#371 - #373: Bagon, Shelgon & Salamence

While Game Freak really had a thing for medieval bowl cuts during the Johto era, they took a huge leap forward in time and reinvented the mullet when creating their Hoenn Pokémon. Shiftry was one of the two unfortunate souls to have gotten this terrible '80s haircut, but the first Pokémon I'm going to discuss today is so fortunate not to be obliged to stay this way, unlike Shiftry.

Bagon jumping off a goddamn cliff because it wants to fly.
Yeah, it is that boneheaded - quite literally, too. 

Bagon looks like a feisty little baby dragon living in rugged terrains, and in Hoenn it is indeed found in the deepest cave of Meteor Falls. It harbors a never-ending dream of one day soaring high in the skies and hurls itself off of cliffs every day in doomed efforts to fly. When it is frustrated at its inability to fly, however, it smashes its head against huge rocks and shatters them into pebbles or powder. This activity of continually bashing its head results in it becoming as hard as tempered steel, which implies that it shares some traits with the pachycephalosaurus - thick-skulled dinosaurs known for their extravagant skull roofs - even though we would get a full-fledged pachycephalosauridae family with Cranidos and Rampardos one generation later. Bagon's Sun entry even takes Game Freak's dumbness to the next level by stating that its desire to fly is assumed to be the influence of information carried in its genes. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Bagon's final stage is Salamence, which is a dragon/flying type and actually is able to fly and - here it comes! - produce other fucking Bagon. Surely baby Bagon are taught by their Mommies and/or Daddies that they will fly one day if only they would have a little bit of PATIENCE, right? Surely.

Oh Game Freak, I just flat out love your stupidity and ignorance sometimes.

Bagon, Shelgon ain't likin' this shit. Go jump off a cliff
or someting, but get off of there at once.

In order for Bagon to be able to fly, though, it has to go through an odd pupal stage for no less than 20 levels. There are bone structures covering Shelgon's body, which repel enemy attacks but make it extremely heavy, causing it to neither drink nor eat. Sucks for Shelgon, as it is trapped inside a musty cocoon and limited in its movements when it really, really, really wants to fly. Therefore, cells in Shelgon's armor-like shell are in the midst of transformation to create an entirely new body. Shelgon's wish to fly comes true when it finally reaches its final stage at level 50, evolving into a mighty flying salamander. And powerful it is, as it's prone to completely losing its shit, whether it be out of joy (flying around spouting flames from its mouth, making it bear a liking to archetypal fire-breathing European dragons) or rage (locking itself into an uncontrollable rampage, destroying everything around it until it tires itself out). And all because its desire to fly triggered a mutation that allowed it to grow large, red wings reminiscent to those of a manga character called Devilman - which I have never heard of, by the way. It becomes even worse when Salamence Mega-evolves, when it becomes even more brutal than ever before, up to the point where it is liable to turn against the Trainer who raised it. Anything and anyone in Mega Salamence's path will get sliced in two by its blade-like wings, posing no interruption to its flight, which earned it the notorious nickname of "the blood-soaked crescent". Yikes.

Some badass fan art of Salamence.

And you know what? Salamence is a monster in competitive play, as it is fast and strong and has decent bulk to it. The only downside is that it has a quadruple weakness to ice, making it unable to take even a non-STAB Icy Wind from a Gengar. That's quite alright, though, as you'll have other Pokémon to counter such things. Just try to compose a moveset to the best of your ability, for there are several different ways to utilize Salamence's strength. The first is a Life Orb set supported by a Jolly nature to maximize its speed and the move Dragon Dance to raise its speed and attack by one stage each every time it is used. The second is a Choice Band set supported by a Jolly nature and nothing but attacking moves - preferably physical, although Salamence's base 110 special attack allows it to fire off special attacks quite well, should you be looking for a mixed attacker. You could also opt for a Choice Scarf set, which allows you to potentially run an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. For a regular Salamence, the ability Moxie - which increases Salamence's attack by one stage every time it knocks out a Pokémon - is favored at all times, although the attack drop from Intimidate could put opposing Pokémon at a disadvantage at first.

Big, bad Mega Salamence.

When running the Salamencite set, Intimidate is pretty much required. You want to Mega-evolve Salamence as soon as possible, and not just when you've knocked out another Pokémon first in order to get a Moxie boost, so the attack drop from Intimidate before Mega-evolving could give you an edge. Moreover, Mega Salamence is crazy strong anyway; so strong, in fact, that it was banned to Smogon's legendary Uber tier. And if you're up against some insanely powerful legendaries, lowering their attack first could greatly benefit you, especially when you still have to set up with a move like Dragon Dance. After that, though, it'll be fairly easy for Mega Salamence to sweep - or at least leave huge dents in the teams of opponents, allowing you to finish them off quickly. The biggest difference with a regular Salamence's set is that Mega Salamence has Aerilate - I often hear other people butcher it to "Aerialate" for some reason - which is an ability that changes all normal-type moves into flying-type moves and even gives them a 20% boost, meaning Mega Salamence fares greatly on moves like Return and Double-Edge all of a sudden. Mega Salamence does still receive recoil damage from Double-Edge, so if you're going to abuse it, a move like Roost to heal its HP mid-match wouldn't be a luxury.

This image is all kinds of awesome! 

I am not as big a fan of pseudo-legendaries as I probably should be (Pokémon like Dragonite, Tyranitar, Salamence, Garchomp and Goodra are fan favorites, but I don't find them nearly as appealing or exciting as certain other Pokémon), and I'm probably one of the few not giving Salamence a perfect rating - if other people would also rate Pokémon, that is. Now, I think regular Salamence is a little bland design-wise, but I quite like the kite and/or aircraft design on its Mega form, earning it at least 4 stars out of 5. Not bad.

Rating: 4/5

#361 - #362, #478: Snorunt, Glalie & Froslass

So only now we've bumped into the first true Gen. III ice types - and no, I do not count Castform's Snowy Forme as such. Hoenn is a tropical region with too much water and it is hard to implement ice types into such a region in the first place, so they were put away in a remote salt cave at the northeastern edge of the region, which - with a little bit of bad luck - would be completely overlooked by the player if they were in a rush to complete the game. Route 125 and Shoal Cave are just north of Mossdeep City, but there is nothing else to find beyond these places, so they're not mandatory for the player to visit. And even though the Snorunt and Spheal lines are the only ice types you can find in the games (not counting Regice as of yet because it is tricky to obtain, and definitely not counting Castform), by the time the player arrives in Mossdeep City they will probably have a full team of six already.

Snorunt plushies, the middle of which is that of a shiny Snorunt. 

Another drawback for players to put a Snorunt on their team is the fact that this little critter evolves at level 42, which is way too damn high for a Pokémon that isn't worth the hassle. Don't get me wrong; Glalie is great and all, but base 80 stats across the board isn't worth waiting until level 42. And with base 50 stats Snorunt can't do an awful lot by itself, either. Instead, I think we should admire what Snorunt is supposed to represent: a small, child-sized Pokémon based on a couple of different yōkai. The zashiki-warashi, or "guestroom child", is a mischievous Japanese spirit in the form of a five- or six-year-old child that is often sighted in Iwate Prefecture, somewhere in northern Japan. Those who see it are said to be visisted with good fortune, which is the exact same thing the Pokédex says about Snorunt, too. Another inspiration for Snorunt might be the yukinko, a childlike spirit said to emerge when it snows, often depicted as elf-like and wearing a yuki mino - the latter being a traditional type of winter wear from the snowy parts of Japan that consists of a conical snow cloak made of straw. Snorunt seems to be stylized version of a yuki mino, which is probably why it can stand temperatures of -150°F. From Pokémon Platinum on, Snorunt's Pokédex description of gathering under giant leaves and living together in harmony with others of its species is a reference to the Koro-pok-guru, a race of small people in the folklore of the Ainu people. They are said to live under the leaves of plants in harmony, and their name seems to support that: Koro-pok-guru literally means "people under the butterbur plant". The only problem is that Snorunt doesn't look the part and that it doesn't fit its design and typing, either.

Official Sugimori art of Glalie.

Nor does Glalie look like a logical evolution of Snorunt, for that matter. It's like the head of a goblin with nothing else attached to it, but basically Glalie consists of a black rock core covered by ice that will not even melt under a direct flame. If that is the case, why wasn't it made part rock type? Glalie would have benefited from that if it hadn't been for these two bad weaknesses to fighting and steel it otherwise would've had, but the latter type wasn't as prevalent in competitive play as it is now with all those fairy types around. Instead, we just got a Pokémon based on a hockey mask whose name is a combination of 'glacier' and 'goalie'. Indeed, 'goalie'; how fucking obvious do you want to make it, anyway? Even its Japanese name Onigohri (オニゴーリ) bears a phonetic similarity to 'goalie', while the word Torwart in Glalie's German name Firnontor means 'goalkeeper'. It doesn't even remotely resemble anything from Japanese culture anymore, aside from maybe a standard type of oni (an ogre- or troll-like creature) with horns. And what about that flavor? It can freeze moisture in the atmosphere... - yeah, no shit; it's a fucking ice type - ...into any shape it desires.

Okay, that's actually pretty cool.

And as if Glalie didn't look ugly enough, it has an ugly personality as well: it actually enjoys putting its prey in a frozen state with its icy-cold breath and gobbling it up afterwards. What's more, Glalie got a Mega evolution that no one saw coming, and it can now temporarily float around with a dislocated jaw. I can almost hear it scream in agony. It's tragic, really, as Mega Glalie can instantly freeze its prey but cannot eat said prey because its jaw is destroyed.

Some pretty cool (get it?) fan art of Froslass.

Glalie's Korean name Urumkisin (얼음귀신) - from eol'eum ('ice') and gwishin ('ghost'), so literally 'ice ghost' - would have fit Snorunt's alternative evolution Froslass a whole lot better. Froslass, evolved from a female Snorunt by use of a Dawn Stone, is the franchise's only ice/ghost type, and for a good reason, too: it is based on the yuki-onna, a ghostly woman in Japanese folklore often associated with winter and snowstorms. I already mentioned these spirits in Jynx's review, but as Froslass is a ghost type and the yuki-onna is supposed to represent a female ghost (which is also the reason why only female Snorunt can evolve into Froslass), it makes much more sense that the latter was the inspiration for Froslass rather than Jynx. However, none of the legends about the yuki-onna are as lurid as Froslass's Pokédex descriptions. It's all very interesting to read that it has cold breath (so does Glalie), that it has a hollow body (so does Dusclops) and that legends in snowy regions say that a woman who got lost on an icy mountains was reborn as a Froslass, but let's take a look at the entries it got in Pokémon Sun and Moon recently.

Pokédex entry Sun:
"When it finds humans or Pokémon it likes, it freezes them and takes them to its chilly den, where they become decorations."

Pokémon entry Moon:
"The soul of a woman lost on a snowy mountain possessed an icicle, becoming this Pokémon. The food it most relishes is the souls of men."

Why, excuse the living hell out of me? So, in the hypothetical case that I'm roaming about in the snowy mountains and just by happenstance encounter a Froslass, I'm pretty much screwed? I don't know about you guys, but I am 100% certain I'm never going on a skiing holiday.

A Froslass image with yuki-onna elements in the forefront. The
red band it's wearing is reminiscent of an obi, a sash worn with a
kimono or with the uniforms used by practitioners of Japanese
martial arts.

Trainers should be cautious when being around this thing, but on the off chance you decide to use Froslass in competitive play, you'll have yourself a speedy special att... wait, what? Its special attack is only 80? Damn, I always thought it had amazing speed and special attack and terribe everything else, but I guess I was wrong. Well, it's no use making it defensive, because it won't live a hit, so be clever and go with the specially offensive approach anyway. I was going to recommend a Timid nature, but I guess it can use the special power boost from a Modest nature. And a Life Orb, for that matter, which will make moves like Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, Signal Beam, Psychic and Thunderbolt hit foes just this little bit harder. As it's fast to begin with, a utility moveset might not be bad; Taunt is to prevent foes from setting up with stat-boosting moves, Spikes lays a layer of - you guessed it - spikes that hurt incoming Pokémon on the opponent's side of the battlefield, Will-O-Wisp burns foes and thus inflicts residual damage every turn, and a fast Destiny Bond might be beneficial if a certain Pokémon proves to be an issue. Of course, a utility moveset calls for a Focus Sash rather than a Life Orb. The only thing left to discuss is its ability, but it has only two. Its regular ability Snow Cloak boosts Froslass's evasion when it's hailing, which it almost never does, so ignore that one. Its hidden ability is Cursed Body and has the power to disable certain moves when Froslass is hit by one, which could definitely come in handy.

It's pretty hot in the Netherlands right now, but this image
spontaneously gives me the chills.

So, we've discussed Froslass, but what about Glalie? Well... my advice is to not use it unless you go Mega. Regular Glalie is just not good enough and can't get anything done, so you'd be wise to Mega-evolve it. Mega Glalie has Refrigerate for its ability, which turns all normal-type moves into ice-type moves, effectively making them STAB. This means a decent 102-power phsyical-based ice-type move in Return, as well as an ice-type Explosion. It's what most people use Mega Glalie for, anyway: doing some moderate damage to opponents with moves like Return and Earthquake, only to cause a gigantic and unexpected climax and blow it up for a whopping 250 power. That's one almost guaranteed OHKO right there, so Explosion is perfect to remove a specific threat from the game. Sure, you'll lose your own Mega Glalie in the process, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices in order to advance the match. If blowing Mega Glalie up is unfavorable, you could also run a moveset consisting of Return, Ice Shard, Earthquake and Iron Head, of course supported by a Jolly or Adamant nature - or a Naive, Hasty, Lonely or Naughty nature if you decide to use Freeze-Dry instead of Iron Head in order for you to super-effectively hit water types as well. Nonetheless, Mega Glalie is pretty much one-dimensional and therefore very predictable.

I wish I could like these Pokémon more than I currently do, but Mega Glalie is a little too weird - even to my taste - and Froslass is unimpressive when it's not about its flavor. That doesn't stop me from giving both Pokémon a good rating - the same one at that, too - and to be quite honest, 4 stars are nothing to sneeze at. I don't know exactly what it is that could make them sneeze, because I doubt these Pokémon can catch a cold, but that is not the point.

P.S.: What's with Froslass's classification as the 'Snow Land Pokémon'? I really don't understand the 'land' part...?

Rating: 4/5

#359: Absol

With Absol being a clear fan favorite, there's bound to be plenty
of cool fan art to be found on the web.

Has anybody ever had the feeling your intentions were completely misinterpreted? Poor Absol must feel that way all the fucking time. Using the horn on its head, Absol is able to sense even the most subtle changes in the sky and land to predict when a natural disaster will occur, and it will try to warn people of impending danger. However, people often misinterpret his warnings and think Absol is in fact the bringer of doom, which fed a hatred of it. No wonder Absol lives its 100-year life in seclusion in the mountains, far from civilization, and rarely ventures down from its alpine home; I guess it's sick and tired of humanity blaming unfavorable natural occurrences on its species when it's only trying to alert people of earthquakes or tidal waves. The rage among those people must have been big when they found out Absol can actually change into a stronger being, if only temporarily: Absol can Mega-evolve, and the energy that courses through its body from the transition makes it fur bristle and makes Mega Absol look as if it has a pair of wings on its back. This does give it an angelic appearance, but Mega Absol can't actually fly, nor does it get the flying typing on top of its dark typing.

The angelic-looking Mega Absol. The pair of wings is actually its fur; the increased
energy coursing through its body upon Mega-evolving is what makes the fur at the
back of its mane stand on end.

This time I do have to commend Game Freak on their consistency here: in the main series games, Absol can often be found in places where disasters occur or occurred, supporting its description as a doomsayer. Let's ignore the fact that not all of these disasters are natural occurrences, because that is damn near impossible in Pokémon games.

- In Diamond and Pearl, Absol appears on Route 213. This route is close to Lake Valor, which was drained by Team Galactic in order to illegitimately capture Azelf. Also, the route number contains the number 13, which is universally considered to be an unlucky number.

- In Platinum, Absol can be found on Mt. Coronet in places that one can first access when heading to Spear Pillar, before Giratina is summoned by Team Galactic's Cyrus.

- In Black and White, after the player finished the main game, Absol appears at the Giant Chasm - the home of Kyurem and said to be a place where disasters befall Trainers - and Route 13. In the sequels to Black and White, unoriginally named Black 2 and White 2, Giant Chasm is where the 'new' Team Plasma makes their stand.

- In X and Y, Route 8 is Absol's home base. While the route number isn't even close to 13, Absol is found on the higher side of the route, right on the cliffs. You also encounter this Pokémon right before the player character meets Team Flare for the first time.

- In Sun and Moon, Absol is found in Tapu Village, which was destroyed years earlier by Tapu Bulu because it took offense to the grocery store that was built on Route 14. Plus, have you noticed how Tapu Village connects Routes 13, 14 and 15? Nifty.

It isn't found in disaster areas in every game, though. Being an alpine Pokémon by nature, it would have made no frickin' sense for Game Freak to make Seafloor Cavern - an underwater area where, depending on which version you're playing, Groudon and Kyogre are summoned by Team Magma or Team Aqua, respectively - Absol's natural habitat, so in Ruby and Sapphire it is found on Route 120 instead. Hoenn really does have too much water, goddamn. However, it was a missed opportunity not to put Absol on Route 10 in Pokémon X and Y, because this route is actually found beneath Geosenge Town, the town where AZ's ultimate weapon is excavated by Team Flare and intended to be used by Lysandre in order for him to destroy Kalos.

A pair of Absol parents with their shiny child. 

But what makes Absol so connected to such catastrophes in the first place? I mean, what are its origins? Well, aside from the obvious black cat superstition - Absol does in fact look somewhat feline - there are a whole lot of creatures it may have been based on, whether they be mythical or not. The first are sphinxes, winged monsters with a woman's head and a lion's body, noted for killing anyone being unable to answer its riddle. Whereas sphinxes are often associated with ancient Egypt, they're actually from Greek mythology, and the 'wings' on Mega Absol are actually more reminiscent of Greek portrayals of these creatures, which are more often depicted with wings than not. The Chinese legend of the Baí Zé, generally described as a white beast with extraordinary intelligence, might be another inspiration for Absol's design and flavor. This Baí Zé creature was gifted with the ability to understand human speech, as well as the knowledge on the forms and habits of exactly 11,520 types of supernatural creatures in the world and how to overcome their hauntings and attacks. While the Baí Zé is known as the hakutaku in Japan, a related legend speaks of an almost identical creature called the kutabe, which predicted that a deadly plague would sweep through the Japanese population in the next few years and prescribed that its own image be used as a talisman to ward off the disease. While known as a bovine creature, it is also commonly depicted as a creature with a lion's body, one horn on its head and an extra eye in the center of its forehead. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

This way - and not entirely coincidentally - Absol's head looks like a tàijítú or yīnyáng symbol, which is usually a representation of how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another (e.g. light and dark, fire and water, expansion and contraction, matter and antimatter). This concept would be expanded upon in Gen. V with Reshiram and Zekrom, but at least it makes for some interesting speculations and discussions about Absol's origins, especially since it's a favorite among long-time Pokémon fans. With its ability to sense oncoming natural disasters Absol is, after all, a creature close to nature, and the concept of yin and yang fits its flavor and white-and-blue design perfectly.

Official art of Mega Absol. Drawn by Ken Sugimori,
courtesy of Nintendo and everything. 

One big question remains, though: how well does Absol do in the competitive scene? Uhm... not great. Absol sports some amazing attack, but it is quite frail and not very fast, which they fixed with its Mega. Well, at least the speed part; Mega Absol is as frail as ever, but it got a boost of 40 base points in both its speed and special attack - both ending up at a solid 115 - and an increase in its attack by 20 base points. While at 150 its attack is still superior to any of its other stats, it is able to dish out some special damage as well, and quite frankly it has such a large movepool that you don't even know where to start with this thing. Mega Absol is a pure dark type and has access to some nice utility moves that it receives STAB from, such as Pursuit, Sucker Punch and Knock Off. Type coverage can be found in moves like Zen Headbutt, Ice Beam, Thunderbolt, Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Dark Pulse, Megahorn, Play Rough, Iron Tail and Superpower. If you want to run a physical moveset and boost its attack, Swords Dance is right there for you. This even allows you to run a Jolly nature (lowers special attack, increases speed), although a Naive nature (lowers special defense, increases speed) is required if you want to run a mixed Mega Absol. As far as abilities go, Magic Bounce is a great ability that reflects the effects of all stat-lowering and status condition-inducing status moves - as well as entry hazard moves and moves like Torment and Taunt - back to the user, effectively making it immune to moves like Will-O-Wisp and Thunder Wave. That makes it very hard to weaken it or slow it down, which is exactly what you want.

When it comes to regular Absol's ability before you Mega-evolve it, Justified is the way to go: if you get hit by a dark-type move when you switch Absol in, you might as well get an attack boost from it first, making Mega Absol a little bit more dangerous for your opponent. Super Luck increases the chance of getting a critical hit, while Pressure drains some extra PP from the moves your opponent's Pokémon is attacking Absol with, but both are more viable for the long run and fit more on a regular Absol's Life Orb set or something.

Fan art of Mega Absol being fabulous.

This article is becoming a little bit too long for just a single Pokémon, but I guess I'm willing to spend a lot of my time writing about Absol (seriously though, I've spent at least five hours doing research and thinking about how to formulate my sentences). It's such a fascinating Pokémon for a dark type, which normally tend to be more evil and malicious, and it's definitely one of the most unique Gen. III Pokémon introduced. I never realized how much I actually love Absol, and I certainly did not expect to give it a perfect rating. Yet here I am, gushing about a Pokémon I didn't know I love.

Good job on this one, Game Freak.

Rating: 5/5

#353 - #354: Shuppet & Banette

In comparison to Gastly (left) and Duskull (middle), Shuppet is
kinda cute. 

Oh, you thought the Alola Pokédex was scary? Trust me, I'm sure Shuppet and Banette's Pokédex entries from Ruby and Sapphire will send shivers down your spine.

Granted, Shuppet isn't that terrifying. It's basically harmless, aside from the fact that it is attracted by and feeds on feelings of envy, vindictiveness, malice and sadness. According to its Ruby Pokédex entry, Shuppet will appear in a swarm and line up beneath the eaves of a vengeful person's home, which means they're basically the ghost equivalent of a wasp nest hanging under your roof. Shuppet actively roam the city streets in search of negative emotions and catch them with their upright horns. The biggest stumbling block here is Shuppet's origin. While its shape is more reminiscent of a teru teru bōzu than Castform's, it has absolutely nothing to do with the weather whatsoever. It seems to be based on a hand puppet; more specifically, a puppet used in shadow play, an ancient form of puppetry using flat articulated cut-out figures (shadow puppets) that are held between a source of light and a translucent screen of some sort.

Imagine Banette scratching at your window... A child who has
junked their doll in the Pokémon world must be having a hard
time, knowing Banette could come for them any moment.
Damn, this here image could have been a scene straight out of
a horror movie (or game). 

In short, Shuppet is based on some kind of toy, and this aspect blends perfectly with its evolution Banette, who is a whole lot scarier than Shuppet is. Banette is a doll-like Pokémon with a zipper that acts as its mouth and makes sure its life force is safely kept within its body. Whereas Shuppet mainly feeds on feelings of hatred, it becomes maliciously vengeful itself when it evolves into Banette: it lives on landfill sites and in dark alleys, where it seeks for the child that disowned it before it became a Pokémon (although it used to be a Shuppet first; great consistency there, Game Freak!). It even lays curses on people and other Pokémon by using its body as a voodoo doll and sticking pins into itself. My guess is that Banette is universally feared in the Pokémon world. I love this franchise, but even I wouldn't want to live in a world inabited by such capricious creatures, although I'd imagine a Luxray by my side to protect me if ever I were to live in the Pokémon world. Banette is almost realistically eerie - heck, its Gen. III sprites actually make it look like a possessed doll, before its sprites became more animated in later generations - and that makes me think it wouldn't feel out of place in one of those Five Nights at Freddy's games, which are undoubtedly to blame for a sudden increase in phobias about dolls and teddy bears. Inanimate objects coming to life is not a new thing, either: tools that have required a spirit are called tsukumogami in Japanese folklore.

For a discarded doll, Banette is actually pretty strong. Unfortunately it has inherited the trait of dolls being relatively fragile, although in terms of Pokémon stats it is actually very fragile. Banette can hit hard with its base 115 attack stat, but it can barely take a hit in return, nor can it take a hit first due to its equally low speed. Luckily, there's an answer: Mega Banette. Now, Mega Banette may not be that much faster than regular Banette, but the extra base points in speed help, as do the base points in its defenses. Of course, the biggest boost goes to its attack, which is now a base 165. However, Mega Banette has the ability Prankster by default, which means it'll always hit first with whatever status move you're throwing at your opponent. Almost all ghost types learn Will-O-Wisp, so burning the foe to whittle it down is a ridiculously viable tactic, especially since the 50% attack reduction heavily cripples physical attackers. And if a certain Pokémon poses a real threat to you, you can just click Destiny Bond and be done with it - obviously you'll lose Mega Banette as well, but you'll just have to strategize from there. That leaves two spots for attacking moves, and as one of them has to be STAB, I recommend Shadow Claw. The other could be Knock Off, which doubles in power when you manage to knock off the opposing Pokémon's held item, but ghost- and dark-type moves cover the same types anyway, so you might as well go for a priority STAB move in Shadow Sneak.

It's not as if you have any other choice, because the rest of its physical moves are ghost- and dark-type moves that are not worth mentioning and... Gunk Shot. It's not a terrible idea, don't get me wrong, but Gunk Shot doesn't have much PP and isn't very accurate, so it's nothing to get excited about. Banette's special movepool is much better, but if you're smart - and you probably are - you're running an Adamant nature to make use of that crazy attack stat. I mean, Banette didn't Mega-evolve just for you to make use of its base 93 special attack, right? And should you want to use regular Banette - make sure you have one with the ability Insomnia, which prevents it from falling asleep - I guess a mixed Life Orb set could do the job.

Mega Banette - obviously the one with zippers all over its body - and Shuppet.

I always forgot about Banette until it got a Mega evolution in the first place, which indicates that it's not really a memorable Pokémon. It's a shame, really. I mean, how creepier can you get than with a discarded doll possessed by a vindictive spirit, dedicating its life to finding the child that left it behind? This should be a bedtime story, period. Teach your kids to play with their toys in a respectful way, or let them think about whether they really need anything before it's bought and ultimately abandoned, or else their toys will come alive to take revenge on them.

Some lesson that would be, innit?

Rating: 4.5/5

#333 - #334: Swablu & Altaria

Do you remember that in Flygon's entry I said I like the other not-so-dragon-like Pokémon in Hoenn better? Yeah? Well, this is what I was talking about.

It's an uncommon occurrence that the first image in a review is a
realistic take on a Pokémon, but I had to include this. It's just so
nicely drawn. 

Granted, Swablu is yet another bird with the generic normal/flying typing, but it certainly doesn't look the part. Incomparable with actual generic birds like Pidgey, Spearow, Starly, Farfetch'd, Pidove, Taillow and a whole bunch of other plain-looking birds I'm probably forgetting right now, Swablu seems to be based on a combination of real-life avian creatures. Its blue skin indicates it might be inspired from the bluebird or the blue jay, while its tendency to land on people's heads and pretend it's a hat might be a reference to the gray jay, as both wild Swablu and the gray jay get easily accustomed to humans. Swablu's wings look like clouds but are actually made of a cottony substance, which manifests itself in the fact that Swablu learns the grass-type move Cotton Guard, which increases its defense stat by a whopping three stages. Fun fact: I solemnly believed Cotton Guard was introduced in Gen. III and that it used to be Swablu and Altaria's signature move until it was given to other Pokémon in later generations. I was wrong, because it was introduced in Gen. V and given to quite a couple of Pokémon right away. The things you learn when doing research for review articles, goddamn... Cotton Guard or no, Swablu dislikes dirty surroundings, so it will wipe and polish something dirty with the cotton tufts it has for wings, which it then cleans in streams and freshwater. In that regard, Swablu's name is a nice reference to the cotton swabs used for sanitary purposes.

A heap of adorable little Swablu. Cuteness overload. 

Interestingly, Swablu's Japanese and French names of Tyltto (チルット) and Tylton, respectively, refer to entirely different things. For starters, Tyl is an alternative name given to Epsilon Draconis, a star in the constellation Draco, and is often used in the literature. Draco is Latin for 'dragon' and the fact that Swablu's Japanese and French names refer to this specific constellation may be a forshadowing of what typing it gets upon evolution, although I'll get to that later. Also, Tyltto and Tylton may be a reference to the play L'Oiseau Bleu ("The Blue Bird") by Belgian playwright Maurice Maeterlinck, a story about two siblings - Mytyl and Tyltyl - who are tasked with finding the 'blue bird of happiness'.

Also, Swablu's Mandarin Chinese name Qīngmiánniǎo (青綿鳥) literally means 'blue cotton-flossed bird'. I can't even...

A mother (or father?) Altaria with her adorable baby Swablu.

Swablu doesn't always stay an adorable little Swablu, however, and it evolves into Altaria at level 35. Altaria looks like it could have been yet another normal/flying type, if it weren't for the fact that Game Freak actually granted it the dragon type upon evolution. Pretty much like Flygon, it doesn't look like it's a dragon type, but its typing does come with a couple of benefits - and disadvantages, too, while we're at it. More on that later, though, as I want to start with Altaria's origin, which is a little bit more complex than Swablu's. First and foremost, its name is derived from alto or altus - the respective Italian and Latin words for 'high' - and aria, which is Italian for 'air'. The thing is that Altaria likes to use its buoyant wings to catch updrafts and soar across the sky, gracefully gliding through the clouds - its coloration provides it perfect camouflage, I'd dare say - and singing or humming tunes in a gorgeous soprano voice while doing so. In addition, its voice seems to have special properties that induce a dreamy state in listeners. Therefore, its name might be a reference to an aria, originally a term for any expressive musical melody but now a term used exclusively to describe a self-contained piece for one voice, usually in opera.

Altaria soaring through the skies, accompanied by a bunch of Swablu. There is even
a shiny Swablu thrown into the mix (bottom right). And let's be honest here: Swablu
and Altaria definitely have some of the prettiest shinies out there. 

But I'm not done yet. Altaria is clearly derived from Altair, the predominantly literary name for Alpha Aquilae, the brightest star in the constellation Aquila. This becomes apparent when you take a look at Altaria's Mandarin Chinese name Qīxìqīngniǎo (七夕青鳥), which is a reference to the before-mentioned stage play by that Belgian dramatist and the annually held Qixi - or Qiqiao - Festival. This festival originated from the tale of The Weaver Girl and the Cowherd, a love story featuring the two titular characters symbolizing the stars Altair and Vega - the latter being Alpha Lyrae, the brightest star in the constellation of Lyra.

Now, I need to stop with these stars and constellations before I start seeing stars myself.

Official Sugimori art of Mega Altaria.

Let's move this review forward by discussing Altaria's competitive utility. In itself, Altaria isn't very good. Its great base 90 defense and 105 special defense are backed up by an alright base 75 HP stat, which makes it a moderately bulky Pokémon, but its attacking stats are mediocre and its speed isn't very high, either. Smogon mentions several offensive sets, but I wouldn't use Altaria for that at all. You see, its bulk, Natural Cure ability and movepool allow it to be used as a very handy support Pokémon: Heal Bell cures all status conditions your team has caught, Tailwind doubles the speed of your entire team for four turns, Roost can be used to heal half of Altaria's HP, Haze resets all stat stages of both Pokémon on the battlefield to 0 again, Cotton Guard raises Altaria's already good defense stat to ridiculous levels (especially with a Bold or Impish nature), Substitute creates a substitute in exchange for 25% of its HP, and the Toxic/Protect combo is a classic stalling tactic. Altaria becomes a real star - excuse the pun - when it Mega-evolves, gaining yet another type combination: the unique dragon/fairy. This time, however, it has good offensive and defensive stats, meaning the damage output when you let Altaria Mega-evolve is significantly higher than when you're using a regular one. Its speed stat stays the same, which is kind of a shame, but you'll have Dragon Dance to take care of that, anyway. Moves that go with that are Earthquake, Return (the Pixilate ability of Mega Altaria turns every normal-type move into a fairy-type move) and either Outrage or Dragon Claw, and the preferred nature to back up this moveset is Jolly or Adamant. It has some steel-type coverage in Steel Wing and Iron Tail, and while I think the steel type is rad, these moves are barely worth it.

Also, considering a special moveset supported by Roost might not be a terrible idea, either. Altaria's special movepool is wider than its physical one, boasting moves like Dragon Pulse, Moonblast, Dazzling Gleam, Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Heat Wave, Hyper Voice, Ice Beam, Solar Beam and all types of Hidden Power, but such a moveset is inarguably less effective than a Dragon Dance set.

Altaria looking savage ain't bad, either...

That doesn't take away from Altaria's awesomeness, though, and it certainly doesn't hold me back from loving this thing to death. If I could, I would keep one as a pet. Because, y'know, who wouldn't want a friendly, fluffy and huggable dragon, right? It will envelop someone whom it has bonded with in its soft, cottony wings and then hum with a warm, soothing voice, and I would lie if I said I wouldn't want to experience that. The following rating of 5 whole stars shouldn't be a surprise to y'all, should it?

P.S.: For some reason I kept misspelling Swablu as 'Swablue' throughout the whole article, and I have no idea why. I've known its name since 2003, so it shouldn't have been a problem spelling its name.

P.P.S.: Bulbapedia states that Altaria is based on Peng birds, ginormous birds from Chinese mythology capable of flying 3000 li (Chinese miles) in one flap of their mighty, cloud-like wings. I don't think Altaria resembles those creatures at all, especially when you consider these Peng birds are usually portrayed having a fish's head and whiskers.

Rating: 5/5

#322 - #323: Numel & Camerupt

Y'know, I feel like Hoenn introduced too big a batch of Pokémon and that Gen. III is just a drag at the moment, even though I know full well I am not posting reviews at regular intervals and even took a month-long hiatus near the end of November 2016 so I could play Pokémon Sun and Moon and enjoy them to the fullest. Not that it has anything to do with today's Pokémon, but this sluggish pace is getting the better of me a bit and I want to review my favorite Pokémon already. This is not a complaint, really; I thoroughly enjoy writing articles like these, but I hope Gen. III comes to an end soon.

This Numel doesn't quite have the dumb look on its face, but I
didn't just want to post an image of its official art; that'd be boring.

Speaking of sluggish, today I'm going to discuss some Pokémon that aren't very fast-paced, either. Numel is a small quadruped most likely based on a dromedary camel, but with a stupid expession on its face that is often associated with cows. Located on its back is a volcano-like hump containing boiling magma of almost 2,200°F (how did anyone measure that, anyway?) that hardens and becomes heavier when it is cooled in water and makes Numel slow down (no shit, it has a quadruple weakness to this element because of its fire/ground typing). Numel is a surprisingly strong Pokémon who has served humans for years with its ability to carry heavy loads up to 220 pounds, but it is so dim-witted that it doesn't even notice when it is stuck - or struck, for that matter. But whereas Numel is dull-witted, Camerupt is prone to losing its temper quickly; when it is enraged, the two volcano-like bone structures on its back (yeah, those humps consist of transformed bone, not rock - Camerupt isn't a rock type, after all) erupt, spewing molten lava of almost 18,000°F, even though its Emerald, HGSS, B2W2 and X Pokédex entries mention that the volcanoes erupt violently every 10 years and that research is still carried out to find the cause of this occurrence.

Ahhh, what would Pokémon be without a little bit of inconsistency?

Maxie (left) and Courtney (right) chillin' on the back of his
Camerupt, while a little Numel is tugging at Tabitha's garment. 

Other than that, though, can Camerupt hold its own in the competitive scene? It has the same base stat total as Sharpedo, is Team Magma's Maxie's ace as opposed to Sharpedo being Team Aqua's Archie's ace, and like Sharpedo it was blessed with a Mega in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. In itself, Camerupt is very strong - it has base 100 attack and 105 special attack - and moderately bulky, although its defensive stats aren't really anything to write home about, either. The only real downside is its speed, so it doesn't even matter that it becomes even slower when it Mega-evolves, all in exchange for more power and bulk. It'll never hit first anyway, and you might need that attack stat (Mega Camerupt has 120 attack and 145 special attack all of a sudden), so you'd do best to run a Quiet nature - or a Brave nature if you want more physical power than special power. It is an excellent mixed attacker, as it's perfectly capable of running moves like Earthquake, Iron Head and Rock Slide alongside Fire Blast, Earth Power, Flamethrower, Lava Plume, Flash Cannon, Ancient Power and even Solar Beam (on a sun team); and on top of that, moves with additional effects are boosted by its ability Sheer Force. Want more of a tank? Invest in HP EVs and give it the moves Will-O-Wisp and Stealth Rock, so that it can burn foes and hurt opposing Pokémon a little - or a lot, depending on whether or not a foe has a rock-type weakness - every time they enter the battlefield, respectively. And regular Camerupt? This Pokémon resides in PU, the lowest of Smogon's competitive tiers for fully evolved Pokémon, but the strategy stays largely the same: use Camerupt as either a special attacker with a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as a held item - to boost its moves with - or a tank holding the Leftovers for a little bit of recovery every turn.

This is actually a nice piece of fan art of a Numel snuggling up
to Mega Camerupt. Keep in mind that this Mega Camerupt looks
different and more timid than the one in its official art by Ken
Sugimori.

As for my own opinion of Camerupt... I don't think it looks like a Bactrian camel exactly. Sure, the two humps on its back indicate that it is based on these animals, but camels have elongated necks and usually stand much higher on their feet than Camerupt does. If anything, this Pokémon looks much more bovine, with features specifically related to musk oxen, an animal with the same build and shaggy fur as Camerupt. The only difference is that the musk ox is an Arctic mammal, which Camerupt is obviously not, but maybe that was entirely intentional on Game Freak's part - even though I think I'm giving them way too much credit here. My main problem is Camerupt's Mega form, though. Whereas I mostly think the Mega of a certain Pokémon is a major improvement compared to its regular form, that is unfortunately not the case with Camerupt. Its Mega looks so... off. Its shaggy fur gives its body a much too corpulent look, the legs are too short in proportion to its body, and I actually kinda dislike that stupid grin on its face. Game Freak made its design look more goofy, awkward and, most of all, evil. It looks like it's up to no good, and that's not what Mega Camerupt is about; it has an explosive personality and a chronically short temper, which is why the full-fledged volcano on its back (which is actually the only cool part of its design) constantly erupts, but that's about it. I'll gladly give Camerupt four stars, but that's excluding the Mega. Mega evolution is optional, so it is not required to let Camerupt Mea-evolve, and should you decide to use one after all, it reverts back to what it was after the battle, anyway.

P.S.: Can somebody explain to me what purpose those blue rings on the side of Camerupt's body serve? They don't fit its design at all...

Rating: 4/5

#318 - #319: Carvanha & Sharpedo

Nice fan art of Carvanha. The only thing that's off is the Mario
star on its belly, which really should be a four-pointed star... with
no eyes whatsoever. 

Today we have a couple of more interesting Pokémon than last time, that's for sure. Carvanha is - surprise! - based on a piranha (or piraña, if you will) and, as expected from a fish with teeth, it has strongly developed jaws that can even chew through solid steel and rip up boat hulls. It even actively attacks boats and ships in swarms and lets them sink when they're entering its territory, and they rush to attack en masse if they scent the faintest trace of blood, but it turns suddenly timid and cowardly when it's on its own.

Sure thing, Carvanha. Sure thing.

One curious thing about Carvanha is that it seems to be a freshwater fish rather than a saltwater fish, but I honestly shouldn't be so surprised in the first place, because I actually know that piranhas are freshwater fish inabiting rivers throughout South America. It's probably the fact that Carvanha, a piranha Pokémon, evolves into Sharpedo, a shark Pokémon. And sharks are saltwater fish, as dozens of different species can in fact be found in oceans throughout the globe. In Pokémon anything is possible; I mean, we've had a swine turning into a mammoth, a remora fish turning into an octopus, a waterstrider turning into a mosquito of some sort and a gull turning into a pelican (whoever came up with that should be fired by Game Freak immediately)... so why not a piranha turning into a shark, right? At least it sounds pretty badass, doesn't it?

Archie and his Sharpedo, his signature Pokémon.

Well... yeah? I mean, Sharpedo looks kinda rad, but its flat rear - even though I know full well that Sharpedo's general body shape is that of a torpedo - looks kind of weird, as if its nonexistent tail was cut off abruptly. The main thing I like about Sharpedo is that it has an incredibly battered appearance, with notches cut into its dorsal and pelvic fins and a couple of yellow markings that are supposed to represent scars. I'm not surprised it looks like that, as it is a brutal Pokémon that can chew through iron and steel and destroy supertankers, tearing them into pieces. As such, it is known as the "Bully of the Sea" - or "Gangs of the Sea" when multiple Sharpedo have flocked together - and it is highly feared among mariners. But if that's what seamen are truly afraid of, it is time for them to piss their pants, because Sharpedo has a Mega evolution that looks much scarier than its regular form: its jaws look terrifying, it has yellow markings all over its body now, and it has three pairs of retractable sawblades on its snout that are actually transformed fangs. On top of that, it can now exceed 125 miles per hour with explosive propulsion, compared to the 75 to 80 miles regular Sharpedo can reach by jetting seawater out of its backside.

Official art of Mega Sharpedo, created by Ken Sugimori.

But can Sharpedo live up to its reputation in the competitive scene? Absolutely. It's incredibly frail, but it hits hard and it is relatively fast, especially after a boost from its hidden ability Speed Boost. Rough Skin, its regular ability, damages any foe that makes direct contact with Sharpedo, but it only works when you're feeling super confident and want to run it in combination with a Rocky Helmet for Sharpedo to hold. (Fun fact: Sharpedo's Japanese name is Samehader (サメハダー) and is derived from same, meaning 'shark', and hada-are, which means 'rough skin'. Additionally, samehada means 'shark skin' and Sharpedo's Japanese name might be a corruption of that as well.) It is more of a hit-and-run Pokémon, to be honest, and you'd do better to run Speed Boost in order for you to click Protect and get a free... well, speed boost. After that you can Mega-evolve your Sharpedo and perform a (late-game) sweep with moves like Crunch, Waterfall and Psychic Fangs, although it has access to more coverage moves like Ice Fang, Rock Tomb, Earthquake and Poison Jab. Mega Sharpedo standardly has the ability Strong Jaw, which increases the power of biting moves such as Crunch, Ice Fang and Psychic Fangs and allows it to hit even harder than any other Pokémon normally would. Because of the boost from its hidden ability, Sharpedo can run an Adamant nature over a Jolly one for maximum damage output, too.

A realistic take on Sharpedo.

While Sharpedo is not a favorite of mine, I cannot deny that this Pokémon - its Mega in particular - is pretty dope. I wish I could say its water/dark typing is unique, but Crawdaunt is a Pokémon with the exact same typing as Sharpedo that was introduced in the very same generation (I will discuss Corphish and Crawdaunt probably later next month or early April), and I don't think Sharpedo is any more competitively viable than Crawdaunt, either. Just because of plain badassery, Sharpedo gets a 4.5-star rating, just half a star short of a perfect rating. If only its flat rear didn't make me feel this Pokémon is missing something...

Rating: 4.5/5

#309 - #310: Electrike & Manectric

Look at Electrike's face. No doubt this thing has mischief on its
mind. 

The Pokémon I'm going to discuss now are a pair of weird-looking electric-type canines (wolves, perhaps?) of some sort, one of which - Electrike - is a green quadruped with an oblong headcrest. Remarkably many features are lightning-shaped, including the sides of before-mentioned headcrest and its tail. Electrike uses friction from the atmosphere to generate electricity, which it uses to stimulate its leg muscles and run faster than the human eye can follow and which causes its body to discharge showers of sparks in seasons with arid air or in the calm before a storm. Electrike has an evolution, Manectric, whose fur changed from green to blue with yellow manes and is a lot spikier than its pre-evolution's. Its flavor as much as you'd expect from an electric canine with lightning-shaped patches of fur: pretty generic. Manectric is constantly discharging electricity from its manes, sometimes causing forest fires; it builds nests in places where lightning has struck or where there's plenty of static; and it creates thunderclouds over its head in order to drop its lightning bolts. Okay, the last one is pretty cool, but that's as cool as you're gonna get: even Mega Manectric doesn't have its own distinctive flavor, not even something that elaborates on regular Manectric's characteristics. It's a shame, because this very Mega would have been the perfect opportunity to do something crazy with its flavor, especially as a cool-looking Pokémon like Manectric was obviously designed to be a fan favorite.

Mega Manectric vs Zinogre, a creature from the video
game series Monster Hunter. This fan art is SO COOL!

Mega Manectric was only created for no other purpose than to give it more of an edge in the competitive metagame: regular Manectric's special attack and speed stats, both a solid base 105, are both increased by 30 base points upon Mega-evolving and its defenses get a small boost as well. They're still nothing to write home about, but at least Mega Manectric can live a few hits that are not super effective on it; and because it is only weak to ground due to its pure electric typing, you only have to keep an eye out for incoming Earthquakes, which are fairly easy to predict. Too bad its special movepool sucks. A Mega Manectric moveset always consists of Volt Switch, Thunderbolt, Hidden Power (usually either grass or ice type) and either Overheat or Flamethrower, which makes it pretty predictable in return. What's more, above moveset is even regular Manectric's standard moveset, with the only difference that it should hold a Life Orb, Choice Scarf or the Choice Specs rather than its corresponding Mega Stone. Both Manectric even have their nature in common, as a Timid nature would be the smartest to run if you want them to outspeed your opponents - I mean, a Modest regular Manectric can still hold a Choice Scarf to quickly boost its speed, but Mega Manectric can by no means do that. It's a bummer you can't create a less predictable moveset for Mega Manectric, because it has access to quite some physical moves: Wild Charge, Crunch, Fire Fang, Ice Fang, Return and Iron Tail are some of them, and it can even learn Curse to boost its attack and defense by one stage each (at the cost of some speed), while it learns nothing to boost its special attack with. Unfortunately, its base 70 attack stat won't allow Manectric - Mega or otherwise - to make use of above-mentioned physical moves.

Manectric as seen in the anime, about to be discharging its electricity.

Manectric is such a cool-looking Pokémon, but it's a shame Game Freak never did anything special with it other than giving it a Mega evolution. Even the kind of yōkai Manectric is based on - Raijū, an elemental lightning creature that can take on the shape of various mammals, including a blue wolf wrapped in white and yellow lightning - has been the inspiration for electric-type Pokémon in the past. While I definitely don't think Manectric is some kind of rehash of existing electric-type Pokémon, I think Game Freak and Nintendo could have done a little bit better flavor-wise. Manectric's design is top-notch, though, and it's by no means useless in the competitive scene; it's just too bad it's so predictable due to the lack of special moves. However, its rating will turn out to be much better than you'd expect judging on the stuff I've written already.

Rating: 4.5/5

#307 - #308: Meditite & Medicham

Hoenn is home to some of the weirdest Pokémon in the franchise. Exploud is one of them, but Medicham is pretty fucking weird as well, with even a weirder Mega to boot. Fortunately, it's exactly the kind of weird that I like about Exploud, so prepare yourselves for some serious gushing and raving here.

Official art of Meditite, created by Ken Sugimori. I wish I could
say that I like it, but the onion-shaped head and curled ears are
actually a bit dumb. Also, its eyes are way out of proportion. 

First off, there's Meditite. Y'know, the mediocrity that is called a pre-evolution? That is to say, there are only a few pre-evos that appeal to me more than their final forms - Pikachu, Dragonair and Spheal, for example - and Meditite ain't one of them. Its flavor is quite original for a fighting-type Pokémon, though, and I like it well enough: Meditite usually sits in a yoga position, heightening its inner energy and spiritual power through meditation in order for it to levitate. In yoga, this position is called the Lotus position - or Padmāsana - and supposedly holds the mind completely steady for long periods of time and calms it. However, Meditite always loses its concentration and focus while meditating and thus its training never ends, keeping itself dedicatedly busy with rigorous meditation every day for hours on end. It only eats one berry per day as part of its spiritual training, as it is said that enduring hunger results in a tempered spirit and a sharper mind. Of course, these characteristics explain why Meditite also has the secondary psychic typing on top of its fighting type and why its only regular ability is Pure Power, which doubles its actual attack stat. It's basically Huge Power, but for weird humanoid yoga Pokémon - to this day, the ability is exclusive to Meditite and Medicham.

Medicham is ready to kick some ass! 

The latter of which is one of my favorite Pokémon for a reason, by the way. Instead of having an onion head, like Meditite, Medicham looks like it is wearing a turban - or at least some kind of Arabian headgear. It seems to be based on a couple of deities from the Hindu religion, of which meditation is a prominent aspect, but the bedlah pants and the headgear that resembles a shāl (shawl; compare the Dutch word sjaal, which means 'scarf') give Medicham the appearance of Arabian belly dancers, while the headpiece growth on top of its head resembles a ponytail that can be seen on Persian genies in American fiction. Its flavor is also a lot more interesting than Meditite: Medicham can harness great psychokinetic powers through the practice of meditation, because it has developed a sixth sense that allows it to predict the opponent's next move. To blend it with the belly dancer thing, Medicham battles with elegant, dance-like moves so that it can dodge attacks and launch devastating blows (which is no lie). By becoming one with nature, it can merge itself with its surroundings without much difficulty and vanish, only to focus on its meditation for more than a month without any food; in fact, the deprivation of food allows it to see its opponents' auras. Did you absorb that information? Medicham deprives itself of food to enhance its sixth sense, with which it can predict what its opponent is going to do in battles. In theory, Medicham should never lose or get hit, but of course that's not how it works - not even in the anime - and I bloody damn well know that.

I like how Mega Medicham is depicted as a hieroglyph, given the
fact that its most prominent features are derived from Arabic and
Persian culture.

That is not to say, however, that you shouldn't be cautious around Medicham. Its base 60 attack stat may not look like it's powerful, but its actual attack can reach 480 at level 100 when Pure Power is applied, along with other factors like IVs, EV training and a beneficial nature. Its speed is kind of subpar, but that could easily be fixed by giving it a Choice Scarf. A Choice Band might be an option to boost its ridiculous attack stat even further, although a Life Orb boosts all of its moves without locking it into only one move until you switch it out, because its movepool is way too good for that: aside from STAB High Jump Kick and STAB Zen Headbutt, Medicham also has access to excellent coverage moves like Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Fire Punch, Rock Slide and Poison Jab, and even priority moves like Fake Out and Bullet Punch. Drain Punch is a STAB fighting-type move that heals Medicham for half the damage done to the target and is much more reliable than High Jump Kick, as the latter may be strong (130 power!) but takes away half of Medicham's health if it misses. Drain Punch is a safer alternative, but you could also use both at the same time and fill the remaining two moveslots with Zen Headbutt and a good coverage move that perfectly suits your needs for the upcoming battle.

Medicham is awesome.

Mega Medicham (left) and its shiny form (right). Medicham - and by extension its
Mega evolution - has one of the best shiny color palettes in the games. 

But wait a minute, wait a minute... I'm not done yet! Medicham has a Mega evolution that's even more awesome than its regular form. The shawl on its head has transformed into what's obviously a turban now, the harem pants have more accessories to them (look at them frills and beads!), and behind Mega Medicham itself now float four additional arms. These ghost-like arms were formed by Mega Medicham itself by using its enhanced willpower and are more realistic and dexterous the more trained its spirit is. However, not only Mega Medicham's spirit is enhanced, its power has gone through the roof as well! Base 100 attack would normally be nothing more than just good, but Medicham retains Pure Power upon Mega-evolving and can reach an attack stat of 656 when all the right factors are into play. That's only a little bit less than Mega Mawile's attack stat when Huge Power is in effect, but the only reason why Mega Medicham didn't end up in Ubers (Smogon's legendary tier) is because it isn't able to learn Swords Dance and Mega Mawile is. Moreover, Mega Medicham is relatively frail compared to Mega Mawile, even though its decent speed stat may rescue it from getting hit first from time to time.

Mega Medicham (left) in combat with one of the best Megas ever (Mega Aggron,
right). The former has a type advantage over the latter, but I hope Mega Aggron
is winning.

I love everything about Medicham, but I love its Mega the most. It's definitely one of the weirdest Pokémon Hoenn has to offer, and it has one of the most unique Gen. III designs. I fell in love with Medicham when I used one in an Omega Ruby playthrough. It one-shotted everything, although it had a Brave nature, so it was outsped by other Pokémon more often than not.

Not that it bothered me. Much.

Anyway, it won't surprise anybody that, after all this praise, I'm giving Medicham and its Mega a deserved rating of 5 more-than-perfect little stars. Big time.

Rating: 5/5

#304 - #306: Aron, Lairon & Aggron

Now, I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass, goddamn or flying fuck about Aron and Lairon, but MAN do I love Aggron.

Adorable little Aron being adorable on its rock.

Okay, I said I would talk about every Pokémon, so let's get Aron and Lairon out of the way, shall we? It's not like I hate these Pokémon, but I just wanna talk about Aggron and its pre-evolutions are really rather unremarkable. In fact, the whole line follows a pretty generic evolutionary path: cute first stage, awkward-looking middle stage and badass final stage, even making the big bad beast stand on its hind legs. Amphibian and reptiloid Pokémon do look better when they're bipedal, anyway. Look at Charizard, Nidoking and Rhyperior, for example; I can't ever imagine them being quadrupeds. For what it is, though, Aron ain't bad and I'd dare say it's pretty cute. A cute little pest at that, as extreme hunger will sometime drive it to descend from the mountains to eat bridges or rails - if it can't find any iron ore to feed on in its natural habitat, that is. Iron ore is running out there at a rapid pace, anyway, as this iron ore is also used by Aron to construct its steel body. While Aron may not look strong, one all-out carge can completely demolish a dump truck. Lairon discards the old steel carapace covering its body when it evolves and creates an entirely new armor of steel, sturdier and more effective; it uses its newly acquired armor to bash into others of its species over territory - sparks fly when that occurs, and the sound of their collision carries for miles - or just because it wants to show off its tremendous strength. It tempers its metallic body by drinking highly nutritious mineral springwater and eating rocks rich in iron until it is bloated/stuffed.

Lairon.

But neither of these Pokémon are as badass as Aggron. The longer its horns are, the older it is, and the more wounds Aggron has, the more it has battled; the gouges in its armor from the battles it's had are even worn as mementos. It claims an entire mountain as its territory and agressively defends it against anything or anyone, even mercilessly beating up humans if it has to. But if its mountain is ravaged by a landslide or fire, it will haul the best soil to the area and plant trees there, beautifully restoring its own territory. Isn't that all kinds of adorable? To put it with the words of Bogleech here: secretly, deep in its heart, Aggron is nothing more than a big old softie, even though it is based on the iron-eating monster Bulgasari from Korean mythology. Its pre-evolutions also seem to based on this creature, but less so, and the claim that they are somehow dragon-like - check out Lairon's namesake, the word 'dragon' is all over the place - is ridiculous to me. Sure, the entire line are defined by their saurian features, but that doesn't make them dragons; they're steel/rock types, not steel/dragon types, and Aggron's Mega evolution even loses the rock type to become a pure steel type. If anything, Lairon and Aggron look more like dinosaurs.

Some explosive fan art of Aggron (above) and its
Mega form (below). 

Competitively, Aggron can be a good asset to any team when used right. With its monstrous base 180 defense and excellent base 110 attack, it can hit hard and tank physical hits. Especially the combination of an Adamant nature, a Choice Band and the ability Rock Head, which prevents any recoil damage from moves that have exactly that as a side effect, allows it to deal massive damage with a move called Head Smash. You'll have to breed it onto Aron, but it'll be worth it. On top of that, Aggron has some excellent type coverage: Heavy Slam is a STAB steel-type move that deals more damage the heavier Aggron is compared to the opposing Pokémon - even though Iron Head and Smart Strike (a move that never misses) deal fixed damage and might be more reliable - and it has access to moves of various other types, such as Earthquake, Dragon Claw, Dragon Rush, Brick Break, Superpower, Low Kick, Aqua Tail and the elemental punches (Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and Fire Punch). If you use Mega Aggron, however, another strategy is required. Because it loses the rock typing to become a pure steel type, it also loses its quadruple weaknesses to ground and fighting, which is nice. Plus, the Filter ability lets super-effective damage do 25% less on Mega Aggron than normally, substantially making it even more bulky than it already is: base 230 defense is monstrous, even tying with Shuckle and Mega Steelix for the highest base defense stat, and its base 80 special defense is also quite passable. It likes to cripple opposing Pokémon with Thunder Wave, set up Stealth Rock so that opponents take a little damage depending on their types when they're switched in, deal heavy damage with a STAB Heavy Slam (pun most definitely intended), and tank physical hits like they're flies colliding with a windshield due to an Impish nature. Mega Aggron lacks any recovery other than Rest, but it has top-notch endurance in the first place, so you don't necessarily have to worry about that.

Mega Aggron in TCG art. If you still don't think it looks like a beast, you're gonna
have to have your eyes checked. 

I absolutely adore everything about Aggron, from its flavor and design to its Mega and competitive prowess. I think it embodies the term 'monster' perfectly, even more so than Pokémon like Tyranitar and Tyrantrum and the like, but maybe I'm a little biased in that regard. Steel is my favorite type in the games, and Aggron is everything a steel type should be like: its minimalistic color palette keeps its design from becoming too busy and focuses perfectly on the steel elements of said design. Aggron's Mega evolution is even one of my favorites as well, coming third after Steelix's (obviously also a steel type) and Pidgeot's. It'll come as no surprise to anyone that I'm giving this Pokémon a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5