#207, #472: Gligar & Gliscor

Ash is clearly doing something wrong if
his Pokémon is crying. Then again, if I was
a Pokémon, I wouldn't want Ash as my
Trainer, either.

Gligar seems to look like a combination of a bat, a scorpion and a gargoyle. The latter would be quite ironic, because gargoyles are building ornaments and usually tend to convey water from a roof and away from the side of a building, preventing rainwater from running down masonry walls and eroding the mortar between. And while they also have the function of frightening off evil spirits or demons and protecting the building it guards (most commonly a church), it is most often intended as a waterspout. Why it's ironic Gligar seems to be based on one, you ask? Well, Gligar is a ground-type Pokémon - with flying as its secondary type - and it's weak to water, so I wanna bet it can't convey it. The bat and scorpion elements are more eminent in its design, however, which is demonstrated by its Pokédex entries: it uses its membrane wings to glide from tree to tree or to fly directly to its prey, startling it then clamping onto its face with its clawed legs and pincers and finally injecting it with venom from its stinger. Gligar's typing has always been a little tricky, in my opinion, and I find it hard to see why it is a ground type. Because it's partly based on a scorpion, I think the bug type wouldn't look bad on it, but the type that would really fit it perfectly is the poison type. While it learns quite a few bug-type moves (U-Turn, Fury Cutter, X-Scissor, Struggle Bug and Bug Bite), it actually capable of learning a plethora of poison-type moves as well: Poison Sting naturally, a couple of TM moves like Sludge Bomb and Venoshock, and Cross Poison and Poison Tail through breeding. But ground? So, is the only distinction that it builds its nest on the edge of a cliff? Interesting, but it's hardly enough to define it as 'ground', so no, I can't say I see it.

Happy-go-lucky Gligar and Gliscor. I think that's just a façade and
that they're really ferocious motherfuckers. There, I said it. 

Of course, I mainly remember Gligar from the anime, in which Ash owned one that was quite a crybaby and was scared of heights and facing other Pokémon. It became somewhat clingy to Ash when it was gliding along with him and accidentally crashed into a boulder. Its fears disappeared when it had to evolve into a Gliscor in order to save Ash from a fall, but it was still the goofiest Gliscor I've ever seen, which I love. In reality, Gliscor isn't such a goofy Pokémon at all: it is a nocturnal Pokémon that emits a sort of sound wave in order to detect obstacles and fly around them - similar to echolocation - and it likes to sleep ot hunt for prey upside down; in short, it behaves very much like a bat. While it is capable of soundless flight, it uses winds and updrafts to glide from place to place, being able to circle the globe on just a single breeze. It even climbs to the top of tall trees to slide from tree to tree when there is no wind. Gliscor's legs don't seem to be suitable for walking, so on the ground it likes to... hop around? Goddammit, Game Freak, you don't make such a Pokémon do that. It's dumb. It's more evidence that Gligar and Gliscor shouldn't have been ground types in the first place, but at least ground/flying is a unique typing that only Landorus shares with them.

This is a very scary take on Gliscor. It doesn't
look quite like Game Freak intended it to, but
that's why some fan art is so awesome! 

While Landorus is a legendary Pokémon and is more of an offensive threat, Gliscor benefits from an excellent defense stat and respectable HP, which makes it a tanky Pokémon. Because it is already naturally physically bulky, you could go for a Careful nature to boost its moderate special defense instead of an Impish nature for its defense. However, the latter is a very viable option as well, and in the end it doesn't really matter which one you choose. What does matter, is its ability. Both Gligar and Gliscor have access to Hyper Cutter and Sand Veil; the former prevents their attack stat from being lowered, while the latter raises their evasion in a sandstorm, but neither are great. You want to have their hidden abilities: while Gligar has Immunity, which prevents it from being poisoned, Gliscor has an even better hidden ability in Poison Heal, which heals Gliscor a little every turn when it is poisoned. That's why competitive players often give it a Toxic Orb to poison Gliscor at the end of the first turn it's in play, and that prevents the opponent from inflicting another status condition on it, as Gliscor can't suffer from two status ailments at the same time. Basically, it's handier than the Leftovers. There are a couple of movesets you could run with Gliscor, but a support moveset is the more common one: Taunt is used to bait foes and lets them use only damaging moves, Toxic badly poisons an opposing Pokémon, Roost is handy to let Gliscor heal half of its HP, and Earthquake or Knock Off are viable options to inflict damage (the latter knocks off the opposing Pokémon's item, but Earthquake provides STAB). You could also go for a Swords Dance set and wreck house, especially when you use an Adamant or Jolly nature, or the Substitute/Protect combo. The Swords Dance set isn't quite as common, but Substitute/Protect has proved to be a very reliable combo for durability. It's your choice, I'm just mentioning all the options.

And just for the record, Gliscor learns a ton of attacking moves of many different types, so if you want to use it for in-game purposes, go ahead. It has the attack stat to hit relatively hard and the defensive stats to tank hits.

Another thing I love about Gliscor is that there is plenty of astonishing fan art like
this to be found on the Internet. It sure looks merciless...

I love this thing so much. From its stunning design, callous stance and vampiric looks to Ash's goofy Gliscor, all the breathtaking fan art from fans and its competitive utility, Game Freak have done a remarkable job creating Gliscor. Gligar needed an evolution and Gliscor is absolutely perfect. Even the evolution method isn't too hard to implement: just let Gligar hold a Razor Fang and level it up at night, and you'll have yourself a badass Gliscor. I haven't always loved it so much, but I'm glad to announce that I'm giving it a perfect rating now!

Rating: 5/5

#194 - #195: Wooper & Quagsire

You know, I've never been quite sure what these Pokémon are supposed to represent, so this is an excellent moment to do some research on that.

Wooper trying to cool Magby down with a Water Gun after a
heated argument with two squabbling Pichu. This scene is from
a Pokémon side-story special. 

Okay, so Wooper seems to be based on the larval stage of an axolotl, especially considering the flat tail and the feathery external gills. I don't consider myself dumb, but I thought larvae were a bug thing and I hate it that I didn't know the primary stages of certain amphibians are called the same. I'm just sayin'. Anyway, axolotls are often called 'Mexican walking fish', but they're in fact salamanders and are thus amphibians. Wooper and Upah (ウパー) are derived from the Japanese marketing term wooper looper, which started a true fad involving raising pet salamanders. I can think of something much more fun, like collecting Pokémon cards or listening to music, but whatever floats your boat, I guess... Wooper looper is also the Japanese term used to refer to an axolotl, so go figure. Axolotls don't develop lungs and take to land, by the way; fully grown specimens remain aquatic and gilled instead. Wooper, however, is part ground type and is capable of going on land, but when it does so it creates a poisonous layer of goo to protect its body and keep it from dehydrating. It's better not to touch the film of slime, because doing so causes a shooting pain.

Quagsire. Heh. Quagsire looks very clever
here, but it's actually 'quite' unintelligent, as it
keeps colliding with things while swimming.

Quagsire is more of a giant salamander, and not even an axolotl at that. Quagsire is from 'quagmire' and 'sire', the latter being a honorific form of adress for someone of high social status, especially a king. This makes sense, as Quagsire's Japanese name Nuoh (ヌオー) contains numa, meaning swamp or marsh, and ō, meaning king. So basically, Quagsire is the King of the Swamp. I can name numerous better things to be king of, but at least it's something, right? Well, at 4'07" and 165.3 pounds, Quagsire is a huge-ass salamander thing, so it's probably also based on the Japanese giant salamander (ōsanshōuo) or just giant salamanders in general. These colossi can reach lenghts up to 5 feet and can weigh as much as 55 pounds, which is by far not as much as Quagsire's weight, but I wouldn't want to hold one of those creepy things in my arms, that's for sure. Not that that would be possible, as Quagsire has a slippery layer of skin that makes it very difficult to handle. It's also a very dim-witted and carefree Pokémon that keeps bumping things while swimming, like boulders and boat hulls, and doesn't even get very hungry because it doesn't move very often. While Ash's Pokédex claims Quagsire likes to make its nest in freshwater lakes, it can be found in the Great Marsh and Route 212 in Sinnoh (Diamond, Pearl and Platinum) and the marshland and wetland areas of the Safari Zone in Johto (HeartGold and SoulSilver), which are swampy areas. Kinda contradictory, but whatever. Wooper and Quagsire's classification as the 'Water Fish Pokémon' is also kinda erroneous, as axolotls and other salamanders are amphibians and not fish. Oh, well.

Old-ass official art of Quagsire, as always drawn by Ken
Sugimori. 

What Quagsire really excels in, though, is being bad. Not in the sense that it's terrible, but I can name several other Pokémon that could serve as a physical tank much better than Quagsire can. Gastrodon, for example, who has the same typing as Quagsire (water/ground) but has a better HP stat and a good special attack stat and is therefore more capable of serving as a tank on both sides of the spectrum while still doing some considerable damage. But let's assume you love Quagsire and you want to use it: I recommend slapping a Relaxed nature and its hidden ability Unaware on it.

Relaxed and Unaware; both fit Quagsire's personality perfectly, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

Invest in HP and defense, give it the Leftovers to hold for a little bit of recovery after every turn, and copose a moveset consisting of Scald, Toxic, Recover and Earthquake. Quagsire's special attack is actually really mediocre, but Scald has a chance to burn the foe and that enhances Quagsire's moderate physical bulk even more. Toxic is to inflict poison if burning the target isn't desirable, while Recover lets Quagsire heal half its HP and Earthquake is just a good move to deal damage with.

And that's it. I really don't know how else to use this thing. Like, an Adamant Choice Banded Quagsire? Heh, don't make me laugh. If you don't invest in HP and at least one defense stat, it'll be too frail to take a hit. And its design is kinda LOL, to be honest. It's just silly, although I have to say that both Wooper and Quagsire radiate a certain cuteness, so I guess I'll let them off with a 3-star rating. That should do it, right?

Rating: 3/5

#111 - #112, #464: Rhyhorn, Rhydon & Rhyperior

Early concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. Depicted are Rhydon
and its Trainer. 

I don't care about Rhyhorn. I really don't. I mean, I don't think it's a bad Pokémon by any means and I definitely don't hate it, but I just consider it pre-evolution number something. Add to that its uninteresting flavor (it's stupid, starts running in one direction due to its short legs, forgets why and keeps running like a headless chicken until it falls asleep or crashes into something and remembers why it had started dashing off in the first place) and you make me want to start talking about its evolution Rhydon. Why? Well, you'd expect the first Pokémon to have ever been created to be Bulbasaur or Pikachu, right? Well, no. Bulbasaur might be number one in the Kanto and National Pokédexes, but it is not the first Pokémon that Satoshi Tajiri has come up with. Neither was Pikachu, as the notorious yellow mouse wasn't even meant to be Ash's sidekick in the first place (Clefairy was), let alone the mascot of the entire damn franchise. No, according to interviews with Ken Sugimori - who creates the official Pokémon artworks - and early drafts of Capsule Monsters, as Pokémon was initially called when Satoshi Tajiri proposed its design concept to Nintendo, Rhydon was the first Pokémon to have ever been created.

Another concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. At the bottom left corner, you can
see a Rhydon standing or sitting at a fountain, together with its Trainer.

Yup, the whole hype started with Rhydon, a rhinoceros Pokémon that doesn't have any special role in the games, anime or manga whatsoever. This theory is further supported as Rhydon was the first Pokémon coded into Red and Blue, and as a result its index number in Gen. I is 001. It's actually too bad that its characteristics are a little bland and just don't meet up to the excitement of Rhydon being the first ever Pokémon to have been created. It is physically strong and has an armor-like hide that can withstand heat and physical blows, according to the Pokédex. Well yeah, that's quite apparent when you take a look at it. It has also been seen toppling over buildings with a sweep from its tail, which strongly reminds me of a certain trait of Nidoking's. Okay, Rhydon was probably the first one to have received that trait from Game Freak, but still... And mentioning that standing on its hind legs made it smarter only to say that it is still very forgetful in the very same Pokédex entry is a little bit contradictory, isn't it? RIGHT, Game Freak? The only interesting thing is that the horn Rhydon uses as a drill can crush uncut diamonds. Seriously, it takes some power to crush a diamond.

Little figurines of Rhyhorn (front) and Rhydon (back).

But then along came Rhyperior. Introduced in Gen. IV, along with some other - often horrendous - evolutions of Pokémon that already existed before that, Rhyperior is indeed superior. Having Rhydon a Protector to hold then trading it off is the method to evolve it; this method is a little tedious, but it pays off, because Rhyperior is an awesome-looking powerhouse! It even has cannon things as arms, which it uses to launch Geodude with. Like, what? Well, it actually fires ordinary rocks from its arms by tightening then expanding its muscles instantly, hence it is able to learn Rock Wrecker, a rock-type Hyper Beam. Remember Geodude, Graveler and Golem's entry, when I said that Geodude are often mistaken for ordinary rocks? Well, I guess Rhyperior is facing the same problem when it's looking for rocks it can shoot from its missile launchers to its heart's content. Also, its carapace can withstand any actual volcanic eruption, which is even more impressive than Rhydon being able to live in molten lava of 3,600°F.

Now, can you SEE how awesome Rhyperior is?

In the competitive scene, though, Rhyperior can't withstand many special hits, as its special defense is close to terrible and most fire-type moves are special-based. However, there are several ways to make use of Rhyperior. With its excellent HP, attack and defense, being 115, 140 and 130 respectively, it is already a physical tank and powerhouse, which allows you to invest in its HP and subpar special defense to create an all-out defensive tank with quite some offensive power left, too. Leftovers for a little recovery every turn completes the set. Another way: the move Rock Polish raises Rhyperior's speed stat by two stages and is great in conjunction with a Jolly nature and speed investment, which allows Rhyperior to take an attempt at sweeping, especially when it manages to get a Swords Dance off as well. This is completely optional, although you should give it a Life Orb for some extra power. Of course, the best way to make use of Rhyperior is to max out its monstrous attack stat by rocking (pun intended) a Choice Band Rhyperior with an Adamant nature. Murder guaranteed. Just make sure you're always using one with Solid Rock as its ability, as this reduces super-effective damage by ¼. That might come in handy when it gets hit by a water- or grass-type move, to which it normally has quadruple weaknesses. Lightning Rod is absolutely garbage, because it draws in electric-type attacks to which Rhyperior is immune to due to its primary ground typing, anyway. Its immunity takes precedence over its ability anyway, so the special attack boost from Lightning Rod won't even occur, unless it is holding a Ring Target. You don't want a special attack boost anyway, because its special attack is abysmal. Lastly, the ability Reckless powers up moves from which Rhyperior takes recoil damage. It seems nice at first glance, but you're not going to use Take Down by any means, so leave that ability be.

AAAAAAAHHH, LOOK AT HIM GOOOOO!!! :D

Naturally, almost every set should contain the moves Stone Edge and Earthquake, a combination that is often infamously referred to as EdgeQuake, but Rock Blast can be considered to break through substitutes and punish Focus Sash users. Fortunately, Rhyperior is blessed with a crazy diverse movepool to fill in some loose spots. Megahorn is commonly used in competitive play, as are Ice Punch and Aqua Tail. Hammer Arm, Poison Jab, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Crunch, Dragon Rush, Outrage, Iron Tail, Iron Head, the elemental fangs and Superpower are viable options for type coverage, while Dragon Tail is a somewhat weak move that makes Rhyperior go last but forces the opponent to switch out. You can even give Stealth Rock to it if you take the defensive approach. However, which combination of moves and item you use depends heavily on which tier you're fighting in and which Pokémon you're facing. And if Rhyperior falls short for you, you can just use a Rhydon with an Eviolite attached to it, so it is guaranteed to tank hits.

On my previous blog, I placed Rhydon at number 48 on my list of favorite Pokémon, just because it is the first drafted Pokémon. Yeah, I might have exaggerated a little bit with that. Since then, its evolution Rhyperior has grown a lot on me and I have come to absolutely adore this Pokémon. Of all the Gen. IV evolutions of already existing Pokémon, Rhyperior is BY FAR THE BEST. It probably won't surprise you I'm giving it a perfect rating!

Rating: 5/5

#104 - #105: Cubone & Marowak

Cubone being sad about its mother's death.

If I have learned anything at all from the Pokémon franchise, it's that Marowak are terrible parents. Apparently, Marowak have the tendency to die often (well, once per Marowak, but you get my point), leaving their newborn children traumatized and letting them fend for themselves for the rest of their lives.

And in the process, Cubone has developed some serious Mommy issues.

You see, Cubone always wears the skull of its dead mother, and that's why no one has ever seen what Cubone's face looks like. When it cries at night in mourning of its mother, the skull that it wears vibrates and emits a plaintive and mournful melody, which only intensifies during the night of a full moon. It so happens that Cubone seems to recognize its dead mother in the moon, and so it howls with a particular sadness, making its cries especially terrible. Obviously, all Cubone are way too traumatized by the death of their mothers, causing them to develop anti-social behavior in the sense that they tend to keep to themselves and avoid social situations (hence Cubone's Pokédex classification as the 'Lonely Pokémon').

Still from the Pokémon Origins series, episode 2. This special
anime series largely follows the storyline of the player character
in Red, Blue and Yellow. In "File 2: Cubone", Red arrives in
Lavender Town and finds out that a Team Rocket grunt killed
the mother Marowak of a now orphaned Cubone with a stun baton
and kidnapped Mr. Fuji. Red hurries to rescue him, stealing the
Silph Scope in the process, with which he is able to identify the
ghost of Marowak, who is ultimately calmed by the knowledge
that her child is okay.

The creepy thing about all of this is that Game Freak dedicated a significant part of Team Rocket's storyline to a story similar to Cubone and Marowak's in the Red, Blue and Yellow versions of the games. When the character arrives in Lavender Town, he is supposed to enter Pokémon Tower, which is a seven-floor graveyard that is home to Channelers (a kind of Trainer allegedly possessed by the ghost-type Pokémon they use), the graves of dead Pokémon, Team Rocket and their mischievous plans, and wild Pokémon. Aside from Gastly and Haunter, the player also has a slight chance to encounter wild Cubone, whom Team Rocket wanted to steal in order to sell their valuable skulls. A mother Marowak that was protecting her children was killed in the process, after which she haunts the tower until the player is able to identify and defeat her on the seventh floor (she cannot be caught; letting you capture her would have been savage, yo) by use of a Silph Scope, then set her spirit free. These shenanigans don't exactly correspond with Cubone and Marowak's Pokédex entries in the games, but you can't deny it fits their flavor perfectly.

Marowak.

But Marowak, whose head has fused with the skull it once wore as a mask, has overcome the grief of its mother's passing. It is rumored that there is a Marowak graveyard somewhere in the world where Marowak gets its bones from. Other than Cubone, it has a very ferocious and violent nature and is an adept combatant, using the bone it carries as a weapon and boomerang. Cubone and Marowak even have two signature moves that makes it very clear their bones are weapons: Bone Club and Bonemerang. Prior to Gen. IV, they even had a third signature move (Bone Rush), until Lucario and Mandibuzz ran off with this move as well. I still don't understand why these bone moves are ground-type moves, but I'm going to assume this is so that Cubone and Marowak have some powerful STAB moves early on. While they're very useful in-game, most of them are quite redundant in competitive play, mainly because Marowak is able to learn Earthquake through TM26, just like almost all ground-type Pokémon. Bonemerang has the same base power as Earthquake, can break through substitutes and possibly OHKOs Pokémon with the ability Sturdy because of its multiple-hit effect, so that might come in handy if you are planning to go that way; otherwise, Earthquake is as good an option as Bonemerang. Marowak learns a ton of useful moves, such as Iron Head, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Brick Break, Focus Punch and even Outrage, but none of these are actually used very often in competitive play.

Yes, this ghost is actually Marowak, and the player character encounters it on the
seventh floor of Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town. It can only be identified by the
Silph Scope, which is obtainable in the Team Rocket hideout under the Celadon
City Game Corner. Once you battle it, there is no capturing it, just defeating it.

Knock Off, however, is an absolute must-have, just like one of two possible move/ability combos: Double-Edge works great in conjunction with either Swords Dance or Substitute and the ability Rock Head (which prevents the recoil damage from Double-Edge), while Stealth Rock and Stone Edge is an equally workable combo, especially since Stone Edge punishes most Defog users - that move removes entry hazards - as it's mostly flying types who use it. In the latter case, the Battle Armor ability (which prevents critical hits) is highly recommended, as Rock Head becomes redundant. Lightning Rod is a ridiculous ability for Marowak to have, because it draws in all electric-type moves, to which Marowak is immune in the first place. Its immunity prevails over its ability anyway, so the special attack boost from Lightning Rod won't even occur, unless Marowak is holding a Ring Target. And that is exactly what you don't want, because Marowak's special attack is booty to begin with, and you definitely want it to hold another item: the Thick Club. Just make sure that your Marowak is holding one at all costs, because this item effectively doubles its attack stat, making it a whopping 290 at level 50 when using a Marowak with an attack-beneficial nature, preferably Adamant.

To make a long story short: Cubone and Marowak are creepy and pitiful Pokémon. They're creepy for wearing their mother's skull, and they're pitiful because Cubone is traumatized by and constantly mourns its mother's death, while Marowak has obviously become completely desensitized upon evolution. It's just a fascinating take on a human emotion: grief. In my opinion, that's what makes Cubone and Marowak such interesting Pokémon, and I'm glad the games and the special anime series actually address this, because it makes for great storytelling.

Rating: 4/5

#95, #208: Onix & Steelix

The Crystal Onix from "The Crystal Onix", the 87th
episode of the Pokémon anime. 

No, I am NOT going to talk about Onix. I refuse.

Shit, I said I'd talk about all Pokémon, didn't I?

Well, to start with, Onix's stats are pretty terrible: except for its defense stat, its stats are all booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. And although you can't say I hate or despise it, it is such an uninteresting Pokémon with an even more uninteresting flavor to it. A giant ground snake that digs tunnels? Yeah, I'm not impressed. Okay, it has a magnet in its brain that prevents it from losing its sense of direction while tunneling, but that is pretty much it. The only thing about Onix that might be interesting enough is the Crystal Onix episode from the Orange Archipelago era. In this episode, Ash, Misty and Tracey end up on Sunburst Island, which is famous for its artists and glassblowers. They meet Mateo, a shopkeeper whose products are of lower quality than the sculptures of other glass makers on the island. In order to find inspiration, Mateo seeks to capture the legendary Crystal Onix, but after they find it and battle it, he realizes that just seeing the special Onix has inspired him. The most curious thing is - despite the fact that Onix are rock/ground-type Pokémon and are thus four times weak to water - that the Crystal Onix can withstand water because of its glass skin. It is weak to fire instead, which regular Onix resist.

Some pretty good papercraft of Steelix.

But that is just one anime episode and doesn't prevent Onix from still being an awful Pokémon stat-wise. However, when you give Onix a Metal Coat to hold and trade it to another game, it evolves into a much better and more fascinating Pokémon: Steelix! Steelix's diamond-hard and magnetic steel body can resist heat (despite it still being weak to fire in the video games) and makes it able to dig towards the Earth's core. The most interesting thing is the change in its primary typing: all of the iron in the soil and rocks Steelix has swallowed as an Onix have accumulated and have caused its body to compress underground, which is why its body is harder than diamond or any other metal. Steelix is, as its name suggests, a primary steel type, as opposed to Onix being a primary rock type. This comes with a more-than-excellent defense stat, a large set of resistances (eight, to be exact) and two immunities (Steelix is still part ground, which makes it immune to electric-type moves). Game Freak even blessed Steelix with the most awesome Mega evolution I have seen thus far.

Mega Steelix's official art.

And that undoubtedly makes Steelix the best powerhouse and defensive wall in the RU tier, and maybe the best overall, barring any legendary Pokémon. Upon Mega-evolving, its already outstanding defense stat becomes even more outstanding, and it even gets a little special bulk behind it. Its very decent base 95 special defense stat gives you the option to run a Steelix with a Careful nature or invest in special defense EVs (or both), as Mega Steelix's physical defense is high enough as is. Being perfectly able to take a hit, Mega Steelix is arguably the best Stealth Rock user, and being the fifth heaviest Pokémon in the game, Heavy Slam - one of its staple moves - does massive damage to most Pokémon. Its other staple move is its STAB Earthquake, which hits Pokémon that are resistant to steel for neutral damage (water) or super-effective damage (fire, electric, steel). This is where you choose to have Toxic to whittle down physically bulkier foes, Roar to force opponents to switch so that they can't set up with stat-increasing moves, or Stone Edge, Crunch, Aqua Tail or even Iron Head/Iron Tail for coverage or more reliable damage. You can even go for Sandstorm, because steel-, ground- and rock-type moves get a 30% boost from Mega Steelix's ability Sand Force when a sandstorm is raging on the battlefield.

And while we're at it, a regular Steelix (before you Mega-evolve it) should have Sturdy, which prevents it from getting OHKO'd while at full health. Rock Head prevents recoil damage, but the only move Steelix gets that benefits from that is Double-Edge. Lastly, its hidden ability Sheer Force ignores additional effects of move (like flinching or stat reduction) of moves for a little extra power, but you want Steelix to Mega-evolve as soon as possible anyway, so you'll barely have the chance to make use of it.

Wow, this piece of fan art of Jasmine and her Mega Steelix is GORGEOUS!

I absolutely love, love, LOVE Mega Steelix and it is by far my favorite Mega evolution. It always looked like some kind of mineral-like spikes were about to protrude from Steelix's body, which they technically already did, but finally Mega-evolving has caused its cells to crystallize and made the prism-like crystalline spikes to burst from it. What's more, Mega Steelix now has its own gravitational orbit, causing metallic-looking scraps to constantly rotate around its neck. These scraps act to its movements and change position when it attacks. I mean, how cool is that? To top all that, Steelix's polished steel body makes its shiny form look more like actual gold, which makes it one of the most effective shinies to date. After all this praise, it probably comes at no surprise that I will give Steelix a perfect rating, just for being a perfect Pokémon.

Rating: 5/5

#74 - #76: Geodude, Graveler & Golem

Fan art of the Geodude line: Geodude (top left), Graveler (bottom
left) and Golem (right)

There is nothing more tedious than a Pokémon that explodes in your face when you're trying to catch it.

Yes, I am looking at you, Graveler.

Geodude and its evolutionary line are yet another species Pokémon that never failed to be in any regional Pokédex up until Gen. IV. Therefore, Geodude is a common Pokémon that is often found in caves and on mountains, which is its ideal habitat because it is literally a rock. With arms and hands, that is, but its looks provide it perfect camouflage. No wonder people and other Pokémon step or trip on you, Geodude. There's no need to be so pissed about that. Anyway, when it wakes up in the morning, it rolls downhill to look for food. Also preferring rolling over walking is Graveler, who literally eats rocks (preferably those that are covered in moss) all the time on its way to the peak of a mountain and rolls down when it is done being weird. It evolves into Golem by trading, so you won't find Golem in the wild. That is something to be happy about, because if that thing blows up in your Pokémon's face with its 120 base attack, your Pokémon is dead. And guess what? Golem likes to withdraw its head, arms and legs into its rock-hard shell (which may be based on the tectonic plates of the Earth, as Hindu, Chinese and Native American mythology state that turtles are believed to carry the world on their backs) and dangerously roll at high speeds, crashing into and running over anything in its path. Well, rolling over anything in its path, rather.

'Cause that's how they roll.

TCG art of Golem.

But the question is, 'How does it roll in the video games?' Well, an in-game Golem only needs Earthquake, either Rock Slide or Stone Edge, Heavy Slam, and Double-Edge (when its ability is Rock Head, which means Golem won't get recoil damage from this move) to wreck anything that comes its way. Just be cautious of grass- and water-type moves, as Golem has a quadruple weakness to both of them due to its rock/ground typing and its very mediocre special defense stat; most moves of these types tend to be special. If you're really scared of Golem getting destroyed by Surf or Giga Drain, it would be wise to go for one with the ability Sturdy, which prevents it from getting knocked out in one hit when its HP is full. Competitively, Golem is often used as a Stealth Rock setter, which does damage to any of the opponent's incoming Pokémon accordingly to their weaknesses and resistances. Explosion is actually a must-have last-resort move for Golem, as it does MASSIVE damage to anything that is somewhat frail, especially if Golem is holding a Choice Band. If you get the chance, you might even slap Rock Polish on it, which practically doubles its speed and makes it a decent late-game sweeper. That could work out very well if you invest some EVs in its speed stat as well, especially combined with a beneficial nature.

Golem's flavor may not look like much, as its design makes it already quite obvious that Golem likes to roll, but don't let that fool you: it is actually a powerful Pokémon, especially considering the fact that Golem got an attack boost in X and Y. Besides, its design is not that bad. It's just a shame Golem's name is so unimaginative; it is derived from the mythical creatures called golems. Exactly.

They see 'em rollin', they hatin'.

Rating: 4/5

#50 - #51: Diglett & Dugtrio

"Diglett-dig, Diglett-dig!"

"Trio! Trio! Trio!"

Fan art of Diglett, in which the thing actually looks like a mole.

Yeah, that's right. You just read that in Diglett and Dugtrio's voices. Just admit it already.

Sorry, I just had to do that, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

If I had to mention the most unimaginative Pokémon to date, I would say that'd be Diglett and Dugtrio. I absolutely don't like these Pokémon. I've never liked them, in fact, and there is probably nothing that can change that, except for maybe a Mega evolution. And even then I doubt I'll like Dugtrio all that much. Yes, I know that there are other Pokémon out there that are composed of three or more specimens of their pre-evolutions, but I dare say that Dugtrio is by far the most unimaginative. It looks like three Diglett that have gathered together rather than an actual evolution. Meh. Well, it is actually a Diglett triplet that emerged from one body, so... no, still meh. Even their Pokédex entries aren't interesting. Add the fact that both Pokémon get Arena Trap, an ability that makes your Pokémon unable to run away from it or switch out, and you get an irritating Pokémon.

This is a plausible theory of how Diglett and Dugtrio's lower bodies,
which they hide underground, might look like.

However, there is one particular thing that really bothers me about Diglett and Dugtrio. You see, the Pokédex classifies them as 'Mole Pokémon', and I won't even contradict them in that, because everything points towards that direction: they're ground types, their heads are sticking out of the ground, and they learn moves that show that they clearly have claws, such as Scratch, Slash, Night Slash, Hone Claws, Shadow Claw, and even Sucker Punch. This is what bothers me: their claws and feet are never shown! In one of the Mystery Dungeon games (a side-series game), a Diglett mentions that it has feet, but the fact that there is nothing to see of them bothers me so fucking much! I know it's all part of how Game Freak want to characterize these Pokémon, and I also know they might be based on the moles used in those dumb Whac-A-Mole arcade games, but it's just stupid. I'm not against a little mystery, but of all Pokémon to add some mystery to, Diglett and Dugtrio are most probably the most insignificant. Also, the Internet has been bombarded with the dumbest theories as well: Diglett might be just a tiny part of an enormous nightmare monster, Diglett might be a person whose head is sticking out of the ground, or (and this one is the absolute best!) Diglett might actually even be the penis of some bigger creature hiding undergound. I can't even...

TCG art of Dugtrio.

Even worse: Dugtrio is not a good Pokémon at all. Its speed stat is great and its attack stat is decent, but its defenses are mediocre. It's not that its defenses save the day, though, because these are even made worse by its HP stat, which is absolutely GARBAGE. I guess Dugtrio wouldn't even be such a great Pokémon to use in-game, but there are always people who would like to make use of it, so let's see what this thing can actually do. It learns Earthquake, for starters, but that is a move that almost every ground-type Pokémon can learn, and even a lot of non-ground types for that matter. Rock Slide and either Shadow Claw (a ghost-type move) or Night Slash (a dark-type move), which both have the same type coverage, the same power and the chance to crit, are viable options, as well as Hone Claws. That move should definitely be in its moveset, because it raises Dugtrio's attack stat and accuracy (handy for Rock Slide) and because Aerial Ace is just too mediocre for it to use. Competitively, it is no good either, but an all-out offensive Dugtrio with the ability Arena Trap (which does exactly what the name suggests: it prevents the opponent from switching out), holding a Choice Band or Life Orb, will have to do, whereas a Focus Sash/Reversal combo might do the trick as well.

Dugtrio isn't one of my absolute least favorite Pokémon, but this thing comes damn near close. Luckily for Dugtrio, I don't obsessively hate it like a certain Gen. IV Pokémon (let's say I strongly dislike it), which saves it from getting the lowest rating possible.

Rating: 1.5/5

#29 - #34: Nidoran♀, Nidorina, Nidoqueen, Nidoran♂, Nidorino & Nidoking

Love at first sight. In the games they aren't able to breed with
each other, though.

Poor little Nidoran♀...

It shouldn't come as a surprise that the female Nidoran has been the least favorite Nido since the beginning, especially considering the fact that Pokémon was initially a boys' thing (although it wasn't necessarily aimed at just boys) and Nidoking was obviously more savage-looking to them than Nidoqueen. However, it goes without saying that the entire Nido family have always been an interesting bunch. Up to now, these Pokémon have been the only species of which the different genders occupy different places in the Pokédex. Without a doubt, the female Nidoran is related to the male Nidoran, but have them be the exact same species and number rather than place them in different spots in the Pokédex (although both evolution lines appear next to each other) was difficult, if not impossible, for Game Freak and Nintendo to encode into the games at the time. I guess. I don't even know exactly, maybe that wasn't even their intention at all, as both Nidoran's evolutions have different names: Nidoran♀ evolves into Nidorina and eventually Nidoqueen, while Nidoran♂ evolves into Nidorino, who ultimately evolves into Nidoking. The same cannot be said about the likes of Unfezant, Meowstic and Pyroar, for example. Their appearances differ drastically based on their gender, but both males and females have the same name.

Official Ken Sugimori art of Nidorina (left) and Nidorino (right). Nidorina are shown
to deeply care for their young, while Nidorino are often violent and easily angered.

One peculiar thing about both Nidoran is that they cannot breed. At least not with each other. They both belong to the 'Monster' and 'Field' egg groups, which are both egg groups with Pokémon that are perfectly able to breed with each other, but both Nidoran are only able to breed with Ditto. It gets even odder, as both Nidoran can produce both Nidoran. Let me explain: if a female Nidoran breeds with Ditto, it is able to produce an egg with either a female or a male Nidoran. The same goes into effect when a male Nidoran breeds with Ditto. Nidorina, Nidorino, Nidoqueen and Nidoking are part of the 'Undiscovered' egg group and cannot even breed themselves. I can imagine the frustration if you're breeding with the goal of getting five or six perfect IVs on your male Nidoran and you're getting a female one... Well, the chance is 50/50 anyway, so I guess it wouldn't be that hard; breeding perfect IVs onto your Pokémon is a torture in the first place.

The Nido family: Nidoking and Nidoqueen (back), Nidorina and
Nidorino (bottom left), and both Nidoran (bottom right).

But eventually it'll be worth your while. Just use a Moon Stone on Nidorina or Nidorino if you want Nidoqueen or Nidoking, respectively, because they do not evolve by leveling them up. Both final evolutions are quite capable in battles, though, and Nidoking is even often used in the competitive scene. That is not without a reason, because it is a little bit stronger than Nidoqueen. Whereas Nidoking is slightly faster and more offensive than it is defensive, Nidoqueen is more of a bulky Pokémon rather than an overly strong one, even though its attack stat is more than decent. It doesn't help Nidoqueen's cause that it is hardly able to effectively use its special attack stat, as it is just mediocre (just like its speed stat, so a choice item Nidoqueen is a lot less effective than a choice item Nidoking, with the exception of maybe the Choice Band). Both Nidos have some interesting physical-based level-up moves and can be taught the very same TM and HM moves, except Aerial Ace (which, for some strange reason, only Nidoqueen can learn), so both can learn some great physical moves, even through breeding.

Awesome 'realistic' interpretation of Nidoking.

As Nidoking has very respectable special attack and speed stat, however, it is often used as a special attacker, not seldom in combination with a choice item such as a Choice Scarf and its hidden ability Sheer Force, which takes away added effects of moves (reducing the target's stats, boosting the user's stats or causing a status effect to the target, but not a higher chance of a critical hit) and adds some extra power. Let's take a look at the special-based moves it can take advantage of due to its ability, shall we? Ice Beam, Thunderbolt and Flamethrower, as well as their stronger counterparts Blizzard, Thunder and Fire Blast, are viable options. Earth Power and Sludge Wave (which is stronger in one-on-one battles, but hits multiple Pokémon in double and multi battles) are must-haves for Nidoking, as they're STAB moves and receive an added bonus due to Sheer Force. It also learns Shadow Ball, Focus Blast and Surf, just for good measure. Nidoking's physical attack is even higher, but its hidden ability doesn't allow many physical-based moves to gain a boost from it. The best are probably Poison Jab, Rock Slide and the elemental punches, although Nidoking's attack stat is already so high that it can safely use moves with no added effects such as Megahorn and Earthquake (especially since it's STAB due to Nidoking's secondary ground typing). Thrash is an option, but doesn't counter any other types, and Brick Break and Shadow Claw are a little too weak for Nidoking to make good use of them. Finally we have Head Smash as an egg move, but this isn't STAB, doesn't get the power bonus from Sheer Force and does half the damage Nidoking dealt to its opponent to itself.

Old-ass official art of Nidoran♀ (left) and Nidoran♂ (right). Nidoran♀'s poison is
so venomous that only a scratch from its horn or a drop of poison is deadly.
Nidoran♂ has the ability to detect sounds with ears that contain unique muscles
that allow it to be moved in any direction, flapping them when it hears enemies
approaching.

By the way, do you want more proof of Nidoking's superiority? Its tail causes metal towers to fall over and Nidoking uses it to smash, constrict or break a prey's bones or to create distance between it and its foes in battles before it charges, while its horn is so hard that it can pierce a diamond. Also, IT IS PURPLE!!! Just like Baragon, by the way, which is a purple dinosaur-like creature from old Japanese kaijū movies - a film genre that is all about monsters and strange beasts that fight each other or attack big cities; Godzilla, for example - with bunny-like ears and a big horn on its head and the ability to burrow through earth.

All in all, the entire Nido family are great additions to the Pokémon world, especially since they're the first Pokémon that show gender differences. In fact, they were basically the only ones that were assigned a gender in Red, Blue and Yellow, because the rest of the Pokémon didn't get a gender until the second generation, when the concept of breeding was introduced. As Nidoqueen and Nidoking are two entirely seperate Pokémon in both appearance and flavor, and considering the fact that these two Nidos aren't quite equally as interesting to me, I am going to rate them separately.

Rating Nidoqueen: 4/5

Rating Nidoking: 5/5

#27 - #28: Sandshrew & Sandslash

I had this exact same Sandshrew plushie.

Jeez... Writing the previous entry about the Pokémon franchise mascot felt like writing a 1,000-page novel.

Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen right now though, because Sandshrew and Sandslash cannot compete with Pikachu's popularity. I'm not saying that they're not likeable or even capable Pokémon, so let's see what they have in store for us. Well, Sandshrew is actually just there for being adorable, and that manifests itself in those fluffy plushies of Sandshrew that I had one of as well. And even though I don't have it anymore, it was definitely my favorite and most huggable Pokémon plushie, aside from maybe Togepi. (Perhaps I should mention that I didn't have all that many plushies to begin with, so that is probably the reason why it was my favorite.) Game Freak can even make a pangolin/armadillo Pokémon look cute if they want to, even though it should be noted that all real-life animals can be cute if drawn correctly. However, it seems that Game Freak have had a broad view of what exactly a mouse is: as is the case with Rattata and Raticate, both Sandshrew and Sandslash have been erroneously classified as 'Mouse Pokémon'. I'll grant them, Sandshrew has some traits of mice, but Sandslash... Goddammit, I shouldn't worry about this whole thing over and over again. I wanted to say that Sandshrew mainly serves as the pre-evolution of the ground-type hedgehog/porcupine thing that is Sandslash, so how does Sandslash fare in battles?

Nice fan art of Sandslash

Well, Sandslash isn't used all that much in the competitive scene, but that doesn't mean it's not capable. In fact, with its high attack and defense stats it can actually put in some good work. Its special attack is absolutely booty, but it doesn't need it, while it could use some more special defense and speed. However, spend some time EV-training Sandslash with either an attack- or defense-bossting nature in its attack and defense stats (as well as some of its HP) and you have a hard-hitting physical tank. The moves it learns are some really basic TM moves though, but Earthquake is going to be its main move anyway, combined with Swords Dance. The other two slots in its moveset should be filled in by Rock Slide and Poison Jab (to counter ice and grass types, to which Sandslash is weak), while X-Scissor is also an option. You can even go with a speed-reducing nature and teach it Gyro Ball (a move that does more damage the slower the user is compared to the target), but if you insist on teaching Sandlsash a steel-type move, you'll be better off with the Move Tutor move Iron Tail instead, because most ice types aren't very fast to begin with. Not to mention it would be completely bodied by fairy types due to its lackluster special defense.

Sandslash wallpaper.

One last feature I think is really nice, is that Sandshrew and Sandslash's claws are venomous, just like a shrew (a mouse-like mammal) is poisonous in real-life, hence their ability to learn Poison Sting naturally. Moreover, Sandslash's claws can break and its spikes are shed regularly, after which they grow back quickly. And even though Sandslash may not be the best Pokémon out there, I really like this Pokémon. Remember, my rating is not based on just a Pokémon's fighting performances, but also on its design, my personal experiences with said Pokémon and whether or not I'd like to use it in a playthrough once. That is the reason why Sandslash gets a 3.5-star rating.

Rating: 3.5/5