#425 - #426: Drifloon & Drifblim

Oddly vibrant and pretty art for a such a ghastly Pokémon.

The first proper balloon Pokémon - and no, the Igglybuff line does not count - are an interesting duo, to say the least. Of all things, Game Freak decided to give them the ghost type and the result is nothing less than terrifying. Drifloon may look cute, but it has a tendency to tug on the hands of children to steal them away, only for it to get pulled around instead. That is its Pokédex entry for Pokémon Pearl, however, as later ones mention it abducting children and dragging them away to the afterlife. Game Freak don't shy away from a little body-shaming either, as Drifloon's Sun Dex entry says it dislikes heavy children. I guess Tierno has nothing to worry about, then. Not that I'm opposed to there being a real-life counterpart of Drifloon if that were possible, because I absolutely hate kids. They smell bad, don't listen to their parents, tend to get in your way whenever you have to be somewhere, make a complete mess out of everything, and as teenagers they're just a bunch of stuck-up, ungrateful know-it-alls. But above all, little kids are loud. I am hard of hearing and I absolutely loathe the agonizing sound of screaming children. The worst thing is that parents don't even know how to restrain their kids anymore nowadays, or they simply don't care; as a result, they just let them be and it irks me to no end. Drifloon would be doing us all a favor by taking them away from us, I swear. Too bad it dislikes heavy children, because those are the ones who tend to easily get spoiled by their parents.

TCG art of Drifloon that seems to fit its typing and flavor much better than the
piece of fan art above. 

Anyway, Drifloon's lightness causes it to float about aimlessly, earning it the nickname of "Signpost for Wandering Spirits", especially because its body is formed by the spirits of people and Pokémon. It can expand or shrink to express its feelings, but its soul will spill out with a screaming sound if its body bursts. Yikes. Its evolution Drifblim is even stronger, carrying full-grown people and Pokémon as it flies. However, it has no control over its flight and as a result of it only being able to drift, people tend to go missing. Even while under careful observation, large flocks of Drifblim flying at dusk will inexplicably disappear from view. I like to believe Drifblim are making themselves and those bad parents vanish while their baby Drifloon are taking care of the parents' annoying children, which would be a wonderful solution for human overpopulation if these Pokémon did indeed exist in real life.

Oh, if only Pokémon were real...

This fan art of Drifblim is strangely tranquil.

But the closest thing we come to 'real' Pokémon are immobile, inanimate plushies and action figures, otherwise we're restricted to using pixelated characters on a handheld video game console. In that regard, Drifblim is kind of a strange Pokémon. Its stats are unevenly distributed, with massive HP and decent special attack, but with mediocre attack and speed and absolutely terrible defenses; one strong super-effective attack is all you need to make this hot air balloon pop. The best you can do is to use it as a special attacker, rocking a Calm Mind set with moves like Shadow Ball, Thunderbolt and Psychic boosted by a Life Orb and a Modest nature (Timid isn't bad, either). Maybe you could replace one move with Rest and give Drifblim a Chesto Berry to hold so it wakes up immediately after using that move, which isn't a bad idea when you're facing a special attacker. It can even get a speed boost from consuming the berry due to one of its regular abilities, Unburden. If that's not your style, Will-O-Wisp is an option to badly cripple opposing Pokémon, as a burn causes an attack drop on the foe and renders Drifblim's defense somewhat passable. Hex instead of Shadow Ball works well in combination with Will-O-Wisp, but it's risky and tricky to pull off with Drifblim specifically.

Smogon mentions a physical Liechi Berry set, of course with Unburden, but Knock Off is literally the only good physical move it gets aside from Acrobatics, which only does massive damage after it consumes the berry in question. It's backed up by Substitute, Destiny Bond and possibly Tailwind, but I don't think it's all that effective. As far as special-attacking options go, a Calm Mind set is really the only way to go. Flare Boost is a hidden ability that raises the power of Drifblim's special moves by 50% when it's burned (probably a reference to its hot air balloon aesthetic), and while burns have been nerfed as of Gen. VII, the risk of burning your Pokémon with a Flame Orb when you can easily set up a Calm Mind is just not worth it.

Fan art of Drifblim as an actual blimp. This is hilarious!

I feel like a lot of the Gen. IV Pokémon don't really meet my expectations. Driblim has an interesting design and an awesome concept behind it, but it just isn't executed well stat-wise. I mean, its HP and defenses make sense, as balloons aren't really that sturdy to begin with, but why isn't it slower and physically weaker? With such few options in Diamond and Pearl (evolutions of Pokémon introduced in earlier generations weren't available until the post-game content or in Pokémon Platinum), you'd think Game Freak would kick it up a notch. Granted, Drifloon can only be caught in the Valley Windworks on Fridays - comparable to Lapras in Pokémon Gold and Silver - but no reason is given for that. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially since Drifloon and Drifblim can't control their movements according to their Dex entries, but I guess we'll have to make do with it. I really like Drifblim's design and flavor, though, so I guess a four-star rating is well-awarded here.

Rating: 4/5

#422 - #423: Shellos & Gastrodon

Today's Pokémon are the perfect embodiment of the sluggish pace at which I'm currently posting reviews, wouldn't you say? Expect me to post a lot less frequently from now on, as this here guy now has a job as a proofreader. I am so sorry, but I had such a heavy workload the past couple weeks that I didn't have any time writing something for this blog in the first place.

TCG art containing both of Shellos's forms, with the East Sea
Forme on the left and the West Sea Forme on the right.

Anyway, Shellos is based on the concept of allopatric speciation, specifically the vicariance model: an original population is separated by a geographic barrier, preventing the exchange of genetic information between the two populations (reproductive isolation) and resulting in the development of two different species (evolution). In that regard, this sea slug Pokémon based on chromodoris lochi comes in two different variants depending on where you are in Sinnoh, as the pink West Sea Forme can be found on the west side of the geographic barrier called Mt. Coronet and the blue East Sea Forme can only be caught on the other side of the mountain. It's just an aesthetic difference; neither Shellos has any special effect on the battles and/or overworld in the games, and there aren't any differences in their base stats. In fact, both forms are perfectly able to interbreed and the young inherit the mother's form. The only difference is in their Pokédex entries, and only as of Pokémon Sun and Moon: the pink West Sea Shellos secretes a purple mucus that sticks to the hands of those touching it and is troublesome to wash off, a trait that applied to both Shellos prior to Gen. VII and had a more generic description to begin with. The rest of Shellos's flavor mentions the fact that the color of its body depends on its diet and habitat (well, duh!).

That's it, really. There's literally nothing else to say about it, and I have the feeling Game Freak rushed this Pokémon a little. According to an interview with Ken Sugimori in Nintendo Power, Shellos and Gastrodon were originally intended for Ruby and Sapphire, but they weren't implemented due to time constraints. There are even early back sprites to be found of these Pokémon in the Diamond and Pearl game data, showing the West Sea Forme's pink color and bunch of fleshy head knobs and the East Sea Forme's wing-like appendages. The same can be said about Shellos's evolution Gastrodon, whose early back sprite is incredibly knobbly and doesn't even resemble the two forms of Gastrodon we're familiar with today. Basically, we just got the leftovers from the production period of Ruby and Sapphire, and other than a form difference they weren't given much of an attentive treatment.

3D art of Gastrodon's West Sea Forme.

Before I'm going to talk about Gastrodon, I have to say that I like that, wherever you are in the world, Shellos's name actually always refers to its lack of a shell, which... well, Gastrodon doesn't seem to have a shell, either, but of course its Pokédex entries contradict each other on that, too. That is something for a later time, though, as we're going to dig into Shellos's name origins first.

Japanese: Karanakushi (カラナクシ) is derived from kara, meaning 'shell', and nakushita and/or nashi, meaning 'to have lost' and 'without', respectively. The latter actually makes more sense.

English: Shellos contains 'shell' and 'loss' or 'lost', obviously referring to the fact that it doesn't have a shell. It also suggests that Shellos initially did have a shell, but assuming that its shell was lost as it grew might be a bit of a stretch.

French, German: Shellos's respective French and German names of Sancoki and Schalellos originate from sans coquille and schalenlos, wich literally mean 'without a shell'.

Korean: Kapjilmu (깝질무) contains kkapjil and mu - 'shell' and 'naught', respectively. Evidently, 'naught' refers to the absence of a shell on Shellos's body.

Mandarin Chinese: This is actually the strangest one, and the sole reason why I wanted to talk about Shellos's name origins. Wúkéhǎiniú (無殼海牛) literally means 'no shell manatee', while Gastrodon's Mandarin Chinese name Hǎiniúshòu (海牛獸) means 'manatee beast'. However, a manatee is commonly called a sea cow and is undoubtedly a mammal. Shellos and Gastrodon are based on sea slugs, which are obviously gastropods, so this whole manatee thing makes no sense, unless I'm actually missing something important here.

Eh, whatever. It's probably just a cultural thing.

Two East Sea Gastrodon chillin'.

Gastrodon itself isn't all that interesting, though. In ancient times its entire back was shielded by a sturdy shell, of which there are traces left in its cells, although it is also mentioned that its sturdy shell serves to protect its body. 'Serves', as in simple present tense rather than past tense. Come on, Game Freak, make up your goddamn mind. I know you're busy, but try to get rid of your inconsistencies for once. We're not stupid; give us a little credit here. As for the rest of its flavor, East Sea Forme's Sun and Moon entries mention researchers scouring the oceans of the world in search of a Gastrodon in a color never seen before, as well as experiments that are being conducted by scientists to discover what happens when a Gastrodon is raised in a location other than the sea where it was born. I have no idea what all of this has to do with East Sea Gastrodon specifically, but it's the only form available in Alola and I suspect the 'Gastrodon in a color never seen before' might as well refer to West Sea Gastrodon. In turn, West Sea Gastrodon has strong regenerative capabilities, so it will return to normal within a matter of hours if parts of it are bitten off by fish Pokémon. This was part of Gastrodon's general Dex entries before Sun and Moon, so I guess this trait isn't exclusive to West Sea Forme.

So, the bottom line is that giving the two Gastrodon forms separate Pokédex entries in Sun and Moon was absolutely not necessary.

West Sea Gastrodon chillin' on a cliff.

But Gastrodon has a base HP stat of 111, which is monstrous for HP standards, and base 68 and 82 defense and special defense, respectively. That makes it an excellent tank in battle, provided you use one with a Bold or Relaxed nature to buff up that defense stat. Trust me, it's necessary; in itself, a base 68 defense stat is in nothing to write home about, but a Bold nature and an excellent HP stat renders it more than useful in Gastrodon's case. Just heed grass-type moves, which deal quadruple damage due to its water/ground typing. The only thing about Gastrodon is that it is a pretty straightforward Pokémon with a rather predictable moveset most of the time, despite its versatility. It often carries Recover, Toxic, Scald and either Earth Power or Earthquake; it is genuinely the best moveset for Gastrodon, as it can heal itself with Recover - which is irritating to your opponent when you let it hold the Leftovers - and hit back with STAB moves like Earth Power and Scald. The latter also has a chance to burn the opposing Pokémon, which only adds to Gastrodon's physical bulk due to the attack cut a burn causes. Those are not the only options Gastrodon has, however: it learns useful moves such as Mirror Coat, Counter, Ice Beam, Sludge Bomb, Sludge Wave, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Clear Smog, Curse, Waterfall and Surf. Its special attack is a base 92, which in combination with its bulk is nothing to really sneeze at, although its base 83 attack and access to Curse might prove to be more helpful to you. If you want to spice up the game a little, Gastrodon is not a bad Pokémon to do that with. Of course, make sure its ability is Storm Drain at all times; not only does this ability make it immune to water-type moves, it also raises its special attack when hit by one. Sticky Hold is useful when you really don't want your item knocked off, but otherwise it is to be avoided, as is Gastrodon's hidden ability Sand Force. This powers up all of its ground-, rock- and steel-type moves in a sandstorm, but Gastrodon isn't that much of a powerhouse in the first place, so I wouldn't bother with it.

I especially like the background here.

Shellos and Gastrodon are no more than okay as far as Pokémon go. I'm not sold on their designs, but I don't carry a hatred or dislike towards it, either. On the contrary, even, because I think Gastrodon's competitive capabilities redeem its bland design a little. I do think the whole East Sea and West Sea differences are a little bit unnecessary, but I guess I can look past that, as it's not a pressing matter to me or something. I would give it 3 stars as a whole, but I guess I cannot put it on the same level with that ridiculous Overcast Forme of Cherrim (which only got 3 stars because of its cute Sunshine Forme), so I'll give it half a star extra instead.

Rating: 3.5/5

#420 - #421: Cherubi & Cherrim

I feel like Gen. IV definitely introduced the largest batch of forgettable Pokémon. I keep failing to remember Finneon and Lumineon are a thing, while I am indifferent towards Buizel and Floatzel; Pokémon like Kricketune, Mothim and Skuntank are easily overlooked, even though I personally really like them; this generation's legendary trio are by far the least used in the competitive metagame; and I feel like stand-alone Pokémon like Carnivine and Chatot don't bring much to the table other than a couple of gimmicky features.

Three basic-stage grass-type Pokémon with the same fucking
face. My GOD, maybe Game Freak and Nintendo are running out
of ideas after all! ;)

But taking home the gold for being the most forgettable Gen. IV Pokémon are Cherubi and Cherrim. Cherubi is just a pre-evolution and so it's not the little guy's fault, but let's be honest: it's literally just a cherry with a second head hanging from its stem. The head isn't sentient and is vestigial in terms of function, but it contains nutrients that contribute to Cherubi's growth as its initial source of food and is apparently very tasty, as several other Pokémon have been observed trying to pluck it off. When the second head begins to bloom, Cherubi is close to evolving into Cherrim... who is nothing but a bud with a pair of feet. This is Cherrim's Overcast Forme, which is its standard form under normal weather conditions and looks like it should be a middle-stage evolution. It only transforms into its Sunshine Forme in harsh sunlight, which doesn't make sense aesthetically: all of a sudden its feet are yellow instead of a deep pink, its eyes are on its head - where they belong - rather than near its feet, and the large purple petals it has as a bud are now small, light pink ones. And then it changes back into its standard Overcast Forme when the sunlight subsides...? I don't get this Pokémon at all. Yes, I know that cherry blossom trees are a staple of the Japanese landscape, and a Pokémon based on these was long overdue, but that doesn't justify creating a Pokémon that doesn't make a lick of sense, at least in my own humble and insignificant opinion. Photonastic traits are not uncommon in plants, but I don't think they change appearance the way Cherrim does.

Huh? Why are those cherry blossoms moving? 

Cherrim, I'm directly talking to you right now: I don't understand you. Why don't you stay in your Sunshine Forme (obviously call it something else, then) and be happy forever instead of being a docile, miserable bud for the majority of your life? You're a Pokémon, a magical being; you're not going to turn deciduous. Not as far as I know, at least.

Nice fan art of Cherrim's Sunshine Forme.

To the reader: don't even think about using this thing in competitive play, because it is absolutely terrible. Should you decide to use it for some unspecified reason, you're in for a bumpy ride: its base stat total of 450, of which its best stats are its base 87 special attack and base 85 speed, renders it pretty much useless. With mediocre offense and speed as well as very mediocre bulk, Cherrim should be avoided at all costs. It's a decent in-game Pokémon, though, with access to hard-hitting STAB moves like Petal Dance and Energy Ball, as well as type coverage in Dazzling Gleam. It gets Weather Ball through breeding, so maybe a sun strategy might work should you decide to use a bred Cherubi/Cherrim in a new playthrough: Sunny Day to set up harsh sunlight, Solar Beam for instant STAB damage (charges up a turn first when the weather conditions are normal), Weather Ball for 100-power fire-type damage (it's a 50-power normal-type move in normal weather conditions), and Dazzling Gleam for fairy-type coverage. This strategy does make Cherrim extra vulnerable to fire types, so it might not be the smartest idea, but at least it's an in-game option for you to consider. I guess it's something, although there are much better grass-type Pokémon to choose from.

3D art of Cherrim's Overcast and Sunshine Formes. 

I don't like how Cherrim's two forms are nothing alike. The incredible thing is that I don't hate the design of its Sunshine Forme at all, as I think it's actually pretty cute. It's just... what purpose does this Pokémon serve? You'll almost always see it in its Overcast Forme, as extraordinary weather conditions in-game are pretty rare, and even then you'll rarely encounter Cherrim. It was also a hassle to get, as the only way to obtain Cherubi in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum was to slather Honey on trees and wait six hours for a Pokémon to appear. Not Cherubi specifically; no, a randomly generated Pokémon. That's just not worth it.

Overall, I'm giving Cherrim 3 stars, only because its ridiculous Overcast Forme exists. 

P.S.: Don't get me started about that so-called marijuana reference in Cherubi's National Pokédex number, just because this Pokémon is a grass type. I am aware of it and I think it's stupid. Cherubi makes you high as much as Vivillion is the spawn of Satan or Bellsprout an actual reference to a blowjob. So, in other words: not at all.

Rating: 3/5

#418 - #419: Buizel & Floatzel

It's been exactly two weeks since I last updated this blog, and I have only one reason for my absence: I just didn't feel like writing anything. I need a break sometimes too, guys!

Official art of Buizel by Ken Sugimori, which is courtesy of none other than
Nintendo and The Pokémon Company, even when it's mirrored.

Anyway, today's topic is Buizel, and by extension its evolution Floatzel. To be honest, I've never thought much about Buizel and Floatzel; they've never appealed to me all that much, but they've never offended me in the slightest, either - unlike a certain other Gen. IV Pokémon I don't even want to call by its actual name. Buizel and Floatzel were just... there. They're still just there, and I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing, because failing to evoke any response or emotion from people other than indifference is not going to make them remember that these Pokémon exist in the first place. Not easily, anyway. At least Pelipper will always be remembered for being an obnoxious little shit - and I believe it was created to purposely trigger people, but that's beside the point. To a certain degree, Game Freak are doing an excellent job when they create a Pokémon that summons feelings of rage and/or resentment in the fandom, although being indifferent towards a certain Pokémon probably has a much better effect on your blood pressure in the long run.

Two happy Buizel. 

Buizel's design is... interesting. This mustelid with fins has a large yellow flotation sac around its neck that it can inflate whenever necessary, but as it's a pure water type you'd think it wouldn't need that flotation device, right? Maybe it has trouble keeping its head out of the water when on the lookout for prey, and the inflatable collar keeps it afloat. I don't want to nitpick, but we've seen weirder aquatic mammalian Pokémon that could stay afloat or keep their heads above water without a flotation device just fine. Plus, they don't have the downside of this device collapsing when they go diving. The thing is that Buizel and Floatzel's designs are commonly believed to have been derived from river otters (even though its German name Bojelin is derived from Hermelin, the German word for 'stoat' or 'ermine', and I personally believe they look more like weasels), so I don't really understand why the whole buoy aspect was integrated in their designs in the first place, but oh well. The two tails Buizel has are used to propel itself through the water by rotating them like a screw, though, making it an agile swimmer nonetheless. Floatzel's flotation device is more like a buoyant vest, although the life jacket theory can be thrown overboard - pun most definitely intended - when it's laying on its back in the water, as the flotation sac could be interpreted as a dinghy instead, especially when Floatzel uses its tails as a propeller and its fins as oars. As opposed to Buizel, however, Floatzel apparently has more control over its flotation device, being able to deflate it when diving and inflate it once again when it wishes to resurface. It is therefore often used as a lifeguard Pokémon to assist in the rescues of drowning people.

Now that I think about it, Floatzel makes a whole lot more sense than Buizel...

Bijschrift toevoegen

How does Floatzel fare in the competitive scene, though? Well, while it is very strong and speedy physical attacker, it is as fragile as a porcelain vase. Its base 85 HP can't save its garbage base 55 and 50 defenses, which means it will almost always be knocked out instantly when hit by a super-effective or STAB attack, and definitely when it's a super-effective STAB attack. Even though its only weaknesses are electric and grass and grass-type moves aren't prevalent in the competitive metagame, the chances of Floatzel surviving a hit are pretty slim. That's why you should let your Floatzel attack before it gets hit, rocking a powerful Jolly nature and a Choice Band or Life Orb as its held item. You don't have a whole lot of choices when it comes to moves, unfortunately: Waterfall, Ice Punch and Aqua Jet are must-haves, while Aqua Tail, Pursuit, Crunch, Brick Break, Low Kick and Iron Tail are the only other viable physical-based options for you to consider. I gravitate more towards Crunch or Brick Break, for the sake of type coverage as well as strength and accuracy. Lastly, make sure Floatzel has its hidden ability Water Veil, which prevents it from getting burned, as the speed boost in the rain that it gets from Swift Swim is purely situational, unless you use it on a rain team.

Also, Smogon mentions special movesets for Floatzel, and I don't understand why. Yes, moves like Hydro Pump and Focus Blast are stronger than Waterfall and Brick Break, but they are also inaccurate and therefore more unreliable than you'd prefer. Most of the time you're better off using physical attacks due to Floatzel's superior attack stat as well as Waterfall and Brick Break's beneficial secondary effects.

GIF of two Buizel and two Floatzel jumping out of the water.

Like I said, I was - and I am still - indifferent towards both Buizel and Floatzel. I know Ash owned a Buizel, but that's not going to improve my rating at all. I have never seen the Diamond and Pearl saga of the anime to begin with, so I wouldn't know what this Buizel was actually like when being with Ash, and if I recall correctly, Buizel originally wasn't even Ash's Pokémon. He traded his Aipom for Dawn's Buizel, because Aipom was more interested in Dawn's Contest-oriented training and Buizel was more interested in Ash's training for Gym battles, which I also mentioned in Aipom and Ambipom's review. I wrote that article more than 15 months ago, so kudos to me for actually remembering that. As for Floatzel... Well, it does have an interesting design and flavor, and it's definitely not a terrible Pokémon to use competitively, so I guess I could spare it 3.5 stars for being a more-than-decent Pokémon all around. Personally, I'm just not interested in using it in any way possible.

Some Pokémon just aren't my cup of tea, even though there's absolutely nothing negative I can say about them. I guess Floatzel is one of them.

Rating: 3.5/5

#417: Pachirisu

I shall never underestimate Pachirisu in my life ever again, that's for sure.

Adorable little Pachi running around in an open field.

While Plusle and Minun served the purpose of showing the synergy between certain Pokémon in Double Battles, Pachirisu seems to represent Gen. IV's connectivity to the Internet: its color pattern matches that of the official Nintendo Wi-Fi logo, its face marking and the spikes on its tail both bear resemblances to a W, and it appeared on the Wi-Fi connection screen on Diamond, Pearl and Platinum. Characteristically, Pachirisu is nothing more than an electric-type squirrel doing squirrel things... with a creative twist. Pachirisu sheds its fur, which it shapes into statically charged furballs. It hides its favorite foods -mostly berries - in these furballs, after which it proceeds to store them in tree holes. If a human or another Pokémon tries to take the food, they will get shocked from the static, so it does so to protect the food. Pachi is more than just a bunch of fluff making furballs crackling with electricity, though; it also rubs its cheek pouches against those of others of its kind in order to exchange stored electricity, it grooms its fluffy tail with the utmost precision, and it uses its impeccably spotless tail as a pillow by curling it around the front of its body.

D'awww, isn't it cute? 

There's nothing overly exciting about Pachirisu, other than the fact that the audience went wild when Sejun Park (officially Park Se-jun; in South Korea - as well as in quite a few other Asian countries - the family name comes before the given name) won the 2014 Pokémon World Championships with none other than Pachirisu on his team. He even took a small Pachi plushie onto the stage with him as a lucky charm. That is not to say you can freely create a competitive set for Pachirisu and expect it to work as amazingly as it did for Park, as the Pokémon World Championships are played in a Doubles format and that is exactly the format in which Pachi has a chance to excel. I usually talk about Singles when I mention competitive sets in my reviews, but I guess talking about Doubles is unavoidable in this case. Pachi's job is to lead incoming attacks away from its ally and draw them to itself with Follow Me, even healing some HP with a Sitrus Berry in a pinch, only for the more powerful ally to hit the two opposing Pokémon hard and fast without getting hurt. Surprisingly enough, Pachirisu possesses some substantial bulk to pull that off, but only when it has a defense-boosting nature and most EVs are invested in HP and defense. Rounding out its moveset are Protect for stalling, Super Fang to take away half of the opposing Pokémon's remaining HP, and Nuzzle to paralyze the foe. The latter even deals some damage, potentially breaking a Focus Sash or Sturdy, which is why this move is only available to Pikachu clones. In a one-on-one format, however, Pachirisu is considerably less usable. Its bulk works perfectly in Doubles, when attacks that hit multiple opponents are significantly weaker, but in Singles it still can't take a full-power STAB Earthquake from a Garchomp to the face.

Pika and Pachi rubbing their cheeks together. Look at these bundles of sheer
adorableness! 

I'm impressed Sejun Park actually managed to win the Pokémon World Championships due in large part to Pachirisu, catching opponents off guard and this way gaining momentum because they were unprepared, but there's just no way in hell that this Pokémon can be used effectively in-game or even in the Singles metagame - in-game because its base 45 offensive stats render it too weak, and in Singles because its bulk and utility moves fall too short in order for them to be effective. Pachirisu has the lowest base stat total of any Pokémon that was part of a winning team at the Pokémon World Championships, and that shows when using it in any way other than Doubles. It's still cute in its own right, though.

Rating: 4.5/5

#415 - #416: Combee & Vespiquen

Combee's hexagonal shape perfectly lends it for locking together
with others of its kind, thus forming a 'wall'. There is even a shiny
Combee thrown into the mix. 

So now it's time to introduce the most useless Pokémon in the history of the entire franchise: male Combee. While Combee is pretty weak in itself, Pokémon that are equally weak or even weaker are often still able to evolve into more superior versions of themselves. Male Combee are based on drones, male bees in a bee hive that are the products of unfertilized eggs and serve to mate with a fertile queen bee. Unlike the female worker bees, drones don't have stingers and do not gather nectar and pollen. This is exactly the reason why only female Combee evolve into Vespiquen, which wouldn't be a problem if the gender ratio hadn't been 87,5% to 12,5%, with male Combee notably dominating the scene. In Diamond and Pearl, it was a very elaborate and tedious task to get Vespiquen, as Combee only appeared in Honey trees. In order to catch one, you had to slather Honey on designated trees and wait at least six fucking hours before a Pokémon appeared. Even then you couldn't be sure you'd get the right species of Pokémon - which is determined at the time a tree is slathered, so saving the game and resetting doesn't work - and if you did manage to get a Combee, you would have to get a female one in order for you to get Vespiquen at all. It's too much of a hassle for a Pokémon that isn't even that good in the first place, but whatever...

Some nice fan art of female Combee.

Admittedly, Combee's design is fairly interesting, aesthetically reminiscent to honey bees (well, duh!) as well as honeycombs. Combee is composed of three pieces of orange hexagonal honeycomb, and each hexagon has its own round face. The bottom-center one is the main thinker of the three and is also the only one to have a red mark on its forehead (if female) and a full abdomen, while the top two 'bees' coordinate the flying. Combee is almost always found collecting nectar, carrying it from flower to flower or taking it to its colony to please the queen, although the collected floral honey can have other purposes as well. When not gathering honey, it sleeps or protects its queen, which it does so by risking it life and recklessly attack any threats or by creating a hive with other Combee and locking together into some kind of wall.

Big bad Vespiquen comin' at ya.

Speaking of queens, the English name of Vespiquen is the only one referring to wasps rather than bees. It comes from vespa, which is Latin for wasp, although it's also the name given to a genus of wasps - specifically hornets. Granted, Vespiquen's black and slender waist connecting its abdomen and round upper body kinda give it the aesthetic of a paper wasp. More than anything, however, it seems to embody an entire beehive, not only because it's the queen bee or looks like real-life queens in some ways - the horn-like projections on its head resemble a hairstyle historically favored by early medieval-period English queens, and its lower body looks like an elegant ballroom gown - but also because there are honeycomb-like cells underneath its abdomen that serve as a nest for its grubs, making them do its bidding by excreting various pheromones while fighting foes. This manifests itself in-game in the fact that Vespiquen has access to no fewer than three signature moves, complete with animations that show several regular-looking bees performing a type of action: Attack Order to attack the foe for base 90 bug-type damage, Defend Order to raise Vespiquen's defense and special defense by one stage each, and Heal Order to recover half of Vespiquen's HP.

Vespiquen surrounded by its slaves. 

Unfortunately, Vespiquen's stats don't allow it to hit very hard or defend very well. Its base 80 offensive stats are okay for in-game purposes, but competitively they're practically unusable. On top of that, its base 102 defenses are backed up by a base 70 HP stat that could be considered no more than just okay, and its speed is just downright terrible. Also, Vespiquen has a quadruple weakness to rock due to its bug/flying type, and as Stone Edge and Rock Slide are prevalent in competitive play, it's bound to take one to the face eventually. Smogon mentions an offensive utility set supported by a Timid nature and a Life Orb, but do you really want that? You can probably 2HKO pretty much everything with a Bug Buzz when you're doing a regular playthrough, but a base 80 special attack stat really won't suffice in the competitive scene. In addition to that, Vespiquen is too slow to execute the utility part in 'offensive utility', so it won't be able to set up Tailwind effectively or take down a foe quickly with Destiny Bond, let alone do anything worthwhile with something else from its terribly shallow support movepool. It does get Defog, but only in the Gen. IV games, so you'd have to transfer it all the way from Diamond and Pearl to Sun and Moon. Not the worth the hassle. So, should you round out its moveset with two more special moves instead? Ironically, Vespiquen is able to learn the special-based rock-type move Power Gem naturally, while Sludge Bomb (via TM) might be a good option for the fairy types running around in competitive lately. A better option is to just make it physically defensive with a Bold nature and give it the Leftovers, but that's kind of redundant with such a terrible support movepool at its disposal.

Sadly, that's it. You could opt to go for a physical set instead, but the only good physical-based moves Vespiquen learns are Attack Order, X-Scissor and Acrobatics, the latter of which forces you to omit its held item from the set. And that's just... not favorable in the slightest, to say the least.

Funny fan art of Vespiquen seducing Beedrill. 

I like Vespiquen, I really do, but some Pokémon are designed or executed in such a way that makes them terrible while they were clearly supposed to be good. Vespiquen is one of them, and it's difinitely a pity it underwhelms me to some degree; I mean, its design and concept are sure interesting, but I boxed it in one of my Pokémon X playthroughs in favor of... well, Mothim, of all things. That Pokémon has something of an edge over Vespiquen due to its higher speed and access to Quiver Dance, and for some reason it also has far superior offensive stats. If anything, Vespiquen should have been a little bit faster and specially offensive in exchange for losing some of its physical attack, as I think it has no reason at all to have equally mediocre attacking stats in the first place, but that's probably none of my beeswax.

Rating: 4/5

#412 - #414: Burmy, Wormadam & Mothim

Burmy feeling uncomfortable losing its cloak.

As if the Gen. II Pokémon Pineco and Forretress weren't enough already, Diamond and Pearl gave us more bagworm Pokémon in the form of Burmy and Wormadam. Unlike Pineco, however, Burmy doesn't blow up in your face as early as level 6, nor does it have any useful moves in its level-up moveset. In fact, Burmy just uses Protect to avoid any damage on its persona, annoying players all around the world. This Pokémon learns a grand total of six moves, two of which can only be learned through a Move Tutor in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, so basically the only thing it can do is stall the player out and do nothing in particular. That sounds contradictory, but it's not. As Burmy is vulnerable in its bare form, it composes a cloak made of twigs and leaves that is thinner in hot weather and thicker in the winter in order to shelter itself from cold and wintry winds. It doesn't always stay in the same form, however: if its cloak gets broken, Burmy quickly remakes it with materials nearby. This manifests itself in the games quite well, as Burmy takes on a specific kind of cloak based on the location where it last 'battled' - Plant Cloak (green) in grassy areas, Sandy Cloak (beige) in caves or on beaches, or Trash Cloak (pink) in buildings.

Female Burmy evolve into Wormadam (bottom left), while male
Burmy evolve into Mothim (bottom right). 

Changing its cloak doesn't change the fact that it is a bug type, nor does it gain him an additional type on top of its bug typing. However, its cloak does have an effect on wich typing its evolution Wormadam ends up with when it evolves at level 20: Plant Cloak Wormadam is bug/grass, Sandy Cloak Wormadam is bug/ground, and Trash Cloak Wormadam is bug/steel. The cloak is now part of Wormadam's body and is never shed, and therefore this Pokémon cannot change its typing at will; it will always stay in the same form. Apart from their distinctive typings, the different forms of Wormadam also have their own unique base stat distributions: Plant Cloak is more specially oriented, Sandy Cloak is more physically oriented, and Trash Cloak takes a more defensive approach. Not that it matters much, because in this case, physically or specially oriented means a mediocre attack or special attack stat as well as a good defense or special defense stat backed up by a mediocre HP stat. A physically oriented Wormadam is terrible anyway, so Sandy Cloak is out. Trash Cloak is moderately defensive with its base 95 defense and special defense, but its HP is still lackluster and it can't attack for shit with those bad offensive stats, so that one is also out of the running. That means Plant Cloak is the only remaining Wormadam form, and with base 79 special attack and 105 special defense - along with access to Quiver Dance and a decent special movepool - it is the only one who is somewhat viable for an in-game team.

Yo, these moth Pokémon are drawn so well. Great style!
Clockwise starting from the top left: Dustox, Mothim,
Venomoth and Volcarona, with Masquerain in the middle. 

But as Burmy is based on a bagworm pupa that will metamorphose into a moth if male or remain a pupa-like creature if female, it also has another evolution. Only female Burmy evolve into Wormadam; male Burmy evolve into Mothim, who is - indeed - a moth Pokémon. It is one of the better ones in my opinion, especially compared to Venomoth and Dustox, but I guess I'm a little biased because I used one in a Pokémon X playthrough and I enjoyed it tremendously. Not only do I like its design and color scheme better than any one of the Wormadam, its stat distribution is far more workable, too: it has base 94 attack and special attack as well as slightly more HP and a significantly higher speed stat than Wormadam. Its base 66 speed stat still isn't anything to write home about, mind you, but it's pretty decent after a Quiver Dance boost and allows it to actually outspeed some things. And shit, does this thing have an awesome moveset for a goddamn moth; Bug Buzz, Air Slash and Psychic are level-up moves and will suffice to complete its moveset, although it also learns Energy Ball and Shadow Ball by means of TMs and Electroweb and Giga Drain when you take it to the Move Tutor in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. Too bad Mothim is so frail, but I guess it's a far more efficient Quiver Dance user than Wormadam. I wouldn't recommend using it competitively, but it makes for a more-than-decent addition to any in-game team.

Mothim in the anime series.

The only thing that really bugs me about Wormadam is that it learns Confusion, Psybeam and Psychic by level-up as well as Dream Eater by TM, which applies to all Wormadam forms and implies they all should have been part psychic, but absolutely nothing in their designs and/or flavor implicates that they have any psychic abilities. Mothim learns them also, but it's not uncommon for Game Freak to give moth and butterfly Pokémon psyhic-type moves like Confusion and Psybeam, to name a few. Wormadam, on the other hand, has no business knowing those moves and cannot make use of them effectively. It's fucking dumb, really.

A more realistic interpretation of Mothim. Although its body is now reduced to a
fluffy ball, I still think it's cute.

I don't hate Wormadam. If anything, I'm impartial towards it - I can't say that I'm the biggest fan of this Pokémon, but it's here now and I'm bothered by neither its design nor its flavor. Burmy and Wormadam are a sensible take on the traditional bagworm, only with a twist; even the pink Trash Cloak Wormadam with its bug/steel typing makes a certain amount of sense, as its cloak is based on the pink-colored building insulation material made of fiberglass. Mothim makes the exact same amount of sense as Wormadam, and even though it's nothing else but the zillionth bug/flying type, there are so many more things that I love about it, including its shiny coloration.

Oh man, can I just say that its shiny is downright gorgeous? It's definitely one of my favorites so far.

Rating Wormadam: 3/5

Rating Mothim: 5/5