#241: Miltank

No, you didn't miss any articles here. Nos. 236 to 240 are Tyrogue, Hitmontop, Smoochum, Elekid and Magby, which I discussed in previous entries already. Next up we have everyone's favorite Pokémon owned by a Gym Leader: Miltank.

Ash's Cyndaquil sucking on one of the teats on Miltank's udder.
Nothing sugestive about that. (!)

Yup, while Whitney's Clefairy is 'fairily' easy to defeat - excuse the dumb pun - her Miltank is infamous for being the one Pokémon in Pokémon Gold and Silver that keeps bodying your entire team only three Gyms in. You're lucky Whitney had the presence of mind to take it easy on us by replacing Defense Curl with Attract, because Defense Curl would have allowed her Miltank to Rollout you straight into oblivion (which it already did without Defense Curl). That's a good enough strategy for in-game purposes, but in the competitive scene Miltank is supposed to be a bulky bitch. Its HP and defense are excellent, and even its mediocre special defense is compensated by its HP stat. Heck, you could even give it a Careful nature and max out its special defense until you'll be sure it can take special hits as well. It's a great support Pokémon with a great support movepool, including Toxic and Thunder Wave to inflict a status condition on the opponent, Heal Bell to get rid of all status conditions inflicted on your Pokémon, Milk Drink for its own recovery only, and Stealth Rock to set up an entry hazard.

This Miltank is not amused by Ash brushing its back. 

Another option is to let it set up with Curse, which raises its attack and defense by one stage each but lowers its speed, so that it can run a physical moveset consisting of Curse, Body Slam and two other physical moves of your choice (or one other physical move, if you want to keep Milk Drink for recovery). And you're spoiled for choice, because Miltank's physical movepool is wide: it can learn things like Earthquake, Zen Headbutt, the elemental punches, Iron Head, Rock Slide, Hammer Arm and more. It even learns Gyro Ball, a move that does more damage the slower the user is compared to the opponent, but its base 100 speed makes Miltank pretty speedy for a fat bipedal cow. It does work perfectly in combination with Curse, so it's definitely an option, but for more reliable steel-type damage you should go with Iron Head or Iron Tail. And if you give it the ability Sap Sipper, you'll have a grass-type resistance and a one-stage attack boost every time Miltank is hit by a grass-type move. Again, this works very well with Curse. That is not to say, however, that its other abilities are worthless: Scrappy allows Miltank to hit ghost types with its normal-type moves where otherwise they'd be unharmed by them, and Thick Fat gives it resistances to fire and ice.

A glass of milk a day keeps the doctor away. Yeah, fuck that, I
hate milk.

In contrast to the milk it produces, which is sweet and nutritious and can be used to heal Pokémon - a feature included in the games, outside of battles - and ill or weary humans, Miltank's flavor is really bland. Miltank is based on Jersey cattle (a breed originally bred in the Channel Island of Jersey, UK, and known for the high butterfat content of its milk) and Holstein Friesian cattle (a breed originating from the Dutch provinces of North Holland and Friesland and the German state of Schleswig-Holstein, known as the world's highest-production dairy animals), but whereas normal cows can produce an average of eight gallons of milk a day, Miltank can produce 'only' five gallons. While the milk can be enjoyed by children, adolescents and grown-ups alike, it is said that kids who drink Miltank milk while growing up become hearty, healthy adults. Yeah, that is often said about real-life milk too. However, I hate milk and I adamantly refused to drink it, and I'd dare say I'm pretty healthy otherwise. That's not all, though: Miltank's milk can be turned into yogurt instead for people who can't drink the milk. No shit, I'll bet you can easily make butter and cheese from Miltank milk as well; I assume that shouldn't be too hard.

Come on, Game Freak, I don't mind some real-life references, but this is Pokémon we're talking about and I expect their characteristics to be a little bit more outlandish. Sometimes I think the somewhat bland flavors of certain Pokémon are laziness on Game Freak's part, and every now and then I feel they've rushed through the Pokémon to go on to create another one. I like Miltank's design, though, and I like its versatility in competitive play, so I guess Game Freak jump the gun. Again.

Rating: 3.5/5

#235: Smeargle

Smeargle about to paint a picture with its Trainer.

Smeargle is, to say the least, a sketchy Pokémon. It has the lowest base stat total of all Pokémon that are not part of an evolutionary line - or stand-alone Pokémon, as I like to call them - and can't learn any moves through TMs, breeding or Move Tutors. The only move it learns naturally is Sketch, and it learns it up to ten times in its level-up movepool, except when Smeargle already has this move. But that is not what Sketch is about: it should be used immediately to permanently copy an opponent's move. This way, Smeargle is able to legally possess any move in existence (with the exception of Chatter and Struggle), which gives it a number of distinctions:

- It is the only Pokémon to be able to possess Outrage while having the Own Tempo ability, which prevents it from becoming confused at all. This doesn't count for Thrash and Petal Dance, as they are learned by Spinda and Lilligant, respectively. Both have access to Own Tempo.

- It is the only non-starter to legally learn Frenzy Plant, Grass Pledge, Blast Burn, Fire Pledge, Hydro Cannon or Water Pledge. Additionally, it is the only Pokémon that can have these moves in different combinations of types.

- It can pass down any egg-move combinations to any Pokémon in the Field egg group, the group Smeargle belongs to.

- Hidden Power-evaluating NPCs cannot identify the type of Smeargle's Hidden Power, even if it possesses the move. This is because Smeargle cannot learn it through TM.

- Smeargle can Sketch Hyperspace Fury, but this move will fail if it used by any Pokémon other than Hoopa Unbound.

Smeargle and its Da Vinci rip-off. 

Due to it being able to learn any move possible and despite its terrible stats, Smeargle has some serious competitive utility. Its HP and defensive stats are awful, so it is usually holding a Focus Sash in battle to prevent itself from going down in one hit, but at least its speed is halfway decent. With whatever speed-increasing nature, this gives Smeargle a chance to 'attack' sooner than its opponent, usually with status moves like Spore and Dark Void. It is also commonly used for setting up entry hazards like Stealth Rock, Spikes, Toxic Spikes or Sticky Web - or a combination of those moves - and is popularly used as a Taunt or Whirlwind user to bait or force out foes who try to set up with stat-increasing moves like Nasty Plot or Swords Dance or want to remove Smeargle's entry hazards with Defog or Rapid Spin. You can give Smeargle handy status-inflicting moves like Nuzzle (a Thunder Wave on crack), Will-O-Wisp or Toxic, make it bounce back an opponent's status moves with Magic Coat, or let it blow up with Explosion to gain momentum for the rest of your team. Heck, you can let Smeargle set up with moves like Shell Smash, Dragon Dance, Nasty Plot or Shift Gear and Baton Pass the stat boosts on to another Pokémon on your team (you really don't want Smeargle to make use of those stat boosts, because its attacking stats are abhorrent). The possibilities are endless and many people can find a way to make it work competitively, apparently. Just not me. Smeargle is far too dodgy for me to use, and as I'm not much of a competitive player I'd like to play it safe.

Smeargle standing proudly in front of its fancy new painting.

For in-game purposes, Smeargle is useless. Even its flavor isn't all that interesting. Sure, it is based on beagles and French painters (its Korean name Rubeudo
(루브도) even refers to the famous Musée du Louvre in France), but the only thing that stands out is that Smeargle has a tail that resembles a paint brush (hence the move Sketch), which is always oozing with colored fluids that Smeargle uses to mark its territory and express itself. And even though the Pokédex says that the color of the mysterious fluid secreted from its tail is predetermined for each Smeargle, it is always found with a green tail tip in the games; except, of course, when it is shiny. Of course Smeargle's tail tips differ drastically in the anime, but this is the Pokédex in the games I'm talking about, and the games can't do without a bit of inconsistency from Game Freak. Anyway, Smeargle also has the tendency to let its comrades plant footprints on its back. Way to be weird, Smeargle!

Meh, I don't know how I feel about this Pokémon overall. It's an interesting concept, but it's so blandly and poorly executed. Game Freak, could you really not have given it a bit better stat distribution? Its base stat total is now a whopping 250, which is even worse than some Pokémon that are the first stage in a three-stage evolutionary line. Even Hatedisc - uhm... I mean, Luvdisc - has a higher base stat total and that is, like, the most worthless Pokémon in existence. However, I kinda like Smeargle's design, so I guess it jumps the gun here.

GIF of a shiny Smeargle using Dark Void, usually Darkrai's signature move. 

Rating: 4/5

#234: Stantler

If you think that Stantler doesn't look like much, you're absolutely right. Many people forget this Pokémon is a thing, until they're reminded of its existence in some way. Even Smeargle, who is Stantler's successor in the Pokédex, enjoys far more fame for its gimmicky strategy, even though its base stat total is the lowest of all stand-alone Pokémon.

Well, fame... I think 'notoriety' is a better word for it, but you get my point, don't you?

Sawsbuck gets photobombed by Stantler. 

So, Stantler looks like Rudolph's ugly cousin. Although it shares some traits with reindeer indeed, it seems to be based off of several species of deer, especially when you look at its foreign names: the German name for Stantler - Damhirplex - obviously contains the word Damhirsch, which means 'fallow deer', while its Korean name Noraki (노라키) is a pun on noroo, meaning 'roe deer'. Bulbapedia even mentions that it appears to be based on sika deer as well as caribou. I won't even contradict them, because Stantler looks a little bland and it is hard to determine which species of deer was the inspiration for Stantler. The antlers make it even harder, because they don't look like any antlers seen on real-life deer, but at least Game Freak have shown a little creativity in that regard. Some deer - most notably stags - are being hunted for their antlers, and Stantler is no exception. But there is actually a reason for that: Stantler can distort reality and create illusions with its pleasant-smelling antlers by subtly changing the flow of air around itself. Staring into those illusions creates an odd sensation in humans, as if one is being sucked through them, and they can make someone dizzy enough that it is impossible for them to stand. The black spheres on fallen antlers can even be grounded into a powder that aids in curing insomnia. That's why Stantler's antlers are valuable artifacts to Pokémon poachers and the species was nearly driven to extinction.

Sawsbuck (left) vs Stantler (right). I have no doubt Sawsbuck will emerge victorious
from this fight. 

By the way, it's weird that the Japanese think Stantler is based on devices to frighten away animals that pose a threat to agriculture, also known collectively as shishi-odoshi. It's more likely that Stantler's Japanese name Odoshishi (オドシシ) - as well as its Mandarin Chinese name Jīngjiǎolù (驚角鹿), literally 'frightening-antler deer' - refers to Stantler's ability to scare intruders away by means of creating frightening illusions with its antlers, but it's still weird that these devices were the inspiration for Stantler's Japanese name. They don't work even remotely like Stantler does: while Stantler creates illusions and distorts reality, sōzu - a type of shishi-odoshi - are nothing more than bamboo rocker arms ticking on stones to break the quietness and frighten animals, most notably deer. It's as if Game Freak didn't quite grab the essence of the flavor they created for Stantler. But we're talking about Game Freak, what did you expect?

Yup, Xerneas and Sawsbuck are fabulous and still get more love
than poor Stantler does. 

What I didn't expect myself was... a good Pokémon. To be honest, Stantler is pretty goddamn decent. Its base 73 HP stat is just high enough to back up its mediocre defenses, while its base 95 attack and base 85 speed make it a moderately fast and strong physical attacker. Its physical movepool is wide enough in order for you to pick a couple of good moves, including Return, Zen Headbutt, Jump Kick, Earthquake (for some reason), Wild Charge, Megahorn and Iron Tail. The latter two moves are only obtainable through breeding and Move Tutors, respectively, so they can't be acquired in a regular playthrough. There is still a decent amount of moves to choose from, though, even special moves. And I mean, why the heck not? Its base special attack is 85, which isn't that much lower than its base 95 attack stat and isn't bad by any means. I'd still recommend Zen Headbutt over Psychic or Psyshock, but at least it also learns moves like Shadow Ball, Energy Ball and Signal Beam. It depends on the type coverage you need. It's still not all that helpful competitively, but I bet it'll be able to hold its own in a Nuzlocke or normal playthrough. Should you desire to use it in competitive play, an Intimidate mixed or physical attacker holding a Life Orb is a viable option to reduce physical attacks from opposing Pokémon and hit back relatively hard, while its hidden ability Sap Sipper is better for in-game purposes.

After all the shit I've thrown at Stantler, you'd think I dislike the thing. WRONG! Well, I didn't think much of it, but some Pokémon surprise you after having done your research. I actually quite like Stantler now. I thought it was good-for-nothing Pokédex filler, but I think I stand corrected and should revise my opinion. Competitively, it faces competition from bulkier and stronger normal types like Stoutland and Ursaring, respectively, but I'm actually thinking about using one in a future playthrough now.

How writing one single article can change one's mind, right?

Rating: 4/5

#231 - #232: Phanpy & Donphan

Some pretty accurate fan art of Phanpy in its nest nearby the
river. 

Okay, y'all know I have a fondness for cute Pokémon. And let's be honest here, Phanpy is totally cute, but at the same I think its design is just really bland. The only features that makes it look slightly interesting are the red pads on its ears and trunk, but even then Phanpy isn't an overly fascinating Pokémon. Its Pokédex entries mention characteristics that can be pretty much found in real-life elephants, including using its ears as a fan when it's hot or using its trunk to take a shower. It even makes its nests digging a vertical pit in the soil at the edge of a river. It's actually pretty weird Phanpy prefers to be in the vicinity of water, because it's a ground-type Pokémon and ground types are usually weak to water - except when they have a secondary typing or ability that balances out or nullifies that weakness, that is. That is not the case here, however: Phanpy and Donphan are both pure ground types. But whereas Phanpy's playful nature can be potentially painful to humans because it doesn't know its own strength and can send someone flying if it bumps that person too hard with its snout, Donphan can curl up into a ball and violently roll around like a wheel (it does look like a tire when it's rolled up), starting a rampage that will be almost unstoppable. Aside from the rolling thing, I'm pretty sure I've seen these rampage shenanigans fly by on this blog at least three fucking times, so to me it's as if Game Freak couldn't come up with something better.

Now, this is less accurate. Phanpy takes showers using its trunk, but it doesn't create
entire waterfalls. :')

The anime, however, shows that this ability is further used as a form of courtship display, as male Donphan will have rolling competitions to demonstrate their toughness to females. That's pretty much it, I'm afraid. Donphan move in herds and the leader is the one with - you guessed it - the largest tusks. The leader is always the one with the largest something; I haven't seen any exception to the rule yet. At least it learns ground-type moves by level-up, unlike Phanpy. Come to think about it, that is a little bit odd; Phanpy learns Earthquake and Bulldoze, two moves Donphan learns naturally, through TMs (and even Fissure through means of breeding), so why not include them in its level-up movepool? It makes no sense.

This Donphan is 'bout to fuck up its opponent.

Phanpy is not where it's at competitively, though. It's Donphan who takes the spotlight with its excellent stats: its base attack and defense are both a fantastic 120 (it is said that its tackles are strong enough to bring down houses and that its armor-like hide is so thick that a normal attack won't leave a scratch on it), while it its able to back its defense up with its very solid base 90 HP stat, although for some weird reason Phanpy has the exact same base HP as Donphan does. Unfortunately, Donphan is very slow and cannot take special hits very well. That's why I have a tactic that I hope will work, as I'm not that much of a competitive player: Assault Vest Donphan. Run a Donphan with a Careful nature, so that it has slightly higher special defense, and let it hold an Assault Vest, which boosts its special defense by 50% but limits it to using only damaging moves. That is fine, because you can choose from a plethora of physical moves to use on Donphan: Earthquake, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Play Rough, Gunk Shot, Poison Jab, Seed Bomb, Knock Off, Iron Tail, Ice Shard, Fire Fang and Thunder Fang. It even has access to Rapid Spin to get rid of entry hazards, which - unlike Defog - does a little damage and is thus very viable for an Assault Vest set. Furthermore, invest 252 EVs in HP, 252 EVs in attack and 4 in special defense, and you'll have an overall bulky offensive Donphan. Why not try it? It can't hurt, right?

(Disclaimer: Yo guys, I swear to Arceus that I came up with this set for Donphan before I checked Smogon. It is more common for competitive Donphan to know Stealth Rock and carry an item like the Leftovers or a Choice Band, but an Assault Vest set is indeed mentioned on Smogon's website, albeit the recommended ability and EV spread are different. Guess I'm not that bad at composing competitive sets, now am I?)

You'd better flee, 'cause you don't want to get run over by a horde of stampeding
Donphan. 

Personally, I never really cared for Donphan. Admittedly, it is a very good Pokémon to use on any occasion, whether it is in the PSS's Battle Spot or just a regular playthrough. Sometimes I almost think it could easily be forgotten, until I realize it's actually a commonly used Pokémon because it sports some good competitive utility. However, I don't see myself using this thing anytime soon, and I guess I should leave it at that. I don't hate it in the slightest, but I don't think it's in the top percentage of Pokémon either.

Rating: 3.5/5

#228 - #229: Houndour & Houndoom

(Disclaimer: The following paragraph contains some content from Pikachu's Global Adventure: The Rise and Fall of Pokémon by editor Joseph Tobin. It is an informative book containing a collection of essays by various authors analyzing the popularity of Pokémon by addressing core debates about the globalization of popular culture and children's consumption of mass-produced culture.)

TCG art of Houndour.

There has been public outcry from religious parents against Pokémon since it started to be a thing in 1998; in Japan the craze started two years previous, but the franchise has remained relatively free of criticism in its home country, despite the infamous spree of epileptic seizures that the anime episode "Electric Soldier Porygon" induced in young viewers in 1997. In spite of official approval from the Anglican Church and the Vatican in 2000, religious parents and other church officials continue to believe the subliminal messages found in the cartoon series, movies, games and cards are 'tantamount to training children in the occult'. Those so-called malevolent messages include evolution, occultism, violence as a source of power, sexual perversion, and New Age concepts such as reincarnation (wait, I am genuinely confused right now; 'original' Christians don't believe in reincarnation?) and psychic powers. Critics cite Satanic elements in Pokémon, such as 'inflicting pain through slashing, psychic powers, fits of rage and draining the life force out of on opponent', and according to them, Pokémon is nothing short of 'an epic struggle with Satan for the souls of children and adults'. Some parents go as far as making their children burn their cards and destroy their video games.

OMG, this papercraft Houndoom is amazing!

While I personally believe these cries of disapproval and condemnation are nothing but a pile of horseshit, Game Freak did create two Pokémon based on creatures from the underworld: Houndour and Houndoom, who are obviously based on hellhounds. They also share some traits with regular dog breeds like Rottweilers and Doberman Pinschers, and the striped patterns on their backs even make them bear resemblance to the thylacine. While this creature sounds like it's some kind of base liquid, it was actually a marsupial more commonly known as the Tasmanian wolf or Tasmanian tiger (even though it wasn't feline) - not to be confused with the Tasmanian devil - and is believed to have gone extinct in 1936. There are several tales of different kinds of hellhounds in various kinds of folklores, but it's enough to know that Houndour and Houndoom are based on hellhounds in general. And let's be honest here: some of their aesthetics are noticeably satanic, among which the skull-like crest on Houndour's head, Houndoom's curved horns and Houndoom's arrow-shaped tail. The latter is commonly associated with the devil, who is often depicted with a tail ending in a triangular tip. Even Houndour and Houndoom's Japanese names, Delvil (デルビル) and Hellgar (ヘルガー), are obvious references to Hell and the Devil, while Houndoom's French and German names, Démolosse and Hundemon, contain the words démon and Dämon, respectively. I probably don't have to tell you what the English translation of those words is, right?

This more realistic approach of Houndour and Houndoom is fantastic. There are
some really talented artists on the Internet. 

Unfortunately, Houndour's Pokédex entries are excruciatingly lame. They're nothing more than it showing common pack behavior and teamwork with others of its species. Houndoom's also mention pack behavior, but quite differently: the one Houndoom with its horn raked sharply towards its back serves a leadership role in the pack, and the leader is usually chosen by fighting among themselves. Houndoom's guts contain toxins that it uses to create fire, which is why Houndoom's fire has a foul odor and the wounds and pain inflicted by it will never heal or go away. Other Pokémon shudder in fear and flee when they hear its eerie howls, and people from the past imagined its howls to be the call of the Grim Reaper. Now, that's more like a hellhound!

Mega Houndoom.

Houndoom also proves to be quite the hellhound in the competitive scene: it's supposed to be a speedy special attacker with a Timid nature, a Life Orb attached to it, and a moveset consisting of Nasty Plot and three attacking moves. As Houndoom's movepool is kind of lacking, you're stuck with Dark Pulse and Fire Blast, and probably Sludge Bomb or some type of Hidden Power. Mega Houndoom, however, has a whole different tactic: the Sunny Day/Solar Beam combo. While regular Houndoom doesn't have access to the ability Solar Power - the best ability for it is Flash Fire, which lets it absorb fire-type moves and raises its special attack in the process - Mega Houndoom does, and it uses it with flair. This ability increases Mega Houndoom's special attack when the sun is up at the cost of some HP each turn, and when Sunny Day is in effect, fire-type moves get a 50% boost and Solar Beam doesn't require a turn to charge. It's like a Life Orb, only in the form of an ability. It has proved to be quite effective, although you could just slap Nasty Plot on it and replace Solar Beam with something like Taunt or Will-O-Wisp if you want Houndoom to last longer. By the way, have you noticed how Mega Houndoom's tail now almost looks like the devil's trident? Nice touch. Also, its body is now covered with a bone-like armor and the claws on its paws are red because of its ability to generate more heat.

Houndoom in what looks like the middle of a wildfire.

I have nothing but love for this thing, especially since Game Freak decided to give it an awesome Mega. Those who regularly visit my blog have probably deduced by now that I am an atheist, by the use of variations of the word 'goddammit'. I don't have much with religion in general, and that has much to do with religious people in my environment condemning my lifestyle and saying I should turn my life around (I'm gay), but mostly I just think most of them are hateful, hypocritical and biased and don't want me to play Pokémon. So Pokémon based on creatures from the underworld is my definition of irony, although I think Game Freak didn't create Houndour and Houndoom to intentionally offend Christians - or religious people in general. Of course, the main reason why I love Houndoom and its Mega is because they look awesome, but I figured this would be an excellent moment to voice my opinion about religion. I know I don't seem nice right now, but I have had too many negative experiences with Christians in my own country (lucky for me I live in the Netherlands, one of the most gay-friendly countries in the world). However, believe me when I say I'm very much like Houndour: I bark, but I don't bite.

Rating: 5/5

#227: Skarmory

Skarmory being savage in its natural habitat.

So next up we have a steel bird. How do you come up with a steel bird exactly? Well, you take a look at a few myths from different cultures and combine them. The Stymphalian birds are a group of birds in Greek mythology and have bronze beaks, sharp metallic feathers they can launch at their victims and poisonous dung. They were the pets of the goddess of the hunt, Artemis, and were ultimately defeated by Heracles. The Russians speak of Gagana, a miraculous bird with an iron beak and copper claws and is often believed to guard other mythical creatures. Finally, there's the alicanto - or allicanto - which is a bird of Chilian mythology that is said to let its wings shine with bright, metallic colors during the night. The alicanto lives in caves in hilly areas containing minerals and feeds on gold and silver. It is said to bring luck to any miner who sees it; if the lucky miner follows an alicanto without being caught, he can find silver or gold, but the bird will guide the greedy miner off a cliff if it notices him following it. Aesthetically, though, Skarmory shares some traits with pteranodons (a genus of pterosaurs), paper cranes and hand fans. And let's be honest here: instead of being born as a whole, Skarmory looks like it came straight out of a building kit.

Skarmory being savage in TCG art.

But how did Skarmory get that armored hide? Well, it lives and is raised in very harsh environments, often building its nests in thorny bushes called briers, where continual scratching of their skins will eventually harden the chicks into an iron-like state. Skarmory engages in battles repeatedly, and because of that its blade-like wings become tattered and bashed in and eventually grow back after a year. They may look heavy, but they are actually hollow and light, can be moved independently and allow Skarmory to fly at speeds up to 190 miles per hour, according to Ruby and Omega Ruby (D/P/P and B/W/B2/W2 mention it goes 180 mph, but that's just a minor detail). Because its wings are so sharp, people in the past used feathers that had been fallen off to make knives and swords.

A more realistic approach of Skarmory. It looks savage.

Of course, because Skarmory is clad entirely in steel-hard armor, it is insanely defensive in competitive play. Basically it's Mantine's counterpart: whereas Mantine excels in special stats, Skarmory shines when it comes to its physical stats. First off, it's base 140 defense makes it a physically bulky bitch, while its base 80 attack is its second best stat and is decent enough in order for Skarmory to fight back. However, more investment is usually put into its HP and one of its defensive stats - its physical defense is high enough to pay attention to its special defense instead - and a support set is the most common set you'll find on a Skarmory. Whirlwind removes any Pokémon that try to set up and sweep from the battlefield, while Taunt prevents setting up at all and limits the opposing Pokémon to using only damaging moves. Skarmory has access to Defog, a move that removes all entry hazards on your as well as the opponent's side of the field, while Spikes puts an entry hazard of up to three layers on the opposite side of the field, thereby damaging Pokémon that come in - barring any flying types, that is, so for those you could use Stealth Rock instead. Roost is used for healing, but as this moves makes Skarmory lose its flying type, its steel typing leaves it vulnerable to ground-type attacks. Leftovers is used as a held item for some additional passive recovery, although a Rocky Helmet could be used against Pokémon that hit Skarmory with direct attacks and Shed Shell is an alternative against Pokémon with the Magnet Pull ability. Speaking about abilities, Sturdy prevents Skarmory from being OHKOed when at full HP, which is handy when you don't see a Fire Blast coming your way. It is inarguably the best ability for it.

And if you really want to go weird, a Choice Banded Skarmory with Iron Head, Brave Bird, X-Scissor and Rock Slide might do the job. In any case, one of the two STAB moves (Iron Head and Brave Bird) should also be on a support moveset so that Skarmory can fight back, so you're gonna have to choose which support moves you want on it.

Skarmory being a transporter for Steven Stone, which is... not all that savage,
actually. But it's still very cool.

I'm not quite done with this thing yet. In all hurry to explain Skarmory's origin and competitive use, I completely forgot to mention how much I adore this thing. I already thought it was cool, but it was never one of my favorite Pokémon. It also didn't make my top 50 of favorite Pokémon (seriously, don't read that blog; it's bad, worse, worst), but I warmed up to it in a Pokémon X Wonderlocke. It was one of the first Pokémon I received over Wonder Trade - I'm 100% sure it was before the first Gym, as I remember it completely walled Vivillon - and it stayed with me until the very end, contrary to other Pokémon I use in Nuzlockes or a variant thereof. Yes, I'm bad at Nuzlockes; my Pokémon die very often, especially when I'm trying to grind, but Skarmory stayed a part of my team until I beat Diantha, due to its bulk and excellent typing. I love this thing and it has easily become one of my favorite Pokémon to date.

Rating: 5/5

#458, #226: Mantyke & Mantine

As so many manta rays, Mantyke lives underwater.

Another baby Pokémon. Yay.

Fortunately, though, there is nothing special about Mantyke other than the fact that it only evolves into Mantine with a Remoraid in your party. As Mantine is always depicted with a Remoraid under its wing-like fins, this makes sense. In Remoraid and Octillery's entry I explained that attaching itself to a Mantine is an easy way for Remoraid to travel, while at the same time Mantine isn't bothered by the Remoraid on its wing in the slightest and just ignores it, so I guess these Pokémon are dependent on each other at times or at least willing to lend each other a hand (or a wing) when it's needed. This is a beautiful example of interdependent Pokémon relations, because we often see Pokémon as independent creatures that apparently don't need each other and Game Freak are doing little to nothing to change that image. At least when it comes to the core series games; I haven't watched the Pokémon anime in ages.

Official art of Mantine. While based on a manta ray, it looks like a
fighter plane with that Remoraid on its fin. 

But Mantyke is not where it's at. Mantine is where it's at; and to be honest with you, I think this Pokémon is kind of weird. First off, its secondary flying type leaves many people dazed and confused, but it's actually quite simple: like real-life manta rays, Mantine can fly up to 300 feet over the surface of the ocean when it builds up enough speed. Also, the Remoraid on its wing gives Mantine the look of a fighter aircraft, which further adds up to its flying type. Being water/flying instead of pure water, however, leaves it very vulnerable to electric-type attacks, as it has a quadruple weakness to them. It doesn't really matter, because Mantine is a bulky bitch. Its HP leaves a lot to be desired, but EV training solves that problem, and its natural special bulk allows you to invest some EVs in its defense instead. It's obvious Mantine is supposed to be a support Pokémon, but the thing is that it's not very good at it because it doesn't learn anything useful to go with its occupation. The best option is has is to poison its opponent with Toxic or burn it with Scald and then stall with Protect, or put up a Substitute against a specially offensive foe in order to get a free Toxic off. Of course, this set is best run on a defensive Mantine holding the Leftovers, although a specially offensive Mantine (Modest nature) with Choice Specs and moves like Hydro Pump, Scald, Signal Beam and Air Slash might get the job done as well.

Mantine above the surface of the ocean water, with Smeargle, Hoppip, Mantyke
and Wingull in the background.

When used right, Mantine can be a good Pokémon on any team. Too bad Mantyke and Mantine's flavour is a little bland, although the latter's design jacks up my rating a little. That means my eventual rating is going to be 4 stars, which is more than enough for Mantine; I think 3.5 stars is just a little bit too few, so then I'll just give it the benefit of the doubt.

Rating: 4/5

#225: Delibird

It would be a wise decision not to accept that present, even though
it's alluring. And no, that is not just a bag behind Delibird; that is
its tail.

Santa Claus, my asscrack.

That red-and-white color scheme looks nice and all, and it may give Delibird the appearance of Santa, but Santa doesn't give presents that explode in your fucking face. And Delibird tends to do that. Like, a lot. However, the bag-like tail contains not only exploding presents, but also food it collects for its chicks. It has been known to share its food with humans stranded in icy mountains, and there was once a famous explorer who managed to reach the peak Mount Everest and managed to survive because a Delibird shared its food with him. It's curious Delibird likes to live on mountain cliffs, because penguins are usually native to the southern hemisphere and live in the southern parts of South America and southern Africa and along the coast of Antarctica - they don't even live in the Arctic area. They usually stay in the vicinity of the ocean, and there is a good chance they'll never even get to come near a goddamn mountain in their 20-year lifespans. The 2007 documentary Encounters at the End of the World even contains footage of a lone mentally deranged and disorientated penguin waddling toward the mountains, heading to a certain death. As far as anyone can tell, the penguin is aware of what it's doing, so basically that means it's committing suicide. Harsh.

The feels, man. The feels.

You gotta love this art, only for the fact that Delibird is riding an
Arcanine. That's awesome. 

So, one could wonder why Game Freak made the mountains Delibird's habitat, while penguins apparently can't thrive in mountainous areas. However, they've made some questionable choices in the past, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. What matters is that Delibird - a rockhopper penguin in aesthetics, but a puffin (a penguin-like bird capable of flight) in characteristics - is a terrible Pokémon: it has a base stat total of 330 and its base 75 speed is the best stat it has. And prepare for some more horseshit, because Delibird doesn't even evolve, so you can't get any better; what you see is what you get. Unless you're clever enough to steer away from Delibird and choose another hazard lead, that is. I mean, the combination of Spikes, Rapid Spin and Destiny Bond seems like an interesting tactic, but Delibird's defenses are so ass that it's not even funny anymore. If Delibird had packed a punch, that tactic would have been worth it, but right now Delibird isn't even good enough to use in-game. And I know what I'm talking about, because I was forced to use it in a Pokémon X Wonderlocke once; what's more, it was the first Pokémon I obtained through Wonder Trade and - surprise! - it was the very first Pokémon to fall.

I love Delibird's design, but I hate how useless it is in battles, even despite its good physical movepool - including Fly. It even has two different abilities that do the exact same thing; both Insomnia and Vital Spirit prevent it from falling asleep in battles, and the only difference between the two is that the latter has an overworld effect. It's not even a significant one at that. I would like to give Delibird a perfect rating because I love its design so much, but I just can't. I have to subtract at least half a star because it's just a mere gimmick Pokémon, which means my final rating is a 4.5. Not bad either, right?

Rating: 4.5/5

#223 - #224: Remoraid & Octillery

Somehow I think it's weird that American parents go apeshit when they realize their kids are playing a game in which gambling plays a part (anyone remember the Game Corners?), but that they don't mind their children using Pokémon based on weaponry. Then again, owning a rifle has always been seen as a constitutional right rather than a privilege in America, and firearm legislation is not going to change anytime soon, especially not when Gumshoos becomes president.

A girl is using a Remoraid as a water gun, because why not?

But yeah, weaponry is what Remoraid is based on. While it looks a little like a grenade, the form of its fins and its shooting abilities actually give it the appearance of a revolver. Its Japanese name Teppouo
(テッポウオ) - from teppō ('gun') and uo ('fish') - and Chinese name Tiěpàoyú (鐵炮魚) - literally 'iron cannon fish' - even contain the name of some kind of weaponry, whereas that ain't the case in other languages. Remoraid can shoot jets of water at high velocity, hitting targets that are more than 300 feet away with incredible accuracy. While this trait may remind you of an archerfish, Remoraid is probably more based on a remora, a kind of fish that has a tendency to cling onto larger animals - like manta rays, sharks, whales, turtles and dugongs - with dorsal fins that take the form of an oval, suction-like organ. This gave it the name of suckerfish, or even 'sharksucker' and 'whalesucker'. Mantine, a manta ray Pokémon, is always depicted with a Remoraid attached to one of its wing-like fins, and that's exactly Remoraid's intention: it's an easy way of traveling. It doesn't even have to scavenge for food, because it just feeds on Mantine's leftovers.

Remoraid shooting... something out of its mouth. 

However, its evolution Octillery mainly looks like an octopus rather than some kind of weapon, even though its English name is derived from the word 'artillery'. Its Korean name Daepomuno (대포무노) - daepo means 'cannon' and mun'eo 'octopus' - and Chinese name Zhānyútǒng (章魚桶) - from zhānyú ('octopus') and tǒng ('container', probably referring to 'tank') - clearly contain the names of certain kinds of weapons, and I probably don't have to tell you on what weapon its Japanese name Okutank (オクタン) is based on. But these names are deceiving, because Octillery's design has no traits of tanks or wheel cannons and its flavour is actually far from interesting. Okay, it spurts ink at prey, but spurting ink is what octopuses usually do. Octillery even has its own signature move to help attribute to its flavor, Octazooka, and the only other Pokémon that can learn it is the Horsea line, and only through breeding with Octillery. What's more, the Japanese name of the move is 'Okutank Cannon', which is of course a direct reference to Octillery itself. It does surprise me it isn't part steel type, because it bashes things - inanimate or living - with its rock-hard head after it got hold of them tightly with its suction cups; plus, according to Game Freak and Nintendo, it has some traits of tanks and containers, right?

Octillery in the anime.

Octillery really could have used that steel typing though, because it's just a mediocre Pokémon. It's more than fine for in-game purposes, but in the competitive scene it is quite lacking, especially in speed. But now that I take a look at its stats, I have to say that I didn't even know its attack and special attack were that high. I always thought they were around 85 or 90 or something, but 105 base attacking stats aren't all that bad. Oh wow. Still, its HP and defenses all sit at a moderate 75 and that ain't bulky at all. Those mediocre stats allow you to run an all-offensive Octillery, whether it be special or physical. And its special movepool is tremendous: it can learn Surf, Scald, Ice Beam, Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Energy Ball, Signal Beam, Sludge Bomb, Sludge Wave, Hydro Pump and Flash Cannon. On the physical side of the spectrum we have Gunk Shot, Waterfall, Seed Bomb and even Rock Blast and Bullet Seed. It's a shame Octillery can't get Skill Link, because that ability would have made Rock Blast and Bullet Seed tremendously useful. Going with a Choice Specs or Life Orb set with the Sniper ability (increases the damage of critical hits) is usually the better option, although it's quite common people use mixed Octillery just to fling Gunk Shot onto it or something. Understandable, because a 120-power poison-type move is a big check for fairies.

Still, Octillery is not a top-tier Pokémon, and I can understand why. It's slow, and despite its alleged tank-like aesthetics (honestly, I just can't see it) it's not very tanky at all. Its design is alright, though. I don't hate it - never have - but there's something lacking about Octillery, so I can't go higher than a mere 3.5-star rating. And that's perfectly average.

Rating: 3.5/5

#222: Corsola

Cute fan art of a shiny Corsola (the blue one) playing with
its regular counterpart.

I almost forgot this thing is... a thing. And I even used it in a playthrough. Honestly, it actually managed to put it some work with two Calm Minds up: its special defense is already decent and Calm Mind only buffs that stat up, as well as Corsola's special attack. And the move coverage was crazy; it can learn STAB moves like Surf and Power Gem (water and rock, respectively) and it has access to moves like Earth Power, Ice Beam, Psychic and Shadow Ball. You probably wonder why I wanted to use Corsola in the first place, but I didn't really have a reason for it. I just decided to use it when I caught one. It wasn't my best Pokémon by any means, but it has to be said that's due to Corsola's low base stat total (380). And because of that, Corsola is actually pretty booty, even to use in a goddamn playthrough. I had the luck my Corsola had a Modest nature, otherwise I would have simply ignored it. It goes without saying that Corsola's low stats leave you with nothing else to do but to throw this thing back into the sea without hesitation when you're looking for a competitive Pokémon. Just... don't use it. The fact that I had fun with it for a while doesn't mean that you will enjoy using it, but just in case I have piqued your interest and you want to use it now: by all means, go ahead.

Nice sub-aquatic art of Corsola. Surprisingly, there is quite some
fan art of Corsola to be found on the Internet. 

However, Corsola is one of those Pokémon that easily keeps being forgotten. Even by me, and I used one to guide me through Pokémon X. It's a shame, because Game Freak used an interesting concept to define Corsola: red coral, which is used as a precious stone because of its durable and intensely colored red or pink skeleton. The Dutch even call it bloedkoraal ('blood coral') because of the intense red color. However, excessive fishing has damaged the species along the Mediterranean coastline, which has resulted in several protection enactments. The tips of Corsola's head is also treasured for its beauty - they even glitter in seven colors when they catch sunlight - but at least Corsola can shed its branches and grow them back over the course of a single night when it's healthy. When the water it lives in is polluted, however, the branches discolor and deteriorate due to a lack of nutrition Corsola gets from clear water. The one thing I think should have been included in Corsola's Pokédex entries is whether it has been hunted to near extinction for its growths or not, similar to its real-life counterpart red coral. The protection laws that have been in effect in Banyuls, Carry-le-Rouet and Scandola - the three oldest Mediterranean Marine Protected Areas, all off the coast of the island of Corsica - since their approval resulted in growing colonies of red coral at shallow and deeper depths.

Yeah, it would have been nice if Corsola's Pokédex entries had contained such information, but at least Game Freak gave this Pokémon some thought. I think. I'm not a huge fan of the design, but I guess it's okay, although it'll have an influence on my overall rating of Corsola. The same counts for its nonexistent competitive abilities and the fact that it's a forgettable Pokémon at best, but I won't be savage: Corsola gets a 3.5-star rating.

Rating: 3.5/5

#220 - #221, #473: Swinub, Piloswine & Mamoswine

Swinub in a grassy plain, not their usual habitat by any means.

Swinub is one of those Pokémon that has gained significance due to its final evolution, Mamoswine, which was introduced two generations later than Swinub and Piloswine. Of course, Swinub itself is nothing special. With a base stat total of 250 it is the weakest ice-type Pokémon in existence, and it stays that way until it evolves into Piloswine at level 33 and finally becomes useful. While it is obviously a piglet - a wild boar piglet at that, considering the stripes on its back - it also has some traits of Peruvian guinea pigs, which have long, shaggy hair that even covers their little legs, as is the case with Swinub. Swinub likes a particular type of mushroom that grows under dead grass, and it searches for them by smell, often discovering hot springs buried under ice in the process. It reminds me of the pigs that were often used for locating and extracting a rare and very expensive type of mushroom delicacy called the truffle, although the use of these so-called truffle hogs has been prohibited since 1985. It seemed that the pigs had an extremely strong appetite for these truffles, which caused damage to the truffles' mycelium (the vegetative part of a fungus) during the excavation and dropped the production rate of the area for some years. These days, well-trained dogs are used to find the delicacy.

A Mamoswine - the big fella in the back - with its family, a
Piloswine (left) and two Swinub (right).

Swinub is like that, too: if it smells an enticing fragrance, it dashes toward it and won't stop until it finds the source. Piloswine is a bit more 'sophisticated', so to speak, as it uses its sensitive nose and ears to check its surroundings instead. It does that because its eyes are usually covered up by tufts of fur and is unable to see properly. Its tusks look insignificant, but they are made of ice, thicken when it snows and have occasionally been proved to be lethal. While Piloswine doesn't have visible hooves, not even when its legs can be seen in full glory, its Pokédex entries talk of hooves that ensure even footing on icy ground, which indicates that Piloswine may be based on a yak. But that idea is thrown out of the window when it evolves into Mamoswine by leveling it up while it knows Ancient Power. Mamoswine, as its name suggests, is based on a mammoth or mastodon - both belong to different genera; they are classified as mammuthus and mammut, respectively. In any case, both are proboscideans that are distant ancestors of the elephant. Mamoswine, however, has a pig's snout instead of a proboscis (also called a 'trunk'), although such hybrid Pokémon are not uncommon. It's interesting to know that even in the Pokémon world there were ice ages, and Mamoswine allegedly disappeared after the last one, until one was dug up from soil/ice (Platinum and HeartGold seem to disagree on which one it is) dating back 10,000 years. To much amazement, it woke up, having survived harsh cold and severe hunger for so many years. It's a bit illogical to say Mamoswine's population thinned 10,000 years in the past while Swinub and Piloswine kept 'existing', but whatever. This is Game Freak we're talking about after all, so what else should I have expected?

Dawn's party, including a Mamoswine. 

Well, what you can expect is a competitive monster. Mamoswine has some beefy HP and a mammoth attack stat - sorry, I had to - with which it can endure quite some hits and hit back as hard as it possibly can. A Life Orb set is obvious here, with a Jolly nature for some more speed, which it needs, or an Adamant nature to boost its attack even further. Its hidden ability Thick Fat is the best option here, as it halves damage from incoming ice- and fire-type moves, the latter of which Mamoswine usually has a weakness to. Because it's quite bulky, it can set up Stealth Rock and proceed annihilating things with moves like Icicle Crash, Earthquake, Superpower, Iron Head, Knock Off, Stone Edge and Rock Slide, while Ice Shard is a rather weak move that does have increased priority. It depends on what you need. Unfortunately, it has no means of boosting its attack apart from a Choice Band, but that item limits it to using one move only.

A Mamoswine set is kind of straightforward, as you - and your opponent, for that matter - know exactly what's gonna come. Evolving Piloswine is tedious, as you have to wait until you get to a Move Relearner in order for them to teach your Piloswine Ancient Power, but at least the result is satisfying. Design-wise I'm not Mamoswine's biggest fan, but at least Game Freak's attempt to create a worthy evolution for Piloswine has paid off. I'll give it a 4-star rating, but only just.

Rating: 4/5

#218 - #219: Slugma & Magcargo

I think Slugma's old official art (right) is much better than its
current official art (left). The latter's snout shape is just so weird
compared to the other. 

Talk about insignificant. Slugma and Magcargo have never been such popular Pokémon and I can understand why, even though I quite like them personally. That is to blame on a mix of terrible competitive utility, horrendous flavor inconsistency, and its overall easy-to-forget design. While they're not exactly the same, Numel and Camerupt can do what Slugma and Magcargo can, only much better. Camerupt even has a Mega to boot. But surely there are some positive aspects to be found of Slugma and Magcargo, right? Slugma, a little magma slug, has a circulatory system composed entirely of intensely hot magma, which delivers vital nutrients and oxygen to its organs. However, it never sleeps nor ever stops moving in order to prevent its body from cooling or hardening, because if it does it will become brittle and start to break apart. Slugma's shiny form is gray and may be based on cooled, hardened magma, which is usually a metallic gray color.

Magcargo.

But whereas Slugma's body may be intensely hot, Magcargo's body temperature is ridiculously high. I'd say even impossibly high, because at 18,000°F its body is even hotter than the surface of the sun (9,940°F). It would be impossible to approach Magcargo in the first place, let alone touch it. And according to its Pokédex entries, its magma body causes water to evaporate on contact, yet in the games it is still 4x weak to water due to its additional rock type. That's due to the rocky shell, which is just skin that has hardened and is brittle enough to be crumbled apart by touching it slightly, but Magcargo - the 'cargo' part being derived from 'cargo' and escargot, the French word for 'snail' - can reform its body by dipping itself in magma. That reminds me of Magmar, who dips its body in lava in order to instantly recover from its injuries, but reforming your body is still an entirely different thing than healing it. While Slugma and Magcargo are believed to be based on the Chilean myth of the Cherufe, mythical evil creatures of rock and magma that are found in the mythology of the indigenous Mapuche people in south-central Chile and southwestern Argentina and inhabit the magma pools of Chilean volcanoes, nothing actually indicates that those monsters take on the form of snails or slugs.

A more 'realistic' approach to Macargo: a magma snail with a
shell on its back. Snails don't usually let fire escape from their
shells, but whatever. 

In legends, Cherufe are the source of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions; and while Magcargo can learn Earthquake, it's not evidence of it being based on the Cherufe, because many other Pokémon can learn Earthquake as well. Magcargo doesn't even learn Eruption, but it doesn't need it. This move does more damage the more HP Magcargo has, but Magcargo is slow in the first place and it will always take a hit first, instantly reducing its HP and weakening Eruption. Handier is Shell Smash, which sharply raises Magcargo's attack, special attack and speed but lowers each defense stat by one stage. It's an appropriate move for it (however, despite the brittle shell its defense is still a solid base 120) and if you manage to pull it off, you're good to go. Unfortunately, Magcargo doesn't have many coverage moves: Earth Power isn't even STAB, the only special-based rock-type move it gets is Ancient Power, and the only good moves it has aside from Earth Power are its fire-type moves. Lava Plume, Flamethrower and Heat Wave are pretty reliable, while Fire Blast is stronger but less accurate. As for items and abilities, Magcargo isn't very viable competitively, and it is outclassed by so many other fire-type Pokémon in the tier (PU; partly used) that it's not even funny. Don't even think about using Magcargo as a defensive support Pokémon, because its low HP won't back up its great defense stat, and common water- and ground-types will completely annihilate it. And let's not start about its mediocre special defense. It can still be a decent in-game Pokémon with any desirable item attached to it, if you have the patience to wait for Slugma to evolve into Magcargo at level 38.

Magcargo is not as good as it should have been, but at least Game Freak went with an interesting concept, flavor inconsistency aside (a body hotter than the sun's surface, really?). Plus, I quite like its design, and it makes me think that it's just a shame that Magcargo isn't a better Pokémon overall. I don't think I'm ever gonna use it, but I don't hate it. Like, at all.

Rating: 4/5