#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5

#131: Lapras

Lapras's surfing sprite in Pokémon X and Y. All of the
other surfing Pokémon are depicted as black blobs.

Imagine you could go anywhere just by riding Lapras. You won't be polluting the environment by emitting carbon dioxide when driving your car, transport is completely free of charge, and, most importantly, you won't be surrounded by noisy and nosy people: Lapras is all for yourself. If only that was possible...

Yeah, dream on.

Well, in the Pokémon world, Lapras is actually a very timid and docile but gentle Pokémon that is more than willing to ferry people across large bodies of water, a trait that has been recurrently demonstrated in the Pokémon franchise. During the Orange Islands saga, Ash owned a baby Lapras that took him and his friends everywhere they needed to go, from island to island and from adventure to adventure. Furthermore, the surfing sprite in X and Y is actually a Lapras instead of a vague black blur and the games in the Mystery Dungeon series often feature a Lapras that transports the main characters to other continents. There are probably other examples, but I was just trying to make a point here: Lapras is all about transporting other people and/or Pokémon, hence its classification as the 'Transport Pokémon'.

Fan art of Lapras leaping from the ocean water.

Except for the fact that there aren't any real-life marine creatures that will ferry you across the oceans, Lapras' flavor in general is interesting and very well-executed in the anime and games. It seems to be loosely based on the Scottish fable of the Monster of Loch Ness, but strongly resembles a species of marine dinosaurs from the Jurassic period known as the plesiosaur. Lapras is a very compassionate and intelligent Pokémon that can understand human speech (which is not extraordinary, because any other Pokémon is able to understand human speech as well) and can read the minds of people, and is so rare due to it being overhunted almost to extinction by hunters that take advantage of its gentle and pacifist nature. Therefore, it sings enchanting melodies to seek or keep in touch with others of its kind. All of these characteristics can be comparable to some cetaceans, marine mammals like whales and dolphins.

Fun fact: Lapras's name is a corruption of the surname of Pierre-Simon Laplace, an influential French mathematician who wrote several books on the mathematical properties of the sea and tides, and/or a corruption of la place, which is French for 'the seat' and refers to how passengers sit on its back like a seat to be ferried across the waters. Additionally, its name may also be derived from lapis lazuli, a deep blue semi-precious stone that has been prized for its intense color since ancient times.

More Lapras fan art. 

But despite the fact that Lapras rarely fight, Game Freak can hardly prohibit you to use Lapras to fight with in the games, especially in the competitive scene. And Lapras is a bulky Pokémon with well-rounded stats across the board, possessing some beefy HP and alright offensive and defensive stats. Its speed isn't that good, but Lapras is meant to take some hits, so it doesn't matter anyway. Now, there are a few ways to use this thing. Firstly, an all-out attacking Lapras isn't uncommon: Lapras can learn a shit-ton of good offensive moves, including Ice Beam, Scald, Freeze-Dry, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Surf, Dragon Pulse, Ancient Power, Bulldoze, Body Slam, Zen Headbutt, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Iron Head, Iron Tail and Outrage. A Modest nature and Choice Specs help pump up the strength of its moves even further, but Lapras isn't the best attacker out there (although I'm not saying that it's bad by any means). I recommend utilize Lapras's natural bulk and breed one with a Bold nature, while you maximize its HP and defense EVs and, to a lesser extent, invest some in its special attack as well. It should be holding the Leftovers and its moveset should consist of Scald (does some STAB damage and has a high chance to burn the opposing Pokémon), Rest, Heal Bell (heals all of your Pokémon's status conditions) and Roar (forces the opponent to switch into another Pokémon, which is handy if the opposing Pokémon is setting up). Ditching Roar for Freeze-Dry or Ice Beam is optional. Anyway, to top all of that, Shell Armor is an excellent ability that prevents the opponent to pull off a critical hit on Lapras, which only adds up to Lapras's bulk. Water Absorb is nice too, absorbing incoming water-type attacks and even getting some HP recovery from them, while Hydration cures any non-volatile status condition while it's raining and works primarily on a rain team. It can be useful in combination with Rest, though.

In the end, Lapras is a very interesting Pokémon that has a lot going for it. Some Pokémon are easily forgettable, but the motherfuckers at Game Freak have done everything in their power to let nobody forget about it. And rightfully so, because Lapras is an excellent Pokémon that deserves some love.

Rating: 4/5

#238, #124: Smoochum & Jynx

Is it just me and my dirty mind, or is this genius piece of TCG art
a tad bit provocative? "Ayo gurrrl, show me dat booty!"

First Hitmontop, now Smoochum?

Goddamn, Game Freak must have liked them medieval bowl cuts back then...

Well, you know my opinion about baby Pokémon by now, don't you? So I don't have to tell you what I think about Smoochum, even though I don't particularly hate its design. Too bad its flavor is so incredibly boring though, because there is absolutely nothing about it that is remotely interesting, aside from the fact that Smoochum uses its thick, sensitive lips to identify and examine objects that it sees for the first time. So it's clumsy? Who cares, so am I. So it's vain? Yeah, me too. Jynx is a whole other matter. It likes to wiggle rythmically with its hips while it walks, so it already knew what it had to do with that big fat butt before Jason Derulo even sang about it; and on top of that, it alters the rhythm of its moving hips depending on how it is feeling. Its bouncingly alluring motions can make other people compelled to shake their hips with it without giving any thought to what they are doing. Jynx also talks in a strange, incomprehensible language that sounds human, but it is impossible to tell what it is trying to say and research is still being carried out to decipher its words.

Jynx as seen in the off-season anime episode
"Holiday Hi-Jynx", which was intended to be
the 39th episode but was rescheduled
following the seizures that "Electric Soldier
Porygon" caused to Japanese children.

However, that is not what makes Jynx so interesting. What's interesting is that, even 'til today, Jynx has been notorious for being a very controversial figure, within the fan base as well as outside. You see, Jynx originally had a black skin color combined with thick lips, which caused one Carole Boston Weatherford to complain that Jynx was a negative racial stereotype of African-Americans after she saw the episode "Holiday Hi-Jynx". Weatherford's complaint has caused many repercussions in the Pokémon franchise, starting with the alterations of Jynx's sprites in the Western releases of Gold and Silver. Its design has gradually changed since then, in all possible media: from the games and the anime to the TCG art and the manga (its skin was changed from a deep black to a dark gray, so to suggest that Jynx are purple). From Ruby and Sapphire onwards, Jynx's official sprites have been purple rather than black, even in Japan. The 41st episode of the fifth season of the anime, "The Ice Cave!" (English translation of the Japanese title), was skipped in its entirety in the English dub because Jynx still had its original skin color and, above all, played an important role in the episode. Also, it is said that another reason that the episode was banned was because Brock got really sick in it, suffering from a cold with symptoms that looked like SARS, a disease that caused an epidemic at the time, especially in China. However, this was dismissed as bullshit a short while after that, because the episode aired in China without causing any problems or controversy and because Jynx made a cameo appearance in the 13th episode of the sixth season, "All Things Bright and Beautifly!", that was cut from the English dub because of its black skin color. Only from the 23rd episode of season 8 onwards did Jynx's redesign appear in the anime, and it was the first time that Jynx was shown in the flesh in America since "Holiday Hi-Jynx".

But it doesn't end there.

Left: Jynx's original official art. Right: Jynx's current official art.
Both are created by Ken Sugimori.

Following the controversy surrounding Jynx's racial aspects, it is often discussed within the Pokémon fandom what it is based on. To this day, it is still not clear what Jynx is supposed to represent, although the fact that it is depicted as Santa's helper in "Holiday Hi-Jynx" might be a reference to the Dutch folklore character of Zwarte Piet (pronunciation: zwar-tuh peet), meaning Black Pete or Black Peter. Zwarte Pieten are men in blackface and frilly seventeenth-century clothing that accompany Sinterklaas, a corruption of Sint-Nicolaas (Saint Nicholas) of Myra, Anatolia. This patron saint of children had a reputation of being very generous and handing out gifts, particularly leaving coins in strangers' shoes. This led to several myths and traditions of gift-giving in some European countries, mostly on his feast day somewhere in December. Sinterklaas can be seen as the Dutch equivalent of Santa Claus; in fact, modern-day Santa is directly derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas. There's only one huge difference here: Santa's little helpers are usually elves, while Sinterklaas' companions are Zwarte Pieten. Also, Sinterklaas doesn't have reindeers pulling a sleigh; instead, he travels to the Netherlands by steamboat and rides a white horse called Amerigo (named after the Italian explorer and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci; in Flanders the horse is called Slecht-Weer-Vandaag, meaning 'bad weather today') while in our country.

Zwarte Piet has become very controversial in the Netherlands lately, because of
his black-as-soot face. 

In recent years, Zwarte Piet has become a controversial figure in the Netherlands, mainly because he is thought to be a racist caricature, which has led to the introduction of alternate- and multi-colored Pieten participating in some sinterklaasoptochten ('Sinterklaas parades') held throughout the country. Most Dutch people, myself included, are displeased with this change and are like, "Hands off of our tradition", but the Sinterklaas holidays are undergoing a change and it seems to be inevitable that Zwarte Piet will soon be nothing more than a figure in our history books. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist by any means. In fact, I don't think Zwarte Piet is black by nature. Little children believe Zwarte Pieten enter their house by using the chimney, leaving candy in their shoes every few days (usually chocolate coins) until sinterklaasavond ('Sinterklaas evening') arrives, on which children get a moderate pile of presents. Zwarte Pieten are supposed to represent chimney sweeps covered in soot, although it's actually Santa himself who has adopted the tradition of going through the chimney, only without the dirty face. Admittedly, the idea of Zwarte Pieten being chimney sweeps has been executed quite terribly, especially considering the Netherlands' past with slavery.

The yamanba side of the fashion style called ganguro. This girl
scares me more than Jynx does. 

Anyway, there are a few other figures who may be the inspiration for Jynx. A common interpretation may be that of a Nordic or Viking woman, due to Jynx's primary ice typing and the old-fashioned, breastplated gown it is wearing. Another theory is that Jynx has traits of a female opera singer, as Pokémon Snap and its Gen. III sprites depict it singing, espcially the Emerald sprite that animates it singing a high note. It may have its origins in yuki-onna, meaning 'snow woman' (hence Jynx's ice type), Japanese spirits that are associated with winter and snowstorms. Additionally, Jynx is probably based most on the Japanese spirit Yama-uba (with Smoochum being based on the human child she is raising, Kintarō), who is described as always wearing a tattered red kimono, seducing her victims by dancing, and having golden white hair, a dark-colored skin, large lips and control over winter weather (does all that sound familiar?). Yamanba is also slang for the extreme side of the fashion style ganguro, which involves bleached hair, artificial tanning and applying brightly-colored lipstick, usually pink.

Three Jynx performing some sort of dance in unison.

Yup, there is a lot to say about Jynx, but at the end of the day, the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question is whether Jynx is viable for competitive play. Well, is it? Sure, if you know what you're doing. Jynx possesses some great special attack, very good speed and special defense, average HP and downright terrible attack and defense. That attack is something Jynx doesn't need anyway, but that low defense just plain sucks. There is a certain tactic you can use when battling with Jynx: run one with a Timid nature and its hidden ability Dry Skin (the other two it has aren't really useful), have it hold a Focus Sash or Life Orb, put the foe to sleep with Lovely Kiss (kinda risky with just 75% accuracy, though), set up with Nasty Plot and fire away with Ice Beam, Psyshock or Psychic, and/or Focus Blast. It also learns Shadow Ball, Energy Ball and Signal Beam, just for some type coverage. You can also Scarf or Specs Jynx, but that means you won't be able to set up with Nasty Plot and then destroy the opponent with its moves, as these items lock Jynx into using just one move until it is switched out. Watch out with Dry Skin: it effectively gives Jynx an immunity to water-type moves and heals its HP by a maximum of 25% if it is hit by one, but it strengthens the opponent's fire-type moves by 25% as well. And that's a problem, because Jynx's ice typing already renders it weak to fire.

Jynx has been interestingly controversial, to say the least, and the last word about it has yet to be said. All in all, I consider Jynx to be nothing more than OK: its design is alright, its flavor is alright (it's all about kissing as well: Lovely Kiss, Sweet Kiss, Draining Kiss...), and despite the fact that the controversy it caused is rather interesting, it did hold me back from actually loving this thing. Also, I'm not particularly fond of humanoid Pokémon (Lickilicky and Mr. Mime in particular), but I like Jynx well enough, even though I think it's a little bit creepy.

Rating: 3.5/5

#90 - #91: Shellder & Cloyster

Do you remember that I already discussed Shellder in Slowbro and Slowking's entry? Yeah, I know that Shellder doesn't look like the shells on Slowbro's tail and Slowking's head, but there's this thing called evolution that might cause a Shellder that is attached to either Slowbro or Slowking to change its appearance as well, so don't question it. Okay?

Shellder in the anime. Due to its dopey look and big tongue,
Shellder is actually kinda cute, despite being a slimy mollusk. 

Okay. So, Shellder is already interesting by itself, especially because of its symbiotic relationship with the Slowpoke line. Now, I'm not going to write an entire paper about that; if you want to read about what Shellder does to Slowbro and Slowking, I suggest you go read their entry instead. All I know is that Shellder doesn't look so cute in its 'parasite' form anymore, nor does it actually look like a Pokémon when it clamps on to a member of the Slowpoke family, for that matter. In battles, Shellder is not so keen on clamping itself to an opponent, because that will reveal its vulnerable parts and therefore it will only do that as a last resort. Obviously, Shellder lives and sleeps in a hole on the seafloor, which it creates by using its broad tongue that is always kept hanging out. Loose grains of sand that get trapped inside its body after burrowing its hole are mixed with body fluids to form beautiful pearls. Shellder moves around by rapidly opening and closing its bivalve shell (which, by the way, is as hard as diamond)... while facing backwards. So it doesn't see where it is going, or does it have an intuitional orientation? Unfortunately, the Pokédex - or rather: Game Freak - fails to provide us with any information on that.

Cloyster fan art.

What is evident, though, is that Shellder is capable to fully evolve by itself. When it is exposed to a Water Stone, this cute little mussle (or clam) evolves into a giant not-to-be-fucked-with oyster. Cloyster definitely has more spikes on its shell than Shellder, but these spikes are even harder than its diamond-hard shell (harsh tidal currents affect their size and sharpness) and are also its main tools in battle. That is evident in the fact that it is able to learn flavor-matching moves like Spike Cannon and Spikes, as well as Icicle Spear, which can only be learned by Shellder. Its projectile system is also used to move itself forward, swallowing seawater and ejecting it towards the rear propelling it through with siphon-jet propulsion. Cloyster is kind of a mysterious Pokémon in the first place, because no one knows what its innards look like, will ever be able to open its shell when it is closed, or knows why its shell is so hard it can withstand a bomb blast or even a missile strike.

Some more awesome Cloyster fan art.

Whatever material(s) Cloyster's shell is made of, its in-game use strongly matches its flavor: Cloyster has a massive base 180 defense stat, which makes it capable to survive quite some physical attacks from its opponents. Unfortunately, its base HP is quite low and its special defense is absolutely garbage, so its endurance might disappoint in the long run. That is why Cloyster is often given a Focus Sash, which saves it from being one-shotted. Cloyster comes with three excellent abilities, but one of its two regular abilities, Skill Link, is absolutely the best. This ability allows Cloyster to hit the opponent a maximum number of times with multi-strike moves like Icicle Spear and Rock Blast, which hit for 25 power a pop for a maximum of five times. That's some clean 125 damage right there, so these moves are must-haves for Cloyster. So, what about the other abilities? Well, Shell Armor prevents Cloyster from getting a critical hit to the face, which is useless when it is hit by Thunderbolt or something anyway, while its hidden ability Overcoat prevents it from receiving chip damage from weather conditions such as Hail and Sandstorm, which is situational at best.

As for the other moves he should have: Razor Shell is its only usable physical water-type move (although some players carry Ice Shard on Cloyster instead), and Shell Smash raises its attck, special attack and speed by two stages each and lowers its defense and special defense by one stage each. Losing some defense for a lot of offense and speed is a good trade in my opinion, as Cloyster can still withstand quite a few physical attacks after a Shell Smash boost. The defense and special defense drop makes it even more frail than it is though, so that Focus Sash might be a very good idea. Although a Life Orb is a good alternative, a White Herb, which is an item that restores negative stat changes like the defensive drops from Shell Smash, might come in handy as well. A Jolly or Naive nature (both makes Cloyster's speed stat grow better) are the preferred natures for Cloyster and make it outspeed many Choice Scarf opponents after a Shell Smash.

Now, this player takes Game Freak's suggestive joke to the next level. Dirty
motherfucker!

This water/ice dual-type Pokémon is definitely great in battles, but the funniest thing about it is a joke theory that is going round on the Internet. In HeartGold and SoulSilver, the player is challenged by Young Couple Duff and Eda, who use Cloyster and Onix. But as it happens, in this context, Cloyster and Onix tend to strongly resemble a vulva and a phallus, respectively. Very suggestive, but I guess someone at Game Freak likes dirty inside jokes that children won't even notice. It makes adult players go LOL and parents go OMG, but I really don't see the harm in it.

Cloyster is one of those Pokémon I would LOVE to use in a playthrough once, especially one with the Skill Link ability, which makes it an extremely useful, unique and overpowered Pokémon (although it beats me why it isn't able to learn Pin Missile, with its effective projectile system and all). I love its design and its mischievous look, which suggest that we're dealing with a highly defensive and strong Pokémon. I'll gladly give Cloyster a rating of 5 stars, every one of them more than deserving!

Rating: 5/5

#86 - #87: Seel & Dewgong

Pretty nice fan art of Seel.

Talk about uninspiring Pokémon.

Okay, Seel and Dewgong are obviously based on pinnipeds, or seals, as these animals are more commonly called. More specifically, the Pokédex suggests they are based on sea lions. Otariinae (sea lions) are a subfamily of otariidae (eared seals, under which sea lions and fur seals can be categorized), which is one of three groups categorized under pinnipedia, all pinnipeds in general, even walruses. Not only is Seel's name pretty unimaginative, its flavor is pretty much based on what real seals do as well, if you ignore the fact that sea lions don't actually live on icebergs in frigid ocean waters as cold as -40°F and don't thrive in these cold environments at all; that's the thing of other seal species. They don't have the warm fur and thick hide that Seel has, either. Come to think of it, I think we have another case of 'erroneous Pokédex classification', but let's not get further into that. Game Freak are close enough this time, and there are plenty of other things to talk about.

Dewgong in all its glory.

Like how Dewgong is largely based on the aquatic mammals dugongs (from the dugongidae family) and manatees (from the trichechidae family), also known as sea cows (the order sirenia), rather than seals. Or sea lions, for that matter. Dewgong shares much of its flavor with its pre-evolution, like its ability to resist even extreme cold by storing thermal energy in its body (but don't all ice-type Pokémon have a resistance to cold?), its capability to swim fast and agilely through the water (no shit, it's a water type), and its tendency to hunt for food at night rather than during the day. It even gets more active when the weather is cold, like Seel, and specifically searches for cold places to rest, like Seel. The only thing that can't be found on seals and sea cows is its horn, with which it's able to break through thick layers of ice. It's such a shame Dewgong's characteristics aren't a little bit more interesting, because I actually quite like its design.

More fan art of Dewgong, because its official art isn't near as
interesting. 

Dewgong serves little purpose in battles, either. It's a very mediocre in-game Pokémon, with base attack and special attack stats of only 70. It's more defensive than it is offensive, with 90 base HP, 80 base defense and 95 base special defense. This could be useful in the competitive tier (NU; never used) it resides in. It is recommended to use a Dewgong with a Calm nature, the item Leftovers for it to hold, and the Thick Fat ability. This ability reduces damage from fire- and ice-type moves, from which Dewgong takes neutral damage or to which it is resistant anyway. Hydration makes it cure status conditions in the rain, but this only works in a rain team, while Ice Body allows it to restore some health when it's hailing, which is disadvantageous to the other (non-ice-type) Pokémon in your team, as hail damages them. Now, as for the moves Dewgong should learn... It is a specially defensive support Pokémon, no doubt, which it why it should have Toxic, to poison the foe, and Protect, to Toxic stall the foe and gain some recovery from its own Leftovers. Surf or Ice Beam is an offensive move to keep Dewgong from being Taunt bait, while Perish Song (which makes the user as well as the target faint within three turns) can be used on Pokémon on which Toxic has no effect, such as Pokémon with the Magic Guard ability or steel types.

If it weren't for Dewgong's uninteresting flavor and mediocre battling capabilities, I would have given it a better rating, probably even close to five stars. Now, however, I have no choice but to pull back a little and give Dewgong a rating of 3.5 stars. And that's still generous of me.

Rating: 3.5/5