#322 - #323: Numel & Camerupt

Y'know, I feel like Hoenn introduced too big a batch of Pokémon and that Gen. III is just a drag at the moment, even though I know full well I am not posting reviews at regular intervals and even took a month-long hiatus near the end of November 2016 so I could play Pokémon Sun and Moon and enjoy them to the fullest. Not that it has anything to do with today's Pokémon, but this sluggish pace is getting the better of me a bit and I want to review my favorite Pokémon already. This is not a complaint, really; I thoroughly enjoy writing articles like these, but I hope Gen. III comes to an end soon.

This Numel doesn't quite have the dumb look on its face, but I
didn't just want to post an image of its official art; that'd be boring.

Speaking of sluggish, today I'm going to discuss some Pokémon that aren't very fast-paced, either. Numel is a small quadruped most likely based on a dromedary camel, but with a stupid expession on its face that is often associated with cows. Located on its back is a volcano-like hump containing boiling magma of almost 2,200°F (how did anyone measure that, anyway?) that hardens and becomes heavier when it is cooled in water and makes Numel slow down (no shit, it has a quadruple weakness to this element because of its fire/ground typing). Numel is a surprisingly strong Pokémon who has served humans for years with its ability to carry heavy loads up to 220 pounds, but it is so dim-witted that it doesn't even notice when it is stuck - or struck, for that matter. But whereas Numel is dull-witted, Camerupt is prone to losing its temper quickly; when it is enraged, the two volcano-like bone structures on its back (yeah, those humps consist of transformed bone, not rock - Camerupt isn't a rock type, after all) erupt, spewing molten lava of almost 18,000°F, even though its Emerald, HGSS, B2W2 and X Pokédex entries mention that the volcanoes erupt violently every 10 years and that research is still carried out to find the cause of this occurrence.

Ahhh, what would Pokémon be without a little bit of inconsistency?

Maxie (left) and Courtney (right) chillin' on the back of his
Camerupt, while a little Numel is tugging at Tabitha's garment. 

Other than that, though, can Camerupt hold its own in the competitive scene? It has the same base stat total as Sharpedo, is Team Magma's Maxie's ace as opposed to Sharpedo being Team Aqua's Archie's ace, and like Sharpedo it was blessed with a Mega in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. In itself, Camerupt is very strong - it has base 100 attack and 105 special attack - and moderately bulky, although its defensive stats aren't really anything to write home about, either. The only real downside is its speed, so it doesn't even matter that it becomes even slower when it Mega-evolves, all in exchange for more power and bulk. It'll never hit first anyway, and you might need that attack stat (Mega Camerupt has 120 attack and 145 special attack all of a sudden), so you'd do best to run a Quiet nature - or a Brave nature if you want more physical power than special power. It is an excellent mixed attacker, as it's perfectly capable of running moves like Earthquake, Iron Head and Rock Slide alongside Fire Blast, Earth Power, Flamethrower, Lava Plume, Flash Cannon, Ancient Power and even Solar Beam (on a sun team); and on top of that, moves with additional effects are boosted by its ability Sheer Force. Want more of a tank? Invest in HP EVs and give it the moves Will-O-Wisp and Stealth Rock, so that it can burn foes and hurt opposing Pokémon a little - or a lot, depending on whether or not a foe has a rock-type weakness - every time they enter the battlefield, respectively. And regular Camerupt? This Pokémon resides in PU, the lowest of Smogon's competitive tiers for fully evolved Pokémon, but the strategy stays largely the same: use Camerupt as either a special attacker with a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as a held item - to boost its moves with - or a tank holding the Leftovers for a little bit of recovery every turn.

This is actually a nice piece of fan art of a Numel snuggling up
to Mega Camerupt. Keep in mind that this Mega Camerupt looks
different and more timid than the one in its official art by Ken
Sugimori.

As for my own opinion of Camerupt... I don't think it looks like a Bactrian camel exactly. Sure, the two humps on its back indicate that it is based on these animals, but camels have elongated necks and usually stand much higher on their feet than Camerupt does. If anything, this Pokémon looks much more bovine, with features specifically related to musk oxen, an animal with the same build and shaggy fur as Camerupt. The only difference is that the musk ox is an Arctic mammal, which Camerupt is obviously not, but maybe that was entirely intentional on Game Freak's part - even though I think I'm giving them way too much credit here. My main problem is Camerupt's Mega form, though. Whereas I mostly think the Mega of a certain Pokémon is a major improvement compared to its regular form, that is unfortunately not the case with Camerupt. Its Mega looks so... off. Its shaggy fur gives its body a much too corpulent look, the legs are too short in proportion to its body, and I actually kinda dislike that stupid grin on its face. Game Freak made its design look more goofy, awkward and, most of all, evil. It looks like it's up to no good, and that's not what Mega Camerupt is about; it has an explosive personality and a chronically short temper, which is why the full-fledged volcano on its back (which is actually the only cool part of its design) constantly erupts, but that's about it. I'll gladly give Camerupt four stars, but that's excluding the Mega. Mega evolution is optional, so it is not required to let Camerupt Mea-evolve, and should you decide to use one after all, it reverts back to what it was after the battle, anyway.

P.S.: Can somebody explain to me what purpose those blue rings on the side of Camerupt's body serve? They don't fit its design at all...

Rating: 4/5

#255 - #257: Torchic, Combusken & Blaziken

From an incredibly badass plant lizard we move on to... an oversized chicken. An awesome oversized chicken, that is.

Awww, our cute little chickie!

Of course, every oversized chicken starts off as a chick. Torchic is the perfectly adorable starter Pokémon, and like we can expect from a chick it follows its Trainer with an unsteady gait. It keeps a flame somewhere in its belly that causes it to feel warm when it is hugged, which - in combination with its own fluffy coat - will give its Trainer a warm feeling indeed. When Torchic is attacked, it will shoot fireballs with a temperature up to 1,800°F resulting from above-mentioned internal flame. It should be mentioned that Torchic's Japanese name is Achamo (アチャモ), which is derived from the shamo, a breed of chicken once bred and raised for cockfights. As Torchic evolves into Combusken, it gains the fighting type, which set the tone for Game Freak to create Gen. IV and Gen. V fire/fighting starters as well. Maybe they noticed Blaziken's overwhelming popularity and decided to build from there, but by the time Emboar was announced, everybody had come to hate new fire/fighting starters tremendously. I mean, you can pull off the same trick twice in a row, but three times? No. And let's be frank here: a skinny ape and a fat boar aren't quite as impressive as an oversized chicken that beats the crap out of everybody, right? (Yes, I know the phrase 'oversized chicken' has a negative connotation to it, but I don't mean it that way, I swear.)

Pretty cool fan art of Combusken, who seems to be sparring
with Braixen. 

But Torchic and its evolutions are not only based on the shamo chicken. There's a creature in Japanese mythology called the basan - or, alternatively, the basabasa or inuhōō - which is a fowl-like bird that resembles a large chicken and breathes a cold, ghostly fire. The only difference, of course, is that Torchic and its evolutions produce scorching hot flames... Anyway, let's continue with Combusken, a Pokémon that is so engrossed in training every day that its powerful legs can dish out up to ten kicks per second. Combusken is noisy while it fights, producing sharp cries that distract and intimidate its opponent and boost its own confidence and concentration. As a Blaziken, its legs have developed and muscled up so much that it can use techniques Combusken cannot, such as Blaze Kick and High Jump Kick. What's more, its legs are actually so powerful that they allow Blaziken to leap over 30-story buildings. However, not only its kicks are devastating; its punches are also very dangerous, and that's because of the white-hot flames that come out of its wrists, which burn more intensely the tougher the foe is and leave them scorched and blackened. Blaziken even has a Mega evolution, who hones the power of its kicks and even experiences a burning feeling from the friction of the surrounding atmosphere as it unleashes a flurry of savage kicks. As Mega Blaziken's body temperature increases, its power and speed continue to ramp up.

Blaziken as seen in Pokkén Tournament.

In that regard, the Speed Boost ability is quite fitting on (Mega) Blaziken, but when I take a look at its moves I'm surprised it didn't get Reckless. It's an ability that boosts the power of recoil moves by 20%, and moves like High Jump Kick, Brave Bird and Flare Blitz would greatly benefit from it. Speed Boost ain't bad though, and when a hidden ability Blaziken Mega-evolves, it retains that ability. That, in combination with a potential Swords Dance and Blaziken's formidable attacking stats, makes both Blaziken and its Mega form so incredibly powerful that they were bundled off to Smogon's Uber tier. Both can be used as mixed attackers, but they lean more towards a physical moveset, especially when you consider they have easy access to Swords Dance. Blaziken's physical movepool is also extensive to such an extent that a special moveset would be stretching it. I mean, you can run Overheat or Fire Blast instead of - or next to - Flare Blitz, just because the latter deals so much recoil damage to Blaziken, but aside from that a late-game Swords Dance sweep is very much preferable. Just note that you need to let Blaziken carry a Blazikenite when you want to Mega-evolve it, but that a Life Orb or Choice Band would suffice if you don't. And because you're running Speed Boost on Blaziken by default (ain't nobody want to use the Blaze ability; this ability fires up fire-type moves when Blaziken gets below 33% health, but it doesn't have the defenses to make good use of it), you can just slap an Adamant nature on it, no problem. You can even give it the move Protect, so you can get a free speed increase.

Amazing fan art of Mega Blaziken. Yes, the fire 'ribbons' on its wrist are part of
its design. 

Yup, Blaziken is a monster and a fan favorite, and the fact that it got a Mega before Sceptile and Swampert only supports that statement. I always ended up choosing either Treecko or Torchic as my Hoenn starter, just because I thought their final evos were awesome (they still are). Sceptile is still my favorite starter Pokémon ever, but I love Blaziken as well and I certainly think it deserves a perfect rating.

Next up is Swampert. Oh man, you gotta love the Hoenn starters!

Rating: 5/5

#250: Ho-Oh

Ho-Oh as seen in the very first episode of the anime series.

You know, I don't mean to offend anyone who loves Ho-Oh, but this Pokémon is nowhere near as sick as Lugia. Ho-Oh is the first Gen. II Pokémon to be shown in the anime, and in the very first episode at that, but it didn't get the attention Lugia got: it doesn't have its own movie or anime arc and the appearances it has made so far are merely cameos. And even though Lugia doesn't have the power to resurrect Pokémon like Ho-Oh does - the latter revived Entei, Raikou and Suicune during a war that caused the Tin Tower and Brass Tower to burn down - Ho-Oh got nothing on Lugia. Game Freak even took Ho-Oh's signature move Sacred Fire and gave it to Entei, who makes far better use of it, while Lugia is still showing off what I call Aeroblast awesomeness. Poor Ho-Oh; it's as if Game Freak knows Lugia is more loved and popular than Ho-Oh and that they're deliberately putting it in the spotlights on a continuing basis because that's what the audience want. Of course, Ho-Oh is the mascot of Pokémon Gold and Pokémon HeartGold, but Lugia even got its own GameCube game in Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness. I absolutely LOVE Lugia and I fully understand why it is getting more attention, but that doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for Ho-Oh.

Flaming homo Fearow. :')

Like, it's not as if it's a bad Pokémon or something. It has the same base stat total as Lugia, sitting at 680, so it should obviously do something right. Right? Right, so its base 154 special defense is by far its best stat, which means you could easily run a specially defensive Ho-Oh, right? Wrong. It's not even necessary to invest in some HP EV training, because its base 130 attack and base 110 special attack make it more of a mixed attacker. At least, that's what Ho-Oh could be used for, as it learns some nifty special-based moves aside from its excellent physical-based coverage, although it is more common to run an Adamant-natured Ho-Oh holding a Choice Band or Life Orb. Naturally, its moveset should consist of STAB Brave Bird, STAB Sacred Fire (which is a physical move, strangely), Earthquake and a fourth and final move that fits your needs. You see, Ho-Oh resides in Smogon's Uber tier, like Lugia. When you know for a certainty that the opponent is bringing a Darkrai to the battlefield, you can also be sure that it's going to put you to sleep with Dark Void. So in order to counter that, you can give Ho-Oh Sleep Talk, which is a move that selects any of its other moves to attack with and makes sure you hit the Darkrai or any Pokémon your opponent switches out into. However, if you feel safer with an extra coverage move, Zen Headbutt and Iron Head are both viable options.

Ho-Oh does have its flaws, though: it has a quadruple weakness to rock and thus it's heavily damaged by Stealth Rock - and any physical-based rock-type move for that matter, due to its relatively low base 90 defense stat. Even its hidden ability Regenerator, which heals Ho-Oh when it switches out and is an amazing ability otherwise, won't do much for it then. And, to top it off, this bird's base 90 speed makes it slower than a flying beluga whale. Go figure.

Ho-Oh in front of the Bell Tower, a.k.a. the Tin Tower. This
tower was rebuilt after the war that meant the destruction of the
Brass and Tin Towers, but the former was never renovated or
rebuilt.

Yeah, while Lugia's design is just plain fabulous, Ho-Oh's design, typing and origin actually make a lot more sense. While it looks like it's based on phoenixes in general - hōō is Japanese for 'phoenix' - its Cantonese and Mandarin Chinese names of Fuhngwòhng (鳳凰) and Fèngwáng (鳳王), respectively, refer to one specific phoenix called the fenghuang, a mythological bird from Chinese folklore that reigns over all the other birds. As it often replaces the rooster in the Chinese zodiac, it is often referred to as the 'August Rooster'. While in the West it is commonly called the Chinese phoenix, mythological similarities with the Western phoenix are superficial, although the fenghuang was often depicted attacking snakes with its talons and wings spread. Anyone who has seen or read Fawkes attack the basilisk in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets knows what the fuck I'm talking about. Ho-Oh may also be based on the Huma, a mythical bird from Iranian legends and fables that is said to never alight on the ground and instead to live its entire life flying invisibly high above the Earth. In several variations of the Huma tale, the bird is said to consume itself in fire every few hundred years and rise anew from its ashes. Apparently, it can do the same thing with others, which is an obvious wink to Ho-Oh's power of resurrection: it was seen to be reborn from its own ashes and had a hand in resurrecting the legendary beasts. Also, anyone who catches a glimpse of the Huma, or even its shadow, will be sure to be a happy motherfucker for the rest of their life. Same for Ho-Oh, because the rare pure-hearted few who bear witness to it are promised eternal happiness.

Additionally, the fact that Ho-Oh leaves a trail of rainbows and myths in its wake when it flies the skies continuously on its magnificent seven-colored wings (that's another Huma reference right there) in search for Trainers with a pure heart may mean it's based on Achiyalabopa, a bird god of the Native American Pueblo peoples. It is described as being extraordinary in size and having rainbow-colored feathers that are as sharp as knives.

Okay, this wallpaper is kind of lit.

Oh, Ho-Oh... There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, it's just that Lugia gets more love. And I'm guilty of paying all of my attention to your counterpart as well, because I absolutely ADORE Lugia and I don't think you're as interesting as my second favorite Pokémon. Lugia is unique, one of a kind; this whole phoenix thing, however, was done with Moltres before you came, and has been done all over with Fletchinder and Talonflame recently. Ho-Oh, you have been deprived of being put in the spotlights by Game Freak and Nintendo over and over again, while all the love went to Lugia. You know what? I'll give you a 4.5-star rating, maybe that'll cheer you up.

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? Ho-Oh will spend its life hiding itself until it gets faith in humanity again, and I don't see that happen anytime soon.

Rating: 4.5/5

#244: Entei

Entei in a volcanic landscape, apparently its natural habitat.

Entei is the second of the Johto legendary beasts, but I'm still not sure whether it's tied with Suicune as my favorite one, whether it is actually my favorite one or whether the honor of being my favorite legendary beast goes to Suicune. I guess the following two entries should decide which one of the above options is applicable to me. And yes, I know that it was Suicune who had a spot in my top 50 of favorite Pokémon, but as I said before, that blog is badly written and even makes myself cringe from time to time. Moreover, the majority of the Pokémon in that list were on there because of their designs. On this blog I'm taking a number of factors into account for my final rating - think about design, cuteness, competitive and in-game viability, fondness of the Pokémon, my own experiences, etc. - so there's a world of difference between the two blogs. I am of the opinion that this very blog is the better one by a landslide, although that should be kind of obvious: I am significantly better at English than I was three years ago, especially when you consider that I actually studied Enlish in order to become a literary translator in the meantime. But this blog is also a much bigger project than my previous blog. It will take up years and I think it's a very effective way to practice, and subsequently improve, my writing skills. I hope.

This art should at least clarify why I like Entei more than
Raikou.

You know, I usually make shit up as I go, so excuse me for wandering off too much. This article is actually about Entei, who represents the flames that burned the Brass Tower. And no, it didn't cause the fire; Entei was resurrected by Ho-Oh after the Brass Tower burned down, along with Raikou and Suicune - the former represents the lightning bolt that struck the tower and the latter represents the rain that quenched the flames consuming it. Entei's Pokédex entries actually contradict the whole resurrection thing, because they say that it is said that an Entei is born every time a volcano appears and that one erupts somewhere around the globe whenever Entei roars. Following that logic, there should be hundreds of Entei in the world, although it has to be said that the topography of the Pokémon world probably differs quite a bit from that of the real world. Entei is probably best known for its appearance in the third Pokémon movie, Pokémon 3: The Movie - Spell of the Unown: Entei, in which a scientist gets sucked into an alternate dimension by a bunch of Unown, after which they make his daughter Molly's every wish come true and create an Entei as a substitute Daddy. This Entei wasn't real, but it was still pretty goddamn powerful for something that was nothing more than an illusion created by a bunch of letters.

A wild Entei appeared!
(Also, I picked this picture because there's a Togetic in it, duh.)

Not only is Entei a powerful Pokémon, it also looks very regal. The mane of grey smoke definitely contributes to that, but its origin is the most important part. First off, Entei's name is composed of the Japanese words en ('flame') and kōtei ('emperor'), forming entei ('flame emperor'). It is probably also derived from enten, meaning 'blazing heat', which sounds about right when you consider that Entei can spout flames hotter than a volcano's magma. Even its Chinese name Yándì (炎帝) is derived from yán dì, meaning 'flame emperor', and is actually a corruption of entei. Aesthetically, Entei may be based on Chinese guardian lions, which correlates with it serving as a guardian for Molly and her allies in the third movie. Entei may also be based on the Balinese lion spirit Barong, due to its lion-like appearance, mask-like crest - which also vaguely resembles a kabuto, a type of helmet that became an important part of the traditional Japanese armor worn by the samurai class, but were first used by ancient Japanese warriors - and masses of fur. This Barong creature is often seen in Indonesian parades and festivals with the aesthetic features of Entei I just mentioned and all kinds of bling attached to it. But despite Entei's feline origin, it actually looks more canine, which oddly also applies to Raikou and Suicune.

Oh man, there's an abundance of Entei fan art to be found on the
Internet. I had a hard time picking the most awesome pieces of
art.

Entei, however, is by far the best to use competitively. Whereas Suicune is used for stalling and both Raikou and Suicune can set up with Calm Mind, Entei has a few tricks up its sleeve that make it stand out to its two companions. First off, it is one of only two Pokémon that can learn Sacred Fire (the other is Ho-Oh, its resurrector), which is a base 100 physical-based fire-type move with a 50% chance of burning the foe and no recoil damage whatsoever (I'm looking at you, Flare Blitz). Second, its access to Extreme Speed makes Entei a fantastic late-game cleaner. Flare Blitz and Extreme Speed are exclusive to an event-only shiny Entei from 2010 and 2011, rocking an Adamant nature, so you're required to use this one if you want Extreme Speed. This particular Entei also knows Howl, which raises its attack by one stage, but that's not a very good move and doesn't do well on a Choice Band set at all. I'd recommend you go with a moveset consisting of Sacred Fire, Extreme Speed, Stone Edge and either Iron Tail or Iron Head. Sadly, that's as far as Entei's physical movepool goes, so you're basically stuck with these moves. Why, at least it's a good moveset; you can't really go wrong with it.

Even art that seems to be made with crayons makes Entei look
beautiful. 

But wait a minute, that shiny Entei isn't the only event Pokémon from the winter of 2011; players could also acquire shiny Raikou and shiny Suicune with event-only moves. Don't they have some tricks up their sleeves? The short answer to that question is, 'No.' The shiny Suicune has a Relaxed nature, which is a terrible nature that slows Suicune down; and at base 85 speed, it's already the slowest of the legendary beasts to begin with. One of the moves it has is Sheer Cold, which is a horribly inaccurate OHKO move, and even Aqua Ring, Air Slash and Extreme Speed don't really help its cause. Okay, Air Slash is a decent flying-type coverage move, but Suicune's base 75 attack stat renders Extreme Speed pretty much useless. And Raikou? Raikou has a Rash nature, which is not the best nature for it but also not the worst. The moves it gets are Zap Cannon, Weather Ball, Aura Sphere and Extreme Speed. Zap Cannon, like Sheer Cold, is horribly inaccurate, but at least it will inflict guaranteed paralysis on the foe if it hits. Thunder Wave is still better for guaranteed paralysis, though, and you can always use Thunderbolt to damage opponents. Weather Ball only works in combination with a weather condition; it will do base 50 normal-type damage when there's no weather, but it will turn into a base 100 water-, ice- or fire-type move in rain, hail or sun, respectively. It's merely situational and not very useful. Even Extreme Speed doesn't do all that much due to Raikou's base 85 attack stat, although I have to say Aura Sphere provides for some very neat fighting-type coverage.

Shiny Raikou (left), Entei (middle) and Suicune (right). Their shiny forms were
even present in the thirteenth Pokémon movie, Pokémon - Zoroark: Master of
Illusions.

At the end of the day, though, it is clear that Entei is supposed to be a physical attacker and that Adamant nature only boosts its attack. And as Sacred Fire and Extreme Speed are both physical-based moves, Entei can make perfect use of them. I think I've made up my mind now: Entei - and not Suicune - is my favorite Johto legendary beast, and I don't think writing Suicune's entry will change that. What's more, I feel a little ashamed that I didn't include Entei in my top 50 favorite Pokémon, because it's no less than iconic. Plus, I am of the opinion that fan art of Entei is just this little bit more awesome than fan art of either Raikou or Suicune, and I'm not saying that because I like Entei much more than Suicune and, especially, Raikou. You probably already noticed that while scrolling through this article. And if you didn't, you're just fucking blind.

Rating: 5/5

#228 - #229: Houndour & Houndoom

(Disclaimer: The following paragraph contains some content from Pikachu's Global Adventure: The Rise and Fall of Pokémon by editor Joseph Tobin. It is an informative book containing a collection of essays by various authors analyzing the popularity of Pokémon by addressing core debates about the globalization of popular culture and children's consumption of mass-produced culture.)

TCG art of Houndour.

There has been public outcry from religious parents against Pokémon since it started to be a thing in 1998; in Japan the craze started two years previous, but the franchise has remained relatively free of criticism in its home country, despite the infamous spree of epileptic seizures that the anime episode "Electric Soldier Porygon" induced in young viewers in 1997. In spite of official approval from the Anglican Church and the Vatican in 2000, religious parents and other church officials continue to believe the subliminal messages found in the cartoon series, movies, games and cards are 'tantamount to training children in the occult'. Those so-called malevolent messages include evolution, occultism, violence as a source of power, sexual perversion, and New Age concepts such as reincarnation (wait, I am genuinely confused right now; 'original' Christians don't believe in reincarnation?) and psychic powers. Critics cite Satanic elements in Pokémon, such as 'inflicting pain through slashing, psychic powers, fits of rage and draining the life force out of on opponent', and according to them, Pokémon is nothing short of 'an epic struggle with Satan for the souls of children and adults'. Some parents go as far as making their children burn their cards and destroy their video games.

OMG, this papercraft Houndoom is amazing!

While I personally believe these cries of disapproval and condemnation are nothing but a pile of horseshit, Game Freak did create two Pokémon based on creatures from the underworld: Houndour and Houndoom, who are obviously based on hellhounds. They also share some traits with regular dog breeds like Rottweilers and Doberman Pinschers, and the striped patterns on their backs even make them bear resemblance to the thylacine. While this creature sounds like it's some kind of base liquid, it was actually a marsupial more commonly known as the Tasmanian wolf or Tasmanian tiger (even though it wasn't feline) - not to be confused with the Tasmanian devil - and is believed to have gone extinct in 1936. There are several tales of different kinds of hellhounds in various kinds of folklores, but it's enough to know that Houndour and Houndoom are based on hellhounds in general. And let's be honest here: some of their aesthetics are noticeably satanic, among which the skull-like crest on Houndour's head, Houndoom's curved horns and Houndoom's arrow-shaped tail. The latter is commonly associated with the devil, who is often depicted with a tail ending in a triangular tip. Even Houndour and Houndoom's Japanese names, Delvil (デルビル) and Hellgar (ヘルガー), are obvious references to Hell and the Devil, while Houndoom's French and German names, Démolosse and Hundemon, contain the words démon and Dämon, respectively. I probably don't have to tell you what the English translation of those words is, right?

This more realistic approach of Houndour and Houndoom is fantastic. There are
some really talented artists on the Internet. 

Unfortunately, Houndour's Pokédex entries are excruciatingly lame. They're nothing more than it showing common pack behavior and teamwork with others of its species. Houndoom's also mention pack behavior, but quite differently: the one Houndoom with its horn raked sharply towards its back serves a leadership role in the pack, and the leader is usually chosen by fighting among themselves. Houndoom's guts contain toxins that it uses to create fire, which is why Houndoom's fire has a foul odor and the wounds and pain inflicted by it will never heal or go away. Other Pokémon shudder in fear and flee when they hear its eerie howls, and people from the past imagined its howls to be the call of the Grim Reaper. Now, that's more like a hellhound!

Mega Houndoom.

Houndoom also proves to be quite the hellhound in the competitive scene: it's supposed to be a speedy special attacker with a Timid nature, a Life Orb attached to it, and a moveset consisting of Nasty Plot and three attacking moves. As Houndoom's movepool is kind of lacking, you're stuck with Dark Pulse and Fire Blast, and probably Sludge Bomb or some type of Hidden Power. Mega Houndoom, however, has a whole different tactic: the Sunny Day/Solar Beam combo. While regular Houndoom doesn't have access to the ability Solar Power - the best ability for it is Flash Fire, which lets it absorb fire-type moves and raises its special attack in the process - Mega Houndoom does, and it uses it with flair. This ability increases Mega Houndoom's special attack when the sun is up at the cost of some HP each turn, and when Sunny Day is in effect, fire-type moves get a 50% boost and Solar Beam doesn't require a turn to charge. It's like a Life Orb, only in the form of an ability. It has proved to be quite effective, although you could just slap Nasty Plot on it and replace Solar Beam with something like Taunt or Will-O-Wisp if you want Houndoom to last longer. By the way, have you noticed how Mega Houndoom's tail now almost looks like the devil's trident? Nice touch. Also, its body is now covered with a bone-like armor and the claws on its paws are red because of its ability to generate more heat.

Houndoom in what looks like the middle of a wildfire.

I have nothing but love for this thing, especially since Game Freak decided to give it an awesome Mega. Those who regularly visit my blog have probably deduced by now that I am an atheist, by the use of variations of the word 'goddammit'. I don't have much with religion in general, and that has much to do with religious people in my environment condemning my lifestyle and saying I should turn my life around (I'm gay), but mostly I just think most of them are hateful, hypocritical and biased and don't want me to play Pokémon. So Pokémon based on creatures from the underworld is my definition of irony, although I think Game Freak didn't create Houndour and Houndoom to intentionally offend Christians - or religious people in general. Of course, the main reason why I love Houndoom and its Mega is because they look awesome, but I figured this would be an excellent moment to voice my opinion about religion. I know I don't seem nice right now, but I have had too many negative experiences with Christians in my own country (lucky for me I live in the Netherlands, one of the most gay-friendly countries in the world). However, believe me when I say I'm very much like Houndour: I bark, but I don't bite.

Rating: 5/5

#218 - #219: Slugma & Magcargo

I think Slugma's old official art (right) is much better than its
current official art (left). The latter's snout shape is just so weird
compared to the other. 

Talk about insignificant. Slugma and Magcargo have never been such popular Pokémon and I can understand why, even though I quite like them personally. That is to blame on a mix of terrible competitive utility, horrendous flavor inconsistency, and its overall easy-to-forget design. While they're not exactly the same, Numel and Camerupt can do what Slugma and Magcargo can, only much better. Camerupt even has a Mega to boot. But surely there are some positive aspects to be found of Slugma and Magcargo, right? Slugma, a little magma slug, has a circulatory system composed entirely of intensely hot magma, which delivers vital nutrients and oxygen to its organs. However, it never sleeps nor ever stops moving in order to prevent its body from cooling or hardening, because if it does it will become brittle and start to break apart. Slugma's shiny form is gray and may be based on cooled, hardened magma, which is usually a metallic gray color.

Magcargo.

But whereas Slugma's body may be intensely hot, Magcargo's body temperature is ridiculously high. I'd say even impossibly high, because at 18,000°F its body is even hotter than the surface of the sun (9,940°F). It would be impossible to approach Magcargo in the first place, let alone touch it. And according to its Pokédex entries, its magma body causes water to evaporate on contact, yet in the games it is still 4x weak to water due to its additional rock type. That's due to the rocky shell, which is just skin that has hardened and is brittle enough to be crumbled apart by touching it slightly, but Magcargo - the 'cargo' part being derived from 'cargo' and escargot, the French word for 'snail' - can reform its body by dipping itself in magma. That reminds me of Magmar, who dips its body in lava in order to instantly recover from its injuries, but reforming your body is still an entirely different thing than healing it. While Slugma and Magcargo are believed to be based on the Chilean myth of the Cherufe, mythical evil creatures of rock and magma that are found in the mythology of the indigenous Mapuche people in south-central Chile and southwestern Argentina and inhabit the magma pools of Chilean volcanoes, nothing actually indicates that those monsters take on the form of snails or slugs.

A more 'realistic' approach to Macargo: a magma snail with a
shell on its back. Snails don't usually let fire escape from their
shells, but whatever. 

In legends, Cherufe are the source of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions; and while Magcargo can learn Earthquake, it's not evidence of it being based on the Cherufe, because many other Pokémon can learn Earthquake as well. Magcargo doesn't even learn Eruption, but it doesn't need it. This move does more damage the more HP Magcargo has, but Magcargo is slow in the first place and it will always take a hit first, instantly reducing its HP and weakening Eruption. Handier is Shell Smash, which sharply raises Magcargo's attack, special attack and speed but lowers each defense stat by one stage. It's an appropriate move for it (however, despite the brittle shell its defense is still a solid base 120) and if you manage to pull it off, you're good to go. Unfortunately, Magcargo doesn't have many coverage moves: Earth Power isn't even STAB, the only special-based rock-type move it gets is Ancient Power, and the only good moves it has aside from Earth Power are its fire-type moves. Lava Plume, Flamethrower and Heat Wave are pretty reliable, while Fire Blast is stronger but less accurate. As for items and abilities, Magcargo isn't very viable competitively, and it is outclassed by so many other fire-type Pokémon in the tier (PU; partly used) that it's not even funny. Don't even think about using Magcargo as a defensive support Pokémon, because its low HP won't back up its great defense stat, and common water- and ground-types will completely annihilate it. And let's not start about its mediocre special defense. It can still be a decent in-game Pokémon with any desirable item attached to it, if you have the patience to wait for Slugma to evolve into Magcargo at level 38.

Magcargo is not as good as it should have been, but at least Game Freak went with an interesting concept, flavor inconsistency aside (a body hotter than the sun's surface, really?). Plus, I quite like its design, and it makes me think that it's just a shame that Magcargo isn't a better Pokémon overall. I don't think I'm ever gonna use it, but I don't hate it. Like, at all.

Rating: 4/5

#155 - #157: Cyndaquil, Quilava & Typhlosion

You know, even though I like Maganium a lot more than Typhlosion now, I always ended up choosing Cyndaquil - and sometimes even Totodile - when doing a Gold or Silver playthrough. There's no denying it: out of all the Johto starters, Typhlosion is the best option to use in-game.

Art of Cyndaquil from Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon.

But I don't even know where to start with Cyndaquil. Its origin is an absolute mess, as it seems to be based on several mammals. Due to its long snout and the spiky fire coming from its back, the inspiration for Cyndaquil might be drawn from echidnas, which are hedgehog-like mammals that can lay eggs, very much like the platypus. It shares traits with shrew mice, which aren't actually rodents but are in fact a much closer relative of moles. Cyndaquil's Japanese name, Hinoarashi (ヒノアラシ), is a combination of hi (fire) and yama-arashi (porcupine) and suggests that it might in fact be based on a porcupine, although it is definitely a wordplay on hi no arashi, which means 'storm of fire' and sounds about right when it comes to Cyndaquil. Its French and German names of Héricendre and Feurigel, on the other hand, contain hérisson and Igel, respectively, which both mean 'hedgehog'. Finally, its closed eyes may be a reference to baby honey badgers, the creature its fully evolved form is based on. Can we just state that Cyndaquil is a shrew-hedgehog-mole-porcupine-echidna-badger? Naw? Let's just stick with its Pokédex classification as the 'Fire Mouse Pokémon' then, because I'm not even going to question that anymore.

This Cyndaquil plush is totally cute.

As if Cyndaquil's origin isn't already majorly confusing, Quilava's is kind of foggy, too. Whereas its appearance seems to be based on a stoat due to the lack of a tail and the fur on its upper body being significantly darker than that on its underbelly, its spotted fur and slender body might be references to the paca, a South American rodent. The porcupine and hedgehog are also still represented in its Japanese, French and German names, while its evolution Typhlosion is most probably based on weasels, wolverines and honey badgers. But Typhlosion is a whole other story, because its foreign names don't even contain the names of animals even more (except its Korean name, which contains beom, meaning 'tiger'; like, what?). Instead, the prefix ty- might stem from a plethora of things, the most obvious being 'typhoon'. Tephra is fragmental material produced by a volcanic eruption, and as Typhlosion is a volcanic Pokémon, it is not implausible that tephra might have been the inspiration for its name. It could also derive from Typhon, a giant from Greek mythology who fathered many other monsters with his wife Echidna. You see where I'm going with this? Additionally, it might come from the Greek word typhus or τύφος, meaning smoky or hazy, which refers to one of its characteristics that I will talk about later.

Hot damn. I know that many Pokémon are based on more than just one thing, but Cyndaquil and its evolutions really take the cake. This is ridiculous.

Pretty cool fan art of Quilava.

With all this bullshit about Cyndaquil, Quilava and Typhlosion's origin you'd almost think they don't have any distinguishable natures. Cyndaquil is a timid creature that curls up into a ball when it feels intimidated and the flames on its back burn more vigorously when it is startled, upset or angry. As you can see in the images above, Cyndaquil's eyes are never open, and no one knows whether they can be opened or not. Quilava's Pokédex entries aren't that impressive, however: the only characteristic worth mentioning is that it likes to show off how ferociously its fire blazes to its opponent before battle. Sometimes Game Freak really like to play Captain Obvious, in this case by stating Quilava can use its fire to launch a flame attack. Well, duh! Typhlosion, on the other hand, turns so incredibly hot when its anger peaks that anything that comes into touch with it will go up in flames. You know when it is ready to battle when its incredible body heat makes the air around it shimmer, which is also a defense mechanism in order to hide itself. In addition, Typhlosion can create huge explosions that burn everything to cinders by rubbing its fur together. That's when you know something is scorchingly hot!

Typhlosion.

Unfortunately, Typhlosion is heavily outclassed by other fire-type Pokémon in the RU (rarely used) tier that have much more utility to it, especially because they usually have a second typing. Also, Typhlosion doesn't have all that much diversity, so you're limited in your choices when it comes to offensive moves. What makes Typhlosion stand out, however, is Eruption. This move deals a massive 150 damage when Typhlosion is at full HP but loses its power when it is worn out. However, priority moves like Sucker Punch and Aqua Jet and entry hazards like Spikes and Stealth Rock make it very tricky to use, so you'll need to teach Typhlosion some moves that are more reliable, most notably Fire Blast and Focus Blast. The latter is an inaccurate fighting-type move that is often called 'Focus Miss', and for a good reason, but it provides for some decent coverage and it is all Typhlosion can get, unless you want to breed Extrasensory on Cyndaquil. Which, by the way, would not be such a terrible idea, as the Choice Specs Typhlosion will hold power up all of its special-based moves by 50%. And when used on a sun team, Solar Beam is an excellent option, because this grass-type move doesn't require a turn to charge when the sun is up. To top it off, you should give Typhlosion a Timid nature to take full advantage of its excellent speed, while its hidden ability Flash Fire increases its special attack by one stage and negates any damage when it is hit by a fire-type move. And if you want some extra power in a pinch, you might want to consider Blaze instead.

Typhlosion looks impressive, and because it is a hard- and fast-hitting Pokémon it's usually the best choice to start off with (as a Cyndaquil) when doing a regular playthrough. You'd be sure to OHKO a lot of Pokémon, but since HeartGold and SoulSilver it is even outclassed by Feraligatr, who really benefited from the physical/special split in Gen. IV. Ultimately, Tyhlosion is the Johto starter I like the least, although that does not mean that I don't like it overall.

Rating: 4/5

#146: Moltres

Moltres as it appears in Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Wii.

So, the third and last Kanto legendary bird is Moltres, and I have to say that its flavor is less interesting than Zapdos's and that it's generally a whole lot less impressive than Articuno. That's how I think about it nowadays, at least, because I actually disliked Zapdos as a kid, as I mentioned in the previous entry. And when I say that Moltres's flavor is not all that interesting, I mean that it's downright bland. Every flap of its wings causes a dazzling flash of flames (no shit, its wings and tail are made of fire), it can heal itself when it dives into an active volcano (not impressive either, Magmar can do that as well), and it can bring an early springtime to cold and wintry lands. Moltres is obviously based on the phoenix, a quite well-known mythical firebird creature that has little mystery to it anymore due to its appearance in several fantasy films and TV shows, most notably the Harry Potter series. It has to be said, though, that Moltres doesn't entirely go up in flames and rise from its own ashes when it dies (I don't even know if it dies at all), so it is most likely based on a combination of the phoenix and firebirds from other folklores. And there are quite a few of them, so let's get started.

I absolutely LOVE this piece of fan art of Articuno (left), Zapdos (right) and Moltres
(middle). SO AWESOME!!! 

It shares traits with the Egyptian Bennu, a deity linked with the sun, creation and rebirth that may have been the inspiration for the phoenix in Greek mythology; the Iranian legend of the Huma, a bird from Persian mytholoy that is said to live its entire life flying invisibly high above the Earth and is commonly depicted as phoenix-like; a firebird from Slavic folklore called the Zhar-ptitsa or Zhar-ptica - depending on what country in the Balkans you're visiting - that is described as a large bird with majestic plumage that glows brightly emitting red, orange and yellow light, one single feather being able to light up an entire room; and the Vermilion Bird, which is one of the Four Symbols of the Chinese constellations and is a bird from Eastern Asian mythology (it is known as Zhū Què in Chinese, Suzaku in Japanese, Jujak in Korean and Chu Tước in Vietnamese) that has a five-colored plumage perpetually covered in flames. If you google the last one in the images department, you're bound to think that was the main inspiration for Moltres, not in the least because Pokémon spawned from a Japanese game company. And Japanese folklore isn't seldom the inspiration for many Pokémon, so at least it's a very plausible theory.

Phew. And now I'm done describing each and every goddamn firebird. I don't have all fucking day, y'know.

This is so cute.
(At the request of the creator, Lyns, I'm including the link to her DeviantArt. Definitely
check it out, she's made some cute watercolor drawings, including Pokémon ones.)

As far as other fire/flying types go, Moltres is easily outclassed and outchosen by Charizard, Ho-Oh and Talonflame in competitive play; the first because it has two very useful Megas, the second because it is stronger and has a more diverse movepool (although it can only be used in the Uber tier), and the last because of its ability Gale Wings. Moltres has none of those things, so it'll have to fall back on its stats instead, which are pretty good. It has excellent base special attack of 125, very good base attack of 100 and decent HP, defenses and speed. It's too bad Moltres has such a good attack stat, because it's not gonna use it. Plus, its speed kinda needs a boost. You could surprise the opponent with the Power Herb/Sky Attack combo, but that's more hassle than it's worth, so you should focus on its excellent special attack instead. Actually, there is one way to use Moltres properly, and that is to run a Timid or Modest one with Fire Blast, Hurricane, Will-O-Wisp and Roost, holding a Life Orb or the Choice Specs. Flamethrower or Heat Wave could replace Fire Blast for some more accuracy (and therefore reliability), and Hurricane may be replaced by Air Slash for the exact same reason. Having Moltres hold the Choice Scarf is an option, but due to its very decent HP and defenses it's able to take a hit anyway, so the above set is the best option.

Moltres's official artwork.

While writing this article it dawned on me that I forgot to mention Articuno and Zapdos's abilities, but all legendary birds have Pressure as their main ability, which deducts one additional PP from a foe's move if Moltres is directly targeted by that move. In other words: it's nothing special. Unless you want their hidden abilities, but Zapdos and Moltres come equipped with Static and Flame Body, respectively, which have a chance to paralyze or burn the foe, respectively, which in turn can be more easily accomplished by just using Thunder Wave or Will-O-Wisp, respectively. The only interesting hidden ability may be Articuno's Snow Cloak, which raises its evasiveness when it's hailing on the battlefield, but you're generally better off with Pressure after all, as hail isn't such a popular weather condition to pull off.

Hmmm... Maybe I'll have to adjust my opinion about Moltres a little. There are a plethora of folklores and legends that have been the inspiration for its design, which I still like better than Zapdos's. But because it will never exceed Articuno as my favorite legendary Kantonian bird, I just can't give it a perfect rating. Consequently, Moltres will have to do with a 4.5-star rating, which is still nothing to sneeze at.

Rating: 4.5/5

#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5