#118 - #119: Goldeen & Seaking

Some elegant fan art of Goldeen.

It's a fucking goldfish.

You know, I had a goldfish when I was still in elementary school. I named it Seaking, after the Pokémon, and it had about the same color scheme, too. The goddamn thing went bonkers, I'm telling you, starting to swim upside down and all... Jesus Christ. And then it died. All I can say is that I wasn't sad in the slightest, because goldfish are boring, period. Goldeen is no ordinary goldfish though, because ordinary goldfish don't have horns they use to smash their way to freedom if they are kept in an aquarium (although it has to be said that Goldeen and its evolution are probably also based on Matsya, an avatar that the Hindu god Vishnu assumed, which is sometimes depicted as a fish with a horn). I'm also quite sure that the caudal fins of ordinary goldfish aren't admired by many for their beauty because they billow very much like a ball gown. They surely don't have the nickname of the Water Queen because of that, which Goldeen does, even though the gender ratio among Goldeen is an equal 50/50. It swims against the currents of rivers at a steady 5 knots (which is a little under 6 miles per hour), but can also be found in ponds and lakes.

Here we have this beautiful modified art again! 

Its evolution Seaking aren't only capable of swimming against a river's currents, they can travel up waterfalls as well. That is probably the reason why Seaking and Goldeen are the only Pokémon capable of learning the move Waterfall by level-up, in the first generation even before it became an HM move later on. In the autumn, they travel upriver, where male Seaking engage in elaborate courtship dances to woo females (yeah, despite its name, Seaking lives in rivers and its gender ratio is still a fair 50/50). They make their nests in riverbed boulders in order to prevent their spawn from washing away, protecting their offspring with their lives by patrolling the area around their nests. During spawning season, the Seaking gather from all over and make the river turn a brilliant red color, becoming an even brighter and more beautiful red themselves, but despite that, I think Seaking is quite the ugly fish. Look at that mouth, man...

A Seaking deflects Ash's Pikachu's Thunderbolt to Ash's Snorunt
with a Horn Drill in Ash's double battle against Gym Leader
Juan in the anime episode "The Great Eight Fate!"; season 8,
episode 18.

Also ugly are its stats, which are underwhelming at best. At base 92, its attack stat is by far the best, and that would have worked if the rest of its stats had been around 90 as well. Unfortunately that is not the case: while its HP and special defense are an OK base 80, the rest end up under 70, including its speed stat. That doesn't make Seaking very fast. Unless you use it in a rain team, that is, in which case its ability Swift Swim will activate, effectively doubling Seaking's speed. Just make sure you make another of your Pokémon set up the rain, though, because Seaking will need the Choice Band. That item raises its attack by 50% but makes it capable of using only one move until it is switched out. However, you'd do better to ditch the rain bullshit and go straight for the Lightning Rod approach, because Seaking isn't a very good Swift Swim user. Lightning Rod, on the other hand, eliminates one of Seaking's weaknesses: electric. It draws in all electric-type attacks and even gives Seaking a boost in its special attack if it is hit by one. Not that Seaking is going to use that boost, because it is a physical attacker, but one weakness fewer is always nice! As for its moves, Seaking relies on Waterfall. Aqua Tail might be an option, as it is stronger, but it doesn't have a chance to flinch should Seaking outspeed anything and it has lower accuracy. Drill Run, Poison Jab and Megahorn provide excellent type coverage, while Knock Off is used to make the opponent lose its held item during the remainder of the battle. Slap an Adamant nature and a Choice Band on Lightning Rod Seaking to max out its attack (it needs that desperately!) and you might just have a decent Pokémon.

Honestly, I don't mind Goldeen and Seaking, neither do I really have affection for them. I had a Goldeen plushie once, but it wasn't my favorite and I don't think I had it for very long, either. But I don't think that Seaking is the worst Pokémon ever, nor are its design and flavor overly boring; they're moderately interesting, let's put it that way.

Rating: 3.5/5

#116 - #117, #230: Horsea, Seadra & Kingdra

A Horsea with a black eye is issuing a warning by spraying its ink
on the surface of the water in "Tentacool and Tentacruel"; season
1, episode 19. This Horsea would later join Misty's team.

Ahhh, we all know the Horsea Misty caught in the anime episode "Tentacool & Tentacruel", which I discussed in - obviously - Tentacool and Tentacruel's entry.

And by that I mean the anime episode, not Horsea.

Despite the fact that I basically discussed the entire episode in that entry, I mainly focused on the jellyfish and actually didn't mention Horsea once. Still, Horsea - who got injured by Tentacool and Tentacruel off-screen - played an important role in this episode, warning Ash and the others about the approaching danger by creating an image of Tentacool and Tentacruel on the sea's surface with its ink. While the attack is ongoing, Horsea even tries to plead with Tentacruel to stop, unfortunately to no avail. When the raid is over and Nastina still doesn't want to listen, Horsea sprays ink in her face before Tentacruel swats her away with its tentacle. Horsea ultimately decides to join Misty and becomes a faithful member of her team.

Glauert's seadragon, or the leafy seadragon, might have been the
inspiration for Horsea and its evolutions, even though Skrelp and
Dragalge look more like it. Instead, the weedy seadragon might
have been the inspiration for Kingdra, as it's a little less decorative.

Sadly, Horsea's Pokédex entries really aren't anything worth mentioning, as most characteristics match real-life seahorses as well, including the fact that male seahorses - rather than female ones - take the reins in childbirth and raise the young. Much more interesting is the speculation what Horsea is based on. It is classified as the 'Dragon Pokémon' (a typing it doesn't get until it evolves into its final evolution, Kingdra), so it might as well be based on the leafy sea dragon, a seahorse-like marine fish that was more likely the inspiration for the Gen. VI Pokémon Skrelp and Dragalge than for Horsea, but whatevs. A more probable reason why it is classified as such is its Japanese name, Tattu (タッツー), which is a corruption of tatsu, part of the common name for a seahorse in Japanese: tatsu-no-otoshigo, meaning 'illegitimate child of a dragon'. Huh, interesting.

The Horsea family from left to right: Horsea, Seadra and
Kingdra. 

This recurring dragon theme is going to play a bigger role with every evolution, because the English and Japanese names for Horsea's evolution Seadra are exactly the same. The name is a combination of 'seahorse' and 'dragon', and quite honestly, Seadra does look more like a dragon than Horsea. It also gets the Poison Point ability, as its Pokédex entries say that the venom it emits from the sharp, spiky fins on its back is toxic enough to induce fainting in humans, but that its fins and bones are prized among practitioners of traditional herbal medicine. Yet Seadra is neither a poison type nor a dragon type. I assume this has something to do with the Red and Blue game mechanics: there were no dragon-type moves in Gen. I other than Dragon Rage, which deals a fixed 40 damage, and as dragon was only weak to ice and itself, Seadra would have had no real weaknesses because of its ice-resisting water typing. That feature would have made Seadra way too overpowered, and it is probably the reason why Gyarados had (and still has) flying as its secondary type instead of dragon as well.

Now, THIS is an awesome drawing of Kingdra!

Fortunately, in Seadra's case, Game Freak changed that in Gen. II by giving it an evolution that is actually a dual water/dragon type: Kingdra. While Horsea and Seadra's flavor is nothing short of dull, Kingdra has characteristics that's gonna leave your jaw dropped on the goddamn floor. Here goes: Kingdra's yawn is strong enough to create undercurrents capable of destroying small ships. Should it decide to emerge from the depths of the ocean, its strength can create large whirlpools and sea-born tornadoes on the surface. Better yet (or worse, depending on how you look at it), because of its immense power it can create giant whirlpools even when it stirs in the cave it resides in at the very depths of the ocean, where no other Pokémon can survive. It is said to awaken and go wandering about in search for prey when a storm is 'bout to arrive. Kingdra is probably based on the Japanese legend of Ryūjin (or Ryōjin), a dragon god that is said to bear power over the seas of the world, live on the floors of deep bodies of water, and is known for its weather-like ascensions into the heavens. Now, THAT is quite some different shit than Seadra's Pokédex entries, which say that it is only capable of creating whirlpools when it spins its body around in order to catch prey.

Kingdra. Would it just have awoken from a deep slumber?

Such a shame that the method to obtain Kingdra is a little troublesome (you have to trade Seadra to another game while it is holding a Dragon Scale), but at least you'll have a great competitive Pokémon. Right? Well yeah, if you have a physical Kingdra, sure. I mean, its base attack and special attack stats of 95 are exactly the same and its entire learnset is solely special, but Kingdra has access to a great status move: Dragon Dance. This move raises its attack and speed by one stage each, so don't let it set up very often, because it'll turn into a speedy powerhouse before you know it. It is even somewhat of a tank, because its base defense and special defense stats of 95 and HP stat of 75 are nothing to sneeze at, either. And it learns just enough physical moves to be of use: Waterfall has a chance to flinch, Outrage is a strong, indispensable dragon-type move (be cautious, because you will be locked into this move for two or three turns), and Iron Head provides perfect coverage against fairy types, to which Kingdra has a weakness. Combine it with a Jolly nature, a Life Orb, Scope Lens (increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio) or Lum Berry (heals whichever status condition) as a held item, and the ability Sniper. That ability, like the Scope Lens, increases the critical hit ratio of Kingdra's moves. You can even ditch Iron Head and go for Focus Energy, which - you guessed it - increases Kingdra's critical hit ratio.

More Kingdra fan art.

As for the rest of its abilities: Damp is its hidden ability and is used to prevent weather conditions from taking effect, which is purely situational, while Swift Swim is mainly used when composing a rain team. In that case, Kingdra would work out great with a special moveset consisting of Hydro Pump, Draco Meteor, Ice Beam and Rain Dance. Flash Cannon is a great move for coverage against, yet again, fairy types, and Scald can be used to try and burn the foe. Usually, a Timid or Modest nature is required with such a set, and when you give it Choice Specs or a Life Orb to hold, you'll have a very, very decent special-attacking Kingdra. You can even go the diverse way and slap a Rash, Mild, Naive or Hasty nature on it to create a mixed attacker. Just make sure you don't put Kingdra up against a Pokémon with Freeze-Dry, because this ice-type move hits water types super-effectively (usually, water resists ice), which effectively makes Kingdra four times weak to it.

As you can read, Kingdra leaves you spoiled for choice. I quite like this Pokémon, and I definitely like it more than its pre-evolutions. I mean, Horsea is cute and all, but not very interesting. Neither is Seadra, for that matter. Kingdra all the way! Well, not all the way, but definitely more than halfway...

Rating: 4/5

#115: Kangaskhan

Mother hen and her cute little baby.

Remember the Zimbabwean lion Cecil, who was killed last year by a guy named Walter Palmer, an American dentist who kills big game just for sport?

Yeah, apparently mankind is as cruel in the Pokémon world as in real life.

You see, Kangaskhan were nearly hunted to extinction, until somebody was so smart to pass a bill that stated that they should be protected. And they are being protected now, but they are a very rare species only found in the Safari Zone. Well, that was the case in Red, Blue and Yellow at least; in later games you could still find them in one area or another, even though their encounter rate was still somewhat low (never higher than 10%). And considering Kangaskhan will always protect the baby in its pouch at all costs, even sleeping standing up so as to not crush its young, it is plausible to think that it was rather difficult to hunt, equal to the Big Five (a term coined by big-game hunters to refer to the African lion, Cape buffalo, African leopard, African elephant and black and white rhinoceros, for their difficulty to hunt on foot). It's interesting how some Pokémon's characteristics are serious fodder for discussion, as they sometimes represent issues that are problematic in the real world as well. In the case of hunting, they show how cruel, rotten and corrupt humans can sometimes be; in other cases, such as pollution, they show how neglectful, ignorant and selfish humans mostly are. It definitely leaves some food for thought...

Official art of Mega Kangaskhan by Ken Sugimori. Only the
child's appearance has changed; it looks more like its mother now,
including its eyes, armor-like patches on its knees and spiky tail.

Anyway, Kangaskhan. Its name is a contraction of kangaroo and Genghis Khan, the founder of the Mongol Empire, despite the species being exclusively female. On the other hand, Kangaskhan's design shows some elements of Mongolian laminar armor, so combine that with how violently protective Kangaskhan is of its child and the name makes much more sense. No matter how badly injured Kangaskhan becomes, the mother will not cease fighting until its young is safe, except in its Mega form. That's right, Kangaskhan has had a Mega evolution ever since X and Y came out, and it's probably the quaintest one, as Kangaskhan itself didn't get a change in its appearance like the rest of the Mega evolutions did; instead, the child in its pouch grows and gets to battle with its mother. That kinda contradicts Kangaskhan's flavor, as it is so protective of its child and the latter barely even leave its mother's pouch until it is three years old (I doubt even Pokémon grow as fast as demonstrated by Kangaskhan's Mega evolution's young, aside from regular evolution), but let's not be finicky about that. I mean, a Mega is nothing more than a battle mechanic to make a Pokémon stronger and, hopefully, more useful. Moreover, one characteristic of Mega Kangaskhan does make sense: the child is feisty, hates to lose and will boldly challenge its opponents to protect its mother. All of the mother's nurturing is finally paying off: baby loves its mama!

Mother Kangaskhan pulling her baby out of her pouch, getting
ready for battle (Mega Kangaskhan).

Besides, Mega Kangaskhan has a nifty new signature ability that perfectly matches its flavor: Parental Bond. This ability makes moves that Kangaskhan uses two-strike moves, with the second strike being half as strong as the first; one could see that as the child attacking after its parent. What's more: any secondary effects, such as the attack raise from Power-Up Punch, occur twice, and priority moves like Fake Out and Sucker Punch can easily be abused. There are even other effects, such as each strike having a separate chance to get a critical hit, that are so overpowered that Mega Kangaskhan resides in the Uber tier (where most OP legendary Pokémon like Lugia, Kyogre and Zekrom can be found). It is just too strong for normal tiers like OU, UU, RU and NU, especially since its base attack stat is already a powerful 125 (before applying abilities), while its base speed stat of 100 is nothing to sneeze at, either.

This is a very nice drawing of Kangaskhan!

For battles in a normal tier, I'd recommend using a regular Kangaskhan holding a regular item, preferably a Life Orb, Choice Band or Assault Vest, or maybe even a Silk Scarf if you want to run Double-Edge and don't want to take additional damage from a Life Orb. Jolly or Adamant is the preferred nature, while Scrappy (makes Kangaskhan hit ghost-type Pokémon with normal- and fighting-type moves, which ghost types are usually resistant to) is the most useful ability. Early Bird causes Kangaskhan to wake up earlier than usual, but that ability is merely situational and might not be of use. Inner Focus, however, prevents flinching, which might not be a bad idea if you suspect a Fake Out abuser or a Pokémon with the Serene Grace ability; still, Scrappy is the best ability to go with. As for Kangaskhan's moveset, this Pokémon learns a shitload of useful moves, most notably Double-Edge, Return and Fake Out, normal-type moves that it obtains STAB from. Crunch, Rock Slide, Outrage, Earthquake, Sucker Punch, Brick Break, Shadow Claw, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail are options as well. And it's a shame Kangaskhan doesn't get the Iron Fist ability, because it is able to lean Comet Punch (which is terrible, actually), Mega Punch (you're better off with Return), Dizzy Punch (mediocre, but has a chance to confuse the opponent), Hammer Arm, Focus Punch (only works reliably in conjunction with Substitute), the elemental punches, and Drain Punch. Especially the latter is nice, because it is a reliable source of healing for Kangaskhan. All of these moves are great options depending on what Pokémon you're gonna face and what kind of Kangaskhan you want to use.

TCG wallpaper of Mega Kangaskhan.

Kangaskhan is probably one of the few stand-alone Gen. I Pokémon that didn't get an evolution or a pre-evolution (Mega-evolving doesn't count, because it is temporary), the other ones being Farfetch'd, Pinsir, Tauros and Lapras. And quite honestly, Farfetch'd is the only one who actually needed an evolution but didn't get it. It's too bad Game Freak made Mega Kangaskhan way too overpowered by giving it the most broken ability ever. Kangaskhan needed a little love, but there is such a thing as giving it too much love, I guess. Nevertheless, Kangaskhan is an amazing, versatile Pokémon to use competitively. However, because of balancing problems (its Mega is too OP and its regular form falls a little short stat-wise, which is why it resides in the NU tier) I am unwilling to give it a perfect rating, even though I still love this Pokémon. 4.5 stars should do, right?

Rating: 4.5/5

#114, #465: Tangela & Tangrowth

Old official art of Tangela by Ken Sugimori.

Tangela and Tangrowth... I have no idea what to think of these strange Pokémon. Nobody knows what their vine-covered bodies look like, and apparently nobody seems to take the trouble to find out. Tangela does exactly what you expect it to do: entangle victims when they move too close to them, constantly jiggling its vines so as to deter herbivores that might mistake it for a shrub. Tangela's seaweed-like, ever-growing vines (and Tangrowth's arms, with which it entangles and catches prey, for that matter) will snap off easily and painlessly if the target pulls on them or eat them and grow back almost immediately, which indicates that - at least in Tangela's case - the ensnaring is only a defense mechanism in order to scare off intruders and potential predators. This suggests that their vines are frail, which is contradicted by game mechanics, as Tangela and its evolution Tangrowth are extremely (physically) defensive Pokémon. It would seem logical that Tangela and Tangrowth's vines protect them from severe harm.

Fan art of Tangela (right) and Tangrowth (left). 

That great defense stat comes into handy in competitive play, for both Tangela and Tangrowth. As is the case with Chansey (see previous post), Tangela benefits greatly from the Eviolite, which raises its defense and special defense by 50%. That will help Tangela to take even a couple of special hits. It does not have Chansey's massive HP stat, though, so it is easier to wear down with special moves than Chansey is with physical moves. And while Tangela does rely heavily on the Eviolite, it is not uncommon for some players to run a Modest one with EV training in its base 100 special attack and an offensive moveset consisting of Leaf Storm, Giga Drain, either Hidden Power or Ancient Power, and Sleep Powder to put the foe to sleep. Sludge Bomb is an option as well, to hit grass and fairy types. However, more common are Bold Tangela with EV investment in HP and defense, which emphasize Tangela's endurance and physically defensive character. Especially with the moves Toxic and Synthesis, the latter of which heals half of Tangela's HP, and its hidden ability Regenerator, which heals ⅓ of Tangela's HP when it is switched out, you can make Tangela last for a long time.

TCG art of Tangrowth.

Tangrowth, which can be obtained by leveling up Tangela while it knows Ancient Power (which is in my opinion the dumbest method ever), seems redundant when you have such a useful pre-evolution, but it actually has its uses, especially due to its access to Knock Off. While Tangela's attack stat is nothing to write home about, Tangrowth's base attack and special attack are roughly the same; they're at 100 and 110, respectively. As a result, Tangrowth can be used in plenty of different ways: an all-out physical offensive one with Power Whip, Knock Off, Earthquake, and either Rock Slide or Poison Jab, holding either a Life Orb or a Choice Band; an all-out specially offensive one with Leaf Storm, Focus Blast, Sludge Bomb and Giga Drain, holding either Choice Specs or a Life Orb; a specially defensive mixed attacker with a Brave, Quiet or Sassy nature, holding an Assault Vest (raises Tangrowth's special defense by 50%, which it may need), so it focuses on both defense and offense; and a physically defensive physical or mixed attacker with Leftovers and either a Bold or Relaxed nature, respectively. It is so versatile, but because its physical movepool is better and more useful than its special movepool, I lean more towards a physical Tangrowth. At all times, its ability should be Regenerator, just like Tangela's. The other two, Leaf Guard and Chlorophyll, only work well on a sun team.

While these two Pokémon definitely have their uses, I am not too fond of them. Tangela is alright, but Tangrowth is yet another of these weird Gen. IV evolutions, although I have to say that I don't hate it and that it's not near as bad as Magnezone and definitely not as bad as Lickilicky and Probopass.

Rating: 3/5

#440, #113, #242: Happiny, Chansey & Blissey

I have to admit this is some fine 3D fan art of Happiny, though.

Ugh. More fat, pink Pokémon... Just what we needed, right?

Nope.

At least, not Happiny. You know what Happiny is good for? Absolutely nothing, because practically everything about Happiny is nothing more than downright terrible. Its stats are absolutely booty; it is even tied with Chansey for the lowest base attack and defense of all Pokémon, both at 5. Even its pretty good 100 base HP won't make up for its low defensive stats and an Eviolite isn't gonna save them, either. Meh. Furthermore, its classification as the 'Playhouse Pokémon' really doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever, while its design bothers me to no end. It's so ridiculous. I mean... it looks like an infant wearing a pink diaper, complete with an egg-shaped toy. Well, that's where its annoying characteristics come into play: it is bothered by how curly its hair looks, it has a habit of being in the way of people and causing them to trip as a result of that, and it is always carrying an egg-shaped rock with it because it desperately wants to be a Chansey. That is sad. And not in a good way. Its Pokédex entries never mention anything like a playhouse either, which makes its classification even more confusing.

I'm still bothered by baby Pokémon like Happiny. I mean, they're so incredibly unnecessary...

In the anime, Chansey are often seen as Nurse Joy's assistants in
Pokémon Centers. 

Fortunately, though, it is easy to evolve Happiny into Chansey: just give it an Oval Stone to hold and level it up during the day. And do it fast, because Chansey is much better than its pre-evolution. Wait, wait, wait, I am moving way too fast now; I'll discuss Chansey's battle skills later. Let's take a look at its Pokédex entries first. Chansey is a rare and elusive Pokémon, but it is also gentle and kind-harted and will bring happiness and luck to those who manage to catch it. It will share its succulent and nutritious eggs, which it lays on a daily basis, with an injured human or Pokémon if it sees one. The eggs become even more delicious when Chansey is treated with love and care; so delicious, in fact, that even people who have lost their appetite devour them easily and eagerly. Its healing powers and caring nature make it an excellent nurse, which is why Nurse Joy is always assisted by a Chansey whenever Ash walks into a goddamn Pokémon Center (of course, Gen. V doesn't know what a Chansey is, so Unova Joys are assisted by Audino instead).

Fan art of Chansey happily giving Pachirisu an injection.

This whole healer thing is important, because that is exactly what Chansey is used for in the competitive scene. Yeah, well, its attack and defense are still booty (they're the same as Happiny's), but it has great special defense and a MASSIVE base HP stat of no less than 250. Two hundred and fucking fifty. Only Blissey, Chansey's evolution, has a higher HP stat, but it is higher by only five base points. As Chansey's special defense is high enough already, most players run a Chansey with a Bold nature and EV investment in HP and defense. Give it an Eviolite, a held item that raises a yet-to-evolve Pokémon's defense and special defense by 50%, and you have an ultimate wall. It means that Chansey can take a few physical hits, despite its dreadfully low defense stat. Unfortunately, Chansey has no attacking power, which means it will have to rely on a moveset consisting of Soft-Boiled (heals its HP by half), Seismic Toss (deals damage equal to the user's level), Heal Bell (all Pokémon in the user's party are cured of their non-volatile status conditions, if they have any), and either Toxic or Thunder Wave in order to cripple the opponent with a status effect.

The Chansey family: Happiny (on top of Chansey), Chansey itself (left) and Blissey
(right), with Nurse Joy in the background. 

There are other options, though. Counter is a decreased-priority move that hits for twice the physical damage done to Chansey on that turn, which may be an option, while Thunderbolt, Ice Beam and Flamethrower are viable options if you want to hit ghost-type Pokémon, who are unaffected by Seismic Toss (and Counter, for that matter). Wish can only be obtained by using a special event Chansey that was distributed from December 16, 2004 to January 2, 2005 to any Gen. III game. You probably don't have one, and quite honestly it is not worth the hassle. Do make sure your Chansey has Natural Cure as its ability though, which heals any status condition it has upon switching out. Its hidden ability Healer has a 30% chance of curing an adjacent ally's status condition, so this only comes in handy when you're participating in double battles. And while Chansey also has the Serene Grace ability and its very own held item called the Lucky Punch, both of which raise its critical hit ratio, this combination is actually not a good idea to use considering Chansey's poor offensive presence.

Old official art of Blissey.

So, what about Blissey? Well, its flavor is pretty much the same as Chansey's, with the only difference being the effects of its eggs: eating a Blissey egg will bring happiness to a sad person and makes someone unfailingly caring and pleasant to everyone. Blissey evolves from Chansey when leveled up with high friendship, which means it is a fully-evolved Pokémon. As a result, Blissey cannot use the Eviolite (it depends on Leftovers instead), which sucks because it needs that item. Its base 10 defense might be slightly better than Chansey's, but it is still very, very poor, especially when you consider that Chansey can make use of the Eviolite to make up for its terrible physical defense. Therefore, Blissey resides in a lower tier than Chansey (UU, underused, rather than OU, overused), but that doesn't mean it is bad. On the contrary, Blissey has even higher special defense and special attack stats (along with a slightly better HP stat, but that doesn't really make much difference), which means it is capable of tanking special hits and hitting the opponent with at least some power. However, Blissey is often used in the same way as Chansey is, with the same nature, EV spread and stalling moveset used by its pre-evolution. Besides, its special attack is only mediocre and is really nothing to write home about, so it's probably a good thing using Blissey as a special wall rather than a special attacker.

All in all, it's too bad Game Freak had to introduce Happiny, because that Pokémon is ridiculous and redundant and has hardly any use, in-game as well as competitively. Chansey and Blissey are amazing Pokémon to use if you know what you're doing, however, so you won't see a bad rating on this page by any means. Yes, I know that they're pink, cute and fluffy, but I like them nonetheless.

Rating: 3.5/5

#111 - #112, #464: Rhyhorn, Rhydon & Rhyperior

Early concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. Depicted are Rhydon
and its Trainer. 

I don't care about Rhyhorn. I really don't. I mean, I don't think it's a bad Pokémon by any means and I definitely don't hate it, but I just consider it pre-evolution number something. Add to that its uninteresting flavor (it's stupid, starts running in one direction due to its short legs, forgets why and keeps running like a headless chicken until it falls asleep or crashes into something and remembers why it had started dashing off in the first place) and you make me want to start talking about its evolution Rhydon. Why? Well, you'd expect the first Pokémon to have ever been created to be Bulbasaur or Pikachu, right? Well, no. Bulbasaur might be number one in the Kanto and National Pokédexes, but it is not the first Pokémon that Satoshi Tajiri has come up with. Neither was Pikachu, as the notorious yellow mouse wasn't even meant to be Ash's sidekick in the first place (Clefairy was), let alone the mascot of the entire damn franchise. No, according to interviews with Ken Sugimori - who creates the official Pokémon artworks - and early drafts of Capsule Monsters, as Pokémon was initially called when Satoshi Tajiri proposed its design concept to Nintendo, Rhydon was the first Pokémon to have ever been created.

Another concept sketch of Capsule Monsters. At the bottom left corner, you can
see a Rhydon standing or sitting at a fountain, together with its Trainer.

Yup, the whole hype started with Rhydon, a rhinoceros Pokémon that doesn't have any special role in the games, anime or manga whatsoever. This theory is further supported as Rhydon was the first Pokémon coded into Red and Blue, and as a result its index number in Gen. I is 001. It's actually too bad that its characteristics are a little bland and just don't meet up to the excitement of Rhydon being the first ever Pokémon to have been created. It is physically strong and has an armor-like hide that can withstand heat and physical blows, according to the Pokédex. Well yeah, that's quite apparent when you take a look at it. It has also been seen toppling over buildings with a sweep from its tail, which strongly reminds me of a certain trait of Nidoking's. Okay, Rhydon was probably the first one to have received that trait from Game Freak, but still... And mentioning that standing on its hind legs made it smarter only to say that it is still very forgetful in the very same Pokédex entry is a little bit contradictory, isn't it? RIGHT, Game Freak? The only interesting thing is that the horn Rhydon uses as a drill can crush uncut diamonds. Seriously, it takes some power to crush a diamond.

Little figurines of Rhyhorn (front) and Rhydon (back).

But then along came Rhyperior. Introduced in Gen. IV, along with some other - often horrendous - evolutions of Pokémon that already existed before that, Rhyperior is indeed superior. Having Rhydon a Protector to hold then trading it off is the method to evolve it; this method is a little tedious, but it pays off, because Rhyperior is an awesome-looking powerhouse! It even has cannon things as arms, which it uses to launch Geodude with. Like, what? Well, it actually fires ordinary rocks from its arms by tightening then expanding its muscles instantly, hence it is able to learn Rock Wrecker, a rock-type Hyper Beam. Remember Geodude, Graveler and Golem's entry, when I said that Geodude are often mistaken for ordinary rocks? Well, I guess Rhyperior is facing the same problem when it's looking for rocks it can shoot from its missile launchers to its heart's content. Also, its carapace can withstand any actual volcanic eruption, which is even more impressive than Rhydon being able to live in molten lava of 3,600°F.

Now, can you SEE how awesome Rhyperior is?

In the competitive scene, though, Rhyperior can't withstand many special hits, as its special defense is close to terrible and most fire-type moves are special-based. However, there are several ways to make use of Rhyperior. With its excellent HP, attack and defense, being 115, 140 and 130 respectively, it is already a physical tank and powerhouse, which allows you to invest in its HP and subpar special defense to create an all-out defensive tank with quite some offensive power left, too. Leftovers for a little recovery every turn completes the set. Another way: the move Rock Polish raises Rhyperior's speed stat by two stages and is great in conjunction with a Jolly nature and speed investment, which allows Rhyperior to take an attempt at sweeping, especially when it manages to get a Swords Dance off as well. This is completely optional, although you should give it a Life Orb for some extra power. Of course, the best way to make use of Rhyperior is to max out its monstrous attack stat by rocking (pun intended) a Choice Band Rhyperior with an Adamant nature. Murder guaranteed. Just make sure you're always using one with Solid Rock as its ability, as this reduces super-effective damage by ¼. That might come in handy when it gets hit by a water- or grass-type move, to which it normally has quadruple weaknesses. Lightning Rod is absolutely garbage, because it draws in electric-type attacks to which Rhyperior is immune to due to its primary ground typing, anyway. Its immunity takes precedence over its ability anyway, so the special attack boost from Lightning Rod won't even occur, unless it is holding a Ring Target. You don't want a special attack boost anyway, because its special attack is abysmal. Lastly, the ability Reckless powers up moves from which Rhyperior takes recoil damage. It seems nice at first glance, but you're not going to use Take Down by any means, so leave that ability be.

AAAAAAAHHH, LOOK AT HIM GOOOOO!!! :D

Naturally, almost every set should contain the moves Stone Edge and Earthquake, a combination that is often infamously referred to as EdgeQuake, but Rock Blast can be considered to break through substitutes and punish Focus Sash users. Fortunately, Rhyperior is blessed with a crazy diverse movepool to fill in some loose spots. Megahorn is commonly used in competitive play, as are Ice Punch and Aqua Tail. Hammer Arm, Poison Jab, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Crunch, Dragon Rush, Outrage, Iron Tail, Iron Head, the elemental fangs and Superpower are viable options for type coverage, while Dragon Tail is a somewhat weak move that makes Rhyperior go last but forces the opponent to switch out. You can even give Stealth Rock to it if you take the defensive approach. However, which combination of moves and item you use depends heavily on which tier you're fighting in and which Pokémon you're facing. And if Rhyperior falls short for you, you can just use a Rhydon with an Eviolite attached to it, so it is guaranteed to tank hits.

On my previous blog, I placed Rhydon at number 48 on my list of favorite Pokémon, just because it is the first drafted Pokémon. Yeah, I might have exaggerated a little bit with that. Since then, its evolution Rhyperior has grown a lot on me and I have come to absolutely adore this Pokémon. Of all the Gen. IV evolutions of already existing Pokémon, Rhyperior is BY FAR THE BEST. It probably won't surprise you I'm giving it a perfect rating!

Rating: 5/5

#109 - #110: Koffing & Weezing

Some ancient official art of Koffing.

Jesus CHRIST, am I glad I get to review a Pokémon I actually like after the disaster that is called Lickilicky!

Koffing and Weezing are the last of 33 poison types in the Kanto Pokédex (they even outnumber water types in this generation), but are they the best? They are some of the most disgusting, that's for sure, as they are the personification of air pollution. As a matter of fact, Koffing and Weezing were originally known as Ny and La in the Red and Blue bèta. These names obviously represented the air-polluted metropolises of New York City and Los Angeles, respectively, although I guess they can't be as bad as Beijing. Instead, the translators went with Koffing and Weezing, which are corruptions of coughing and wheezing, as you usually do when inhaling toxic gases. Additionally, Koffing and Weezing share traits with two other poison-type evolution lines, namely Grimer and Muk (based on water pollution) and Trubbish and Garbodor (based on land pollution).

Koffing (above) and Weezing (below) in the Pokémon
anime series. 

Koffing is all about air pollution, though. This kind of pollution is probably the most well-known and most serious kind, due to the emission of high concentrations of carbon dioxide (CO₂) by numerous factories and cars all over the world, and more. Koffing is the personification of that kind of pollution, as it is able to create gases within its body by mixing toxins with garbage. These gases are lighter than air, allowing Koffing to hover, and they're so malodorous and unhealthy that they cause sniffles, coughs and teary eyes to those around it. If Koffing becomes agitated, it will increase the toxicity of its eternal and expels them from all over its body. It produces more gas when it's hot, but when too many kinds of gas are mixed up at too high a temperature, they will expand and cause its thin, balloon-like body to explode. Apparently, it takes many years for two Koffing to form a Weezing when two gases pool (of course, leveling up Koffing to level 35 will suffice in the games). Each of Weezing's heads contains a different toxin, which Weezing mixes by inflating one head and deflating the other. When these gases mix (and when Weezing feeds on dust, germs and gases emitted by rotted kitchen garbage and toxic waste, for that matter) it becomes more toxic and putrid, but unlike Koffing's gases, Weezing's can actually be used to make top-grade perfumes by diluting them to the highest level.

Some amazing realistic fan art of Koffing expelling its poisonous
gases.

In short, Koffing and Weezing are dangerous Pokémon you should not be around with if you don't want to choke on highly noxious gases. It's a nice touch to match Koffing and Weezing's level-up movepool (e.g. Poison Gas, Smog, Smokescreen, Haze, Clear Smog, Self-Destruct, Explosion) with their flavor. Seriously though, having these Pokémon be based on air pollution, Trubbish and Garbodor completing the pollution 'cycle' in the fifth generation, is a very subtle way to bring pollution to the attention of people, which may make them aware of it. Whether this was really Game Freaks intention or not (personally, I think they just wanted to come up with some really original ideas), it is probably a slightly ineffective way to do so all the same, as children really don't care about it and just want to use these awesome creatures to proceed through the game. While Weezing definitely isn't the most popular out of all existing Pokémon, it is undoubtedly the most popular pollution Pokémon (poor Garbodor is hated on by practically everybody), being one of the original 151 along with Grimer and Muk and the most defensive one.

Weezing in the anime series, emitting its extremely toxic gases.

And that great defense stat, usually exploited by using a Weezing with a Bold nature, makes this Pokémon very useful in competitive play, combined with its ability to badly cripple its foes. It does that by burning them with Will-O-Wisp, poisoning them by setting up Toxic Spikes or damaging them while gaining some HP back with Pain Split. That last move adds the current HP of the user and the target, divides that value by two and sets the HP of both Pokémon to that result. It's tricky to use, but used correctly it's a good way to regain some health back, not to mention it is actually the only way to do that besides giving either Black Sludge or Leftovers to Weezing as a held item. Black Sludge is the better option, as it only heals poison types and hurts Pokémon of other types; and if some Pokémon or other uses Trick or Switcheroo, it will hurt it instead of heal it. As for the other slot in Weezing's moveset, it should use either Sludge Bomb or Flamethrower, despite its attack being slightly higher than its special attack.

Wait, what? I never knew that; I thought its special attack was much higher than its attack stat! Goddamn, reviewing every single Pokémon can be rather surprising sometimes...

More weird Weezing fan art, just for the hell of it.

Anyway, you can even drop Toxic Spikes and add both moves, because Flamethrower hits steel types whereas Sludge Bomb does not, and Will-O-Wisp gives the opposing Pokémon a status condition anyway. Clear Smog and Haze are options to reset all stat levels of the target to 0, which prevents the opponent from setting up. Clear Smog can be used to damage the foe as well, but it doesn't work on steel types, while Haze is actually able to do so but doesn't do any damage. Lastly, Weezing's ability Levitate makes it get rid of a pesky weakness to a very common type, the ground type, which makes its only weakness the psychic type.

All in all, I quite like Weezing, although it doesn't really appeal to me as much as Muk and Garbodor do. And yes, I do actually like Garbodor. Don't hate on me. Long story short, Weezing gets a well-deserved rating of 3.5 stars, just half a star lower than Muk and probably Garbodor, too.

P.S.: Did you know that Smogon, the premier website specializing in the art of competitive battling, is actually named after Koffing's German name?

Rating: 3.5/5