#352: Kecleon

3D art of a regular Kecleon. 

So... I'm back, I guess? I can't promise I'll post as frequently as I used to, but at least I've got a little bit more time on my hands now, so let's dive into the next review.

Kecleon is one of those one-off Pokémon that is... not interesting by any means. It is common knowledge that most species of chameleons have the ability to change their skin color to blend in with its surroundings, and Kecleon is no different. It works as follows: chameleon skin has a superficial layer that contains pigments, and by changing the space between the guanine crystals (guanine is one of the four nucleobases found in DNA and RNA) found in the cells under that layer, a chameleon can easily change its skin color. It's a matter of light reflection: if the space between the guanine crystals is altered, the wavelength of light reflected off the crystals is altered as well, causing the chameleon to take on a different color. The only flaw Kecleon has is that it is unable to change the color of the red zigzag pattern on its belly, making it somewhat visible even if the rest of its body can't be seen. Its 95% invisibility suffices for sneaking up on prey unnoticed and ensnaring it with its long pink tongue, though, so Kecleon has nothing to complain about.

Reddy and Greeny in "The Kecleon Caper", under the ownership of Madison and
Alexa. I wonder how Madison came up with the name 'Reddy', because the purple
Kecleon is obviously... well, purple. 

The only thing that confuses me is the purple Kecleon seen in the anime and the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games. Kecleon is usually green, and shiny Kecleon only has its stripe color changed to blue rather than its whole body to a completely different color scheme. It's a bland shiny and I had rather we got an official purple shiny Kecleon than the current shiny, but alas... purple Kecleon is only observable in the anime, and not even in the Hoenn saga. Kecleon was introduced in "The Kecleon Caper", which is the 48th episode of the fourth season and still takes place in Johto rather than Hoenn, making Kecleon the first Gen. III Pokémon to be seen in the anime. Despite introducing a brand new Pokémon at the time, the episode seems to be one of the most generic ones now that I'm reading through the summary: there's nothing more to it than Ash, Brock and Misty showing off their Pokémon to two strangers and rescuing their Kecleon from Team Rocket. One other way to admire a purple Kecleon is in the Nintendo DS games of the Mystery Dungeon installment, where an old purple Kecleon is seen running the Kecleon Shop with a younger green one. They don't do anything other than selling you shit or buying shit from you, so I guess the purple Kecleon serves no other purpose than being a small aesthetic shake-up.

Kecleon as seen in the Nintendo DS games of the
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon installment. Instead of
beige nails and a beige pettern running across its face,
these features are now mint green.  

And it's not as if Kecleon is a highly competitively viable Pokémon, either. It currently resides in the NU tier, one of the lowest tiers for fully evolved Pokémon on Smogon, and it genuinely takes a genius to make its moveset work. A base stat total of 440 seems decent to work with, but Kecleon's base 120 special defense takes up most of it. I think Kecleon has no business being so specially defensive - it doesn't look defensive by any means; on the contrary, it looks a little like a pushover. Aside from that, though, its special defense is hardly backed up by its HP, which is mediocre at best. Kecleon is also really slow and therefore it has to rely on priority moves like Sucker Punch, which got a nerf in Sun and Moon and only has 5 PP - 8 when you use a PP Max or three PP Ups on it. Its base 90 attack stat means that all of the EVs you have to invest in this Pokémon go to its HP and attack, leaving practically no room for boosting any other stat. The only thing you can do is to run a Brave nature (lowers speed, increases attack) over an Adamant one (lowers special attack, increases attack), just so you can use special moves if necessary. Kecleon has a wide movepool, sporting Sucker Punch, Brick Break, Rock Slide, Return, Drain Punch, Aqua Tail, Iron Tail, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch, Fake Out and Knock Off on the physical side of the spectrum. For special moves, it has access to popular ones like Ice Beam, Blizzard. Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Thunderbolt, Thunder, Grass Knot, Shadow Ball and even Psybeam and Ancient Power. You can even throw Magic Coat into the mix in order for you to reflect certain status moves back to the opponent. The good thing is that Kecleon can get STAB from all of its attacking moves, no matter which ones you choose, because its hidden ability Protean makes it change into the type of the move it's about to use (e.g. if it uses Flamethrower, it becomes a fire type). That combined with a Life Orb allows Kecleon to hit fairly hard, although there are genuinely much better options for you to choose from.

Is it bad that I think the purple Kecleon is so much more interesting than regular
Kecleon?

Here's the thing, though... while I was pretty negative about Kecleon throughout this article, I don't hate it at all. The problem here is that there's nothing about its flavor or in-game utility that makes it stand out to me, although I have to say I really like its design. It's not as colorful as I hoped it would have been, but Game Freak made that up to some extent by giving us that purple Kecleon, if only sporadically. In fact, I haven't seen it since the Mystery Dungeon games, and I low-key feel kinda sad about that. I always thought Kecleon was weaker than it actually is, being mediocre in almost everything, so I was kind of taken aback when I saw its decent base attack stat. Okay, maybe 'being taken aback' is too strong a term to describe what happened, but at least you can say I frowned.

Long story short, I do like Kecleon, but I wish Game Freak had done a little bit more to make it at least more viable. Now it seems like everyone is forgetting about Kecleon, while it definitely doesn't deserve such a fate.

Rating: 3.5/5

#351: Castform

You know, Game Freak, even I could've come up with a better Pokémon focusing around the weather mechanics in the game than this pair of balls/boobs/buns (cross out wherever inapplicable).

The split personalities of Castform. Maybe it's better for it to go
see a psychiatrist. 

Based on the teru teru bōzu, a small Japanese charm doll made of white paper or cloth used to wish for good weather, Castform is an artificial Pokémon made by Hoenn's Weather Institute. Its body is made of cells exactly like those of water molecules, causing its structure to be altered by temperature and humidity in order to protect its tiny body. This gives it the power to change forms based on the weather on the battlefield: Sunny Forme in sunny weather, Rainy Forme in rainy weather and Snowy Forme when it's hailing (but hail is not snow, goddammit). Its former signature move Weather Ball is a 50-power normal-type move that doubles in power with a weather condition up, changes type depending on whether it's raining or hailing or whether the sun is shining, and provides STAB for whatever form Castform is in at the moment. This excludes a sandstorm, which does change Weather Ball's type into rock and doubles its power to 100, but doesn't cause a molecular change in Castform and therefore provides mere type coverage rather than STAB. Unfortunately, there is nothing Castform can do with this whole weather thing, as it has to set up a weather condition first, which its mediocre stats won't allow it to do. Base 70 stats across the board are nothing to write home about, as it can't take a hit very well and won't be able to hit very hard in return. A Pokémon based on the English saying "rain, hail, or shine" (whatever the weather; or, more figuratively, whatever the situation) is an interesting concept, but GameFreak could have made Castform a little bit better, at least; for example, increase the base stats of its weather forms to between 85 and 90 each, letting Castform end up with a base stat total of between 510 and 540 rather than 420. As the situation is right now, however, I can't even come up with a good competitive set for it. It's not even that good to use in-game, so...

Castform and its three weather forms lined up. 

For now, there are hardly any redeeming qualities to be found in Castform. I mean, I like how it looks like a giant H2O molecule in some way, and that its name is a play on 'forecast', but that's pretty much everything. I mean, its different forms didn't even get separate Pokédex entries until Pokémon Sun and Moon, and even then I didn't know why the hell they had to include Castform in the Alola Pokédex.

Sunny Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes on the brightest of days. Its skin is unexpectedly hot to the touch, so approach with care."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when basking in fair weather. Its body is warm and toasty."

Rainy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when soaked with rain. When its body is compressed, water will seep out as if from a sponge."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform's form during a downpour of rain. Its body retains moisture and gets slippery."

Snowy Forme
Pokédex entry Sun:
"This is the form Castform takes when covered in snow. Its body becomes an ice-like material, with a temperature near 23 degrees Fahrenheit."

Pokédex entry Moon:
"This is Castform’s form when caught in a hailstorm. Its cold skin is as smooth as ice."

Adding an additional form to Castform that is based on the sandstorm weather
condition may not be a bad idea. Then again, it would be yet another gimmicky
form of the same goddamn Pokémon with the same goddamn base stats. Also,
this fan-made 'Rocky Forme' looks a hell of a lot like Baltoy in a way. 

So, nothing special, right? For a Pokémon based on the sun, it's to be expected its skin feels so hot. For a Pokémon based on rain, it's not a surprise it's so moisty and spongy. For a Pokémon based on a snow cloud, it's logical its temperature is near 23 degrees. All three forms are outclassed by other Pokémon focusing around heat, moisture and cold, flavor-wise as well as stat-wise, and all look a little too obviously like weather references in the first place, making them look dumb. I also think they're mildly inappropriate - especially the regular form, which looks like a pair of testicles, breasts or buttocks with a giant head on top; in the latter case even a reversed head, mind you - but maybe that's just my perverse, adult mind.

Balls, why is Castform so bad?

Rating: 1.5/5

#349 - #350: Feebas & Milotic

I may not have been posting reviews very often recently, but that's because I had a lot do on a personal scale and just didn't really have the time to write anything. Plus, I am currently keeping up with everything related to the Eurovision Song Contest held in Kyiv, Ukraine in the upcoming week (go, OG3NE!), so I expect the pace at which I post these Pokémon reviews will accelerate after the Grand Final next Saturday.

This is a pretty accurate meme, I'd say. Its scarcity, in stark
contrast to Magikarp's overpopulation, is absolutely infuriating.

For right now, though, I have the time to discuss the next Pokémon in the numerical order, being Feebas and its evolution Milotic. The former is an ugly and shabby-looking fish, while the latter is a sea serpent said to be the most beautiful Pokémon in existence. This makes their evolution very similar to that of Magikarp and Gyarados aesthetic-wise, because y'all know Magikarp is a pathetic and useless little fishie and Gyarados is a badass sea dragon. However, while there seems to be an overabundance of Magikarp in practically every game, finding Feebas was a fucking drag in the original GBA games: the probability of finding a water tile with a Feebas on Route 119 is approximately 1:73, with six fishing spots on 436 water tiles. In Mt. Coronet in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, the odds of finding a Feebas - at 1:132 - are even slimmer than in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, with four possible fishing spots on 528 water tiles. In addition to that, you need to maximize its Beauty stat in order for you to evolve it, which makes it the only Pokémon that needs a modification in its Contest stats for it to evolve at all. In later generations, however, Game Freak made it so that Feebas could be found in the entire fishing area, although sometimes the odds of finding one aren't more than 5% under normal conditions. Evolving it has been less of a drag as well lately, as it changes into Milotic when traded holding a Prism Scale.

The beautiful and elegant Milotic with its ugly child, Feebas.
I believe it's giving its parent a Heart Scale. 

Like with Magikarp and Gyarados, there couldn't have been a bigger contrast between the ugly and ragged-looking Feebas and the beautiful and elegant Milotic. Feebas's Pokédex entries even state that it is largely ignored by Pokémon Trainers and scientists/researchers alike for its hideous appearance (although its Moon entry states that its marvelous vitality has made it a subject of research), but it is a hardy Pokémon capable of living anywhere and eating anything. It's dim-witted and gullible, though, which makes it easy to capture once you've found it. Owning one of these bass - though they bear some uncanny resemblances to marine hatchetfish, including the flat body, large eyes, big mouth and ugliness - will eventually pay off, because Milotic is indeed nothing short of gorgeous. Its lovely scales are described as rainbow-colored, changing color depending on the viewing angle, and its captivating beauty has been the inspiration for many works of art, including paintings and statues. Now, Parfum Palace is probably one of the most stately places in X and Y, but what really catches your eye is the beautiful gold statue of Milotic in the foyer. 'Beauty' is even in its English and foreign names, although not in an obvious way: 'Milotic' is derived from a statue called Venus de Milo, a work of ancient Greek sculpture well-known for being an example of beauty. Its pale, elongated body and extended, red dorsal fins are reminiscent of an incredibly rare species of fish called the oarfish. Milotic may therefore be a pure water type, but its flavor suggests it could have had psychic as its secondary type: this pacifist Pokémon has the power to becalm human emotions such as anger and hostility and end arguments by releasing a wave of pinkish energy, and in the anime it is shown moving by floating in the air. It doesn't have any significantly useful psychic-type moves, though, so we can throw that idea out the window.

Gorgeous, right?

I've mentioned Gyarados several times already, but Milotic has a lot of similarities with this aggressive sea dragon: both are serpentine forms of weak fish Pokémon, both appear in times of conflict (Milotic to becalm, Gyarados to wreak havoc), both have base stat totals of 540 - sharing the same HP, defense and speed, and the same base stat values in attack, special attack and special defense but in a different arrangement - and both are tied with each other for the greatest increase in base stat total upon evolving, at 340 points.

More beautiful fan art of Milotic.

And a base stat total of 540 definitely comes in handy in competitive play. With base 95 HP and 125 special defense, Milotic serves as a great special tank, and a Bold nature boosts its base 79 physical defense to make it just an overall defensive pivot. A Calm nature is perfectly feasible as well, but Milotic is specially defensive in itself and you'd probably want to buff its physical defense a little. If you do invest the required EVs in defense and HP, you won't be able to boost its special attack all that much, but at a base 100 it's respectable anyway. Moreover, Milotic should be able to tank hits and then hit back with a Scald for a chance to burn the opponent and lessen the damage output of physical moves even more (a burn halves the opponent's attack stat). That's not all, though, as you should do everything in your might to assure Milotic's longevity: its ridiculous bulk is backed up by the move Recover, which heals half of its HP whenever it is used, and the held item Leftovers, which heal a little of its HP at the end of every turn. To round out its moveset, you should give it Ice Beam for some nice type coverage and Haze to reset all stat changes on the battlefield. The latter is especially handy to counter Pokémon that rely on stat boosts to overcome Milotic and sweep the rest of your team. Alternatively, Dragon Tail is a move with negative priority but forces the current opposing Pokémon out in exchange for another when it hits. And as if Milotic wasn't sporting enough bulk already, it has access to an ability called Marvel Scale, which increases its defense whenever it suffers from a status condition. It has another ability called Competitive, which sharply increases its special attack every time one of its stats is lowered, and its hidden ability Cute Charm is terrible and shouldn't even be touched. Marvel Scale is generally better than Competitive, although the special attack boost can be nice at times.

Whoever knit this shiny Milotic is very talented. 

I have to be honest here and say that Milotic is only one of my favorite Pokémon because it's pretty. There's a vast array of pretty fan art of Milotic to be found on the Internet as well, and I have to say I could hardly choose. I've never used one in a playthrough due to Feebas's annoying evolution method, but I currently have one that is level 1 and I could probably use it on a team of solely serpentine Pokémon consisting of Seviper, Milotic, Steelix, Gyarados, Serperior and Dragonair; no Arbok because Seviper is already a pure poison type, no Huntail and/or Gorebyss because I'd have a pure water type in Milotic already, and no Rayquaza because it's OP as fuck. I've used themed teams before, most noticeably my feline team led by Luxray, and I could totally do it. Heck, I totally want to do it, but I just don't have the time right now.

While I ranked Milotic number 10 in my top 10 of favorite Pokémon four years ago, it definitely isn't in my top 10 anymore. That's partly due to my recently acquired love for phenomenal steel types like Steelix, Skarmory, Celesteela, Solgaleo, Klinklang, Metagross and Ferrothorn, all of which easily hold spots in my top 20, but also because my love for it has died down a little. I still love it, of course, and it deserves no less than a perfect rating from me.

P.S.: I like how Feebas's French name of Barpau is phonetically similar to pas beau, which means 'not beautiful'. That's some real shade you're throwing at Feebas, Game Freak! Personally, I think it's a bit of an understatement.

Rating: 5/5

#347 - #348: Anorith & Armaldo

Image of a happy prehistoric Pokémon family (minus Tyrunt,
Tyrantrum, Amaura and Aurorus). Armaldo is the big arthropod
standing beneath Archeops, the big flying dinosaur bird. And I
don't know what the fuck Anorith - beside Arnaldo's right eye - is
doing exactly, but I can tell you right now that it certainly doesn't
have the ability to fly.

While it looked like Game Freak went out of their way to make the Gen. III fossils something unique and unexpected, they did go back to arthropods with Anorith and Armaldo. Kabuto and Kabutops may look more badass and menacing, but I don't think these Gen. III arthropods should be underestimated. Not only is Armaldo stronger and more defensive than Kabutops stat-wise, it also has a better typing in rock/bug rather than rock/water. The result? It doesn't have any major weaknesses to worry about aside from rock and maybe water, which aren't even quadruple weaknesses like Kabutop's one to grass, and it has access to a much better physical movepool, which it benefits greatly from. First off, Armaldo is much better suited to run a Leftovers set accompanied by moves like Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin in order to set up rocks or remove them, respectively. It's also able to take a hit or two - especially when they're physical-based - only to set up with Swords Dance and wreck entire teams with STAB moves like Stone Edge, Rock Slide and X-Scissor. It has much better type coverage than Kabutops in the fantastic Earthquake, as well as in moves like Aqua Tail, Aqua Jet, Cross Poison, Brick Break, Superpower, Iron Tail and Knock Off.

TCG art of Armaldo.

What's more, you don't even have to worry about your Armaldo getting critted, because its only regular ability, Battle Armor, prevents the opponent from landing a critical hit on it. Its hidden ability Swift Swim doubles its speed in the rain, but Armaldo isn't fast in the first place and the rain can be used against it, as water-type moves will cause devastating damage on it due to its weakness to this type. Running Swift Swim is possible in combination with a Swords Dance set and a Life Orb, but it will be quite tricky to pull off and I therefore recommend sticking with Battle Armor if you're not ready to take on complicated rain sets for a Pokémon that is weak to water in the first place. You do need another Pokémon to set up the rain, after all.

Isn't Anorith just adorable???

Anorith and Armaldo may be based on arthropods that have gone extinct, but that doesn't mean they're a complete rip-off of Kabuto and Kabutops. Anorith resembles an anomalocaris, an extinct arthropod believed to have been a predator of approximately 3 feet long and the ancestor of all modern-day arthropods. The anomalocaris had strange aesthetic qualities to it, possessing two large compound eyes on stalks protruding from either side of the head and a pair of arm-like proboscides extending from between its eyes. Those features were maintained when Game Freak created Anorith, and the result is an interesting Pokémon. When Anorith evolves, it becomes bipedal; and while some features of the anomalocaris are still eminent in Armaldo's design, including the side 'feathers' and the eyes on stalks, this Pokémon looks more saurian than ever. It makes Armaldo bigger and more intimidating and the claws protruding from its chest more lethal. And they are deadly, because they can be freely extended or contracted and can cut through steel slabs (which, of course, isn't noticable in in-game mechanics). The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that both Anorith and Armaldo are weak to water. Anorith's Pokédex entries clearly state that it once lived in warm seas, undulating the eight wings on the side of its body - which were once feet that transformed to adapt to life in the sea - to swim around. Granted, it went ashore upon evolving and thus it became bipedal, which was more convenient for life on land, but Armaldo still hunts for prey underwater and swims around using its two large wings - which are actually the yellow-edged black plates that are part of its armor rather than the weird 'feathers'.

Sigh. I love Pokémon, Game Freak, but you are not without your flaws, are you?

Still of a video tutorial teaching y'all how to draw (and color) Pokémon.

On its own merits, Anorith is kinda cute, but Armaldo is really where it's at. It doesn't look too menacing, but don't be deceived by its rather innocent appearance at first: this thing is a beast. While I never had the privilege to use one in a playthrough (the only time I used a Hoenn fossil was when I picked the Root Fossil rather than the Claw Fossil in an Omega Ruby playthrough of mine, and I only decided on that because I needed a grass type on my team), Armaldo's shrimp-like design appeals to me more than Cradily's disproportional plant-that-is-not-really-a-plant-but-a-marine-animal-called-a-crinoid-and-thus-cannot-actually-be-a-grass-type design. Armaldo doesn't belong to my absolute favorites, but at least I'll grant it half a star more than Cradily.

Rating: 4.5/5

#345 - #346: Lileep & Cradily

Even fan art depicts Lileep (bottom left, the purple vase-like
Pokémon with the tentacles around its eyes) being underwater.

Lileep and Cradily are the first fossil Pokémon since Aerodactyl near the end of the Kanto Pokédex. Johto didn't have a pair of fossils to choose from and it wouldn't be until Ruby and Sapphire that fossils made a comeback. Instead of mollusks and arthropods, however, we have a Pokémon that seems to be based on some kind of plant from prehistoric times. Nothing could be further from the truth, because it's actually based on an existing marine animal called the crinoid, which are often called sea lilies and were once thought to have gone extinct. These creatures are characterized by a mouth on the top surface that is surrounded by feeding arms, and they usually possess a stem they use to affix themselves to a substrate (a material that rests at the bottom of a stream; something like mud, sand, pebbles or boulders, for example). Lileep meets all of the criteria mentioned above, yet it is still a rock/grass type rather than a rock/water type, which leads us to believe it is based on some kind of extinct plant after all. It defies all logic, I'm telling you. There is absolutely nothing in Lileep's Pokédex entries that indicates it's a plant: it only disguises itself as seaweed, so that it can catch prey with its tentacles and swallow it whole. Said entries even state repeatedly that it lived on the seafloor 100 million years ago. Can it get any more obvious? Ugh, Game Freak... you have absolutely no idea what the hell you're doing.

More fan art of Lileep (left) and Cradily (right) dwelling on the seafloor. Obvious
reference is obvious.

Cradily suffers the same 'fate' as Lileep: the fact that the tentacles around Cradily's neck secrete a strong digestive fluid that melts its prey even suggests that it could have been the very first rock/poison type combo. It sure learns quite a decent amount of poison-type moves, too, so I wouldn't have been surprised if that had indeed been the case. It isn't, though, and Cradily's Pokédex entries even elaborate on the whole marine animal kind of thing, as it seemingly roams around the ocean floor of warm seas in search of food. Its body is apparently very heavy, because it serves as an anchor to prevent Cradily from being washed away when the weather is rough. This Pokémon may have been based on sea anemones, predatory marine animals with tentacles rather than the flowers they are named after, or even the predatory tunicate or ghostfish. This is a species of tunicate (marine invertebrate animals) resembling a cross between a jellyfish and a Venus flytrap, and lives anchored along the deep sea canyon walls and seafloor, waiting for tiny animals to drift or swim into its hood-shaped mouth. Both creatures obviously belong to the animal kingdom and are hardly an explanation for Lileep and Cradily's grass typing, but I guess it's no use to keep dwelling about this matter.

Also, why is Cradily classified as the 'Barnacle' Pokémon? It's not a barnacle. Bizarre.

Well, its utility in the competitive metagame is what matters, anyway. Despite having a type combo consisting of the two types with the most weaknesses - rock is weak to steel, fighting, ground, water and grass, while grass is weak to fire, bug, ice, poison and flying - it only has four weaknesses, two of which are uncommon offensively (steel and bug; fighting and ice are still fairly common). This, along with excellent defensive stats and its immunity to water due to its hidden ability Storm Drain, makes Cradily a great specially bulky pivot - especially when having a Sassy or Calm nature. It can set up Stealth Rock, keep its HP bar in the green with Recover and Giga Drain (the latter also serves as a reliable STAB grass-type move, fortunately), and poison opponents with Toxic. However, Cradily's offensive qualities are hardly anything to write home about - base 81 attack and special attack are pretty mediocre - and that results in it being unable to hit very hard, even with Giga Drain. Not that it matters. Much. Y'know, because even less offensive, bulky walls need something to attack with in addition to their support movesets. Cradily is good in what it does and it's best to use this Pokémon for these exact purposes rather than offensively, although switching into a water-type attack raises its special attack by one stage due to Storm Drain, allowing it to hit a bit harder with moves like Giga Drain and Ancient Power, if you must.

A little GIF of Lileep and Cradily going about their business in prehistoric paradise
(or something). Gotta love the Aerodactyl flying by in the background.

I may be complaining about Game Freak's inconsistency, but that doesn't mean I hate Cradily. On the contrary, even; I actually quite like its design, and I think both it and its pre-evolution Lileep radiate a certain kind of cuteness. Even competitively, Cradily's base stat total of almost 500 isn't bad at all, provided you use it for the correct purposes. Even though the Cradily I used in an Omega Ruby playthrough I did was quite underwhelming offensively, it didn't overly disappoint me because of its bulk. It's not the best fossil Pokémon by any means - even Armaldo, whom I'll be reviewing next, is better than Cradily - but at least it dodges a bad rating by quite a large margin.

Rating: 4/5

#343 - #344: Baltoy & Claydol

Baltoy happily spinning about. 

Baltoy and its evolution Claydol are a strange set of Pokémon. Found in the desert area of the Hoenn region, Baltoy seems to be a living clay figurine of some sort, which is obviously why it's a ground type. As for the reason why its secondary typing is psychic... I have absolutely no clue. Being a living clay doll doesn't justify its psychic typing, nor do its characteristics: it moves around by spinning on its one foot like a top toy and cleverly balances itself on said foot while it sleeps, and as soon as it spots others of its kind, it conregates with them and then begins crying noisily in unison. Baltoy's psychic typing seems to be predominant, as most of its level-up moves are of its secondary typing, as are the TM and Move Tutor moves it can learn. It doesn't have a shortage of ground-type moves at all, but I figured I'd mention it nonetheless. What's interesting is that Baltoy is an ancient Pokémon, and primitive murals in the ruins of an ancient city it was found in depict it living among the people of old times. Unsurprising, because this Pokémon and its evolution are based on the shakōki-dogū, a 'spaceman' clay figurine from the Jōmon period of Japanese prehistory (c. 14,000 - 300 BC), and Baltoy even shares some traits with a spinning top. The fact that culbuto and ottuki - found in its French and Korean names of Balbuto and Ohttukgun (오뚝군), respectively - both mean 'roly-poly toy' (or 'round-bottomed doll') doesn't seem to matter to Game Freak. Its Japanese and English names seem to take a more general or neutral approach: Yajilon (ヤジロン) is most probably an abbreviation of yajirobe'e, meaning 'balancing toy', while Baltoy may be a contraction thereof.

Claydol as seen in TCG, shooting Hyper Beams from the
protrusions on its arms.

And Claydol? Well... surely I don't have to explain where its name comes from, right? All I can say is that I think this Pokémon is weird, with its multiple eyes and beaks giving it the appearance of a couple of merged owls. It is more obviously a psychic type, though, as there's an aura of mystery surrounding Claydol and its flavor sure points to it being a psychic type as well. The spherical arms it has are not attached to its body, but are usually kept floating close by due to Claydol's psychic powers. It uses the same telekinetic abilities to move through the air and hovers in midair when it's asleep. Claydol is said to have come to life when an ancient doll made from clay, crafted by an ancient but primitive civilization dating back 20,000 years, was exposed to a mysterious ray of light. The psychic typing is also more eminent in Claydol's foreign names than Baltoy's, especially its Japanese and Chinese ones. For starters, its Japanese name Nendoll (ネンドール) contains the word nen, which is pretty much subject to interpretation: it is found in various compounds having to do with ESP-related phenomena such as nensha ('thoughtography'; the claimed ability to project images from one's mind onto surfaces such as photographic film by psychic means) and nendō ('telekinesis'), although nendo also means 'clay'. Lepumentas is Claydol's German name and originates from the Latin word for 'mind', being mentis, whereas its Chinese name Niànlìtǔ'ǒu (念力土偶) is partly derived from niànlì, which means 'psychokinesis' and also serves as the Chinese name for the move Confusion.

So, how 'bout that Mega Claydol? We don't need for it to become
bulkier, but God knows he needs a special attack boost. This
Mega reminds me of Shakkoumon from Digimon Adventure 02,
and that has everything to do with the fact that it is based on the
shakōki-dogū as well. 

One thing's for sure: Claydol won't be using Confusion anytime soon. This thing is a bulky bitch and is meant to tank hits and serve as a valuable support Pokémon. It learns Stealth Rock, with which you can set up rocks that hurt opposing Pokémon every time they're sent to the battlefield, while Rapid Spin removes entry hazards on your side of the field. Magic Coat reflects all entry hazard moves or moves that inflict a status condition (Leech Seed, Toxic, Stealth Rock and Teeter Dance, for example, but also moves like Taunt and Torment) back to the move's user. The Toxic/Protect combo is a classic tactic, although a nicer tactic is to let Claydol hold the Light Clay to extend the duration of moves like Reflect and Light Screen, which raise the entire team's defense and special defense by 50%. However, Claydol also needs a move to attack with, something like Psychic or Earth Power - as long as it's a strong STAB move it should do a considerable amount of damage. The best nature for such a Claydol is Bold or Calm, although a Modest nature can be used if you wanna go offensive. Its special movepool is crazy: Ancient Power, Earth Power, Psychic, Psyshock, Extrasensory, Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, Signal Beam, Grass Knot, Dazzling Gleam and even Charge Beam, a weak electric-type move that has a big chance of raising its special attack by one stage every time it is used. And when it comes to abilities, you don't even have to rack your brains for hours trying to decide which one you're gonna use: Claydol gets Levitate by default. This ability makes it immune to ground-type moves and entry hazards like Spikes and Toxic Spikes, and resistant to rock-type moves and Stealth Rock. How's that for an entry hazard remover?

Baltoy and Claydol's official art, hand-drawn by... someone. It's actually a still of a
video tutorial teaching people how to draw Pokémon.

Personally, though, I am not the biggest fan of Claydol. Yes, it's weird. And yes, I know I said that's what gives Gen. III a little bit of redemption. I don't think Claydol is a good kind of weird, though, rather an awkward kind of weird. The multiple pairs of eyes are unsettling and its head and body are unnecessarily rotund, which gives it too much of an artificial appearance, although its flavor suggests that it is an artificial Pokémon in all aspects. I don't hate Claydol, though. It still has an interesting and original design and flavor, with a unique albeit terrible defensive typing to boot (it is weak to ghost, dark, grass, water, bug and ice). I think a rating of 3 stars is a little bit low, so I'll just give it half a star extra.

Rating: 3.5/5

#341 - #342: Corphish & Crawdaunt

Corphish in what looks like the wrong habitat. 

A common misconception I noticed among Pokémon fans is that that they think Corphish is based on some kind of crab or lobster, probably because these animals are more well-known than crayfish, the actual animal Corphish is based on - or, more specifically, the red swamp crayfish. Crayfish are a type of edible crustaceans that are similar to lobsters, sure, but they're something different: they are usually smaller, live in freshwater - Corphish live in ponds found in Petalburg City and Routes 102 and 117, and you can fish them up with a Good Rod or Super Rod - and are more commonly used for home cooking, as opposed to lobsters being considered an expensive delicacy you'll order when you're in a chic restaurant. Corphish, however, won't have none of this kitchen shit, lobster or crayfish. It's a violent Pokémon that will drive out the original inhabitants of a specific area and claim the territory for its own, subsequently defending it from anyone or anything who dares invade it, hence this Pokémon's classification as the 'Ruffian Pokémon'. The reference to a certain species of crayfish that is seen as an invasive pest and has been causing trouble for Japan's wildlife for decades couldn't have been more obvious here. Corphish were originally imported to Hoenn as pets, however, making these Pokémon the first exotic species in the National Pokédex. Eventually turning up in the wild, they quickly proliferated and adapted to any environment, whether it be polluted or not.

Ash Ketchum had a Corphish, too. The dumbass never evolved it. 

The only thing I don't understand about Corphish is the military theme in its English and Asian names. First and foremost, Corphish is derived from 'corps' - which is the term for a branch of military serviceman and is pronounced as 'core' - or maybe 'corporal'. As for the origin of its names in Northeast Asia, well... its Japanese name Heigani (ヘイガニ) derives from hei and its Korean name Gazegun (가재군) from gun, both meaning 'army' or 'troops', but its ridiculously lengthy Chinese name of Lóngxiāxiǎobīng (龍蝦小兵) originates from xiǎobīng and suggests Corphish is a foot soldier. It doesn't really make sense to me, because being a police officer or a military servant requires possessing a certain perception of obedience, reservation and discipline that Corphish - and definitely its evolution Crawdaunt - tremendously lacks. I don't get it and I probably never will, but at least Game Freak were going for something here...

Crawdaunt looks savage. 

However, Corphish is next to nothing compared to Crawdaunt. The latter is so violent and short-tempered that it is compelled to constantly challenge other living things to battle. No other Pokémon dare inhabit its territory because of this habit. Not that they get a chance to do that, because if Crawdaunt senses something venturing too close to it or its nest, it will pinch the trespasser and toss them out of its pond by using its sharp pincers or crash into them with full force. A veteran Crawdaunt that has prevailed in hundreds of battles has giant pincers marked with countless scars. It can be quite vulnerable, however, as it molts its shell on a regular basis and hides in its streambed burrow to hide from its foes when its new shell is still soft and tender. This shell may be based on Batesian mimicry in association with Sharpedo - another water/dark type introduced in the same generation - as it resembles an open shark mouth with a yellow star on the nose, just like Sharpedo's scar. However, Batesian mimicry is a form of mimicry where a harmless species has evolved to imitate the warning signals of a harmful species directed at a predator of them both, and Crawdaunt can by no means be called harmless. Oh, well... In general, though, Crawdaunt is a relatively big and powerful Pokémon extremely prone to malice, making it a perfect secondary dark type. Because of its size and type, Crawdaunt may actually be based on a lobster, which is comparatively big when you put them next to crayfish - although Crawdaunt still live in ponds rather than saltwater and its name is derived from 'crawdad' or 'crawfish', which are just alternative names for 'crayfish'.

Crawdaunt as seen in TCG. 

Some of Crawdaunt's flavor can be found back in its in-game stats, though, as it possesses an incredible attack stat and some moderate defensive qualities on the physical side of the spectrum. Unfortunately, it is not fast or specially defensive at all; instead, some of these much-needed base points go to its unnecessarily high special attack. It's not sky-high, but it's pretty damn good, which is a shame considering the fact you're only going to utilize its physical strength. It's inevitable, because its physical attack is so much higher than its special attack and its physical movepool so much better than its special one. First off, Crawdaunt has access to an egg move called Dragon Dance, a move that increases its attack and speed by one stage each when used. Secondly, Aqua Jet is a water-type priority move that hits relatively hard after a couple of Dragon Dance boosts. Next, Knock Off is a dark-type move that deals double the damage if the opponent is holding an item. For some STAB moves that are more reliable you can always fall back on moves like Crunch, Waterfall and Crabhammer, although you could opt for some nice type coverage: Crawdaunt learns moves like X-Scissor, Rock Slide, Superpower, Brick Break and Aerial Ace.

Because of Dragon Dance - or, alternatively, Swords Dance - and Aqua Jet, you can consciously run an Adamant Crawdaunt with a Life Orb (makes Crawdaunt lose 10% of its health each turn in return for a bit more power) or a Focus Sash (leaves Crawdaunt at 1 HP when attacked at full HP). As far as abilities go, its two regular abilities Hyper Cutter and Shell Armor aren't worth your while. Sure, no critical hits (Shell Armor) or decreases in its attack (Hyper Cutter) seem like nice little side effects, and the former certainly is, but its hidden ability Adaptability boosts the power of its STAB moves even further, which makes Crawdaunt a force to be reckoned with.

This is actually some nice realistic fan art of Crawdaunt and its little baby
Corphishies. The barnacles on its body are kinda inaccurate, though, as most
barnacles are saltwater crustaceans.

I absolutely love Crawdaunt and I think it is definitely one of the better Pokémon based on a crustacean - it's more appealing than fucking Crabominable, that's for sure. I even used one in an Omega Ruby playthrough and it was the true MVP of the team, rocking a devastating Swords Dance set. I'd say it's up there with Clawitzer, but the dark typing gives it a certain edge to it that I like.

Rating: 5/5