#561: Sigilyph

Sigilyph as seen in TCG.

There's weird and there's weird, and today's Pokémon - whose name is apparently fucking hard to spell, because I keep typing its goddamn name wrong - falls into the latter category for sure. Sigilyph looks like some kind of totem pole made by an ancient civilization, which is backed by its Pokédex entries and the fact that it is found in the Desert Resort, an area in Unova with a lot of historical significance. The area - which, despite its name, is hardly a resort - is devided into two sections, the entrance and the desert itself, and Sigilyph can be found exclusively in the latter section at an encounter rate of only 5%. Aside from Zen Mode Darmanitan, who is a static encounter anyway, Sigilyph is the only Pokémon that can be found exclusively in the desert section of the Desert Resort. Of course, there's no historical importance to the likes of Sandile, Darumaka, Maractus, Dwebble and Scraggy, but it goes to show how rare Sigilyph actually is. In fact, Sigilyph seems to be thousands of years old and once guarded (and patrolled the boundaries of) an ancient city, and due to it retaining steadfast memories from that, it apparently flies along the same route it used to fly along back in the day while keeping watch for invaders. This is probably also why Sigilyph uses its psychic powers to attack anyone who dares invade its territory, which in turn suggests that all Sigilyph are primitive and habitual creatures in nature, doing only what they are told or programmed to do. If not man-made, Sigilyph is definitely alien, and its special relationship with the people from the ancient past - whether it has a long lifespan, telepathically passes on its memories to its kin or doesn't age at all; you could keep speculating about that - makes it a very interesting Pokémon.

Sigilyph and Natu. Both are avian creatures with the
psychic/flying type combination and Native American
origins.

It's not often that a surge of sudden originality rushes through the hallways of Game Freak's headquarters. Sigilyph seems to be mostly based on the Nazca Lines, a group of very large geoglyphs formed by depressions or shallow incisions made in the soil of the Nazca Desert in southern Peru, allegedly created for religious purposes between 1500 and 2500 years ago and hugely varying in shape and complexity. Hundreds of them are just simple lines and geometric shapes, but more than 70 are zoomorphic designs of animals such as a monkey, spider, condor, whale, heron, pelican and even a hummingbird, the latter of which was the obvious inspiration for Sigilyph's design judging by the elongated feathers and the two black three-toed 'forks' at the side of its spherical body. However, Sigilyph is actually so colorful and richly decorated that I don't think the Nazca Lines were the only inspiration for its design. Immediately, the other psychic/flying birds - Natu and Xatu - come to mind, and like them, Sigilyph may be based on kachina dolls. These are based on spirit beings in the religious beliefs of Native American cultures located in the southwestern part of the United States called the Pueblo people and often symbolize personifications of things in the real world. Due to Xatu and Sigilyph sharing the exact same type combination and pretty much the same origins as well, Sigilyph could be seen as a rehash of Xatu, but it is so drastically different from the latter in both design and flavor text that I am more than willing to let it slide.

Sigilyph chillin' with Unown in the ruins of Relic Castle, standing smack-dab in the
middle of Desert Resort.

In fact, this Pokémon bears some uncanny resemblances to another Gen. II Pokémon called Unown. Quite a few of Sigilyph's foreign names go the generic way with the inclusion of the word 'symbol' one way or another - although its Japanese name Symboler (シンボラー) refers to the bora, a northern to north-eastern katabatic wind (a wind that carries high-density air from a higher elevation down a slope under the force of gravity) in the Adriatic Sea, or even Ra, the ancient Egyptian deity of the sun - but its English and French names are a lot more clear-cut, with Cryptéro being derived from 'cryptogram', a symbol or figure with secret or occult significance. Additionally, a sigil is an inscribed or painted symbol held to have occult power in astrology or magic, referring to Sigilyph's psychic type, while a glyph is an elemental symbol within an agreed set of symbols, intended to represent a readable character for the purposes of writing and considered to be a unique mark that adds up to the spelling of a word or contributes to a specific meaning of what is written. Similarly, the term 'typography' is applied to the style, arrangement and appearance of the letters, numbers and other symbols created by the process of arranging type to make written language legible, readable and appealing when displayed. That's why Sigilyph bears so many similarities to Unown, who are based on the 26 letters of the Latin alphabet - as well as the exclamation mark and the question mark - and can be arranged in such ways that they spell words.

Sigilyph depicted as a statue of some kind of ancient
deity.

But while Unown are great Pokémon conceptually, their stats vary from really mediocre to downright terrible. Sigilyph, on the other hand, is reasonably fast and pretty offensive on the special side of the spectrum, while also being moderately bulky. It's not exactly a tank by any definition of the word, but it can live a few hits and definitely dish out a few hits as well. Combine Sigilyph's good special attack with a Timid nature and the fact that it doesn't take any passive damage - think of Stealth Rock damage, poison/burn damage, weather damage and Life Orb recoil - because it has access to one of the best abilities in the game, Magic Guard, and you'll have an amazing competitive Pokémon on your hands. On top of that, Sigilyph has an incredibly wide offensive movepool consisting of Psychic, Air Slash, Shadow Ball, Energy Ball, Heat Wave, Ice Beam, Flash Cannon, Dark Pulse, Dazzling Gleam, Signal Beam and even Ancient Power, and you could choose whatever suits your needs. Roost and Calm Mind definitely will, because they allow Sigilyph to heal half of its maximum HP while losing its flying type for the remainder of the turn or raise its special stats by one stage each every time it's used. This Pokémon is speedy and bulky enough to rock some other support moves as well, though. Magic Guard honestly makes Sigilyph the best Pokémon out there to use Psycho Shift; just let it hold a Flame Orb or Toxic Orb so it gets burned or badly poisoned, respectively, and transfer the status condition onto the opposing Pokémon - a burn can be crippling, especially to physical attackers. Reflect and Light Screen can be used to raise your entire team's defenses, Thunder Wave and Hypnosis will definitely limit your opponent's movements, and Trick Room completely reverses the move order within each priority bracket so that slower Pokémon move first and faster Pokémon move last for a couple of turns. You'll have to take a more defensive approach in order to use these support moves effectively, but just throw Cosmic Power into the mix and your Sigilyph will be able to take more than just a few hits.

A shiny Sigilyph encounter in Ultra Space. Admittedly, it's a pretty good shiny.

I absolutely love creepy and bizarre Pokémon, especially intentionally bizarre Pokémon like Sigilyph. It looks like it has three eyes, but the eye on the head-shaped stalk seems to be its one true eye - again, just like Unown - as demonstrated by its in-game sprites, especially in Pokémon-Amie and Pokémon Refresh, as it's the only one that is animated to blink. It's true that Sigilyph borrows some elements that made similar Pokémon like Xatu and Unown so interesting in the first place, but it still maintains a good amount of originality. Its design and flavor are executed in a much better way than Xatu's, for example, and it's definitely much more useful in competitive than Unown. Game Freak took the origins of Xatu and the mystery surrounding Unown and greatly improved on them, making Sigilyph a relevant Pokémon on its own merits by giving it historical significance within the Unova lore.

P.S.: Now that we're talking about creepy and bizarre Pokemon... just wait until you meet the next ones on the list.

Rating: 5/5

#554 - #555: Darumaka & Darmanitan

I guess Darumaka's inability to be toppled over when asleep helps
it balancing a whole-ass fruit basket on its head - or berry basket,
rather.

These Pokémon are wild, yo.

Game Freak took the concept of a daruma doll - a round, traditional Japanese doll that is popular as a good-luck charm and is modeled after Bodhidharma, the founder of the Zen tradition of Buddhism - and made the Pokémon that is based on it the complete opposite of what most people think Zen Buddhism represents (calmness, peace and meditation, for example). When Darumaka's internal flame burns, it is incredibly energetic and active to the point that it cannot calm down and becomes uncontrollable, even though it isn't an aggressive Pokémon by nature. It even uses its droppings to dispose of excess heat; in fact, these droppings are so hot that people back in the day used to put them in their clothes to keep themselves warm, which... kind of grosses me out a little, to be honest. Holy shit, that's actually disgusting.

Thank God for central heating, amirite?

However, Darumaka's internal flame shrinks when it falls asleep, and when it does it tucks in its arms and legs and refuses to be tipped over no matter how much it is pushed or pulled. In this state, Darumaka resembles a daruma doll of the kind that cannot be knocked over due to its low center of gravity, like a roly-poly toy. Even Darumaka's fire typing is a reference to a practice called daruma-burning, in which all daruma dolls are brought back to the temple they were purchased from for a traditional burning ceremony that is held once a year, usually right after New Year's Day. After expressing gratitude to the dolls, people turn them over to the temple and buy new ones for the next year.

Promotional TCG art of Darmanitan. Those flaming eyebrows are
nothing short of fabulous.

But if you think Darumaka is interesting, you haven't seen anything yet. It's not necessarily Darumaka who's wild; it's its evolution Darmanitan who pulls out all the stops. To quote Chris from Pokémaniacal: "[...] if Darumaka is turned up to eleven, Darmanitan just plain blows up the meter." And goddamn, the dude is right. While Darumaka looks like a cute little monkey to some extent, Darmanitan's manic grin, big-ass fists and round, black-ringed eyes will make you be sure not to mess with it. This motherfucker just looks downright insane, and its Pokédex entries back that up: Darmanitan's internal fire burns at 2,500°F, making enough power so that one punch can destroy a dump truck. And if it can destroy a dump truck with one punch, surely a plane, a bridge or even a skyscraper wouldn't be a problem, either. However, to correspond with Darmanitan's origins regarding Zen charms and all that shit, Game Freak gave it a hidden ability called Zen Mode, which is also the name of the form Darmanitan takes on whenever one with this ability drops below half of its health - or as its Pokédex entries like to state: it transforms into a stone statue whenever it is injured in a fierce battle, only to sharpen its mind and fight on mentally. Zen Mode Darmanitan even seems to be based on the adage of the three wise monkeys - "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", often used to refer to those who deal with impropriety by turning a blind eye - judging by the fact that Zen Mode Darmanitan have their eyes become blank (like on a real daruma doll), their mouths shut tightly and their ears covered, sitting patiently in contrast to their bold posture in Standard Mode. It may even be a direct reference to Bodhidharma, achieving enlightenment.

This also makes me realize that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour - all Pokémon that are based on the three wise monkeys - are actually really redundant considering Zen Mode Darmanitan was introduced in the exact same generation as them. Perhaps the elemental monkeys look more simian than Darmanitan does, but you can't deny it looks very ape-like; in fact, its name suggests that it is based on an orangutan, with its pre-evolution probably being based on a macaque.

N with... some of his Pokémon, I guess? Actually, I think this drawing is kind of
inaccurate; only Darmanitan was his, and he released it when in the Desert Resort.

But while Darmanitan is normally a physically offensive glass cannon, Zen Mode Darmanitan is a special tank that gets the psychic type added to it, has its power shifted from the physical to the special side of the spectrum and has to deliver some speed in exchange for a lot more bulk. The thing is that this doesn't work all that well, because it means you'll have to let your Darmanitan's health bar drop to less than 50% in the first place, leaving you with a slower (albeit bulkier) Pokémon with more than half of its HP missing. Not only is this not ideal, you'll have to start off with a Standard Mode Darmanitan using physical moves and continue with a Zen Mode Darmanitan using special moves halfway through, even though a Pokémon can only learn four different moves. It's one thing giving a certain Pokémon one special move for coverage purposes, it's another building a whole moveset for a Pokémon that revolves around two different strategies. It just doesn't work.

Darmanitan, stop monkeying around. I'm starting to think that
 Game Freak were right in giving you its Japanese and German
names of Hihidaruma (ヒヒダルマ) and Flampivian, which both
contain the word for 'baboon' in their respective language (hihi
and Pavian, respectively).

Fortunately, Zen Mode Darmanitan is only available if it's given its hidden ability. Darmanitan has only one regular ability, but it's an awesome one: Sheer Force adds more power to moves with additional effects (except for moves that have a higher crit ratio or affect the user negatively), which really compliments Darmanitan's monstrous base 140 attack stat. Along with decent base 95 speed, a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb, Choice Scarf or Choice Band as its held item, this juggernaut has the potential to destroy lives. Unfortunately, defense is not really Darmanitan's forte; its amazing HP stat doesn't do anything for its nonexistent defenses, while its best physical fire-type attack is Flare Blitz, which deals recoil damage. Combine these things and Darmanitan gets worn down really quickly. There's always the option to go for Fire Punch instead, but Flare Blitz is just more common in competitive because it's more powerful, so it's not recommended. Rock Slide and Earthquake don't always go well with a fire-type move, and U-Turn is only very common on Darmanitan to get it the hell off the battlefield in an unwanted situation while still doing damage, but it has a couple of nifty coverage moves up its sleeve: Hammer Arm and Superpower are solid fighting-type options and go well with Flare Blitz, while Zen Headbutt is an option if you feel threatened by certain fighting- and poison-type Pokémon, although Earthquake is generally better to deal with the latter.

This kind of fan art suits Darmanitan perfectly, and that makes me happy.

I absolutely fucking love Darmanitan. Its origins are beyond interesting, it has an incredibly savage personality, and its design is insanely over the top; it's a downright monstrosity and that's exactly what makes me love it so much. It's a shame that Game Freak couldn't properly implement its origins into its game mechanics, because Zen Mode Darmanitan ties in perfectly with this whole Zen theme Game Freak were going for, but in the end it doesn't matter: I love Darmanitan mainly for the monster that it is, even though it may be a tad bit overpowered in an in-game setting, which is, naturally, exactly why I used it so many times in playthroughs. This Pokémon is high up on my list of favorite Pokémon and I can't give it anything other than a rock-solid rating of 5 stars.

Rating: 5/5

#551 - #553: Sandile, Krokorok & Krookodile

I've always wondered why Basculin comes before the desert Pokémon in the Pokédex, but today I realized there is a patch of water to be found on Route 4 where I thought you could find the goddamn things. After a bit of reasearch I found out you can't find them there. Like, at all. So, confusion ensued and now I still don't know what Basculin is doing so early on in the Pokédex. Oh well, at least we're kicking off the new year with two amazing and generally beloved Pokémon.

Up: Sunglasses Sandile. Down: The same Pokémon as a
Krokorok, who is eventually 'caught' by Ash.

First up on the list are Sandile and its evolutions Krokorok and Krookodile. Sandile is a funny-looking crocodile, but it doesn't possess any powers related to water (aside from Aqua Tail) because Game Freak have made it a ground/dark dual type. It's not the first time they turned animals that are usually aquatic into desert creatures; the whole thing was done with Hippopotas and Hippowdon before, but I have to say they did a far better job with Sandile and its kin. The little croc looks like it's permanently wearing a pair of shaded binoculars, which actually isn't all that far from the truth, as the black area around its eyes is a membrane that prevents sand from getting into its eyes and shield them from the glare of the harsh desert sun. Sandile usually burrows under the surface of the desert like a sandfish (a type of skink), with only its nose and eyes sticking out from the sand, which has a purpose: it allows the heat from the sand to regulate its body temperature, and it allows Sandile to freely move around in the desert while seeing where the fuck it's going and staying hidden from its enemies at the same time. The reason why Sandile is such a beloved Pokémon nowadays, however, is what the Pokémon community affectionately refers to as Sunglasses Sandile. This Sandile wearing sunglasses was first seen as the leader of a group of wild Sandile causing trouble at a spa resort, but it was revealed that they were merely trying to save the Pokémon there as a result of a geyser about to erupt. Of course, Ash and his friends save the day and, as such, Sunglasses Sandile gains the utmost respect for Ash and starts following him around the Unova region. It took a couple of episodes, in which one was revealed that Sandile loses its confidence when its sunglasses go missing and becomes quite timid and cowardly, but in the end Ash invites a then Krokorok to join its team, which it happily accepts. 

An especially vile 'dile, if I may say so.

Aside from having a prominent anime arc, Krokorok has interesting origins as well. Like Sandile, it is based on a couple of crocodilians, more specifically the spectacled caiman, whose species' common name comes from a bony ridge between the eyes that gives it the appearance of wearing a pair of spectacles, and the slender-snouted crocodile. Given the fact that Krokorok looks like it's wearing a pair of shades (aside from Ash's Krokorok actually wearing sunglasses), this is kind of an obvious reference. It also draws inspiration from baryonyx, a slender-snouted and bipedal dinosaur that heavily resembled a crocodilian and is not seldomly depicted as having a reddish skin with stripes on its back, just like Krokorok and especially its evolution Krookodile - the latter of which has a snout that resembles the long, thin snout of a gharial. The main aspects of the entire evolutionary line's design, however, lie in the mask-like eyes and the stripes; Sandile and its evolutions are all based on criminals, as supported by their dark typing, and the stripes may even be a reference to convicts back in the day - you know, when many prison uniforms were black-and-white striped (I believe most US prison uniforms nowadays are either orange, khaki or yellow). Krookodile may also be based on a gang leader, as the markings around its eyes bear great resemblance to triangular sunglasses, which are often associated with manga and anime criminals. Additionally, it could also be a reference to Sobek, an ancient half-crocodile deity from ancient Egyptian mythology who is often associated with violence and even robbery.

Krookodile being a true crook.

When it comes to Krokorok and Krookodile's Pokédex entries, the only interesting part lies in the development of the eyes as the evolution line progresses. Krokorok's membrane not only protects its eyes against sand and heat, it also acts as a thermal detector and allows Krokorok to see the heat of the objects around it, which gives it excellent night vision. Krookodile can adjust the focus of its eyes over an incredible range, enabling it to view objects and prey in the far distance as if it were using binoculars, even in the midst of a sandstorm. Although I'm not sure if I should believe Sun and Ultra Sun when they say that Krookodile can detect small prey more than 30 miles away and swims through the desert as if it were water, only to jump out and chomp them. Ultra Moon even contradicts that, saying that this Pokémon waits patiently in a sandstorm for prey to appear.

Krookodile jumping out from beneath the sand. 

Krookodile is undoubtedly a very violent Pokémon that tries to clamp down on anything that moves with its powerful jaws and never allows its prey to escape, which really shows in competitive, the area in which this Pokémon really shines - at least it's in the UU tier, which is by no means a tier with Pokémon to be taken lightly. You'd wish Krookodile was a bit faster, but it isn't slow by any sense of the word, and aside from its physical strength it has some suprising bulk behind it. I mean, with an excellent HP stat, decent physical defense and access to the Intimidate ability, Krookodile could seriously serve as some kind of physical tank. Supported by a Jolly nature and the Rocky Helmet as a held item, this Pokémon is an excellent Stealth Rock setter and a complete and utter annoyance to your opponent when it's trying to get rid of their Pokémon's held items with Knock Off, which is also a quite powerful STAB dark-type move. Taunt makes it even worse, as it forces opposing Pokémon to use directly offensive moves and prevents them from using support or set-up moves, while a STAB Earthquake is always a thing to be wary of.

You could always go all-out offensive with a Choice Scarf set, which also makes Krookodile instantly faster but locks in into using only one move at a time until it's switched out. A moveset consisting of Knock Off, Stone Edge, Earthquake and Superpower has proved to be as effective as ever, although they're not the only moves that Krookodile learns: its vast movepool consists of STAB moves like Pursuit, Crunch, Throat Chop (only if you're worrying about sound-based moves), Bulldoze and Stomping Tantrum, but it also has access to nifty coverage moves like Aqua Tail, Iron Tail, Fire Fang, Thunder Fang, Rock Slide, Brick Break and even a good amount of dragon-type moves - considering Krookodile's alleged baryonyx origins, this is not surprising in the slightest. You could always stick with the Intimidate ability when taking the offensive approach, although Moxie boosts Krokodile's attack stat by one stage every time it kills something, which allows it to build momentum. Pair this ability with a Life Orb or Choice Band, and Krookodile really hits like a truck.

Krookodile being a sheer badass.

I absolutely love this Pokémon. Its design is original, its origins are fascinating and its pose is badass; and aside from that, it isn't half bad as a competitive Pokémon, nor as an asset to your in-game team. To top it off, Krookodile is much better and more badass as a crocodile - be it design- or flavor-wise - than Feraligatr, who is actually an honest-to-goodness water type rather than a ground type (I know Feraligatr is based on an alligator, but that's also a crocodilian, amirite?). I've used Krookodile on multiple occasions and it has honestly never let me down, because it's such a good Pokémon to use - although I have to say that I often chose Excadrill over Krookodile when I wanted to use a ground type on my Gen. V teams. Still, Krookodile is worth every star I'm giving it.

Oh man, I can't wait until I get to review Darmanitan!

Rating: 5/5

#543 - #545: Venipede, Whirlipede & Scolipede

Venipede in TCG, standing in what can only be Roxie's Gym.

From cooing over a cute little caterpillar we proceed to be grossed out by a bug that could easily replace Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. The only problem with that is that Quasimodo is actually quite a nice person, while Venipede is aggressive and insistently expresses its continuous anger by injecting a potent poison. Bird Pokémon that try to prey on it are in for a very rude awakening, and Venipede uses the feelers on its head and tail to pick up vibrations in the air and determine its own prey's location and state. Venipede is dangerous, and it gets worse when this thing evolves into Whirlipede: while usually remaining motionless in order to store energy for evolution, it has the tendency to quickly spin its hard-shelled body like a tire and crash furiously into opponents - especially if it's attacked - and it continues to stab approaching predators with its poisonous spikes. And then... Oh boy, to quote Pokémaniacal here: "Then [Whirlipede] evolves into Scolipede and everything gets a whole lot worse for everyone." He's not wrong; Venipede is already pretty foul-tempered, but its final evolution Scolipede takes more than just one cake. This Pokémon is merciless and brutally attacks anyone in its way, clasping its targets with the claws in its neck and finishing them off with a deadly poison, even chasing them down with great speed when they manage to escape. Suffice to say, it won't give up until it emerges victorious.

Also, I think it's safe to say that Scolipede probably doesn't even have predators anymore, because this thing is a massive 8'02" tall and weighs a solid 442 pounds - a human would be morbidly obese if they weighed as much. Real-life centipedes are pretty scary already (I really don't like bugs, especially when they have more than six legs), but Scolipede is nothing short of absolutely fucking terrifying.

One big happy family... literally.

But while Venipede is categorized as the 'Centipede Pokémon', it is more similar in appearance to millipedes, especially green-colored pill millipedes of the glomeris marginata species. Pill millipedes shouldn't be confused with pill bugs, which are a type of woodlouse from the genus armadillidium and are often known as 'armadillo bugs' as a result. Both pill millipedes and pill bugs are able to curl up into a ball when they're in danger (the woodlice more symmetrically so), which probably explains Venipede's evolution into the cocoon-like Whirlipede. While these two types of bugs look alike, pill millipedes can be distinguished from pill bugs by the fact that they have two pairs of legs per body segment, while pill bugs have only one pair. That, as well as the design of Venipede's final evolution Scolipede, makes me think that this evolutionary line is more so based on millipedes going on centipedes rather than ordinary woodlice. Because let's face it: Scolipede is no woodlouse and isn't just a simple millipede anymore, either - as becomes evident in its name, Scolipede is based on the scolopendra genus of centipede, specifically the species scolopendra gigantea. Also known as the Amazonian giant centipede, this bug can reach lengths up to 12 inches and is known to be venomous and predatory, hunting other sizable arthropods, amphibians, reptiles (including small snakes) and even mammals like bats and sparrow-sized birds - large individuals have been known to employ unique strategies to catch bats in which they climb cave ceilings and hold or manipulate their heavier prey with only a few legs attached to the ceiling. Other scolopendra species can be venomous as well, and bites are reported to cause extreme pain and swelling, but most species are by far not as large as scolopendra gigantea - or Scolipede, for that matter.

Big, bad, scary Scolipede.

Gigantea may be fearsome, and Scolipede even more so judging by its behavior, but competitively this Pokémon doesn't quite live up to its reputation of aggressiveness and brutality. Yes, it's speedy and relatively strong on the physical side of the spectrum, but its cardboard defenses and subpar HP make sure it won't live many hits to begin with. It's best to squeeze your Scolipede in a favorable position so that it can set up with Swords Dance and annihilate the hell out of its opponents with moves like Megahorn, Earthquake and Aqua Tail (Hydro Vortex if powered up by a Waterium Z), although it also learns Poison Jab, Rock Slide, Throat Chop and Superpower, among other things. Definitely give Scolipede a Jolly nature and the ability Speed Boost, the latter of which raises its speed at the end of every turn, and you'll have an excellent end-game sweeper. Don't even bother with any of its other abilities, because Poison Point is just purely situational, and Swarm (ups bug-type moves when Scolipede has less than 33% of its HP remaining) isn't all that useful, even though Megahorn becomes a very dangerous move after applying Swarm and a Swords Dance boost. There's also Protect to pull off a free speed boost, but I don't recommend it because Scolipede can't afford losing any of its offensive moves - or you would want to have Baton Pass, in which case you'll have to Swords Dance up and then use Protect for an extra speed boost, allowing you to pass double stat boosts to another, more powerful Pokémon on your team. Scolipede learns both Spikes and Toxic Spikes, but Spikes needs three layers (and thus requires three turns) to have maximum effect and Toxic Spikes is only really effective if you manage to set up a second layer to badly poison all of your opponents. Scolipede just isn't defensive enough for that, although you could delay its demise by giving it a Focus Sash. It's generally better to stick with its Swords Dance set and give it a Z-Crystal or Life Orb to hold - or a Choice Band, if you are willing to drop Swords Dance in exchange for a strong offensive move.

The most frightening thing about Scolipede is that its legs look so... equine. It's
like a gigantic horse centipede; I'm positive you could make a mean ride on it.

I consider myself lucky that there are no bugs of such extreme size to be found here in the Netherlands - aside from the occasional weirdo that keeps them as pets, obviously. My fear/distaste for big bugs with too many legs hasn't carried over to the Pokémon franchise, and I am simply unfazed by Scolipede being a gigantic, formidable centipede. It's one of the coolest bug types I have seen so far, and it definitely pulled me and the rest of my team through in one of my Y playthroughs - especially since it got a slight boost in its base attack stat as of Gen. VI, anyway. For Pokémon that are supposed to be replacements of some sort for the early-game Kanto bugs (Butterfree and Beedrill), Leavanny and Scolipede are pretty goddamn awesome. The thing is that Scolipede is just slightly more awesome (partly due to its marvelous shiny form) and therefore gets a perfect rating from me.

Rating: 5/5

#529 - #530: Drilbur & Excadrill

Now, this is how you create a mole Pokémon!

Yes, I am aware of the fact that Diglett and Dugtrio are mostly based on those ridiculously stupid Whac-A-Mole arcade games from the 1980s, but that doesn't mean that their designs aren't lackluster: Diglett is nothing but a brown, phallically shaped Pokémon with merely a pair of eyes and a pink button nose for physical features, while Dugtrio is just three Diglett clumped together. Game Freak haven't made things better by giving these Pokémon Alola Formes, whose added 'hair' makes them look dumb rather than creative, even though Alolan Diglett and Alolan Dugtrio got the same typing as Excadrill, the latter of whom I will discuss today.

TCG art of Drilbur.

But first, let's start off with Drilbur. This mole Pokémon has a pointed nose, distinguishable claws and actual fucking feet, however small they might be compared to the rest of its body. Unlike Diglett, it actually looks like a goddamn mole, and I'd even dare say it's cute. Drilbur is able to straighten its body and align its claws forward, allowing it to rotate quickly and dig through soil like a drill at speeds of 30 miles per hour, which is why its arms are shaped like shovels and its claws like the teeth of burrs. Its English name Drilbur implies just that, and its Japanese name Mogurew (モグリュー) even contains the English word 'screw', a type of steel fastener usually driven into a wall with a drill (or screwdriver, for that matter). When Drilbur evolves into Excadrill at level 31, it gains the steel typing. This can only be attributed to the steel blades Excadrill has for claws, as well as the one blade on its head, giving it the appearance of wearing some kind of helmet. By straightening up and putting both claws against its 'helmet', basically hiding its face between its steel blades, Excadrill actually looks like a drill - one that is strong enough to bore through iron plates no matter the thickness. It digs tunnels up to 300 feet deep and usually builds its maze-like nests at that depth, an activity that can turn out to be detrimental to underground structures such as subway tunnels, although Excadrill's swift digging prowess might be beneficial in tunnel construction as well.

Excadrill.

But if Excadrill is strong enough to destroy even thick iron plates, surely it can hold its own in a competitive battle, right? The answer is, 'You bet.' With phenomenal base 135 attack and pretty good base 88 speed, Excadrill is a force to be reckoned with. Its speed isn't that great, but this can easily be fixed by breeding a Jolly nature onto it and/or letting it hold a Choice Scarf, only to click whatever move you feel like clicking: STAB Earthquake, STAB Iron Head, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Poison Jab, Brick Break, X-Scissor and Shadow Claw... Excadrill does have a few options to choose from. It can't take a hit very well due to its paper-thin defenses, but this problem is slightly compensated by its beefy base 110 HP stat and the slew of resistances granted to it by its steel typing. However, a Choice Scarf is not the only option for you to choose from. If any of your competitive Pokémon has the ability Sand Stream (Tyranitar, perhaps?), you could use it to set up a sandstorm to trigger one of Excadrill's abilities, Sand Rush, which doubles its speed stat as long as a sandstorm is brewing on the battlefield. This allows Excadrill to Swords Dance up and demolish everything in its way, provided you let Excadrill hold something like a Life Orb or an Air Balloon and find the right time for it to switch in. A Choice Scarf set on a sandstorm team is not a bad idea either, especially considering Excadrill's other ability - Sand Force - increases the power of all of its ground-, rock- and steel-type moves by 30% when a sandstorm is in effect. If you're not going for a sandstorm strategy, Mold Breaker is the recommended ability for Excadrill.

These are actually two Excadrill, believe it or not. The one on the left has actually
just withdrawn its face into its claws and 'helmet' in order to look like a drill. 

A Focus Sash set on Smogon suggests you give Excadrill the moves Stealth Rock, Rapid Spin and Toxic, but that is a waste of its strength, at least in my opinion. Rapid Spin is a solid option to remove entry hazards and could easily find its place on a Choice Scarf or Life Orb set, but there are much better Stealth Rock setters and Toxic stallers than Excadrill. It is simply not bulky enough for such a support role, and its massive physical attack should be used to its full potential.

Well, maybe not its full potential; for that, you'd have to give Excadrill an Adamant nature, which it really can't afford with speed like that, but you know what I'm getting at... don't you?

Excadrill drilling away at Dewott, but Dewott won't have none of it. So much for
the claim that Excadrill can even drill through iron plates. 

I absolutely love Excadrill. It is the perfect example of a Pokémon actually looking like the animal it is based on, while having some very cool additional characteristics that makes it stand out among other Pokémon. It definitely helps that it's a steel type, my favorite typing in the entire game, and that it looks like something you would not want to have an encounter with. Excadrill is nothing short of terrifying and I'd run away from it as fast as possible. The cherry on top is its excellent competitive utility, which is so good it can even be used in Smogon's legendary Uber tier - although it officially resides in OU. I've used Excadrill numerous times in my Black, White, Black 2 and White 2 playthroughs, just because it's a fantastic Pokémon that annihilates everything as it goes, especially with a Swords Dance up. The five stars I'm going to give Excadrill are more than deserved, all five of them.

P.S.: Listen, Game Freak... I know that in Greek mythology, the Minotaur - half bull, half man - dwelt at the center of an elaborate maze-like construction called the Labyrinth, but that is not a reason to include this in Excadrill's French name Minotaupe. It's just a suggestion, but perhaps you should save that for a Pokémon that is actually based on the Minotaur. Good idea, no?

Rating: 5/5

#524 - #526: Roggenrola, Boldore & Gigalith

Okay, so let me tell you this right now: Geodude, Graveler and Golem version 2.0 are wildly interesting, unlike the originals...

Two examples of Roggenrola art in the Trading
Card Game.

Granted, it's not hard to be more interesting than Geodude and Graveler, and Golem doesn't have much to write home about, either. It's like Game Freak took the rock part of Geodude and just improved on it with Roggenrola, whose ear seems to be the hexagonal gap positioned smack-dab in the middle of its body rather than the rocky protrusion coming from its head. Cilan, Ash's traveling companion in Unova, actually explained in the anime that Roggenrola has sensitive hearing and can hear sounds that are inaudible to humans, panicking and toppling over if the sounds it tends to follow with its ear cease. Roggenrola is born deep in the Earth (its classification as the 'Mantle Pokémon' suggests that it was the Earth's mantle it was born in) and only made its way into shallower caves by way of fissures caused by earthquakes. Its body contains an energy core that is as hard as steel from being compressed underground, further solidifying the evidence that this Pokémon is based on a geode, which is a geological secondary structure that occurs in sedimentary and volcanic rocks and is usually hollow and vaguely spheroid in shape in order to oblate masses of mineral matter. The Sun and Moon Pokédex even state that it compares the hardness of its body with that of similar species like Geodude and Carbink. Roggenrola did steal Geodude's shtick of being able to roll, and people in Unova even use it as balls in a televised version of bowling, which is likely why its name is a play on the term 'rock and roll' - or, more specifically, 'rock-'n'-roller'.

Another reason why Roggenrola and its evolutions are rip-offs of the Geodude family is that Roggenrola and Geodude both evolve at level 25 and evolve once more into their final stages when traded.

Boldore... trying to be tough, I guess? Trust me, little guy,
you'll become much more badass when you evolve.

Actually, Boldore also follows Graveler in that it receives at least one extra limb upon evolving from Roggenrola. It looks strangely arachnid, and although I am absolutely terrified of spiders (they're my biggest fear), I don't particularly mind Pokémon that are based on them - in fact, Galvantula and Araquanid are pretty solid Pokémon in my opinion. Boldore, on the other hand, not so much. Sure, it's made of rock and therefore it's literally solid, but its characteristics seem to be greatly inconsistent with its actual in-game stats. You see, Boldore seems to have an internal core in which massive energy flows continuously, but it can hardly contain said energy and so it leaks to the surface, forming the precious orange crystals found all over its body. This indicates that Boldore is able to fire off powerful energy-based attacks, but there is just one problem with that: its special attack is absolutely horrendous. To add some more flavor, Game Freak gave Boldore the special-based rock-type move Power Gem by level-up, which I merely view as their way to rub salt into its wound. To make matters even worse for Boldore, the orange crystals on its body are so full of energy that they provide enough fuel for hundreds of dump trucks; they're incredibly valuable, so Boldore is sometimes targeted for them.

Honestly, Gigalith has one of the best shinies in the
entire franchise.

And as for Gigalith... Well, Gigalith continues Boldore's trait of converting the compressed energy within its core into devastating blows that can even destroy mountains and cause countless fissures to appear all over its body. This energy is absorbed from rays of sunlight, and it is only appropriate for Gigalith to be able to learn Solar Beam, but yet again its special attack is absolutely atrocious. Consistency has never been one of Game Freak's strengths, but this is ridiculous. At least Gigalith can claim that it's much better than Golem. First off, Gigalith is a pure rock type instead of a rock/ground type, which means it doesn't have quadruple weaknesses to grass and water and doesn't have a weakness to ice at all. It isn't immune to electric, like Golem, but its ability Sand Stream whips up a sandstorm in battles and boosts its special defense by 50%, allowing it to take even super-effective hits better while the sandstorm is in effect. The fact that Gigalith doesn't get STAB from Earthquake is compensated by its massive base 135 attack stat, which makes its other physical attacks (Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Throat Chop, Iron Head, Superpower and even Explosion) hit harder as well. Gigalith is slower than Golem, which makes the latter more adept at using a Rock Polish set, but both are pretty slow and Gigalith can take hits much better than Golem anyway, only for it to retaliate much harder. The only advantage Golem may have over Gigalith is its more diverse movepool, having access to nifty moves like Thunder Punch, Fire Punch and Hammer Arm. Golem does have an Alola Forme as well, but it's rock/electric and so it's four times weak to ground (and, therefore, Earthquake), which cripples it tremendously.

Yikes. You go and tell me Gigalith isn't terrifying...

As I mentioned before, Gigalith has excellent overall bulk and that makes it incredibly fun to use competitively. You can run Sand Stream in combination with a Sassy or Careful nature to boost its special defense (its base 130 defense is already good as is) and then simply slap a Choice Band on it to boost its physical attack by 50%. Just remember you'll be able to use only one move until Gigalith is switched out, so perhaps you'll want to change the nature into Brave or Adamant to compensate for that; it'll make it hit unnecessarily hard. There's also the option of letting Gigalith hold the Leftovers instead, just for a little bit more durability in battle, which also allows it to make use of Stealth Rock and Toxic more effectively as it isn't hindered by the effect of using only one move. Last but not least, there's Gialith's remaining abilities. Sturdy prevents Gigalith from being knocked out in one hit when at full HP, but that will most likely not happen anyway, and so it's an ability that is more useful on a Pokémon like Golem due to its quadruple weaknesses and less-than-stellar special defense. Sand Force increases the power of rock-, ground- and steel-type moves, but doesn't whip up a sandstorm itself, which means Gigalith will have to rely on a teammate to set up a sandstorm first before it can actually be effective. It's more of a hassle than it's actually worth, really, especially since items like a Choice Band or a Life Orb do a much better job at boosting attacks.

Gigalith looking like one of those monsters you encounter in your dreams.

Personally, I love Gigalith so much because of its design. It just looks plain monstrous and badass, and I have to say it's such a shame I have never used one before because I could never trade off a Boldore. I'm glad Game Freak decided to reboot the series and rehash some of their earlier designs, because most of them are improved versions of the originals. Gigalith is no different, being more interesting flavor-wise and more complex design-wise, actually resembling a fantasy monster dwelling deep in some dark and scary cave. Pokémon like Gigalith are exactly what makes Unova so great, and we're not done with this generation yet... not by a long shot.

P.S.: I'm on a roll, posting reviews four days in a row. So far, so good. Unfortunately for you, you'll have to wait at least a couple of days for the next one to appear. Bummer.

Rating: 5/5

#522 - #523: Blitzle & Zebstrika

Adorable little Blitzle.

Those of you who have been reading my blog long enough know that I love any animal belonging to the felidae family: tigers, lions, leopards, cougars, servals, lynxes, domestic cats... you name it, I love them all. Oftentimes, feline Pokémon don't quite capture the feel of real-world cats. Persian, Luxray and Liepard are perfect examples of feline Pokémon done well, while Delcatty and Purugly completely miss the mark and Meowstic hasn't yet won a spot in my heart, either. It's a hit-or-miss kind of situation and I have to say it frustrates me to no end.

In any case, the ermine - a common name for the stoat when it's in its pure white winter coat - is my second favorite animal, while the zebra closes out the top three. And that's where the relevancy of this introduction kicks in: Blitzle and its evolution Zebstrika are the first and currently only zebra Pokémon in the franchise (there are three species of zebra in the world, but they all look pretty much the same, so I don't expect new Pokémon based on this animal to pop up anytime soon), and Game Freak have done a phenomenal job creating them, at least design-wise.

Blitzle as seen in TCG.

Of course, we start off with the cute but feisty Blitzle, actually available to players pretty early on in Black and White. While the stripes on Blitzle's body are few and far between compared to a real-life zebra, it is undeniably based on one, with a spiky white mane running up its neck that culminates on its forehead in a long extension shaped like a lightning bolt. Blitzle's mane serves as a lightning rod, because this Pokémon can actually catch lightning with it and store the electricity afterwards, only to discharge said electricity via its glowing mane again. The frequency and rhythm of these bright flashes are in turn used to communicate with each other. But while Blitzle probably has no trouble containing itself, Zebstrika is an ill-tempered Pokémon that can be dangerous when angry, shooting lightning from its mane in all directions. It is as fast as lightning and releases deafening, reverberating thunderclaps when at full gallop. Zebstrika's irritable nature falls in line with how difficult - nigh impossible, even - zebra are to tame and how awfully dangerous they are to ride due to their extreme unpredictability and aggression; they have the tendency to bite, kick, flail and buck much more than other equids do.

Zebstrika is ready to charge at something.

Unfortunately, these characteristics aren't conveyed in Zebstrika's stats and movepool. Its flavor indicates that it's a physical attacker, and that's absolutely true, but the problem is that it lacks the physical attacks to be competitively viable. Base 100 attack and 116 speed stats are nothing to sneeze at, and they could have been good in combination with a Choice Band or Choice Scarf... if only Zebstrika had something to choose from. Sure, Wild Charge is a decent 90-power move, but it deals recoil damage and isn't as strong as similar moves like Flare Blitz, Brave Bird, Head Smash and Wood Hammer, while the only competitively viable move seems to be Pursuit in case you predict a hard switch on the opponent's part. It is therefore better to use it for in-game purposes, as its special attack isn't terrible in that regard and the fire-type Overheat actually hits quite hard; the special attack penalty from that move doesn't even matter if you just click on Return or Wild Charge during the next turn. Life Orb sets on Smogon even revolve around Zebstrika's specially offensive presence, with moves like Volt Switch, Thunderbolt, Overheat and Hidden Power backed up by a Timid nature, but neither a Life Orb nor the ability Lightning Rod (which raises the special attack stat of the user by one stage upon switching into an electric-type attack while granting it immunity to them; Motor Drive does the same but with the speed stat) will be able to save Zebstrika's subpar special attack. Its hidden ability Sap Sipper makes it immune to grass-type attacks and even boosts its attack by one stage when switched into one, but a physical competitive set is not a good idea and the special attack raise from Lightning Rod will come in handy much more.

A good portion of Zebstrika fan art shows how badass this Pokémon actually is.

In the end, Zebstrika's physical movepool is just too shallow for it to be a good Pokémon to use, but that is hardly the reason why I love it so much. I love it because it's a fucking zebra, goddammit! At the time it was released, a zebra Pokémon had been long overdue, and I immediately fell in love with the damn thing. It just looks so badass! And while real zebra seem to be evenly black and white, Blitzle and Zebstrika are mainly black with white lightning-shaped stripes on their bodies, which is a genius tie-in with their electric typing. I was even lucky enough to obtain a shiny Zebstrika during one of the rare occasions I was actually shiny-hunting for a specific Pokémon. You probably suspect me to give Zebstrika a 5-star rating by now, and you would be absolutely correct, because there is nothing about this Pokémon design- and flavor-wise that I don't love. Heck, even its name is cool!

Rating: 5/5

#511 - #512: Pansage & Simisage

The Striaton City Gym Leaders with their elemental monkeys.
From left to right: Cress (from 'watercress') with his water-type
monkey Panpour, Chili with his fire-type monkey Pansear, and
Cilan (from 'cilantro', which is what Americans call coriander)
with his grass-type monkey Pansage.

Holy crap, why does everybody despise these monkeys so much? I mean, I know Pansage, Pansear and Panpour aren't the most original Pokémon in the franchise, but Gen. V basically served as a sort of reboot of the series and a couple of elemental monkeys was Game Freak's brave attempt to teach new and inexperienced players the basics of the type system. While the first Gym usually revolved around rock types prior to Black and White (Brock in Gen. I, Roxanne in Gen. III, and Roark in Gen. IV), the Striaton City Gym had no fewer than three Gym Leaders and you had to fight the one who had the elemental monkey with a type advantage over your starter Pokémon. However, there's an area next to Striaton City called the Dreamyard, where an NPC would give you the elemental monkey that was strong against the one of the Gym Leader you had to fight. More complex type advantages were yours to figure out as the game progressed, but it was a great way to introduce this basic concept to people who were new to the franchise. Of course, this has more to do with gameplay mechanics and less with the designs and origins of the monkeys in question, but even then there are Pokémon that are far worse than Pansage, Pansear and Panpour and their evolutions, so I'm wondering whether the hate for them is justified even a little bit.

Even though Simisage is a grass type, it does look the most
intimidating compared to its counterparts.

I guess the biggest issue most Pokémon fans have with the three elemental monkeys - well, six, but there are three evolutionary lines - is that they're basically the same Pokémon, design-wise and competitively. The fans aren't entirely wrong: Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all have the same base stats and pretty much the same movepool, aside from the different elemental attacks specific to their types. Simisage, the grass-type monkey, therefore works the same way as its elemental counterparts, only with other weaknesses, resistances and type advantages. I don't know if I would recommend Simisage in a competitive setting, because it's quite frail and not very strong, but its base 98 attacking stats aren't so bad you can't do anything with them and its base 101 speed makes it pretty fast. It's better to use it in-game and give it the best physical attacks possible, especially since its special movepool is quite lacking, but I guess a Life Orb or Choice Scarf set with a Jolly nature should do the trick... for a while. Seed Bomb is a strong physical grass-type attack that will hit anything that doesn't resist it quite hard, Gunk Shot is handy to have for fairy types and other grass types, Knock Off is never bad as it gets rid of a foe's item aside from Mega Stones and Z-Crystals (although Crunch or Throat Chop might be more reliable in the end), and Superpower - as well as Low Kick and Brick Break - is a nifty fighting-type move that deals with steel types. Should you have a need for it, Simisage also learns Iron Tail, Rock Slide and Acrobatics, the latter being a base 55 move that gets doubled if the user isn't holding any item.

As for abilities, all of the elemental monkeys get Gluttony as their regular ability, although they could get the starters' signature abilities as their hidden ability depending on their type. As Simisage won't be holding any berry to use up prematurely anytime soon, Overgrow - which boosts grass-type moves by 50% whenever Simisage's HP is at 33% or lower - is the preferred ability here.

Speak no evil.

However, I don't agree with the fans when they say the elemental monkeys all look the same. Sure, it is obvious some design aspects of Pansage and Simisage were reused in Pansear, Simisear, Panpour and Simipour's designs, but this was done to all make them heavily associated as a group. The fact of the matter is that the three evolutionary lines all have different color schemes, hairstyles and flavor texts, which is exactly why I'm reviewing them separately. Even Latias and Latios, who are frickin' legendary Pokémon, look more alike than the elemental monkeys do. They do all share the same origins, though, as they are based on the Japanese tale of the three wise monkeys that together embody the proverbial principle of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", often used to refer to those who deal with impropriety by turning a blind eye. Pansage and Simisage are based on the latter, which becomes apparent when you look at their names: the suffix -sage is probably derived from the German word sagen, meaning 'to say', although 'sage' may as well refer to a type of plant or a wise person, the latter possibly relating to the 'three wise monkeys' motif all elemental monkeys share.

Simisage looking ready to kick someone's ass.

But the idea here is that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour all failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys, with Simisage failing to speak no evil, which is why it is suggested that they are all modeled after Japanese delinquents. I'll talk about the other two later this month, but Simisage seems to be based on yankii (indeed derived from 'yankee'), a Japanese subculture and suburban youth movement that embraces American trashiness, hence Simisage's pompadour haircut and appearance of wearing a leather jacket. Loud, rude and foul-mouthed, yankii openly reject the rigidity of societal norms and welcome rebellion and class distinction, which is probably why Simisage also looks the most like a ruffian compared to Simisear and Simipour and why it is definitely my favorite of the three.

Pansage starts out innocent enough, as it often offers other Pokémon the leaves on its head, which have the power to alleviate exhaustion and relieve stress. Upon evolving into Simisage by use of a Leaf Stone, it grows ill-tempered and fights by swinging its thorn-covered tail around wildly, while the leaves that grow on its crest become incredibly bitter. Oh Pansage, where did you go wrong?

3D art of Simisage.

While I have to admit that Simisear and Simipour look quite silly, it is not really the reason why I love Simisage so much more. I've actually quite bonded with Simisage when I did a grass mono-type playthrough of Pokémon Y, to be honest. I nicknamed my Pokémon after characters from The Walking Dead, but as my Chespin was a lady, it was the Pansage I caught shortly after the start of my adventure who got named Rick and actually carried the team through the entire game. It was a true leader. But the most important reason why I love Simisage so much is that I think it just has a better design overall. Like I said before, it looks more like a ruffian and less like a goofy caricature than its elemental counterparts do, and its intimidating looks make it look cool in some way. Goofiness has its charm, but in this case the cool kid takes the trophy home.

Rating: 5/5

#509 - #510: Purrloin & Liepard

Conveniently enough, the dog and cat Pokémon of the fifth generation can be found back to back in the Unova Pokédex, but the deceptive and miscreant Purrloin and its evolution Liepard couldn't differ any more from the timid and trustworthy Lillipup and its evolutions Herdier and Stoutland even if they wanted to, which I think is doubtful at best.

For some stupid-ass reason, Purrloin is always seen standing
upright in media other than its official art and Gen. V in-game
sprites.

You see, Purrloin is all about getting its victims to let their guard down by putting up a cute act so that it can steal their possessions, just to see the looks on their faces. Due to its charm, it is even forgiven easily when it is caught in the act, so it probably doesn't even see a reason to change its behavior anytime soon. It's just the nature of the beast. Even most of its names across the globe are a play on the word 'steal' - or a synonym thereof - and Páshǒumāo (扒手貓), literally 'pickpocket cat', is by far the most ingenious. Meow. It's a shame Purrloin's felonious nature is dropped when it evolves into Liepard, who gets more of a generic wildcat flavor. As it could draw inspiration from leopards and possibly other spotted wildcats like the leopard cat, ocelot, serval and even the black panther due to it being a dark type and having a dark coloration, it is unsurprising that Liepard's beautiful and slender physical characteristics are at the center of its Pokédex entries. Many Trainers are drawn to its fur and its beautiful form, the latter of which comes from the muscles it has developed and allows it to to run silently in the night, stealthily sneaking up on its target and striking from behind before its victim has a chance to react. It's even been known to vanish and reappear without a warning.

No need to act all haughty, Liepard. What's the problem,
didn't your Trainer provide you the right brand of cat food?

But however cunning Liepard may be, you know you're having a hard time in the competitive scene as an unscrupulous and merciless dark-type cat when you're easily outclassed by a timid and loyal normal-type dog. While Stoutland isn't fast, it is at least able to take a hit and retaliate appropriately, but the only redeeming quality Liepard has is its speed. Its base 88 attacking stats aren't the worst in the metagame, but you should at least have a bit of bulk to back up relatively mediocre offensive stats like that, which Liepard doesn't. That's a problem. I know it has access to its hidden ability Prankster, which lets it act first when it's using a status move, but you'll probably only be able to get off one attack due to Liepard's atrocious defenses. If anything, I would go for a set including a Jolly nature and a Focus Sash, with moves like Fake Out, Knock Off, Thunder Wave and something like Taunt, Encore or Copycat. Fake Out is a weak normal-type move, but it always goes first and some chip damage could turn the game into your favor in the end; Knock Off is pretty much Liepard's best STAB move, as it also knocks off the foe's held item (duh!); Thunder Wave paralyzes the foe and is affected by Prankster; and Encore locks the foe into an undesirable move if played right. Taunt and Copycat are options as well, but Taunt limits the foe to using only offensive moves, which is exactly what you don't want for Liepard unless you specifically meant for it to be death fodder, and Copycat is a status move that lets Liepard copy the move an opponent used last in order to revenge kill them if they're faster. It's gimmicky, but if you can manage to make it work, more power to you.

TCG art of Liepard. It is beautiful and it damn well knows that, too. 

Smogon also mentions weather utility sets (with Rain Dance or Sunny Day while holding a Damp Rock or Heat Rock, respectively) and even a Choice Band set, but... meh? I guess a weather set has its uses, but a Choice Band set isn't particularly recommended due to Liepard's mediocre physical attack and cardboard defenses. You don't even have to worry about its regular abilities, because you won't even need them. Unburden doubles Liepard's speed when its held item is used up (not knocked off), but Liepard doesn't really get anything that it can use effectively this way, aside from maybe a Focus Sash. Limber prevents Liepard from getting paralyzed, but opponents will want to attack it and get rid of it as quickly as possible anyway, so this ability is pretty much useless. Liepard does excel in playthroughs, though. While it has access to both Nasty Plot and Dark Pluse, its physical movepool is actually so much better, and when I did an all-feline playthrough of Omega Ruby I used a Liepard rocking Night Slash (I would totally replace that for Throat Chop now, but that move wasn't around back then), Play Rough, Gunk Shot and Seed Bomb. It is able to learn a few more coverage moves as well, but I just wanted to give you an idea of how diverse its physical movepool actually is and how good it can be in-game. I honestly had so much fun using one in Omega Ruby.

Badass TCG art of Liepard.

It genuinely sucks that Liepard sucks competitively, because I absolutely love this Pokémon. While I like Delcatty and Purugly to some extent, they are kind of bland, and Meowstic hasn't really found a place in my heart, either. Liepard is absolutely one of the better feline Pokémon in the game design-wise: its slender body, its graceful stance, its purple color scheme, its blood-red shiny form and its subtle body features such as the pink 'mask' and the sickle-like tail... my goodness, Game Freak have really stepped up their game with the fifth generation. I could go on like this, but I think I'd bore you to death if I did so, so I'll just conclude this review by awarding Liepard a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5