#225: Delibird

It would be a wise decision not to accept that present, even though
it's alluring. And no, that is not just a bag behind Delibird; that is
its tail.

Santa Claus, my asscrack.

That red-and-white color scheme looks nice and all, and it may give Delibird the appearance of Santa, but Santa doesn't give presents that explode in your fucking face. And Delibird tends to do that. Like, a lot. However, the bag-like tail contains not only exploding presents, but also food it collects for its chicks. It has been known to share its food with humans stranded in icy mountains, and there was once a famous explorer who managed to reach the peak Mount Everest and managed to survive because a Delibird shared its food with him. It's curious Delibird likes to live on mountain cliffs, because penguins are usually native to the southern hemisphere and live in the southern parts of South America and southern Africa and along the coast of Antarctica - they don't even live in the Arctic area. They usually stay in the vicinity of the ocean, and there is a good chance they'll never even get to come near a goddamn mountain in their 20-year lifespans. The 2007 documentary Encounters at the End of the World even contains footage of a lone mentally deranged and disorientated penguin waddling toward the mountains, heading to a certain death. As far as anyone can tell, the penguin is aware of what it's doing, so basically that means it's committing suicide. Harsh.

The feels, man. The feels.

You gotta love this art, only for the fact that Delibird is riding an
Arcanine. That's awesome. 

So, one could wonder why Game Freak made the mountains Delibird's habitat, while penguins apparently can't thrive in mountainous areas. However, they've made some questionable choices in the past, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. What matters is that Delibird - a rockhopper penguin in aesthetics, but a puffin (a penguin-like bird capable of flight) in characteristics - is a terrible Pokémon: it has a base stat total of 330 and its base 75 speed is the best stat it has. And prepare for some more horseshit, because Delibird doesn't even evolve, so you can't get any better; what you see is what you get. Unless you're clever enough to steer away from Delibird and choose another hazard lead, that is. I mean, the combination of Spikes, Rapid Spin and Destiny Bond seems like an interesting tactic, but Delibird's defenses are so ass that it's not even funny anymore. If Delibird had packed a punch, that tactic would have been worth it, but right now Delibird isn't even good enough to use in-game. And I know what I'm talking about, because I was forced to use it in a Pokémon X Wonderlocke once; what's more, it was the first Pokémon I obtained through Wonder Trade and - surprise! - it was the very first Pokémon to fall.

I love Delibird's design, but I hate how useless it is in battles, even despite its good physical movepool - including Fly. It even has two different abilities that do the exact same thing; both Insomnia and Vital Spirit prevent it from falling asleep in battles, and the only difference between the two is that the latter has an overworld effect. It's not even a significant one at that. I would like to give Delibird a perfect rating because I love its design so much, but I just can't. I have to subtract at least half a star because it's just a mere gimmick Pokémon, which means my final rating is a 4.5. Not bad either, right?

Rating: 4.5/5