#299, #476: Nosepass & Probopass

Oh, nose! Not these Pokémon...

I'm not really looking forward to this review, to be honest. Probopass used to be my least favorite Pokémon along with Lickilicky, but I realized Lickilicky really is dumber and uglier and just rubs me the wrong way every time I'm looking at it, while my reaction to Probopass nowadays is more like, "Nah, not for me, thank you very much." A couple of weeks ago I realized that even Pelipper is worse than Probopass. Good GOD, if Sun and Moon don't make you despise Pelipper, I don't know what does...

Excellently papercraft Nosepass. 

Anyway, like with Lickilicky's pre-evo Lickitung, I must say I've never had a problem with Probopass's pre-evolution, Nosepass. In fact, Nosepass used to be a stand-alone rock-type Pokémon until it got this hideous evolution exactly one generation later. Like Lickitung, it is kind of mediocre, but at least it has kind of a cooler flavor and design to it, being based on a compass as well as on one of those mo'ai statues you can find on Easter Island. Its nose - based on the magnetic ethmoid bone that is located between the nasal cavity and the brain and is known to give specific species of birds their sense of direction - is always pointed northwards and exudes a strong magnetism that becomes even stronger in colder seasons; it even prevents Nosepass to face or go near others of its kind, because their noses repel each other. Not that they'd come very far, though, because Nosepass were thought to be completely unmoving until close observation has revealed that they actually move a little over ⅜ of an inch every year. If I could move so little every year without becoming Lickilicky, that would be absolutely astounding, but alas... At any rate, Nosepass is perfectly capable of sensing danger, and it raises the magnetism in its nose to draw iron objects to its body to protect itself (the same technique is used to capture prey), hence why Probopass acquires the steel typing upon evolution.

Official Sugimori art of Probopass. Now look at it and tell me that
the mustache doesn't look dumb. And that pukao makes it look
like it has some big red button on its head. This is such a shitty
design, i.m.o.

Yeah, Probopass... It's still based on a mo'ai statue, this time on a bigger one wearing a pukao, and iron filings that make it look like it has a mustache can clearly be seen beneath its humongous nose. I have a problem with those iron filings, because it's the fraudulent mustache that made me hate Probopass on Lickilicky levels. Of course, the iron filings are only present in its design because they're attracted to Probopass's tremendously magnetic nose, but along with that dumb pukao they also make its design unappealing. Like, big-time. It's a shame, really, because the concept of a compass rose (Probopass's main nose still faces the North, but it also freely controls and attacks with three units called Mini-Noses, pointing to the East, South and West, respectively) isn't a bad one by any means; it's just too poorly executed. On top of that, the evolution method of leveling up certain Pokémon in a special electromagnetic field present in the games is especially irksome when said magnetic field is nowhere in sight until near the end of the game, like New Mauville in ORAS - or Vast Poni Canyon in Sun and Moon, for that matter, because it took ages to evolve my Charjabug into a goddamn Vikavolt.

Anyway, let's not digress too much here.

Here you can clearly see the three units Probopass controls. 

Fortunately, evolving Nosepass into Probopass pays off. While Probopass doesn't have much offensive presence, its special attack is good enough for in-game purposes, especially when you take into consideration that both of its defenses are magnificent - with base 145 defense and 150 special defense, you'll be sure your Probopass can live a few hits. Competitively, however, Probopass serves more as a defensive pivot: it can set up Stealth Rock, paralyze or poison foes with a respective Thunder Wave or Toxic, Taunt opposing Pokémon into using only damaging moves to prevent them from setting up, and damage-switch with Volt Switch in order for you to gain momentum. In combination with the Leftovers for it to hold and a Calm or Bold nature, Probopass will live long enough to irritate your opponent. As for its ability, Sturdy is by far the better option and prevents Probopass from being KO'ed by ground- and fighting-type moves, to which it has quadruple weaknesses. Alternatively, Magnet Pull only works with an offensive moveset, so that Probopass can trap steel types and knock them out with an Earth Power boosted by a Modest nature. The Choice Specs may help boost its offensive prowess even further, although without Sturdy it is better to give it an Air Balloon so that it won't get hit by ground-type moves - for as long as another move doesn't make the darn thing pop, that is. It's not like Probopass's offensive movepool is all that shabby, either: it has decent STAB moves in Power Gem and Flash Cannon and very good coverage in Thunderbolt, Earth Power and even Dazzling Gleam.

The only problem is that its base 75 special attack isn't anything to write home about, so if you can make its offensive moveset work, I'd be more than happy to bestow all honor and glory upon you!

But yeah, Probopass... I may not hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. I'm very, very kind in giving it two stars.

Rating: 2/5

#246 - #248: Larvitar, Pupitar & Tyranitar

Okay, let me confess something here: I don't care for pseudo-legends all that much. Other people would easily give all of them five-star ratings if they would be doing this whole rating thing, but I won't. With the notable exceptions of Metagross and Hydreigon, I don't like pseudos as much as I actually should, and I think the fact that I like Dragonair more than Dragonite is a really good example of that. Don't get me wrong here: I still like Dragonite to some extent, and I'm definitely not going to bash Tyranitar or any of the other pseudos, but you shouldn't expect me to go fanboying over them, either.

Cute little Larvitar holding on to its Substitute plush. 

However, you can't deny that Tyranitar are terrible parents. Its basic form Larvitar is born deep underground, far from its parents, and takes a long time coming to the surface: it will have to eat the surrounding soil before it can see its parents' faces. It will only enter its pupal form - i.e. evolve into Pupitar - upon eating an entire mountain's worth of earth, although in the games it just evolves at level 30. As a Pupitar it becomes trapped in a shell that is so hard that it can even withstand a collision with solid steel, and it has to create a gas inside its body that it compresses and forcefully ejects to propel itself like jet. So it has to fart to move around? That's gross. However, it can move freely inside the shell while its arms and legs are developing, and its thrashing has such destructive power that it can topple a mountain. And Tyranitar? Tyranitar can crush a mountain with one hand. One hand. So... yeah. It has a vicious and insolent nature (see, I told you these things are bad parents!), and it will always be looking for a chance to fight because it knows its thick and rocky hide gives it a good resistance to all forms of attack. It is rarely scared and will never flinch at anything - except at a Serene Grace Air Slash from a Togekiss or a Serene Grace Iron Head from a Jirachi. If it's enraged, Tyranitar will set off outstanding non-STAB Earthquakes (the entire evolutionary line are rock types, but the secondary ground type changes into the dark type when Pupitar evolves into Tyranitar) that can completely change the entire landscape, often forcing cartographers to draw up new maps. So all things summarized, Tyranitar is nothing short of savage.

Pupitar in TCG. 

Now, you'd think that the entire evolutionary line are based on the notorious species of tyrannosaurus rex, but that is not necessarily the case. All of their Japanese names end with the suffix -giras, which may be derived from kirai ('hate') or Gojira and Angiras. Those are the Japanese names of the lizard-like creatures Godzilla and Anguirus, respectively, and are the monsters most often used in old Japanese tokusatsu movies, live-action fantasy or horror films with considerable use of special effects. As Anguirus is based on the ankylosaurus, it is more likely that Godzilla was the inspiration for Larvitar, Pupitar and Tyranitar - or Yogiras (ヨーギラス), Sangiras (サナギラス) and Bangiras (バンギラス) in Japanese. Godzilla itself was designed by combining the tyrannosaur, iguanodon and stegosaur, along with adding some crocodilian features, so we're coming full circle here. And if someone may be wondering what the prefixes of these Pokémon's Japanese names mean: Yogiras is derived from yōji ('baby') and/or yōsei ('larva'), Sangiras contains sanagi ('pupa'), and Bangiras and its foul temper were inspired from yaban ('savage') and/or ban ('barbarian'). That is awfully accurate, I'd say. Additionally, Tyranitar's English name is most likely derived from 'tyrant', referring to its vicious nature, rather than tyrannosaurus rex.

Pretty savage fan art of Mega Tyranitar.

Tyranitar is also a beast in competitive play. Aside from its speed, its base stats are decent to excellent, and it only gets better as Mega Tyranitar. It's not true that there isn't any attack that will leave a scratch on T-tar, but at least Game Freak have shown some consistency by giving it good defenses. Its base 110 defense is already sky-high, but because it's a rock type, its base 100 special defense will even increase by 50% during a sandstorm. And this only applies to regular T-tar. Its Mega has a base stat total of 700, with 164 attack, 150 defense and 120 special defense (before its ability Sand Stream whips up a sandstorm). Holy cow. You'd think it would be impossible to beat Mega T-tar at all, but it is kind of slow and has a whopping seven weaknesses, among which a quadruple one to fighting-type moves, so it has its flaws. There are some useful sets for regular Tyranitar, among which a Jolly Choice Scarf set and an Adamant Choice Band set, both with the Sand Stream ability and staple moves like Crunch, Stone Edge, Pursuit (a 40-power move that does double damage when the foe switches out on the turn it is used) and either Superpower or Earthquake. It can even be used for support, like setting up Stealth Rock and paralyze foes with Thunder Wave, but when using Mega Tyranitar I'd recommend going with a Dragon Dance set. Dragon Dance raises Mega
T-tar's attack and speed by one stage, and when it manages to pull one off, you're in big trouble, because it can finish off your Pokémon with a plethora of STAB and coverage moves.

Regular Tyranitar.

Now, I have another confession to make: I am NOT a fan of Mega Tyranitar. The spikes protruding everywhere from its body and the scales, which are now red instead of blue and enable it to emanate more power because they're seething with energy, only make it overdesigned. The scales do make Mega Tyranitar look more vicious, but they only enhance the notion that there are too many unnecessary additions to its design. So my rating today is for regular Tyranitar, who already looks savage on its own and didn't really need a Mega in the first place. And even though Tyranitar is naturally savage, its blue scales actually give it a somewhat softer look and don't make it look like it's overdesigned. I like Tyranitar more than Dragonite, but it's not one of my favorite Pokémon, so I'll guess it'll have to do with a 4.5-star rating. Which, by the way, isn't bad by any means.

P.S.: There's actually a Smogon Mega T-tar set called 'Indominus Rex', named after the new made-up dinosaur hybrid from Jurassic World. That's just fucking hilarious.

Rating: 4.5/5

#222: Corsola

Cute fan art of a shiny Corsola (the blue one) playing with
its regular counterpart.

I almost forgot this thing is... a thing. And I even used it in a playthrough. Honestly, it actually managed to put it some work with two Calm Minds up: its special defense is already decent and Calm Mind only buffs that stat up, as well as Corsola's special attack. And the move coverage was crazy; it can learn STAB moves like Surf and Power Gem (water and rock, respectively) and it has access to moves like Earth Power, Ice Beam, Psychic and Shadow Ball. You probably wonder why I wanted to use Corsola in the first place, but I didn't really have a reason for it. I just decided to use it when I caught one. It wasn't my best Pokémon by any means, but it has to be said that's due to Corsola's low base stat total (380). And because of that, Corsola is actually pretty booty, even to use in a goddamn playthrough. I had the luck my Corsola had a Modest nature, otherwise I would have simply ignored it. It goes without saying that Corsola's low stats leave you with nothing else to do but to throw this thing back into the sea without hesitation when you're looking for a competitive Pokémon. Just... don't use it. The fact that I had fun with it for a while doesn't mean that you will enjoy using it, but just in case I have piqued your interest and you want to use it now: by all means, go ahead.

Nice sub-aquatic art of Corsola. Surprisingly, there is quite some
fan art of Corsola to be found on the Internet. 

However, Corsola is one of those Pokémon that easily keeps being forgotten. Even by me, and I used one to guide me through Pokémon X. It's a shame, because Game Freak used an interesting concept to define Corsola: red coral, which is used as a precious stone because of its durable and intensely colored red or pink skeleton. The Dutch even call it bloedkoraal ('blood coral') because of the intense red color. However, excessive fishing has damaged the species along the Mediterranean coastline, which has resulted in several protection enactments. The tips of Corsola's head is also treasured for its beauty - they even glitter in seven colors when they catch sunlight - but at least Corsola can shed its branches and grow them back over the course of a single night when it's healthy. When the water it lives in is polluted, however, the branches discolor and deteriorate due to a lack of nutrition Corsola gets from clear water. The one thing I think should have been included in Corsola's Pokédex entries is whether it has been hunted to near extinction for its growths or not, similar to its real-life counterpart red coral. The protection laws that have been in effect in Banyuls, Carry-le-Rouet and Scandola - the three oldest Mediterranean Marine Protected Areas, all off the coast of the island of Corsica - since their approval resulted in growing colonies of red coral at shallow and deeper depths.

Yeah, it would have been nice if Corsola's Pokédex entries had contained such information, but at least Game Freak gave this Pokémon some thought. I think. I'm not a huge fan of the design, but I guess it's okay, although it'll have an influence on my overall rating of Corsola. The same counts for its nonexistent competitive abilities and the fact that it's a forgettable Pokémon at best, but I won't be savage: Corsola gets a 3.5-star rating.

Rating: 3.5/5

#218 - #219: Slugma & Magcargo

I think Slugma's old official art (right) is much better than its
current official art (left). The latter's snout shape is just so weird
compared to the other. 

Talk about insignificant. Slugma and Magcargo have never been such popular Pokémon and I can understand why, even though I quite like them personally. That is to blame on a mix of terrible competitive utility, horrendous flavor inconsistency, and its overall easy-to-forget design. While they're not exactly the same, Numel and Camerupt can do what Slugma and Magcargo can, only much better. Camerupt even has a Mega to boot. But surely there are some positive aspects to be found of Slugma and Magcargo, right? Slugma, a little magma slug, has a circulatory system composed entirely of intensely hot magma, which delivers vital nutrients and oxygen to its organs. However, it never sleeps nor ever stops moving in order to prevent its body from cooling or hardening, because if it does it will become brittle and start to break apart. Slugma's shiny form is gray and may be based on cooled, hardened magma, which is usually a metallic gray color.

Magcargo.

But whereas Slugma's body may be intensely hot, Magcargo's body temperature is ridiculously high. I'd say even impossibly high, because at 18,000°F its body is even hotter than the surface of the sun (9,940°F). It would be impossible to approach Magcargo in the first place, let alone touch it. And according to its Pokédex entries, its magma body causes water to evaporate on contact, yet in the games it is still 4x weak to water due to its additional rock type. That's due to the rocky shell, which is just skin that has hardened and is brittle enough to be crumbled apart by touching it slightly, but Magcargo - the 'cargo' part being derived from 'cargo' and escargot, the French word for 'snail' - can reform its body by dipping itself in magma. That reminds me of Magmar, who dips its body in lava in order to instantly recover from its injuries, but reforming your body is still an entirely different thing than healing it. While Slugma and Magcargo are believed to be based on the Chilean myth of the Cherufe, mythical evil creatures of rock and magma that are found in the mythology of the indigenous Mapuche people in south-central Chile and southwestern Argentina and inhabit the magma pools of Chilean volcanoes, nothing actually indicates that those monsters take on the form of snails or slugs.

A more 'realistic' approach to Macargo: a magma snail with a
shell on its back. Snails don't usually let fire escape from their
shells, but whatever. 

In legends, Cherufe are the source of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions; and while Magcargo can learn Earthquake, it's not evidence of it being based on the Cherufe, because many other Pokémon can learn Earthquake as well. Magcargo doesn't even learn Eruption, but it doesn't need it. This move does more damage the more HP Magcargo has, but Magcargo is slow in the first place and it will always take a hit first, instantly reducing its HP and weakening Eruption. Handier is Shell Smash, which sharply raises Magcargo's attack, special attack and speed but lowers each defense stat by one stage. It's an appropriate move for it (however, despite the brittle shell its defense is still a solid base 120) and if you manage to pull it off, you're good to go. Unfortunately, Magcargo doesn't have many coverage moves: Earth Power isn't even STAB, the only special-based rock-type move it gets is Ancient Power, and the only good moves it has aside from Earth Power are its fire-type moves. Lava Plume, Flamethrower and Heat Wave are pretty reliable, while Fire Blast is stronger but less accurate. As for items and abilities, Magcargo isn't very viable competitively, and it is outclassed by so many other fire-type Pokémon in the tier (PU; partly used) that it's not even funny. Don't even think about using Magcargo as a defensive support Pokémon, because its low HP won't back up its great defense stat, and common water- and ground-types will completely annihilate it. And let's not start about its mediocre special defense. It can still be a decent in-game Pokémon with any desirable item attached to it, if you have the patience to wait for Slugma to evolve into Magcargo at level 38.

Magcargo is not as good as it should have been, but at least Game Freak went with an interesting concept, flavor inconsistency aside (a body hotter than the sun's surface, really?). Plus, I quite like its design, and it makes me think that it's just a shame that Magcargo isn't a better Pokémon overall. I don't think I'm ever gonna use it, but I don't hate it. Like, at all.

Rating: 4/5

#213: Shuckle

Official Sugimori art of Shuckle.

This is a tricky Pokémon...

Shuckle is the one Pokémon with the most extreme stat distribution, being either the best or in the bottom three of every base stat category. First off, it is tied with Mega Steelix and Mega Aggron for the highest base defense stat and has the highest base special defense stat, period. Both sit at a monstrous 230, although they're offset by Shuckle's terrible base 20 HP stat. It kind of renders those defenses tricky to utilize, as it wears Shuckle down more easily than you'd like. But aside from its good defensive stats, Shuckle also has some atrocious other stats: it is tied with Munchlax for the lowest speed stat, tied with Feebas and Bonsly for the lowest special attack stat, and tied with Magikarp and Blissey for the second lowest attack stat (only Happiny and Chansey have a lower base attack stat). You'd think that Shuckle is impossible to use at all in competitive play, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. It's mainly used as a support Pokémon, sure, but a good support Pokémon despite the low HP stat that hardly backs up its defenses. And in spite of the fact that I love Shuckle for what it is, I'll never use it in competitive play (I'm not really a competitive battler to begin with), simply because I'm sure I'll never make good use of it and because I want a more reliable tank.

Amazing papercraft Shuckle.

While it wasn't used very often prior to X and Y, Gen. VI was kind to Shuckle and gave it access to Sticky Web, a move that lowers the speed of every opposing Pokémon by one stage when they enter the battlefield. That's handy to let the rest of your team get the edge they possibly need over faster foes. The rest of Shuckle's moveset should consist of Stealth Rock for setting up entry hazards on the opponent's side of the battlefield, Encore to lock the opposing Pokémon into some move, and either Infestation or Toxic. Toxic instantly inflicts the foe with bad poison, but Infestation does immediate damage and damages the foe significantly every turn while it also prevents said foe from switching out. Could be useful if you want a Pokémon to stay in if it can't hurt Shuckle all that much. Unfortunately, you'll have to choose between a physically or specially bulky Shuckle, because you need to invest in its HP. If physically defensive, go with a Bold nature, and if specially defensive, a Calm nature would be a good idea. Either way, Shuckle is slow and is very susceptible to Taunt, so give it a Mental Herb to remove the effects of that move. And don't worry about Shuckle getting one-shotted, because it has the Sturdy ability, which leaves it at 1 HP if attacked at full HP should the attack have knocked it out. Gluttony lets it consume a berry earlier than usual, which it doesn't need, while Contrary reverses stat changes, which is only handy if you have a Shuckle with Superpower - lowers attack and defense by one stage after use - or something. And that's a move it doesn't even learn.

A Shuckle wallpaper. Just because there isn't anything else to be found on the
Internet. 

It's such a shame Shuckle can't make use of some awesome moves it gets. Shell Smash lowers its defenses by one stage while it boosts everything else by two stages 'cept for HP. Too bad 'everything else' on Shuckle is downright terrible and disappoints even when maxed out (six stages). Power Trick is a nifty move that switches Shuckle's defense with its attack, which lets it temporarily get an attack stat equivalent to a base 230 stat. Unfortunately that means its defense will be paper-thin, but with Sturdy it should be able to live a hit. If you can pull it off, it's a nice gimmick. Substitute would only break Sturdy because it requires 25% of Shuckle's health, and Shuckle doesn't have any means of recovery except for Leftovers, which I don't recommend giving it. The Rest/Sleep Talk combo would only take the spotlight off of other, more handy moves Shuckle has. This Pokémon is basically a one-way road: everybody knows exactly where you're going with this thing.

A shiny Shuckle in the anime.

But I don't love Shuckle because of its competitive utility; no, I love it for its design. I know it's a bug Pokémon, but it's so adorable. There are some bug types that have a couple of features that make them look kind of cute, but can you name one bug type that's as cute as Shuckle (and no, the recently announced Cutiefly for Pokémon Sun and Moon doesn't count)? I didn't think so. Given the organisms it may be based on, it's no mean feat to make it appear cute, though: Shuckle is based on an endolith, an organism that lives inside porous rocks or animal shells, and possibly also scale insects - small, shelled parasites that produce a sweet fluid called honeydew that attracts other insects. Shuckle does a similar thing: it likes to collect berries and store them in its shell, then liquefies and ferments them with its digestive juices for it to consume or be used to dissolve rocks with so that it can hide under them. But wait, does Shuckle ferment the collected berries with digestive juices or does it turn said barries into a unique juice? Bulbapedia claims it's both, although that website is just a source that keeps information about what the anime and games explicitly say about Shuckle, so blame it on Game Freak. Or Nintendo. Or The Pokémon Company.

Whatever, one of the three.

More anime Shuckle. Don't you think it looks adorable?

Anyway, other organisms Shuckle may be based on are mollusks - due to the use of acids to receive foods or break obstacles, the liking for fermented foods, the tendency to live near water, and the seemingly limp but actually muscular feet - and, appearance-wise, turtles and vases/jars. The Japanese tsubo, the Korean danji, the Chinese hú and the German Pott all mean 'jar' and refer to Shuckles tendency to store berries in its shell. Shuckle's Japanese and Mandarin Chinese names, Tsubotsubo (ツボツボ) and Húhú (壺壺), contain the words fujitsubo and ténghú, respectively, and both mean 'barnacle'. It's probably the holes in its shells rimmed with white that make it look barnacle-like, but I think that's a bit of a stretch.

I love Shuckle. I know I said I wouldn't ever use it anymore, but that doesn't mean I never tried. I had a Shuckle in Black 2 or White 2 (I forgot which one) and carried it around on my team. It already had Power Trick upon capture and I tried the tactic over and over again, but it was just way too unreliable and I boxed it before I got to the Pokémon League. However, I adored this thing even before that: Gold and Silver were my first Pokémon games, and I remember a PokéManiac in Cianwood City would offer you to take of his Shuckle named Shuckie for a while because he was scared of Team Rocket and wanted Shuckie to be taken care of by an experienced Trainer. I realized it wasn't very good in battles, but I kept it anyway (who didn't?) and stored it in the PC. I felt like such a thief, but at the same time I didn't care because I loved everything about that thing. And because I still have a love for this adorable critter, I'm giving it a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#438, #185: Bonsly & Sudowoodo

I think Bonsly looks stupid, but this realistic 3D art looks even
better than the actual cartoon version. 

Sigh. I don't want to talk about Bonsly. I think it is stupid and unnecessary and basically just a rip-off of its evolution, as I think most baby Pokémon are. All it does is being a downright attention whore by continuously creating fake tears. Okay, it does so because it needs to adjust its body's fluid and moisture levels, but I don't fucking care; this phony bonsai tree can go to hell for all I care. No, I'm much more interested in Sudowoodo, the Pokémon that blocked the road to Ecruteak City in Gold and Silver (and their remakes). You had to beat Whitney and her terrifying Miltank first before you could get a SquirtBottle (or a Wailmer Pail in HeartGold and SoulSilver) from the lady in the Goldenrod flower shop in order to spray water all over Sudowoodo to make it attack you. As Sudowoodo is a static Pokémon and doesn't appear anywhere else in the games, many people tried to catch it at first, until they realized Sudowoodo isn't all that great after all. Of course, I was the exception to the rule, because I started using it in my HeartGold playthrough and it turned out to be quite the strong and diverse Pokémon. Very satisfactory, even better than the other Pokémon on my team. Then again, one of them was a Fearow, and it's generally not hard to outclass mediocre Pokémon like that when you're a slightly better mediocre Pokémon yourself.

Look at Sudowoodo being a happy-go-lucky ray of fucking sunshine. 

One thing that bothers me is that so many people complain that Sudowoodo is not part grass. I mean, WHY would it be a grass-type Pokémon? Sudowoodo is nothing but a phoney trying to fool others with its appearance. It is based on petrified wood, plants that have become fossilized over time, and therefore its composition is closer to a rock than a plant. It likes to disguise itself as a tree and stand along paths to avoid being attacked, although its camouflage fails in wintertime because its fingertips remain green at all times. Sudowoodo is basically a fake tree, which becomes clear in X and Y, in which it can be found in a horde battle alongside four Trevenant. That's genius, Game Freak. This tree disguise thing can also be found in the names it has received from Game Freak across the globe:

English: Sudowoodo is a combination of pseudo- (a prefix meaning 'false') and 'wood'. Aditionally, Bonsly is derived from 'bonsai' and 'sly' or 'lie'.

Japanese: Usokkie (ウソッキー) is derived from uso, ki and usotsuki, meaning 'false', 'tree' and 'liar', respectively. Additionally, Usohachi (ウソハチ) contains the Japanese word for flower pot, hachi. And let's face it, Bonsly does look like a terracotta plant pot. It even has a hole in its rear to boot.

French: Simularbre is a combination of simuler and arbre, the latter of which means 'tree'. Surely I don't have to explain to you guys what simuler means, right?

German: Mogelbaum is a conjunction of mogeln and Baum (the Germans have a tendency to capitalize their nouns), which mean 'to cheat' and 'tree', respectively. Additionally, Bonsly's German name is Mobai.

Korean: Kkojimo (꼬지모) is a combination of keojit or geojit, meaning 'lie' or 'falsehood', and the Korean word for 'tree', mok. Aditionally, the Korean name for Bonsly is Kkojiji
(꼬지지).

Brock licking Sudowoodo, because he likes being weird. I guess
it's effective, because Sudowoodo hates water (and wet things in
general). This scene is from "Type Casting"; season 4, episode 5.

Still think Sudowoodo should be a grass type? I don't - never have, in fact. Sudowoodo is supposed to be a rock thing pretending to be a tree, but it's not an actual tree in the slightest, so it would have made no sense at all if Game Freak had given it the grass type. It would have helped boost Wood Hammer, but that is a strong physical grass-type move in itself, anyway. And with the ability Rock Head, Sudowoodo wouldn't even have to take recoil damage from it, so it can hit the opponent without damaging itself. Sturdy is handy as well, but this ability would only come in handy when you want to guarantee that Stealth Rock will be set up. Don't even look at Rattled, because that is a dumb ability. It raises Sudowoodo's speed by one stage when it is hit by a bug-, dark- or ghost-type move, but its speed is already quite abhorrent, so it doesn't need Rattled. Fortunately, it is very physically defensive, so if you watch out for special attackers you can run a Life Orb or Choice Band set with Rock Slide (or Stone Edge, but that move is less accurate), Wood Hammer, Earthquake and Hammer Arm. It also learns Sucker Punch to catch opponents by surprise, while the elemental punches might be feasible options as well. Just be aware that Rock Head doesn't prevent recoil from the Life Orb, only from regular moves like Double-Edge.

Sudowoodo has always been an intriguing Pokémon to me, although it is not a particularly good Pokémon. Nonetheless, I like it a lot, even though it's such a shame Game Freak had to give it a stupid pre-evolution.

Rating: 4.5/5

#142: Aerodactyl

Yo, what is it with these prehistoric Pokémon being so fucking VICIOUS?

Amazingly dark fan art of Aerodactyl. 

Now, if we take a look at its Pokédex entries, it becomes clear that Aerodactyl was a carnivore living in the dinosaur era. Due to its ferocious attitude and sharp serrated fangs it was able to tear enemies apart, often charging at their throats. Even back then it was fearsome, gliding high in the skies while shrieking high-pitched cries. Even the Pokémon who lived during that era were terrified of Aerodactyl, which is clearly shown in the anime: in the 46th episode of the first season, "Attack of the Prehistoric Pokémon", Ash, Pikachu and Team Rocket become stuck in a cave after joining the Fossil Rush (which is basically a fossil excavation competition) and soon find themselves chased by Omanyte, Omastar, Kabuto and Kabutops, who were awoken by the explosion caused by Team Rocket. However, the fossil Pokémon run even deeper into the cave, and it soon becomes evident why: they are scared of Aerodactyl, who swoops in and knocks down Ash's disobedient Charmeleon. Aerodactyl then firmly grabs Ash with its claws, flying out of the cave with Pikachu and Charmeleon being able to jump onto its back just in time. Once out it drops Pikachu and Charmeleon, and the latter, who was annoyed by Aerodactyl earlier, wants to battle it, only to get angry because it gets taunted by the prehistoric Pokémon. This event is important, because it triggers evolution in Charmeleon, who changes into Charizard in order for it to fight Aerodactyl in the sky. Ultimately, that annoying-ass Jigglypuff saves the day, making everyone - including Aerodactyl - fall asleep. Except for Charizard, of course, who puts its fingers in its ears and saves a falling Ash from a painful death.

Some more dark fan art of Aerodactyl. I think eerie area's, like
this volcanic area, are perfect to help show Aerodactyl's
personality. 

The fact that even Omstar and Kabutops - who aren't really the definition of adorable, to say the least - are scared of Aerodactyl means that it was a ferocious hunter that even other carnivores were afraid of. It even looked ferocious, as its newly-discovered Mega evolution (well, it's been around for approximately two and a half years, but you get my point) shows it how it looked like 65+ million years, before it became fossilized. But rather than being able to get revived from a regular fossil, it can be resurrected from an Old Amber. That sounds weird, as the Old Amber looks nothing like Aerodactyl at all, but reviving it happens by extracting DNA from amber first. That is something different than getting resurrected from an entire fossil, and maybe that's why regular Aerodactyl doesn't resemble its original prehistoric counterpart. Some parts of a genetic code can often get broken or lost during all those years, even though Aerodactyl's DNA is preserved in the best possible ways. Even in Jurassic Park, which I consider nothing more than science fiction, the genetic codes of dinosaurs had to be filled up by reptilian or amphibian DNA to make up for the DNA that got lost.

Official art of Mega Aerodactyl, drawn by Ken
Sugimori. 

But this is not a biology lesson. The big question is, 'How does Aerodactyl fare in the competitive scene?' Well, not bad at all. With base 135 attack, base 150 speed and the ability Tough Claws (which boosts the power of contact moves by 33%) as Mega Aerodactyl, it is a force to be reckoned with. This Pokémon has access to a variety of physical-based moves such as Iron Head, the elemental fangs, Crunch, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Dragon Claw, Earthquake, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail, although it lacks some good physical STAB flying-type moves. Both Sky Attack and Fly require a turn to charge, even though the former works great if you give Aerodactyl a Power Herb to hold instead of the Aerodactylite, and moves like Wing Attack and Aerial Ace are only okay after a Tough Claws boost. At least they're potent enough, but it's a bit of a shame. Anyway, Aerodactyl's huge movepool gets even better, with Hone Claws to increase its attack and accuracy by one stage each (nice in conjunction with Stone Edge) and Roost to heal half of its HP. There are so many possible move combinations you can make that there isn't even room in this paragraph to mention them all. Just do whatever works best for you, as you can't go wrong with Mega Aerodactyl anyway, but make sure you're slapping a Jolly nature on it in order for it to make full use of its outstanding speed stat. Also, I'd recommend to stay shy of running a so-called 'bulky' Mega Aerodactyl, because that is just a waste of its potential. Well, in my opinion, at least... Besides, regular Aerodactyl are pretty fragile and are most often used as a 'suicide lead', setting up Stealth Rock and using Taunt to prevent opponents from removing said rocks with Defog, providing it survives the foe's hit first (a Focus Sash would come in handy here).

I can't get enough of this kind of art. It looks so pretty... 

I absolutely love Aerodactyl, especially its Mega. When I was a little kid, I was completely into dinosaurs and my mother let me watch Jurassic Park over and over and over again, although it was a couple of years after the movie came out. I was more in awe with all those dinosaurs running around than I was scared of what they were actually doing. My fascination with dinosaurs lives ever on, and the fact that Aerodactyl is based on a pterodactyl (a genus of pterosaurs) makes me love this thing even more. In 2014, paleontologists even named a species of pterosaur after this Pokémon, aerodactylus scolopaciceps, which makes Aerodactyl the only Pokémon to have a species/genus named after it. Reasons enough to give it a perfect rating, right?

Rating: 5/5

#140 - #141: Kabuto & Kabutops

Official art of Kabuto, by Ken Sugimori.

Kabuto and Kabutops are the second set of fossil Pokémon, and quite honestly they are more interesting than the fossil Pokémon that preceded them in the National Pokédex. For the story about Lord Helix and Lord Dome I refer you to Omanyte and Omastar's entry, because I'm not going to tell the same damn story twice. Now, the most interesting thing about Kabuto is that is seems to be based on an ancient creature called the horseshoe crab, a species that has lived on Earth for at least 450 million years and are still to be found in our oceans and on certain beaches. Because of this trait, horseshoe crabs are considered 'living fossils', which is a term to describe living species that appear to be similar to species we otherwise know only from fossils. The curious thing is that Kabuto's Pokédex entries say that it lived eons ago but that it has now gone extinct, something the anime contradicts. You see, in the ninth episode of the second season of the anime, "Shell Shock!", Ash and his friends arrive on an uninhabited island where scientist are seeking to excavate Kabuto fossils after the discovery of one of said fossils. Ash, Misty and Tracey (who temporarily replaced Brock in the Orange Islands saga) join the expedition, but it is soon discovered that they are being sabotaged by an old man named Umberto, who warns them of a prophecy that impies that disturbing the Kabuto who inhabit the island will cause the island to be swallowed by the sea. And just upon discovering a cave full of Kabuto fossils, Team Rocket arrives and throws a bomb, which Ash catches and throws at the fossils. Of course, this wakes the Kabuto up and they fall from the walls of the cave, causing the island to sink into the ocean, since the fossils kept it together.

This is a horseshoe crab, a creature that has lived on this planet for a whopping
450 million years. Now tell me that, except for the tail-like thing, this is not what
Kabuto is based on.

So, it can be assumed that the Kabuto in this episode were in some state of hibernation, coming to life when they were disturbed by the people visiting the island. It's a quite literal interpretation of the term 'living fossil', but at least it's clear that Kabuto is based on the horseshoe crab (and maybe a little bit on the extinct group of arthropods called trilobites). Additionally, kabuto is the Japanese word for a type of helmet first used by ancient Japanese warriors and that later became a part of the traditional Japanese armor worn by samurai. Interesting, because Kabuto looks nothing like such a helmet.

An attacking Kabutops. I feel sorry for its prey.

But what about Kabutops, Kabuto's evolution? Well, all I can say is that Kabutops is not based on the horseshoe crab like its pre-evolution is. Instead, Kabutops shares traits with trilobites (specifically the cheirurus genus), especially the spines down its back and its cephalon, which look like the segments of trilobites. The sickle-like arms, however, imply that Kabutops is also based on eurypterids, extinct prehistoric arthropods that looked a little like trilobites but were armed with claws instead. They are believed to have been more closely related to horseshoe crabs than trilobites, but the comparison of Kabutops with horseshoe crabs ends right there. As for its flavor, Kabutops is much scarier than its pre-evolution: before it went extinct, it was in the process of evolving from an excellent swimmer into a land dweller in order to catch prey that had already evolved into land-dwelling species, but once it had its prey, Kabutops ripped it apart with its scythes and drank their internal fluids.

Yikes. That's about as gross as Omastar cracking a Shellder's shell open and sucking its insides out. Man, these prehistoric Pokémon were SAVAGE!

More fan art. Man, do I love this thing.

Unfortunately, Kabutops is not as savage as I'd like it to be in the competitive scene. However, it has access to some nifty moves, among which Swords Dance and a water-type Quick Attack: Aqua Jet. It learns it naturally as a Kabuto, and with an attack stat like Kabutops's and an attack boost from Swords Dance, it can hit pretty hard, making Kabutops an excellent sweeper. For the good physical moves you shouldn't take a look at its level-up movepool, though, because most of the attacks it learns are pretty booty, except for Night Slash. But TMs and Move Tutors really help it out here: it can learn Brick Break, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, X-Scissor, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Superpower and Knock Off. For a competitive Kabutops, I'd recommend running an Adamant or Jolly one with maxed out EVs in attack and speed, a Life Orb to help boost its power, the Battle Armor ability to prevent random critical hits, and a moveset consisting of Swords Dance, Aqua Jet, Stone Edge and either Knock Off or a stronger physical water-type move like Waterfall (for having a chance to flinch the opponent) or Aqua Tail (for more power). And that's a safe set. Its Swift Swim ability is very handy when the rain is up and it will make Kabutops hard to outspeed, while Weak Armor lowers its defense each time it is hit by a physical move in exchange for an increase in its speed. Alternatively, Kabutops can learn both Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin; the former to set up an entry hazard and the latter to remove entry hazards. I wouldn't recommend either, just because I like to use Kabutops as a powerhouse, but it's your call.

All in all, I think Kabuto and Kabutops are a lot more interesting than Omanyte and Omastar, and I especially love Kabutops. But even these trilobite Pokémon are outclassed by a certain prehistoric Gen. I Pokémon that I love even more, mainly because of its Mega evolution. Nonetheless, Kabutops gets an excellent rating from me, just half a star shy of a perfect rating.

Rating: 4.5/5

#138 - #139: Omanyte & Omastar

During 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', the Helix Fossil was often
treated as a deity.

Omanyte and Omastar are the first Pokémon in the National Pokédex that can be revived from fossils. That is the only way to obtain such fossil Pokémon, excluding the method of breeding. Usually, you can choose only one from two different fossils in any pair of games (except Gold and Silver, which introduced no new fossil Pokémon), although the availability of fossils has heavily increased since Diamond and Pearl, because they became regular items in the bag rather than key items. You can obtain the following fossils: Helix Fossil (Omanyte) and Dome Fossil (Kabuto) in Red and Blue, Root Fossil (Lileep) and Claw Fossil (Anorith) in Ruby and Sapphire, Skull Fossil (Cranidos) and Armor Fossil (Shieldon) in Diamond and Pearl, Cover Fossil (Tirtouga) and Plume Fossil (Archen) in Black and White, and Jaw Fossil (Tyrunt) and Sail Fossil (Amaura) in X and Y. Additionally, Aerodactyl can be restored from the Old Amber as of Gen. I. There is no doubt the fossils have become a staple feature in every new generation, and I think Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon won't be an exception.

Lord Helix blessing someone.

But the Helix Fossil rose to fame during 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', in which multiple players (the Hive Mind) could insert certain commands at the same time in attempts to steer player character Red, causing a giant mess. Red was able to choose the Helix Fossil from two possible fossils, though, and after the bag was opened in battles by the Hive Mind multiple times, the Helix Fossil was constantly selected because it was the item in the first slot. The Hive Mind saw this as Red 'consulting' the Helix Fossil and thus the storyline of Lord Helix and the Church of Helix religion was created: the God of Anarchy (Lord Helix) was in a war against the God of Democracy (Lord Dome), and when Red chose to carry along the Helix Fossil, this gave the Helix an advantage over the Dome. Angered by this, the Dome tried to sabotage Red's journey in many possible ways, almost succeeding in it: Eevee evolved into Flareon instead of Vaporeon, which led the Hive Mind to take a forced trip to the PC. This went horribly wrong, however, as Abby the Charmeleon and Jay Leno the Rattata, two of TPP's favorite Pokémon, were released and Bird Jesus and the Helix Fossil were deposited into the PC.

Many people saw this as Lord Dome tricking Red into accepting the use of Democracy, which refers to an event in real life: after 24 hours without progress, the person who streamed the game replaced the Anarchy system with the Democracy system. The Hive Mind, thinking TPP was about having fun with complete randomness, rioted by sending no other inputs than 'start9' and the Anarchy system was brought back. Some time later, Bird Jesus returned to the team, Lord Helix was retrieved from the PC again, and Flareon was released. This is seen as Red overcoming the Dome's influence, as the Helix was guiding him once more. To top it off, the Helix Fossil was revived at Cinnabar Island and Omastar became an important team member, responsible for Red defeating the Elite 4 and the Champion.

A fossil of an ammonite, an extinct group of mollusks that
Omanyte is based on.

Whew, that's a long story for such an insignificant Pokémon, right? Well, I'm not done yet. The facts that Omanyte can't be caught in the wild and can only be obtained by reviving the Helix Fossil mean that it has gone extinct somewhere in the past, right? Well, yes. Omanyte and its evolution Omastar are actually based on an extinct group of mollusks called ammonites. Omanyte's name is even a corruption of this word. Omanyte is believed to have lived tens of thousands of years ago, swimming about using its tentacles and regulating its buoyancy by storing and releasing air using its several gas-filled chambers in its shell. However, it was Omastar's fault the species has gone extinct: whereas Omanyte only ate plankton, Omastar's heavy shell hindered it in praying on larger things such as Shellder. But once it ensnared its prey, it never let go; even the hard shells of prehistoric Shellder stood no match against Omastar's powerful and deadly bite, and they were quickly made a meal of by having their insides sucked out.

Ew, that's actually really gross.

Luckily, no such thing happens in the games. And Omastar has never truly been hindered by its stats either, as they are actually pretty decent. Okay, its HP and special defense could be better, but its special attack and defense are actually really great. It's also not very fast, although not as sluggish as its Pokédex entries suggest, but there's a very handy way to get around that: Shell Smash. This move increases Omastar's attack, special attack and speed stats by two stages each and lowers its defense and special defense by one stage each. Give it a White Herb to hold and it'll restore any negative stat changes from Shell Smash, too (only once, though). This strategy makes Omastar a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it's supposed to be a fast late-game sweeper with moves such as Hydro Pump, Surf, Ice Beam, Ancient Power, Earth Power and Hidden Power, so a Timid nature to boost its speed and the Shell Armor ability to prevent critical hits from occurring are recommended. Swift Swim doubles Omastar's speed stat in rain and can be used on rain teams, but it kinda contradicts Omastar's entire flavor. Alternatively, it can be used as an entry hazard setter with a Focus Sash, but I'd recommend a bulkier Pokémon like Ferrothorn to do that (Iron Barbs/Rocky Helmet combo!).

All in all, there are quite some things that make Omanyte and Omastar stand out to other Pokémon, even though it looks a bit insignificant. It's a bit of a shame that this whole 'gone extinct' thing has been done over and over again by adding new fossil Pokémon every generation from Ruby and Sapphire onwards. But I still like Omastar, you know, just not as much as the two fossil Pokémon I will discuss shortly.

Rating: 4/5

#111 - #112, #464: Rhyhorn, Rhydon & Rhyperior

Early concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. Depicted are Rhydon
and its Trainer. 

I don't care about Rhyhorn. I really don't. I mean, I don't think it's a bad Pokémon by any means and I definitely don't hate it, but I just consider it pre-evolution number something. Add to that its uninteresting flavor (it's stupid, starts running in one direction due to its short legs, forgets why and keeps running like a headless chicken until it falls asleep or crashes into something and remembers why it had started dashing off in the first place) and you make me want to start talking about its evolution Rhydon. Why? Well, you'd expect the first Pokémon to have ever been created to be Bulbasaur or Pikachu, right? Well, no. Bulbasaur might be number one in the Kanto and National Pokédexes, but it is not the first Pokémon that Satoshi Tajiri has come up with. Neither was Pikachu, as the notorious yellow mouse wasn't even meant to be Ash's sidekick in the first place (Clefairy was), let alone the mascot of the entire damn franchise. No, according to interviews with Ken Sugimori - who creates the official Pokémon artworks - and early drafts of Capsule Monsters, as Pokémon was initially called when Satoshi Tajiri proposed its design concept to Nintendo, Rhydon was the first Pokémon to have ever been created.

Another concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. At the bottom left corner, you can
see a Rhydon standing or sitting at a fountain, together with its Trainer.

Yup, the whole hype started with Rhydon, a rhinoceros Pokémon that doesn't have any special role in the games, anime or manga whatsoever. This theory is further supported as Rhydon was the first Pokémon coded into Red and Blue, and as a result its index number in Gen. I is 001. It's actually too bad that its characteristics are a little bland and just don't meet up to the excitement of Rhydon being the first ever Pokémon to have been created. It is physically strong and has an armor-like hide that can withstand heat and physical blows, according to the Pokédex. Well yeah, that's quite apparent when you take a look at it. It has also been seen toppling over buildings with a sweep from its tail, which strongly reminds me of a certain trait of Nidoking's. Okay, Rhydon was probably the first one to have received that trait from Game Freak, but still... And mentioning that standing on its hind legs made it smarter only to say that it is still very forgetful in the very same Pokédex entry is a little bit contradictory, isn't it? RIGHT, Game Freak? The only interesting thing is that the horn Rhydon uses as a drill can crush uncut diamonds. Seriously, it takes some power to crush a diamond.

Little figurines of Rhyhorn (front) and Rhydon (back).

But then along came Rhyperior. Introduced in Gen. IV, along with some other - often horrendous - evolutions of Pokémon that already existed before that, Rhyperior is indeed superior. Having Rhydon a Protector to hold then trading it off is the method to evolve it; this method is a little tedious, but it pays off, because Rhyperior is an awesome-looking powerhouse! It even has cannon things as arms, which it uses to launch Geodude with. Like, what? Well, it actually fires ordinary rocks from its arms by tightening then expanding its muscles instantly, hence it is able to learn Rock Wrecker, a rock-type Hyper Beam. Remember Geodude, Graveler and Golem's entry, when I said that Geodude are often mistaken for ordinary rocks? Well, I guess Rhyperior is facing the same problem when it's looking for rocks it can shoot from its missile launchers to its heart's content. Also, its carapace can withstand any actual volcanic eruption, which is even more impressive than Rhydon being able to live in molten lava of 3,600°F.

Now, can you SEE how awesome Rhyperior is?

In the competitive scene, though, Rhyperior can't withstand many special hits, as its special defense is close to terrible and most fire-type moves are special-based. However, there are several ways to make use of Rhyperior. With its excellent HP, attack and defense, being 115, 140 and 130 respectively, it is already a physical tank and powerhouse, which allows you to invest in its HP and subpar special defense to create an all-out defensive tank with quite some offensive power left, too. Leftovers for a little recovery every turn completes the set. Another way: the move Rock Polish raises Rhyperior's speed stat by two stages and is great in conjunction with a Jolly nature and speed investment, which allows Rhyperior to take an attempt at sweeping, especially when it manages to get a Swords Dance off as well. This is completely optional, although you should give it a Life Orb for some extra power. Of course, the best way to make use of Rhyperior is to max out its monstrous attack stat by rocking (pun intended) a Choice Band Rhyperior with an Adamant nature. Murder guaranteed. Just make sure you're always using one with Solid Rock as its ability, as this reduces super-effective damage by ¼. That might come in handy when it gets hit by a water- or grass-type move, to which it normally has quadruple weaknesses. Lightning Rod is absolutely garbage, because it draws in electric-type attacks to which Rhyperior is immune to due to its primary ground typing, anyway. Its immunity takes precedence over its ability anyway, so the special attack boost from Lightning Rod won't even occur, unless it is holding a Ring Target. You don't want a special attack boost anyway, because its special attack is abysmal. Lastly, the ability Reckless powers up moves from which Rhyperior takes recoil damage. It seems nice at first glance, but you're not going to use Take Down by any means, so leave that ability be.

AAAAAAAHHH, LOOK AT HIM GOOOOO!!! :D

Naturally, almost every set should contain the moves Stone Edge and Earthquake, a combination that is often infamously referred to as EdgeQuake, but Rock Blast can be considered to break through substitutes and punish Focus Sash users. Fortunately, Rhyperior is blessed with a crazy diverse movepool to fill in some loose spots. Megahorn is commonly used in competitive play, as are Ice Punch and Aqua Tail. Hammer Arm, Poison Jab, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Crunch, Dragon Rush, Outrage, Iron Tail, Iron Head, the elemental fangs and Superpower are viable options for type coverage, while Dragon Tail is a somewhat weak move that makes Rhyperior go last but forces the opponent to switch out. You can even give Stealth Rock to it if you take the defensive approach. However, which combination of moves and item you use depends heavily on which tier you're fighting in and which Pokémon you're facing. And if Rhyperior falls short for you, you can just use a Rhydon with an Eviolite attached to it, so it is guaranteed to tank hits.

On my previous blog, I placed Rhydon at number 48 on my list of favorite Pokémon, just because it is the first drafted Pokémon. Yeah, I might have exaggerated a little bit with that. Since then, its evolution Rhyperior has grown a lot on me and I have come to absolutely adore this Pokémon. Of all the Gen. IV evolutions of already existing Pokémon, Rhyperior is BY FAR THE BEST. It probably won't surprise you I'm giving it a perfect rating!

Rating: 5/5

#95, #208: Onix & Steelix

The Crystal Onix from "The Crystal Onix", the 87th
episode of the Pokémon anime. 

No, I am NOT going to talk about Onix. I refuse.

Shit, I said I'd talk about all Pokémon, didn't I?

Well, to start with, Onix's stats are pretty terrible: except for its defense stat, its stats are all booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. And although you can't say I hate or despise it, it is such an uninteresting Pokémon with an even more uninteresting flavor to it. A giant ground snake that digs tunnels? Yeah, I'm not impressed. Okay, it has a magnet in its brain that prevents it from losing its sense of direction while tunneling, but that is pretty much it. The only thing about Onix that might be interesting enough is the Crystal Onix episode from the Orange Archipelago era. In this episode, Ash, Misty and Tracey end up on Sunburst Island, which is famous for its artists and glassblowers. They meet Mateo, a shopkeeper whose products are of lower quality than the sculptures of other glass makers on the island. In order to find inspiration, Mateo seeks to capture the legendary Crystal Onix, but after they find it and battle it, he realizes that just seeing the special Onix has inspired him. The most curious thing is - despite the fact that Onix are rock/ground-type Pokémon and are thus four times weak to water - that the Crystal Onix can withstand water because of its glass skin. It is weak to fire instead, which regular Onix resist.

Some pretty good papercraft of Steelix.

But that is just one anime episode and doesn't prevent Onix from still being an awful Pokémon stat-wise. However, when you give Onix a Metal Coat to hold and trade it to another game, it evolves into a much better and more fascinating Pokémon: Steelix! Steelix's diamond-hard and magnetic steel body can resist heat (despite it still being weak to fire in the video games) and makes it able to dig towards the Earth's core. The most interesting thing is the change in its primary typing: all of the iron in the soil and rocks Steelix has swallowed as an Onix have accumulated and have caused its body to compress underground, which is why its body is harder than diamond or any other metal. Steelix is, as its name suggests, a primary steel type, as opposed to Onix being a primary rock type. This comes with a more-than-excellent defense stat, a large set of resistances (eight, to be exact) and two immunities (Steelix is still part ground, which makes it immune to electric-type moves). Game Freak even blessed Steelix with the most awesome Mega evolution I have seen thus far.

Mega Steelix's official art.

And that undoubtedly makes Steelix the best powerhouse and defensive wall in the RU tier, and maybe the best overall, barring any legendary Pokémon. Upon Mega-evolving, its already outstanding defense stat becomes even more outstanding, and it even gets a little special bulk behind it. Its very decent base 95 special defense stat gives you the option to run a Steelix with a Careful nature or invest in special defense EVs (or both), as Mega Steelix's physical defense is high enough as is. Being perfectly able to take a hit, Mega Steelix is arguably the best Stealth Rock user, and being the fifth heaviest Pokémon in the game, Heavy Slam - one of its staple moves - does massive damage to most Pokémon. Its other staple move is its STAB Earthquake, which hits Pokémon that are resistant to steel for neutral damage (water) or super-effective damage (fire, electric, steel). This is where you choose to have Toxic to whittle down physically bulkier foes, Roar to force opponents to switch so that they can't set up with stat-increasing moves, or Stone Edge, Crunch, Aqua Tail or even Iron Head/Iron Tail for coverage or more reliable damage. You can even go for Sandstorm, because steel-, ground- and rock-type moves get a 30% boost from Mega Steelix's ability Sand Force when a sandstorm is raging on the battlefield.

And while we're at it, a regular Steelix (before you Mega-evolve it) should have Sturdy, which prevents it from getting OHKO'd while at full health. Rock Head prevents recoil damage, but the only move Steelix gets that benefits from that is Double-Edge. Lastly, its hidden ability Sheer Force ignores additional effects of move (like flinching or stat reduction) of moves for a little extra power, but you want Steelix to Mega-evolve as soon as possible anyway, so you'll barely have the chance to make use of it.

Wow, this piece of fan art of Jasmine and her Mega Steelix is GORGEOUS!

I absolutely love, love, LOVE Mega Steelix and it is by far my favorite Mega evolution. It always looked like some kind of mineral-like spikes were about to protrude from Steelix's body, which they technically already did, but finally Mega-evolving has caused its cells to crystallize and made the prism-like crystalline spikes to burst from it. What's more, Mega Steelix now has its own gravitational orbit, causing metallic-looking scraps to constantly rotate around its neck. These scraps act to its movements and change position when it attacks. I mean, how cool is that? To top all that, Steelix's polished steel body makes its shiny form look more like actual gold, which makes it one of the most effective shinies to date. After all this praise, it probably comes at no surprise that I will give Steelix a perfect rating, just for being a perfect Pokémon.

Rating: 5/5