be sure you'd get the right species of Pokémon - which is determined at the time a tree is slathered, so saving the game and resetting doesn't work - and if you did manage to get a Combee, you would have to get a female one in order for you to get Vespiquen at all. It's too much of a hassle for a Pokémon that isn't even that good in the first place, but whatever...

Some nice fan art of female Combee.

Admittedly, Combee's design is fairly interesting, aesthetically reminiscent to honey bees (well, duh!) as well as honeycombs. Combee is composed of three pieces of orange hexagonal honeycomb, and each hexagon has its own round face. The bottom-center one is the main thinker of the three and is also the only one to have a red mark on its forehead (if female) and a full abdomen, while the top two 'bees' coordinate the flying. Combee is almost always found collecting nectar, carrying it from flower to flower or taking it to its colony to please the queen, although the collected floral honey can have other purposes as well. When not gathering honey, it sleeps or protects its queen, which it does so by risking it life and recklessly attack any threats or by creating a hive with other Combee and locking together into some kind of wall.

Big bad Vespiquen comin' at ya.

Speaking of queens, the English name of Vespiquen is the only one referring to wasps rather than bees. It comes from vespa, which is Latin for wasp, although it's also the name given to a genus of wasps - specifically hornets. Granted, Vespiquen's black and slender waist connecting its abdomen and round upper body kinda give it the aesthetic of a paper wasp. More than anything, however, it seems to embody an entire beehive, not only because it's the queen bee or looks like real-life queens in some ways - the horn-like projections on its head resemble a hairstyle historically favored by early medieval-period English queens, and its lower body looks like an elegant ballroom gown - but also because there are honeycomb-like cells underneath its abdomen that serve as a nest for its grubs, making them do its bidding by excreting various pheromones while fighting foes. This manifests itself in-game in the fact that Vespiquen has access to no fewer than three signature moves, complete with animations that show several regular-looking bees performing a type of action: Attack Order to attack the foe for base 90 bug-type damage, Defend Order to raise Vespiquen's defense and special defense by one stage each, and Heal Order to recover half of Vespiquen's HP.

Vespiquen surrounded by its slaves. 

Unfortunately, Vespiquen's stats don't allow it to hit very hard or defend very well. Its base 80 offensive stats are okay for in-game purposes, but competitively they're practically unusable. On top of that, its base 102 defenses are backed up by a base 70 HP stat that could be considered no more than just okay, and its speed is just downright terrible. Also, Vespiquen has a quadruple weakness to rock due to its bug/flying type, and as Stone Edge and Rock Slide are prevalent in competitive play, it's bound to take one to the face eventually. Smogon mentions an offensive utility set supported by a Timid nature and a Life Orb, but do you really want that? You can probably 2HKO pretty much everything with a Bug Buzz when you're doing a regular playthrough, but a base 80 special attack stat really won't suffice in the competitive scene. In addition to that, Vespiquen is too slow to execute the utility part in 'offensive utility', so it won't be able to set up Tailwind effectively or take down a foe quickly with Destiny Bond, let alone do anything worthwhile with something else from its terribly shallow support movepool. It does get Defog, but only in the Gen. IV games, so you'd have to transfer it all the way from Diamond and Pearl to Sun and Moon. Not the worth the hassle. So, should you round out its moveset with two more special moves instead? Ironically, Vespiquen is able to learn the special-based rock-type move Power Gem naturally, while Sludge Bomb (via TM) might be a good option for the fairy types running around in competitive lately. A better option is to just make it physically defensive with a Bold nature and give it the Leftovers, but that's kind of redundant with such a terrible support movepool at its disposal.

Sadly, that's it. You could opt to go for a physical set instead, but the only good physical-based moves Vespiquen learns are Attack Order, X-Scissor and Acrobatics, the latter of which forces you to omit its held item from the set. And that's just... not favorable in the slightest, to say the least.

Funny fan art of Vespiquen seducing Beedrill. 

I like Vespiquen, I really do, but some Pokémon are designed or executed in such a way that makes them terrible while they were clearly supposed to be good. Vespiquen is one of them, and it's difinitely a pity it underwhelms me to some degree; I mean, its design and concept are sure interesting, but I boxed it in one of my Pokémon X playthroughs in favor of... well, Mothim, of all things. That Pokémon has something of an edge over Vespiquen due to its higher speed and access to Quiver Dance, and for some reason it also has far superior offensive stats. If anything, Vespiquen should have been a little bit faster and specially offensive in exchange for losing some of its physical attack, as I think it has no reason at all to have equally mediocre attacking stats in the first place, but that's probably none of my beeswax.

Rating: 4/5

#412 - #414: Burmy, Wormadam & Mothim

Burmy feeling uncomfortable losing its cloak.

As if the Gen. II Pokémon Pineco and Forretress weren't enough already, Diamond and Pearl gave us more bagworm Pokémon in the form of Burmy and Wormadam. Unlike Pineco, however, Burmy doesn't blow up in your face as early as level 6, nor does it have any useful moves in its level-up moveset. In fact, Burmy just uses Protect to avoid any damage on its persona, annoying players all around the world. This Pokémon learns a grand total of six moves, two of which can only be learned through a Move Tutor in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, so basically the only thing it can do is stall the player out and do nothing in particular. That sounds contradictory, but it's not. As Burmy is vulnerable in its bare form, it composes a cloak made of twigs and leaves that is thinner in hot weather and thicker in the winter in order to shelter itself from cold and wintry winds. It doesn't always stay in the same form, however: if its cloak gets broken, Burmy quickly remakes it with materials nearby. This manifests itself in the games quite well, as Burmy takes on a specific kind of cloak based on the location where it last 'battled' - Plant Cloak (green) in grassy areas, Sandy Cloak (beige) in caves or on beaches, or Trash Cloak (pink) in buildings.

Female Burmy evolve into Wormadam (bottom left), while male
Burmy evolve into Mothim (bottom right). 

Changing its cloak doesn't change the fact that it is a bug type, nor does it gain him an additional type on top of its bug typing. However, its cloak does have an effect on wich typing its evolution Wormadam ends up with when it evolves at level 20: Plant Cloak Wormadam is bug/grass, Sandy Cloak Wormadam is bug/ground, and Trash Cloak Wormadam is bug/steel. The cloak is now part of Wormadam's body and is never shed, and therefore this Pokémon cannot change its typing at will; it will always stay in the same form. Apart from their distinctive typings, the different forms of Wormadam also have their own unique base stat distributions: Plant Cloak is more specially oriented, Sandy Cloak is more physically oriented, and Trash Cloak takes a more defensive approach. Not that it matters much, because in this case, physically or specially oriented means a mediocre attack or special attack stat as well as a good defense or special defense stat backed up by a mediocre HP stat. A physically oriented Wormadam is terrible anyway, so Sandy Cloak is out. Trash Cloak is moderately defensive with its base 95 defense and special defense, but its HP is still lackluster and it can't attack for shit with those bad offensive stats, so that one is also out of the running. That means Plant Cloak is the only remaining Wormadam form, and with base 79 special attack and 105 special defense - along with access to Quiver Dance and a decent special movepool - it is the only one who is somewhat viable for an in-game team.

Yo, these moth Pokémon are drawn so well. Great style!
Clockwise starting from the top left: Dustox, Mothim,
Venomoth and Volcarona, with Masquerain in the middle. 

But as Burmy is based on a bagworm pupa that will metamorphose into a moth if male or remain a pupa-like creature if female, it also has another evolution. Only female Burmy evolve into Wormadam; male Burmy evolve into Mothim, who is - indeed - a moth Pokémon. It is one of the better ones in my opinion, especially compared to Venomoth and Dustox, but I guess I'm a little biased because I used one in a Pokémon X playthrough and I enjoyed it tremendously. Not only do I like its design and color scheme better than any one of the Wormadam, its stat distribution is far more workable, too: it has base 94 attack and special attack as well as slightly more HP and a significantly higher speed stat than Wormadam. Its base 66 speed stat still isn't anything to write home about, mind you, but it's pretty decent after a Quiver Dance boost and allows it to actually outspeed some things. And shit, does this thing have an awesome moveset for a goddamn moth; Bug Buzz, Air Slash and Psychic are level-up moves and will suffice to complete its moveset, although it also learns Energy Ball and Shadow Ball by means of TMs and Electroweb and Giga Drain when you take it to the Move Tutor in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. Too bad Mothim is so frail, but I guess it's a far more efficient Quiver Dance user than Wormadam. I wouldn't recommend using it competitively, but it makes for a more-than-decent addition to any in-game team.

Mothim in the anime series.

The only thing that really bugs me about Wormadam is that it learns Confusion, Psybeam and Psychic by level-up as well as Dream Eater by TM, which applies to all Wormadam forms and implies they all should have been part psychic, but absolutely nothing in their designs and/or flavor implicates that they have any psychic abilities. Mothim learns them also, but it's not uncommon for Game Freak to give moth and butterfly Pokémon psyhic-type moves like Confusion and Psybeam, to name a few. Wormadam, on the other hand, has no business knowing those moves and cannot make use of them effectively. It's fucking dumb, really.

A more realistic interpretation of Mothim. Although its body is now reduced to a
fluffy ball, I still think it's cute.

I don't hate Wormadam. If anything, I'm impartial towards it - I can't say that I'm the biggest fan of this Pokémon, but it's here now and I'm bothered by neither its design nor its flavor. Burmy and Wormadam are a sensible take on the traditional bagworm, only with a twist; even the pink Trash Cloak Wormadam with its bug/steel typing makes a certain amount of sense, as its cloak is based on the pink-colored building insulation material made of fiberglass. Mothim makes the exact same amount of sense as Wormadam, and even though it's nothing else but the zillionth bug/flying type, there are so many more things that I love about it, including its shiny coloration.

Oh man, can I just say that its shiny is downright gorgeous? It's definitely one of my favorites so far.

Rating Wormadam: 3/5

Rating Mothim: 5/5

#410 - #411: Shieldon & Bastiodon

Official art of Shieldon by none other than Ken Sugimori.

As the defensive counterparts of Cranidos and Rampardos, we have the rock/steel dual types Shieldon and Bastiodon. While steel is my favorite type, I am not the biggest fan of this evolution line. Resurrected from the Armor Fossil rather than the Skull Fossil, Shieldon is a ceratopsid dinosaur with a shield for a face and evolves into a ceratopsid dinosaur with an entire wall for a face. It's weirdly appropriate when you consider the fact that they're based on protoceratops andrewsi and the genus of chasmosaurus, respectively. The latter is known for containing species with head growths called frills, which have large openings called fenestrae in them, very much like the yellow marks on Bastiodon's protective growth that resemble windows in castle walls. Unlike Cranidos and Rampardos, who have quite the temperament, Shieldon and its evolution are docile and gentle Pokémon who wouldn't even hurt a fly - not that they could, because their offensive stats are absolutely atrocious, but I'll get back to that later. While Shieldon spends its time polishing its outstandingly armored facial hide against tree trunks instead of banging walls, Bastiodon doesn't even have to worry about that anymore: its wall-like face is so strong it can deflect even the strongest of attacks, which is why they line up and form an impenetrable wall in order to protect their young. Though in stark contrast to its superb frontal defense, it is vulnerable from behind.

A more realistic take on Bastiodon. I think it looks great!

Fortunately, Pokémon are facing each other in a Pokémon battle, so Bastiodon doesn't have to worry about its rear end in the competitive metagame. Also, it's not how the game mechanics work, either: if Bastiodon were to hit by a move like Phantom Force or Hyperspace Fury, two-turn moves that make the user vanish during the first turn and attack the target from behind in the following turn, its massive physical defense stat isn't lowered all of a sudden. And that's just as well, because Bastiodon is an extremely defensive Pokémon on both sides of the spectrum. Remember that I told you Rampardos is sometimes used as a suicide lead used for setting up Stealth Rock? Well, Bastiodon is so much better suited for that due to its defensive traits. Considering its base 138 special defense is lower than its base 168 physical defense, it often has a nature that boosts its special defense, such as a Careful, Calm or Sassy one. Combine that with Sturdy - an ability that leaves it at 1 HP when attacked at full HP, provided the attack would otherwise have knocked it out - and the Leftovers, and you'll have a Pokémon that is tough to take down. It is very vulnerable to fighting- and ground-type moves, but there's a nifty tactic that lets it take revenge in a snap: Metal Burst. If you make sure Bastiodon is at full HP and can take an Earthquake to the face, you can retaliate with Metal Burst, which is a Counter and Mirror Coat in one and does 1.5 times the damage dealt by the foe in HP points, either physically or specially. Unlike Counter and Mirror Coat, however, Metal Burst does not have decreased priority, so Bastiodon is the only Pokémon that can reliably make use of it because of its outrageously low speed stat. There's Aggron, Bisharp and Alolan Sandslash, but they're all powerhouses and benefit more from all-out physical attacks, and Solgaleo and Dialga definitely don't need it because they're relatively fast.

I'd almost forget completing Bastiodon's competitive moveset because I ranted on about Metal Burst. Well, that and Stealth Rock should be its staple moves, although Toxic is always a reliable classic and Roar can be used to remove Pokémon from the battlefield that are trying to set up. Alternatively, Magic Coat (so not Mirror Coat) reflects any moves that cause status conditions or put up entry hazards on your side of the field back to the original user.

Bastiodon looks menacing and intimidating, but it is in fact a very docile and
gentle Pokémon.

Shieldon and Bastiodon are a couple of oddballs. I don't know if the nose bone, reminiscent of those from various indigenous tribes, was intentional on Game Freak's part, but it's kind of putting me off and I don't think it was entirely necessary for design completion. The whole castle wall aspect is a bit confusing, as castles are a medieval occurrence and not a prehistoric one, but castles in the Pokémon world could have been inspired by Bastiodon's design, so I'll let this one slide. All in all, I like Bastiodon well enough, only for its moderately derpy design, but it's far from my favorite Pokémon. Steel type or no, this one is not getting a perfect or near perfect rating from me.

Rating: 4/5

#408 - #409: Cranidos & Rampardos

You'd think everything could only go downhill from here after all that praise for Luxray, but we're not even close to the end. Gen. V has the best roster of Pokémon out of all generations, and we'll have to wade through the majority of Gen. IV Pokémon before we get to the greatest Pokémon generation of all time.

The juvenile forms of all fossil Pokémon, with Cranidos at the far left, apparently
starting a skirmish with Tyrunt.

Fortunately for me, the 'struggle' is made easier by Pokémon like Rampardos, whom I have a soft spot for. I never realized the Gen. IV fossil Pokémon come so early in the Pokédex, especially since the player character can't start digging up fossils in the Sinnoh Underground until they arrive in Eterna City, which is pretty early on but still a couple of cities away from the last Pokémon we reviewed: you'd have to run some errands in Jubilife City, Oreburgh City and Floaroma Town before you get to Eterna City, and on the routes and landmarks between Jubilife and Eterna are a bunch of new Pokémon to be caught, including those found exclusively in Honey trees scattered all over the goddamn region. Why Cranidos and Shieldon appear so early in the National Pokédex is beyond me, but I guess the game developers had a reason for it. I'm not complaining; I just thought I'd point it out.

TCG art of Cranidos getting ready for... something.

In any case, Cranidos is a curious little critter, being based on the extinct species of pachycephalosaurus wyomingensis - or a pachycephalosaur for short. The species is known for their thick, ossified skulls surrounded by nodes and/or spikes, very much like Cranidos. The latter's main attacking prowess involves charging headfirst into its opponents, which is largely in line with the headbutting tendencies of the pachycephalosaur. 100 years in the past, Cranidos even used its skills to combat Aerodactyl, apparently engaging in a feud that ended until it went extinct. Practicing with others of its kind is a common leisure activity among the species, as their craniums are as hard as steel and they like to toughen them up by headbutting one another. When Cranidos evolves into Rampardos at level 30, the earliest of any fossil Pokémon along with Shieldon, the design is just being extended upon. While Bulbapedia suggests Rampardos is based on either stygimoloch spinifer or dracorex hogwartsia (yes, this dinosaur species is indeed named after Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from the Harry Potter series) due to its height and the larger horns, it is commonly suggested that both species are in fact juvenile specimens of the pachycephalosaur. There is no scientific evidence to back up that claim just yet, but let's go with it.

Tyrantrum vs. Rampardos. Whose Head Smash would hit harder? Rampardos
inarguably has the better attack stat, but Tyrantrum benefits from much better bulk
altogether. 

Essentially, Rampardos is just an upgraded version of Cranidos. This is not entirely a given in the Pokémon franchise, as quite a number of evolved Pokémon have flavor texts that differ from those of their pre-evolutions, but I guess in this case it's fitting. A charging Rampardos can knock down virtually anything with one hit, pulverizing even the most durable of objects upon impact. Its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Moon even states that records exist of a revived fossil that evolved into Rampardos, escaped and proceeded to destroy a skyscraper. On the other hand, if two of them were to smash their heads together, their foot-thick craniums would keep them from fainting. In short, Rampardos is a brute capable of destroying everything around it if it feels like it, demonstrated in-game by its massive base 165 attack stat. That's the highest of any fully evolved Pokémon, barring Megas and legendaries (Ultra Beasts included), and it doesn't even have an ability that hinders it.

Whew, this Rampardos is scary, goddamn.

But unlike Slaking, who has Truant to hinder its battle prowess, Rampardos's stats are either subpar or just downright bad. Its base 97 HP is great, but it doesn't have the defenses to back it up, and most of the time it is too slow to move first. There is a way to get around that, by breeding a Jolly nature onto it and giving it a Choice Scarf in order to effectively maximize its speed. Its base 165 attack lets it hit like a truck anyway, so you might as well max out its speed while you're at it. After that, though, the Choice Scarf lets Rampardos use only one move to attack with until it is switched out, so that in itself limits it as well. In that regard, ditching an attacking move for Rock Polish might be an option if you think you can pull it off. A Life Orb set with the hidden ability Sheer Force (removes added effects of moves in exchange for a 30% boost in power) and an Adamant or Jolly nature might also give you what you're looking for: Rock Slide is a STAB move that hits hard when boosted by Sheer Force - as well as Zen Headbutt, Crunch, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch and Iron Head, by the way - and Hammer Arm, Superpower, Earthquake and Outrage generally hit very hard when used by Rampardos. Another role it could fulfill is that of suicide lead, used for setting up Stealth Rock after living a hit at full HP with a Focus Sash. With its ability Mold Breaker, it can even negate the effects of abilities that could potentially affect the damage or effects of a move that it executes. There are other Pokémon who are much better suited for that role, though, and using Rampardos as a suicide lead is actually a waste of potential.

Also, Smogon mentions mixed sets on Rampardos, but I wouldn't recommend that in the slightest. Even with Sheer Force, its base 65 special attack doesn't allow it to hit hard with moves such as Ice Beam, Thunderbolt and Fire Blast in the first place, so I think you're better off with Fire Punch and Thunder Punch, just to new a few attacks.

Some nifty 3D art of Rampardos.

Cranidos and Rampardos are the only mono-type fossil Pokémon, but they are my favorites by a large margin. I agree with many people that Rampardos's design is a bit awkward and messy, but that is exactly why I like it so much. Also, the black-and-blue color scheme is one of the reasons why I love Luxray so much, and the same applies to Rampardos, albeit to a lesser degree. I used one in my very first Diamond playthough, also just like Luxray, and it demolished everything in its path. And that is exactly what I'm looking for in a Pokémon when casually playing through a game.

Rating: 5/5

#403 - #405: Shinx, Luxio & Luxray

What's not to love about Luxray's shiny form? Its beautiful
black-and-gold color scheme mixed with orange is so... perfect!

When I started this blog a little over two years ago, I did it with the intention to review every single Pokémon in existence. Ever since, I couldn't wait until I would arrive at my favorite Pokémon of all time, and today is finally the day that I can gush about it all I want. Those of you who have been keeping up with this blog long enough will already know that Luxray is my favorite Pokémon, as I said it a couple of times in other entries, not to mention that some of you may have been bold enough to read my previous blog (which, by the way, is muy cringy) despite my warnings. Those of you who have not been around for that long at all should've seen this coming as well: in the introduction text at the top of my blog I clearly present myself as The Shiny Luxray, which is the name of this Blogger account and the most obvious indication of which Pokémon actually is my all-time favorite. I fell in love with Luxray the very moment I first laid eyes on it in my very first Pokémon Diamond playthrough in 2007. Like many first-time players of this game, I was using Shinx, who was available on one of the first routes after receiving your mandatory set of Poké Balls from the Professor. I knew Luxray would forever be my favorite Pokémon from the moment it had evolved from Luxio, even knocking the majestic Lugia from the throne. And while my fairly recent love for steel types caused Steelix to have been elevated to a solid second place, not even a giant metal snake will be able to dethrone this awesome electric-type lynx.

I'm so happy Luxray got a recurring role in the anime as Clemont's most important
team member. At least it didn't make a one-time appearance like most Pokémon
do. Also, look at how big it is; Clemont could hop on its back and make a ride on it.

So now I have to sum up everything I love about Luxray, right? Here goes nothing.

1. The animal it's based on
Cats - or felines in general - are my favorite animals, and I have to say Game Freak have done a decent job creating some interesting Pokémon based on them so far. Luxray is the biggest and baddest of them all, though, with one of the most interesting designs as well. While it looks a bit like a lion, it is actually based on a lynx; in European mythology, the lynx was said to have the power to see through solid objects. It'll make sense in a bit, I promise.

2. Its typing
Persian, Delcatty, Purugly and even Pyroar... All of these cat Pokémon got the generic normal type, and Luxray is one of the few felines deviating from that. Shockingly, it's an electric type, with also just one weakness but far more elemental benefits due to the abundance of water- and flying-type Pokémon in the franchise.

3. Its design and color scheme
These two go hand in hand, and I must say Luxray should be one of Game Freak's proudest achievements. It has a very streamlined design with a brilliant black-and-blue color scheme that is not used often enough on electric types. There are hints of yellow in its design, of course, and because I'm not a big fan of yellow in the first place, I'm glad this color was toned down in Luxray's design.

One big happy family. 

4. Its facial features
Dammit, how can you NOT love those eyes? Elaborating on the design argument, Luxray's gold eyes with red sclera are quite unique even for Pokémon standards and make it look like a lunatic. It's not really that maniacal, of course, but its eyes definitely give it a much more menacing look. Also, it can do a special little something with its eyes that I'll talk about later. And then the cute oval-shaped ears and that red button nose... I CAN'T EVEN!

5. Its mane
There is only one way to describe its mane: majestic. And it looks so good on it, goddamn.

6. Its shiny form
While I'm not a shiny hunter per se, I literally did everything I could to obtain a shiny Luxray via the GTS when Pokémon X and Y came out. I wanted one so badly, and eventually I even managed to obtain a competitive one with its hidden ability Guts. That black-and-gold color palette with some orange touches is just... perfection! And yes, I consider shiny Luxray's skin color gold rather than yellow.

7. Its name
There's no other word for it, its name just sounds so incredibly cool. And while I think most Japanese Pokémon names sound silly, I have to admit that even Rentorar (レントラー) - which is derived from the inventor of x-rays, Wilhelm Röntgen, and the Japanese word for 'tiger', tora - has an intimidating sound to it; it almost sounds like 'roar'.

Luxray letting everybody know it's the only true heir
to the throne. "Hear me roar!"

8. Its posture
Can you say Luxray is beautiful? I definitely think so, and as I'm gushing about it I might as well say it looks incredibly royal and elegant somehow. In fact, I'm starting to think sphinxes might have been the inspiration for Luxray as well, giving it a somewhat Egyptian appearance.

9. Its characteristics
What makes Luxray so incredibly awesome is its extraordinary eyesight. It can see through most object and walls, like x-ray vision, so there's practically nothing that can go unseen by it. Being a predatory Pokémon, it even spots prey hiding in the shadows, but when tamed and trained correctly it can become very domestic and loyal, protecting its Trainer from danger. It does need a lot of compassion and praise to maintain its satisfaction, as Luxray tend to be proud and stubborn creatures, and abusing it can make it very antagonistic and vengeful towards its Trainer. I would love to have a Luxray by my side, but even then I don't understand why you want to abuse one in the first place. Like most sane people I am against animal cruelty, which is obviously a given, but I guess in this case I think you have to be deserving of Luxray's attention and loyalty as well. When you give some love, you get some in return. Also, Luxray can administer extreme amounts of power through their electricity, but as it's an electric type that's kind of a cop-out.

10. It tries to break the mold
Luxray is unique in the fact that it's one of only few physical-based electric types, introduced right when the physical/special split occurred. While a great in-game asset, it wasn't much of a competitive Pokémon until it got better moves and an awesome hidden ability in Guts one generation later.

11. Its role in the anime
While originally getting just a couple of cameos in the Gen. IV adaptation of the anime series, it got a recurring role as Clemont's main Pokémon in the X and Y saga, saving it from obscurity. I'm glad it got a little bit of attention, at least. And let's not forget about Volkner's Luxray, who definitely gave Ash a run for his money.

This Luxray in Pokémon Conquest sure looks menacing and intimidating. In the
Netherlands, we have a proverb that sums it up very well: Het is geen katje om
zonder handschoenen aan te pakken is basically the equivalent of 'to treat
someone or something with kid gloves', but literally translates to, 'It's not a cat
to handle without gloves.'

12. Its appearance in Pokémon Conquest
This one might be stretching it a little bit, but just look at Luxray's stance in its official artwork for Pokémon Conquest. It's just ready to kick some fucking ass, goddammit! Conveniently, you can actually recruit the warrior owning a Shinx after defeating her and taking her kingdom by meeting a few requirements, but once you've done that she's ready to help you invade other kingdoms in Ransei with what will eventually be a kick-ass Luxray!

13. The fan art
Have you taken a look on Google Images already? Only by inserting 'Luxray' you'll find the most awesome and badass fan art of this Pokémon. The design of a quadrupedal electric-type cat lends itself well to fan art like that, too. There's definitely no shortage of Luxray fan art on the Internet and I am having a hard time choosing from amazing drawings for my article as I'm writing this.

LOL. Whoever drew this reference to The Lion King is a genius!

And now we've reached the end of 13 Reasons Why. All jokes aside, though, Luxray is not without its flaws. Competitively, it is not used by an awful lot of people, and the reason for that is because it's tricky to use. Base 80 HP and base 79 defenses aren't extremely useful on a relatively slow Pokémon, but with a little luck your Luxray will survive at least a couple of hits before it goes down. The problem is that you definitely want one with the Guts ability, which increases the user's attack stat by 50% when suffering from a status condition, and the only way to reliably activate it is by giving Luxray a Flame Orb to hold. The Toxic Orb is possible too, but burn has been nerfed in Gen. VII and now takes equal to 1/16 of a Pokémon's health every turn, which is half the amount of damage poison would cause. Another problem is that Luxray should definitely rock out with Wild Charge, a physical-based electric-type move that also causes recoil damage. Along with the Flame Orb and its low speed stat, that's going to wear Luxray down significantly. You'll be lucky to dish out a couple of hits, but at least Luxray's base 120 attack stat allows it to do just that. With an Adamant nature, it can hit even harder, but you could also opt for a Jolly nature to make it as fast as possible. At least it doesn't lack the movepool to complete a Flame Orb set, having access to nifty moves like Ice Fang, Fire Fang, Superpower, Crunch, Iron Tail, Facade, Protect and Night Slash.

Two Luxray beating each other black-and-blue.

Also, you could make Luxray somewhat physically bulky in exchange for some power by using one with the Intimidate ability, which lowers the opponent's attack when Luxray enters the battlefield. This still leaves it susceptible to special sweepers, but I guess you can't have everything. The other regular ability it has access to is Rivalry, which lets it deal more damage against Pokémon of the same gender but less damage to Pokémon of the oppositie gender, which is naturally not the preferred ability for Luxray and I would even try to avoid it in a regular playthrough.

To summarize, Luxray is - unfortunately - not the best Pokémon in the competitive metagame, which is why I didn't mention its battle prowess as one of the reasons why I love it. That is not to say that stops me from loving Luxray altogether, I just wish Game Freak had made it a little bit better competitively so that it would have been a more popular Pokémon. Then again, my love for Luxray feels so special that I'm wondering whether I really want it to become as popular as Pokémon like Charizard, Mewtwo and Lucario. It's still a great asset to any in-game team, though, so definitely don't hesitate to use it!

This is Clemont's Luxray when it was still an adorable little
Shinxie.

But enough about Luxray for a minute; didn't I say I would be talking about all Pokémon? Luxray has pre-evolutions as well, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned them yet. Of course, it all starts with cute little Shinx. To be honest, I don't think I would've used it if it hadn't been so adorable to me the instant I laid my eyes on it, and my love for Luxray would have come much later (or maybe wouldn't even have been this strong in the first place) if that had been the case. I actually developed a bond with the very first Luxray I had, and that definitely fueled my love for this Pokémon to a great extent. I was actually sad once the adventure was over. Anyway, Shinx bears resemblance to a lynx kitten or a lion cub, but considering Luxray's flavor it is probably the former. If Shinx senses danger, its fur gleams brightly to blind predators so it can flee, and this electricity is produced by the extension and contraction of the muscles in its forelegs. The only one I'm not big on is Luxio, who honestly kinda looks awkward to me, but at least it evolves from Shinx at level 15 and evolves into Luxray at level 30, so I never have to put up with it for long. There isn't much to say about it, either, apart from the fact that it communicates with others of its kind by electroreception via its claws, generating the necessary electricity by gathering their tails together.

Luxray BREAK, one of the TCG cards in my possession. This art is just flat-out
AMAZING! I'm sure you don't want to deal with this little kitty. 

Luxray is - and will always be - my all-time favorite Pokémon. My love for this Pokémon runs so deep, in fact, that I kept on collecting TCG cards of Shinx, Luxio and Luxray and put them in a special binder, even though I quit TCG approximately nine years ago. Yep, that's how much I love Luxray. This Pokémon will forever hold a special place in my heart, and I doubt any new Pokémon will ever take over. At the end of the day I'm just biased, of course, but isn't every Pokémon fan when they're talking about their favorite Pocket Monster?

Anyway, guess what my rating's gonna be...?

Rating: 5/5

#401 - #402: Kricketot & Kricketune

Kricketot soaking up some sun.

This little critter is curious in the fact that it's not your average early-game bug Pokémon; it's neither a larva nor a catterpillar, and it's definitely not a generic-looking spider or ladybug. Instead, we get a cricket or beetle with a conductor motif, complete with collar, tuxedo shirt and shiny shoes. The only thing that's missing is a bowtie, although not every music conductor wears one, admittedly. It's a bit of an unconventional design for a Pokémon, to say the least, but it makes for an interesting one, combining a human aspect with something many people have an aversion to: insects. That gets worse when Kricketot evolves into Kricketune, who is more distinctively an insect than its pre-evolution. The conductor motif is still visible in its design because of its mustache and cape-like wings, but its body now has the shape and aesthetics of a string instrument, most notably a violin. Kricketune's round shape and weird antennae makes it look a bit like a violin beetle, although the general inspiration for its name and design is still the cricket due to its habit to make chirping noises by rubbing their legs on their abdomen. Making sounds is generally all that this evolutionary line is about, anyway. In order to communicate with others, Kricketot shakes its head back to front, causing its antennae to hit each other and make xylophonic sounds that are considered hallmarks of the fall. Kricketune, however, is able to compose more refined melodies ad-lib. The improvised tunes it creates are used to convey its many emotions and sound so captivating because it resonates its cry in the hollow of its belly. Apparently, Kricketune's captivating melodies have inspired lots of people in the Pokémon world, as scientists are studying its melodic patterns and a village somewhere in what I assume is the Sinnoh region hosts an annual contest based on its amazingly variable cries.

I imagine Kricketune composing some its finest tunes here. 

I wish that Kricketune was as interesting competitively as it is flavor-wise, because its best stat is literally its base 85 attack stat. It's not fast, however, nor is it defensive in any way, so you'd probably wonder what it should be used for. Well, it learns Sticky Web by level-up, and if you give it a Focus Sash as a held item as well as a Jolly nature, it might either outspeed the foe and set up its web or live a hit due to its Focus Sash only to set up its web afterwards, provided it's at full HP. Once set up, Sticky Web lowers the speed of every incoming Pokémon - barring any flying types or Pokémon with the Levitate ability - on the opposite side of the battlefield, but it's generally better just to use Galvantula for that. A base stat total of 384 is pretty bad and will leave you dissatisfied for sure. Kricketune might be a decent addition to an in-game team, as it learns quite a few physical moves that may make it somewhat usuable, among which X-Scissor, Leech Life, Brick Break, Knock Off and Night Slash. You might be able to do something with Bug Bite, Fell Stinger and Aerial Ace if you have the Technician ability on it, which raises the power of moves with a power of 60 or less by 50%, but this is its hidden ability and I believe it isn't available regularly. It's also useless on a competitive Kricketune, as it is used for utility rather than dishing out damage, sporting a moveset consisting of Sticky Web, Taunt (prevents opponents from trying to set up themselves), Knock Off (does damage and gets rid of the foe's held item) and Endeavor (causes the target's HP to equal Kricketune's current HP).

Kricketune playing its one arm with its other arm like a violin, creating some
captivating melodies as a result.

I honestly think Kricketune has an original design and flavor to it, but it is very limited by its competitive capabilities - or rather, its lack thereof. I've never used it and I probably never will, but its design is original and creative and I have to give Game Freak some credit for it. If only they had given this Pokémon some better stats, it would have gotten at least half a star more, if not one whole star. For now, though, Kricketune will have to do with a rrating of four stars, which isn't bad by any means.

Rating: 4/5

#399 - #400: Bidoof & Bibarel

There is hardly any serious fan art of Bidoof to be found on the
Internet, so here it is in all its TCG-art glory. 

Poor, poor little Bidoof. Just because it is considerably more abundant in Sinnoh than other typical early-game rodents like Rattata, Sentret and Zigzagoon in their respective games, it is one of the most hated Pokémon in existence. It doesn't really help that its name derives from 'doofus' and that its design isn't all that appealing, either; many people think Bidoof and Bibarel look ugly and stupid, and I have to say I don't fully disagree with them. I mean, I think they should really see a dentist to have those buck teeth checked, and I can't say Bibarel's stare makes it look especially quick-witted. Shiny hunters who are chaining for certain shiny Pokémon often consider Bidoof a living nightmare, as this little shit easily breaks their Poké Radar chains in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum. Its cry has also been mentioned as one of the reasons why it is hated so much, being described as irritating, eardrum-perforating, not enjoyable and 'that damn cry'. But even though other people hate it and its evolution tremendously, I've always liked these motherfuckers. Bidoof and Bibarel are based on beavers, and I think Game Freak have done a fine enough job giving Pokémon based on these lame and uninspiring animals a little bit of originality (with the emphasis on 'a little bit'); it never struck me as problematic that they were found all over Sinnoh, as other Pokémon were just as easy to find; I'm not a shiny hunter, so I wouldn't know what it feels like when Bidoof breaks your Poké Radar chain; and lastly, I've never had a problem with any Pokémon's cry aside from fucking Pelipper's.

Bibarel is a bit sluggish on land, but it's a swift swimmer.

None of these things have stopped naysayers from using Bibarel as an HM slave, anyway: being the first normal-type Pokémon paired with a type other than flying - water in this case, because it's a beaver - it can learn the highest amount of useful HM techniques. It has access to Cut, Surf, Strength, Waterfall, Rock Climb and even Rock Smash, which means you'd probably had a hard time deciding which HM moves you actually needed on it. Six out of eight ain't bad; it obviously cannot learn Fly and Defog because it's not a goddamn flying type, but Fly is always a good move to have on your Staraptor anyway, and Defog isn't even necessarily a requirement.

Being one of the most hated Pokémon yet one of the most used ones, albeit as an HM slave... Hmmm, the irony isn't lost on me.

Flavor-wise, there is absolutely nothing interesting about Bidoof and Bibarel. Bidoof's Pokédex entries are all bout its large incisors, which grow constantly and thus it has to whittle them down by gnawing on sturdy things such as rock and wood. While primarily based on the tail-lacking mountain beaver, its evolution Bibarel is based on the beaver as we know it, industriously damming up rivers with bark and mud in order to make a nest but somehow never causing them to overflow.

Bibarel.

That's pretty much all there is to say about these Pokémon, except when you count Bibarel's competitive capabilities. If used at all, Bibarel is used for one tactic and one tactic only: the Simple/Curse combo. Simple is an ability that doubles the effectiveness on stat changes, which means that the move Curse now increases Bibarel's attack and defense by two stages rather than one and lowers its speed by two stages rather than one as well. It's a quick way to get a physically bulky-offensive Pokémon with access to moves like Return, Waterfall, Aqua Jet, Quick Attack, Crunch, Superpower, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail, especially in combination with an Adamant nature and a Life Orb. Water and normal is a very good combination anyway, covering anything but a few dual-type Pokémon (ghost/grass, grass/steel, water/steel and water/ghost), so a moveset consisting of Curse, Return, Waterfall and Aqua Jet is usually more than enough. If necessary, Aqua Jet can be ditched for Crunch or Rest - the latter in conjunction with a Chesto Berry as a held item - and I guess a Swords Dance set isn't bad in combination with Simple either, but all of Bibarel's stats are pretty subpar and therefore I'd avoid putting a Bibarel on any team in the first place. And should you decide to use one anyway, don't you even worry about either of the other abilities it gets. Unaware makes Bibarel ignore the opposing Pokémon's stat changes, but that is purely situational and it unfortunately doesn't affect its own stat changes, so Simple is better in that regard. Moody randomly increases one of Bibarel's stat by two stages and lowers one by one stage every turn, which could end in either a success or a catastrophe for you. In this case, I assume you don't wanna risk it for the biscuit, eh?

In short, Bibarel is a risky Pokémon to use in the competitive metagame in the first place, even with a standard Simple set. Once the Diamond and Pearl remakes come around - which I'm sure won't be until at least 2019 - it'll probably be used abundantly as an HM slave again. And that's really the only thing it is good for. I'll give it 3 stars because I quite like its design and because it's one of the most effective HM slaves, but other than that it's definitely not one of my favorite Pokémon ever.

Rating: 3/5