#54 - #55: Psyduck & Golduck

Fan art of Psyduck. It's probably having a headache.

Psyduck looks dumb.

There, I said it. I'm sorry to all you Psyduck lovers out there, but I'm not really all that fond of the thing. I totally felt for Misty every fucking time her dim-witted Psyduck, which she accidentally caught, broke out of its goddamn Poké Ball without having been asked to. This source of annoyance, to Misty as well as to the viewers, might have been dim-witted and oblivious, but it has been shown to use psychic powers that far exceed its normal abilities when its headaches get bad enough. No surprises there, because that is what Psyduck is all about: being dumb and oblivious, being plagued by chronic headaches, trying to calm its headaches by standing immobile (hence the Psyduck on Sinnoh's Route 10 in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, who won't move until Cynthia gives you a Secret Potion), and releasing crazy-strong psychic powers when its headaches become too severe. It is even unable to recall such episodes. The psychic thing, along with Psyduck's ability to learn several strong psychic-type moves, makes me believe that it should have had the psychic type as its secondary typing to begin with, but I guess that is absolutely none of my business.

Old TCG art of Golduck in action.

I feel like Golduck is, however, which is mainly because I love it, whereas I really don't care for Psyduck in the slightest. You'd think Golduck gains the psychic type as its secondary typing upon evolving from Psyduck, but that couldn't be any further from the truth: Golduck is a pure water type, just like its pre-evolution. Even so, it inherits Psyduck's psychic powers (although not its headaches), only with the ability to control them through the gem on its head, which glows when it is using its psychic powers and occasionally when it swims at full speed. And that is pretty fast, considering the fact that it outswims the most athletic humans because of its webbed hands and feet. It isn't even bothered by rough seas and will sometimes rescue people from shipwrecks. That is probably why it is often mistaken for a Japanese monster called the kappa, which is exactly what Golduck is based on (and quite frankly, I like that a lot). In short, Golduck is a hundred times more bad-ass than its pre-evolution.

Official art of Golduck.

But how good is it in the video games? Well, Golduck's flavor is perceptible through its ability to learn quite some psychic-type moves (such as Psychic, Psyshock, Confusion, and even egg moves like Psybeam, Synchronoise and Future Sight) and its hidden ability Swift Swim, which doubles its speed when it's raining in battles. It is therefore not uncommon to use a 'rain' Golduck in the NU tier, with a moveset consisting of Rain Dance, a STAB move like Scald or Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, and Psychic. Maybe you can omit either Psychic or Ice Beam and give it Calm Mind, to boost its more-than-decent special attack and fairly decent special defense and use it as a sweeper. For in-game purposes, you might want to go for an all-offensive Golduck with a moveset consisting of Surf, Ice Beam, Psychic and Focus Blast. Signal Beam is an option, but it's a Move Tutor move and can't be obtained until after you've finished the Delta Episode. As you can see, its movepool is just diverse (and strong) enough to consist of moves of four different types. If only Psychic was a STAB move... right?

Some awesome modified art of Golduck.

Forget about it, Game Freak will never decide to bless Golduck with that ever-useful psyhic type. Nonetheless, Golduck has always been one of my favorite Gen. I Pokémon: its streamlined design is simplistic but effective, and it is a strong Pokémon that's somewhat capable of taking a hit from another Pokémon (both its HP and defenses are halfway competent, resulting is some decent bulk). Overall, Golduck is a very interesting Pokémon that totally lives up to the characteristics it is known for. I can't help but give it a perfect rating, which is the second one in a row. Will Primeape be able to add a third?

Rating: 5/5

#7 - #9: Squirtle, Wartortle & Blastoise

Swag.

And last, but definitely not least, we have Squirtle.

Even though Charizard is my favorite of the Kanto starters' final evolutions, Charmander is not my favorite basic-stage Kanto starter. Squirtle is. The anime Charmander is cute and all, but it soon evolved into a Charizard that turned out to be a total asshole, never listening to Ash and totally ignoring his commands. Ash's Squirtle never evolved, but once Squirtle joined Ash on his journey, it remained loyal to him until the latter sent the former back to the Squirtle Squad as a firefighter. Yeah, the squad. That's when we first saw Squirtle, and, frankly, this sassy little delinquent was a total badass! He had swag even before the word came into fashion. See, here's the thing: before Squirtle joined Ash's party, he had been the leader of a criminal gang of Squirtle abandoned by their Trainers, pulling pranks on inattentive passersby and stealing their food. The squad and Team Rocket's Meowth kidnap Ash, his friends and Pikachu and bring them to a cave. Earlier on, Meowth convinced the Squirtle that Jessie and James were his pets after they got ambushed by the squad and sent Jessie and James away to run some errands, planning to seize all the Squirtle in the gang. Team Rocket, including Meowth, turn against the Squirtle and Ash protects the gang leader (distinguishable by its triangle-shaped sunglasses; the other Squirtle in the gang wear round sunglasses) from some bomb explosions, and the Squirtle saves Ash in return and takes him out of the cave after Team Rocket drops some more bombs. Team Rocket is defeated, the Squirtle extinguish the fire caused by the bombs and the gang leader joins Ash on his journey.

The entire Squirtle line: Squirtle (bottom left), Wartortle
(bottom right) and Blastoise (middle). 

What I liked about this Squirtle is that it had a personality to it, something that, at least in my opinion, many other Pokémon lack. This Squirtle was cool and he knew it, as opposed to many other Pokémon Ash had, who were just trying their hardest to prove themselves or just be cute. It's a shame it never evolved, because I would have liked to see how it turned out to be as a Blastoise. Luckily, we still have the games, where we're able to own a Blastoise, mind you. You don't even have to catch a Squirtle, you're just given one. That's awesome. Being one of the three very first starters, Blastoise is still in many people's hearts, and of course there is a reason for that: it's a huge-ass turtle with giant-ass cannons on its back. They only fire water, but these water blasts pierce through steel and concrete. Damn... And if Wartortle can become 10,000 years old (its tail is a symbol of longevity), I don't want to know how old Blastoise can get. The only thing that bothers me about it is that it's classified as the 'Shellfish Pokémon'. Oysters, crabs, shrimps, lobsters, mussels; those are shellfish, but Blastoise is a goddamn turtle. Okay? But admit it, a turtle with cannons and a fire-breathing dragon sound a whole lot better than a dinosaur with a weird-ass flower on its ass, right? I'm sorry if I can't stop talking about how Venusaur lacks the awesomeness of Blastoise and Charizard, but surely I am not the only one who thinks that way? At any rate, my experience is that Blastoise and particularly Charizard are much more popular than Venusaur is, especially when you consider that the former have much more diversity in their movepools.

Official art of Mega Blastoise.

Yes, Blastoise is often used in the competitive scene. Not without a reason though, because it got a Mega evolution in Pokémon X and Y, just like Venusaur and Charizard did. Upon Mega-evolving, Blastoise gains the Mega Launcher ability, which increases the power of pulse and aura moves by 50% (these moves are Aura Sphere, Dark Pulse, Dragon Pulse and Water Pulse; Heal Pulse heals 75% of the target's maximum HP rather than the usual 50%). This effectively makes Water Pulse as strong as Surf, only with a chance to confuse the target. All of the above moves, with the exception of Heal Pulse, are available for Blastoise and that makes him a force to be reckoned with. But while you can rock out with a physical Mega Venusaur (or a mixed tank) and Charizard has two Megas just for you to choose between a physical and a special one, Mega Blastoise's special attack is much higher than its physical attack. A physical Mega Blastoise is possible, because its attack is even higher than Mega Venusaur's, but why would you want that? Its special attack, combined with its excellent ability and movepool (although many people like to have Blastoise carry Ice Beam instead of Dragon Pulse), makes a physical movepool completely unnecessary - with the exception of maybe Rapid Spin, which removes entry hazards from the battlefield. Well, it's the way you roll, I guess...

Modificated official art of Squirtle (left), Blastoise (middle) and Wartortle (right).

In the end, Mega Blastoise is a whole deal better than Mega Venusaur and tied with either Mega Charizard, design-wise (do you see that enormous-ass cannon on its back???) as well as competitively. My childhood experiences make me lean toward Charizard more, so that's why I'm giving Blastoise half a star fewer than Charizard.

Rating: 4.5/5