#379: Registeel

This is one way to make Registeel look alien. Nice job.

You'd probably think that I, as a huge fan of steel types, would consider Registeel the best and most interesting Regi, but nothing could be further from the truth: I actually think Registeel is quite bland and boring. However, it has to be said that it has a relatively smooth design compared to the other Regi things, and that has everything to do with the fact that Registeel's body has been tempered by underground pressure for thousands of years. It was made of a material that is sturdier than any metal known to mankind, is able to stretch and shrink despite its hardness, cannot be scratched or damaged in any way, and is thought to be a curious substance that is nowhere to be found on Earth. On top of that, Registeel apparently has a hollow body and it has never been seen eating, so it's a mystery to modern scientists what this Pokémon consumes exactly. Unlike with Regirock and Regice, Game Freak are keeping us in the dark about the source material of Registeel's body; the thing is just that I love Regirock's imperfectly craggy design and Regice's badass flavor, so I don't see why Registeel should get more love than its... siblings, I guess? Can you even call them siblings? Does that make Regigigas their Daddy?

Hell, who cares?

What's more, in the non-English European versions of Diamond and Pearl, Reisteel's sprite was edited due to the position of its arm resembling a Nazi salute. The sprite was changed for all regions from Pokémon Platinum onwards, but it had already caused quite the controversy by then.

Registeel doing... something with magnetism, even though
there's nothing in its flavor that indicates it is capable of messing
around with that? Then again, it's a steel-type legendary, so it's
probably capable of doing stuff we had no idea it could do in the
first place.

In Registeel's defense, though, it is probably a lot better competitively. While its base 80 HP stat and base 150 defenses provide it incredible bulk, its very mediocre offensive presence means it may have to rely on Seismic Toss for dealing damage, which can only be learned via a Move Tutor in FireRed, LeafGreen and Emerald. If you are not willing to go out of your way to transfer your Registeel from Ruby or Sapphire to FireRed or LeafGreen, teach it Seismic Toss there and let it travel through three different generations (excluding Gen. VI, because the Poké Transporter just stores your Pokémon from Black and White in a box in Pokémon Bank, which is compatibe with Sun and Moon), a STAB move like Iron Head or Flash Cannon is probably a much better option. In any case, Registeel is most commonly used for Toxic stalling and setting up Stealth Rock, so those moves along with Protect ensure a solid but uninspired moveset. It's proved to be an effective moveset as any, and Registeel is probably better at it than certain other Pokémon, so there is absolutely no reason to sulk over that. You could even stir things up with Thunder Wave instead. Nonetheless, there are other sets to try out, including a Curse set that powers up its STAB Iron Head. You could round it out with a Rest/Sleep Talk combo or just all-out offensive moves like Hammer Arm, Superpower, Earthquake, Shadow Claw, Rock Slide, Ice Punch and Thunder Punch, but the drawback of the latter option is that Registeel doesn't have much offensive presence in the first place, like I said earlier - although at a base 75, neither its attack nor its special attack is terrible. Regardless, it's better to go with a support moveset backed up by Levitate and a defensive nature (Careful, Calm, Impish, Bold, Sassy and Relaxed are all excellent options, depending on whether you want to run Iron Head or Flash Cannon - or simply both), so that it at least has something useful to do; something it's good at.

Regice (left), Registeel (middle) and Regirock (right) going wild, by the look of it.
They even don't look as stiff as they always do. 

And that's pretty much the end of the Regi thingsies for now. I won't be discussing Regigigas after this, because I'm reviewing all Pokémon in National Dex order and Regigigas wasn't introduced until Gen. IV. It's not an evolution of any of the three, either, so you won't be seeing it here until I've finished Gen. III and the largest part of Gen. IV. For now, I'll have to rate Registeel, and I think I'll go with a more-than-average 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#374 - #376: Beldum, Metang & Metagross

Beldum emerging from its Heavy Ball, a ball used
for catching heavier Pokémon.

Okay, now we're talking pseudo-legendaries. Metagross is actually one of only two I absolutely adore (the other one being Hydreigon), which should not be surprising to you in the least, because Metagross is a badass-looking steel-type Pokémon and y'all probably know by now that steel is my favorite of all 18 types.

Like all other pseudos, however, Matagross has to go through its infant stage, and that's exactly the right way to describe Beldum. You'll have to baby it in order for it to evolve, because literally the only move it learns by level-up is Take Down, which isn't even a STAB move and does recoil damage in return. That's not to say there isn't anything noteworthy to say about Beldum; on the contrary, really, bacause its flavor is far more interesting than its generational pseudo-legendary counterpart Bagon. Despite being a mechanical creature, this little dumbbell Pokémon - although its appearance is more reminiscent of some kind of surveillance camera, which is only strengthened by its trait of using the claws on its rear end to anchor itself to walls or ceilings in order to get some rest - still has emotions, the need to eat and sleep, and a way of reproducing. Its body lacks blood, however, and it is instead powered by magnetism: by emitting magnetic waves to repel the Earth's magnetic field, it is able to levitate (it doesn't have access to the ability with the same name, though), and it uses magnetism to move, communicate, hunt and control its attacks. Well, the only attack that it has, that is, unless you have an event shiny Beldum with moves like Iron Head and Zen Headbutt.

Metang's arms are rotated backwards when traveling, so that it
can reach speeds of over 60 miles per hour. 

Fortunately, you won't have to put up with Beldum for too long, as it evolves into Metang at level 20, the earliest of any pseudo-legendary basic stage. Metang is said to form when two Beldum merge, but there is no visible evidence of that - much like with Magneton. In any case, the brains of the fused Beldum are joined by a magnetic nervous system, allowing Metang to generate strong psychokinetic power and enhance its intelligence. Furthermore, its steel body is so strong that even a collision with a jet - as it's still able to hover in mid-air using magnetism - won't leave a scratch on it. But however clever Metang may be, this thing ain't got nothing on its evolution Metagross: whereas Metang is the result of two Beldum fusing together, Metagross is the result of two Metang fusing together, leaving Metagross with a total of four brains. These brains are all connected by a complex network of neurons, which makes Metagross capable of breezing through difficult calculations that it uses to analyze its opponents during battles. In short, Metagross is more intelligent than a supercomputer. How awesome is that?

Steven Stone is a collector of rare minerals and gemstones, so I
like the more 'natural' approach of Metagross here. 

Why, 12-year-old me definitely didn't think much of it. In fact, for the longest time I thought most of the Hoenn Pokémon were the worst, just because the creators had deviated from the 'basic' designs we'd come to know and love so much - at least in my opinion. Game Freak went way overboard with the designs for the Hoenn Pokémon, partly due to Gen. III being the first generation in which everybody at the company was able to submit their own ideas for new Pokémon, if I remember correctly. A lot of players took a dislike to these outlandish new Pokémon designs, and I wasn't an exception. I just dashed through the game with my starter and Kyogre, and that was it. That's what I did when starting a new adventure, anyway; it wasn't until Diamond and Pearl that I started creating balanced teams of six Pokémon. Hence, I never paid much attention to Metagross and its pre-evolutions. They looked too robotic and inorganic to my taste, so Metagross actually only came to my attention when I caught a Metang in my Black 2 playthrough. I evolved it, of course, and it literally fucked people up. Since then, I have come to appreciate Metagross a whole lot more, battle-wise as well as design-wise, and now it is actually very high up on my list of favorite Pokémon. And rightfully so, because who wouldn't want a hyperintelligent mechanical arachnid to command around, right? It's better to get this thing on your side in the first place, because you wouldn't want to be hunted down by this thing: it uses its extremely heavy body (at 1,212 pounds, Metagross is heavier than your average Snorlax, yo) to pin down its prey and then eats the helpless victim using the large mouth on its stomach. Being eaten alive by a supercomputer... that's one of the most inglorious ways to go down, if you ask me.

Badass Metagross is badass.

Guess who my favorite Pokémon League
character is?

The best thing about it is that this thing has a Mega evolution, despite its bullshit Pokédex entry from Sun stating that this Mega form 'results from one Metagross, one Metang and two Beldum linking up'. Yeah, right. At least Metagross gets even more badass by tucking away its legs to the back and creating a set of four giant arms with which it can fuck opponents up, so that's a plus. And with an attack stat of 145, the Tough Claws ability, a great psysical movepool, great defenses and a great defensive typing, Mega Metagross is indeed hard to take down. And because you won't retain the speed stat of the regular form in the turn you Mega-evolve your Pokémon anymore, like in Gen. VI, Mega Metagross has become dangerous to such an extent that it was immediately banned to Smogon's Uber tier. With no quadruple weaknesses and only its base 80 HP not exceeding 100 base points (it has base 145 attack, 150 defense, 105 special attack, 110 special defense and 110 speed), Mega Metagross matches a lot of legendary Pokémon in bulk and power. It suffers from the notorious four-moveslot syndrome, which means you won't be able to choose only four moves it can carry; its movepool is just that good. Meteor Mash and Zen Headbutt are excellent STAB moves, while Earthquake, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Hammer Arm, Rock Slide, Bullet Punch and Pursuit are all great options to consider filling the final two slots with. The only downside is that Metagross, and by extension Mega Metagross, doesn't have access to any good stat-boosting moves like Swords Dance or Dragon Dance or something (they're just examples), aside from maybe Power-Up Punch, which is a relatively weak non-STAB move and only boosts its attack by one stage each time it's used. Not worth it. You'll have to rely on Meteor Mash and pray the 20% chance of getting an attack boost comes through. And although its base 145 attack stat assures heavy damage output, it doesn't really help you'll need a Jolly nature in order to maximize Mega Metagross's speed stat and outspeed some of the legendary Pokémon in the tier.

Awesome Metagross is awesome.

In that regard, regular Metagross is better. Sure, its base 70 speed doesn't make it a fast Pokémon, but you can set up with Agility to make up for that if need be. And because it isn't very speedy in the first place, you can breed an Adamant nature onto it and let it hold a Life Orb or Choice Band, maximizing the damage output. You'll absolutely wreck house. And to hell with Intimidate users, because Clear Body prevents any stat reductions completely.

Like I said earlier, I absolutely adore this brutal-looking monstrosity now and I am so glad Game Freak decided to give it a Mega form, however overpowered it may be. I can't believe I didn't realize how badass Metagross actually is when I was just in my early teens, but I guess we've all come to get used to more extravagant and alien designs and have even started to really appreciate some of them. Let's face it, how fucking awesome does 'robot spider' sound?

Rating: 5/5

#304 - #306: Aron, Lairon & Aggron

Now, I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass, goddamn or flying fuck about Aron and Lairon, but MAN do I love Aggron.

Adorable little Aron being adorable on its rock.

Okay, I said I would talk about every Pokémon, so let's get Aron and Lairon out of the way, shall we? It's not like I hate these Pokémon, but I just wanna talk about Aggron and its pre-evolutions are really rather unremarkable. In fact, the whole line follows a pretty generic evolutionary path: cute first stage, awkward-looking middle stage and badass final stage, even making the big bad beast stand on its hind legs. Amphibian and reptiloid Pokémon do look better when they're bipedal, anyway. Look at Charizard, Nidoking and Rhyperior, for example; I can't ever imagine them being quadrupeds. For what it is, though, Aron ain't bad and I'd dare say it's pretty cute. A cute little pest at that, as extreme hunger will sometime drive it to descend from the mountains to eat bridges or rails - if it can't find any iron ore to feed on in its natural habitat, that is. Iron ore is running out there at a rapid pace, anyway, as this iron ore is also used by Aron to construct its steel body. While Aron may not look strong, one all-out carge can completely demolish a dump truck. Lairon discards the old steel carapace covering its body when it evolves and creates an entirely new armor of steel, sturdier and more effective; it uses its newly acquired armor to bash into others of its species over territory - sparks fly when that occurs, and the sound of their collision carries for miles - or just because it wants to show off its tremendous strength. It tempers its metallic body by drinking highly nutritious mineral springwater and eating rocks rich in iron until it is bloated/stuffed.

Lairon.

But neither of these Pokémon are as badass as Aggron. The longer its horns are, the older it is, and the more wounds Aggron has, the more it has battled; the gouges in its armor from the battles it's had are even worn as mementos. It claims an entire mountain as its territory and agressively defends it against anything or anyone, even mercilessly beating up humans if it has to. But if its mountain is ravaged by a landslide or fire, it will haul the best soil to the area and plant trees there, beautifully restoring its own territory. Isn't that all kinds of adorable? To put it with the words of Bogleech here: secretly, deep in its heart, Aggron is nothing more than a big old softie, even though it is based on the iron-eating monster Bulgasari from Korean mythology. Its pre-evolutions also seem to based on this creature, but less so, and the claim that they are somehow dragon-like - check out Lairon's namesake, the word 'dragon' is all over the place - is ridiculous to me. Sure, the entire line are defined by their saurian features, but that doesn't make them dragons; they're steel/rock types, not steel/dragon types, and Aggron's Mega evolution even loses the rock type to become a pure steel type. If anything, Lairon and Aggron look more like dinosaurs.

Some explosive fan art of Aggron (above) and its
Mega form (below). 

Competitively, Aggron can be a good asset to any team when used right. With its monstrous base 180 defense and excellent base 110 attack, it can hit hard and tank physical hits. Especially the combination of an Adamant nature, a Choice Band and the ability Rock Head, which prevents any recoil damage from moves that have exactly that as a side effect, allows it to deal massive damage with a move called Head Smash. You'll have to breed it onto Aron, but it'll be worth it. On top of that, Aggron has some excellent type coverage: Heavy Slam is a STAB steel-type move that deals more damage the heavier Aggron is compared to the opposing Pokémon - even though Iron Head and Smart Strike (a move that never misses) deal fixed damage and might be more reliable - and it has access to moves of various other types, such as Earthquake, Dragon Claw, Dragon Rush, Brick Break, Superpower, Low Kick, Aqua Tail and the elemental punches (Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and Fire Punch). If you use Mega Aggron, however, another strategy is required. Because it loses the rock typing to become a pure steel type, it also loses its quadruple weaknesses to ground and fighting, which is nice. Plus, the Filter ability lets super-effective damage do 25% less on Mega Aggron than normally, substantially making it even more bulky than it already is: base 230 defense is monstrous, even tying with Shuckle and Mega Steelix for the highest base defense stat, and its base 80 special defense is also quite passable. It likes to cripple opposing Pokémon with Thunder Wave, set up Stealth Rock so that opponents take a little damage depending on their types when they're switched in, deal heavy damage with a STAB Heavy Slam (pun most definitely intended), and tank physical hits like they're flies colliding with a windshield due to an Impish nature. Mega Aggron lacks any recovery other than Rest, but it has top-notch endurance in the first place, so you don't necessarily have to worry about that.

Mega Aggron in TCG art. If you still don't think it looks like a beast, you're gonna
have to have your eyes checked. 

I absolutely adore everything about Aggron, from its flavor and design to its Mega and competitive prowess. I think it embodies the term 'monster' perfectly, even more so than Pokémon like Tyranitar and Tyrantrum and the like, but maybe I'm a little biased in that regard. Steel is my favorite type in the games, and Aggron is everything a steel type should be like: its minimalistic color palette keeps its design from becoming too busy and focuses perfectly on the steel elements of said design. Aggron's Mega evolution is even one of my favorites as well, coming third after Steelix's (obviously also a steel type) and Pidgeot's. It'll come as no surprise to anyone that I'm giving this Pokémon a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#303: Mawile

A Sableye making itself comfortable in
Mawile's jaw. These two Pokémon are often
seen as counterparts.

Mawile can be seen as a counterpart to Sableye, whom I discussed exactly a week ago. Like Sableye, this Pokémon is quite unique, although it is based on yet another Japanese mythical being, so its basic form doesn't appeal to me as much as Sableye's basic form does, despite the fact that it's actually a steel type (I can't remember if I mentioned it already, but steel is my favorite of the 18 types currently available in the games). Mawile is based on the Japanese myth of the futakuchi-onna, literally 'two-mouthed woman'. This type of yōkai is characterized by her two mouths - a normal one and a second one located on the back of her head; or rather in the back of her head. The origin of this second mouth is pretty terrifying: in many stories, the soon-to-be futakuchi-onna is a wife of a miser and rarely eats. That's why a second mouth mysteriously appears in the back of the woman's head, often mumbling spiteful and threatening things to her and demanding food. If it's not fed, it can screech obscenely and cause the woman tremendous pain. Ultimately, though, the woman's long hair begins to move on its own like a pair of serpents, so that the second mouth can help itself to twice the amount of food the woman usually consumes. In other stories, the mouth forms from an axe wound she sustains accidentally or even because her own husband tries to murder her. The jaw on the back on Mawile's head, however, is just a set of transformed steel horns that Mawile uses to chomp its foes with after it lulls them out of wariness or into complacency with its docile-looking face. In other words, Mawile is a dangerous creature that likes to deceive people and other Pokémon, hence its classification as the 'Deceiver Pokémon'. Everything comes together when you look at the origins of Mawile's English and foreign names, too: a maw is the mouth of a voracious animal - an animal devouring great quantities of food - and a wile is a strategem or trick intended to deceive or ensnare, while its foreign names are all plays on 'jaw', 'mandible', 'lying' and 'cheating' and the like.

Mega Mawile. 

But Mawile's regular form is nothing compared to its Mega evolution, who suddenly has two sets of jaw-like appendages protruding from its head. While the single jaw is strong enough to chew through iron beams on itself, the pair of jaws can be controlled individually by Mega Mawile and boast tremendous power. Looking at Mega Mawile's ability and base attack stat, that should not come as a surprise: a base attack stat of 105 is already nothing to sneeze at, but the ability Huge Power will raise its physical prowess to ridiculous levels. When you have a Pokémon with a base attack stat of 105, perfect IVs, an attack-beneficial nature (Adamant, Lonely, Naughty and Brave) and EV training in said attack stat, its physical proficiency can be as high as 339 - a massive 678 when Huge Power is applied! This effectively makes Mega Mawile the strongest Pokémon in the game. In fact, its attack stat even exceeds the limit of 669 attack (255 base attack, as 255 is the highest possible 8-digit binary number), equalling a Pokémon with a base attack stat of 259. Mega Mawile's base stat total may be only 480 - the lowest among all Mega forms, along with Mega Sableye - but Huge Power made Smogon ban it from any competitive tier lower than Uber, the tier where powerful legendaries like Rayquaza, Lugia, Dialga, Reshiram and Zekrom reside as well. It is that strong.

Mawile standing next to its Poké Ball.

Unfortunately, Mega Mawile is more of a hit-and-run Pokémon. Its defense is great and its special defense is quite good, too, but its mediocre HP can't back up its good defensive stats and its speed is nothing to write home about. You can't do anything about its speed, either, because Mawile can't learn Agility or Autotomize and can't hold any stat-enhancing items such as the Choice Scarf because it needs to hold a Mega Stone to Mega-evolve. Then again, Mega Mawile has access to some excellent STAB moves like Iron Head and Play Rough (as of Gen. VI, Mawile is a fairy type in addition to its primary steel type), as well as some superb type coverage in Crunch, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Brick Break, Sucker Punch, Knock Off, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and the elemental fangs. The latter have a base power of 65 and are quite weak compared to moves that are usually used in the competitive scene, but Mega Mawile is so strong that I think it can pull them off quite well if you are in need of them, especially after a Swords Dance boost (yup, as if Huge Power combined with a base attack of 105 wasn't enough already, Mega Mawile can also sharply boost its attack with Swords Dance). As it's not fast to begin with, it's a given you should slap an Adamant nature on it, making it an absolute powerhouse. It even leaves huge dents in defensive teams, easily knocking out Pokémon in two or three hits that are not very effective on them.

Hey Mega Sableye, don't lose your big-ass gemstone. Its defensive qualities are
what makes you competitively viable in the first place. 

It's Mega Mawile's offensive prowess what makes me like this Pokémon in the first place, although I like its design more than regular Mawile's as well. The pink hakama (a type of Japanese garment) make it more reminiscent of the Japanese lore of the futakuchi-onna and also emphasize its fairy typing. Well, in my opinion, anyway. There are plenty of steel-type Pokémon that end up high on my list of favorite Pokémon - in fact, Aggron and its pre-evolutions are next on my rating list - but Mawile will have to do with 4.5 stars rather than 5, the same as Sableye.

+0.5 for originality and +1 for the awesome Mega.

Rating: 4.5/5

#299, #476: Nosepass & Probopass

Oh, nose! Not these Pokémon...

I'm not really looking forward to this review, to be honest. Probopass used to be my least favorite Pokémon along with Lickilicky, but I realized Lickilicky really is dumber and uglier and just rubs me the wrong way every time I'm looking at it, while my reaction to Probopass nowadays is more like, "Nah, not for me, thank you very much." A couple of weeks ago I realized that even Pelipper is worse than Probopass. Good GOD, if Sun and Moon don't make you despise Pelipper, I don't know what does...

Excellently papercraft Nosepass. 

Anyway, like with Lickilicky's pre-evo Lickitung, I must say I've never had a problem with Probopass's pre-evolution, Nosepass. In fact, Nosepass used to be a stand-alone rock-type Pokémon until it got this hideous evolution exactly one generation later. Like Lickitung, it is kind of mediocre, but at least it has kind of a cooler flavor and design to it, being based on a compass as well as on one of those mo'ai statues you can find on Easter Island. Its nose - based on the magnetic ethmoid bone that is located between the nasal cavity and the brain and is known to give specific species of birds their sense of direction - is always pointed northwards and exudes a strong magnetism that becomes even stronger in colder seasons; it even prevents Nosepass to face or go near others of its kind, because their noses repel each other. Not that they'd come very far, though, because Nosepass were thought to be completely unmoving until close observation has revealed that they actually move a little over ⅜ of an inch every year. If I could move so little every year without becoming Lickilicky, that would be absolutely astounding, but alas... At any rate, Nosepass is perfectly capable of sensing danger, and it raises the magnetism in its nose to draw iron objects to its body to protect itself (the same technique is used to capture prey), hence why Probopass acquires the steel typing upon evolution.

Official Sugimori art of Probopass. Now look at it and tell me that
the mustache doesn't look dumb. And that pukao makes it look
like it has some big red button on its head. This is such a shitty
design, i.m.o.

Yeah, Probopass... It's still based on a mo'ai statue, this time on a bigger one wearing a pukao, and iron filings that make it look like it has a mustache can clearly be seen beneath its humongous nose. I have a problem with those iron filings, because it's the fraudulent mustache that made me hate Probopass on Lickilicky levels. Of course, the iron filings are only present in its design because they're attracted to Probopass's tremendously magnetic nose, but along with that dumb pukao they also make its design unappealing. Like, big-time. It's a shame, really, because the concept of a compass rose (Probopass's main nose still faces the North, but it also freely controls and attacks with three units called Mini-Noses, pointing to the East, South and West, respectively) isn't a bad one by any means; it's just too poorly executed. On top of that, the evolution method of leveling up certain Pokémon in a special electromagnetic field present in the games is especially irksome when said magnetic field is nowhere in sight until near the end of the game, like New Mauville in ORAS - or Vast Poni Canyon in Sun and Moon, for that matter, because it took ages to evolve my Charjabug into a goddamn Vikavolt.

Anyway, let's not digress too much here.

Here you can clearly see the three units Probopass controls. 

Fortunately, evolving Nosepass into Probopass pays off. While Probopass doesn't have much offensive presence, its special attack is good enough for in-game purposes, especially when you take into consideration that both of its defenses are magnificent - with base 145 defense and 150 special defense, you'll be sure your Probopass can live a few hits. Competitively, however, Probopass serves more as a defensive pivot: it can set up Stealth Rock, paralyze or poison foes with a respective Thunder Wave or Toxic, Taunt opposing Pokémon into using only damaging moves to prevent them from setting up, and damage-switch with Volt Switch in order for you to gain momentum. In combination with the Leftovers for it to hold and a Calm or Bold nature, Probopass will live long enough to irritate your opponent. As for its ability, Sturdy is by far the better option and prevents Probopass from being KO'ed by ground- and fighting-type moves, to which it has quadruple weaknesses. Alternatively, Magnet Pull only works with an offensive moveset, so that Probopass can trap steel types and knock them out with an Earth Power boosted by a Modest nature. The Choice Specs may help boost its offensive prowess even further, although without Sturdy it is better to give it an Air Balloon so that it won't get hit by ground-type moves - for as long as another move doesn't make the darn thing pop, that is. It's not like Probopass's offensive movepool is all that shabby, either: it has decent STAB moves in Power Gem and Flash Cannon and very good coverage in Thunderbolt, Earth Power and even Dazzling Gleam.

The only problem is that its base 75 special attack isn't anything to write home about, so if you can make its offensive moveset work, I'd be more than happy to bestow all honor and glory upon you!

But yeah, Probopass... I may not hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. I'm very, very kind in giving it two stars.

Rating: 2/5

#227: Skarmory

Skarmory being savage in its natural habitat.

So next up we have a steel bird. How do you come up with a steel bird exactly? Well, you take a look at a few myths from different cultures and combine them. The Stymphalian birds are a group of birds in Greek mythology and have bronze beaks, sharp metallic feathers they can launch at their victims and poisonous dung. They were the pets of the goddess of the hunt, Artemis, and were ultimately defeated by Heracles. The Russians speak of Gagana, a miraculous bird with an iron beak and copper claws and is often believed to guard other mythical creatures. Finally, there's the alicanto - or allicanto - which is a bird of Chilian mythology that is said to let its wings shine with bright, metallic colors during the night. The alicanto lives in caves in hilly areas containing minerals and feeds on gold and silver. It is said to bring luck to any miner who sees it; if the lucky miner follows an alicanto without being caught, he can find silver or gold, but the bird will guide the greedy miner off a cliff if it notices him following it. Aesthetically, though, Skarmory shares some traits with pteranodons (a genus of pterosaurs), paper cranes and hand fans. And let's be honest here: instead of being born as a whole, Skarmory looks like it came straight out of a building kit.

Skarmory being savage in TCG art.

But how did Skarmory get that armored hide? Well, it lives and is raised in very harsh environments, often building its nests in thorny bushes called briers, where continual scratching of their skins will eventually harden the chicks into an iron-like state. Skarmory engages in battles repeatedly, and because of that its blade-like wings become tattered and bashed in and eventually grow back after a year. They may look heavy, but they are actually hollow and light, can be moved independently and allow Skarmory to fly at speeds up to 190 miles per hour, according to Ruby and Omega Ruby (D/P/P and B/W/B2/W2 mention it goes 180 mph, but that's just a minor detail). Because its wings are so sharp, people in the past used feathers that had been fallen off to make knives and swords.

A more realistic approach of Skarmory. It looks savage.

Of course, because Skarmory is clad entirely in steel-hard armor, it is insanely defensive in competitive play. Basically it's Mantine's counterpart: whereas Mantine excels in special stats, Skarmory shines when it comes to its physical stats. First off, it's base 140 defense makes it a physically bulky bitch, while its base 80 attack is its second best stat and is decent enough in order for Skarmory to fight back. However, more investment is usually put into its HP and one of its defensive stats - its physical defense is high enough to pay attention to its special defense instead - and a support set is the most common set you'll find on a Skarmory. Whirlwind removes any Pokémon that try to set up and sweep from the battlefield, while Taunt prevents setting up at all and limits the opposing Pokémon to using only damaging moves. Skarmory has access to Defog, a move that removes all entry hazards on your as well as the opponent's side of the field, while Spikes puts an entry hazard of up to three layers on the opposite side of the field, thereby damaging Pokémon that come in - barring any flying types, that is, so for those you could use Stealth Rock instead. Roost is used for healing, but as this moves makes Skarmory lose its flying type, its steel typing leaves it vulnerable to ground-type attacks. Leftovers is used as a held item for some additional passive recovery, although a Rocky Helmet could be used against Pokémon that hit Skarmory with direct attacks and Shed Shell is an alternative against Pokémon with the Magnet Pull ability. Speaking about abilities, Sturdy prevents Skarmory from being OHKOed when at full HP, which is handy when you don't see a Fire Blast coming your way. It is inarguably the best ability for it.

And if you really want to go weird, a Choice Banded Skarmory with Iron Head, Brave Bird, X-Scissor and Rock Slide might do the job. In any case, one of the two STAB moves (Iron Head and Brave Bird) should also be on a support moveset so that Skarmory can fight back, so you're gonna have to choose which support moves you want on it.

Skarmory being a transporter for Steven Stone, which is... not all that savage,
actually. But it's still very cool.

I'm not quite done with this thing yet. In all hurry to explain Skarmory's origin and competitive use, I completely forgot to mention how much I adore this thing. I already thought it was cool, but it was never one of my favorite Pokémon. It also didn't make my top 50 of favorite Pokémon (seriously, don't read that blog; it's bad, worse, worst), but I warmed up to it in a Pokémon X Wonderlocke. It was one of the first Pokémon I received over Wonder Trade - I'm 100% sure it was before the first Gym, as I remember it completely walled Vivillon - and it stayed with me until the very end, contrary to other Pokémon I use in Nuzlockes or a variant thereof. Yes, I'm bad at Nuzlockes; my Pokémon die very often, especially when I'm trying to grind, but Skarmory stayed a part of my team until I beat Diantha, due to its bulk and excellent typing. I love this thing and it has easily become one of my favorite Pokémon to date.

Rating: 5/5

#204 - #205: Pineco & Forretress

Although these Pokémon are supposed to be bagworms, they actually look like pine cones. Well, at least Pineco does; it's based on a bagworm living in a pine cone, even though that is not very obviously noticeable in its design. It's more a pine cone with eyes, if you ask me. If I'm being honest, Burmy and Wormadam do this whole bagworm thing a little bit better than Pineco and Forretress design-wise, but I don't like Burmy and Wormadam all that much (Mothim is a whole other matter) and I do like Pineco and Forretress to some extent, so let's get started.

I couldn't find any good fan art, so I'll give you Pineco's official
art instead, drawn by (who else?) Ken Sugimori.

Now, Pineco is a Pokémon that likes to annoy people. Anyone who has ever played a Randomizer Nuzlocke knows what the hell I'm talking about. Its Pokédex entries explicitly say that if it is disturbed while eating hanging from its tree, it will drop to the ground and explode with no warning. That's apparent in this hand grenade's level-up movepool: it learns Self-Destruct at the ridiculously low level of 6. SIX!!! The earliest a Pokémon can learn Self-Destruct in ORAS - barring the level at which Pineco learns it, obviously - is at level 23 (Koffing). Voltorb and Electrode would be extremely jealous, I figure. Anyway, Pineco spits out a fluid on tree bark to make a kind of tree bark glue that keeps sticking to its shell, and it isn't even bothered by the added weight. It is probably one of the causes why its evolution Forretress is part steel type, as Forretress can shoot pieces of its outer steel-like shell to enemies. Tree bark leftovers? And despite its low base 40 speed stat, it can open its shell to capture prey so quickly that its interior cannot be seen; therefore, it's a complete mystery what's inside.

Is that all? Why, of course not; I would like to add that I find the word Tannenzapfen ('fir cone'), a word that lies at the basis of Pineco's German name Tannza, really amusing for some reason. The other word present in Pineco's German name is Panzer, meaning 'armor', although the Dutch pantser sounds almost the same. Despite that, I don't get the German language at all, even though I live in a country in which Dutch, a language very similar to German, is spoken every day by the majority of its inhabitants. I hate speaking German; I'd rather stick with the English language, if that's okay with you guys.

This Forretress TCG art is too cool to ignore. 

Right, so Pineco and Forretress's flavor might be a little bit bland - the fact that they're based on weaponry (Pineco on a hand grenade and Forretress's protrusions on cannons, while their ability to learn Spikes might be a reference to caltrops) is probably the most interesting aspect - but Forretress sure does its name justice: it is a fortress in battle. Well, not completely, but it's a very physically defensive Pokémon that is perfectly capable of setting up some very annoying entry hazards such as Stealth Rock, Spikes and Toxic Spikes. That sure is handy, as Omastar and Smeargle are the only other Pokémon that can learn all three at the same time. Omastar's main business is to smash its shell and wreak havoc and Smeargle is just a bad Pokémon all around, so it's a good thing a tank like Forretress is around to take care of these entry hazards. It's also able to learn Rapid Spin, a move that removes entry hazards on your side of the battlefield, and the steel-type move Gyro Ball, which does considerable damage the lower Forretress's speed is (which is why a Relaxed nature is recommended). You can teach it Volt Switch if you want to get the hell out of an undesirable situation while still doing a bit of damage, and if you don't need Forretress anymore, you can let it blow up using Explosion. It does have a quadruple weakness to fire, which is also its only weakness, but its ability Sturdy prevents it from being one-shotted when it's at full HP. And that's awesome.

While Pineco and Forretress look like rather uneventful Pokémon at first sight, they do have a little bit of oomph behind them. I actually like these scumbag bagworms a lot, so I'll give them a 4.5-star rating. Not bad for Pokémon that almost seem to be forgotten. Almost.

Rating: 4.5/5

#123, #212: Scyther & Scizor

Scyther in all its glory.

Oh man, these Pokémon.

Remember when Scyther was awesome back in the day? Yeah, it was one of the better-designed and most popular Pokémon, but it has lost its appeal a little over the last fifteen years or so. Even in the time of Red, Blue and Yellow Scyther wasn't all that, just because it didn't learn any STAB bug- or flying-type moves other than the weak Wing Attack, which was still a whopping 35 power back then... and that was only in Pokémon Yellow. Sure, critical hits were based on speed and Scyther was one of the fastest Pokémon the game, so you could just spam Slash. Crits galore! Fortunately, Game Freak have only improved Scyther since then, giving it the awesome Technician ability (which increases the strength of moves with 60 power or less by 50%) and some moves that can benefit from it, such as Bug Bite and Aerial Ace. In the second generation, Scyther even got an amazing evolution named Scizor. The problem is that Scizor is superior to Scyther in every aspect except speed: Scizor becomes much slower in exchange for a little more bulk, a better attack stat and the ever-so-useful steel type. It even retains Technician, and from X and Y onward it even has been able to Mega-evolve.

Fan art of Scyther and Scizor. This image suggests that they are
equals, as they have roughly the same height and take the same
stance. 

Both Scyther and Scizor have a base stat total of 500, which is highly unusual in an evolution line; Pokémon typically get stronger when evolution triggers, but apparently this doesn't seem to apply to Scyther and Scizor. In fact, Scyther is the only pre-evolutionary form that has the same base stat total as its evolution. It does evolve by having it hold a Metal Coat and trade it away, but this is hardly the reason why Scyther and Scizor's base stat total is exactly the same; even Steelix's is much higher than Onix's (just like Scizor, though, it has lost some of its speed). My theory is that Scyther had good stats for a basic Pokémon already and that it didn't particularly need to become stronger; Scizor would have been way too overpowered - close to legendary status - if it had kept Scyther's excellent speed stat upon evolution. Great attack, great speed and decent bulk? Nigh impossible to take down, I'd say. Instead, you should see Scizor as an alternative to Scyther: the former has the all-important steel typing (this makes Scizor 4x weak to fire, but it's its only weakness) and is stronger and bulkier, while the latter has a STAB Technician-boosted Aerial Ace or Wing Attack and can make use of the Eviolite. By the way, I am not even counting the fact that I think Scizor is much more awesome than Scyther. When I was a kid, Scyther was one of my favorite Pokémon, but this shifted to Lugia and Scizor instead, and that hasn't changed much over the years.

Fan art of Scizor showing off its badassery.

Why, let's take a look at their Pokédex entries, shall we? Scyther is obviously based on the praying mantis and the mantidfly, and while the blades of mantises aren't that sharp, Scyther's are: they are able to slice through logs and become even sharper when used to cut through hard materials. With ninja-like agility and speed, it can create the illusion that there is more than one of them or become too fast for the human eye to track. And how about Scizor? Well, despite its name and its Gen. II classification as the 'Scissors Pokémon', which Game Freak corrected in Gen. III, its claws are more like pincers instead of scissors. Scizor can't rely on its dismal speed, so it uses its eye-patterned pincers instead to swing them and create the illusion that it has three heads. The pincers can crush any hard object to bits (even concrete when Scizor gets a chance to Mega-evolve). And while Scyther barely uses its wings to fly, Scizor is completely incapable of flight. It uses its wings to adjust its body temperature instead, because apparently its steel body can't handle its own hotness, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

Watch out, because Scizor is coming at you!

Competitively, Scizor is a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it is supposed to hit anything with tremendous strength, especially since it has a Mega. And as Scizor isn't very fast to begin with, you might want to max out its massive attack stat by running one with an Adamant nature, while an Impish nature focuses more on Scizor's defensive side. An ideal moveset might consist of Swords Dance, Bullet Punch (STAB and boosted by Technician), Bug Bite (ditto) and Roost for healing purposes. U-Turn can be used to gain momentum, as switching out after doing some damage is better than hard-switching, while Defog removes entry hazards and Knock Off can knock off the foe's item. This move isn't uncommon in competitive play lately, as it has been upgraded from 20 to 65 power since the days of X and Y. It is also capable of learning some fine coverage moves like Night Slash, X-Scissor, Iron Head, Brick Break, Superpower and Acrobatics (has a base power of 55, but this doubles when the user isn't holding an item). Want some Technician-boosted moves instead? Well, how about Aerial Ace? 60 power, never misses. Or Fury Cutter, a rather unreliable move with a base power of 40 that doubles every time it is used, which renders Technician useless most of the time. Metal Claw (50 power), Pursuit (which has 40 power and doubles when the opponent switches out on the turn you use it, in which case Technician doesn't trigger), Double Hit (hits twice for 35 power a pop, and with Technician it hits harder than Return) and Thief (60 power) are moves to consider as well. Don't like Mega Scizor? You can give regular Scizor a Life Orb or a Choice Band and still be good.

I don't know whether this is an action figurine or 3D art of Mega Scizor (the official
art is embedded in the original image for comparison), but it looks awesome! :D

I'd still recommend the first moveset I first mentioned, though, even for Scyther (except Bullet Punch; Scyther doesn't learn it and it should be replaced by Aerial Ace instead). However, a Jolly nature is very common on Scyther, especially combined with a Choice Scarf. It greatly benefits from the Eviolite as well, buffing up its defenses a little while still hitting like a truck. But Scizor's awesomeness can't be denied and that is exactly why I recommend it over Scyther. No, honestly, I fell in love with this thing when Gold and Silver came out and my love for it has only intensified when I saw its Mega form, and that's why it easily gets a perfect rating from me. Go, Scizor!

Rating: 5/5

#95, #208: Onix & Steelix

The Crystal Onix from "The Crystal Onix", the 87th
episode of the Pokémon anime. 

No, I am NOT going to talk about Onix. I refuse.

Shit, I said I'd talk about all Pokémon, didn't I?

Well, to start with, Onix's stats are pretty terrible: except for its defense stat, its stats are all booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. And although you can't say I hate or despise it, it is such an uninteresting Pokémon with an even more uninteresting flavor to it. A giant ground snake that digs tunnels? Yeah, I'm not impressed. Okay, it has a magnet in its brain that prevents it from losing its sense of direction while tunneling, but that is pretty much it. The only thing about Onix that might be interesting enough is the Crystal Onix episode from the Orange Archipelago era. In this episode, Ash, Misty and Tracey end up on Sunburst Island, which is famous for its artists and glassblowers. They meet Mateo, a shopkeeper whose products are of lower quality than the sculptures of other glass makers on the island. In order to find inspiration, Mateo seeks to capture the legendary Crystal Onix, but after they find it and battle it, he realizes that just seeing the special Onix has inspired him. The most curious thing is - despite the fact that Onix are rock/ground-type Pokémon and are thus four times weak to water - that the Crystal Onix can withstand water because of its glass skin. It is weak to fire instead, which regular Onix resist.

Some pretty good papercraft of Steelix.

But that is just one anime episode and doesn't prevent Onix from still being an awful Pokémon stat-wise. However, when you give Onix a Metal Coat to hold and trade it to another game, it evolves into a much better and more fascinating Pokémon: Steelix! Steelix's diamond-hard and magnetic steel body can resist heat (despite it still being weak to fire in the video games) and makes it able to dig towards the Earth's core. The most interesting thing is the change in its primary typing: all of the iron in the soil and rocks Steelix has swallowed as an Onix have accumulated and have caused its body to compress underground, which is why its body is harder than diamond or any other metal. Steelix is, as its name suggests, a primary steel type, as opposed to Onix being a primary rock type. This comes with a more-than-excellent defense stat, a large set of resistances (eight, to be exact) and two immunities (Steelix is still part ground, which makes it immune to electric-type moves). Game Freak even blessed Steelix with the most awesome Mega evolution I have seen thus far.

Mega Steelix's official art.

And that undoubtedly makes Steelix the best powerhouse and defensive wall in the RU tier, and maybe the best overall, barring any legendary Pokémon. Upon Mega-evolving, its already outstanding defense stat becomes even more outstanding, and it even gets a little special bulk behind it. Its very decent base 95 special defense stat gives you the option to run a Steelix with a Careful nature or invest in special defense EVs (or both), as Mega Steelix's physical defense is high enough as is. Being perfectly able to take a hit, Mega Steelix is arguably the best Stealth Rock user, and being the fifth heaviest Pokémon in the game, Heavy Slam - one of its staple moves - does massive damage to most Pokémon. Its other staple move is its STAB Earthquake, which hits Pokémon that are resistant to steel for neutral damage (water) or super-effective damage (fire, electric, steel). This is where you choose to have Toxic to whittle down physically bulkier foes, Roar to force opponents to switch so that they can't set up with stat-increasing moves, or Stone Edge, Crunch, Aqua Tail or even Iron Head/Iron Tail for coverage or more reliable damage. You can even go for Sandstorm, because steel-, ground- and rock-type moves get a 30% boost from Mega Steelix's ability Sand Force when a sandstorm is raging on the battlefield.

And while we're at it, a regular Steelix (before you Mega-evolve it) should have Sturdy, which prevents it from getting OHKO'd while at full health. Rock Head prevents recoil damage, but the only move Steelix gets that benefits from that is Double-Edge. Lastly, its hidden ability Sheer Force ignores additional effects of move (like flinching or stat reduction) of moves for a little extra power, but you want Steelix to Mega-evolve as soon as possible anyway, so you'll barely have the chance to make use of it.

Wow, this piece of fan art of Jasmine and her Mega Steelix is GORGEOUS!

I absolutely love, love, LOVE Mega Steelix and it is by far my favorite Mega evolution. It always looked like some kind of mineral-like spikes were about to protrude from Steelix's body, which they technically already did, but finally Mega-evolving has caused its cells to crystallize and made the prism-like crystalline spikes to burst from it. What's more, Mega Steelix now has its own gravitational orbit, causing metallic-looking scraps to constantly rotate around its neck. These scraps act to its movements and change position when it attacks. I mean, how cool is that? To top all that, Steelix's polished steel body makes its shiny form look more like actual gold, which makes it one of the most effective shinies to date. After all this praise, it probably comes at no surprise that I will give Steelix a perfect rating, just for being a perfect Pokémon.

Rating: 5/5

#81 - #82, #462: Magnemite, Magneton & Magnezone

Cute and intriguing fan art of Magnemite.

So here we have another evolution composed of three species of its pre-evolution.

Except I actually like Magneton, as opposed to Dugtrio.

Now, Magnemite and Magneton are some interesting Pokémon, to say the least. If you don't count Geodude and Graveler, these magnet Pokémon are the first Pokémon to be composed of inanimate objects. They're definitely the first Pokémon in the Pokédex to be based on man-made inanimate objects, contrary to Geodude and Graveler, who are based on objects (rocks) found in nature. Magnemite and Magneton do have emotions, know a way of reproducing and have the need to eat; its main form of nutrients is electrical currents. The magnets on the side of Magnemite's body create electromagnetic waves that allow it to levitate and when there is a strong magnetic force, three Magnemite could be drawn to each other to form Magneton. Magneton generate strange radio waves that are so strong that they cause a wide area to warm up by almost 4 degrees and can cause earaches when you come to close to them. They are drawn outside when sunspots flare up, presumably because of the changes in the sun's magnetic field. Because a group of Magneton can cause a magnetic storm and the waves they generate cause electrical and mechanic devices to break, large cities sound sirens to warn citizens of large-scale outbreaks of these Pokémon and urge Trainers to keep them inside their Poké Balls.

Poor things. It's just in their nature; they don't deserve to be treated like pariahs...

Pretty realistic fan art of Magneton.

The most interesting thing about Magnemite and Magneton is that they were the first Pokémon to have their typing changed. Prior to Gen. II, these Pokémon were pure electric types; the steel type was introduced one generation later, along with the dark type. Game Freak thought that would be a good reason to add this new typing to Magnemite and Magneton, because magnets and screws are steel objects, after all. Honestly, I can't blame them. They are right; and besides, steel is an awesome defensive typing, which is only one of the reasons why it's my favorite type. Pokémon with this typing are blessed with nine normal resistances, two quadruple resistances and one immunity. That certainly makes Magneton a much better fighter, but even though both Magnemite and Magneton have the ability to levitate, the actual game ability Levitate isn't available to them, which means they have a quadruple weakness to ground-type moves. There is a way to get around that pesky weakness, but I'll get to that later.

Official art of Magnezone by Ken Sugimori.

Anyway, you'd think that would be the end of it, but Magneton evolves even further. For some reason, Gen. IV introduced quite some evolutions of Pokémon from previous generations (including the horrendous Lickilicky and Probopass), and Magneton is one of the lucky bastards to get such an evolution. Although I don't think I should use the term 'lucky', because Magnezone actually looks really weird. It has better stats than Magneton in everything but speed, which is actually reduced upon evolving, but whereas Magneton literally consists of three Magnemite (unoriginal, but somehow more effective and interesting than Dugtrio), Magnezone is a flying saucer. Well, it definitely looks like one, anyway. It is actually based on magneforming, a high-speed forming process for electrically conductive metals, and I think it is to represent an electromagnetic field that can induce this (as indicated by its name - 'magnetic zone' - and its classification as the 'Magnet Area Pokémon' in the Pokédex). Don't ask me though, I've looked into this subject and I understand very little of it.

One thing I do know for sure: I don't like Magnezone one bit. You might think there is something that makes it stand out to Magneton, but Magnezone is only capable of inducing a greater magnetic force than its pre-evolution. Also, exposure to a special magnetic field changes Magneton's molecular structure, turning it into Magnezone. As a result, scientists made attempts to force evolution, in which they miserably failed. Besides, this whole change-of-molecular-structure thing... isn't that what all Pokémon that can evolve go through? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Let's face it: Magneton looks way better than Magnezone.
Right? RIGHT???

Both Magneton and Magnezone have some serious batttling capabilities though, so let's see what they've got up their sleeves. Let's start with Magneton, who resides in the RU tier and excels in special attack and defense, so invest EVs in these stats and slap an Eviolite on it. Considering the fact that the Eviolite also raises Magneton's physical bulk by 50%, you could also pump up its mediocre special defense to create some special bulk as well. Its hidden ability Analytic gives its moves a 30% boost if the opponent makes a move first or switches out, so a Quiet nature (boosts special attack and reduces speed) is the nature to go with, especially if you consider that its speed is not all that, anyway. Magnezone, on the other hand, is an OU-tier Pokémon and is commonly used to trap other steel types in the tier with its ability Magnet Pull (which, for the record, its pre-evolutions can also have, along with Sturdy). This niche is often combined with a Modest nature and Choice Specs, which boosts Magnezone's special attack by 50% but locks is into one specific move. What those moves are, you ask? Volt Switch, Thunderbolt, Flash Cannon and Hidden Power are what both Magneton and Magnezone can get, because they don't have a lot of diversity. You might even want to consider Magnet Rise, which gets around Magnezone's pesky quadruple weakness to ground. It might be a good idea to give Magnezone an Air Balloon (which has the same effect as Levitate. but pops when Magnezone is hit by any move other than a ground-type move) to hold instead of Choice Specs, especially since it is slower than Magnezone and can't pull it off very quickly.

This is the first time I'm giving a second-stage evolution a completely different rating than its pre-evolution, simply because I like Magneton a whole lot more than its evolution Magnezone. I don't hate Magnezone, and it is undoubtedly a good competitive Pokémon, but it is just too weird for me to like, not to mention that this Pokémon was (and still is) actually quite unnecessary.

Rating Magneton: 5/5

Rating Magnezone: 2.5/5