#511 - #512: Pansage & Simisage

The Striaton City Gym Leaders with their elemental monkeys.
From left to right: Cress (from 'watercress') with his water-type
monkey Panpour, Chili with his fire-type monkey Pansear, and
Cilan (from 'cilantro', which is what Americans call coriander)
with his grass-type monkey Pansage.

Holy crap, why does everybody despise these monkeys so much? I mean, I know Pansage, Pansear and Panpour aren't the most original Pokémon in the franchise, but Gen. V basically served as a sort of reboot of the series and a couple of elemental monkeys was Game Freak's brave attempt to teach new and inexperienced players the basics of the type system. While the first Gym usually revolved around rock types prior to Black and White (Brock in Gen. I, Roxanne in Gen. III, and Roark in Gen. IV), the Striaton City Gym had no fewer than three Gym Leaders and you had to fight the one who had the elemental monkey with a type advantage over your starter Pokémon. However, there's an area next to Striaton City called the Dreamyard, where an NPC would give you the elemental monkey that was strong against the one of the Gym Leader you had to fight. More complex type advantages were yours to figure out as the game progressed, but it was a great way to introduce this basic concept to people who were new to the franchise. Of course, this has more to do with gameplay mechanics and less with the designs and origins of the monkeys in question, but even then there are Pokémon that are far worse than Pansage, Pansear and Panpour and their evolutions, so I'm wondering whether the hate for them is justified even a little bit.

Even though Simisage is a grass type, it does look the most
intimidating compared to its counterparts.

I guess the biggest issue most Pokémon fans have with the three elemental monkeys - well, six, but there are three evolutionary lines - is that they're basically the same Pokémon, design-wise and competitively. The fans aren't entirely wrong: Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all have the same base stats and pretty much the same movepool, aside from the different elemental attacks specific to their types. Simisage, the grass-type monkey, therefore works the same way as its elemental counterparts, only with other weaknesses, resistances and type advantages. I don't know if I would recommend Simisage in a competitive setting, because it's quite frail and not very strong, but its base 98 attacking stats aren't so bad you can't do anything with them and its base 101 speed makes it pretty fast. It's better to use it in-game and give it the best physical attacks possible, especially since its special movepool is quite lacking, but I guess a Life Orb or Choice Scarf set with a Jolly nature should do the trick... for a while. Seed Bomb is a strong physical grass-type attack that will hit anything that doesn't resist it quite hard, Gunk Shot is handy to have for fairy types and other grass types, Knock Off is never bad as it gets rid of a foe's item aside from Mega Stones and Z-Crystals (although Crunch or Throat Chop might be more reliable in the end), and Superpower - as well as Low Kick and Brick Break - is a nifty fighting-type move that deals with steel types. Should you have a need for it, Simisage also learns Iron Tail, Rock Slide and Acrobatics, the latter being a base 55 move that gets doubled if the user isn't holding any item.

As for abilities, all of the elemental monkeys get Gluttony as their regular ability, although they could get the starters' signature abilities as their hidden ability depending on their type. As Simisage won't be holding any berry to use up prematurely anytime soon, Overgrow - which boosts grass-type moves by 50% whenever Simisage's HP is at 33% or lower - is the preferred ability here.

Speak no evil.

However, I don't agree with the fans when they say the elemental monkeys all look the same. Sure, it is obvious some design aspects of Pansage and Simisage were reused in Pansear, Simisear, Panpour and Simipour's designs, but this was done to all make them heavily associated as a group. The fact of the matter is that the three evolutionary lines all have different color schemes, hairstyles and flavor texts, which is exactly why I'm reviewing them separately. Even Latias and Latios, who are frickin' legendary Pokémon, look more alike than the elemental monkeys do. They do all share the same origins, though, as they are based on the Japanese tale of the three wise monkeys that together embody the proverbial principle of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", often used to refer to those who deal with impropriety by turning a blind eye. Pansage and Simisage are based on the latter, which becomes apparent when you look at their names: the suffix -sage is probably derived from the German word sagen, meaning 'to say', although 'sage' may as well refer to a type of plant or a wise person, the latter possibly relating to the 'three wise monkeys' motif all elemental monkeys share.

Simisage looking ready to kick someone's ass.

But the idea here is that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys, with Simisage failing to speak no evil, which is why it is suggested that they are all modeled after Japanese delinquents. I'll talk about the other two later this month, but Simisage seems to be based on yankii (indeed derived from 'yankee'), a Japanese subculture and suburban youth movement that embraces American trashiness, hence Simisage's pompadour haircut and appearance of wearing a leather jacket. Loud, rude and foul-mouthed, yankii openly reject the rigidity of societal norms and welcome rebellion and class distinction, which is probably why Simisage also looks the most like a ruffian compared to Simisear and Simipour and why it is definitely my favorite of the three.

Pansage starts out innocent enough, as it often offers other Pokémon the leaves on its head, which have the power to alleviate exhaustion and relieve stress. Upon evolving into Simisage by use of a Leaf Stone, it grows ill-tempered and fights by swinging its thorn-covered tail around wildly, while the leaves that grow on its crest become incredibly bitter. Oh Pansage, where did you go wrong?

3D art of Simisage.

While I have to admit that Simisear and Simipour look quite silly, it is not really the reason why I love Simisage so much more. I've actually quite bonded with Simisage when I did a grass mono-type playthrough of Pokémon Y, to be honest. I nicknamed my Pokémon after characters from The Walking Dead, but as my Chespin was a lady, it was the Pansage I caught shortly after the start of my adventure who got named Rick and actually carried the team through the entire game. It was a true leader. But the most important reason why I love Simisage so much is that I think it just has a better design overall. Like I said before, it looks more like a ruffian and less like a goofy caricature than its elemental counterparts do, and its intimidating looks make it look cool in some way. Goofiness has its charm, but in this case the cool kid takes the trophy home.

Rating: 5/5

#509 - #510: Purrloin & Liepard

Conveniently enough, the dog and cat Pokémon of the fifth generation can be found back to back in the Unova Pokédex, but the deceptive and miscreant Purrloin and its evolution Liepard couldn't differ any more from the timid and trustworthy Lillipup and its evolutions Herdier and Stoutland even if they wanted to, which I think is doubtful at best.

For some stupid-ass reason, Purrloin is always seen standing
upright in media other than its official art and Gen. V in-game
sprites.

You see, Purrloin is all about getting its victims to let their guard down by putting up a cute act so that it can steal their possessions, just to see the looks on their faces. Due to its charm, it is even forgiven easily when it is caught in the act, so it probably doesn't even see a reason to change its behavior anytime soon. It's just the nature of the beast. Even most of its names across the globe are a play on the word 'steal' - or a synonym thereof - and Páshǒumāo (扒手貓), literally 'pickpocket cat', is by far the most ingenious. Meow. It's a shame Purrloin's felonious nature is dropped when it evolves into Liepard, who gets more of a generic wildcat flavor. As it could draw inspiration from leopards and possibly other spotted wildcats like the leopard cat, ocelot, serval and even the black panther due to it being a dark type and having a dark coloration, it is unsurprising that Liepard's beautiful and slender physical characteristics are at the center of its Pokédex entries. Many Trainers are drawn to its fur and its beautiful form, the latter of which comes from the muscles it has developed and allows it to to run silently in the night, stealthily sneaking up on its target and striking from behind before its victim has a chance to react. It's even been known to vanish and reappear without a warning.

No need to act all haughty, Liepard. What's the problem,
didn't your Trainer provide you the right brand of cat food?

But however cunning Liepard may be, you know you're having a hard time in the competitive scene as an unscrupulous and merciless dark-type cat when you're easily outclassed by a timid and loyal normal-type dog. While Stoutland isn't fast, it is at least able to take a hit and retaliate appropriately, but the only redeeming quality Liepard has is its speed. Its base 88 attacking stats aren't the worst in the metagame, but you should at least have a bit of bulk to back up relatively mediocre offensive stats like that, which Liepard doesn't. That's a problem. I know it has access to its hidden ability Prankster, which lets it act first when it's using a status move, but you'll probably only be able to get off one attack due to Liepard's atrocious defenses. If anything, I would go for a set including a Jolly nature and a Focus Sash, with moves like Fake Out, Knock Off, Thunder Wave and something like Taunt, Encore or Copycat. Fake Out is a weak normal-type move, but it always goes first and some chip damage could turn the game into your favor in the end; Knock Off is pretty much Liepard's best STAB move, as it also knocks off the foe's held item (duh!); Thunder Wave paralyzes the foe and is affected by Prankster; and Encore locks the foe into an undesirable move if played right. Taunt and Copycat are options as well, but Taunt limits the foe to using only offensive moves, which is exactly what you don't want for Liepard unless you specifically meant for it to be death fodder, and Copycat is a status move that lets Liepard copy the move an opponent used last in order to revenge kill them if they're faster. It's gimmicky, but if you can manage to make it work, more power to you.

TCG art of Liepard. It is beautiful and it damn well knows that, too. 

Smogon also mentions weather utility sets (with Rain Dance or Sunny Day while holding a Damp Rock or Heat Rock, respectively) and even a Choice Band set, but... meh? I guess a weather set has its uses, but a Choice Band set isn't particularly recommended due to Liepard's mediocre physical attack and cardboard defenses. You don't even have to worry about its regular abilities, because you won't even need them. Unburden doubles Liepard's speed when its held item is used up (not knocked off), but Liepard doesn't really get anything that it can use effectively this way, aside from maybe a Focus Sash. Limber prevents Liepard from getting paralyzed, but opponents will want to attack it and get rid of it as quickly as possible anyway, so this ability is pretty much useless. Liepard does excel in playthroughs, though. While it has access to both Nasty Plot and Dark Pluse, its physical movepool is actually so much better, and when I did an all-feline playthrough of Omega Ruby I used a Liepard rocking Night Slash (I would totally replace that for Throat Chop now, but that move wasn't around back then), Play Rough, Gunk Shot and Seed Bomb. It is able to learn a few more coverage moves as well, but I just wanted to give you an idea of how diverse its physical movepool actually is and how good it can be in-game. I honestly had so much fun using one in Omega Ruby.

Badass TCG art of Liepard.

It genuinely sucks that Liepard sucks competitively, because I absolutely love this Pokémon. While I like Delcatty and Purugly to some extent, they are kind of bland, and Meowstic hasn't really found a place in my heart, either. Liepard is absolutely one of the better feline Pokémon in the game design-wise: its slender body, its graceful stance, its purple color scheme, its blood-red shiny form and its subtle body features such as the pink 'mask' and the sickle-like tail... my goodness, Game Freak have really stepped up their game with the fifth generation. I could go on like this, but I think I'd bore you to death if I did so, so I'll just conclude this review by awarding Liepard a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5

#506 - #508: Lillipup, Herdier & Stoutland

Readers who have visited my blog consistently over the past three years probably remember that I love cats and that I'm not the biggest fan of dogs. However, I feel like canine Pokémon are generally better than feline Pokémon, with Pokémon like Arcanine, Houndoom, Granbull, Lucario and - according to my crystal ball - Lycanroc all getting a perfect rating from me (but if you want to find out what rating Stoutland's getting, you'll have to scroll down or just keep reading).

Isn't it adorable, though?

Strangely enough, Lillipup and its kin are the first normal-type dogs we encounter in the National Pokédex. Of course, Snubbull and Granbull were normal types prior to Gen. VI, but they are now technically pure fairy types and have been since the type's introduction in X and Y in 2013. Lillipup is a cute little pupper that is popular among Trainers who live in apartment buildings because it doesn't yelp, while it is the perfect Pokémon for aspiring and beginning Trainers because it's intelligent, obedient to its master's demands and easy to raise. Its intelligence allows it to realize in time when it's at a disadvantage in a fight, only to turn tail and vamoose. However, when a foe is strong enough for Lillipup to handle, this courageous little Yorkshire Terrier - its Japanese name Yorterrie (ヨーテリー) is even based on the name for this breed - uses the long fur surrounding its face as a radar to probe the condition of its battle opponents and sense subtle changes in its surroundings. That's a lot of information to take in for just a basic Pokémon, but I swear Gen. VII is so much more informative on certain Pokémon than most other generations are. It is pretty good for early-game 'trash', especially when it evolves into Herdier pretty early on as well.

TCG art of Herdier.

Herdier looks much more like a Yorkshire Terrier than Lillipup does (with characteristics of Australian Silky Terriers and even Scottish Terriers), and its name is probably a reference to herding dogs - not to be confused with livestock guardian dogs, whose primary function is to guard flocks and herds from predation and theft, although both kinds of dogs may be called 'sheep dogs'. Trainers aren't as happy with Herdier as they are with Lillipup, apparently: the black, cape-like fur on its back is very hard and impervious and makes Herdier a troublesome Pokémon to train due to the high cost of properly grooming it. It is still loyal to its Trainer and even helps them raise or take care of other Pokémon, although it refuses to listen to people it doesn't respect. When it comes to the final stage of this evolutionary line, Stoutland, its wise disposition leaves no concern that it will ever attack people, though. Parents even trust it to babysit. It is intelligent, good-natured and valiant, and therefore it is a trustworthy partner on rescue teams, saving people stranded at sea or by blizzards in the mountains while its shaggy fur shields it and the people it rescues from extreme weather conditions - although Stoutland in Alola do seem to be a little uncomfortable. Its talent for rescuing humans in the mountains is similar to a St. Bernard's, don't you think?

Origin-wise, Bulbapedia offers the suggestion that Stoutland is based on a combination of a Shih Tzu and a Maltese, probably because of that truly magnificent mustache, although it is still obviously reminiscent of Yorkies and Scotties. Even its name is a reference to terrier dogs, as the Latin terra means 'earth' and the play on 'Scotland' refers to the Scottish Terrier it is based on.

Stoutland taking care of its young.

Its name doesn't lie, though, as Stoutland is pretty stout. Its base 85 HP and 90 defenses makes it a pretty bulky Pokémon in the competitive scene, even though its base 110 attack and 80 speed allows it to run a physical Choice Scarf or Choice Band set with ease. You'll have a more-than-decent offensive threat for your opponent to handle if you add an Adamant or Jolly nature and a moveset consisting of at least Return and a couple of coverage moves. It depends on what you need, really, but among the moves that Stoutland has access to are Crunch, Pursuit, Play Rough, Wild Charge, Psychic Fangs, the elemental fangs, Iron Head, Stomping Tantrum and Superpower. There are even three great abilities to choose from: Intimidate lowers the foe's attack stat and makes Stoutland even more physically defensive, Scrappy allows Stoutland to hit ghost-type Pokémon with normal-type moves, and Sand Rush doubles Stoutland's speed in a sandstorm and prevents it from taking any sandstorm damage. The latter is very handy when you have a Pokémon with the ability Sand Stream on your team, which whips up a sandstorm and allows Stoutland to come in with double speed. That's why Smogon suggests sets that involve an Adamant nature, as it outspeeds a lot of Pokémon after a Sand Rush boost, anyway.

An old Stoutland in the Sun and Moon series of the anime, in which it was living
with a wild Litten who would eventually become Ash's. They sought refuge in an
abandoned house and under a canal bridge, until Stoutland's health deteriorated
and it disappeared after being discharged from the Pokémon Center to save Litten
from seeing it pass away, leaving Litten upset.

Stoutland is a good boy. It already appeared in my list of top 50 favorite Pokémon, and my love for this cool doggo has not died down since. I always try to use a Stoutland in any of my Black and White playthroughs, just because it's such a good Pokémon, even late-game. Above all, though, I love Stoutland's design. Canine Pokémon are so much better than feline Pokémon in my opinion, even though I am a cat person and consider myself pretty much the 28-year-old gay guy equivalent of the old cat lady.

...I'm pathetic.

Rating: 5/5

#504 - #505: Patrat & Watchog

Patrat as seen in TCG.

I have absolutely no idea where to start with Patrat. Like Rattata, Sentret, Zigzagoon and Bidoof, it is the mandatory Route 1 normal-type rodent and there isn't a lot to say about it other than its biological origins and the fact that a lot of people seem to despise it for some reason - and perhaps its evolution Watchog is hated even more by the fandom. I don't have a problem with any normal-type rodent in the franchise, let alone any Gen. V Pokémon, so I think the hate for it is unfounded and unjustified. In fact, Patrat's design and flavor are kind of interesting in my opinion, finding their inspiration in meerkats, African mongoose-like critters that stand sentry to look out for predators and warn others of approaching dangers - although it kinda looks like a chipmunk of some sort, if I have to be honest. According to the Dutch Wikipedia page, a bevy of other animal species take advantage of the warning cries from meerkats on guard, which is why the meerkat is called 'the warden of the desert'. Add to that the fact that Patrat - with the emphasis on the second syllable, because its name derives from 'patrol' - is very conscious and wary regarding its surroundings and is always on guard, and the likelihood that it is based on meerkats raises even more.

To make matters confusing, though, the English 'meerkat' is a loanword from Afrikaans, which in turn has a Dutch origin... but by misidentification. The Dutch meerkat stems from the Sanskrit markaṭa (मर्कट), meaning 'ape', and is used to specify the guenon monkeys from the genus cercopithecus, whereas the Dutch word for 'meerkat' is actually stokstaartje (literally 'stick tail'). This name is reminiscent of how Patrat's tail is mostly used to communicate with others of its species; it is almost always standing up straight and is raised whenever Patrat sees an enemy.

Watchog looks a whole lot more
fluorescent in its shiny form, tbh.

Patrat's cautious nature and meerkat characteristics are carried over to its evolution Watchog, whose design is now based on a roadworker, with its body resembling a protective suit and the yellow stripes forming a high-visibility public safety vest. Luminescent compounds in Watchog's body allow these stripes - and its eyes - to illuminate, which is a defense mechanism to threaten and possibly scare away predators, which especially comes in handy at night when Watchog will have to stand sentry due to its excellent night vision. Therefore, it is likely its name derives from 'watchdog', dogs used to alert their owners of an intruder's presence and scare them away - not to be confused with guard dogs, which are also capable to attack the intruder. This is all very ironic, because at base 85 its physical attack is Watchog's best stat. That is decent at best - though a lot of people would call it mediocre - and with base 77 speed as its second best stat, you're in for a tough ride if you decide to use this thing in a playthrough. And I'm specifically mentioning a playthrough, because you should steer clear from it altogether in the competitive metagame; it's too terrible for that. Actually, Watchog's level-up movepool is quite horrendous, as the best offensive moves it gets are Crunch and Hyper Fang (STAB), while you have to wait for the latter and put up with the weak Tackle until level 36. Absolutely atrocious. Okay, let's assume you're doing an Ultra Sun Wonderlocke and you receive a Patrat that you want to use, then you'll be in for some positive treats: the Move Tutors are actually very kind towards Watchog, as they'll be able to teach it Aqua Tail, Seed Bomb, Iron Tail, the elemental punches, Gunk Shot, Zen Headbutt and Stomping Tantrum, just to name a few. Or maybe the Hypnosis/Confuse Ray/Super Fang strategy is more your style...? Watchog isn't defensive enough to pull it off, but it learns these moves by level-up and they could work in your advantage. In the end, though, Watchog is heavily Move Tutor-reliant, as it also doesn't learn jack shit for TMs. No good TMs, by any means, with the exception of Return.

Gym Leader Lenora's Watchog in the anime series. 

Listen, I actually like Watchog. Its design is creative, its flavor is interesting, and it looks hilariously creepy. I know that sounds paradoxical, and maybe you're right, but despite its frightening disposition I just can't take this Pokémon seriously; those intimidating eyes can't hide the fact that its cheek pouches look adorably chubby. Like I said at the beginning of this article, I don't understand why so many people seem to act so negatively towards it. Maybe it has something to do with its early access to Detect (just a fighting-type Protect), Confuse Ray, Hypnosis and Super Fang, which it all learns at or before level 22, but dealing with that was never really an obstacle for me personally; Watchog is relatively easy to take down due to its poor defenses and it isn't as annoying as, say, a bitch-ass Pelipper. While Sentret did the lookout thing first, Patrat and Watchog take this aspect and elaborate on it quite well, and so I will by no means give them a bad rating.

Rating: 3.5/5

#501 - #503: Oshawott, Dewott & Samurott

Ash's Oshawott throwing its scalchop down in anger, only to pick
it up immediately afterwards because it is worried it might have
damaged its beloved weapon. 

Oh, how an initially unpopular Pokémon has come to be an outright fan favorite. When Oshawott was first released, Pokémon fans were fast to nickname it 'Wotter', but I can't say they were particularly charmed by its design. It wasn't until the anime that the fans started to like this thing, and only because of Ash's Oshawott's outgoing (and oftentimes even inconsiderate) personality. While it could be cute at times, Ash's Oshawott had a propensity for being dramatic whenever things went wrong or didn't go its way, and it acted proud and boastful - not unlike Dawn's Piplup, with whom it had a transitory rivalry. Oshawott's antics greatly entertained the Pokémon fans and it quickly grew to be a fan favorite during the Best Wishes! series, which is widely regarded as a disappointing anime generation. Then there's Oshawott's scalchop, a shell that is used as a weapon when Razor Shell is executed and is made of the same material as claws and fingernails (keratin), growing back whenever it happens to get destroyed. Ash's Oshawott even panicked whenever it lost its scalchop, was happy when he found out that it hadn't done any major damage to it after throwing it down in anger, and got angry whenever it got stolen by another Pokémon.

Ash's Oshawott was... easily infatuated. This GIF shows Oshawott and Dawn's
Piplup falling in love with the same Pokémon.

Piplup and Oshawott's rivalry continues as Piplup attempts to best Oshawott
in getting Meloetta's attention.

But eventually, Piplup and Oshawott realize they care deeply for each other as
they say a teary-eyed goodbye. 

The scalchop also plays a big part in the whole samurai theme that this evolution line has going for them, as it holds similarities with Japanese war fans, which were often used by samurai for defensive purposes. Moreover, the fans weren't wrong calling Oshawott 'Wotter', because sea otters were definitely the inspiration for this Pokémon, as is indicated by its English name as well as its German name Ottaro and its Korean and Mandarin Chinese names. Incidentally, Oshawott's Japanese name Mijumaru (ミジュマル) may refer to an otter named Mijbil, the subject of an autobiographical novel and movie called Ring of Bright Water by Gavin Maxwell, about his life in a remote house in coastal Scotland where he kept several wild otters as pets.

One of the surprisingly few pieces of fan art I could find of Dewott.

When it comes to Oshawott's evolutions, Dewott (probably from the name Helen DeWitt, author of The Last Samurai) isn't that much different apart from having two scalchops instead of one, complete with honest-to-goodness samurai gear. Dewott uses its scalchops more intensively than Oshawott, using its double-scalchop technique through rigid training in order to accomplish fluid swordsmanship, although techniques differ from one Dewott to another. This fighting style is reminiscent to tessenjutsu, a martial art involving Japanese war fans that could make people so skilled that they were able to defend themselves against attackers with swords and even kill opponents with a single blow. The skilled wielder could even use it to fence and fend off knives and poisoned darts thrown at them. While Dewott probably doesn't possess such a level of skill, it is probably skilled enough for its evolution Samurott to suddenly wield whole-ass swords called seamitars. Now resembling truly armored samurai or shōgun, the war fan aesthetic is translocated from its pre-evolution's scalchops to its own goddamn tail, while the helmet-like shell over its head appears to be based on murex trapa - or the rare-spined murex shell. Samurott looks old and wise yet intimidating, and it actually is intimidating: in the time it takes for a foe to blink, Samurott can draw and sheathe the seamitars attached to its front legs, and one swing of its seamitar can fell an opponent. One simple glare or howl from Samurott quiets everybody.

Oshawott falling for Buneary, who shows more interest in Ash's Pikachu instead.

Isn't it adorable? I swear, The Pokémon Company have struck gold with
Oshawott's personality.

Oshawott, what the fuck are you doing? You can't even learn Belly Drum...

While still reminiscent to the giant otter, Samurott now looks more like a sea lion of some sort. In an interview, Ken Sugimori said that Oshawott and its evolutions were the hardest for the team to design during production, as conceptualizing its evolutions was difficult. The sea lion show during a trip to an aquarium inspired them to incorporate elements of sea lions in Samurott's design, hence why it looks so unlike its pre-evolutions. I just wish we had a different name for Samurott in English, because its French and German names of Clamiral and Admurai obviously refer to 'admiral' and its Japanese name Daikenki (ダイケンキ) is the complete on'yomi reading* of the word daikenki, which means literally 'big sword-wielding demon' in Chinese. I would have loved such a name for Samurott in English, too, but alas...

*(Sino-Japanese vocabulary - or kango - refers to that portion of the Japanese vocabulary that originated in Chinese or has been created from elements borrowed from Chinese, and on'yomi is the modern descendant of the Japanese approximation of the base Chinese pronunciation of a character at the time it was introduced.)

Badass TCG promotional art of Samurott.

Competitively, Samurott is... not very good, unfortunately. It has good HP, workable attacking stats, okay defense and mediocre special defense and speed, which doesn't make it a very versatile Pokémon: it cannot take special hits very well and it doesn't really outspeed many Pokémon in the metagame, either. You could fix that last problem with a Choice Scarf, but that means you won't be able to run a Swords Dance set. With base 100 attack and 108 special attack, Samurott doesn't really excel at anything in particular; despite its slightly higher special attack stat, its special movepool is incredibly lacking, with access to only STAB moves and Ice Beam - and Grass Knot, if that's your style. With access to Swords Dance - a move that raises its attack stat by two stages every time it is used - and a considerable amount of physical moves, a physical set is heavily recommended. The newly required Liquidation is definitely a must-have on a Swords Dance set, while Samurott has access to some nifty coverage moves like Sacred Sword (as of Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon), Megahorn, Smart Strike, Iron Tail, Night Slash and Knock Off. Priority in Aqua Jet wouldn't be terrible to have on it, either, especially since Samurott isn't very fast in the first place. Now that I mention its speed, I'd recommend a Jolly nature to maximize its speed stat; you can just use a Life Orb for a bit more oomph behind its attacks instead of giving it an Adamant nature. Finally, Samurott's hidden ability Shell Armor prevents it from receiving critical hits, but maybe you'll want to go with its regular ability Torrent instead, which boosts its water-type moves when it is at or below one third of its health.

When in battle, Samurott can stand on its hind legs and use one of the blades
from its anterior legs as a sword to fight. 

The ultimate question is, 'Do I really want to use Samurott in a competitive setting?' Smogon also mentions a special set with Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Grass Knot and either Aqua Jet or Taunt, but it's oftentimes not even fast enough to use Taunt and prevent opposing Pokémon from setting up on it, especially if it has any other nature than Timid. Samurott is an excellent Pokémon to use in a playthrough due to its well-roundedness, but it actually isn't that good in competitive. There are plenty of Pokémon that can do what Samurott can, and the abundance of water-type Pokémon in the games won't leave you dissatisfied in finding a better physical-based water type (right off the bat I think of starters like Feraligatr, Swampert and even Greninja, who are all miles better than Samurott when it comes to their physical utility).

Ash's Tepig (later Pignite) and Oshawott didn't get along very well...

Dafuq are you laughing at, Oshawott? As if you don't look ridiculous in that
Sewaddle collar...

I really do love Samurott's design and flavor. I was happy to use it multiple times throughout any Black/White/Black 2/White 2 playthrough, especially since I got sick of fire/fighting starters by the time Black and White were released, and I have to say it didn't disappoint at all: it was moderately bulky (AI Pokémon are stupid and aren't properly trained, so Samurott was sure to live a couple of hits as long as they weren't super-effective) and it did its job excellently once it had access to Swords Dance. So, as I did with some other Pokémon, I'm giving Samurott a perfect rating purely for its aesthetic qualities.

Rating: 5/5

#498 - #500: Tepig, Pignite & Emboar

Left: cute little Tepig seems to be a bit surprised by the flames
coming out of its snout. Right: what's a better way to show how
awkward Pignite really is than posting an image of its fucking
official art? Seriously though, who the hell came up with this?

My initial reaction to the red-hot Unova fire-type starters was... lukewarm. By the time Pokémon Black and White were released, I was as sick and tired of fire/fighting starters as everybody else in the fandom, and so I almost always ended up picking either Snivy or Oshawott when playing these games - or their sequels, for that matter. It's not Tepig's fault, really. This cute little British Saddleback piggy deftly dodges its foe's attacks while shooting fireballs from its nose, although the fire becomes pitch-black smoke when it catches a cold. Adorable. Nothing wrong with this thing... until it evolves into Pignite, that is. Whereas I would rather keep Tepig as a pet, I want to slaughter Pignite and make bacon out of it; it's that ugly. It's fat, which wouldn't have been a problem if this thing wasn't bipedal, and the brownish black fur makes it seem like it's wearing a wrestling singlet. This may sound weird coming from a gay man, but I don't think two sweaty men fighting it out in ugly bodysuits is particularly sexy, and a cartoon pig with fur that reminds me of such a suit is just plain weird. Pignite's flavor doesn't really help its cause, either: it has a fire in its stomach that it fuels with food, and the more fuel is added, the swifter and sharper its movements become. Every time it fires off a Flamethrower at your Pokémon, it's getting hit by burned-up gastric acids; think about that for a second when fighting this thing. Gross. By the way, there's nothing in the games that makes Pignite faster other than the move Flame Charge, which almost all fire-type Pokémon can learn.

Emboar being a badass in promotional TCG art.

But maybe I'm just so negative about Pignite because I really hate its design. Emboar, by contrast, is quite okay design-wise; while retaining the main feature of the British Saddleback (the 'striped' fur), it also adopts traits from wild boars and wrestlers - although arguably less awkwardly so than Pignite - as well as a couple of references to Chinese fairytales. First off, Emboar seems to be based on a soldier described in Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a critically acclaimed 14th-century historical novel attributed to Luo Guanzhong that is regarded as one of the Four Great Classical Novels in Chinese literature, just like Journey to the West. Much like Infernape is based on Sun Wukong from this classical novel, Emboar may be based on the pig demon Zhu Bajie, especially since Ken Sugimori stated that the entire evolution line were designed in a Chinese style. In fact, the swirl pattern around Emboar's abdomen resembles the patterns on ding, prehistoric and ancient Chinese cauldrons used for cooking, storage and ritual offerings to the gods or ancestors. The fact that Emboar is literally the only fire-type Pokémon that can learn Scald aside from Volcanion (who is also a water type) proves that it derives heavily from ding. Flavor-wise, Emboar has the most interesting Pokédex entries when compared to its pre-evolutions: the perenially flaring beard of fire is proof that it is fired up, and it uses this wreath of flames on its chin to ignite its fists and throw fiery punches our way. Holy shit, this thing has inflammable fists and it is not afraid to use them. That is awesome.

Awesome realistic art of Emboar. This is very well done.

Too bad Emboar isn't about using its fists in the competitive metagame, then. Sure, it learns Fire Punch just fine... by means of a Move Tutor. I'm literally laughing out loud right now; sometimes I think a Pokémon is so well-thought-out that I think the people at Game Freak are geniuses, and at moments like these I tend to believe those motherfuckers absolutely don't know what the heck they're doing. Anyway, Emboar's stat distribution seems to be kind of odd in a way, with excellent HP and attack, very good special attack and mediocre everything else. That means it won't outspeed a lot of things and won't take hits as well as you'd wish it to. Fortunately, there is a Choice Scarf set that can make this Pokémon potentially dangerous for any opposing team, and it involves a Jolly nature and Emboar's hidden ability Reckless. This ability increases the base power of moves that cause recoil damage by 20%, and let me tell you that Emboar learns quite a few of these. Flare Blitz will be its main source of power, as it's a fire-type move and thus provides some excellent STAB. Head Smash is, strangely, a level-up move that Emboar has access to and it can do some serious damage if you don't watch out (it already has a base power of 150, which will increase to 180 when applying Reckless), while Wild Charge through TM provides amazing type coverage against water and flying types, both of which Emboar is weak to. The last recoil-dealing move Emboar has access to is Take Down, but that is not a good move at all and should be avoided at all costs. Instead, go with a fighting-type move that matches up with Emboar's secondary typing, like Brick Break, Hammer Arm or Superpower, or - better yet - give it Scald. It may not be the best Pokémon to make use of that move, but at least you'll have an increased chance of burning a foe that relies on physical moves, which means Emboar can take a couple of hits in turn. On top of that, it hits rock types super-effectively and perhaps even more effectively than a STAB fighting-type move.

Emboar standing in the arena, ready to kick some ass. 

I actually think Emboar isn't that bad of a Pokémon. I like it more than Infernape, whom I'm currently using in an Ultra Moon playthrough with all starters, especially because it looks far more intimidating than and doesn't have quite as busy a design as the Sinnoh fire/fighting starter. I'm glad Game Freak hasn't made any more of those, mind you, and I hope they'll continue that trend, but Emboar is here now and it's fine for what it is.

Rating: 4/5

#495 - #497: Snivy, Servine & Serperior

Snivy and Servine.

We have arrived at the first official Unova starter Pokémon, and now we truly get to dive into the fifth generation. Snivy is a serpent-like grass-type creature, although with hands and feet and a snooty disposition. Its smug appearance and self-contented grin may throw you off a bit - in fact, when this Pokémon was first released and no official name was known yet, people were quick to give it the fan-made moniker 'Smugleaf' - but flavor-wise this Pokémon is honestly nothing more than just a photosynthesizing grass snake, basking its tail in sunlight in order to make its movements swifter. Even though Snivy and its middle evolution Servine are classified as the 'Grass Snake Pokémon', they may have been inspired by a variety of green vine snake species with a pointed snout, including oxybelis fulgidus, ahaetulla nasuta and ahaetulla prasina. Snivy's cool, calm and collected demeanor carries on to its evolution Servine, who tends to sink into the shadows of thick foliage before retaliating, although it fusses about staying dirt-free because its leaves are only capable of photosynthesis when they're clean.

Lastly, before we proceed to discuss Snivy's final stage Serperior, there's something to be said about the words 'snide' and 'snicker' being present in Snivy's English name, even though it's honestly more likely to derive from 'snake' and 'ivy'. I refuse to believe, however, that Servine comes from 'servant'. Ken Sugimori has stated that the whole evolution line is based on French royalty (wrong region, anyone?), specifically mentioning the anime The Rose of Versailles as inspiration, which is only backed up by the fact that some of Servine's physical features resemble the acanthus leaf motifs popularized during the Renaissance.

Frankly, I think Serperior is very beautiful and majestic, which
is why it's one of my favorite starters to date. Its royalty
aesthetics and regal disposition makes it quite the interesting
Pokémon, really.

The whole royalty aesthetic is most eminent in Serperior's design, too. This Pokémon radiates power and authority and can stop its opponent's movements with just its piercing glare, while foes unfazed by the glare from Serperior's noble eyes will get attacked by it at full force, indicating that it only gives its all against foes that it deems worthy battling with. Its Pokédex entries state that it is also capable of amplifying solar energy within its body, something I guess all grass-types can do by simply using Solar Beam, but this fact may very well be an allusion to King Louis XIV of France, who infamously referred to himself as the 'Sun King'. Serperior's white face alludes to the skin-whitening fashion mostly used by the European aristocracy in the 17th century, while the dark green mark on Serperior's chest seems to form a fleur-de-lis, a French insignia that is used on many European noble families' and nations' coat of arms. Aside from the ongoing French royalty theme, Serperior's design and flavor may also be inspired by several species of snake, specifically the emerald tree boa, the royal python or - as indicated by its paralyzing stare - the basilisk, the king of serpents in European legends (just watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets if you want to know what a basilisk does exactly). Finally, Serperior may also originate from an Aztec serpent deity called Quetzalcoatl, revered for its wind and wisdom.

Serperior whipping up a Leaf Storm.

Unfortunately, Serperior is a very one-dimensional Pokémon in the competitive scene. It has excellent speed and decent HP and defenses, making it one of the rare cases of a Pokémon being a speedy wall. Well... semi-wall, because its base 95 defenses aren't anything near perfect, which - for a Pokémon that I guess was supposed to be defensive - leaves a lot to be desired in combination with its base 75 HP. Sadly, Serperior lacks the support movepool to go with the utility strategy, which probably makes you wonder what exactly Serperior is used for? Strangely enough, it's an offensive Pokémon. Its base 75 attack and special attack are nothing to write home about, especially for a fully evolved Pokémon, but with its hidden ability Contrary and the move Leaf Storm, Serperior can actually sweep. Leaf Storm usually lowers the user's special attack stat by two stages after use, but Contrary inverts all changes to the stat stages of a Pokémon with this ability - e.g. a foe's Intimidate ability would raise Serperior's attack rather than lower it, and a move like Coil would lower its attack, defense and accuracy rather than raise them. This means Leaf Storm actually raises Serperior's special attack by two stages, making it increasingly dangerous to switch into. This strategy is fairly straightforward and very easy to see coming, although it has proved to be very effective when backed up by a Timid or Modest nature. The problem is that Serperior isn't very versatile when it comes to special moves; the best it has access to are Leaf Storm, Giga Drain and Energy Ball - all grass-type moves - and some type of Hidden Power. Substitute and Leech Seed (and Leftovers as a held item) are the only good support options to go with Leaf Storm, since it allows Serperior to build up strength and momentum without taking too much damage.

Additionally, one Smogon set mentions a 200-power Breakneck Blitz coming from Hyper Beam to counter Pokémon that otherwise wall Serperior, which could legit be an option to consider for the fourth move slot. You could even ditch Leech Seed and Substitute and go with a moveset consisting of Leaf Storm, Hidden Power, Hyper Beam and a status move such as Glare or Taunt. It isn't recommended if you don't know how to utilize that moveset, but maybe it'll work out just fine for you.

Holy shit, this creepy realistic art of Serperior is amazing!

I absolutely love Serperior. At one point in time, it was even my favorite starter Pokémon, until I got a newfound love for Sceptile during a couple of ORAS playthroughs and Empoleon because of my fairly recent admiration for steel types. I am currently doing an Ultra Moon playthrough with solely starter Pokémon (a physical- and special-based attacker for every type) and Serperior is my grass-type special attacker. To my disappointment, the Contrary/Leaf Storm set doesn't work as well in an in-game setting as in the competitive metagame, but at least it is competently bulky and it can take down Trainers with multiple Pokémon just fine. And seriously, though, Serperior is just a sight to behold, so I don't mind seeing it in battle.

Rating: 5/5