#223 - #224: Remoraid & Octillery

Somehow I think it's weird that American parents go apeshit when they realize their kids are playing a game in which gambling plays a part (anyone remember the Game Corners?), but that they don't mind their children using Pokémon based on weaponry. Then again, owning a rifle has always been seen as a constitutional right rather than a privilege in America, and firearm legislation is not going to change anytime soon, especially not when Gumshoos becomes president.

A girl is using a Remoraid as a water gun, because why not?

But yeah, weaponry is what Remoraid is based on. While it looks a little like a grenade, the form of its fins and its shooting abilities actually give it the appearance of a revolver. Its Japanese name Teppouo
(テッポウオ) - from teppō ('gun') and uo ('fish') - and Chinese name Tiěpàoyú (鐵炮魚) - literally 'iron cannon fish' - even contain the name of some kind of weaponry, whereas that ain't the case in other languages. Remoraid can shoot jets of water at high velocity, hitting targets that are more than 300 feet away with incredible accuracy. While this trait may remind you of an archerfish, Remoraid is probably more based on a remora, a kind of fish that has a tendency to cling onto larger animals - like manta rays, sharks, whales, turtles and dugongs - with dorsal fins that take the form of an oval, suction-like organ. This gave it the name of suckerfish, or even 'sharksucker' and 'whalesucker'. Mantine, a manta ray Pokémon, is always depicted with a Remoraid attached to one of its wing-like fins, and that's exactly Remoraid's intention: it's an easy way of traveling. It doesn't even have to scavenge for food, because it just feeds on Mantine's leftovers.

Remoraid shooting... something out of its mouth. 

However, its evolution Octillery mainly looks like an octopus rather than some kind of weapon, even though its English name is derived from the word 'artillery'. Its Korean name Daepomuno (대포무노) - daepo means 'cannon' and mun'eo 'octopus' - and Chinese name Zhānyútǒng (章魚桶) - from zhānyú ('octopus') and tǒng ('container', probably referring to 'tank') - clearly contain the names of certain kinds of weapons, and I probably don't have to tell you on what weapon its Japanese name Okutank (オクタン) is based on. But these names are deceiving, because Octillery's design has no traits of tanks or wheel cannons and its flavour is actually far from interesting. Okay, it spurts ink at prey, but spurting ink is what octopuses usually do. Octillery even has its own signature move to help attribute to its flavor, Octazooka, and the only other Pokémon that can learn it is the Horsea line, and only through breeding with Octillery. What's more, the Japanese name of the move is 'Okutank Cannon', which is of course a direct reference to Octillery itself. It does surprise me it isn't part steel type, because it bashes things - inanimate or living - with its rock-hard head after it got hold of them tightly with its suction cups; plus, according to Game Freak and Nintendo, it has some traits of tanks and containers, right?

Octillery in the anime.

Octillery really could have used that steel typing though, because it's just a mediocre Pokémon. It's more than fine for in-game purposes, but in the competitive scene it is quite lacking, especially in speed. But now that I take a look at its stats, I have to say that I didn't even know its attack and special attack were that high. I always thought they were around 85 or 90 or something, but 105 base attacking stats aren't all that bad. Oh wow. Still, its HP and defenses all sit at a moderate 75 and that ain't bulky at all. Those mediocre stats allow you to run an all-offensive Octillery, whether it be special or physical. And its special movepool is tremendous: it can learn Surf, Scald, Ice Beam, Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Energy Ball, Signal Beam, Sludge Bomb, Sludge Wave, Hydro Pump and Flash Cannon. On the physical side of the spectrum we have Gunk Shot, Waterfall, Seed Bomb and even Rock Blast and Bullet Seed. It's a shame Octillery can't get Skill Link, because that ability would have made Rock Blast and Bullet Seed tremendously useful. Going with a Choice Specs or Life Orb set with the Sniper ability (increases the damage of critical hits) is usually the better option, although it's quite common people use mixed Octillery just to fling Gunk Shot onto it or something. Understandable, because a 120-power poison-type move is a big check for fairies.

Still, Octillery is not a top-tier Pokémon, and I can understand why. It's slow, and despite its alleged tank-like aesthetics (honestly, I just can't see it) it's not very tanky at all. Its design is alright, though. I don't hate it - never have - but there's something lacking about Octillery, so I can't go higher than a mere 3.5-star rating. And that's perfectly average.

Rating: 3.5/5

#222: Corsola

Cute fan art of a shiny Corsola (the blue one) playing with
its regular counterpart.

I almost forgot this thing is... a thing. And I even used it in a playthrough. Honestly, it actually managed to put it some work with two Calm Minds up: its special defense is already decent and Calm Mind only buffs that stat up, as well as Corsola's special attack. And the move coverage was crazy; it can learn STAB moves like Surf and Power Gem (water and rock, respectively) and it has access to moves like Earth Power, Ice Beam, Psychic and Shadow Ball. You probably wonder why I wanted to use Corsola in the first place, but I didn't really have a reason for it. I just decided to use it when I caught one. It wasn't my best Pokémon by any means, but it has to be said that's due to Corsola's low base stat total (380). And because of that, Corsola is actually pretty booty, even to use in a goddamn playthrough. I had the luck my Corsola had a Modest nature, otherwise I would have simply ignored it. It goes without saying that Corsola's low stats leave you with nothing else to do but to throw this thing back into the sea without hesitation when you're looking for a competitive Pokémon. Just... don't use it. The fact that I had fun with it for a while doesn't mean that you will enjoy using it, but just in case I have piqued your interest and you want to use it now: by all means, go ahead.

Nice sub-aquatic art of Corsola. Surprisingly, there is quite some
fan art of Corsola to be found on the Internet. 

However, Corsola is one of those Pokémon that easily keeps being forgotten. Even by me, and I used one to guide me through Pokémon X. It's a shame, because Game Freak used an interesting concept to define Corsola: red coral, which is used as a precious stone because of its durable and intensely colored red or pink skeleton. The Dutch even call it bloedkoraal ('blood coral') because of the intense red color. However, excessive fishing has damaged the species along the Mediterranean coastline, which has resulted in several protection enactments. The tips of Corsola's head is also treasured for its beauty - they even glitter in seven colors when they catch sunlight - but at least Corsola can shed its branches and grow them back over the course of a single night when it's healthy. When the water it lives in is polluted, however, the branches discolor and deteriorate due to a lack of nutrition Corsola gets from clear water. The one thing I think should have been included in Corsola's Pokédex entries is whether it has been hunted to near extinction for its growths or not, similar to its real-life counterpart red coral. The protection laws that have been in effect in Banyuls, Carry-le-Rouet and Scandola - the three oldest Mediterranean Marine Protected Areas, all off the coast of the island of Corsica - since their approval resulted in growing colonies of red coral at shallow and deeper depths.

Yeah, it would have been nice if Corsola's Pokédex entries had contained such information, but at least Game Freak gave this Pokémon some thought. I think. I'm not a huge fan of the design, but I guess it's okay, although it'll have an influence on my overall rating of Corsola. The same counts for its nonexistent competitive abilities and the fact that it's a forgettable Pokémon at best, but I won't be savage: Corsola gets a 3.5-star rating.

Rating: 3.5/5

#211: Qwilfish

TCG art of Qwilfish.

You know, fugu has been the most celebrated and notorious delicacy in Japanese cuisine for centuries now, and in the 17 years Qwilfish has been around, nobody thought, "Hey, let's chop this thing to pieces and eat it." Of course, fugu is lethally poisonous, and it was even banned in Japan a couple of times. Only chefs who have qualified after three or more years of rigorous training are allowed to prepare the fish, and preparation of it is strictly controlled and supervised by law in Japan and several other countries. The Emperor of Japan is even forbidden to eat the dish, for his own safety. And as Qwilfish seems to be a mix of the pufferfish and the porcupinefish - both of which are poisonous (pufferfish more so than some species of porcupinefish) and can inflate their bodies by swallowing air or water - it is not a surprise why it's part poison. The concept of the pufferfish could have been very interesting, but there are just a couple of problems with Qwilfish.

Qwilfish fires its spines at its foe after swallowing 2.6
gallons water all at once first.

First off, I feel like its design could have been so much better than it is right now. Many puffer- and porcupinefish look more colorful and interesting than Qwilfish, so I guess Game Freak could have made something better when it came to this Pokémon. Right? I mean, simple designs can be effective, but nothing about this thing makes you go, "OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!!!" No. Second, Qwilfish's flavor is everything a real-life pufferfish can do: like real-life pufferfish, it can inflate its body. It then uses the water pressure to fire poisonous quills at its enemy, which real pufferfish can't do, admittedly, but at least they can extend their spines and emit poison from them. It's not that much of a difference; plus, there are other, more interesting Pokémon that can do the exact same thing. Also, it's a poor swimmer due to its round shape, especially when it is inflated. Fascinating, or nah? Nah, not exactly. Lastly, Qwilfish seems to have mediocre base stats all around. At 95, its attack is its highest stat, while all of its other stats seem to be too low to make anything out of them. I'm gonna try nonetheless.

Now, buckle your seatbelts, kids. It's gonna be a rough ride. (!)

Yes, Qwilfish, you're a doofus. I know.

Oh yeah, I forgot this thing has access to the Intimidate ability, which lowers the opponent's attack stat by one stage. This could turn out to be interesting. At least it makes Qwilfish a decent Spikes or Toxic Spikes setter, especially when you breed one with an Impish nature and invest in HP and defense. And while Taunt (makes the opposing Pokémon unable to use support moves) and Thunder Wave (indefinitely paralyzes the foe) are very common moves for Qwilfish to use as well, an attacking move is absolutely necessary. Waterfall inflicts some decent damage due to Qwilfish's high attack stat, while Scald deals low damage due to its terrible special attack but has a 30% chance to burn the foe. You can also use Qwilfish as a suicide lead, meaning you have to slap Explosion on it and let it blow up first turn - when your opponent has a hyper-offensive team, that is. But Qwilfish has other abilities as well, namely Poison Point and Swift Swim. The first has a chance to poison the opposing Pokémon when it hits Qwilfish with a attack that makes contact, but it shouldn't be used; instead, go with Swift Swim, which doubles Qwilfish's speed in the rain and lets it outspeed many Pokémon, even with an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. Give it a Life Orb or Choice Band, put moves like Waterfall, Aqua Jet and Poison Jab on it (last-minute moves like Destiny Bond and Explosion are also viable options in this set), and you'll make the most out of an offensive Qwilfish. Such a shame it doesn't learn any support moves that raise its attack. There are plenty of tactics you can use, but I still think Qwilfish is an average Pokémon and that you should avoid using it.

Lately, there have been quite some Pokémon on this blog I happen to dislike: Sunflora, Wobbuffet, Dunsparce... and now Qwilfish. And except in Dunsparce's case, I didn't even realize I disliked them in the first place; they were just there and I didn't really care about them. I still don't, in fact. Qwilfish is not as bad as the previously mentioned Pokémon, especially because Game Freak tried to make something out of it, but I guess it's an unexciting Pokémon altogether and it falls just too short to receive a passing grade.

Rating: 2.5/5

#194 - #195: Wooper & Quagsire

You know, I've never been quite sure what these Pokémon are supposed to represent, so this is an excellent moment to do some research on that.

Wooper trying to cool Magby down with a Water Gun after a
heated argument with two squabbling Pichu. This scene is from
a Pokémon side-story special. 

Okay, so Wooper seems to be based on the larval stage of an axolotl, especially considering the flat tail and the feathery external gills. I don't consider myself dumb, but I thought larvae were a bug thing and I hate it that I didn't know the primary stages of certain amphibians are called the same. I'm just sayin'. Anyway, axolotls are often called 'Mexican walking fish', but they're in fact salamanders and are thus amphibians. Wooper and Upah (ウパー) are derived from the Japanese marketing term wooper looper, which started a true fad involving raising pet salamanders. I can think of something much more fun, like collecting Pokémon cards or listening to music, but whatever floats your boat, I guess... Wooper looper is also the Japanese term used to refer to an axolotl, so go figure. Axolotls don't develop lungs and take to land, by the way; fully grown specimens remain aquatic and gilled instead. Wooper, however, is part ground type and is capable of going on land, but when it does so it creates a poisonous layer of goo to protect its body and keep it from dehydrating. It's better not to touch the film of slime, because doing so causes a shooting pain.

Quagsire. Heh. Quagsire looks very clever
here, but it's actually 'quite' unintelligent, as it
keeps colliding with things while swimming.

Quagsire is more of a giant salamander, and not even an axolotl at that. Quagsire is from 'quagmire' and 'sire', the latter being a honorific form of adress for someone of high social status, especially a king. This makes sense, as Quagsire's Japanese name Nuoh (ヌオー) contains numa, meaning swamp or marsh, and ō, meaning king. So basically, Quagsire is the King of the Swamp. I can name numerous better things to be king of, but at least it's something, right? Well, at 4'07" and 165.3 pounds, Quagsire is a huge-ass salamander thing, so it's probably also based on the Japanese giant salamander (ōsanshōuo) or just giant salamanders in general. These colossi can reach lenghts up to 5 feet and can weigh as much as 55 pounds, which is by far not as much as Quagsire's weight, but I wouldn't want to hold one of those creepy things in my arms, that's for sure. Not that that would be possible, as Quagsire has a slippery layer of skin that makes it very difficult to handle. It's also a very dim-witted and carefree Pokémon that keeps bumping things while swimming, like boulders and boat hulls, and doesn't even get very hungry because it doesn't move very often. While Ash's Pokédex claims Quagsire likes to make its nest in freshwater lakes, it can be found in the Great Marsh and Route 212 in Sinnoh (Diamond, Pearl and Platinum) and the marshland and wetland areas of the Safari Zone in Johto (HeartGold and SoulSilver), which are swampy areas. Kinda contradictory, but whatever. Wooper and Quagsire's classification as the 'Water Fish Pokémon' is also kinda erroneous, as axolotls and other salamanders are amphibians and not fish. Oh, well.

Old-ass official art of Quagsire, as always drawn by Ken
Sugimori. 

What Quagsire really excels in, though, is being bad. Not in the sense that it's terrible, but I can name several other Pokémon that could serve as a physical tank much better than Quagsire can. Gastrodon, for example, who has the same typing as Quagsire (water/ground) but has a better HP stat and a good special attack stat and is therefore more capable of serving as a tank on both sides of the spectrum while still doing some considerable damage. But let's assume you love Quagsire and you want to use it: I recommend slapping a Relaxed nature and its hidden ability Unaware on it.

Relaxed and Unaware; both fit Quagsire's personality perfectly, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

Invest in HP and defense, give it the Leftovers to hold for a little bit of recovery after every turn, and copose a moveset consisting of Scald, Toxic, Recover and Earthquake. Quagsire's special attack is actually really mediocre, but Scald has a chance to burn the foe and that enhances Quagsire's moderate physical bulk even more. Toxic is to inflict poison if burning the target isn't desirable, while Recover lets Quagsire heal half its HP and Earthquake is just a good move to deal damage with.

And that's it. I really don't know how else to use this thing. Like, an Adamant Choice Banded Quagsire? Heh, don't make me laugh. If you don't invest in HP and at least one defense stat, it'll be too frail to take a hit. And its design is kinda LOL, to be honest. It's just silly, although I have to say that both Wooper and Quagsire radiate a certain cuteness, so I guess I'll let them off with a 3-star rating. That should do it, right?

Rating: 3/5

#298, #183 - #184: Azurill, Marill & Azumarill

Another thing: why does Azurill always look so sad, even
in official art? 

Okay, I know I repeatedly called baby Pokémon dumb, but this might be even dumber than dumb. Because WHAT is the point of giving Marill - a water type - a normal-type pre-evolution? So fucking pointless, I'm telling you... Everything about Azurill's flavor suggests it should be a water Pokémon, too. Its nutrient-packed tail looks like a beach ball and is often used as a flotation device or lifebuoy; it lives near the water's edge and likes to gather there with others of its species and splash about on sunny days; its classification as the 'Polka Dot Pokémon' refers to the Japanese word for 'polka dots', mizutama, literally meaning 'water balls'; its name contains the word 'rill', which is a synonym for a small river or brook; and its level-up movepool mainly consists of water-type moves, for heaven's sake! And then Game Freak made it a normal type. I don't understand, but maybe I'm just stupid. At least Azurill and its evolutions have had one type in common since 2013: they all gained the fairy type in Pokémon X and Y, although why they did is a fucking mystery to me. Its typing is not the only thing that bothers me about Azurill, though. You see, it has a gender ratio of 25/75, meaning it is female 75% of the time, while both Marill and Azumarill have a perfect 50/50 gender ratio, which means that Azurill's gender can change upon evolving into Marill. That's... stupid. Unless you're transgender your gender won't change ever, so why didn't Game Freak give Azurill the same gender ratio as its evolutions? I don't get this either, but like I said: maybe I'm just stupid.

Old official art of Marill on the left, new art on the right.

No, I like Marill and Azumarill a lot better than Azurill. Except for their fairy typing, they make a lot more sense to me. Whereas Azurill's tail is packed with nutrients that Azurill needs in order to grow and is used to fling itself at bigger opponents, Marill's tail is full of oil that is lighter than water and allows it to remain steady against the roughest water currents. It also keeps Marill afloat; even when it dives its tail is seen on the water surface. Both Marill and its evolution Azumarill have sensitive ears that can detect distant sounds, and Azumarill's ears even act like sensors underwater in order for it to know exactly what prey is swimming about. Azumarill is a master at camouflaging itself, because the splash pattern on its body is based on countershading: the upper part of its body is blue to match the surface of the water, while the lower part is white to match the sunlight seen from underwater, It can inhale and store a large volume of air, which it uses to make balloons if it spots a drowning Pokémon. Marill and Azumarill are probably on rakali (commonly known as water rats) and swamp rabbits, respectively, even though they mainly live nearby water and not necessarily in water. Both species can swim, but the water rat runs faster than it can swim and I don't think swamp hares can dive and hear underwater as well as Azumarill can.

The Marill family: Azurill (right), Marill (middle) and Azumarill
(left). Marill doesn't really have a tuft of hair, but it surely makes
it much cuter. Besides, its Pokédex entries explicitly mention it
has a water-repellent fur. 

They are probably less capable fighters than Azumarill, I'll betcha. But there is one condition for Azumarill to be a good fighter: its ability Huge Power, which effectively doubles its current attack stat. Its base attack stat is only 50, but it's only an indicator of how high its attack can get: with a beneficial nature (preferably an Adamant nature), perfect IVs and proper EV training its attack can reach a decent 218 at level 100, which will become a massive 436 when Huge Power is applied. Its base 100 HP stat and base 80 defensive stats provide it pretty decent bulk, too, so it is perfectly capable of taking a hit first - which it has to, because its speed is abominable. Its great offensive utility allows it to run pretty much every set possible: you can give it a Choice Band or an Assault Vest, whereas the Belly Drum/Sitrus Berry set is a very viable option as well. The latter makes Azumarill more of a late-game sweeper, and the STAB priority move Aqua Jet really helps it with that. As for moves, Azumarill has access to a wide variety of moves, which makes it pretty diverse. Aqua Jet, Waterfall and Play Rough are its main STAB moves, while Ice Punch, Superpower, Knock Off and Iron Tail might come in handy as well.

Pretty neat 3D model of Azumarill. 

If you are familiar with my blog, you already know I did a fairy mono-type playthrough. Azumarill - of course with Huge Power - was the Gen. II fairy (Clefable was the Gen. I one, Mawile Gen. III, Togekiss Gen. IV, Whimsicott Gen. V and Aromatisse Gen. VI) and I have to say it was a real MVP. I've definitely grown more fond of it over the years. And Marill... You have to love it only because of the temporary nickname it got before it was formally introduced: Pikablu. Even the Topps trading cards for the first movie erroneously refer to it as Pikablu, until it was changed to Marill in the second printing. Heh. Marill and Azumarill are pretty good, although I'm not a huge fan of their designs. Too oval-shaped for a bunch of rabbits, I guess. It's a shame they had to get a pre-evolution, although I have to be honest and say that Azurill is kinda cute.

Rating: 4/5

#170 - #171: Chinchou & Lanturn

To those of you who think I just skipped number 169 in the National Pokédex: you haven't paid attention to my blog at all. I talked about Crobat along with Zubat and Golbat in a previous entry, because they're obviously related through evolution. Besides, it's bullshit not to discuss a certain evolution even though it was introduced in a later generation, right? Trust me, I will be 'skipping' quite some Pokémon in the future.

Old official art for Chinchou and Lanturn, drawn by Ken Sugimori.

Let's move on to the Pokémon with the unique water/electric-type combination: Chinchou. Of course, it owes its typing to its origin, as it is based on the anglerfish. More specifically, it is based on the footballfish, which can be seen in its name as well: Chinchou and its Japanese name Chonchie (チョンチー) are derived from chōchin, which is Japanese for 'lantern' and can be found back in the Japanese name for the footballfish, chōchin-ankō. The interesting thing is that it doesn't overly behaves like an anglerfish: in the anime it can be seen standing on its two little legs while on land, something an actual anglerfish can't do. I don't think the antennae of anglerfish have so many positive and negative charges flowing through them that it makes even them tingle, either. But, above all, Chinchou looks cute and friendly, as opposed to the predatory anglerfish with two rows of sharp, big-ass teeth visible in their gigantic mouths.

Adorable fan art of Lanturn. 

And its evolution Lanturn? Well, Lanturn is just as cutesy and huggable as Chinchou is, although it has more of an anglerfish body shape than Chinchou as well. Despite its adorable aesthetic, it shows the behavioral traits of real-life anglerfish: it uses its Y-shaped antenna to lure prey and gulp them down after blinding them with a flash of light first. The orbs on its antenna contain a colony of bacteria that create a chemical reaction, which can be compared with how a battery generates electricity, and the light Lanturn produces is so strong that it can illuminate ocean floors and even penetrate the sea's surface from the very depths of the ocean. That's why it is popularly nicknamed 'the Deep-Sea Star'. Otherwise, Lanturn is quite the interesting Pokémon. Too bad its namesake is a little unimaginative, as it literally derives from 'lantern', but whatever. I have never used Lanturn once in a playthrough and I would love to sometime, but the problem is that Chinchou is generally capturable late-game, and by that time I'll already have a full team of six Pokémon most of the time. Maybe Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will provide us with a chance to catch Chinchou early on in the game, but for now I'm just really happy I can write an article about it.

Cute how Lanturns allows itself to be used as underwater
transportation for Manaphy.

I can hear you asking, "But what about its utility in the competitive scene; can't you just use it on your competitive team?" Well yeah, I could, but I'm not that much of a competitive battler and I really don't have the time or patience to breed a perfect Chinchou and start EV-training it properly. That is not to say Lanturn is not a good asset to any team: with its base 125 HP stat, it is an incredibly bulky Pokémon, even though its defenses are only mediocre. Its special defense is inarguably better than its defense, so you might as well make use of it by giving it a Calm nature and a support moveset. Heal Bell is a must-have in order to cure your teammates from a status conditions such as poison, sleep or a burn, while it can learn Toxic and Thunder Wave in order to induce poison or paralysis on the foe. You might want to consider Protect as well so that it can stall for a little Leftovers recovery, but Volt Switch and Scald should definitely be included in Lanturn's moveset. You'll find that Lanturn is very hard to take down, even with its low defense stat, although you can cheat a little by giving it a Bold nature instead of a Calm nature. It's not a terrible idea by any means, but it just generally better to make use of a Pokémon's best stats.

Speaking of which, Lanturn's special attack is tied with its special defense as its second best stat. Smogon lists some offensive movesets for Lanturn, but I'm second-guessing whether that would really be the best option. Correct, with a Modest nature, the Choice Specs or an Assault Vest, and a couple of good offensive moves, Lanturn can put in some work. Still, its base 76 special attack is not really suited for competitive play, at least in my opinion. Then again, Lanturn can endure quite some (special) hits naturally, so it might very well be a valuable offensive asset to your team. It learns a decent amount of coverage moves, too: Hydro Pump (can be replaced by Scald if you think it's too inaccurate), Thunderbolt, Volt Switch and Ice Beam is a very good offensive moveset, while Signal Beam and Dazzling Gleam aren't bad for some bug- and fairy-type coverage, either. Oh, and make sure its ability is always Volt Absorb, which renders electric-type attacks used against it completely useless while still healing some HP when hit by one. Its hidden ability Water Absorb does the exact same thing, but with water-type moves instead; however, Lanturn is already resistant to water and its water/electric typing makes it so that electric-type moves against it are neutral hits, as water is usually weak to electric. Illuminate doesn't even have any effects in battle, so you'd be smart to ignore that ability completely.

I guess this is not what Game Freak intended for Lanturn to look like.

In the end, Lanturn is a great Pokémon sporting a unique typing and design, and I would love to use sometime. It may not be the best battler in the world, but I think Lanturn is supposed to be more of a support Pokémon, anyway. I like how it is based on the anglerfish; it's such a unique animal. Some say Lanturn is also based on a dolphin and that its origin contains a small piece of the Greek legend of Apollo, who was the god of light and rode a dolphin, but that's a little bit farfetched. I don't think Lanturn is dolphin-like in the slightest; and besides, Pokémon freaks have been anticipating a true dolphin Pokémon for ages, which makes me think they don't consider Lanturn a dolphin at all. Dolphin or not, I still love this thing, and that's why I'm granting it an excellent rating of 4.5 stars.

Rating: 4.5/5

#158 - #160: Totodile, Croconaw & Feraligatr

Team Rocket's Jessie trying to shake off Professor Elm's Totodile
in "Don't Touch That 'dile"; season 3, episode 1.

I was going to make a comment about how I loved it that Ash's Totodile continuously clenched onto Jessie's hair with its jaws, but upon doing some research I came to realize I got some things mixed up. The Totodile that kept biting Jessie's hair is actually Professor Elm's Totodile we saw in the very first episode of the anime's third season, "Don't Touch That 'dile". Yet, Ash's Totodile was one of the best comic relief characters and always managed to make me smile or laugh. It even laughed at Duplica's Mini-Dit's (yup, the chick was at it again, but this time she brought a Ditto that retained its own size when it transformed into another Pokémon) attempt to use Scary Face in "Imitation Confrontation", the 17th episode of the fourth season. It is joyful and playful by nature and loves to chomp on anything that moves with its strong and well-developed jaws, with which it is capable to crush anything. Even its Trainers have to watch out for it. It's nice to see the anime was actually truthful to the personality and traits that described Totodile in the games, but unfortunately, Croconaw's entries aren't that much different from Totodile's. It likes to bite things and will absolutely not let go of them, not even when it loses one of its fangs, which will grow back rapidly anyway. Yeah, actual crocodilians can do that too, so I'm not impressed.

Fun fact: Croconaw actually has twice as many teeth lining its mouth as a real-life crocodile: 48. I guess Game Freak wanted to make Croconaw sound more impressive, at which they have failed, as official artwork of Feraligatr show it having only ten teeth in its mouth. Then again, what's Game Freak to do without adding a little bit of inconsistency here and there, right?

Because fan art of Croconaw doing the samba makes perfect
sense, doesn't it? 

Feraligatr, whose name is stylized that way because of a ten-character limit for names prior to Pokémon X and Y, turns out to be a lot more impressive than Meganium and Typhlosion flavor-wise. Because, as its name suggests, Feraligatr is ferocious: when it bites with its massive jaws, it shakes its head and savagely tears its victims to shreds. Sheesh. You sure you wanna give Totodile to beginning Trainers, Professor Elm? The rest of its Pokédex entries aren't all that special, but they're kinda contradictory: with base 78 speed, Feraligatr (fuck, I keep mistyping its goddamn name) isn't all that fast, although its entries state that its strong hind legs make it move quite quickly on land. It primarily uses them to kick the ground so as to charge at foes, but still... Game Freak couldn't really get it right with Feraligatr and its kin, especially not when Gold and Silver were released. Being a pure water type, Feraligatr had to rely on special-based moves rather than physical-based ones, as type still determined whether moves were physical or special, and water was still entirely special at that time. While a base 79 special attack stat isn't necessarily terrible, it's nothing to write home about, either; I mean, it's Feraligatr's second worst stat. Fortunately, Feraligatr benefited greatly from the physical/special split in Gen. IV, and from then on it has only gotten better.

This really shows Feraligatr's ferocious nature. 

While Earthquake was the best physical move it could get prior to Gen. IV, it got Crunch, Aqua Tail and Superpower for level-up moves in Diamond and Pearl. And they're all physical-based, too. It also gets Waterfall, Dragon Claw and Ice Punch, which were all accessible to Feraligatr before Diamond and Pearl, but were special-based nonetheless. And now they aren't. That's terrific. Additionally, it learns Brick Break, Shadow Claw, Rock Slide, Iron Tail, Outrage, Focus Punch and Aqua Jet, as well as the staple move of every competitive Feraligatr's moveset: Dragon Dance. This move increases its speed and attack by one stage each, which makes it an excellent late-game sweeper and allows you to run an Adamant-natured Feraligatr. The rest of its moveset should consist of only damaging moves (preferably Waterfall, Ice Punch and either Crunch or Earthquake), while a Life Orb powers up its moves even further and its hidden ability Sheer Force removes any additional effects of moves - if any - in exchange for even more power. You could also run a Swords Dance Feraligatr, as this move lets it gain a two-stage attack increase in one turn, but it's generally better to stick with Dragon Dance. Either way, Feraligatr has become a force to be reckoned with.

Never fuck with alligators!

Amazing realistic fan art of Totodile (left), Croconaw (right) and Feraligatr (middle).

Although Meganium is still - and will always be - my favorite Johto starter, Feraligatr has taken second place after I played HeartGold and SoulSilver (those are technically Gen. IV games), which moves Typhlosion to the third spot. Feraligatr has a great design, amazing competitive utility and an interesting flavor to it, but it's just half a star shy from a perfect rating. I think I've pissed off some passionate Meganium haters out there, but you know what? I'm totally fine with that!

Rating: 4.5/5

#140 - #141: Kabuto & Kabutops

Official art of Kabuto, by Ken Sugimori.

Kabuto and Kabutops are the second set of fossil Pokémon, and quite honestly they are more interesting than the fossil Pokémon that preceded them in the National Pokédex. For the story about Lord Helix and Lord Dome I refer you to Omanyte and Omastar's entry, because I'm not going to tell the same damn story twice. Now, the most interesting thing about Kabuto is that is seems to be based on an ancient creature called the horseshoe crab, a species that has lived on Earth for at least 450 million years and are still to be found in our oceans and on certain beaches. Because of this trait, horseshoe crabs are considered 'living fossils', which is a term to describe living species that appear to be similar to species we otherwise know only from fossils. The curious thing is that Kabuto's Pokédex entries say that it lived eons ago but that it has now gone extinct, something the anime contradicts. You see, in the ninth episode of the second season of the anime, "Shell Shock!", Ash and his friends arrive on an uninhabited island where scientist are seeking to excavate Kabuto fossils after the discovery of one of said fossils. Ash, Misty and Tracey (who temporarily replaced Brock in the Orange Islands saga) join the expedition, but it is soon discovered that they are being sabotaged by an old man named Umberto, who warns them of a prophecy that impies that disturbing the Kabuto who inhabit the island will cause the island to be swallowed by the sea. And just upon discovering a cave full of Kabuto fossils, Team Rocket arrives and throws a bomb, which Ash catches and throws at the fossils. Of course, this wakes the Kabuto up and they fall from the walls of the cave, causing the island to sink into the ocean, since the fossils kept it together.

This is a horseshoe crab, a creature that has lived on this planet for a whopping
450 million years. Now tell me that, except for the tail-like thing, this is not what
Kabuto is based on.

So, it can be assumed that the Kabuto in this episode were in some state of hibernation, coming to life when they were disturbed by the people visiting the island. It's a quite literal interpretation of the term 'living fossil', but at least it's clear that Kabuto is based on the horseshoe crab (and maybe a little bit on the extinct group of arthropods called trilobites). Additionally, kabuto is the Japanese word for a type of helmet first used by ancient Japanese warriors and that later became a part of the traditional Japanese armor worn by samurai. Interesting, because Kabuto looks nothing like such a helmet.

An attacking Kabutops. I feel sorry for its prey.

But what about Kabutops, Kabuto's evolution? Well, all I can say is that Kabutops is not based on the horseshoe crab like its pre-evolution is. Instead, Kabutops shares traits with trilobites (specifically the cheirurus genus), especially the spines down its back and its cephalon, which look like the segments of trilobites. The sickle-like arms, however, imply that Kabutops is also based on eurypterids, extinct prehistoric arthropods that looked a little like trilobites but were armed with claws instead. They are believed to have been more closely related to horseshoe crabs than trilobites, but the comparison of Kabutops with horseshoe crabs ends right there. As for its flavor, Kabutops is much scarier than its pre-evolution: before it went extinct, it was in the process of evolving from an excellent swimmer into a land dweller in order to catch prey that had already evolved into land-dwelling species, but once it had its prey, Kabutops ripped it apart with its scythes and drank their internal fluids.

Yikes. That's about as gross as Omastar cracking a Shellder's shell open and sucking its insides out. Man, these prehistoric Pokémon were SAVAGE!

More fan art. Man, do I love this thing.

Unfortunately, Kabutops is not as savage as I'd like it to be in the competitive scene. However, it has access to some nifty moves, among which Swords Dance and a water-type Quick Attack: Aqua Jet. It learns it naturally as a Kabuto, and with an attack stat like Kabutops's and an attack boost from Swords Dance, it can hit pretty hard, making Kabutops an excellent sweeper. For the good physical moves you shouldn't take a look at its level-up movepool, though, because most of the attacks it learns are pretty booty, except for Night Slash. But TMs and Move Tutors really help it out here: it can learn Brick Break, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, X-Scissor, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Superpower and Knock Off. For a competitive Kabutops, I'd recommend running an Adamant or Jolly one with maxed out EVs in attack and speed, a Life Orb to help boost its power, the Battle Armor ability to prevent random critical hits, and a moveset consisting of Swords Dance, Aqua Jet, Stone Edge and either Knock Off or a stronger physical water-type move like Waterfall (for having a chance to flinch the opponent) or Aqua Tail (for more power). And that's a safe set. Its Swift Swim ability is very handy when the rain is up and it will make Kabutops hard to outspeed, while Weak Armor lowers its defense each time it is hit by a physical move in exchange for an increase in its speed. Alternatively, Kabutops can learn both Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin; the former to set up an entry hazard and the latter to remove entry hazards. I wouldn't recommend either, just because I like to use Kabutops as a powerhouse, but it's your call.

All in all, I think Kabuto and Kabutops are a lot more interesting than Omanyte and Omastar, and I especially love Kabutops. But even these trilobite Pokémon are outclassed by a certain prehistoric Gen. I Pokémon that I love even more, mainly because of its Mega evolution. Nonetheless, Kabutops gets an excellent rating from me, just half a star shy of a perfect rating.

Rating: 4.5/5

#138 - #139: Omanyte & Omastar

During 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', the Helix Fossil was often
treated as a deity.

Omanyte and Omastar are the first Pokémon in the National Pokédex that can be revived from fossils. That is the only way to obtain such fossil Pokémon, excluding the method of breeding. Usually, you can choose only one from two different fossils in any pair of games (except Gold and Silver, which introduced no new fossil Pokémon), although the availability of fossils has heavily increased since Diamond and Pearl, because they became regular items in the bag rather than key items. You can obtain the following fossils: Helix Fossil (Omanyte) and Dome Fossil (Kabuto) in Red and Blue, Root Fossil (Lileep) and Claw Fossil (Anorith) in Ruby and Sapphire, Skull Fossil (Cranidos) and Armor Fossil (Shieldon) in Diamond and Pearl, Cover Fossil (Tirtouga) and Plume Fossil (Archen) in Black and White, and Jaw Fossil (Tyrunt) and Sail Fossil (Amaura) in X and Y. Additionally, Aerodactyl can be restored from the Old Amber as of Gen. I. There is no doubt the fossils have become a staple feature in every new generation, and I think Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon won't be an exception.

Lord Helix blessing someone.

But the Helix Fossil rose to fame during 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', in which multiple players (the Hive Mind) could insert certain commands at the same time in attempts to steer player character Red, causing a giant mess. Red was able to choose the Helix Fossil from two possible fossils, though, and after the bag was opened in battles by the Hive Mind multiple times, the Helix Fossil was constantly selected because it was the item in the first slot. The Hive Mind saw this as Red 'consulting' the Helix Fossil and thus the storyline of Lord Helix and the Church of Helix religion was created: the God of Anarchy (Lord Helix) was in a war against the God of Democracy (Lord Dome), and when Red chose to carry along the Helix Fossil, this gave the Helix an advantage over the Dome. Angered by this, the Dome tried to sabotage Red's journey in many possible ways, almost succeeding in it: Eevee evolved into Flareon instead of Vaporeon, which led the Hive Mind to take a forced trip to the PC. This went horribly wrong, however, as Abby the Charmeleon and Jay Leno the Rattata, two of TPP's favorite Pokémon, were released and Bird Jesus and the Helix Fossil were deposited into the PC.

Many people saw this as Lord Dome tricking Red into accepting the use of Democracy, which refers to an event in real life: after 24 hours without progress, the person who streamed the game replaced the Anarchy system with the Democracy system. The Hive Mind, thinking TPP was about having fun with complete randomness, rioted by sending no other inputs than 'start9' and the Anarchy system was brought back. Some time later, Bird Jesus returned to the team, Lord Helix was retrieved from the PC again, and Flareon was released. This is seen as Red overcoming the Dome's influence, as the Helix was guiding him once more. To top it off, the Helix Fossil was revived at Cinnabar Island and Omastar became an important team member, responsible for Red defeating the Elite 4 and the Champion.

A fossil of an ammonite, an extinct group of mollusks that
Omanyte is based on.

Whew, that's a long story for such an insignificant Pokémon, right? Well, I'm not done yet. The facts that Omanyte can't be caught in the wild and can only be obtained by reviving the Helix Fossil mean that it has gone extinct somewhere in the past, right? Well, yes. Omanyte and its evolution Omastar are actually based on an extinct group of mollusks called ammonites. Omanyte's name is even a corruption of this word. Omanyte is believed to have lived tens of thousands of years ago, swimming about using its tentacles and regulating its buoyancy by storing and releasing air using its several gas-filled chambers in its shell. However, it was Omastar's fault the species has gone extinct: whereas Omanyte only ate plankton, Omastar's heavy shell hindered it in praying on larger things such as Shellder. But once it ensnared its prey, it never let go; even the hard shells of prehistoric Shellder stood no match against Omastar's powerful and deadly bite, and they were quickly made a meal of by having their insides sucked out.

Ew, that's actually really gross.

Luckily, no such thing happens in the games. And Omastar has never truly been hindered by its stats either, as they are actually pretty decent. Okay, its HP and special defense could be better, but its special attack and defense are actually really great. It's also not very fast, although not as sluggish as its Pokédex entries suggest, but there's a very handy way to get around that: Shell Smash. This move increases Omastar's attack, special attack and speed stats by two stages each and lowers its defense and special defense by one stage each. Give it a White Herb to hold and it'll restore any negative stat changes from Shell Smash, too (only once, though). This strategy makes Omastar a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it's supposed to be a fast late-game sweeper with moves such as Hydro Pump, Surf, Ice Beam, Ancient Power, Earth Power and Hidden Power, so a Timid nature to boost its speed and the Shell Armor ability to prevent critical hits from occurring are recommended. Swift Swim doubles Omastar's speed stat in rain and can be used on rain teams, but it kinda contradicts Omastar's entire flavor. Alternatively, it can be used as an entry hazard setter with a Focus Sash, but I'd recommend a bulkier Pokémon like Ferrothorn to do that (Iron Barbs/Rocky Helmet combo!).

All in all, there are quite some things that make Omanyte and Omastar stand out to other Pokémon, even though it looks a bit insignificant. It's a bit of a shame that this whole 'gone extinct' thing has been done over and over again by adding new fossil Pokémon every generation from Ruby and Sapphire onwards. But I still like Omastar, you know, just not as much as the two fossil Pokémon I will discuss shortly.

Rating: 4/5

#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5