#108, #463: Lickitung & Lickilicky

Fan art of Lickitung.

Oh my God, no. No, no, NO! I do NOT want to review this Pokémon.

Sigh... I guess I'll have to, right? Goddammit, fuck this shit.

Okay, let's get this over with, shall we? I do not want to spend any more time on this monstrosity than absolutely necessary. To make a long story short, Lickitung is a disgusting Pokémon that uses its tongue for capturing prey, battling, cleaning its body, exploring its environment and gathering food. At 7 feet, Lickitung's tongue is almost twice as long as its body and possibly even connected to its tail, as it quivers when Lickitung extends its long, chameleon-like tongue. The tongue is dexterous and powerful enough to lift people. Lickitung remembers things by their texture and taste, but it apparently dislikes sour things. I'm pretty sure it won't like the taste of me then, even though I wouldn't want to be licked by that thing in the first place. I mean, do you know how much saliva Lickitung produces? Gross. Especially considering the fact that its saliva is sticky and causes you to get a tingling sensation. Ewww.

Official art of Lickilicky. God, do I hate this Pokémon. I hate it
with a burning passion...

Look, it's not that I have a problem with Lickitung per se, it's just that the atrocity that is called Lickilicky overshadows Lickitung's mediocrity. Lickilicky's design - is it based on a bloated gourmand or a puffy baby? - is so abominable and ridiculous that I hated it instantly when I first saw it, which is probably why all of a sudden I couldn't stand Lickitung either. My hate for Lickilicky has only intensified throughout the years and I doubt I'll ever get over it. Up to this day, it is my absolute least favorite Pokémon. To make matters even worse, Lickilicky's flavor (no pun intended) is even more disgusting than Lickitung's, as Lickilicky is a downright glutton and will lick anything or anyone close by for any leftover crumbs. Its tongue is always soggy with slobber and getting too close to it will leave you soaked with drool, which contains lots of components that can dissolve anything, and the numbness it causes will not dissipate. Hideous, ridiculous, disgusting and dangerous...? That is not a particularly good combination, even if I say so. Whoever thought that this evolution of Lickitung was a superb idea should be thrown out with the trash immediately, because the day that Lickilicky was created is a black day for Nintendo and Game Freak. A black day indeed.

Look at this fat-ass. I hate everything about it: the stupid curl on
its head, its round shape, its gluttonous attitude, its ridiculously
large tongue, the white patch on its chest that looks like a napkin,
that perfect WiFi signal on its belly, its stupid evolution method,
the dumb name, etc. etc. etc.

Do I even care about Lickilicky's competitive use? Well, there are people who do like this thing (although I don't know why you would like it) and want to use one (again, it's a mystery to me why the hell you'd even want to), so let's get started, shall we? Even I have to admit that Lickilicky isn't all that bad competitively, so my approach is to use one with an Adamant nature, the Own Tempo ability, a Choice Band as held item and EV investment in HP and attack. Own Tempo prevents it from getting confused, while the Choice Band boosts Lickilicky's decent attack stat by 50% but limits it to using just one move until you switch it out. With an excellent base HP stat of 110 and quite some good defenses, Lickilicky has some natural bulk behind it, so you might as well make use of that attack stat in my opinion. And quite frankly, Lickilicky learns some powerful and/or useful moves, such as Knock Off (knocks off the opponent's held item), Power Whip (a rare physical-based grass-type move), Earthquake, Brick Break, Rock Slide, Power-Up Punch (a weak move, but it raises Lickilicky's attack every time it is used), Dragon Tail (forces the opponent to switch out), the elemental punches, Aqua Tail, Hammer Arm, Iron Tail, Zen Headbutt, and even STAB Return. You're spoiled for choice.

Somehow Lickilicky looks so much better when you can't see its ugly face. Then
again, it's still a fat-ass. 

Some other approaches: a Life Orb Lickilicky with either Curse (lowers its already terrible speed even more, but raises its attack and defense by one stage each) or Swords Dance (raises its attack by two stages), or even a Leftovers Lickilicky with EV investment in HP and defense or special defense and the Wish/Protect/Heal Bell combo. The latter only works if you have one that is evolved from a 2004 special event Lickitung, so it's hard to obtain a legit one.

However, I really wouldn't want to obtain one in the first place, and I don't understand why anyone would, either. Fuck this Pokémon. Fuck this Pokémon so, so much. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, and fuck it again. Fuck it from behind, fuck it from the front, then fuck it sideways until you make it see stars. Make sure it gets a trauma from it. Ugh, I despise Lickilicky and I wish I could ban it from my goddamn memory for all eternity.

Rating: 0.5/5

#236, #106 - #107, #237: Tyrogue, Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan & Hitmontop

Official Sugimori art of Tyrogue, the pre-evolution of Hitmonlee,
Hitmonchan and Hitmontop.

In Gen. I, Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan were two seemingly unrelated Pokémon with completely different movepools. One generation later, they both got the same pre-evolution, Tyrogue, and another brother (probably from another mother) to boot. Whereas baby Pokémon are mostly useless in my opinion, Tyrogue has one nice shtick: it is able to evolve into three different Pokémon (one per Tyrogue, of course), which is more than any other Pokémon aside from Eevee. It actually makes Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan related, something that wasn't really clear in Red, Blue and Yellow, mainly because they look different from each other and have completely different movepools: Hitmonlee focuses on kicking moves, while Hitmonchan specializes in punching moves. The second generation even saw the introduction of another evolution alongside Tyrogue: Hitmontop. This means you can choose from three different Tyrogue evolutions to use, and that is exactly what a baby Pokémon should be used for (the only other useful one is Pichu, who can learn the exclusive move Volt Tackle through breeding). Unfortunately, most baby Pokémon are useless and don't have anything to add to their already existing basic forms. I know I've said this a million times already, but I just can't emphasize it enough.

The Hitmon family, consisting of (clockwise
starting from the left) Tyrogue, Hitmonchan,
Hitmonlee and Hitmontop. 

Combat-wise, though, Tyrogue is far from useful. No surprises there, as it is a baby Pokémon and baby Pokémon are generally not really useful in battle, anyway. Maybe that's why this little rascal is always bursting with energy, challenging everyone (even larger foes) to become stronger. Because it is determined to do so, Tyrogue will not quit no matter how many times it loses, often nursing its injuries as a result of that. It even becomes stressed if it won't be able to exercise every single day, which is why its Trainer should establish and maintain a regular training schedule. Tyrogue will be happy, because all of this training will pay off quickly when it evolves at level 20. When its attack is higher than its defense, it will evolve into Hitmonlee; when its defense is higher than its attack, it will evolve into Hitmonchan; and when its attack and defense are the same, it will evolve into Hitmontop. This suggests that you'll get one of those three at random, but you'll be able to manipulate that by giving Tyrogue certain vitamins (Proteins when you want Hitmonlee, Irons when you want Hitmonchan, and both if you want Hitmontop) or grinding Tyrogue up to level 20 while battling Pokémon that give off attack or defense EVs. This sounds complicated, but it's not if you know what you're doing. Even if you don't, you'll get at least one of Tyrogue's three evolutions, and all three of them work out differently in competitive play.

The first is Hitmonlee (whose name is derived from Bruce Lee), who may be the personification of kickboxing and the martial art taekwondo, as it specializes in kicking moves. In fact, Hitmonlee's legs act like a coiled spring, which allows it to run with lengthy strides and gives it greater reach for its kicks due to its flexibility, while its excellent sense of balance enables it to launch lethal successive kicks from any position, especially since the sole of Hitmonlee's foot turns as hard as diamond upon impact. It's a little unsettling Hitmonlee looks like blemmyae or βλέμμυες, headless men in Greek mythology who have their facial features on their chests, but otherwise it's just a cool and strong Pokémon.

TCG art of Hitmonlee.

So it won't come as a surprise that Hitmonlee has a great attack stat that it can use to easily OHKO opponents. Too bad its speed is a little average, but that can be fixed by using a Jolly-natured Hitmonlee with invested speed EVs and a Choice Scarf as a hold item, even though an Adamant nature and/or a Life Orb can be used for a little extra power, especially in combination with Reckless. This ability powers up moves that cause recoil or crash damage, like its staple move High Jump Kick. Limber prevents paralysis but is situational, while Unburden doubles Hitmonlee's speed when its held item is lost (usually a Berry). In combination with a Liechi Berry, which raises its attack in a pinch, and the moves Endure and Reversal, this makes for a great late-game sweep. Otherwise just go with Reckless and the moves High Jump Kick, Knock Off, Stone Edge and Close Combat, while moves like Mach Punch (to make a move first), Bullet Punch (see Mach Punch), Rapid Spin (to remove entry hazards) and other strong coverage moves like Blaze Kick, Poison Jab and Earthquake are also viable options.

The second Tyrogue evolution is Hitmonchan (whose name is derived from Jackie Chan) and is the personification of boxing. This becomes apparent when looking at the color of its gloves in its normal (red boxing gloves) and shiny coloration (blue boxing gloves), which is refers to the red and blue corners in boxing. Also, Hitmonchan is said to be possessed by the spirit of a pro boxer working towards a championship, and it needs a break after three minutes of fighting, which is a reference to the duration of rounds in boxing as well. But when Hitmonchan fights, it does so incredibly efficiently: its punches are so fast that they can't bee seen with the naked eye and even a slight graze of one of them can cause a burn. By punching with a corkscrew motion, Hitmonchan is even capable of drilling through concrete.

Hitmonchan's official art.

Despite its characteristics, Hitmonchan isn't as strong as Hitmonlee. However, it makes up for that with an excellent ability: Iron Fist, which powers up punching moves by 20%. And Hitmonchan learns A TON of useful punching moves, including Mach Punch, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Fire Punch, Bullet Punch, Drain Punch and even Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute). Forget about Inner Focus and don't even mention Keen Eye; Iron Fist is the number one ability to go with. Unfortunately, Hitmonchan is slower and slightly weaker than Hitmonlee, which is compensated by a better defense stat, hence its evolution method. The fact that it is capable of taking at least one physical-based hit means that the Substitute/Focus Punch combo is a viable option, but mostly you'll be better off with Drain Punch (which is STAB and heals HP), Mach Punch, Ice Punch and another move like Rapid Spin, Bullet Punch or Close Combat. As it's not fast anyway, an Adamant nature and a Life Orb or Fist Plate are more than fine to use. In that regard, Hitmonchan is quite the predictable Pokémon, which isn't even a bad thing considering its current moveset in combination with its Iron Fist ability is extremely effective.

TCG art of Hitmontop.

The last evolution of Tyrogue is Hitmontop, introduced alongside Tyrogue in Gen. II, one generation later than Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan. Based on a top and probably the personification of the Brazilian martial art capoeira, Hitmontop moves more quickly by spinning on the spike on its head than it does by walking normally. Capable of spinning at high speeds, it delivers smooth and graceful kicks and may even bore into the ground similar to a drill. Its spinning technique is an offensive as well as a defensive mechanism, which manifests itself through its evolution method and its stats: the fact that Tyrogue's attack and defense must be equal in order for it to evolve into Hitmontop is akin to how a top must be in equilibrium to remain upright. As for Hitmontops stats, its attack and defense are exactly the same. This actually coincides with its evolution method, something that didn't really apply to Hitmonchan, as Hitmonchan's attack is still higher than its defense. There is an explanation for that, though: Hitmonchan was one of the first 151 Pokémon, while Tyrogue's evolution method wasn't introduced until the second generation.

GIF of Hitmontop spinning. 

Hitmontop's equal attack and defense stats make room for a more defensive take on the Hitmon family, even though its close-to-terrible HP makes an all-out defensive approach nigh impossible. Nigh, not entirely. Run an Impish-natured Hitmontop with Intimidate (lowers the opponent's attack stat by one stage), invest EVs in HP and Defense, and make its moveset consist of Close Combat, Rapid Spin, Foresight and Toxic. Foresight is used to hit ghost-type Pokémon with Rapid Spin, who would otherwise be immune to it as it is a normal-type move, but if you want a more offensive move for type coverage, Earthquake and Stone Edge are viable options as well. Mach Punch is an excellent STAB priority move, while Fake Out can be used when you have just switched in to Hitmontop (otherwise the move will fail) and want the opponent to flinch and receive a little damage first. An all-out offensive Hitmontop isn't unheard of either, especially combined with its ability Technician (which powers up moves with a base power of 60 or lower by 50%) and the moves Mach Punch, Fake Out and/or Bullet Punch, but I recommend leaving that to Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan.

That's what I like about the Hitmon family, anyway: all three of them are so completely different in their battle techniques and their flavor. Taekwondo, boxing and capoeira are all completely different fighting sports and I think it's great that these Pokémon are based on them, even though I hate sports in general. Personally, I would like to use Hitmonchan once, just because it is more diverse in its movepool than its two counterparts. But that medieval bowl cut, Hitmontop? Not done. Absolutely not done.

Rating: 4/5

#104 - #105: Cubone & Marowak

Cubone being sad about its mother's death.

If I have learned anything at all from the Pokémon franchise, it's that Marowak are terrible parents. Apparently, Marowak have the tendency to die often (well, once per Marowak, but you get my point), leaving their newborn children traumatized and letting them fend for themselves for the rest of their lives.

And in the process, Cubone has developed some serious Mommy issues.

You see, Cubone always wears the skull of its dead mother, and that's why no one has ever seen what Cubone's face looks like. When it cries at night in mourning of its mother, the skull that it wears vibrates and emits a plaintive and mournful melody, which only intensifies during the night of a full moon. It so happens that Cubone seems to recognize its dead mother in the moon, and so it howls with a particular sadness, making its cries especially terrible. Obviously, all Cubone are way too traumatized by the death of their mothers, causing them to develop anti-social behavior in the sense that they tend to keep to themselves and avoid social situations (hence Cubone's Pokédex classification as the 'Lonely Pokémon').

Still from the Pokémon Origins series, episode 2. This special
anime series largely follows the storyline of the player character
in Red, Blue and Yellow. In "File 2: Cubone", Red arrives in
Lavender Town and finds out that a Team Rocket grunt killed
the mother Marowak of a now orphaned Cubone with a stun baton
and kidnapped Mr. Fuji. Red hurries to rescue him, stealing the
Silph Scope in the process, with which he is able to identify the
ghost of Marowak, who is ultimately calmed by the knowledge
that her child is okay.

The creepy thing about all of this is that Game Freak dedicated a significant part of Team Rocket's storyline to a story similar to Cubone and Marowak's in the Red, Blue and Yellow versions of the games. When the character arrives in Lavender Town, he is supposed to enter Pokémon Tower, which is a seven-floor graveyard that is home to Channelers (a kind of Trainer allegedly possessed by the ghost-type Pokémon they use), the graves of dead Pokémon, Team Rocket and their mischievous plans, and wild Pokémon. Aside from Gastly and Haunter, the player also has a slight chance to encounter wild Cubone, whom Team Rocket wanted to steal in order to sell their valuable skulls. A mother Marowak that was protecting her children was killed in the process, after which she haunts the tower until the player is able to identify and defeat her on the seventh floor (she cannot be caught; letting you capture her would have been savage, yo) by use of a Silph Scope, then set her spirit free. These shenanigans don't exactly correspond with Cubone and Marowak's Pokédex entries in the games, but you can't deny it fits their flavor perfectly.

Marowak.

But Marowak, whose head has fused with the skull it once wore as a mask, has overcome the grief of its mother's passing. It is rumored that there is a Marowak graveyard somewhere in the world where Marowak gets its bones from. Other than Cubone, it has a very ferocious and violent nature and is an adept combatant, using the bone it carries as a weapon and boomerang. Cubone and Marowak even have two signature moves that makes it very clear their bones are weapons: Bone Club and Bonemerang. Prior to Gen. IV, they even had a third signature move (Bone Rush), until Lucario and Mandibuzz ran off with this move as well. I still don't understand why these bone moves are ground-type moves, but I'm going to assume this is so that Cubone and Marowak have some powerful STAB moves early on. While they're very useful in-game, most of them are quite redundant in competitive play, mainly because Marowak is able to learn Earthquake through TM26, just like almost all ground-type Pokémon. Bonemerang has the same base power as Earthquake, can break through substitutes and possibly OHKOs Pokémon with the ability Sturdy because of its multiple-hit effect, so that might come in handy if you are planning to go that way; otherwise, Earthquake is as good an option as Bonemerang. Marowak learns a ton of useful moves, such as Iron Head, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Brick Break, Focus Punch and even Outrage, but none of these are actually used very often in competitive play.

Yes, this ghost is actually Marowak, and the player character encounters it on the
seventh floor of Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town. It can only be identified by the
Silph Scope, which is obtainable in the Team Rocket hideout under the Celadon
City Game Corner. Once you battle it, there is no capturing it, just defeating it.

Knock Off, however, is an absolute must-have, just like one of two possible move/ability combos: Double-Edge works great in conjunction with either Swords Dance or Substitute and the ability Rock Head (which prevents the recoil damage from Double-Edge), while Stealth Rock and Stone Edge is an equally workable combo, especially since Stone Edge punishes most Defog users - that move removes entry hazards - as it's mostly flying types who use it. In the latter case, the Battle Armor ability (which prevents critical hits) is highly recommended, as Rock Head becomes redundant. Lightning Rod is a ridiculous ability for Marowak to have, because it draws in all electric-type moves, to which Marowak is immune in the first place. Its immunity prevails over its ability anyway, so the special attack boost from Lightning Rod won't even occur, unless Marowak is holding a Ring Target. And that is exactly what you don't want, because Marowak's special attack is booty to begin with, and you definitely want it to hold another item: the Thick Club. Just make sure that your Marowak is holding one at all costs, because this item effectively doubles its attack stat, making it a whopping 290 at level 50 when using a Marowak with an attack-beneficial nature, preferably Adamant.

To make a long story short: Cubone and Marowak are creepy and pitiful Pokémon. They're creepy for wearing their mother's skull, and they're pitiful because Cubone is traumatized by and constantly mourns its mother's death, while Marowak has obviously become completely desensitized upon evolution. It's just a fascinating take on a human emotion: grief. In my opinion, that's what makes Cubone and Marowak such interesting Pokémon, and I'm glad the games and the special anime series actually address this, because it makes for great storytelling.

Rating: 4/5

#102 - #103: Exeggcute & Exeggutor

Official Sugimori art of Exeggcute. Ever wondered why the
middle one appears to be so evilly happy? Well, I'll tell you why
that is: IT HAS NO CRACKS IN IT!!!

It seems like someone at Game Freak just couldn't make up their mind.

You know, I have no problem with Pokémon that look like eggs. What I do have a problem with, however, is the inconsistency in the creation of Exeggcute, explicitly referred to as the 'Egg Pokémon'. And to be honest, I understand why, because Exeggcute clearly looks like a bunch of cracked eggs gathered together (apparently, their shells are very durable, so it can survive without spilling the contents), especially since one of the six eggs that form Exeggcute is cracked open entirely and has its yolk exposed. Or is that its brain? Anyway, Exeggcute's Pokédex entries tell a whole other story by saying they're not really eggs. And then they don't. And then they do. And then they don't. Like, WHICH ONE IS IT, GODDAMMIT? Here are some of these incredibly confusing Pokédex entries, so as to give you a clue what the goddamn hell I'm talking about.

Pokédex entry Red/Blue:
"Often mistaken for eggs. When disturbed, they quickly gather and attack in swarms."

Pokédex entry Ruby/Sapphire:
"This Pokémon consists of six eggs that form a closely knit cluster. The six eggs attract each other and spin around. When cracks increasingly appear on the eggs, Exeggcute is close to evolution."

Pokédex entry FireRed:
"Even though it appears to be eggs of some sort, it was discovered to be a life form more like plant seeds."

Pokédex entry Diamond/Pearl/Platinum:
"Its six eggs converse using telepathy. They can quickly gather if they become separated."

This is some awesome 'real-life' Exeggcute made out of eggs.
And yes, I'd personally like to see this Pokémon as such. 

You see what's the problem here? These Pokédex entries are clearly contradicting each other. Pokémon X and Y have made it even more confusing, as the former uses the entry from Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, and the latter uses that from FireRed. I know, right? Game Freak, will you just MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS??? Jesus Christ. Well... at least some of Exeggcute's entries explain its secondary psychic typing, a typing it desperately needs as an Exeggutor, but I'll get back to that later. In all respects, it is recommended to let Exeggcute evolve by use of a Leaf Stone ASAP, preferably at level 17. At that level, you'll be able to teach it Bullet Seed and, upon evolution, Psyshock. And as Exeggutor has a very respectable attack stat (its special attack is off the charts, though), Bullet Seed is far from unusable, at least until you get access to a better grass-type move.

Official art of Exeggutor by Ken Sugimori. Each of its heads
has a distinct face and its own character and thinks
independently from each other, which is why its cries are so
noisy. When a head grows too large from exposure to strong
sunlight, it drops off and emits a telepathic call in search of
others to form an Exeggcute cluster.

That's for regular gameplay. In the competitive scene, however, Exeggutor is a great asset in a sun team, mainly because of its ability Chlorophyll, which doubles its mediocre speed stat when the sun is up. This is necessary to make Exeggutor some sort of sweeper, especially since it is naturally slow and has a whopping seven weaknesses, which can easily be exploited. Its hidden ability Harvest would normally be an excellent ability, as it automatically recycles a used Berry, but Exeggutor actually needs the speed boost here. I'd go with a Modest-natured Exeggutor, though a Timid one will suffice as well. The latter can be used for a little extra speed at the cost of some offensive presence, but either will be fine with Choice Specs or a Life Orb attached to it. And if you give Exeggutor Leaf Storm (be cautious with this move, it lowers Exeggutor's special attack stat by two stages after one use), Giga Drain (for more reliability), either Psychic or Psyshock (the latter might come in handy to check specially bulky Pokémon, as this move hits for physical damage but uses Exeggutor's special attack stat) and a fire- or ground-type Hidden Power (to check steel and/or poison types), you'll be A-OK.

At any rate, I actually like these Pokémon. In fact, I am currently doing a grass monotype playthrough on Pokémon Y (yeah, I like being weird) and one of the Pokémon I'm using is Exeggutor. I regret nothing, because its typing is extremely useful and it is easily the strongest Pokémon on my team. Yes, I do admit that 'The Walking Jungle' (even though it is just a single coconut tree) is a weird Pokémon, but weird isn't always a bad thing. That's why I'm giving Exeggutor a well-deserved 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#100 - #101: Voltorb & Electrode

Misty's Togepi actually befriended a Voltorb in the anime
episode "The Underground Round Up"; season 2, episode 34.

Somebody at Game Freak must have thought, "Hey, let's make a Pokémon that disguises itself as a Poké Ball and blows itself up for no goddamn reason at all."

Sounds fun.

And so Voltorb came into existence. And indeed, Voltorb do look like Poké Balls, which they demonstrate in the games as well. Generally, Poké Ball icons in the overworld are handy items you can pick up from the ground, but you might just get tricked and encounter a Voltorb when running about in the power plant (or New Mauville, for that matter). Incidentally, Voltorb's shiny form looks like a Great Ball, an upgraded Poké Ball. Coincidence? I think not. These Pokémon were first seen in a plant where modern Poké Balls were invented and are thought to have been created by being exposed to a strong energy pulse. This theory is only strengthened by the fact that it was discovered that Voltorb's components cannot be found in nature and thus it is a man-made Pokémon.

A Poké Ball among the Poké Balls.

But that's not all: Voltorb can evolve... into a reverse Poké Ball. That's right, Electrode is just an upside-down Voltorb, with just one difference: it has a mouth. Even Electrode sometimes gets mistaken for an item, despite it being almost 4 feet tall. It is known for drifting with the wind when it is full of stored electricity (which they absorb from power plants where fresh electricity is being generated, often causing blackouts), despite it weighing nearly 150 pounds. Other than that, Voltorb and Electrode are very much alike when it comes to their flavor: both Pokémon have the tendency to explode with very little or no stimulus (the slightest shock could trigger an enormous explosion), the only difference being that Electrode sometimes does it to entertain itself when it is bored. That's one suicidal bomb ball if I've ever seen one. Yeah, we all know the struggle of trying to catch an Electrode when suddenly it blows up in your fucking face.

Ken Sugimori's official art of Electrode.

However, Electrode really doesn't need the moves Self-Destruct or Explode, because its powerful (!) base 50 attack stat doesn't let it make good use of them. Electrode is a fast special attacker instead, even though it's not strictly a glass cannon: its base 80 special attack is okay, but it isn't something to write home about. Being the second fastest out of all non-legendary Pokémon, it's its speed what makes Electrode worthwile. It is able to set up the rain quickly with Rain Dance (and a Damp Rock attached to it, to extend the duration of the rain) and abuse a perfectly accurate Thunder, which would otherwise have only 70% accuracy. Taunt is useful to prevent opponents from setting up with stat-increasing moves, entry-hazard moves or moves that induce other weather conditions, and Volt Switch allows Electrode to get the hell out of the battle if it needs to, while still inflicting some damage. A Choice Specs-holding, Modest-natured Electrode might be an option as well, but it doesn't have all that many useful special moves to begin with. A staple move would be Thunderbolt, with Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power as back-up. And the fourth move? Uhm... Thunder? Maybe Mirror Coat if you feel confident enough that your Electrode can endure a special-based move first? I don't know; these are literally all good special-based moves it has access to. Too bad Electrode doesn't have much offensive presence, but at least it has three interesting abilities. Soundproof is the preferred and most useful one, because it negates the effects of all sound-based moves, including the ones that would normally damage Electrode. Static paralyzes a foe upon making contact and its hidden ability Aftermath causes the foe to take some damage when Electrode is knocked out with a direct attack. Nice abilities, but they're easy to get around.

We're so ballin'.

I don't know whether I should see Electrode as extremely unimaginative or the other way around. All I can say is that Electrode didn't disappoint me when I used it in a playthrough once, and one of the reasons is that it had no weaknesses. Normally, Electrode is weak to ground-type moves, but as these are somewhat easy to predict, I found myself evading many Earthquakes by setting up a Magnet Rise. This move lets Electrode levitate by using electrically generated magnetism for five turns, making it immune to ground-type attacks. Heh, I had so much fun with that. Just the fact that I used one in the first place is an indication that I don't hate Voltorb and Electrode in the slightest; on the contrary, these short-fused Pokémon have very interesting characteristics in my opinion. Besides, you can't say nobody put some thought into their designs. If only they had somehow executed them in a different way, because now they just seem lazy while this is not really the case at all. How about a 3.5-star rating, huh?

Rating: 3.5/5

#98 - #99: Krabby & Kingler

Ash's frothing Krabby in the anime. 

Game Freak are starting to contradict themselves here.

Why define Krabby as a 'River Crab Pokémon' and make its Pokédex entries say that they are most commonly found on beaches, where it burrows in the sand to create a hole to live in? Okay, Krabby are perfectly able to live in fresh water, but that is not the point. One could argue that beaches can be found along lakes and rivers as well, but most people associate a beach with the seashore, so I'm going to assume that the idiots at Game Freak don't have such a different thinking process. Aside from that, Krabby is not an interesting Pokémon in the slightest. The most notable thing to mention about Krabby is that it creates foam from its mouth, which it uses to shroud its body in order to make opponents think it is bigger than it actually is (which I'm sure is the trait of a certain real-life crab, just like its disability to walk sideways when it loses a pincer). Never mind its ability to regenerate its pincers when they get damaged during battles; some real-life crabs - you guessed it - can do the exact same thing.

Some nice fan art of Kingler holding its baby Krabby in its oversized pincher.

So what about Krabby's evolution? Well, Kingler's Pokédex entries only underpin my theory that the beaches mentioned in Krabby's entries are actually located at seas, because Kingler usually live along the edge of oceans. So, even though Krabby's classification as the 'River Crab' Pokémon is not strictly incorrect as it can actually be found along the edge of rivers, 'Crab Pokémon' would have sufficed. These kinds of inconsistencies really bug me for some reason. What doesn't bug me is Kingler's flavor. This Pokémon's claws, especially its larger left one (Kingler's name is actually a portmanteau of two crab species, namely the king crab and the fiddler crab, the latter of which actually has a larger left pincher), can pinch with a crushing strength of 10,000 horsepower and are even able to pry open Shellder and Cloyster's diamond-hard shells. The most interesting thing is that Kingler's left pincher is a hindrance as well: it is so large and heavy that Kingler can barely lift it, it causes balancing and aiming issues, and it causes Kingler to become fatigued quickly from continuous use.

Awesome realistic interpretation of Kingler!

Fortunately, this claw doesn't get in the way in competitive play. Well, except when you say that its claw actually makes Kingler slow, but its base 75 speed is not that bad; plus, there are Pokémon that are much slower than Kingler, so this is hardly a valid argument. Even though a Scarved, Jolly-natured Kingler might be an option within the Smogon tier it resides in (the unofficial PU tier), this comes at the expense of some of Kingler's strength. Its magnificent base 130 attack stat allows it to hit HARD, so might as well make the most of it by running an Adamant Kingler with a Life Orb, the Hyper Cutter ability (prevents the opponent from lowering its attack somehow) and the moves Agility and Swords Dance. Agility raises Kingler's speed by two stages, while Swords Dance does the same with its attack stat and Knock Off and Crabhammer (the strongest physical water-type move in the games, which can only be learned by the Krabby, Corphish and Clauncher lines) provide for excellent type coverage. Superpower might also be an option, should you want some more type coverage, but be cautious, as this move lowers Kingler's attack and defense stats and those are undoubtedly its best stats.

Kingler is blessed with three outstanding abilities, but as mentioned previously, Hyper Cutter is the best one. Shell Armor prevents it from getting critical hits, but its low special defense and HP might make it useless, and Sheer Force removes additional effects of certain moves in exchange for a little more power, but the only good physical move Kingler learns that benefits from that is Rock Slide, which it isn't gonna use anyway. Well, at least not in the competitive scene.

More fan art of Kingler.

And here's the thing: I actually like Kingler's strength, design and flavor and I would love to use it in a playthrough once. Should that happen, a Sheer Force Kingler with Swords Dance, Crabhammer, X-Scissor and Rock Slide might be a good option, considering that Kingler probably won't outspeed half of the Pokémon it encounters and thus won't make opponents flinch all that often. Sheer Force is Kingler's hidden ability, however, so it might be a difficult task to get one with that ability, but even without it, Kingler makes for an excellent Pokémon that hopefully won't disappoint me. For now, I'll give Kingler 4.5 stars, but who knows how much I'll like it in the future after using it once. Who knows...

Rating: 4.5/5

#96 - #97: Drowzee & Hypno

Two pieces of TCG art of Drowzee.

Sometimes I think Pokémon isn't meant for kids at all, because Game Freak come up with the scariest Pokédex entries for certain Pokémon.

The Pokémon I'm going to talk about right now are good examples of that.

Drowzee is a tapir Pokémon that is based on the Japanese myth of the baku, tapir-like creatures that are known for eating people's bad dreams. Drowzee basically does the same thing: it is able to put people to sleep and sense their dreams with its big nose, and will then eat those dreams through the victim's itching nose. Unlike the baku, Drowzee prefers fun dreams over nightmares, as the latter make it ill, and it will rarely eat the dreams of adults because children's dreams are seemingly tastier. They're TASTIER. Drowzee, you're already a creep for being some sort of dream pedophile, but the fact that you remember every dream you've eaten and can even pass them on to someone who sleeps by you is even creepier. Strangely enough, Drowzee is NOT able to learn Dream Eater in the video games; at least not by level-up. A few other Pokémon are, however, but the only one who can learn this particular move that somewhat matches its flavor is Darkrai. Drowzee, on the other hand, learns it through TM85 instead, which can be taught to numerous Pokémon that way. Game Freak, what up wit dat?

Rare Candy Treatment had the same issue with Drowzee not being able to learn
Dream Eater naturally. The only inconsistency is that Drowzee actually eats dreams
through the victim's nose rather than the ear. 

Anyway, if you thought Drowzee was scary, you ain't seen shit yet. You see, when Drowzee reaches level 26 it evolves into Hypno. That Pokémon is based on the same mythological monster its pre-evolution is based on (although Hypno looks more like a combination between a hypnotist and a proboscis monkey rather than a tapir, in my opinion), except it carries a glittering pendulum that it rocks at a steady rhythm to lull people into a deep hypnosis or put them to sleep in order to feast on their dreams, polishing its pendulum while it awaits its prey. But here's the thing: there once was an incident in which a Hypno took away a child it hypnotized. It's a KIDNAPPER! Game Freak, are you trying to let kids have a good time playing Pokémon or scare the shit out of them? Well, you can't say it's not an original concept to work with, at least I'll grant them that.

Hypno hypnotizing a child, which can be seen in the reflection of
his pendulum.

Too bad they didn't do anything in the video games to match its flavor. Okay, they let the player return a child who was kidnapped by a Hypno and taken to the nearby Berry Forest on Three Island (one of the Sevii Islands) in FireRed and LeafGreen, but I still don't get this Dream Eater thing. Not that Hypno needs that move anyway, because it will have to put the foe to sleep first and the only way it can do that is by using the low-accuracy move Hypnosis. Oh hey, looky looky at that: a flavor-matching move! Alright, enough with the sarcasm; let's see what Hypno is used for in competitive play. Its highest stats are its special defense and HP, so it won't come as a surprise that it is used a specially defensive wall. Combined with hold item Leftovers (to heal some of its HP after every turn) and ability Insomnia (so that Hypno can't be put to sleep) that can be accomplished very easily, especially combined with the Wish/Protect combo and a status-inflicting move like Thunder Wave or Toxic. Of course, Hypno should have an attacking move as well, which comes down to either Seismic Toss, which does damage equal to the user's level and is used against Pokémon that resist its STAB move Psychic, or Psychic itself. As for when using Hypno in a playthrough: it can learn Nasty Plot, which sharply raises its special attack, so a moveset consisting of Nasty Plot, Psychic, Shadow Ball and Dazzling Gleam is perfect. Its base 73 special attack (and physical attack, for that matter) might be a bit too low, but at least it's not entirely useless if you use at least one Nasty Plot.

I have never used Hypno before, and I don't think I want to in the future. It's not that I'm appalled by its characteristics or something (on the contrary, I quite find them some of the most interesting in the games), but Hypno is one of those Pokémon that has never really appealed to me, either. Aside from that, Hypno does have an interesting design and flavor, so I'll grant it a well-deserved 3.5-star rating.

Rating: 3.5/5