#132: Ditto

GIF of two Ditto (one of them is shiny) transforming into Dawn's
Piplup and Ash's Pikachu. 

And then we have this thing.

Ditto is the abomination of the first generation. It was designed for absolutely no purpose other than being a gimmicky Pokémon. Being able to rearrange its entire cellular structure, Ditto can transform into any Pokémon it sees. This gimmick is actually pretty pointless, because it envelops a tactic that doesn't really work at all. Ditto only knows the move Transorm and can't learn anything else, and until the fourth generation, transforming into the Pokémon of your liking took up an entire turn. But even with its hidden ability Imposter, Ditto is still not a good Pokémon to use. Here's my problem: if Ditto changes into the opponent's Pokémon, it gains the opponent's species, typing, moves (all have only 5 PP after using Transform), ability, stats (except for HP), EV investment, EV yield, catch rate, possible stat modifications and possible Mega evolution, right? But to counter Blastoise with Blastoise or Bisharp with Bisharp makes no sense, as water resists water and steel resists steel, while countering Mismagius with Mismagius or Salamence with Salamence isn't beneficial either, because both ghost and dragon are super effective against themselves. Even when you copy an attack that is super effective on the opponent, the opponent will have that same super-effective move on Ditto as well. And with such low base HP and basically no PP on its copied moves, Ditto is almost always the first to go down.

Ditto, the whore of the Pokémon world.

Thankfully, Ditto has actually been useful from Gen. II onward, because it is used for breeding. You see, Ditto is nothing more than a dirty ho, and it will fuck anything to produce offspring without having the goodwill to pay child support. It doesn't even have the decency to go to some sort of Red Light District; it just does it in a goddamn day care. That's utterly redonkulous! All jokes aside though, you can have almost any Pokémon breed with Ditto to produce eggs. Those eggs will always contain the species you let breed with Ditto, as it is impossible to obtain an egg that contains a Ditto. Most of the time, this is what Ditto is used for in the first place: many Trainers use it for breeding in order to obtain Pokémon of other species with perfect IVs and their preferred natures and abilities. Of course, this is only possible because of Ditto's ability to transform into anything it sees. Strangely, Transform is not its signature move, as there is one other Pokémon that can learn it naturally: Mew. Ditto doesn't only have that in common with Mew, either: they have the same coloration for their regular appearances, the same shiny coloration, the same weight (8.8 pounds), perfectly balanced base stats (Ditto's at 48, Mew's at 100) and no gender.

There is a popular fan theory roaming around on the Internet that says Ditto is a failed attempt at cloning Mew, as in Pokémon Yellow there are Ditto to be found in the Pokémon Mansion on Cinnabar Island and Cerulean Cave. That mansion is where several experiments with Mew and Mewtwo were carried out, and the cave is the place where Mewtwo can be found and caught. This theory is not confirmed, however, and these kinds of speculations don't have anything useful to add to Ditto's flavor.

Stills from "Ditto's Mysterious Mansion"; season 1, episode 37.
Duplica's Ditto doesn't seem to have perfected the art of
transforming, so it seems. Its attempts to properly transform into
Pikachu, Voltorb, Bulbasaur and Machoke, respectively, all
failed.

Speaking of which, Ditto is excruciatingly boring. Its design is nothing more than a pink blob and all of its Pokédex entries come down to the same damn thing: it can copy the foe's genetic code and reconstruct its own cellular structure to transform into any foe that stands in front it. There is one notable exception in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald's entries, as they state that Ditto may get some details wrong when relying solely on its memory to transform into a Pokémon (or an inanimate object, for that matter). The anime demonstrated that some Ditto can't even properly transform into something that stands before it. In "Ditto's Mysterious Mansion", Ash and his friends come across a girl called Duplica (I'm not lying, that's the chick's actual name), who wants to be a Ditto master and a star in performing. Much to her dismay, though, her Ditto isn't capable of mirroring other Pokémon's faces correctly. But when Team Rocket abduct Ditto and threaten to hurt it if it doesn't do what they want, Ditto transforms into an exact replica of Meowth, which leaves Duplica thoroughly ecstatic after she and the rest come to Ditto's rescue.

I don't like Ditto. Except for the sole purpose of breeding, it is absolutely pointless: its design is very unimaginative, it's a terrible battler and it can't even be used as an HM slave. And if you want a Ditto with perfect IVs, you'd better go looking for hacked Powersaves Ditto, because obtaining a legit one is extremely hard. I don't hate Ditto, but I'd lie if I told you that I'm not at least a little bit bothered by its existence. It's by far not as terrible as Lickilicky and Mr. Mime, two horrendous Pokémon I already discussed before, but still...

Rating: 1.5/5

#131: Lapras

Lapras's surfing sprite in Pokémon X and Y. All of the
other surfing Pokémon are depicted as black blobs.

Imagine you could go anywhere just by riding Lapras. You won't be polluting the environment by emitting carbon dioxide when driving your car, transport is completely free of charge, and, most importantly, you won't be surrounded by noisy and nosy people: Lapras is all for yourself. If only that was possible...

Yeah, dream on.

Well, in the Pokémon world, Lapras is actually a very timid and docile but gentle Pokémon that is more than willing to ferry people across large bodies of water, a trait that has been recurrently demonstrated in the Pokémon franchise. During the Orange Islands saga, Ash owned a baby Lapras that took him and his friends everywhere they needed to go, from island to island and from adventure to adventure. Furthermore, the surfing sprite in X and Y is actually a Lapras instead of a vague black blur and the games in the Mystery Dungeon series often feature a Lapras that transports the main characters to other continents. There are probably other examples, but I was just trying to make a point here: Lapras is all about transporting other people and/or Pokémon, hence its classification as the 'Transport Pokémon'.

Fan art of Lapras leaping from the ocean water.

Except for the fact that there aren't any real-life marine creatures that will ferry you across the oceans, Lapras' flavor in general is interesting and very well-executed in the anime and games. It seems to be loosely based on the Scottish fable of the Monster of Loch Ness, but strongly resembles a species of marine dinosaurs from the Jurassic period known as the plesiosaur. Lapras is a very compassionate and intelligent Pokémon that can understand human speech (which is not extraordinary, because any other Pokémon is able to understand human speech as well) and can read the minds of people, and is so rare due to it being overhunted almost to extinction by hunters that take advantage of its gentle and pacifist nature. Therefore, it sings enchanting melodies to seek or keep in touch with others of its kind. All of these characteristics can be comparable to some cetaceans, marine mammals like whales and dolphins.

Fun fact: Lapras's name is a corruption of the surname of Pierre-Simon Laplace, an influential French mathematician who wrote several books on the mathematical properties of the sea and tides, and/or a corruption of la place, which is French for 'the seat' and refers to how passengers sit on its back like a seat to be ferried across the waters. Additionally, its name may also be derived from lapis lazuli, a deep blue semi-precious stone that has been prized for its intense color since ancient times.

More Lapras fan art. 

But despite the fact that Lapras rarely fight, Game Freak can hardly prohibit you to use Lapras to fight with in the games, especially in the competitive scene. And Lapras is a bulky Pokémon with well-rounded stats across the board, possessing some beefy HP and alright offensive and defensive stats. Its speed isn't that good, but Lapras is meant to take some hits, so it doesn't matter anyway. Now, there are a few ways to use this thing. Firstly, an all-out attacking Lapras isn't uncommon: Lapras can learn a shit-ton of good offensive moves, including Ice Beam, Scald, Freeze-Dry, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Surf, Dragon Pulse, Ancient Power, Bulldoze, Body Slam, Zen Headbutt, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Iron Head, Iron Tail and Outrage. A Modest nature and Choice Specs help pump up the strength of its moves even further, but Lapras isn't the best attacker out there (although I'm not saying that it's bad by any means). I recommend utilize Lapras's natural bulk and breed one with a Bold nature, while you maximize its HP and defense EVs and, to a lesser extent, invest some in its special attack as well. It should be holding the Leftovers and its moveset should consist of Scald (does some STAB damage and has a high chance to burn the opposing Pokémon), Rest, Heal Bell (heals all of your Pokémon's status conditions) and Roar (forces the opponent to switch into another Pokémon, which is handy if the opposing Pokémon is setting up). Ditching Roar for Freeze-Dry or Ice Beam is optional. Anyway, to top all of that, Shell Armor is an excellent ability that prevents the opponent to pull off a critical hit on Lapras, which only adds up to Lapras's bulk. Water Absorb is nice too, absorbing incoming water-type attacks and even getting some HP recovery from them, while Hydration cures any non-volatile status condition while it's raining and works primarily on a rain team. It can be useful in combination with Rest, though.

In the end, Lapras is a very interesting Pokémon that has a lot going for it. Some Pokémon are easily forgettable, but the motherfuckers at Game Freak have done everything in their power to let nobody forget about it. And rightfully so, because Lapras is an excellent Pokémon that deserves some love.

Rating: 4/5

#129 - #130: Magikarp & Gyarados

I think Magikarp has the right to say this. 

So how does the most pathetic Pokémon evolve into a monstrous Pokémon exactly?

And with pathetic I actually mean pathetic. Magikarp's level-up movepool has been the same since Gen. II, consisting of only Splash, Tackle and Flail, and its stats are terrible across the board. Well, its speed is decent, but it's useless when you have no offensive or defensive stats whatsoever. But do you see the memes below and on the right? That's right, Magikarp will fuck you up when it evolves into the fearsome Gyarados, but how does that excalate so quickly? Well, Magikarp is based on an Asian carp (although it does look a bit like a koi carp), a kind of fish that is easily startled and can jump 8 to 10 feet in the air, hence Magikarp's 'ability' to splash. Magikarp's evolution into Gyarados refers to a Chinese legend about how carp that leapt over the Dragon Gate, which many believe is located behind several waterfalls and cataracs in China, would become dragons, but it's mainly an allegory of the drive and efforts needed to overcome obstacles. This is also demonstrated in the side game Pokémon Snap, in which a Magikarp splashes its way into a waterfall and evolves after taking certain steps.

Awesome fan art of a Gyarados scaring the crap out of a Rattata.

And, honestly, the change from Magikarp (stats, appearance, Pokédex entries) into Gyarados is like broad daylight abruptly turning into the dead of night. Even its Pokédex entries portray Magikarp as weak and pathetic. The following examples are a selection of Magikarp's Pokédex entries in the video games; there are a couple more, but I don't want to make this article too long.

Pokédex entry Red/Blue:
"In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today."

Pokédex entry Silver:
"For no reason, it jumps and splashes about, making it easy for predators like Pidgeotto to catch it mid-jump."

Pokédex entry Ruby:
"Magikarp is a pathetic excuse for a Pokémon that is only capable of flopping and splashing. This behavior prompted scientists to undertake research into it."

Pokédex entry Emerald:
"Its swimming muscles are weak, so it is easily washed away by even slow-moving currents. In places where water pools, you can see many Magikarp deposited there by the flow."

Pokédex entry FireRed:
"It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world."

Pokédex entry Diamond:
"It is said to be the world's weakest Pokémon. No one knows why it has managed to survive."

Goddamn, Magikarp really wants to murder some people. By the
way, this Gyarados is shiny, for those who didn't know that yet.
Regular Gyarados are blue.

Horribly weak, a pathetic excuse for a Pokémon, virtually worthless, the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world... Those are some powerful superlatives you use there, Game Freak. Like, calm the fuck down. I know Magikarp isn't strong, but adding so many inglorious Pokédex entries is really pushing it. Actually, there are two that are somewhat positive, but they are both overshadowed by the negativity added to them: Sapphire's entry says that Magikarp can survive in the most polluted waters but actually starts off with some of above-mentioned superlatives, while Diamond's (as well as Black, White, Black 2 and White 2's entries) mentions that a Magikarp that lives for many years can leap a mountain using Splash but that the move remains useless no matter what. And even though you're not exactly wrong by chastizing Magikarp for being worthless, that's a very effective way to make some positivity about it undone, Game Freak. Excellent job.

James's Gyarados in "Pokémon Shipwreck";
season 1, episode 16. It is enraged because it
is kicked away as a Magikarp after being
called worthless. It takes revenge by
summoning other Gyarados and create a huge
waterspout that blows the kids away.

How different Gyarados's Pokédex entries are from Magikarp's, though. This humangous sea serpent has fangs that can crush stones and its scales are harder than steel. Gyarados is classified as the 'Atrocious Pokémon', and that description is spot on: it looks hideous and has a terrible personality also. You see, Gyarados is infamously known for its fierce temper and wanton destructive tendencies and it is capable of annihilate entire cities in a rage, which it has done in ancient times. There are even records of this Pokémon's rampages lasting a whole goddamn month. It is attracted to wars and conflicts, which is why it is hard to tame one even after it is captured by its Trainer, and an exceptional amount of work in taming Gyarados is required in order for it to obey its Trainer without any problems. This is demonstrated in "Pokémon Shipwreck", one of the earlier episodes of the anime. In the episode before that, "Battle Aboard the St. Anne", James gets conned on the St. Anne, a gigantic cruise ship, and ends up with a worthless Magikarp. However, the St. Anne capsizes and Ash, his friends and Team Rocket have to work together to make their way out of the sinking ship by use of Misty's water Pokémon. James tries to use Magikarp, but nearly ends up drowning, and after all of them are gathered together on a raft, James calls Magikarp a worthless piece of shit (not literally, but it's pretty damn near close) and kicks it into the ocean. This triggers evolution in Magikarp, changing into the fearsome Gyarados. Enraged, it summons other Gyarados who start swimming in circles, creating a enormous waterspout that blows everyone away, resulting in the majority of the bunch to be washed ashore on an island with giantic robotic Pokémon ("Island of the Giant Pokémon").

But why on Earth is Gyarados so incredibly violent compared to Magikarp? Well, the brain cells undergo a structural transformation, which is believed to be blamed for Gyarados's sudden violent behavior. I don't want to give away too much, but Gyarados seems to be the counterpart of Milotic: both are serpentine evolution of weak fish, both have an increase of 340 points in their base stat total upon evolution, and both appear in times of conflict (Gyarados to destroy, Milotic to becalm). If you take a look at Milotic, you'll understand why.

Official art of Mega Gyarados.

But upon gaining all of this power, Gyarados should become an awesome Pokémon to use competitively, right? Oh, hell yeah. Game Freak blessed Gyarados with an amazing Mega evolution that hits like a truck. With base 155 attack, 109 defense, 130 special defense and a decent base 95 HP stat, Mega Gyarados is an offensive tank. Unfortunately, it doesn't gain any speed upon Mega-evolving, but that can be fixed by teaching it Dragon Dance. That is definitely a move you'll want to keep, along with Crunch and Waterfall (or Aqua Tail; more power in exchange for some accuracy), from which it gets STAB. The other spot in its moveset should be reserved for Earthquake, but it also learns Stone Edge, Ice Fang, Outrage, Iron Head, Iron Tail and Dragon Tail (makes Gyarados to go last, but forces the opponent to switch out to one of their Pokémon at random, which is perfect to prevent sweepers from setting up). However, regular Gyarados has the flying type as its secondary typing, so it doesn't get STAB from Crunch. Moreover, the lack of good physical flying-type moves makes it a lot less viable for competitive play. It only gets Bounce, which is a two-turn move and therefore unusable, as it'll let the opponent get the chance to switch out to a Pokémon that is resistant to flying. Unless you give it a Power Herb, that is, which is a one-time-use item that allows the holder to attack immediately with a move that charges on the first turn. It's barely worth the hassle, though.

I... I can't even. This fan art is INCREDIBLE!!!

As for items, it is better to give Gyarados the Leftovers to hold, so that it can heal a little of its HP every turn. A Choice Band or a Choice Scarf is not an option if you're gonna use a Dragon Dance Gyarados, so the Life Orb may be an alternative. Regular Gyarados are better if they have some bulk to them, though, so you'll want Intimidate for an ability, which lowers the opponent's attack stat by one stage when switching into Gyarados. Its hidden ability is Moxie, which increases its attack by one stage every time it knocks out a Pokémon, but that would be much better on Mega Gyarados (who, sadly, always has Mold Breaker). Lastly, a Jolly or Adamant nature is preferred. You can go for an all-defensive Gyarados with status moves like Thunder Wave, Rest, Sleep Talk and Roar, with a Careful nature to boot, but that would be a waste of its power. Just use the Substitute/Dragon Dance combo with Waterfall and Earthquake and you'll be set.

Gyarados is a monster, and it has one of the most interesting flavors I have come across. The Chinese legend of carp becoming dragons when leaping over the Dragon Gate has brought forth one of the most obvious and well-executed transformations thus far. The only thing that still confuses me is Gyarados's flying type. It may be a reference to koinobori, a carp-shaped windsock traditionally flown to celebrate Children's Day in Japan, on which children's personalities and happiness are celebrated. It would have been better had Game Freak decided to make it water/dragon, but in Gen. I that would have been way too overpowered, as dragon was only weak to ice and itself. But there was only Dragon Rage in Gen. I, dealing a fixed damage of 40 HP, and Gyarados's water typing neutralizes ice-type moves. The result? Gyarados would've had no weaknesses whatsoever. Talk about overpowered...

Rating: 4.5/5

#128: Tauros

Eh. Is it bad that I forgot that this Pokémon existed at all?

Tauros is one of those Pokémon that are easily forgotten, and I think it just crept into the limbo area of my memory; you know, that area in which you put all of those things you forget or want to forget, never for them to return. Okay, let me get this straight: it's not that I had completely forgotten that Tauros is a thing - in fact, I've known it was there all along - but it's such a generic and uneventful Pokémon.

Official Sugimori art of Tauros.

Honestly, you can't be that surprised about that. In the 35th episode of the first season of the anime, "The Legend of Dratini" (Dratini's Japanese name is Miniryū (ミニリュウ), but most non-Japanese people obviously use its English name), Ash catches a horde of exactly thirty Tauros in the Safari Zone. But even though the American voice-over actors actually recorded the episode, the network deemed the episode too violent and offensive due to the frequent use of firearms. Of course, that left a major plot hole that confused many viewers and left them wondering as to when, where, how and why Ash caught these Tauros in the first place. It doesn't really help that Tauros's design is somewhat bland and that its Pokédex entries seem to be copied from those of other Pokémon. Tauros is a violent and rowdy Pokémon that easily gets angry, and it is not the first. On the contrary, it isn't even satisfied unless it is rampaging. Once Tauros starts charging, it is unable to stop until it hits something (Rhyhorn, anyone?). It locks horns with others of its kind to prove its strength, and the herd's protector will take pride in the battle scars, but this would not be the first case of rivalry among a certain species. Tauros also looks like a regular bull, but with three tails instead of just one. Okay, it uses those to whip itself in order to incite itself, but that is hardly something worth mentioning.

Now, this is an interesting take on Tauros. Pretty funny fan art.

So, what really defines Tauros is its competitive use, then? Well no, not really. Why, it cannot be denied that Tauros can be a good Pokémon, because its attack and speed are excellent and its defensive stats are pretty decent. Game Freak provided Tauros with three possible abilities, and all have their uses: Intimidate lowers the opponent's attack stat when Tauros is switched in, Anger Point maximizes Tauros's attack stat when it is hit by a critical hit (somewhat situational and kinda risky, but if you manage to pull it off, you're set), and its hidden ability Sheer Force removes additional effects of moves and strengthens those. If you want to go all-offensive, the latter might be the best option, especially if you consider Rock Climb. Tauros can only learn this STAB normal-type move in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, but it's just a matter of transferring it to your current 3DS game (X, Y, ORAS) via Pokémon Black or White. Watch out, because Rock Climb only has 85% accuracy. Complete the set with the moves Zen Headbutt, Earthquake and Rock Slide, a Jolly nature and a held item (Life Orb, Choice Scarf, Choice Band, whatever), and you're ready to go. Tauros can learn Iron Head, Iron Tail, Wild Charge, Stone Edge and Outrage as well, but you probably won't need 'em.

Fan art of a surfing Tauros. And yes, for some reason, Tauros can learn Surf
in-game. I didn't even know bulls could swim? 

By the way, I'll have you know that I'm using Smogon as a backup for writing my recommendations, and I notice that it's common to use a Naive Tauros with either Flamethrower or Fire Blast. This is pretty silly though, because Tauros's special attack is absolutely atrocious and should not be used whatsoever, and if you ever need a fire-type move, there are a lot of special-based fire-type Pokémon that can pull it off a lot better than Tauros can.

Also, it might be an interesting thing for y'all to know that Tauros's name comes from Kentauros (ケンタロス), its Japanese name, which itself derives from the Greek κένταυρος, meaning 'centaur'. Centaurs are creatures with the upper body of a human and the lower body of a horse, which Tauros definitely isn't. It is based on ταυρος and taurus instead, Greek and Latin for 'bull', respectively. Additionally, Taurus and Centaurus are both large-sky constellations representing a bull and a centaur, respectively. Too bad Game Freak never did anything with its name origin... But, well, although I think Tauros is kind of an boring and unimaginative Pokémon, I don't hate the thing at all.

Rating: 3/5

#127: Pinsir

'Yo Masuda-san, I got a great idea.'

'I'm listening.'

'Let's make a bug-type Pokémon based on a stag beetle, the Prosopocoilus inclinatus, a popular beetle used in insect fighting.'

'Yeah?'

'Let's give it a variety of fighting-type moves also, but let's not make it a fighting type whatsoever. It's called Pinsir, a corruption of "pincer".'

'Sounds good, man.'

Pinsir and its nutty Trainer, who obviously wants to be a Pinsir
look-alike, with a pair of scissors to boot. 

This is approximately how the proposal interview for Pinsir's design at Game Freak must have gone. Okay, I might have exaggerated a bit, but my assumptions shouldn't be too far off the mark: in the first generation, Pinsir didn't learn anything but normal- and fighting type moves, and in the following two generations it was only capable of learning the weak Fury Cutter. Even today, its only viable move is X-Scissor; it can't even learn Megahorn, even though it has two big-ass horns on its head. Its monotonous learnset has only 'worsened' over time, as Pinsir started out with Seismic Toss and Submission and now has access to a complete arsenal of fighting-type moves such as Revenge, Vital Throw, Storm Throw, Brick Break, Superpower, Close Combat, Focus Punch and, for good measure, the special-based Focus Blast (which should unquestionably be avoided due to its subpar special attack). Game Freak even had the oppotunity to make Pinsir a bug/fighting type when they gave it a Mega evolution in X and Y, but instead went with the third most common dual typing in the whole goddamn game, bested only by normal/flying (23) and tying with grass/poison (14): bug/flying. Mega Pinsir isn't bad, but this 'new' typing made it gain two extra weaknesses, while intensifying its weakness to rock. However, its ability Aerilate makes up for its complete lack of flying-type moves, as it turns all normal-type moves into flying-type moves, effectively making moves like Return and Quick Attack actually super effective on a lot of Pokémon. Not too shabby.

Mega Pinsir.

At least this makes Mega Pinsir extremely useful in the competitive scene. It has amazing attack and defense, great speed, and even some moderate HP and special defense. These stats give it some durability during a battle, barring any switch-ins to Stealth Rock. Mega Pinsir's utility in the OU tier is pretty straightforward: a Jolly or Adamant nature with Close Combat, Return, Quick Attack and Swords Dance is the most common set, even though X-Scissor might not be a bad idea either. It even learns some neat coverage moves like Earthquake, Rock Slide, Stone Edge and Knock Off, if you want to slap any of these moves on it. And regular Pinsir, residing in the NU tier, isn't half bad. It comes equipped with three great abilities: Mold Breaker negates the effect of other abilities (e.g. Pinsir can hit Levitate Pokémon with ground-type moves, whereas they would otherwise be immune to them), Hyper Cutter prevents its attack from being lowered (handy!), and Moxie increases Pinsir's attack by one stage every time it blows an opponent out of the water. All three abilities have their uses and are completely fine for Pinsir, but it depends on the situation which one you'll need. The same goes for items: Life Orb increases Pinsir's moves but causes recoil damage, Choice Band raises its attack by 50% but locks it into using just one move until being switched out, Choice Scarf does the same for speed rather than attack, and Lum Berry lets it heal any status condition. And, not unimportant, avoid Return and Quick Attack on regular Pinsir; it doesn't benefit from these moves like Mega Pinsir does.

But... but... what's this now? It's very unusual I'm starting my entry with a Pokémon's competitive use. Normally I start by discussing a Pokémon's flavor, but I guess I'll have to do it right now. Oh, well...

This artist sure knows how to make Pinsir even more scary
than it already is. 

Pinsir has always been a bit of a strange Pokémon. For one thing, it is based on a popular stag beetle used in insect fighting, which embraces a wide range of competitive Asia-based spectator sports commonly associated with gambling, in which insects are pitted against each other. That is probably the reason for Pinsir's savagery: it uses the pincers on its head to crush, swing, toss, tear and bludgeon opponents, even if they are twice its weight. If it fails to crush its victim between its pincers, which hardly happens because the thorns on its horns are driven deeply into the foe's body until it is torn, it will swing it around and toss it hard. Its horns are even used to dig burrows for it to sleep in, shatter thick logs, and bludgeon foes. All of these characteristics make it even more evident that Pinsir should have gotten fighting as its secondary type in the first place. Game Freak compensated its lack of a secondary typing by adding Heracross in Gen. II, a bug/fighting type that can actually use quite some moves of its own typings, more than Pinsir can. It is superior to Pinsir in every way, but at least Pinsir is one of the original big bug things. Plus, it has to be said that Pinsir has greatly improved over the course of the last fifteen years, with a Mega evolution to boot (although this argument might be considered invalid, as even Heracross was so lucky to have gotten a Mega).

All in all, Pinsir is a great Pokémon, and I especially love its Mega, despite its unlucky typing and the fact that it disappointed me a little bit at first sight. I can't say I can give it a perfect rating, because Pinsir (and even its Mega) isn't perfect by any means, but a 4.5-star rating is absolutely nothing to sneeze at.

Rating: 4.5/5

#240, #126, #467: Magby, Magmar & Magmortar

Old art of Maby (left) versus Magby's current art (right). As you
can see, Magby does not have visible nostrils. 

Magby may look like an cute little critter, but you should be cautious around this thing, as its body temperature is an incredibly high 1,100°F because of a magma-like substance flowing through its body, and it can spit flames of around the same temperature. Even when it inhales and exhales, hot embers drip from its mouth and nostrils (which nostrils, though?). However, when it is fatigued, the temperature of the flames decreases and black smoke is mixed in with the flames. It is said to herald a volcanic eruption when large numbers of this Pokémon gather. Yes, I know Magby is a baby Pokémon, but it is one of four babies I'm actually not bothered with for a change, the other ones being Pichu, Tyrogue and Elekid (and I explained why in Electabuzz and Electivire's entry). Magby is just an adorable little fuck, and sometimes I'm just a sucker for cute Pokémon. In the entry that I previously mentioned, I also said that Electabuzz always appealed to me more than Magmar, Magby's evolution, but that is not the case anymore. I do think Magmar got a shitty evolution in Gen. IV, though, but I'll get to that later on.

Mamar's original official art on a TCG card. 

If anything, Magmar is hotter than Electabuzz. And I mean that quite literally: Magmar's body temperature is nearly 2,200°F, which is double Magby's temperature. Ash's Pokédex in the anime compares its body with a furnace, describing it as a living inferno. In fact, its Pokédex entry in Pokémon Silver states that the surface of its body gives off a wavering and rippling glare that is similar to the sun, and its breath can create heat waves that ignite surrounding grass and trees. But it is impossible to get close to the sun, so how are you supposed to get in the vicinity of a Magmar? I know that Pokémon are shown to control whatever special abilities they have, but this characteristic is being presented as if it's something Magmar cannot control. Anyway, you want more proof of Magmar's superiority? Well, Magmar is shown to block electric-type attacks with a wall of hot air in the anime, whereas Electabuzz cannot do such a thing with fire-type attacks. And, as if it wasn't already really obvious, Magmar lives in active volcanoes and whenever it gets injured, it can just dip its body in lava and heal its wounds that way. Like, instantly. It does dislike cold environments, though, as it gets dopey and sluggish (similar to a cold-blooded animal), which it solves by spewing flames to make the environment more suitable to its needs.

Fan art of Magmar getting ready to Fire Punch someone in the face.

Unfortunately, Magmar got an evolution in Diamond and Pearl. To keep up with the trend, Magmortar (it is a cool name, though) can reach even higher body temperatures and it even launches fireballs of over 3,600°F from its cannon-like arms. Its breath always sears and sizzles, and when blasting those goddamn fireballs away, its body takes on a whitish glow from the intense heat. All that sounds really awesome, but Magmortar's design is just too weird for me to actually like it. Its pink mouth, legs and back spikes look so out of sync with the red-and-yellow body it has, as well as Magby and Magmar's colors. Besides, its big main body is so disproportionate to the small size of its head and legs that it's just not funny. AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ITS MOUTH? With that grin from ear to ear (literally, even though Magmortar does not have visible ears), it looks like the Joker from Batman, but not in a good way. I am constantly trying to like this thing, but every time I see it I'm like, 'Meh, this such a stupid evolution.'

Fan art of shiny Magby and Magmar.

And as I'm searching for info about its origin, I'm shaking my head over and over again. It just doesn't make sense to me. Magby and Magmar seem to be a combination between a duck and an iguana, especially given the fact that they have some features that can be traced back to iguanas, but they are most likely based on the Japanese Hindu-Buddhist myth of the karura, a divine creature with a human torso and a bird-like head that can breathe fire. Sounds familiar, right? Well, it's similar to how Electabuzz is most likely based on the oni, which is often depicted as an ugly horned ogre but is believed to be a divine creature that has control over thunder and lightning. With those cannons and large body size, Magmortar looks nothing like a karura anymore; it still has some iguana-like features for sure, but the bird-like traits have completely gone and I just think of it as a fire-blasting lizard. There is one thing I actually like about it, and that is its shiny form, even though Magmar has the exact same shiny coloration as Magmortar does. Instead of red and yellow, they are a dark and light pink color, which is actually kind of awesome (Magby's shiny coloration, on the other hand, is an unimpressive sickly orange).

Fan art of Magmortar about to wreck house. 

But both Magmar and Magmortar are viable competitively, at least that cannot be denied. Magmar benefits from the Eviolite, as it buffs up its defenses, so this item is recommended for sure. As regards its stats, Magmar possesses some really good attack and special attack, very decent speed, and some medicore defenses (hence I recommend the Eviolite). Its special attack is a little bit higher than its attack, but only by a small margin, so both are perfectly usable. If you want to focus on the special-based side of the attacking spectrum, I'd use a Timid Magmar with Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Psychic and Focus Blast, but it can even learn some nifty status moves like Confuse Ray, Will-O-Wisp, Substitute and Clear Smog (eliminates the opposing Pokémon's stat changes). As for physical attacks, it can learn moves like Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Brick Break, Power-Up Punch, Cross Chop, Flare Blitz, Iron Tail, Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Mach Punch and Dual Chop. It gets an egg move that comes in handy when running a physical, Jolly-natured Magmar: Belly Drum, which halves its HP but maximizes its attack. It's risky, but if you can pull it off, you'll have a Magmar that hits like a truck. And if you want to mix things up move-wise, you can always slap a Hasty nature on Magmar; it'll let it have some more diversity at that as well.

Magmortar (right) and its electric-type counterpart Electivire (left).

Magmortar works completely differently, though: it loses some speed but gains a whole ton of special attack. Sadly, at base 95 its base physical attack remains the same as Magmar's, which renders it less useful than you'd think (although you can still use the Belly Drum trick to surprise opponents, but now with Earthquake and Rock Slide). In order to immediately let Magmortar hit the foe as hard as possible, it is recommended to max out its special attack with a beneficial nature, preferably Modest or Rash, and give it a Life Orb. It also has access to Thunderbolt, a powerful special-based electric-type move that Magmar doesn't get, so definitely use that. Want to create some bulk? Magmortar has some decent special defense and HP, so you could let it wear an Assault Vest while still doing massive damage due to its already-high special attack. Lastly, Magmar and Magmortar share the same ability with the Elekid line: Vital Spirit, which prevents them from falling asleep. Handy. Flame Body, which has a chance to burn the foe when they make direct contact with Magmortar, should usually be left alone, as it's inferior to Vital Spirit.

In the end, Magmar is a great Pokémon, design-wise and competitively, while its evolution Magmortar is not. Well, at least not design-wise. In fact, I like Magmar more than Electabuzz, but the latter got an awesome evolution in Gen. IV, whereas Magmar definitely did not. So, much like I did with Magneton and Magnezone, I am going to rate Magmar and Magmortar separately. I apologize to Magmortar fans, but I think Game Freak should have left Magmar alone, or at least given its evolution a better design.

Rating Magmar: 4.5/5

Rating Magmortar: 2.5/5

#239, #125, #466: Elekid, Electabuzz & Electivire

Oh hey, look at that: another baby Pokémon!

Actually, there are four baby Pokémon I am not particularly bothered with: Pichu because it is able to obtain Volt Tackle as an egg move, Tyrogue due to its three possible evolutions, Elekid because it's cool, and then Magby because it's so friggin' adorable. You'll find Magby again in my next entry, so let's focus on Elekid right now.

Fan art of an Elekid leaving its Trainer in shock. Then again, that
is probably the kid's intention. 

Elekid is a cool little dude who likes to play out in the most vicious thunderstorms, which is one source of charging electricity for it, the other one being rotating its arms. The thing is that Elekid actually tires easily, so its best defense mechanism is a weak current flowing between its prong-like horns that shocks unwary people who try to pet it. That's as interesting as it gets, unfortunately, but at least it is able to evolve into a great Pokémon: Electabuzz. And unlike its pre-evolved form, Electabuzz is not so sweet. It is an agressive Pokémon prone to heated competition, and Electabuzz will compete with one another in order to determine which one is capable of attaining the highest ground during torrential thunderstorms, so to get struck by a lightning bolt. The Electabuzz won't even get harmed; they will simply absorb the electricity, which is why they are often used as an alternative to lightning rods in urban areas. It won't come as a surprise that Electabuzz can store insane amounts of electricity in its body, which it constantly discharges, so coming too close to it will make your hair stand on end. Indeed, it even feeds on electricity generated by power plants, which can cause major blackouts in cities.

Pikachu crying over his broken ketchup bottle in "Showdown at Dark City"; season
1, episode 42. In said episode, two rivaling unofficial Pokémon Gyms, Yas and Kaz,
seek official status, but the situation gets out of hand. Ketchup, of all things, makes
an end to Scyther and Electabuzz's destructive tantrums, causing the two Pokémon
to start fighting each other.

By the way, I forgot to mention this in Scyther's entry, but as demonstrated in episode 42 of the first season of the anime series ("Showdown at Dark City"), both Scyther and Electabuzz are enraged by the color red. In this episode, they become violent when they get ketchup in their eyes and start razing entire Dark City to the ground. This characteristic is nowhere to be found in their respective Pokédex entries, however, and I personally think it was just made up as an excuse for including the infamous recurring gag of a ketchup-worshiping Pikachu.

Above: old official art of Electabuzz.
Below: Electabuzz's current art.
Both are drawn by Ken Sugimori. 

Anyway, Electabuzz is not the final stage of the evolution line: it got an evolution in the fourth generation. By giving Electabuzz an Electirizer and trade it to another game, Electivire can be obtained. And Electivire is a ferocious fighter: it pushes the tips of its two tails onto the foe, then lets loose with over 20,000 volts of electricity. Blue sparks begin to crackle between its horns as its electric charge amplifies. Sadly, that's about it when it comes to Electivire's Pokédex entries, but there is always the question, "What the hell was the inspiration for Elekid and its evolutions?" Well, Game Freak decided to go with the theme of electrical devices, although this is only the case with Elekid and Electivire; Electabuzz already existed, of course, and this thing is most probably based on the Japanese myth of the oni, some kind of horned ogre with tusks that wears tiger-skin loinclothes and is sometimes depicted as a god of lightning and thunder. Game Freak kept the tigerprint on Elekid and Electivire, but they look nothing like ogres: Elekid is kind of humanoid rather than reptilian and is based on an American and Japanese plug, while Electivire has traits of an ape and wears a mark on its back that resembles a power socket. Additionally, the horns on its head might be based off of Tesla coils. These are invented, as the name so eloquently suggests, by the Serbian American physicist and electrical engineer Nikola Tesla, and they are used to produce high voltages at low currents. Tesla used them for his experiments in electrical lighting, phosphorescence, X-ray generation, wireless energy transmission and electrotherapy, among other things, but their modern-day use is for entertainment and educational displays.

Wow, I'm being quite the teacher here. Heh.

Electivire in the anime.

Let's move on to the competitive use for Electabuzz and Electivire, shall we? Interestingly, Electabuzz prefers to fight using special-based moves, while Electivire is more of a physical attacker. Contrary to Electivire, there is only one way to go with Electabuzz: special. Its attack stat is actually not that bad, at least not for in-game purposes, but it is mediocre and it should not be used in the competitive scene. Its defenses aren't all that, especially not its defense stat, but as Electabuzz is still able to evolve, you can just slap the Eviolite on it to create a little bulk. A moveset consisting of Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Focus Blast and Hidden Power (the type varies on IVs, so you figure out yourself which type of Hidden Power you want) is recommended, although you can ditch Hidden Power for Psychic, Flamethrower or Signal Beam for a little type coverage. Electivire has the same amount of special attack as Electabuzz, but it got a lot of physical attack upon evolution for some reason, making it a fast physical attacker (although slightly slower than Electabuzz). Its access to Earthquake helps it a lot and therefore this move should be a must-have for it, as are Wild Charge and Ice Punch or Fire Punch. Also, I wonder why Electivire isn't a fighting type, because it has access to some amazing fighting-type moves, which I will list here for you to pick some from them should you so desire to use a few: Brick Break, Cross Chop (slightly inaccurate), Dynamic Punch (very inaccurate, should be avoided), Focus Punch (works best in conjunction with Substitute), Hammer Arm (awesome!), Low Kick, Power-Up Punch (rather weak, but increases Electivire's attack by one stage every time it is used), some weaker moves that aren't worth mentioning, and even Focus Blast on the special side of the attacking spectrum. Iron Tail, though inaccurate, is a viable option, as is Rock Slide. An egg move that may come in handy is the psychic-type move Meditate, which increases Electivire's attack stat by one stage, although you can just use Power-Up Punch for that while you still do a bit of damage.

Eerie fan art of Electivire.

Of course, natures, abilities and items are as important as moves, as they have a beneficial effect and can turn the odds in your favor. Electabuzz comes equipped with either the Static or Vital Spirit ability. Static has a chance of paralyzing the opponent when they make direct contact with Electabuzz, although you can just paralyze the foe with Thunder Wave if you wanna go that way; Vital Spirit is very much preferred over Static, as it prevents Electabuzz from falling asleep. That might come in handy against Pokémon that rely on sleep-inflicting moves like Spore, Sing, Hypnosis and Sleep Powder. Running a Timid nature is recommended to get the most out of Electabuzz's excellent speed stat, although a Modest nature works well with a Choice Scarf (but you won't get the defensive boost from the Eviolite!). Electivire also has Vital Spirit, but it might have Motor Drive when you evolve it from a Static Electabuzz. That ability gives it an immunity to electric-type attacks and boosts its speed when it is hit by one, too. Either ability is fine for it. Lastly, Electivire benefits from a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb or Choice Band/Choice Scarf to hold.

I was always more fond of Electabuzz than of Magmar, Electabuzz's fire-type counterpart, and Gen. IV was very kind to it. Electivire is one of the better evolutions from previous-generation Pokémon, and that can't exactly be said about Magmortar. I never used Electivire, but I am definitely planning to do so if that choice presents itself.

Rating: 4.5/5