#519 - #521: Pidove, Tranquill & Unfezant

Ah, yes, the obligatory early-game bird. How could I have forgotten that?

Right, because I waited two months until posting shit again...

Official art of Pidove, because there is literally no way to make
an ordinary street pigeon any less boring.

First off, Pidove is obviously based on those annoying feral pigeons you see in basically every big city throughout the world, not on a dove. Its heart-shaped chest could prove I'm wrong, but Pidove is gray and doves as we are all familiar with are usually white in color. Also, Pidove's flavor points to it being an ordinary city pigeon anyway, as it is accustomed to people and loud flocks of them are often found in city parks and plazas. I'm going to assume that Pidove is considered a pest, like real-world city pigeons, which are even labeled an invasive species in North America by the USDA. Pidove isn't particularly intelligent and often fails to understand its Trainer's commands - in fact, the new game Detective Pikachu portrays Pidove as so forgetful that it doesn't even remember its own name. Its evolution Tranquill, on the other hand, is always able to return to its Trainer regardless of the distance separating them. It is therefore based on homing pidgeons, a variety of domestic pigeon selectively bred for its ability to find its way home over extremely long distances. Many people believe that Tranquill lives in deep forests, where there is a peaceful place without conflict, which means that it may indeed draw inspiration from doves - because, as we all know, these birds are commonly used as a symbol of peace. Additionally, some of the works of Japanese poet and author of children's literature Kenji Miyazawa mention a fictional utopia called Īhatōbu (based on the Iwate Prefecture in Japan and often anglicized to 'Ihatov'), which is reflected in Tranquill's Japanese name Hatoboh
(ハトーボー) and its alleged war-free habitat.

Ash's Tranquill in the anime.

But even though Tranquill's design and color scheme are similar to that of a secretary bird, it can be seen as having pigeon-like features. Its final form Unfezant doesn't even look much like a pigeon anymore, but more like its namesake the pheasant. In fact, Unfezant seems to be one of these extreme cases of sexual dimorphism in Pokémon (the first being Hippopotas and Hippowdon), which also commonly occurs in birds, including pheasants: male pheasants are very colorful and quite beautiful, while female pheasants are paler and seem to be built to better camouflage themselves. More specifically, Unfezant may have drawn its inspiration from the green pheasants native to the Japanese archipelago, known for their dark green plumage and relatively large red wattles, not unlike male Unfezant - whose reddish pink wattle looks more like a mask. The females of this species are more brownish in color, just like female Unfezant, and lack the big wattles and vibrant colors the males are known for.

Flavor-wise, Unfezant doesn't seem to have anything interesting to say about. Males swing the ribbon-like appendages on its wattle to threaten its opponents, while females seem to be more adept at flying, which... Seriously, that's it? There's not even an explanation as to why this Pokémon's name contains a play on 'unpleasant'? There's literally nothing that indicates these birds are unpleasant aside from its classification as the 'Proud Pokémon', indicating they might act irritatingly haughty, but I'm pretty sure Piplup, Prinplup and Empoleon out-snob Unfezant in a competition.

Female Unfezant (up) and male Unfezant (down) probably
performing some kind of mating ritual. 

At the same time, Unfezant is easily outclassed in the competitive metagame by basically 95% of all final evolutions in the Pokémon franchise. It may have base 115 attack and 93 speed, but its mediocre defenses and shallow movepool keep it from being useful in competitive at all. Even worse, Unfezant gets Super Luck, an ability that increases its chance of getting a critical hit when all-out attacking, which stacks up nicely with two moves it learns that have a higher critical hit ratio: Air Cutter and Night Slash. Sounds nice and all, but unfortunately Air Cutter is a special move and Unfezant's base 65 special attack doesn't allow it to make good use of Air Cutter, while Night Slash is a dark-type move and doesn't even provide STAB. It's a shame Unfezant doesn't get regular Slash, which would have complemented its normal typing and physical offensive presence, but it doesn't seem like Unfezant gets anything noteworthy. It's decent for in-game purposes, as Return and Fly hit quite hard and Steel Wing provides excellent coverage against rock and ice types, but I would just recommend Swellow or Staraptor if you're looking for an offensive competitive bird. I mean, do you really want to resort to a Flyinium-Z-boosted Aerial Ace, or the inaccurate Hypnosis? A one-turn Sky Attack boosted by a Power Herb, perhaps? Trust me, Archeops - also native to Unova - can make much better use of that due to its higher attack and speed. Also, there are much better U-Turn users than Unfezant here. The only viable option at this point is to slap a Scope Lens on it to increase its critical hit ratio even further and hope for a miracle to happen.

Ugh, Unfezant, why must you be so bad?

A male Unfezant in the anime. It isn't Ash's, because Ash's Unfezant is female.

I think it's a shame that Unfezant is such a terrible Pokémon, because I absolutely love male Unfezant's design. And yes, I know I said it's decent for in-game use, but it's movepool is just so... lacking. I've always been hesitant about using it in a playthrough, and I probably would have used it already if it had been a little bit more diverse. As a result of its terribleness, Unfezant has become such an unpopular bird that there is hardly any fan art to be found of it on the Internet and I was pretty much forced to use official images and anime stills for this review more often than not. Despite that, I am willing to give Unfezant the benefit of the doubt because of its design and give it 4.5 stars rather than 4.

Rating: 4.5/5

#517 - #518: Munna & Musharna

Alright, so I was thinking I should shorten my reviews down significantly, giving you a brief summary of a Pokémon's origins and flavor and only mentioning its most common Smogon competitive set instead, but I know that would leave me greatly unsatisfied in the end. I will continue writing my reviews as I have done in the past three years, so perhaps you should get used to a less frequent posting schedule. At least I'll try not to take a two-month hiatus anymore, okay?

Munna, who has one of the simplest designs ever in Pokémon.

Having said that, the Kanto rip-offs really start with today's Pokémon. Purrloin and Liepard may be distantly based on Meowth and Persian - and only when it comes to their malignant personalities - but Munna and Musharna share much of their origins with Drowzee and Hypno. They seem to be based on traditional Japanese incense burners called koro, which are used in traditional tea ceremonies and have been developed to be used with insect repellent incense nowadays. These incense are often shaped like a pig and are richly decorated with all kinds of patterns painted on them, including the floral patterns that can be found on Munna - whose existence was even hinted upon in the very first Pokémon games, with an NPC stating that the Pokémon in the Rock Tunnel area are too chunky and that, quote unquote, 'there should be a pink one with a floral pattern!' The whole censer thing falls in line with Munna's ability to eat the dreams of people and Pokémon and project these dreams by expelling Dream Mist. This mist - which in Musharna's case is continually emanating from the mark on its forehead and can be used to create shapes of things from dreams it has eaten - will be pink-colored if the dream was pleasant, but Munna can seek out and cure people and Pokémon who are having nightmares, as someone whose dream was eaten by Munna will forget its contents. Musharna seems to distinguish dreams more adeptly, as the Dream Mist coming from its forehead changes into many different colors depending on the dream that was eaten.

That is probably why Fennel wanted the Dream Mist emanated by Musharna to finish her research on the Game Sync function of the C-Gear, a device that absolutely nobody in the entire world has ever used except to access the online single-player game called the Dream World, where wild Pokémon with their hidden abilities could be caught. You had to create an account at Pokémon.com (for international players) or the Pokémon Daisuki Club (for Japanese players) in order to get access to it, and at a certain point in time, players were given only one hour every 20 hours to explore the Dream World due to the large number of people accessing the site at the same time.

I never knew a Musharna plushie could be so cute, despite the
notion that its curled-up appearance is similar to that of a fetus
and the Dream Mist coming from its forehead looks like an
umbilical cord.

In any case, as Munna and Musharna seem to share some inspiration from the myth of the baku (fun fact: according to Google, Baku is - first and foremost - the capital and largest city of Azerbaijan), a tapir-like creature known for eating dreams, this is where Drowzee and Hypno come in. Pokémon Sun goes as far as to give Drowzee a Pokédex entry that states it is thought to share common ancestry with Munna and Musharna, indicating that the latter are, in fact, blatant rip-offs. As it was Game Freak's intention to sort of reboot the franchise with Black and White, it makes sense for them to hark back to some of their early designs, but Munna and Musharna are just different enough from Drowzee and Hypno to justify their existence. Even if you disagree with that, at least Drowzee's Sun entry is a nice attempt from Game Freak to rectify that. As for Munna and Misharna's names, they're derived almost entirely from Japanese, being a combination of mu ('dream') and mushamusha (onomatopoeia for eating, as they eat dreams) with a little bit of the Latin word for 'moon', luna, thrown into the mix. Additionally, there is a term/concept in the Japanese martial art aikido called munen or mushin, referred to as the state of no-mindness or no-thought, where the conscious mind becomes instinctual - which is a large part of what dreams are like - and isn't preoccupied by other thoughts. It seems a little farfetched, as Munna and Musharna are pretty motionless as is, but this martial arts term sounds an awful lot like their names.

Also, additional points to Game Freak for including the word 'yum!' (mjam!) in Munna's German name Somniam.

Musharna in the middle, with its kin sleeping on the Dream Mist
it is emanating. In the top left corner you can even see a
Drowzee trying to blend in with the rest of its alleged common
ancestors.

Last but not least, there is the question whether Musharna can hold its own in a competitive battle. Well, despite it being bulky as fuck, it was dropped to the lowest Smogon tier possible (PU) simply for the fact that it's not a very popular Pokémon to use. However, Base 116 HP and base 85 and 95 defense and special defense, respectively, are absolutely nothing to sneeze at and could make Musharna an excellent bulky pivot with Baton Pass, Moonlight, a STAB psychic-type move and either Thunder Wave or Toxic. Protect is an excellent move in order to scout what the opponent is going to do, while Heal Bell heals all status conditions inflicted on your Pokémon in battle, Magic Coat bounces any status move back to the opponent, Sleep Talk can be used most effectively in combination with Rest, and Reflect and Light Screen provide for some additional bulk to your entire team. Calm Mind - which raises the special attack and special defense stats by one stage each upon use - can be an option to make use of Musharna's excellent base 107 special attack, especially since it's able to learn a wide variety of special attacks. These include Psychic and Psyshock, but also type coverage moves like Dazzling Gleam, Shadow Ball, Energy Ball, Signal Beam, any type of Hidden Power and even Shock Wave and Charge Beam. Moonlight is basically required on any Musharna set, since it provides reliable HP recovery, so just pick a STAB move and one type coverage move that you feel is necessary in your upcoming battle. Just be aware that some moves can only be learned by Munna because of it being a stone evolution (in this case, Munna evolves into Musharna by exposing it to a Moon Stone).

Because Calm Mind raises Musharna's special defense and its base defense is lower anyway, I'd go for a Bold nature for it to take physical hits better, of course supported by the Leftovers as its held item. If you're really scared of a possible incoming dark-type attack, a Colbur Berry isn't a bad option at all. Some sets suggest a Life Orb or Choice Specs for offensive utility, but since Musharna is slower than molasses in January and has to take a hit first, that's asking for trouble. As for abilities, the only useful one in singles is Synchronize, which inflicts the same status condition to the opponent as Musharna was inflicted with by the opponent in the very same turn.

Some more amazing Musharna fan art,

As you're all probably aware of by now, I am not the biggest fan of Pokémon that look fat. To me, Musharna falls into that category; and even though its origins and flavor are interesting enough, they're so blatantly ripped off of Drowzee and Hypno's not-so-signature characteristcs that I wish Game Freak had put a little bit more effort into these 'new' Pokémon. I don't hate Munna and Musharna by any means, and their designs are totally unlike Drowzee and Hypno's, which I can appreciate, but they're by far my least favorite Pokémon introduced in the fifth generation. Still, if my least favorite Unova Pokémon gets three stars, you know what's in store for the rest of the Unova roster.

Rating: 3/5

#515 - #516: Panpour & Simipour

I could've been done with this review already if I hadn't decided to post my top 7 favorite Pokémon generations instead. Let's get this over with, shall we?

See no evil.

Panpour follows the same pattern as Pansage and Pansear in the sense that it is based on the same concept of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", a Japanese proverb used to describe people that turn a blind eye - as well as a closed mouth and a deaf ear, while we're at it - to things that are considered even slightly inappropriate. Panpour and its evolution Simipour represent the 'see no evil' part of this proverb, which is kind of obvious considering they're continuously depicted with closed eyes. However, Simipour also continues the premise that the evolved forms of the elemental monkeys are based on Japanese delinquents and failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys. While Simisage's design contains aspects of the yankii culture and Simisear's is based on bōsōzoku, Simipour derives certain elements of its design from 'kogal', the anglicized form of kogyaru, which involves school girls wearing an outfit based on their uniform - only with shortened skirts, loose socks, dyed hair and a ton of make-up. Kogyaru are assumed to care only about their looks (hence why Simipour failed to see no evil) and are considered vain and shallow, while the modern school girls' uniform has come to be percived as the dress code for promiscuity, easiness, greed and stupidity. Lastly, Simipour's chest fur resembles a volcano - much like the fur on Simisear's shoulders resembles smoke or steam and its entire design indicates that it is based on an active volcano - and may have possibly been based on geysers, the froth of a gushing waterfall, subaqueous volcanoes and cryovolcanoes, the latter of which erupts volatiles such as water, ammonia or methane instead of molten rock.

Unfortunately, Panpour and Simipour's flavor text doesn't seem to be all that exciting: Panpour's only mention that its geyser-shaped tuft contains water that is full of nutrients, while Simipour's mention that it replenishes its tuft by siphoning up water with its tail, which can shoot powerful pressurized blasts of water that can demolish a concrete wall.

3D art of Simipour.

Also, when you look at the foreign names of the elemental monkeys, Game Freak don't seem to be able to settle on which monkey these Pokémon are based on. Their Japanese names keep it fairly general and just contain the words 'ape' and 'monkey', but the French names of the basic forms - being Pansage, Pansear and Panpour - all contain the word sapajou ('capuchin monkey'), while their evolutions are apparently based on orangutans. The German names of the pre-evos are derived from Makak, which means 'macaque', the type of monkey that the wise monkeys from the Japanese proverb are usually depicted as. The prefix pan- from their English names is based on the genus name for chimpanzees, however, which the German names for the fully evolved forms seem to back: Cheeta, sometimes billed as Chita, is a chimp character who appeared in numerous Tarzan movies from the 1930s to the 1960s as the ape sidekick of Tarzan himself. This whole name origin thing is thoroughly confusing, and I wish Game Freak had paid a little more attention when naming the elemental monkeys. It is literally not that difficult to have them based on the one and the same kind of monkey/ape, especially since they don't look like hybrids in the first place.

Despite being fully evolved, these elemental monkeys don't seem
to have matured much. 

The only thing left to discuss is Simipours competitive viability, and I have to say that... well, its as bad as its contemporaries. As water is a great offensive typing mainly specializing in special moves, I wouldn't even recommend using Simipour as a physical attacker; I'd go with Scald, Focus Blast, Ice Beam and Nasty Plot instead. Perhaps you could get rid of the unreliable Focus Blast and give it Grass Knot or Substitute, but that's about it, basically. A physical set is possible, as Simipour learns Aqua Tail and Waterfall - as well as quite a few coverage moves such as Crunch, Brick Break, Throat Chop, Gunk Shot, Rock Slide, Ice Punch, Acrobatics, Superpower, Knock Off and Iron Tail - and hits hard whenever it's holding a Choice Band, but a special set is generally better because Ice Beam is considered one of the best coverage moves in the game and Scald has a chance to burn the foe. Of course, you should give it a Timid nature rather than a Jolly nature when going with a special set, but that's a given by now. Simipour should be holding a Life Orb at all times (remember: the Choice Specs don't work in combination with Nasty Plot), as this item has proved to be more than effective in the competitive scene... but personally, I wouldn't waste it on any of the elemental monkeys. I'd give it to a more useful water-type Pokémon; there are plenty of them to be found in the games, anyway.

Panpour (left), Pansage (middle) and Pansear (right), holding what seem to be
little figurines or dolls of themselves. I'm including this because I think it's cute.

That doesn't mean you can't use Simisage, Simisear or Simipour in a playthrough, however. I've used them all at least once, and they're fast and strong and get the job done perfectly. Design-wise, Simisage is my favorite and Simisear my least favorite, so I'll rank Simipour somwhere in the middle. All of the elemental monkeys have something charming about them, and I really don't understand why so many people seem to despise them. Unova is great, y'all.

Rating: 4/5

#513 - #514: Pansear & Simisear

Simisear ranked last in the Japanese Pokémon general election 720 poll to decide what would be distributed at Japanese showings of Pokémon the Movie: Volcanion and the Mechanical Marvel, so I guess it's safe to say that it was effectively voted the (Japanese) fandom's least favorite Pokémon, right? The fact that the elemental monkeys - barring Pansage, for some reason - all ended up in the bottom 100 of this big list is a testament to their joint unpopularity, and it's just... unwarranted.

All of the elemental monkeys depicted together, with Pansear
and Simisear in the middle.

Having said that, Simisear might just be the silliest-looking elemental monkey, with its sassy stance and that goofy look on its face. There's a reason for that, though. Its appearance of wearing a fur jacket and fingerless gloves - as well as its hands being outstretched like it's gripping a pair of handlebars - are reminiscent of traits of bōsōzoku, a Japanese youth subculture associated with customized motorcycles. Like Simisage and Simipour, Simisear is based on the Japanese tale of the three wise monkeys that together form the embodiment of the proverbial principle of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", which is used to refer to people who choose to ignore inappropriate things when they see them and even got its own (quite popular) emojis to be used on a variety of social media platforms. However, the idea is that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys; and as bōsōzoku gangs often like to remove the mufflers on their vehicles so that more noise is produced and people start complaining about noise pollution, it is obvious that Simisear is supposed to have failed to hear no evil. Even the names of Pansear and Simisear, with the suffix -sear being derived from 'to sear' as well as 'ear' or 'to hear', are direct references to the 'three wise monkeys' motif all elemental monkeys share with each other. And is it me, or are Simisear's ears larger than Simisage and Simipour's...?

Hear no evil.

But wait, what about Pansear? Well, its Pokédex entries only mention it living in volcanic cave and roasting berries with its tuft, which can reach temperatures of up to 600°F whenever it is angered - not the hottest I've seen in flavor texts of fire-type Pokémon so far. Simisear doesn't fare that much better: while bōsōzoku also like to engage in reckless driving, street races and getting into fights that may or may not include weapons, no such behavior is spoken of in Simisear's Pokédex entries, unlike Simisage's foul temper being derived from the yankii subculture. Simisear just likes to eat sweet foods in order to sustain the flame flickering inside its body, and it scatters embers from its head and tail to sear opponents or whenever it gets excited. I actually think this is far from exciting, and its competitive usage honestly does nothing to improve that. Simisear is pretty much the same as Simisage in that regard, with good offensive stats and speed as well as mediocre defenses, and the only difference being its fire type. Most of the fire type moves it has access to are special-based, and a Nasty Plot set supported by Fire Blast, Grass Knot and Focus Blast was a 'common' set to use prior to Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, but ever since you can breed the move Flare Blitz onto Simisear it is better to just run a physical set on it, especially with its superior physical coverage movepool.

Its moveset - accompanied by a Jolly nature and either a Life Orb or a Choice Band as a held item - should indeed consist of Flare Blitz, Knock Off (Crunch and Throat Chop might be more reliable in the end), Superpower and Gunk Shot, which is the same as Simisage's aside from the elemental move specific to its type. Rock Slide is unfortunately not as compatible with Simisear as it is with Simisage, although it is an option, and Acrobatics could come in handy when your own item is knocked off. Be wary with Flare Blitz, though, as it deals a significant amount of recoil damage to Simisear.

Here is a picture of Simisage in TCG, because there is literally nothing else I can
use for this blog. Good fan art of this thing is incredibly scarce. 

While I'm aware that I seem to be more critical of Simisear than of Simisage, this simply isn't true. Admittedly, I love Simisage a whole lot more than its contemporaries, but competitively Simisage is as bad as Simisear and I'd rather use something else in such a 'professional' environment. It's better to use the monkeys in a normal playthrough - although maybe not all three at the same fucking time - and have fun with them as you proceed through the story. Design-wise, I like Simisear even better than Infernape, the other fire-type monkey, but its strangely shaped lower body prevents me from giving it a higher rating overall. I just don't have the same love for it as I do for Simisage, and even Simipour is slightly better design-wise. Still, 3,5 stars isn't so bad at all for a Pokémon that is universally being hated upon.

Rating: 3.5/5

#511 - #512: Pansage & Simisage

The Striaton City Gym Leaders with their elemental monkeys.
From left to right: Cress (from 'watercress') with his water-type
monkey Panpour, Chili with his fire-type monkey Pansear, and
Cilan (from 'cilantro', which is what Americans call coriander)
with his grass-type monkey Pansage.

Holy crap, why does everybody despise these monkeys so much? I mean, I know Pansage, Pansear and Panpour aren't the most original Pokémon in the franchise, but Gen. V basically served as a sort of reboot of the series and a couple of elemental monkeys was Game Freak's brave attempt to teach new and inexperienced players the basics of the type system. While the first Gym usually revolved around rock types prior to Black and White (Brock in Gen. I, Roxanne in Gen. III, and Roark in Gen. IV), the Striaton City Gym had no fewer than three Gym Leaders and you had to fight the one who had the elemental monkey with a type advantage over your starter Pokémon. However, there's an area next to Striaton City called the Dreamyard, where an NPC would give you the elemental monkey that was strong against the one of the Gym Leader you had to fight. More complex type advantages were yours to figure out as the game progressed, but it was a great way to introduce this basic concept to people who were new to the franchise. Of course, this has more to do with gameplay mechanics and less with the designs and origins of the monkeys in question, but even then there are Pokémon that are far worse than Pansage, Pansear and Panpour and their evolutions, so I'm wondering whether the hate for them is justified even a little bit.

Even though Simisage is a grass type, it does look the most
intimidating compared to its counterparts.

I guess the biggest issue most Pokémon fans have with the three elemental monkeys - well, six, but there are three evolutionary lines - is that they're basically the same Pokémon, design-wise and competitively. The fans aren't entirely wrong: Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all have the same base stats and pretty much the same movepool, aside from the different elemental attacks specific to their types. Simisage, the grass-type monkey, therefore works the same way as its elemental counterparts, only with other weaknesses, resistances and type advantages. I don't know if I would recommend Simisage in a competitive setting, because it's quite frail and not very strong, but its base 98 attacking stats aren't so bad you can't do anything with them and its base 101 speed makes it pretty fast. It's better to use it in-game and give it the best physical attacks possible, especially since its special movepool is quite lacking, but I guess a Life Orb or Choice Scarf set with a Jolly nature should do the trick... for a while. Seed Bomb is a strong physical grass-type attack that will hit anything that doesn't resist it quite hard, Gunk Shot is handy to have for fairy types and other grass types, Knock Off is never bad as it gets rid of a foe's item aside from Mega Stones and Z-Crystals (although Crunch or Throat Chop might be more reliable in the end), and Superpower - as well as Low Kick and Brick Break - is a nifty fighting-type move that deals with steel types. Should you have a need for it, Simisage also learns Iron Tail, Rock Slide and Acrobatics, the latter being a base 55 move that gets doubled if the user isn't holding any item.

As for abilities, all of the elemental monkeys get Gluttony as their regular ability, although they could get the starters' signature abilities as their hidden ability depending on their type. As Simisage won't be holding any berry to use up prematurely anytime soon, Overgrow - which boosts grass-type moves by 50% whenever Simisage's HP is at 33% or lower - is the preferred ability here.

Speak no evil.

However, I don't agree with the fans when they say the elemental monkeys all look the same. Sure, it is obvious some design aspects of Pansage and Simisage were reused in Pansear, Simisear, Panpour and Simipour's designs, but this was done to all make them heavily associated as a group. The fact of the matter is that the three evolutionary lines all have different color schemes, hairstyles and flavor texts, which is exactly why I'm reviewing them separately. Even Latias and Latios, who are frickin' legendary Pokémon, look more alike than the elemental monkeys do. They do all share the same origins, though, as they are based on the Japanese tale of the three wise monkeys that together embody the proverbial principle of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", often used to refer to those who deal with impropriety by turning a blind eye. Pansage and Simisage are based on the latter, which becomes apparent when you look at their names: the suffix -sage is probably derived from the German word sagen, meaning 'to say', although 'sage' may as well refer to a type of plant or a wise person, the latter possibly relating to the 'three wise monkeys' motif all elemental monkeys share.

Simisage looking ready to kick someone's ass.

But the idea here is that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys, with Simisage failing to speak no evil, which is why it is suggested that they are all modeled after Japanese delinquents. I'll talk about the other two later this month, but Simisage seems to be based on yankii (indeed derived from 'yankee'), a Japanese subculture and suburban youth movement that embraces American trashiness, hence Simisage's pompadour haircut and appearance of wearing a leather jacket. Loud, rude and foul-mouthed, yankii openly reject the rigidity of societal norms and welcome rebellion and class distinction, which is probably why Simisage also looks the most like a ruffian compared to Simisear and Simipour and why it is definitely my favorite of the three.

Pansage starts out innocent enough, as it often offers other Pokémon the leaves on its head, which have the power to alleviate exhaustion and relieve stress. Upon evolving into Simisage by use of a Leaf Stone, it grows ill-tempered and fights by swinging its thorn-covered tail around wildly, while the leaves that grow on its crest become incredibly bitter. Oh Pansage, where did you go wrong?

3D art of Simisage.

While I have to admit that Simisear and Simipour look quite silly, it is not really the reason why I love Simisage so much more. I've actually quite bonded with Simisage when I did a grass mono-type playthrough of Pokémon Y, to be honest. I nicknamed my Pokémon after characters from The Walking Dead, but as my Chespin was a lady, it was the Pansage I caught shortly after the start of my adventure who got named Rick and actually carried the team through the entire game. It was a true leader. But the most important reason why I love Simisage so much is that I think it just has a better design overall. Like I said before, it looks more like a ruffian and less like a goofy caricature than its elemental counterparts do, and its intimidating looks make it look cool in some way. Goofiness has its charm, but in this case the cool kid takes the trophy home.

Rating: 5/5

#509 - #510: Purrloin & Liepard

Conveniently enough, the dog and cat Pokémon of the fifth generation can be found back to back in the Unova Pokédex, but the deceptive and miscreant Purrloin and its evolution Liepard couldn't differ any more from the timid and trustworthy Lillipup and its evolutions Herdier and Stoutland even if they wanted to, which I think is doubtful at best.

For some stupid-ass reason, Purrloin is always seen standing
upright in media other than its official art and Gen. V in-game
sprites.

You see, Purrloin is all about getting its victims to let their guard down by putting up a cute act so that it can steal their possessions, just to see the looks on their faces. Due to its charm, it is even forgiven easily when it is caught in the act, so it probably doesn't even see a reason to change its behavior anytime soon. It's just the nature of the beast. Even most of its names across the globe are a play on the word 'steal' - or a synonym thereof - and Páshǒumāo (扒手貓), literally 'pickpocket cat', is by far the most ingenious. Meow. It's a shame Purrloin's felonious nature is dropped when it evolves into Liepard, who gets more of a generic wildcat flavor. As it could draw inspiration from leopards and possibly other spotted wildcats like the leopard cat, ocelot, serval and even the black panther due to it being a dark type and having a dark coloration, it is unsurprising that Liepard's beautiful and slender physical characteristics are at the center of its Pokédex entries. Many Trainers are drawn to its fur and its beautiful form, the latter of which comes from the muscles it has developed and allows it to to run silently in the night, stealthily sneaking up on its target and striking from behind before its victim has a chance to react. It's even been known to vanish and reappear without a warning.

No need to act all haughty, Liepard. What's the problem,
didn't your Trainer provide you the right brand of cat food?

But however cunning Liepard may be, you know you're having a hard time in the competitive scene as an unscrupulous and merciless dark-type cat when you're easily outclassed by a timid and loyal normal-type dog. While Stoutland isn't fast, it is at least able to take a hit and retaliate appropriately, but the only redeeming quality Liepard has is its speed. Its base 88 attacking stats aren't the worst in the metagame, but you should at least have a bit of bulk to back up relatively mediocre offensive stats like that, which Liepard doesn't. That's a problem. I know it has access to its hidden ability Prankster, which lets it act first when it's using a status move, but you'll probably only be able to get off one attack due to Liepard's atrocious defenses. If anything, I would go for a set including a Jolly nature and a Focus Sash, with moves like Fake Out, Knock Off, Thunder Wave and something like Taunt, Encore or Copycat. Fake Out is a weak normal-type move, but it always goes first and some chip damage could turn the game into your favor in the end; Knock Off is pretty much Liepard's best STAB move, as it also knocks off the foe's held item (duh!); Thunder Wave paralyzes the foe and is affected by Prankster; and Encore locks the foe into an undesirable move if played right. Taunt and Copycat are options as well, but Taunt limits the foe to using only offensive moves, which is exactly what you don't want for Liepard unless you specifically meant for it to be death fodder, and Copycat is a status move that lets Liepard copy the move an opponent used last in order to revenge kill them if they're faster. It's gimmicky, but if you can manage to make it work, more power to you.

TCG art of Liepard. It is beautiful and it damn well knows that, too. 

Smogon also mentions weather utility sets (with Rain Dance or Sunny Day while holding a Damp Rock or Heat Rock, respectively) and even a Choice Band set, but... meh? I guess a weather set has its uses, but a Choice Band set isn't particularly recommended due to Liepard's mediocre physical attack and cardboard defenses. You don't even have to worry about its regular abilities, because you won't even need them. Unburden doubles Liepard's speed when its held item is used up (not knocked off), but Liepard doesn't really get anything that it can use effectively this way, aside from maybe a Focus Sash. Limber prevents Liepard from getting paralyzed, but opponents will want to attack it and get rid of it as quickly as possible anyway, so this ability is pretty much useless. Liepard does excel in playthroughs, though. While it has access to both Nasty Plot and Dark Pluse, its physical movepool is actually so much better, and when I did an all-feline playthrough of Omega Ruby I used a Liepard rocking Night Slash (I would totally replace that for Throat Chop now, but that move wasn't around back then), Play Rough, Gunk Shot and Seed Bomb. It is able to learn a few more coverage moves as well, but I just wanted to give you an idea of how diverse its physical movepool actually is and how good it can be in-game. I honestly had so much fun using one in Omega Ruby.

Badass TCG art of Liepard.

It genuinely sucks that Liepard sucks competitively, because I absolutely love this Pokémon. While I like Delcatty and Purugly to some extent, they are kind of bland, and Meowstic hasn't really found a place in my heart, either. Liepard is absolutely one of the better feline Pokémon in the game design-wise: its slender body, its graceful stance, its purple color scheme, its blood-red shiny form and its subtle body features such as the pink 'mask' and the sickle-like tail... my goodness, Game Freak have really stepped up their game with the fifth generation. I could go on like this, but I think I'd bore you to death if I did so, so I'll just conclude this review by awarding Liepard a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#506 - #508: Lillipup, Herdier & Stoutland

Readers who have visited my blog consistently over the past three years probably remember that I love cats and that I'm not the biggest fan of dogs. However, I feel like canine Pokémon are generally better than feline Pokémon, with Pokémon like Arcanine, Houndoom, Granbull, Lucario and - according to my crystal ball - Lycanroc all getting a perfect rating from me (but if you want to find out what rating Stoutland's getting, you'll have to scroll down or just keep reading).

Isn't it adorable, though?

Strangely enough, Lillipup and its kin are the first normal-type dogs we encounter in the National Pokédex. Of course, Snubbull and Granbull were normal types prior to Gen. VI, but they are now technically pure fairy types and have been since the type's introduction in X and Y in 2013. Lillipup is a cute little pupper that is popular among Trainers who live in apartment buildings because it doesn't yelp, while it is the perfect Pokémon for aspiring and beginning Trainers because it's intelligent, obedient to its master's demands and easy to raise. Its intelligence allows it to realize in time when it's at a disadvantage in a fight, only to turn tail and vamoose. However, when a foe is strong enough for Lillipup to handle, this courageous little Yorkshire Terrier - its Japanese name Yorterrie (ヨーテリー) is even based on the name for this breed - uses the long fur surrounding its face as a radar to probe the condition of its battle opponents and sense subtle changes in its surroundings. That's a lot of information to take in for just a basic Pokémon, but I swear Gen. VII is so much more informative on certain Pokémon than most other generations are. It is pretty good for early-game 'trash', especially when it evolves into Herdier pretty early on as well.

TCG art of Herdier.

Herdier looks much more like a Yorkshire Terrier than Lillipup does (with characteristics of Australian Silky Terriers and even Scottish Terriers), and its name is probably a reference to herding dogs - not to be confused with livestock guardian dogs, whose primary function is to guard flocks and herds from predation and theft, although both kinds of dogs may be called 'sheep dogs'. Trainers aren't as happy with Herdier as they are with Lillipup, apparently: the black, cape-like fur on its back is very hard and impervious and makes Herdier a troublesome Pokémon to train due to the high cost of properly grooming it. It is still loyal to its Trainer and even helps them raise or take care of other Pokémon, although it refuses to listen to people it doesn't respect. When it comes to the final stage of this evolutionary line, Stoutland, its wise disposition leaves no concern that it will ever attack people, though. Parents even trust it to babysit. It is intelligent, good-natured and valiant, and therefore it is a trustworthy partner on rescue teams, saving people stranded at sea or by blizzards in the mountains while its shaggy fur shields it and the people it rescues from extreme weather conditions - although Stoutland in Alola do seem to be a little uncomfortable. Its talent for rescuing humans in the mountains is similar to a St. Bernard's, don't you think?

Origin-wise, Bulbapedia offers the suggestion that Stoutland is based on a combination of a Shih Tzu and a Maltese, probably because of that truly magnificent mustache, although it is still obviously reminiscent of Yorkies and Scotties. Even its name is a reference to terrier dogs, as the Latin terra means 'earth' and the play on 'Scotland' refers to the Scottish Terrier it is based on.

Stoutland taking care of its young.

Its name doesn't lie, though, as Stoutland is pretty stout. Its base 85 HP and 90 defenses makes it a pretty bulky Pokémon in the competitive scene, even though its base 110 attack and 80 speed allows it to run a physical Choice Scarf or Choice Band set with ease. You'll have a more-than-decent offensive threat for your opponent to handle if you add an Adamant or Jolly nature and a moveset consisting of at least Return and a couple of coverage moves. It depends on what you need, really, but among the moves that Stoutland has access to are Crunch, Pursuit, Play Rough, Wild Charge, Psychic Fangs, the elemental fangs, Iron Head, Stomping Tantrum and Superpower. There are even three great abilities to choose from: Intimidate lowers the foe's attack stat and makes Stoutland even more physically defensive, Scrappy allows Stoutland to hit ghost-type Pokémon with normal-type moves, and Sand Rush doubles Stoutland's speed in a sandstorm and prevents it from taking any sandstorm damage. The latter is very handy when you have a Pokémon with the ability Sand Stream on your team, which whips up a sandstorm and allows Stoutland to come in with double speed. That's why Smogon suggests sets that involve an Adamant nature, as it outspeeds a lot of Pokémon after a Sand Rush boost, anyway.

An old Stoutland in the Sun and Moon series of the anime, in which it was living
with a wild Litten who would eventually become Ash's. They sought refuge in an
abandoned house and under a canal bridge, until Stoutland's health deteriorated
and it disappeared after being discharged from the Pokémon Center to save Litten
from seeing it pass away, leaving Litten upset.

Stoutland is a good boy. It already appeared in my list of top 50 favorite Pokémon, and my love for this cool doggo has not died down since. I always try to use a Stoutland in any of my Black and White playthroughs, just because it's such a good Pokémon, even late-game. Above all, though, I love Stoutland's design. Canine Pokémon are so much better than feline Pokémon in my opinion, even though I am a cat person and consider myself pretty much the 28-year-old gay guy equivalent of the old cat lady.

...I'm pathetic.

Rating: 5/5

#504 - #505: Patrat & Watchog

Patrat as seen in TCG.

I have absolutely no idea where to start with Patrat. Like Rattata, Sentret, Zigzagoon and Bidoof, it is the mandatory Route 1 normal-type rodent and there isn't a lot to say about it other than its biological origins and the fact that a lot of people seem to despise it for some reason - and perhaps its evolution Watchog is hated even more by the fandom. I don't have a problem with any normal-type rodent in the franchise, let alone any Gen. V Pokémon, so I think the hate for it is unfounded and unjustified. In fact, Patrat's design and flavor are kind of interesting in my opinion, finding their inspiration in meerkats, African mongoose-like critters that stand sentry to look out for predators and warn others of approaching dangers - although it kinda looks like a chipmunk of some sort, if I have to be honest. According to the Dutch Wikipedia page, a bevy of other animal species take advantage of the warning cries from meerkats on guard, which is why the meerkat is called 'the warden of the desert'. Add to that the fact that Patrat - with the emphasis on the second syllable, because its name derives from 'patrol' - is very conscious and wary regarding its surroundings and is always on guard, and the likelihood that it is based on meerkats raises even more.

To make matters confusing, though, the English 'meerkat' is a loanword from Afrikaans, which in turn has a Dutch origin... but by misidentification. The Dutch meerkat stems from the Sanskrit markaṭa (मर्कट), meaning 'ape', and is used to specify the guenon monkeys from the genus cercopithecus, whereas the Dutch word for 'meerkat' is actually stokstaartje (literally 'stick tail'). This name is reminiscent of how Patrat's tail is mostly used to communicate with others of its species; it is almost always standing up straight and is raised whenever Patrat sees an enemy.

Watchog looks a whole lot more
fluorescent in its shiny form, tbh.

Patrat's cautious nature and meerkat characteristics are carried over to its evolution Watchog, whose design is now based on a roadworker, with its body resembling a protective suit and the yellow stripes forming a high-visibility public safety vest. Luminescent compounds in Watchog's body allow these stripes - and its eyes - to illuminate, which is a defense mechanism to threaten and possibly scare away predators, which especially comes in handy at night when Watchog will have to stand sentry due to its excellent night vision. Therefore, it is likely its name derives from 'watchdog', dogs used to alert their owners of an intruder's presence and scare them away - not to be confused with guard dogs, which are also capable to attack the intruder. This is all very ironic, because at base 85 its physical attack is Watchog's best stat. That is decent at best - though a lot of people would call it mediocre - and with base 77 speed as its second best stat, you're in for a tough ride if you decide to use this thing in a playthrough. And I'm specifically mentioning a playthrough, because you should steer clear from it altogether in the competitive metagame; it's too terrible for that. Actually, Watchog's level-up movepool is quite horrendous, as the best offensive moves it gets are Crunch and Hyper Fang (STAB), while you have to wait for the latter and put up with the weak Tackle until level 36. Absolutely atrocious. Okay, let's assume you're doing an Ultra Sun Wonderlocke and you receive a Patrat that you want to use, then you'll be in for some positive treats: the Move Tutors are actually very kind towards Watchog, as they'll be able to teach it Aqua Tail, Seed Bomb, Iron Tail, the elemental punches, Gunk Shot, Zen Headbutt and Stomping Tantrum, just to name a few. Or maybe the Hypnosis/Confuse Ray/Super Fang strategy is more your style...? Watchog isn't defensive enough to pull it off, but it learns these moves by level-up and they could work in your advantage. In the end, though, Watchog is heavily Move Tutor-reliant, as it also doesn't learn jack shit for TMs. No good TMs, by any means, with the exception of Return.

Gym Leader Lenora's Watchog in the anime series. 

Listen, I actually like Watchog. Its design is creative, its flavor is interesting, and it looks hilariously creepy. I know that sounds paradoxical, and maybe you're right, but despite its frightening disposition I just can't take this Pokémon seriously; those intimidating eyes can't hide the fact that its cheek pouches look adorably chubby. Like I said at the beginning of this article, I don't understand why so many people seem to act so negatively towards it. Maybe it has something to do with its early access to Detect (just a fighting-type Protect), Confuse Ray, Hypnosis and Super Fang, which it all learns at or before level 22, but dealing with that was never really an obstacle for me personally; Watchog is relatively easy to take down due to its poor defenses and it isn't as annoying as, say, a bitch-ass Pelipper. While Sentret did the lookout thing first, Patrat and Watchog take this aspect and elaborate on it quite well, and so I will by no means give them a bad rating.

Rating: 3.5/5

#501 - #503: Oshawott, Dewott & Samurott

Ash's Oshawott throwing its scalchop down in anger, only to pick
it up immediately afterwards because it is worried it might have
damaged its beloved weapon. 

Oh, how an initially unpopular Pokémon has come to be an outright fan favorite. When Oshawott was first released, Pokémon fans were fast to nickname it 'Wotter', but I can't say they were particularly charmed by its design. It wasn't until the anime that the fans started to like this thing, and only because of Ash's Oshawott's outgoing (and oftentimes even inconsiderate) personality. While it could be cute at times, Ash's Oshawott had a propensity for being dramatic whenever things went wrong or didn't go its way, and it acted proud and boastful - not unlike Dawn's Piplup, with whom it had a transitory rivalry. Oshawott's antics greatly entertained the Pokémon fans and it quickly grew to be a fan favorite during the Best Wishes! series, which is widely regarded as a disappointing anime generation. Then there's Oshawott's scalchop, a shell that is used as a weapon when Razor Shell is executed and is made of the same material as claws and fingernails (keratin), growing back whenever it happens to get destroyed. Ash's Oshawott even panicked whenever it lost its scalchop, was happy when he found out that it hadn't done any major damage to it after throwing it down in anger, and got angry whenever it got stolen by another Pokémon.

Ash's Oshawott was... easily infatuated. This GIF shows Oshawott and Dawn's
Piplup falling in love with the same Pokémon.

Piplup and Oshawott's rivalry continues as Piplup attempts to best Oshawott
in getting Meloetta's attention.

But eventually, Piplup and Oshawott realize they care deeply for each other as
they say a teary-eyed goodbye. 

The scalchop also plays a big part in the whole samurai theme that this evolution line has going for them, as it holds similarities with Japanese war fans, which were often used by samurai for defensive purposes. Moreover, the fans weren't wrong calling Oshawott 'Wotter', because sea otters were definitely the inspiration for this Pokémon, as is indicated by its English name as well as its German name Ottaro and its Korean and Mandarin Chinese names. Incidentally, Oshawott's Japanese name Mijumaru (ミジュマル) may refer to an otter named Mijbil, the subject of an autobiographical novel and movie called Ring of Bright Water by Gavin Maxwell, about his life in a remote house in coastal Scotland where he kept several wild otters as pets.

One of the surprisingly few pieces of fan art I could find of Dewott.

When it comes to Oshawott's evolutions, Dewott (probably from the name Helen DeWitt, author of The Last Samurai) isn't that much different apart from having two scalchops instead of one, complete with honest-to-goodness samurai gear. Dewott uses its scalchops more intensively than Oshawott, using its double-scalchop technique through rigid training in order to accomplish fluid swordsmanship, although techniques differ from one Dewott to another. This fighting style is reminiscent to tessenjutsu, a martial art involving Japanese war fans that could make people so skilled that they were able to defend themselves against attackers with swords and even kill opponents with a single blow. The skilled wielder could even use it to fence and fend off knives and poisoned darts thrown at them. While Dewott probably doesn't possess such a level of skill, it is probably skilled enough for its evolution Samurott to suddenly wield whole-ass swords called seamitars. Now resembling truly armored samurai or shōgun, the war fan aesthetic is translocated from its pre-evolution's scalchops to its own goddamn tail, while the helmet-like shell over its head appears to be based on murex trapa - or the rare-spined murex shell. Samurott looks old and wise yet intimidating, and it actually is intimidating: in the time it takes for a foe to blink, Samurott can draw and sheathe the seamitars attached to its front legs, and one swing of its seamitar can fell an opponent. One simple glare or howl from Samurott quiets everybody.

Oshawott falling for Buneary, who shows more interest in Ash's Pikachu instead.

Isn't it adorable? I swear, The Pokémon Company have struck gold with
Oshawott's personality.

Oshawott, what the fuck are you doing? You can't even learn Belly Drum...

While still reminiscent to the giant otter, Samurott now looks more like a sea lion of some sort. In an interview, Ken Sugimori said that Oshawott and its evolutions were the hardest for the team to design during production, as conceptualizing its evolutions was difficult. The sea lion show during a trip to an aquarium inspired them to incorporate elements of sea lions in Samurott's design, hence why it looks so unlike its pre-evolutions. I just wish we had a different name for Samurott in English, because its French and German names of Clamiral and Admurai obviously refer to 'admiral' and its Japanese name Daikenki (ダイケンキ) is the complete on'yomi reading* of the word daikenki, which means literally 'big sword-wielding demon' in Chinese. I would have loved such a name for Samurott in English, too, but alas...

*(Sino-Japanese vocabulary - or kango - refers to that portion of the Japanese vocabulary that originated in Chinese or has been created from elements borrowed from Chinese, and on'yomi is the modern descendant of the Japanese approximation of the base Chinese pronunciation of a character at the time it was introduced.)

Badass TCG promotional art of Samurott.

Competitively, Samurott is... not very good, unfortunately. It has good HP, workable attacking stats, okay defense and mediocre special defense and speed, which doesn't make it a very versatile Pokémon: it cannot take special hits very well and it doesn't really outspeed many Pokémon in the metagame, either. You could fix that last problem with a Choice Scarf, but that means you won't be able to run a Swords Dance set. With base 100 attack and 108 special attack, Samurott doesn't really excel at anything in particular; despite its slightly higher special attack stat, its special movepool is incredibly lacking, with access to only STAB moves and Ice Beam - and Grass Knot, if that's your style. With access to Swords Dance - a move that raises its attack stat by two stages every time it is used - and a considerable amount of physical moves, a physical set is heavily recommended. The newly required Liquidation is definitely a must-have on a Swords Dance set, while Samurott has access to some nifty coverage moves like Sacred Sword (as of Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon), Megahorn, Smart Strike, Iron Tail, Night Slash and Knock Off. Priority in Aqua Jet wouldn't be terrible to have on it, either, especially since Samurott isn't very fast in the first place. Now that I mention its speed, I'd recommend a Jolly nature to maximize its speed stat; you can just use a Life Orb for a bit more oomph behind its attacks instead of giving it an Adamant nature. Finally, Samurott's hidden ability Shell Armor prevents it from receiving critical hits, but maybe you'll want to go with its regular ability Torrent instead, which boosts its water-type moves when it is at or below one third of its health.

When in battle, Samurott can stand on its hind legs and use one of the blades
from its anterior legs as a sword to fight. 

The ultimate question is, 'Do I really want to use Samurott in a competitive setting?' Smogon also mentions a special set with Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Grass Knot and either Aqua Jet or Taunt, but it's oftentimes not even fast enough to use Taunt and prevent opposing Pokémon from setting up on it, especially if it has any other nature than Timid. Samurott is an excellent Pokémon to use in a playthrough due to its well-roundedness, but it actually isn't that good in competitive. There are plenty of Pokémon that can do what Samurott can, and the abundance of water-type Pokémon in the games won't leave you dissatisfied in finding a better physical-based water type (right off the bat I think of starters like Feraligatr, Swampert and even Greninja, who are all miles better than Samurott when it comes to their physical utility).

Ash's Tepig (later Pignite) and Oshawott didn't get along very well...

Dafuq are you laughing at, Oshawott? As if you don't look ridiculous in that
Sewaddle collar...

I really do love Samurott's design and flavor. I was happy to use it multiple times throughout any Black/White/Black 2/White 2 playthrough, especially since I got sick of fire/fighting starters by the time Black and White were released, and I have to say it didn't disappoint at all: it was moderately bulky (AI Pokémon are stupid and aren't properly trained, so Samurott was sure to live a couple of hits as long as they weren't super-effective) and it did its job excellently once it had access to Swords Dance. So, as I did with some other Pokémon, I'm giving Samurott a perfect rating purely for its aesthetic qualities.

Rating: 5/5