#63 - #65: Abra, Kadabra & Alakazam

Official art of the little asshole that is called an Abra.

Argh, this sneaky little motherfucker...

Remember how in Zubat's entry I talked about how much of a nuisance they are to everybody, but that I myself have no problem with those things? Well, there's a Pokémon that does annoy me every fucking time it shows itself: Abra. That is not because they appear so frequently (there is no Pokémon that you will encounter as much as Zubat), but because the goddamn things ALWAYS FLEE WHENEVER I TRY TO CATCH ONE! Not surprising, because Abra is all about teleporting: when it senses danger, which it does by reading minds, it teleports itself to a safer place so quickly that it creates the illusion of having made copies of itself. And by hypnotizing itself, it is able to teleport or use any of its other extrasensory abilities at any time. Abra's telepathic powers tire it immensely though, which results in it sleeping 18 hours a day. Now, here's the thing: before Gen. IV it was next to impossible to catch an Abra, because it only had Teleport, which means you had to toss a Poké Ball at it while it was at full health. There wasn't even time to weaken it, because it would use Teleport to flee from the battle right away. And you never encountered a sleeping Abra; God, no, because that would have been way too easy! Thank God for the introduction of Quick Balls in Gen. IV; with those you can definitely catch an Abra on the first turn.

Kadabra (left) and Alakazam (right) engaged in an exciting game of psychic
chess, while Abra (middle) is watching amusedly.

Once you have it, however, it really pays off. Abra evolves into Kadabra, which even has stronger psychic powers than its pre-evolution: it creates alpha waves that induce headaches and it can cause clocks to run backwards, machines to malfunction, and delicate devices to stop functioning altogether. Kadabra's spoon is the source of its real power though, because Kadabra can double the amplitude of its alpha waves when it's holding its spoon, and can increase it even further by closing its eyes and, perhaps unintentionally, when it feels that it is in danger. In short, Kadabra is a powerful Pokémon with base 120 special attack and base 105 speed, which means that it doesn't need to evolve into Alakazam (but it's a nice bonus when it does). You might not be able to when you're playing all by yourself anyway, because Kadabra evolves by trading it to another game. Unlike Poliwhirl, however, Kadabra isn't required to hold an item while it is traded away.

Rare Candy Treatment had a point with this comic
strip, though...

Better make sure to obtain Alakazam, though, because it is better than Kadabra in any possible way. Well, it is absolutely not strong physically: it has weak muscles, which is why it uses all forms of psychic powers to move its body and hold up its head. That's right, its head is way too heavy for its neck to support, due to its continually growing brain. It is said to remember everything that it has experienced since hatching as an Abra and its IQ is believed to exceed 5,000. That is when it gets weird. I mean, think about it: if Alakazam is so intelligent, WHY HAS IT NEVER BEEN ABLE TO LEARN MORE THAN FOUR BATTLE MOVES IN THE NINETEEN YEARS IT EXISTS??? I am fully aware that it's part of the game mechanics, but come on... It is this kind of inconsistencies that really bugs me sometimes. Even though it is never explicitly mentioned that Alakazam can learn more than four battle moves, the fact that it remembers everything suggests that it cannot forget move it has learned, so having it forget a move for another really goes against what Alakazam is all about. Luckily, though, Game Freak blessed us with a Mega evolution for Alakazam, meaning that Alakazam can hit even harder and faster than it already did. And when I say 'hard', I mean HARD!

Official Sugimori art of Mega Alakazam.

Complete with the weird-ass beard and mustache and a red gem stuck on its forehead, Mega Alakazam looks like a wise elder. It gets three additional spoons on top of the two spoons it already had, which it now levitates in the air, right above its head. While regular Alakazam already has good special attack and speed, Mega Alakazam's base special attack and base speed are 175 and 150, respectively. I dare say that is pretty goddamn excellent, but its HP, attack and defense are still atrocious. Mega Alakazam did get a small boost in its defense, while its special defense is still very decent, but its low HP stat negates all that: it will not be able to eat up more than two hits. Then again, Mega Alakazam is supposed to be a wallbreaker (stop Pokémon who are trying to set up), revenge killer (avenge a fallen teammate) and sweeper. Aside from Psychic and/or Psyshock, the moves it can learn provide for excellent coverage as well, like Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Energy Ball, Dazzling Gleam and even Signal Beam. Substitute can be used to get initiative, while Encore is handy to shut down set-up Pokémon. Regular Alakazam has the ability Magic Guard, which negates additional damage from things such as entry hazards, held items, status ailments and weather conditions, which can come in handy before you Mega-evolve it into Mega Alakazam.

Uri Geller (depicted) was not amused that his name and image was used to create
the Pokémon Kadabra (Yungerer in Japanese) and sued Nintendo for it.

One fun fact before I move on to my conclusion: the Japanese names of Abra, Kadabra and Alakazam are based on real-life psychics and illusionists. Abra's Japanese name is Casey
(ケーシィ), after Edgar Cayce; Kadabra's Japanese name is Yungerer (ユンゲラー), which is a corruption of Uri Geller; and Alakazam is Foodin (フーディン) in Japanese, which can be spelled as Houdin and is most probably a reference to Jean Eugène Robert-Houdin and/or Harry Houdini. Uri Geller was not amused that a Pokémon was named after him, especially since it is holding a bent spoon (which is clearly a reference to Geller), and sued Nintendo in 2000 for the unauthorized appropriation of his identity. He was of the opinion that Nintendo turned him into an evil, occult Pokémon character, but the judge disagreed with him, resulting in Geller losing the lawsuit.

To sum it all up, Abra and its evolutions have been an interesting bunch since the very beginning of the Pokémon franchise. They started as real powerhouses in Gen. I, when the psyhic type was still broken as fuck, and have gone through some serious changes as a result of Game Freak's attempt to make the psychic type less superior to other types (which they did to dragons by introducing the fairy type in Gen. VI as well) by turning the type match-up chart upside down. Alakazam is still a force to be reckoned with, especially since the boost as a Mega, but I have to be honest and say that this Pokémon has lost a little of its appeal. I still like Alakazam, but I am not giving it a perfect rating by any means.

Rating: 4/5

#60 - #62, #186: Poliwag, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath & Politoed

The round form of Poliwag makes it somewhat cute and cuddly.

Tadpoles, my ass...

Alright then, I'll admit that Poliwag is a tadpole. And quite honestly, it is a creepy tadpole at that, because the spiral pattern on its belly is supposed to represent how the intestines of real-life tadpoles are sometimes seen through their transparent skins. Gross. I'm not particularly fond of slimy amphibian things in the first place, but that gets even worse when their intestines are clearly visible. One could call such a phenomenon fascinating, but I'm not buying it. What I'm also not buying is the whole Poliwhirl-being-a-tadpole thing. You know, when Poliwag evolves into Poliwhirl, the tail disappears and arms and hands (with what are supposedly gloves attached to it) are added, which really makes me think Poliwhirl isn't supposed to be a tadpole anymore, even though it is still a middle-stage Pokémon and the spiral pattern, still resembling intestines, remains. Admittedly, due to their round bodies and big eyes, both Poliwag and Poliwhirl have a somewhat adorable appearance, which might make one argue that both are tadpoles. But I refuse to believe that one of Poliwhirl's final evolutions, Poliwrath, is a tadpole. It's a grown-ass frog, goddammit!

The Gen. I Poliwag evolution line: Poliwag (middle, standing on
top of Poliwhirl's hand), Poliwhirl (left) and Poliwrath (right).

Poliwrath, which can be obtained by exposing Poliwhirl to a Water Stone, doesn't differ all that much from its pre-evolution, but there are several features that will make you go, 'THAT THING IS NOT A GODDAMN TADPOLE!' (Yes, it bothers me; can you tell?) The angry eyes that bulge from its head like a grown frog, for instance. Or its fierce stance. Its muscular body. The arms and the gloved hands. Its weight (119 pounds) and height (4'03"). Its typing. Indeed, on top of its primary water typing, Poliwrath gains the fighting type upon evolution. It even swims faster than the best human champion swimmers and is able to swim back and forth across the Pacific Ocean without much effort. I don't know much about frogs and tadpoles, but tadpoles can't fight and swim like Poliwrath can; that I know for sure. Then again, anything is possible in the Pokémon world, but even when I take that into account I still don't see a tadpole in Poliwrath. I'm sorry that I'm nagging on about this whole tadpole thing, but it bothers me so much that I had to put it out there. If anything, Poliwhirl and Poliwrath are based on glass frogs, a frog species whose organs are - you guessed it - clearly visible through its transparent skin. I still think that's nasty, though.

The entire Poli family: Poliwag (top right, on top of the square-shaped Poké Ball
box Poliwhirl is balancing on its fist), Poliwhirl (right), Poliwrath (back) and
Politoed (left). No, the crown is not naturally a part of Politoed, but a reference to
its status as a king among the Polis as well as its evolution method.

Enough about that; there is another evolution to discuss! That would be Politoed, who couldn't look any more different from Poliwhirl, but does have the most logical evolution if we maintain the whole tadpole-to-frog thing. While obtaining Poliwrath is easy, the method to obtain a Politoed (who is classified as the 'Frog Pokémon' by the Pokédex, thank the heavens above) is a lot more complicated. It requires the item King's Rock, which is not only harder to find in most games, but also doesn't just evolve Poliwhirl into Politoed. You'll have to have Poliwhirl hold the item and trade it to another game of the same generation. That only works if you have two 3DSs or a friend who is willing to trade with you. Poliwhirl may be the first Pokémon we come across that requires trading to evolve it, but it will definitely not be the last. It's an annoying evolution method for sure, especially if you're dependent on a friend who plays Pokémon as well, so the question is, 'Does it pay off?'

Old-ass official art of Politoed.

Why yes, it does. I mean... whether you like Politoed or not is a matter of taste, but it is undeniable a good Pokémon, especially when you have the right ability on it. Water Absorb, which makes Politoed absorb all water-type moves and regain some of its health, is better than Damp, which negates self-destructing moves like Self-Destruct and Explosion completely, but both are situational. Politoed's hidden ability Drizzle, which makes it rain in battle, is what you want for this Pokémon. The rain does not only boost water-type moves, it also decreases the power fire-type moves and extends the charge-up time for moves like Solar Beam. Due to its decent bulk and special attack, Politoed is often used as a support Pokémon in the competitive scene, with support moves like Encore (to lock the opponent in an undesirable move), Toxic or Hypnosis (to badly poison the foe or put it to sleep), Rest (for reliable recovery on Politoed itself) and even Perish Song (to prevent last-minute sweepers from setting up, as this move causes everyone present on the field to faint within three turns). Have it hold a Damp Rock and the rain will last for eight turns instead of five. For in-game purposes, you can go for an all-offensive Politoed. With its nice special attack stat, it can make use of moves like Scald, Surf, Ice Beam, Psychic, Focus Blast and even Mud Bomb (learned as a Poliwhirl), if you really want a ground-type move as coverage.

Official art of Poliwrath by Ken Sugimori.

Poliwrath, on the other hand, is a physical attacker. Prior to X and Y, it wasn't much of a physical attacker though, despite its muscular appearance. Thankfully, it has gotten a boost in its base attack stat, which is now 95. That is not bad to work with. This time, however, one of its regular abilities, Water Absorb, is the best ability to rock out with. Swift Swim, which doubles Poliwrath's speed when it's raining on the field, is a nice ability when you're running a rain team, but otherwise stick with Water Absorb and invest EVs in its HP and defenses to create some bulk. A Choice Band or Life Orb boosts its physical attacks such as Waterfall (STAB), Brick Break (STAB), Rock Slide, Earthquake, Poison Jab and Ice Punch. Focus Punch and Dynamic Punch look cool, but the former only works in combination with Substitute and the latter has terrible accuracy. Circle Throw, which forces the opponent to switch out, can come in handy though, especially if you want to prevent the opponent from setting up. Smogon also suggests a special attacker, but why would you do that if Poliwrath's physical attack and physical movepool is so much better?

It's just a shame that both Poliwrath and Politoed have had to give up some of their speed in exchange for a little extra bulk, which prevents them from really becoming sweepers. That's not a big deal in Politoed's case, because it looks a little bit like a support Pokémon, but Poliwrath looks like it should beat your opponents to hell and back. Believe it or not: despite the whole rant about Poliwrath not being a tadpole and everything, I really like this Pokémon. Politoed as well, even though I don't understand why it differs so much from the other Polis.

Rating Poliwrath: 4.5/5

Rating Politoed: 4/5

#58 - #59: Growlithe & Arcanine

Cute little Growlithe chasing (about to chase?) its tail, as befits
a dog.

One thing I love about Growlithe and Arcanine is that there is so much cute and cool fan art to be found on the Internet. Just insert Growlithe in Google Images and you'll get lots of cute fan art, while Arcanine is mostly depicted as wild, ferocious and dangerous. In my opinion, both are such distinctive Gen. I Pokémon and I like them a lot. I am probably contradicting myself now, because in Meowth and Persian's entry I said that I do not like real-life dogs at all, but fortunately my dislike for dogs does not make me dislike canine Pokémon at all, so I'll be able to go into this review completely unbiased. Having said that, I have to say that Growlithe's characteristics are so... ordinary. It is loyal and obedient and it will bark at, bite and chase away any threats and will defend its Trainer and territory from them. It also has an amazing olfactory sense and never forgets a scent. Except for the fact that Growlithe uses its sense of smell to detect the emotion of others, all of this sounds like it is an ordinary dog, to be honest. That can't be said of Arcanine, who is capable of running 6,200 miles (10,000 kilometers) in 24 fucking hours. Arcanine is admired for its beauty and speed and anyone who hears its bark will grovel before it, hence its classification as the 'Legendary Pokémon', even though, strictly speaking, it isn't a legendary Pokémon by any means. Considering both it and its pre-evo Growlithe are based on Japanese artifacts called shisa or komainu, guardian statues that resemble lions and have traits of dogs and tigers, its classification isn't even that farfetched. To top it all off, the source of its power is a flame blazing wild inside its body.

You can't talk of dog-like features in this case, can you?

Some awesome fan art of Arcanine. These show
the beauty, elegance and strength of Arcanine.

But that is exactly what fan art likes to show you: the beauty, elegance and strength of Arcanine. Strength? Yes, because no matter how you look at it, Arcanine is one of those Pokémon with very balanced stats. Its defenses are decent and it has some nice HP to back them up, its speed is good and it will be even better when it's holding a Choice Scarf, and it is capable of using both attacking stats for some heavy damage. It sits in the UU tier of the competitive scene and despite this tier's name (UU means underused), Arcanine is quite a popular Pokémon. Most people use it as a fast physically offensive sweeper with a moveset consisting of Flare Blitz (be wary, as this move causes recoil damage), Close Combat (to counter one of its weaknesses, which is rock), Wild Charge (to counter another one of its weaknesses, which is water) and Extreme Speed (a Quick Attack on steroids; it's nice to have for some priority) and a hold item like Choice Band, Choice Scarf or Life Orb. You could even ditch an offensive move and throw in Morning Sun for healing purposes. If dragons are a threat, you can teach your Growlithe Outrage, which it learns by level-up, while Crunch, Iron Tail and Iron Head are also viable options for some coverage. These might only be useful for in-game purposes though, because steel is not an overly useful offensive type in the competitive scene - even though it is fantastic defensively. If you want to surprise your opponents, you could rock a specially offensive Arcanine. Its base physical attack (110) is slightly better than its base special attack (100), but the latter is more than usable. The only downside to using a special Arcanine is the lack of special moves. The best it gets are some strong fire-type moves. It also learns Dragon Pulse and some other weaker coverage moves, but those aren't even worth the hassle.

Arcanine vs. Luxray. Some people apparently see Luxray as Arcanine's feline
equivalent, as there is some fan art with these two to be found on the Internet. 

Now, I know that Arcanine was number 25 in my list of favorite Pokémon two years ago, but I think I'm going to reconsider that position. Don't get me wrong; Arcanine is still one of those cool Pokémon that are definitely worth your while, and I totally love the fan art that's made of it. Don't worry though, it will still get a perfect rating from me, especially considering the fact that I am currently using Arcanine in a playthrough (it is such a monster!), but there are other Pokémon I've come to love a lot more than I actually did. Maybe I'll make a top 100 of my favorite Pokémon - just a list with the names of my 100 favorite Pokémon, by the way - after I've rated all 721 Pokémon (that's still quite a while away, though).

Rating: 5/5

#56 - #57: Mankey & Primeape

The wild Mankey who stole Ash's hat in the anime episode
"Primeape Goes Bananas"; season 1, episode 25. Ash would
later catch it (as a Primeape).

Next up on my list are the monkey/pig hybrid things that go by the names of Mankey and Primeape.

Oh wait, the Pokédex says they're 'Pig Monkey Pokémon'.

Details... They're a combination between a monkey and a pig (which is anatomically impossible in real life), so it doesn't really matter whether Mankey and Primeape are called monkey pigs or pig monkeys. You know what I'm talking about either way. And it's still a fact that Mankey are some of the most agressive and short-tempered Pokémon you've ever seen in your life. If one Mankey gets livid, the whole goddamn colony rampages for no reason. Talk about throwing a tantrum. And when a Mankey loses sight of its colony, its loneliness causes it to become infuriated; it begins shaking and its breathing turns rough. That is easily demonstrated by a Mankey that becomes angry with Ash when he tries to catch it, resulting in the Mankey beating up Ash and stealing his hat. Then *blah blah blah* Team Rocket tries to steal Pikachu *blah blah* James kicks Mankey *blah blah* causes it to evolve into Primeape *blah blah blah* beats them up *blah blah* beats up Brock and chases Ash *blah blah blah* Ash's Charmander defeats it and Ash catches it *blah blah* unleashes it on Team Rocket *blah blah*. Y'know, the usual stuff.

Mankey (left) with Ash's first hat balancing on its tail, and Primeape with its
ever-so-recognizable stress mark on the left side of its forehead.

But Mankey are sweet little fluff balls compared to Primeape. The latter's blood circulation becomes more robust when they become furious, which makes their muscles stronger. They go bananas even if someone or something only makes eye contact with them, and they will chase anyone who (or anything that) enrages them. That is also the case with Ash's Primeape, who was mischievous, vicious, extremely violent, out of control all of the time and easily angered. This caused Ash to reconsider using Primeape in battles multiple times, until they came across a man called Anthony and the P1 Grand Prix, a battle tournament in which only fighting-type Pokémon could participate. This competition caused Ash and Primeape to bond a little, but Ash didn't hesitate to leave Primeape with Anthony, who would train Primeape to be a P1 champion.

Fan art of a furious Primeape. 

But these characteristics should result in a capable Pokémon to use in the video games, right? Well, sort of. Its defenses are really mediocre and its HP stat doesn't help either, but its attack and speed are actually quite good. Primeape sits in Smogon's NU tier and its strength and speed can be taken advantage of by giving it a Choice Band or Choice Scarf, which raises its attack or speed by 50%, respectively. In combination with Primeape's ability Anger Point, which maximizes its attack stat when the opponent gets a critical hit on it, it can hit hard and fast. Its hidden ability Defiant, which sharply raises its attack when another stat is lowered, is more reliable though, as the use of Anger Point is somewhat situational. Other items, like a Life Orb, Expert Belt or Black Belt, are viable options as well, especially in combination with Primeape's main STAB move Close Combat (that move does lower its defenses though, so watch out). And with coverage moves such as Earthquake, Stone Edge, Poison Jab, U-Turn (to quickly get out of unfavorable situations), the elemental punches, Gunk Shot, Acrobatics, Seed Bomb and even Iron Tail and Outrage you just can't go wrong; just pick whatever moves you think you might need. An Encore set, which Primeape can use to lock the opponent in the move it last uses, isn't unheard of, either.

I really can't get enough of this beautiful kind of (modified) official art. 

The only thing about Primeape is that, apart from its flavor as a short-tempered and violent monkey, it doesn't really stand out in comparison with other fighting types. Stronger, bulkier fighting-type Pokémon like Machamp, Hariyama and Conkeldurr are often used in favor of Primeape, even though the former three are much slower. Its design, although it will always be a crossbreed between a pig and a monkey, isn't all that interesting compared to other Pokémon (not just fighting types), either. I don't hate it though, and using it in a playthrough would be interesting... I think. Either way, I don't hate Primeape and it doesn't deserve a bad rating. It'll be far from a perfect rating, but I would think 3.5 stars is good enough!

Rating: 3.5/5

#54 - #55: Psyduck & Golduck

Fan art of Psyduck. It's probably having a headache.

Psyduck looks dumb.

There, I said it. I'm sorry to all you Psyduck lovers out there, but I'm not really all that fond of the thing. I totally felt for Misty every fucking time her dim-witted Psyduck, which she accidentally caught, broke out of its goddamn Poké Ball without having been asked to. This source of annoyance, to Misty as well as to the viewers, might have been dim-witted and oblivious, but it has been shown to use psychic powers that far exceed its normal abilities when its headaches get bad enough. No surprises there, because that is what Psyduck is all about: being dumb and oblivious, being plagued by chronic headaches, trying to calm its headaches by standing immobile (hence the Psyduck on Sinnoh's Route 10 in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, who won't move until Cynthia gives you a Secret Potion), and releasing crazy-strong psychic powers when its headaches become too severe. It is even unable to recall such episodes. The psychic thing, along with Psyduck's ability to learn several strong psychic-type moves, makes me believe that it should have had the psychic type as its secondary typing to begin with, but I guess that is absolutely none of my business.

Old TCG art of Golduck in action.

I feel like Golduck is, however, which is mainly because I love it, whereas I really don't care for Psyduck in the slightest. You'd think Golduck gains the psychic type as its secondary typing upon evolving from Psyduck, but that couldn't be any further from the truth: Golduck is a pure water type, just like its pre-evolution. Even so, it inherits Psyduck's psychic powers (although not its headaches), only with the ability to control them through the gem on its head, which glows when it is using its psychic powers and occasionally when it swims at full speed. And that is pretty fast, considering the fact that it outswims the most athletic humans because of its webbed hands and feet. It isn't even bothered by rough seas and will sometimes rescue people from shipwrecks. That is probably why it is often mistaken for a Japanese monster called the kappa, which is exactly what Golduck is based on (and quite frankly, I like that a lot). In short, Golduck is a hundred times more bad-ass than its pre-evolution.

Official art of Golduck.

But how good is it in the video games? Well, Golduck's flavor is perceptible through its ability to learn quite some psychic-type moves (such as Psychic, Psyshock, Confusion, and even egg moves like Psybeam, Synchronoise and Future Sight) and its hidden ability Swift Swim, which doubles its speed when it's raining in battles. It is therefore not uncommon to use a 'rain' Golduck in the NU tier, with a moveset consisting of Rain Dance, a STAB move like Scald or Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, and Psychic. Maybe you can omit either Psychic or Ice Beam and give it Calm Mind, to boost its more-than-decent special attack and fairly decent special defense and use it as a sweeper. For in-game purposes, you might want to go for an all-offensive Golduck with a moveset consisting of Surf, Ice Beam, Psychic and Focus Blast. Signal Beam is an option, but it's a Move Tutor move and can't be obtained until after you've finished the Delta Episode. As you can see, its movepool is just diverse (and strong) enough to consist of moves of four different types. If only Psychic was a STAB move... right?

Some awesome modified art of Golduck.

Forget about it, Game Freak will never decide to bless Golduck with that ever-useful psyhic type. Nonetheless, Golduck has always been one of my favorite Gen. I Pokémon: its streamlined design is simplistic but effective, and it is a strong Pokémon that's somewhat capable of taking a hit from another Pokémon (both its HP and defenses are halfway competent, resulting is some decent bulk). Overall, Golduck is a very interesting Pokémon that totally lives up to the characteristics it is known for. I can't help but give it a perfect rating, which is the second one in a row. Will Primeape be able to add a third?

Rating: 5/5

#52 - #53: Meowth & Persian

A cute little Meowth playing with its Amulet Coins. This
is not surprising, though, because it is attracted to round
and shiny objects, picking up anything that sparkles when
wandering the streets, including loose change. Its eyes then
glitter and the coin on its forehead will shine brightly.

Awww, look at that adorable little kitty! Who's a cutie? Who's a cutie? Yes, it's you! Coochie coochie coo!

Ahem... You saw nothing.

Seriously though, while I am not fond of dogs at all, I have an inexplicable affection for cats. Some dogs are graceless, clumsy and ugly monsters (pitbulls, bulldogs and chihuahuas, for example, the latter of which is a rat rather than a dog; I can't even call that a proper dog species) that are way too energetic and playful around humans, which I can't stand. Cats, on the other hand, are beautiful, graceful, fluffy and calm creatures that don't follow you around all day trying to get your attention, which I like. The only downside of having three cats, however, are the dead mice and birds they bring home every night, but I'll take those dead bodies anytime over a dog that barks constantly while you are attempting to get your necessary eight hours of sleep. My love for cats has carried over to Pokémon, as quite some cat Pokémon have been introduced throughout the years, the latest additions being Pyroar and Meowstic. I even did an ORAS playthrough with only feline Pokémon (Luxray, Persian, Purugly, Liepard, Meowstic and Pyroar; I decided not to go with Delcatty because that Pokémon is terrible). Yeah, my love for cats has gone that far...

Official art of Persian by Ken Sugimori.

So it is probably not a surprise that I'm so head over heels in love with Meowth and, specifically, Persian. I have not always loved Persian so much though, mainly because I came to love cats only eight years ago, when my mother got us a cat in the first place. My newfound love for Persian, however, only hatched some three months ago, when playing that ORAS cat playthrough. I can tell you it was a true MVP, all because of one move: Nasty Plot. Yes, I know that Persian's base attack stat is 70 and its special attack is 65, but it is Nasty Plot what makes Persian so good, as this move raises a Pokémon's special attack by two stages. Hone Claws only raises Persian's attack by one stage, as well as its accuracy, but it doesn't need the accuracy boost because all special moves it can learn have perfect accuracy, anyway. And it learns quite some special moves, whether or not they'll have to be taught to Persian through a Move Tutor. Nasty Plot and either Hyper Voice or Swift are must-haves, while Icy Wind and Water Pulse are there for coverage (and will be stronger if you use a Persian that has the ability Technician, which boosts moves that have 60 base power or less; Swift also gets that boost). It learns Power Gem by level-up and Thunderbolt, Thunder, Shadow Ball and Dark Pulse by use of TMs. A Hypnosis/Dream Eater combo is an option as well, but it'll take up Persian's remaining two moveslots, which might not be what you desire. Hypnosis has terrible accuracy, anyway. The coverage depends on what moves the other Pokémon in your party have; my own Persian had Power Gem and Water Pulse.

Persian is, without a doubt, an amazing Pokémon, but it is probably best known for being mob boss Giovanni's pet. That's no mean feat, because Persian is extremely difficult to raise due to its temper and barbaric personality; it will scratch anyone with little or no provocation, including its Trainer, and it has been seen ripping its prey apart for no discernible reason. How's that for a pet cat? However, much more gentle and well-known (probably the most well-known Pokémon aside from Pikachu) is Team Rocket's Meowth, who has been Jessie and James' sidekick since the very first season of the anime series. He was introduced in the second episode alongside Jessie and James, in which he could already talk.

Meowth in the anime series, as one third of Team Rocket.

Later on in the series, we get to know Meowth's history. He starts off as a young Meowth in a camp, waking up all alone in the rain and ultimately being strung up from a tree as a punishment by a baseball coach for knocking over a basket with baseballs because he was trying to eat the basket. After seeing a film depicting a Meowth being given delicious foods, Meowth decided to go to Hollywood, but upon arriving he was merely perceived as a stray Pokémon. After joining a gang with Meowth led by a Persian for a long time, annoying the humans in town by stealing food and causing trouble, Meowth meets and falls in love with a female Meowth called Meowzie. She rejected him, saying he was poor and preferred humans, but when Meowth learns to walk and talk like a human, she calls him a freak.

Meowth hanging on to James, probably busted while executing one of Team
Rocket's 'evil' plans. 

Heartbroken, he joins Team Rocket, inspired by the very first word he learns: 'rocket'. That is how we know Meowth nowadays: as one third of an evil team trying to steal other people's Pokémon, but failing miserably over and over again. Until Unova, that is, when Team Rocket developed a more serious attitude, acting more like professional criminals. This even got out of hand when Ash found Meowth injured. Meowth explained that he screwed up one of Team Rocket's big schemes in Nimbasa City and decided to travel with Ash and his friends onwards, only to get busted later on, when it was revealed that Meowth's dismissal was fake and part of Team Rocket's big plan to steal all the Pokémon from Nimbasa City's Pokémon Center. I personally love this little piece of history of Meowth's life and the development of his character, which we almost never get to see in the Pokémon anime. It adds a little depth to an otherwise bland series, in my opinion.

I love Meowth and Persian. The legend of the maneki-neko ('lucky cat' or 'beckoning cat'), a common Japanese ceramic or plastic figurine of a cat holding a koban, a kind of ancient Japanese coin like the one on Meowth's head, is perfectly incorporated in Meowth's design and flavor. I guess it is just a matter of personal taste and experiences, though; and even though I have to admit Meowth and Persian are not strong Pokémon at all, I love them for their designs, flavor, the roles they play in the animated series, and because they're freaking cats, goddammit!

So, uhm... did I mention that I love cats already?

Rating: 5/5

#50 - #51: Diglett & Dugtrio

"Diglett-dig, Diglett-dig!"

"Trio! Trio! Trio!"

Fan art of Diglett, in which the thing actually looks like a mole.

Yeah, that's right. You just read that in Diglett and Dugtrio's voices. Just admit it already.

Sorry, I just had to do that, ha ha ha.

Anyway.

If I had to mention the most unimaginative Pokémon to date, I would say that'd be Diglett and Dugtrio. I absolutely don't like these Pokémon. I've never liked them, in fact, and there is probably nothing that can change that, except for maybe a Mega evolution. And even then I doubt I'll like Dugtrio all that much. Yes, I know that there are other Pokémon out there that are composed of three or more specimens of their pre-evolutions, but I dare say that Dugtrio is by far the most unimaginative. It looks like three Diglett that have gathered together rather than an actual evolution. Meh. Well, it is actually a Diglett triplet that emerged from one body, so... no, still meh. Even their Pokédex entries aren't interesting. Add the fact that both Pokémon get Arena Trap, an ability that makes your Pokémon unable to run away from it or switch out, and you get an irritating Pokémon.

This is a plausible theory of how Diglett and Dugtrio's lower bodies,
which they hide underground, might look like.

However, there is one particular thing that really bothers me about Diglett and Dugtrio. You see, the Pokédex classifies them as 'Mole Pokémon', and I won't even contradict them in that, because everything points towards that direction: they're ground types, their heads are sticking out of the ground, and they learn moves that show that they clearly have claws, such as Scratch, Slash, Night Slash, Hone Claws, Shadow Claw, and even Sucker Punch. This is what bothers me: their claws and feet are never shown! In one of the Mystery Dungeon games (a side-series game), a Diglett mentions that it has feet, but the fact that there is nothing to see of them bothers me so fucking much! I know it's all part of how Game Freak want to characterize these Pokémon, and I also know they might be based on the moles used in those dumb Whac-A-Mole arcade games, but it's just stupid. I'm not against a little mystery, but of all Pokémon to add some mystery to, Diglett and Dugtrio are most probably the most insignificant. Also, the Internet has been bombarded with the dumbest theories as well: Diglett might be just a tiny part of an enormous nightmare monster, Diglett might be a person whose head is sticking out of the ground, or (and this one is the absolute best!) Diglett might actually even be the penis of some bigger creature hiding undergound. I can't even...

TCG art of Dugtrio.

Even worse: Dugtrio is not a good Pokémon at all. Its speed stat is great and its attack stat is decent, but its defenses are mediocre. It's not that its defenses save the day, though, because these are even made worse by its HP stat, which is absolutely GARBAGE. I guess Dugtrio wouldn't even be such a great Pokémon to use in-game, but there are always people who would like to make use of it, so let's see what this thing can actually do. It learns Earthquake, for starters, but that is a move that almost every ground-type Pokémon can learn, and even a lot of non-ground types for that matter. Rock Slide and either Shadow Claw (a ghost-type move) or Night Slash (a dark-type move), which both have the same type coverage, the same power and the chance to crit, are viable options, as well as Hone Claws. That move should definitely be in its moveset, because it raises Dugtrio's attack stat and accuracy (handy for Rock Slide) and because Aerial Ace is just too mediocre for it to use. Competitively, it is no good either, but an all-out offensive Dugtrio with the ability Arena Trap (which does exactly what the name suggests: it prevents the opponent from switching out), holding a Choice Band or Life Orb, will have to do, whereas a Focus Sash/Reversal combo might do the trick as well.

Dugtrio isn't one of my absolute least favorite Pokémon, but this thing comes damn near close. Luckily for Dugtrio, I don't obsessively hate it like a certain Gen. IV Pokémon (let's say I strongly dislike it), which saves it from getting the lowest rating possible.

Rating: 1.5/5