#418 - #419: Buizel & Floatzel

It's been exactly two weeks since I last updated this blog, and I have only one reason for my absence: I just didn't feel like writing anything. I need a break sometimes too, guys!

Official art of Buizel by Ken Sugimori, which is courtesy of none other than
Nintendo and The Pokémon Company, even when it's mirrored.

Anyway, today's topic is Buizel, and by extension its evolution Floatzel. To be honest, I've never thought much about Buizel and Floatzel; they've never appealed to me all that much, but they've never offended me in the slightest, either - unlike a certain other Gen. IV Pokémon I don't even want to call by its actual name. Buizel and Floatzel were just... there. They're still just there, and I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing, because failing to evoke any response or emotion from people other than indifference is not going to make them remember that these Pokémon exist in the first place. Not easily, anyway. At least Pelipper will always be remembered for being an obnoxious little shit - and I believe it was created to purposely trigger people, but that's beside the point. To a certain degree, Game Freak are doing an excellent job when they create a Pokémon that summons feelings of rage and/or resentment in the fandom, although being indifferent towards a certain Pokémon probably has a much better effect on your blood pressure in the long run.

Two happy Buizel. 

Buizel's design is... interesting. This mustelid with fins has a large yellow flotation sac around its neck that it can inflate whenever necessary, but as it's a pure water type you'd think it wouldn't need that flotation device, right? Maybe it has trouble keeping its head out of the water when on the lookout for prey, and the inflatable collar keeps it afloat. I don't want to nitpick, but we've seen weirder aquatic mammalian Pokémon that could stay afloat or keep their heads above water without a flotation device just fine. Plus, they don't have the downside of this device collapsing when they go diving. The thing is that Buizel and Floatzel's designs are commonly believed to have been derived from river otters (even though its German name Bojelin is derived from Hermelin, the German word for 'stoat' or 'ermine', and I personally believe they look more like weasels), so I don't really understand why the whole buoy aspect was integrated in their designs in the first place, but oh well. The two tails Buizel has are used to propel itself through the water by rotating them like a screw, though, making it an agile swimmer nonetheless. Floatzel's flotation device is more like a buoyant vest, although the life jacket theory can be thrown overboard - pun most definitely intended - when it's laying on its back in the water, as the flotation sac could be interpreted as a dinghy instead, especially when Floatzel uses its tails as a propeller and its fins as oars. As opposed to Buizel, however, Floatzel apparently has more control over its flotation device, being able to deflate it when diving and inflate it once again when it wishes to resurface. It is therefore often used as a lifeguard Pokémon to assist in the rescues of drowning people.

Now that I think about it, Floatzel makes a whole lot more sense than Buizel...

Bijschrift toevoegen

How does Floatzel fare in the competitive scene, though? Well, while it is very strong and speedy physical attacker, it is as fragile as a porcelain vase. Its base 85 HP can't save its garbage base 55 and 50 defenses, which means it will almost always be knocked out instantly when hit by a super-effective or STAB attack, and definitely when it's a super-effective STAB attack. Even though its only weaknesses are electric and grass and grass-type moves aren't prevalent in the competitive metagame, the chances of Floatzel surviving a hit are pretty slim. That's why you should let your Floatzel attack before it gets hit, rocking a powerful Jolly nature and a Choice Band or Life Orb as its held item. You don't have a whole lot of choices when it comes to moves, unfortunately: Waterfall, Ice Punch and Aqua Jet are must-haves, while Aqua Tail, Pursuit, Crunch, Brick Break, Low Kick and Iron Tail are the only other viable physical-based options for you to consider. I gravitate more towards Crunch or Brick Break, for the sake of type coverage as well as strength and accuracy. Lastly, make sure Floatzel has its hidden ability Water Veil, which prevents it from getting burned, as the speed boost in the rain that it gets from Swift Swim is purely situational, unless you use it on a rain team.

Also, Smogon mentions special movesets for Floatzel, and I don't understand why. Yes, moves like Hydro Pump and Focus Blast are stronger than Waterfall and Brick Break, but they are also inaccurate and therefore more unreliable than you'd prefer. Most of the time you're better off using physical attacks due to Floatzel's superior attack stat as well as Waterfall and Brick Break's beneficial secondary effects.

GIF of two Buizel and two Floatzel jumping out of the water.

Like I said, I was - and I am still - indifferent towards both Buizel and Floatzel. I know Ash owned a Buizel, but that's not going to improve my rating at all. I have never seen the Diamond and Pearl saga of the anime to begin with, so I wouldn't know what this Buizel was actually like when being with Ash, and if I recall correctly, Buizel originally wasn't even Ash's Pokémon. He traded his Aipom for Dawn's Buizel, because Aipom was more interested in Dawn's Contest-oriented training and Buizel was more interested in Ash's training for Gym battles, which I also mentioned in Aipom and Ambipom's review. I wrote that article more than 15 months ago, so kudos to me for actually remembering that. As for Floatzel... Well, it does have an interesting design and flavor, and it's definitely not a terrible Pokémon to use competitively, so I guess I could spare it 3.5 stars for being a more-than-decent Pokémon all around. Personally, I'm just not interested in using it in any way possible.

Some Pokémon just aren't my cup of tea, even though there's absolutely nothing negative I can say about them. I guess Floatzel is one of them.

Rating: 3.5/5

#399 - #400: Bidoof & Bibarel

There is hardly any serious fan art of Bidoof to be found on the
Internet, so here it is in all its TCG-art glory. 

Poor, poor little Bidoof. Just because it is considerably more abundant in Sinnoh than other typical early-game rodents like Rattata, Sentret and Zigzagoon in their respective games, it is one of the most hated Pokémon in existence. It doesn't really help that its name derives from 'doofus' and that its design isn't all that appealing, either; many people think Bidoof and Bibarel look ugly and stupid, and I have to say I don't fully disagree with them. I mean, I think they should really see a dentist to have those buck teeth checked, and I can't say Bibarel's stare makes it look especially quick-witted. Shiny hunters who are chaining for certain shiny Pokémon often consider Bidoof a living nightmare, as this little shit easily breaks their Poké Radar chains in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum. Its cry has also been mentioned as one of the reasons why it is hated so much, being described as irritating, eardrum-perforating, not enjoyable and 'that damn cry'. But even though other people hate it and its evolution tremendously, I've always liked these motherfuckers. Bidoof and Bibarel are based on beavers, and I think Game Freak have done a fine enough job giving Pokémon based on these lame and uninspiring animals a little bit of originality (with the emphasis on 'a little bit'); it never struck me as problematic that they were found all over Sinnoh, as other Pokémon were just as easy to find; I'm not a shiny hunter, so I wouldn't know what it feels like when Bidoof breaks your Poké Radar chain; and lastly, I've never had a problem with any Pokémon's cry aside from fucking Pelipper's.

Bibarel is a bit sluggish on land, but it's a swift swimmer.

None of these things have stopped naysayers from using Bibarel as an HM slave, anyway: being the first normal-type Pokémon paired with a type other than flying - water in this case, because it's a beaver - it can learn the highest amount of useful HM techniques. It has access to Cut, Surf, Strength, Waterfall, Rock Climb and even Rock Smash, which means you'd probably had a hard time deciding which HM moves you actually needed on it. Six out of eight ain't bad; it obviously cannot learn Fly and Defog because it's not a goddamn flying type, but Fly is always a good move to have on your Staraptor anyway, and Defog isn't even necessarily a requirement.

Being one of the most hated Pokémon yet one of the most used ones, albeit as an HM slave... Hmmm, the irony isn't lost on me.

Flavor-wise, there is absolutely nothing interesting about Bidoof and Bibarel. Bidoof's Pokédex entries are all bout its large incisors, which grow constantly and thus it has to whittle them down by gnawing on sturdy things such as rock and wood. While primarily based on the tail-lacking mountain beaver, its evolution Bibarel is based on the beaver as we know it, industriously damming up rivers with bark and mud in order to make a nest but somehow never causing them to overflow.

Bibarel.

That's pretty much all there is to say about these Pokémon, except when you count Bibarel's competitive capabilities. If used at all, Bibarel is used for one tactic and one tactic only: the Simple/Curse combo. Simple is an ability that doubles the effectiveness on stat changes, which means that the move Curse now increases Bibarel's attack and defense by two stages rather than one and lowers its speed by two stages rather than one as well. It's a quick way to get a physically bulky-offensive Pokémon with access to moves like Return, Waterfall, Aqua Jet, Quick Attack, Crunch, Superpower, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail, especially in combination with an Adamant nature and a Life Orb. Water and normal is a very good combination anyway, covering anything but a few dual-type Pokémon (ghost/grass, grass/steel, water/steel and water/ghost), so a moveset consisting of Curse, Return, Waterfall and Aqua Jet is usually more than enough. If necessary, Aqua Jet can be ditched for Crunch or Rest - the latter in conjunction with a Chesto Berry as a held item - and I guess a Swords Dance set isn't bad in combination with Simple either, but all of Bibarel's stats are pretty subpar and therefore I'd avoid putting a Bibarel on any team in the first place. And should you decide to use one anyway, don't you even worry about either of the other abilities it gets. Unaware makes Bibarel ignore the opposing Pokémon's stat changes, but that is purely situational and it unfortunately doesn't affect its own stat changes, so Simple is better in that regard. Moody randomly increases one of Bibarel's stat by two stages and lowers one by one stage every turn, which could end in either a success or a catastrophe for you. In this case, I assume you don't wanna risk it for the biscuit, eh?

In short, Bibarel is a risky Pokémon to use in the competitive metagame in the first place, even with a standard Simple set. Once the Diamond and Pearl remakes come around - which I'm sure won't be until at least 2019 - it'll probably be used abundantly as an HM slave again. And that's really the only thing it is good for. I'll give it 3 stars because I quite like its design and because it's one of the most effective HM slaves, but other than that it's definitely not one of my favorite Pokémon ever.

Rating: 3/5

#393 - #395: Piplup, Prinplup & Empoleon

With Piplup and Prinplup's better-than-thou attitude, I doubt
real love between the species is actually possible.

Of the Sinnoh starters, Piplup is hands down the cutest-looking. With the dark blue feathers on its head extending down its neck and around its head, our little superhero appears to be wearing some kind of cape. Don't let that fool you, though, because this feisty little thing has a strong sense of self-pride and has a hard time accepting food from humans and bonding with its caretakers. It will even puff up its chest without a care after it falls down, which it often does because of its poor walking abilities. This trait becomes even worse when Piplup evolves into Prinplup, whose sense of self-pride is so high that it can't even form groups of its own kind. It lives a solitary life instead, away from others, as every one of this Pokémon species believes it is the most important. Game Freak even goes as far as to incorporate variations of 'prince' in its domestic and foreign names, with its Japanese name Pottaishi (ポッタイシ) and Korean name Pengtaiza (팽태자) coming from kōtaishi and hwangtaeja, respectively, both meaning 'crown prince'. But eventually they're gonna be king or emporor of... well, what exactly? Prinplup live alone and their snobby attitude is the one solid reason not a one of this Pokémon will give in to others of its kind, so I'm actually curious how's that going to work out once they evolve into Empoleon. Let's find out, shall we?

Empoleon surfing on the water. 

Piplup and Prinplup's high special defense stats, influences of emperor penguins and their ability to survive in cold climates and icy waters due to their thick downs would make you think Empoleon is actually a water/ice type, but nothing could be further from the truth: Game Freak decided to go the unconventional route for once and made Empoleon the first and only water/steel-type Pokémon.

STEEL TYPE REPRESENT!!!

Ahem, I am fine...

Of course, most of the time it's pretty obviously visible whether a Pokémon is a steel type or not, and the fact that this is not the case with Empoleon probably makes me love it even more. Naturally, this Pokémon has the highest sense of self-pride in the entire evolutionary line and anything or anyone who were to damage it will be slashed viciously with its wings - which can easily cleave through an ice floe, in case you were wondering. Apparently, this Pokémon is able to live in groups just fine, but the Empoleon with the biggest horns is the leader. Sure, the one with the biggest something is always the goddamn leader, isn't it? Well, I doubt emperor penguins consciously think they're better than other people or things, so I think it's the 'emperor' part that makes Piplup, Prinplup and Empoleon think so highly of themselves. And there's one certain human being that has been the inspiration for that.

Okay, somebody made this and I think it's fantastic!

We've got to take a look at Empoleon's namesake Napoleon Bonaparte to understand why it and its pre-evolution are so prideful. Obviously, the majority of you don't need to be introduced to Napoleon, as you probably know exactly who he is, but I'm going to give you a brief summary of his personality nonetheless. As you're probably all aware of, Napoleon was a highly competent military strategist who achieved victory after victory at the start of the 19th century and declared himself the Emperor of the French and King of Italy in 1804 and 1805, respectively. He hated losing, however; he cheated at card games, refused to take inspiration from other great conquerors and was accused of winning battles because of sheer luck, the kind of rumors and criticism he quickly attempted to scotch. Winning so often heightened his sense of self-grandiosity, leaving himself even more certain of his destiny and invincibility. Until, of course, he was defeated in the Battle of Waterloo in 1815 - something ABBA wouldn't let France forget about - and exiled to the remote island of Saint Helena by the British shortly thereafter.

In short, he was pretty much someone who would easily have said, "Hurt my pride and pay the consequences, or keep quiet." Empoleon, my guy... I get you. It's not your fault Game Freak and Nintendo characterized you this way. Don't worry, I've got your back.

Empoleon just being plain badass. 

Of all the Sinnoh starters, Empoleon is by far the best Pokémon to use competitively. Its base 84 HP stat and 101 special defense stat provide it some awesome special bulk, making it an excellent special tank utilized for support. I'm basically saying that a moveset consisting of Stealth Rock, Defog, Scald and Roar is enough for Empoleon to work, as long as it is holding the Leftovers (or a kind of berry that weakens a common super-effective ground- or fighting-type move, such as the Shuca or Chople Berry) and has a Calm or Bold nature to increase one of its defenses. You'd think this should always be its special defense, but that stat is high enough as is and you could therefore breed for a Bold Empoleon to try equaling its defenses in battle and let it serve as an all-around tank. However, its best base stat is its special attack, at 111, and it could therefore wreck house as well. A Choice Specs set with a Modest nature and the moves Hydro Pump, Flash Cannon, Ice Beam and either Grass Knot or Signal Beam will more than suffice, although you could also swap the Choice Specs for a more reliable item such as a Life Orb or one of those berries I mentioned earlier. Don't bother giving Empoleon a Choice Scarf or anything, because it's got some lousy speed, anyway; for that matter, you might be better off giving it Agility, which is a set-up move that doubles its speed but doesn't lock Empoleon into a certain move. As for its ability... Well, Torrent is basically your only option, because its hidden ability Defiant raises its attack - which you're not gonna use if you're smart - every time one of its stats is reduced.

GIF of Empoleon from - I think - Pokkén Tournament.

I've always loved Empoleon, and I have to say this Pokémon may well have laid the basis for my current love of steel types. What makes it a steel type exactly is still a mystery to me, but I'm not complaining: I love steel types for their defensive qualities as much as their aethetics, and like many others of its type Empoleon has 10 resistances and an immunity. This Pokémon is powerful and possibly even a little too overpowered for a normal playthrough, but I've found myself choosing Piplup more often than Turtwig (and definitely Chimchar), just because I think its design is so amazing. Its Napoleonic aesthetics based on the emperor penguin are genius in itself, but the crest extending from its beak resembles the trident of Poseidon - the ancient Greek god of the sea - and is a nice little touch on a bird-like water type like Empoleon. I'm giving it no fewer than a perfect 5 stars, but by this time you really shouldn't be surprised anymore.

P.S.: I find it hilarious how the German name Impoleon contains the word 'imp' somehow. It's actually from Imperator - which means 'emperor' in German - but there's this urban myth going around about Napoleon that he was ridiculously small. At 5'02" he was a bit short for an officer at the time, sure, but about average height for French peasants.

Rating: 5/5

#382: Kyogre

Kyogre whipping up a storm. Because it can, goddammit.

When Ruby and Sapphire were released in the Netherlands, my decision on which game I was gonna get was totally based on the box legendary. You've probably guessed it already, but Kyogre appealed to me more than Groudon did and so I first played Sapphire. (It was but a few years later that I started to get both games, e.g. Diamond and Pearl, Black and White, etc.) In all honesty, I thought both box legendaries looked a little stiff, but Kyogre had an air of beauty and grace to it in my opinion, and nowadays it is still my favorite Hoenn legendary along with Rayquaza. This is partly due to its recent Primal form, which looks both transparent and luminescent and definitely radiates beauty, grace, energy, power and might. And Jesus fucking Christ, mighty it is indeed. Kyogre has control over rain and the element of water in general, and it is said to have expanded the seas and quenched areas of the world plagued with drought by bringing about torrential downpours - which manifests itself in-game in its former signature ability Drizzle and its Primal form's ability Primordial Sea. While normally a calm and peaceful being, Kyogre will engage in a cataclysmic battle against its counterpart Groudon whenever they meet each other, which has definitely ocurred more than once in ancient times, at least according to Zinnia (who is one of my least favorite characters in the entire franchise, by the way; I really can't stand that chick) in the Delta Episode of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

Primal Kyogre being totally badass. 

Both Kyogre and Groudon received more powerful Primal forms reminiscent of Mega evolutions in those games, with the only difference being the Blue Orb and Red Orb automatically activating once the player character sends out Kyogre or Groudon, respectively - providing they are actually holding the item, that is. In short, you can't choose whether you want them to undergo Primal Reversion if you let them hold such an orb; you'll just have to make sure you're giving them another item to hold instead if you don't want them to take on their crazy powerful state. I don't know why you wouldn't want to, because Game Freak actually managed to make an alternate form of a legendary not terribly overdesigned for once. I mean... sure, they made these Primal forms way too overpowered, but that's basically what they embody. They're legends, after all. As a matter of fact, Primal Kyogre - who is roughly twice the size of regular Kyogre - is said to have widened the seas by a large margin simply by taking a swim. Dude, if you can widen the seas just by taking a fucking swim, you should be rightfully feared by every living being on Earth.

This GIF of a more realistic approach to Kyogre is nothing short of phenomenal!

Kyogre is most probably based on the Hebrew legend of Leviathan, the unconquerable primal master of the sea. It was said that at the end of time Leviathan and its counterpart Behemoth, the unconquerable primal master of the land, would start a battle that'd kill them both. Obviously, this is reminiscent of Kyogre's conflict with Groudon, which was also tackled by the anime series at some point as a climax to the Team Magma/Team Aqua story arc. While Leviathan is usually depicted as some sort of giant marine snake creature, the Hebrew word for it is commonly used to refer to whales nowadays, hence why Kyogre's appearance draws inspiration from killer whales - or orcas, as they're commonly called - more than sea serpents. While orcas are often described as a whale species, they are more closely related to dolphins, so people who have been whining about wanting a dolphin Pokémon in the franchise so badly for ages technically already got one in 2002 (okay, 2003 for Western countries). Well, to some extent, anyway.

Kyogre is said to have been asleep in a marine trench. I think it has awoken now. 

I'm not even going to address Kyogre's battling capabilities; it stands to reason that it'll deal devastating damage when you slap any good specially offensive move on it, even as its regular form. While I was never a big fan of Kyogre, its Primal form has awakened a love for it in me. It has just the right aspects of being a monster, but it does so with style, which is one of the reasons why I think it's superior to Groudon. Sure, water beats ground, but Groudon has access to the amazing combination of Drought and Solar Beam, so it has nothing to complain about. Kyogre will be the second-to-last Hoenn Pokémon that gets a perfect rating of 5 stars from me, the last being... well, you probably already know. And if you don't, you'd better read this article again very thoroughly.

Rating: 5/5

#370: Luvdisc

I still have no idea why this thing even exists. What I want to know is who the goddamn hell came up with a heart-shaped discus fish as a Pokémon and had the chutzpah to name it Luvdisc. It is also the weakest single-stage Pokémon to date, with base stats of 43 for HP, 30 for attack, 55 for defense, 40 for special attack, 65 for special defense and, finally, a whopping 97 for speed! That means Luvdisc is at least fast enough to do... well, absolutely fucking nothing. This thing has a base stat total of only 330 and it isn't even able to evolve (everybody was surprised that Luvdisc and Alomomola, a Gen. V Pokémon that was introduced years later, weren't related whatsoever), meaning it's only good for wasting space in your PC box. Or for harvesting Heart Scales, for that matter, but even that has been made quite redundant recently, as they're fairly easy to obtain without abusing the hell out of a bunch of Luvdisc first. Seriously, just catch one to fill your Pokédex and immediately trade it off for a Steelix with a guy in the Cyllage City Pokémon Center. I swear, that's a hell of a trade.

Shitty Pokémon is shitty.

So shitty, in fact, that absolutely nobody fucking wants it.

This bitch ain't nothing but a flat, pink, heart-shaped fish. 

And that's a problem when these kissing gouramis are found LITERALLY EVERYWHERE! In Ruby, Sapphire and their remakes, you can't even fish for another Pokémon without encountering a couple of Luvdisc first, and in X and Y they are found all along the western and northwestern coastal area of Kalos. During the spawning season, countless Luvdisc congregate at coral reefs, turning the waters a brilliant pink. That's when you know when there are too goddamn many of them. Tentacool? Zubat? Give me a break, it's Pelipper and Luvdisc I'm tired of seeing all the fucking time. And then its name... "Love disc?" Are you serious? I, of all people, could have come up with that name, and I dare say I'm pretty unimaginative. Well, it earned its name by swimming after loving couples it spotted in the ocean's waves, and it has been a symbol of love and romance ever since, so I guess I'm not the only one who's terrible at making up names. We all know two people in love are cringy as hell, right? It is said that any couple meeting this Pokémon is promised a loving, eternal relationship, and there is a custom from long ago of giving a Luvdisc as a gift to express one's feelings of love. Honeymoon hotels even release this Pokémon into their pools on a regular basis because couples have a soft spot for it. Trust me, if I am given a Luvdisc by my boyfriend as an expression of his love, I'd throw that goddamn thing right back at him anime style and say he'll have to fetch me a Shinx or something. Or else.

Hated Pokémon is hated.

So hated, in fact, that it is universally thought to have one of the laziest designs of all existing Pokémon. I can't help but to concur.

Flat, pink, heart-shaped 3D fish. 

It's kind of ironic that my cries to put Luvdisc out of its misery are answered by a Pokémon I hate even more: when a Luvdisc is left on its own, it becomes despondent, leaving itself open to be snatched up by Pelipper. Even though it'd be better for it to not exist, it still does, and it was even given an anime special ("Luvdisc is a Many Splendored Thing", a reference to the film Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing, as well as the song with the same name featured in the film) focusing on two Luvdisc called Caserin and Luverin owned by Misty and some unknown chick. The most incomprehensible thing about it all is that Dr. Namba - the same mad scientist who tried to kidnap Silver, that baby Lugia - wants to steal them for his plan to reverse their power in order to eliminate all love from the world forever. In the Japanese dub, however, he just wants those Luvdisc for one of its Team Rocket projects, which... makes no sense. I understood Namba for wanting Lugia, as it's a frickin' legendary and all, but Luvdisc? Anything is better than that pointless and unimaginative little fish thing. Luvdisc? More like, "Don't-make-me-fucking-laugh disc."

Useless Pokémon is useless.

So useless, in fact, that it needs to be exterminated already. Does somebody want to volunteer?

P.S.: I knew Smogon wouldn't disappoint me.

Rating: 1/5

#369: Relicanth

As Relicanth comes right after Huntail and Gorebyss in the National Pokédex, it's probably not a coincidence it has the same base stat total as the Pokémon who precede it, right? It's even found in the same underwater areas as Clamperl, although it has to be said that it's much rarer to be found.

Official art of Relicanth by Ken Sugimori. I have absolutely no
idea what the red spot on its body is doing there. 

Relicanth, however, focuses less on offense and more on defense, sporting great HP and defense and close-to-horrid special defense. This comes at the cost of its special attack, which is terrible and shouldn't be used, but at least its base 90 attack is something we can work with. Its speed is low - although it is surprisingly faster than Huntail and Gorebyss - but it has access to Rock Polish and thus has a way to work around that. Once it manages to set once up, Relicanth is fast enough to fuck opponents up with Head Smash, a STAB rock-type move with 150 power that normally deals recoil damage, which is now prevented by its ability Rock Head. As for the rest of its moveset, Waterfall is a must as it gains STAB from it, while the other slot could be filled by either Zen Headbutt or Earthquake, depending on what you need. Whereas a physical moveset like this should be supported by a Life Orb or Stone Plate (either is fine, although a Life Orb will wear it down more easily) and a Jolly or Adamant nature, Relicanth can also be used as a defensive pivot. Give it an Impish nature, let it hold the Leftovers and invest in HP and defense, and you'll have a reliable Stealth Rock user with the classic Toxic/Protect combo as well. Waterfall or Scald can be used over Protect, and in case of the latter you'll have to change its nature into a Relaxed one so that its special attack isn't hindered. Relicanth does still need an attacking move despite its defensive use, and that honor usually goes to Head Smash in combination with Rock Head or Rock Slide in conjunction with Sturdy. This is mainly done to prevent recoil damage of any kind.

That's a nifty-ass papercraft Relicanth, i.m.o.

I had always wanted to use one on my team, and I was adamant to use one in my very first Alpha Sapphire playthrough, which I did. It's an interesting Pokémon after all, being heavily based on the coelacanth, which is in fact pronounced 'see-luh-kanth'. The coelacanth is a fish that was thought to have gone extinct at the end of the Cretacious period nearly 66 million years ago, until a single specimen was found off the east coast of South Africa in 1938. Since then, extensive research has been done and another extant coelacanth species was discovered years later in 1999. The entire order of fish have been called living fossils ever since, although the coelacanth's continued survival may be threatened by commercial deep-sea trawling, in which it is caught as bycatch more often than preferable. Relicanth, on the other hand, was fortuitously rediscovered on a submarine expedition rather than during fishing, having remained unchanged in over 100 million years. Like with Huntail and Gorebyss, its Pokédex entries also mention it being able to withstand the enormous water pressure of the ocean depths, but this time it is more obvious by taking a look at Relicanth's design, flavor and typing: its body is filled with thick fat, its scales are like craggy rocks and its rock typing clearly makes it sturdier overall.

TCG art of Relicanth on a holographic card.

I really like Relicanth. It's an interesting idea to base a Pokémon off of a fish that was once thought to have gone exinct millions of years ago, even though its rocky head is reminiscent of a certain species of actually extinct fish called placodermi. The head and thorax of a placoderm were covered by armored plates and the rest of its body was scaled or naked depending on the species, just like Relicanth appears to be. Design-wise, Relicanth really is just a sylized coelacanth, and its flavor sure points that way, too. This Pokémon isn't one of my absolute favorites yet, but it could easily become one if I spend some more time with it. For now, though, I think I'm giving this thing 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Rating: 4.5/5

#366 - #368: Clamperl, Huntail & Gorebyss

See? Clamperl's head is not actually the pearl on Spoink's head;
it produces an entirely separate pearl when it's on the brink of
evolution. 

Clamperl is one of two Gen. III Pokémon that can be found exclusively in the underwater areas of Hoenn, which you can reach by using the Dive HM. This Pokémon is only really interesting because it can evolve into two different deep-sea fish, which bivalves seldomly (that is to say, never) do in real-life; however, it would have been exceptional for an invertebrate mollusk to change into fish if only it hadn't been for the fact that this is the Pokémon franchise, where a remora becomes an octopus and dragons and dinosaurs have pupal stages. Then there's Clamperl's head, which looks like a pearl but doesn't actually become a Spoink's prized possession. In Spoink and Grumpig's entry I already mentioned that Spoink adores its pearl and even gets weaker when it's not holding on to it, but I also mentioned that the pearl on top of its head doesn't seem to be Clamperl's own head: Clamperl produces only one magnificent pearl in its entire lifetime, which is when its body becomes too large for its nicked and scratched shell and the Pokémon is on the verge of evolving. The pearl is said to be infused with a mysterious energy, which simply means it amplifies psychic powers, especially Spoink's.

Huntail as seen in TCG. I'd swear the tip of its tail resembles a Gorebyss's head.

When traded holding a Deep Sea Tooth, Clamperl evolves into Huntail. This oblong, eel-like fish uses the white spot on the tip of its tail - which resembles a small fishie with a single dorsal and pectoral fin - to entice pray before snapping it up with its large jaw. This is very reminiscent to biological and behavioral features of the gulper eel or pelican eel, which is known for having a giant mouth larger than its body. The tip of its tail is equipped with a light-producing organ known as a photophore, which turns pink through the process of bioluminescence, and is believed to be used by the pelican eel to lure its prey with because its body isn't built for hunting - though, ironically, the Pokémon it is based on is called Huntail. Huntail's spine is thick and sturdy because it has to live in the deepest depths of the sea, but I guess all deep-sea fish (or Pokémon) have found a way to withstand the crushing pressure deep under the sea.

Even though Huntail looks frail, it is actually surprisingly defensive stat-wise, but only in its defense stat: its HP is garbage and its special defense isn't all that. Its base 52 speed also doesn't make it very fast, but Huntail has one trick up its sleeve to get around that, which is Shell Smash. Obviously, this move is learned by Clamperl, but as Pokémon can retain the moves it has learned as its pre-evolutions, Huntail also has access to it. Shell Smash raises its attack, special attack and speed by two stages each, while its defense and special defense are both lowered by one stage each, but Huntail can hold a White Herb to restore its defenses. As this Pokémon is mostly a physical attacker (104 base attack v. 94 base special attack), a physical moveset consisting of Crunch, Ice Fang and either Waterfall or Aqua Tail is recommended, as is an Adamant or Jolly nature and its hidden ability Water Veil. Burn prevention is a good thing for a physical attacker, trust me.

TCG art of Gorebyss.

When traded holding a Deep Sea Scale, on the other hand, Clamperl evolves into Gorebyss. Bulbapedia offers quite a few suggestions on Gorebyss's origins, but I found exactly one animal that is the spitting image of this Pokémon: the long-nosed chimaera - and I am not talking about that mythological lion/goat/snake hybrid creature. Like Gorebyss, the long-nosed chimaera - or rhinochimaeridae - is a deep-sea fish living in the abyssal depths below 3,000 feet. These creatures stem from normal chimaeras and, like its cousins, they are commonly called rat fish or ghost sharks, even though they are not technically sharks; they are merely distant relatives of sharks and rays, having branched off from them nearly 400 million years ago and having remained a distinct lineage that has been basically unchanged ever since. And as if the resemblance with Gorebyss wasn't enough already, long-nosed chimaeras take on a pinkish hue when fished out of the water.

Huntail and Gorebyss.

Flavor-wise, Gorebyss is far more savage than Huntail. It uses its long, pointed snout to stab prey and siphon their body fluids... which oddly reminds me of a certain Gen. I fossil Pokémon called Kabutops, if I'm not mistaken. Many of its Pokédex entries mention its elegance and beauty, but all I can think of when I see it is that it's kinda weird. Again, Gorebyss is described as being able to withstand the enormous pressure of water at incredible depths. Therefore, its body is unharmed by ordinary attacks, giving it a very defensive touch. Like Huntail, however, its HP is booty and its special defense is mediocre, making its defense yet again its best defensive stat. But whereas Huntail can be both physical and special, Gorebyss really is more focused on special attack rather than physical attack: its special attack is a nothing-to-sneeze-at base 114, while its base attack is a less viable 84. Moreover, Gorebyss doesn't learn any physical moves of significance, which means you'll have to fall back on its decent special movepool. A White Herb set with the move Shell Smash is evident here - Gorebyss, too, can obtain this move through its pre-evolution Clamperl - and the rest of its moveset is filled up by Hydro Pump, Psychic and Ice Beam, although it can also learn Shadow Ball, Scald, Surf and Signal Beam if you're desperately in need of these moves (probably not). Naturally, Gorebyss fares better with a Modest or Timid nature rather than an Adamant or Jolly one. It doesn't have access to Water Veil, and if I may be honest, neither of the two abilities it does have are overly viable. Swift Swim doubles its speed in rain and Hydration makes it get rid of a status condition in rain, so putting it on some kind of rain team is definitely an option. If you don't, either is fine; like Huntail, Gorebyss can need the extra speed, although getting rid of pesky status conditions like that may help your cause as well.

Jesus fuck, I wouldn't want to encounter this thing underwater. Goddamn. (This
piece of Huntail fan art is awesome, though.)

Clamperl and its evolution are an interesting bunch, to say the least. I hate the 'holding an item' kind of thing when trading off a Pokémon in order to evolve it, but I'm pretty sure I have both Huntail and Gorebyss in my possession now. Thing is, I will probably never use these things, whether it be in-game or competitively, because they're too much of a hassle to obtain and I'm not really a huge fan of these Pokémon in the first place. I can get behind Huntail's design; Gorebyss's, not so much.

Rating Huntail: 4/5

Rating Gorebyss: 2/5

#363 - #365: Spheal, Sealeo & Walrein

Isn't Spheal honestly the most adorable thing you've ever seen? When playing through Pokémon Sapphire for the first time, I immediately fell in love with it and decided it would be on my team for the remainder of the playthrough... until it evolved, that is. It's a shame Game Freak felt obliged to give Spheal a first- and second-stage evolution, but I guess the end justifies the means; Spheal doesn't look like it's strong on its own, and it certainly isn't, so its evolutions were mere necessities. That doesn't stop me from loving this thing more than its evolutions, though; I put it on number 50 in my top 50 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, which I did for a reason, and it is still one of my favorite Pokémon to date.

It is just. Too. Cute.

Adorable little Spheal in TCG. Look at it, it's so happy!

One of the reasons for that is obviously its round shape. It looks like it can be used as a ball for all kinds of ball sports such as soccer, basketball and volleyball, and even leisure activities like bowling or bouncing around on a Hoppity Hop. Can you even imagine using it as a ball for certain kinds of arcade games, like Skee-Ball and pinball? In Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire, you can't actually use Spheal as a pinball to play with, but you can try to hit Spheal with the pinball - which is a Poké Ball or an upgraded version of that in this game - once one of them hops onto the icy slide. If you manage to do that, the Spheal will accelerate and go up the slide, ending up on a Sealeo that will bounce it into the basket (the same kind used in basketball) with its nose, as seen in the image below. It'll earn you more points than throwing the 'pinball' up the slide.

The Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire. The left Sealeo
is tossing a Poké Ball - the 'pinball' - into the basket, while the right one is tossing a
Spheal into it after the player gave it a push with their Poké Ball.

Spheal's appearance and flavor makes it even cuter: the stubby little ears, the sparkling eyes, the funny muzzle, its happy face... Did you know Spheal claps its fins when it's happy or cheerful, and that groups of them clap in unison when they're having a meal together, just to show their pleasure? That must be a sight to behold, and their noises must be like music to your ears. Too cute. Also, did you know that its blue fur is actually really plushy? Or that it moves around by rolling across ice floes because its body isn't suited for swimming or walking? Well, at least you know now, and none of this information is even the least bit trivial, goddammit. For heaven's sake, it is known for crossing oceans atop icebergs. That is not something I'm against, either: Spheal can bob right towards Europe, hop onto the Dutch mainland and jump directly into my arms, because it puts a smile on my face every time I look at it and I want to have one right this fucking instant. Spheal is pure joy. Spheal is love. Spheal is life. And if you don't agree with me, I'mma hunt you down and force you to watch images, videos and GIFs of Spheal until you can't take no more and die of sheer cuteness.

(Disclaimer: I may have exaggerated just a little bit in the paragraph above. Don't take me too seriously, now.)

Sealeo's official Sugimori art. Is it just me, or does Sealeo have a
double chin?

But then Spheal evolves and I have to miss my precious little beach ball. Sealeo doesn't look bad by any means - it is perfectly fat for a seal and looks like a logical evolution of my beloved little bouncing ball - but I'm not a big fan of its design and part of that is owing to that weirdly shaped mustache, which are actually whiskers; thick, fat whiskers at that, goddamn. I know their purpose is to make Sealeo blend in with Spheal and its evolution Walrein, who is even hairier than Sealeo, but I feel like they're too big for Sealeo's face. I also have the feeling many people readily forget it exist, and I must say it is kind of a forgettable Pokémon, even though it's a moderately interesting one flavor-wise. While its name suggests it's based on a sea lion, it is actually inspired from seals, much like its pre-evolution. Like the real deal, Sealeo tends to roll anything new it sees on its snout to test its smell and texture, even entertaining itself by balancing Spheal on its nose (as demonstrated by the Spheal bonus stage in Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire). Sealeo's tenedency to balance things on its muzzle is very reminiscent of the way seals in zoological parks perform tricks to provide for our entertainment. You can find the English word 'juggler' in Sealeo's Japanese name Todoggler (トドグラー), while its respective French and German names of Phogleur and Seejong both derive from jongleur - or Jongleur in German, because the German tend to capitalize every single noun - and its Chinese name Hǎimóshī (海魔獅) contains mó​shù​shī, which can also mean 'magician'.

TCG art of Walrein.

But Sealeo's juggling days are over when it evolves into Walrein, who is a... walrus. I mean, if a goddamn seagull can turn into an annoying-ass pelican or a bunch of eggs (pardon me, seeds) can change into a dragon-type coconut palm, surely a seal can evolve into a walrus, right? Anything is possible in Pokémon. At least Walrein's design has a certain degree of coherency, as its white hair blends in quite well with its blue body, whereas Sealeo's huge mustache feels comically out of place. The cream color of Spheal and Sealeo's bodies are now almost entirely gone in Walrein's design, and only its huge and powerful tusks look yellow now. Seriously, Walrein, brush your teeth. All joking aside, Walrein's prized tusks are strong enough to break a 10-ton iceberg in one hit, although it is possible for them to break off during battle. As if Spheal and Sealeo weren't fat enough, Walrein now has a thick blubber that not only repels incoming attacks, but also protects it against the temperatures of the frigid waters it swims in.

This looks amazing. Very realistic!

And Walrein is a bulky motherfucker, that's for sure. It's damn nigh impossible to kill it in one hit, and that is due to its crazy base 110 HP stat and very decent base 90 defenses. Unfortunately, it lacks access to Scald and therefore loses a bit of its competitive utility, but at least it's still a great addition to any in-game team due to its high special attack and access to Surf and Ice Beam. (Did I really say that Walrein isn't a good Pokémon to use in a playthrough when I was counting down my list of favorite Pokémon four years ago? God to the fucking damn, I was so dumb and ignorant back then.) Granted, Walrein isn't very zippy, nor is its moveset overly diverse, but its ability to tank hits and retaliate with strong STAB moves can make it a valuable asset to your team. And should you desire to make it more diverse move-wise, you can make it a physical attacker: its base 80 attack stat isn't terrible, and it has acces to some very nifty physical-based moves such as Aqua Tail, Waterfall, Ice Fang, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Iron Head and Iron Tail. Competitively, it's not recommended to use Walrein as an all-out attacker. It's better to utilize its bulk and use it as a supportive Pokémon with a defensive nature, the Thick Fat ability and Leftovers as its held item, as it has access to some interesting status moves: Roar forces the opposing Pokémon to switch out and prevents it from setting up with moves like Calm Mind and Swords Dance, Encore locks the opposing Pokémon into a conceivably undesirable move, Super Fang always deals damage equal to half of the opposing Pokémon's remaining HP, and the Toxic/Protect combo is a classic.

Instead of another Walrein picture, you're getting an image of this adorable Spheal
plushie. Look at it, who could withstand this fluffy pinniped? 

Walrein is alright and all, and I definitely don't hate or dislike it in any way, but I just adore Spheal for its cuteness. I don't give a fuck about how good or bad it is in-game or competitively; some Pokémon belong to my favorites because they are cute, which is also the case with Furret, Shuckle and Mew - although the latter is actually really good in the competitive metagame. I could keep gushing about Spheal, but you already know by now what I think about it and what rating it's going to get.

P.S.: Did you know that Spheal and its evolutions are actually primary ice?

Rating Spheal: 5/5

Rating Walrein: 4/5

#351: Castform

You know, Game Freak, even I could've come up with a better Pokémon focusing around the weather mechanics in the game than this pair of balls/boobs/buns (cross out wherever inapplicable).

The split personalities of Castform. Maybe it's better for it to go
see a psychiatrist. 

Based on the teru teru bōzu, a small Japanese charm doll made of white paper or cloth used to wish for good weather, Castform is an artificial Pokémon made by Hoenn's Weather Institute. Its body is made of cells exactly like those of water molecules, causing its structure to be altered by temperature and humidity in order to protect its tiny body. This gives it the power to change forms based on the weather on the battlefield: Sunny Forme in sunny weather, Rainy Forme in rainy weather and Snowy Forme when it's hailing (but hail is not snow, goddammit). Its former signature move Weather Ball is a 50-power normal-type move that doubles in power with a weather condition up, changes type depending on whether it's raining or hailing or whether the sun is shining, and provides STAB for whatever form Castform is in at the moment. This excludes a sandstorm, which does change Weather Ball's type into rock and doubles its power to 100, but doesn't cause a molecular change in Castform and therefore provides mere type coverage rather than STAB. Unfortunately, there is nothing Castform can do with this whole weather thing, as it has to set up a weather condition first, which its mediocre stats won't allow it to do. Base 70 stats across the board are nothing to write home about, as it can't take a hit very well and won't be able to hit very hard in return. A Pokémon based on the English saying "rain, hail, or shine" (whatever the weather; or, more figuratively, whatever the situation) is an interesting concept, but GameFreak could have made Castform a little bit better, at least; for example, increase the base stats of its weather forms to between 85 and 90 each, letting Castform end up with a base stat total of between 510 and 540 rather than 420. As the situation is right now, however, I can't even come up with a good competitive set for it. It's not even that good to use in-game, so...

Castform and its three weather forms lined up. 

For now, there are hardly any redeeming qualities to be found in Castform. I mean, I like how it looks like a giant H2O molecule in some way, and that its name is a play on 'forecast', but that's pretty much everything. I mean, its different forms didn't even get separate Pokédex entries until Pokémon Sun and Moon, and even then I didn't know why the hell they had to include Castform in the Alola Pokédex.

Sunny Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes on the brightest of days. Its skin is unexpectedly hot to the touch, so approach with care."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when basking in fair weather. Its body is warm and toasty."

Rainy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when soaked with rain. When its body is compressed, water will seep out as if from a sponge."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform's form during a downpour of rain. Its body retains moisture and gets slippery."

Snowy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when covered in snow. Its body becomes an ice-like material, with a temperature near 23 degrees Fahrenheit."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when caught in a hailstorm. Its cold skin is as smooth as ice."

Adding an additional form to Castform that is based on the sandstorm weather
condition may not be a bad idea. Then again, it would be yet another gimmicky
form of the same goddamn Pokémon with the same goddamn base stats. Also,
this fan-made 'Rocky Forme' looks a hell of a lot like Baltoy in a way. 

So, nothing special, right? For a Pokémon based on the sun, it's to be expected its skin feels so hot. For a Pokémon based on rain, it's not a surprise it's so moisty and spongy. For a Pokémon based on a snow cloud, it's logical its temperature is near 23 degrees. All three forms are outclassed by other Pokémon focusing around heat, moisture and cold, flavor-wise as well as stat-wise, and all look a little too obviously like weather references in the first place, making them look dumb. I also think they're mildly inappropriate - especially the regular form, which looks like a pair of testicles, breasts or buttocks with a giant head on top; in the latter case even a reversed head, mind you - but maybe that's just my perverse, adult mind.

Balls, why is Castform so bad?

Rating: 1.5/5

#349 - #350: Feebas & Milotic

I may not have been posting reviews very often recently, but that's because I had a lot do on a personal scale and just didn't really have the time to write anything. Plus, I am currently keeping up with everything related to the Eurovision Song Contest held in Kyiv, Ukraine in the upcoming week (go, OG3NE!), so I expect the pace at which I post these Pokémon reviews will accelerate after the Grand Final next Saturday.

This is a pretty accurate meme, I'd say. Its scarcity, in stark
contrast to Magikarp's overpopulation, is absolutely infuriating.

For right now, though, I have the time to discuss the next Pokémon in the numerical order, being Feebas and its evolution Milotic. The former is an ugly and shabby-looking fish, while the latter is a sea serpent said to be the most beautiful Pokémon in existence. This makes their evolution very similar to that of Magikarp and Gyarados aesthetic-wise, because y'all know Magikarp is a pathetic and useless little fishie and Gyarados is a badass sea dragon. However, while there seems to be an overabundance of Magikarp in practically every game, finding Feebas was a fucking drag in the original GBA games: the probability of finding a water tile with a Feebas on Route 119 is approximately 1:73, with six fishing spots on 436 water tiles. In Mt. Coronet in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, the odds of finding a Feebas - at 1:132 - are even slimmer than in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, with four possible fishing spots on 528 water tiles. In addition to that, you need to maximize its Beauty stat in order for you to evolve it, which makes it the only Pokémon that needs a modification in its Contest stats for it to evolve at all. In later generations, however, Game Freak made it so that Feebas could be found in the entire fishing area, although sometimes the odds of finding one aren't more than 5% under normal conditions. Evolving it has been less of a drag as well lately, as it changes into Milotic when traded holding a Prism Scale.

The beautiful and elegant Milotic with its ugly child, Feebas.
I believe it's giving its parent a Heart Scale. 

Like with Magikarp and Gyarados, there couldn't have been a bigger contrast between the ugly and ragged-looking Feebas and the beautiful and elegant Milotic. Feebas's Pokédex entries even state that it is largely ignored by Pokémon Trainers and scientists/researchers alike for its hideous appearance (although its Moon entry states that its marvelous vitality has made it a subject of research), but it is a hardy Pokémon capable of living anywhere and eating anything. It's dim-witted and gullible, though, which makes it easy to capture once you've found it. Owning one of these bass - though they bear some uncanny resemblances to marine hatchetfish, including the flat body, large eyes, big mouth and ugliness - will eventually pay off, because Milotic is indeed nothing short of gorgeous. Its lovely scales are described as rainbow-colored, changing color depending on the viewing angle, and its captivating beauty has been the inspiration for many works of art, including paintings and statues. Now, Parfum Palace is probably one of the most stately places in X and Y, but what really catches your eye is the beautiful gold statue of Milotic in the foyer. 'Beauty' is even in its English and foreign names, although not in an obvious way: 'Milotic' is derived from a statue called Venus de Milo, a work of ancient Greek sculpture well-known for being an example of beauty. Its pale, elongated body and extended, red dorsal fins are reminiscent of an incredibly rare species of fish called the oarfish. Milotic may therefore be a pure water type, but its flavor suggests it could have had psychic as its secondary type: this pacifist Pokémon has the power to becalm human emotions such as anger and hostility and end arguments by releasing a wave of pinkish energy, and in the anime it is shown moving by floating in the air. It doesn't have any significantly useful psychic-type moves, though, so we can throw that idea out the window.

Gorgeous, right?

I've mentioned Gyarados several times already, but Milotic has a lot of similarities with this aggressive sea dragon: both are serpentine forms of weak fish Pokémon, both appear in times of conflict (Milotic to becalm, Gyarados to wreak havoc), both have base stat totals of 540 - sharing the same HP, defense and speed, and the same base stat values in attack, special attack and special defense but in a different arrangement - and both are tied with each other for the greatest increase in base stat total upon evolving, at 340 points.

More beautiful fan art of Milotic.

And a base stat total of 540 definitely comes in handy in competitive play. With base 95 HP and 125 special defense, Milotic serves as a great special tank, and a Bold nature boosts its base 79 physical defense to make it just an overall defensive pivot. A Calm nature is perfectly feasible as well, but Milotic is specially defensive in itself and you'd probably want to buff its physical defense a little. If you do invest the required EVs in defense and HP, you won't be able to boost its special attack all that much, but at a base 100 it's respectable anyway. Moreover, Milotic should be able to tank hits and then hit back with a Scald for a chance to burn the opponent and lessen the damage output of physical moves even more (a burn halves the opponent's attack stat). That's not all, though, as you should do everything in your might to assure Milotic's longevity: its ridiculous bulk is backed up by the move Recover, which heals half of its HP whenever it is used, and the held item Leftovers, which heal a little of its HP at the end of every turn. To round out its moveset, you should give it Ice Beam for some nice type coverage and Haze to reset all stat changes on the battlefield. The latter is especially handy to counter Pokémon that rely on stat boosts to overcome Milotic and sweep the rest of your team. Alternatively, Dragon Tail is a move with negative priority but forces the current opposing Pokémon out in exchange for another when it hits. And as if Milotic wasn't sporting enough bulk already, it has access to an ability called Marvel Scale, which increases its defense whenever it suffers from a status condition. It has another ability called Competitive, which sharply increases its special attack every time one of its stats is lowered, and its hidden ability Cute Charm is terrible and shouldn't even be touched. Marvel Scale is generally better than Competitive, although the special attack boost can be nice at times.

Whoever knit this shiny Milotic is very talented. 

I have to be honest here and say that Milotic is only one of my favorite Pokémon because it's pretty. There's a vast array of pretty fan art of Milotic to be found on the Internet as well, and I have to say I could hardly choose. I've never used one in a playthrough due to Feebas's annoying evolution method, but I currently have one that is level 1 and I could probably use it on a team of solely serpentine Pokémon consisting of Seviper, Milotic, Steelix, Gyarados, Serperior and Dragonair; no Arbok because Seviper is already a pure poison type, no Huntail and/or Gorebyss because I'd have a pure water type in Milotic already, and no Rayquaza because it's OP as fuck. I've used themed teams before, most noticeably my feline team led by Luxray, and I could totally do it. Heck, I totally want to do it, but I just don't have the time right now.

While I ranked Milotic number 10 in my top 10 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, it definitely isn't in my top 10 anymore. That's partly due to my recently acquired love for phenomenal steel types like Steelix, Skarmory, Celesteela, Solgaleo, Klinklang, Metagross and Ferrothorn, all of which easily hold spots in my top 20, but also because my love for it has died down a little. I still love it, of course, and it deserves no less than a perfect rating from me.

P.S.: I like how Feebas's French name of Barpau is phonetically similar to pas beau, which means 'not beautiful'. That's some real shade you're throwing at Feebas, Game Freak! Personally, I think it's a bit of an understatement.

Rating: 5/5