#550: Basculin

Official art of both Basculin forms, of course drawn by Ken
Sugimori.

I truly feel sorry for Basculin. It seems like this little fishie receives so much hate from everybody in the Pokémon community, and I honestly can't really blame those people. Basculin isn't overly strong, looks quite unremarkable, doesn't evolve into anything and was created as a last-minute addition to the Unova Pokédex when the developers realized there were very few new 'standard' fish Pokémon in Unova, as older Pokémon couldn't be caught until post-game. To make up for the small amount of fish in the region, Basculin was given two forms, but the problem most people have with this is that, in the end, the two forms don't differ all that much from each other to warrant the existence of both of them. The only differences between the Red-Striped and Blue-Striped Basculin are the color of their stripes and eyes and the shape of their fins; while it's fairly obvious which color both of the Basculin forms have, the Red-Striped Forme has round, red eyes and spiky fins and the Blue-Striped Form has blue, slit eyes and smooth fins. On the other hand, these two forms don't take up two separate spots in the Pokédex and do share the same Pokédex entries. Both Basculin are very and hostile and violent in general (when a school of Basculin appears in a lake, everything else except for Corphish and Crawdaunt disappears), but they appear to hate each other so much that they start fighting each other on sight, be it for territory or just for funsies. That's why their White, Y and Alpha Sapphire entries are so confusing; they state that sometimes members of one school of Basculin will mingle with the other's school, but if both forms get along so poorly, surely the members of the one school trying to blend in with the other will be recognized instantly and violently chased away. Right?

The Red-Striped Basculin in this piece of TCG art don't look all
that happy to see this lone Blue-Striped Basculin in their midst.

Fortunately, this angry striped bass is always nothing more than food to organisms stronger than itself, which is why the people in the Pokémon world know for a fact that this Pokémon is so incredibly delicious - one of the rare instances that hint at Pokémon being used for food. But while Basculin itself might be remarkably tasty, its stats are far from that. Its base 98 speed makes it pretty fast and its base 92 attack stat isn't all that terrible, but the base points that went into its special attack could've been put to better use if they had been distributed among its defenses. Basculin is kind of a pushover because it's so frail, even though it has access to a few amazing abilities. The hidden ability Mold Breaker may not be all that necessary on a Pokémon like Basculin, but both forms get Adaptability as their secondary ability, which gives an extra boost to all of their STAB moves and really helps making Waterfall and Aqua Jet hit much harder than they normally do on a water-type Pokémon. You could also opt for Rock Head, an ability that prevents recoil damage and only Blue-Striped Basculin has access to. Normal goes really well with water offensively, so a no-penalty Double-Edge really compliments a move like Waterfall or Liquidation, although Basculin also learns Crunch, Zen Headbutt, Superpower and Head Smash. Crunch is basically a must-have on Basculin, while Zen Headbutt, Superpower and Head Smash are merely optional; the latter is stronger than Double-Edge and gives Basculin some rock-type coverage, but it is also less accurate and deals more recoil damage than Double-Edge does. If you want to exchange durability for sheer power, I'd recommend a Red-Striped Basculin with the Reckless ability, anyway.

You might want to watch out with that, Iris; that thing can be pretty vicious.

Is it sensible to use Basculin in a competitive setting, though? You could go for a Life Orb or Waterium Z set with Adaptability and a Jolly nature, taking advantage of Basculin's strong STAB moves with a revenge-killer tactic involving Aqua Jet, but Basculin is merely a decent Pokémon to use in-game. Because, let's be honest here, Basculin isn't a terribly original Pokémon to begin with. The whole feud thing has been done before with Seviper and Zangoose, and that was executed much better through flavor and game mechanics than they did with Basculin. I actually like this thing a lot, because I used one in an Ultra Moon Wonderlocke and it served me well up until the raid on Aether Paradise, but even I have to admit that Game Freak's attempt to create another blood feud in the Pokémon world is just a bit lame: the two forms of Basculin just look too much alike to take it seriously. However, I do have to say that I've got a slight preference towards the Blue-Striped Forme, design-wise as well as mechanically.

P.S.: Is it me, or is it just weird that Basculin's English name and most of its foreign names contain something along the lines of 'masculine', 'macho' or 'manly'? I know it has a bold and volatile nature, but come the fuck on; by far not all men are aggressive or violent, and besides that, Basculin has a 50/50 gender ratio.

Rating: 4/5

#548 - #549: Petilil & Lilligant

Petilil (left) and Lilligant (right).

While Cottonee and Whimsicott are dual grass/fairy types, the pure grass-type Pokémon Petilil and Lilligant look more like fairies than their counterparts do. In reality, though, Petilil is just a plant bulb and prefers living in soil abundant in moisture and nutrients - in short, it's a plant that needs rich and fertile soil to grow. How incredibly enlightening. Granted, the leaves on its head have revitalizing effects and drive away weariness, even to the point that they're very popular with the elderly, but they taste so bitter that they can presumably cause dizziness. Petilil is based on a plant bulb from the liliaceae family; most of its foreign names suggest that the tulip was the inspiration for Petilil, but its evolution Lilligant (who can be obtained by using a Sun Stone on Petilil) is clearly based on a lily instead. Lilies are often considered pretty and elegant yet fragile flowers, and it's no surprise that Lilligant was designed to be beautiful and regal-looking as a result, donning a scarlet flower on its head complete with yellow filaments and red anther resembling a crown in the middle. Lilligant's beauty makes it very popular with female celebrities, and the 'crown' and 'dress' derived from 18th-century Western high-class women's fashion definitely contributes to that, although it is suggested that the 'dress' actually resembles a ball gown and Lilligant is based on a dancer instead - which isn't such a farfetched theory to begin with, as several of the moves it learns by leveling up (Petal Dance, Quiver Dance and Teeter Dance; it also learns Swords Dance by TM) are about dancing. To coincide with the lily's apparent fragility, the flower on Lilligant's head is very difficult to coax into bloom even for veteran Trainers and will wilt if Lilligant is neglected, but once it does bloom it emits a sweet-smelling aroma that has a relaxing effect on those exposed to the scent.

Elegant and innocent Lilligant.

Competitively... well, I wouldn't recommend using Lilligant in a competitive setting, but should you insist, you'll have to rely on the move Quiver Dance. This is a move with the powerful effect of raising your Pokémon's special attack, special defense and speed stats simultaneously, and only butterflies, moths, a bee fly family and one powerful-ass cockroach can learn the move - as well as Lilligant and Bellossom, apparently. Lilligant already kinda stole Bellossom's dancing shtick and improved on it, as it is faster and stronger than Bellossom, making it a more effective sweeper. The downside to using Lilligant over Bellossom is that it isn't as bulky or versatile; while Bellossom can quite effectively live a hit and then use Quiver Dance and fire away with moves like Energy Ball/Giga Drain, Sludge Bomb and Moonblast, which fill up the rest of its moveset, Lilligant literally only has grass-type special moves in its offensive arsenal and nothing else. Pokémaniacal sums it up perfectly: "Lilligant, unfortunately, doesn’t have a nagging gap in her offensive coverage so much as nagging offensive coverage in her gap." With base 110 special attack and 90 speed, Lilligant could have been a decent sweeper, but it's just no use using a moveset consisting of Quiver Dance, Giga Drain, Petal Dance and Energy Ball, just to come up with something. Sure, there's Hidden Power (rock covers a few of its weaknesses), but that move isn't strong enough for Lilligant to compensate for its lack of offensive moves, and the Sleep Powder/Dream Eater combo is simply too... laughable. Sleep Powder is horribly inaccurate to begin with, and an opponent can always withdraw a sleeping Pokémon at any given moment, making Dream Eater way too unreliable.

Oh, you want set details? Uh huh, well, how does a Timid nature sound? It's a way to make Lilligant as fast as possible, at least. And you want it to have the Chlorophyll ability as well, you say? I mean, if you want to make Lilligant extra weak to fire, go right ahead. It's usually redundant in combination with a move like Quiver Dance and I'd recommend Own Tempo instead, an ability that prevents confusion and therefore works great with Petal Dance. What did you say you want Lilligant to hold? A Life Orb or Grassium Z? Grass is one of the worst offensive typings, but sure... why not? It's not like Lilligant has anything better to make use of, right? There's the Focus Sash, but Lilligant isn't that frail and it outspeeds quite a few things after a Quiver Dance boost anyway, so most of the time it doesn't have to worry about getting hit first.

This artist has done a great job portraying Lilligant in different states and positions,
including a completely withered one. They even threw a Petilil into the mix as well.

Man, man, man, I really wish Lilligant would be a better Pokémon. The worst thing is that Game Freak designed this thing with the intention to make it good in battle, judging by the fact they gave it Quiver Dance and Petal Dance as well as the Own Tempo ability. Lilligant just turned out to be a huge disappointment competitively - or just offensively in general, because even in a playthrough it's just okay. Not that its offensive presence and strong STAB in Petal Dance makes it the worst Pokémon by any means, but its lack of versatility just completely kills the potential it had - and still has, as it's not too late to give Lilligant some sort of type coverage. Come on, Game Freak, Bellossom looks just as fey as Lilligant does, and it has access to both Dazzling Gleam and Moonblast - and Sludge Bomb, for that matter, but that can be attributed to its pre-evolutions Oddish and Gloom being poison types.

But granting Lilligant access to even Dazzling Gleam is just too much to ask, as Game Freak couldn't even get Lilligant's flavor right: Lilligant's Moon entry states that the flower on its head darkens, droops and withers away as soon as it finds a male to be its partner - and Lilligant is a female-only species. I mean, it could get a Pokémon from entirely another species as its partner, but I don't think that's what the Pokédex meant. It's such a shame Lilligant wasn't thought through all that well, because I absolutely love its design and concept, but in the end I'll have to subtract half a point from it. I cannot in good conscience call Lilligant a perfect Pokémon and thereby call it one of my absolute favorites. Not with so many things about it that I critiqued.

Rating: 4.5/5

#546 - #547: Cottonee & Whimsicott

Cottonee drifting on water.

Cottonee and Whimsicott are curious Pokémon. While these Pokémon don't look like any living being in particular, their designs and flavor revolve entirely around cotton. Being a little ball of such lightweight fluff, Cottonee is easily blown around by the wind, and the only instance in which it stays grounded is when it is soaked by rain, which weighs it down and makes it soggy. This Pokémon gathers in large groups during mating season, and when enough of them have collected, the mass resembles a cumulonimbus cloud - and let's be honest, the fact that it travels around wherever the wind carries it is more similar to clouds and dandelion seeds than cotton. But Cottonee wouldn't be as interesting as Jumpluff - or differ as much as it does from Jumpluff in the first place - if its cotton didn't have some useful applications. When attacked, Cottonee shoots cotton from its body to distract the attacker and uses the diversion to escape the dire situation it is in. However, the most useful application of its cotton can be found entirely in its Pokémon Moon Pokédex entry: "Pillows and beds stuffed with cotton exhaled by Cottonee are soft and puffy, light and airy - altogether top quality." Yeah, I can just imagine the fluffy cotton automatically causing the pillow to take on its original shape after each night it's used, which would definitely help me get rid of the annoyance I have with my own fucking pillows sometimes. I wonder if that's the reason why Cottonee and its evolution Whimsicott are apparently based on sheep, although it is not hard to combine sheep with cotton: both are fluffy, both are used to produce garments, both have origins in a legend I will elaborate on when discussing Whimsicott, and both are commonly associated with the concept of sleep (cotton that is used in pillows, counting sheep to help you falling asleep... you name it).

The shiny Whimsicott seems to be confused about why it's here.

The two leaves on the side of Cottonee's body do give it the appearance of a lamb, but Whimsicott (evolves from Cottonee by use of a Sun Stone) obviously has more physical features that make it resemble a whole-ass sheep, even though the woolly coat and ram's horns are only the beginning. Whimsicott's association with sheep is reinforced by its inclusion in the Unova horoscope, in which it represents the zodiac sign of Aries, a.k.a. the ram.* Moreover, Whimsicott may draw inspiration from the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary, a mythical plant that was believed to grow sheep as its fruit. Aside from the fact that this legendary zoophyte - an animal that visually resembles a plant - was used to explain the production of cotton in the Middle Ages, as the plant was unknown in Northern Europe before the Norman conquest of Sicily and travelers who saw it thought wool was growing from it, it also shows that people from 1000 years ago really were blithering morons. Goddamn. Anyway, that's roughly where the comparisons to sheep come to a halt. Whimsicott likes to sneak into houses through the tiniest cracks and cause all sorts of mischief, such as moving furniture and leaving fluffy white puffs in its wake. To quote its Pokémon Sun Pokédex entry: "After it has turned a room into a cotton-filled mess, it giggles to itself and takes off." Very mature. By any means, Whimsicott's fey appearance, trickster personality and ability to ride on whirlwinds are akin to the characteristics of an impish creature from Brazilian folklore called Saci, a one-legged, brown-skinned youngster that lives in forests, rides on the winds and is considered an annoying and incorrigible prankster in most parts of Brazil - there is literally no little harm that he won't do.

*(Personally I'm a Gemini and the corresponding Pokémon in the Unova horoscope is a Klink, which only confirms and invigorates my love for steel types, despite the fact that I really don't believe in this horoscope shit in the first place.)

Wipe that mischievous grin off your face, Whimsicott.

This trickster thing is exactly Whimsicott's shtick in competitive play as well. It's an utter pain the fucking ass if you don't have an answer for it, because its Prankster ability (how fitting!) allows it to move first when it's using any kind of status move. This means that even when your Pokémon is holding a Choice Scarf and should move before most other Pokémon, Whimsicott outspeeds your Pokémon and could paralyze it with Stun Spore (which is a bit inaccurate) in order to prevent it from moving at all. Or Whimsicott could bait your Pokémon with Taunt to prevent it from setting up on its own, use Encore to lock your Pokémon into an unfavorable move, create a Tailwind to increase its entire team's speed by 50% for a couple of turns, or use Defog to remove all entry hazards before it is hit. More uncommon is the use of Leech Seed to get a bit of health back every turn, although it's a status move and allows you catch your opponent by surprise, especially in combination with Substitute. Whimsicott is hit. Of course, Whimsicott needs an offensive move so that it isn't entirely passive, and Moonblast is the best move it gets that provides it STAB. Giga Drain could be preferred over Moonblast because of its effect to drain some of the opponent's HP while still dealing considerable damage, but Moonblast is generally better because grass-type moves aren't that great offensively. To go along with its trickster tactic, people often use a Timid-natured Whimsicott, and its fragility is oftentimes an incentive to give it a Focus Sash in order for it to live a hit at full HP.

Smogon also suggests an offensive moveset consisting of Moonblast, Energy Ball, Psychic and either U-Turn or Defog, along with the Choice Specs to bolster Whimsicott's firepower on the special side of the spectrum or a Life Orb to give a boost to its attacks in general. It's just suggested because Whimsicott has the Infiltrator ability to bypass Substitute and screens and could therefore do 'normal' damage - if you don't count the Choice Specs boost - but its base 77 special attack doesn't make it much of an offensive Pokémon, anyway. And when it comes to its hidden ability... well, Chlorophyll doubles its speed in sunny weather, but Whimsicott is pretty speedy in and of itself and it doesn't really need the boost. Just ignore Chlorophyll (and Infiltrator, while you're at it) and go with the Prankster tactic; it's what Whimsicott is made for.

Whimsicott and its counterpart Lilligant.

Whimsicott is an interesting Pokémon combat- and flavor-wise, and the sheep origins make total sense, but I'm not particularly a fan of its design. It could have been executed a lot better than it was, and if I could redesign it I'd get rid of the old-fashioned hairdo for sure - though with the tale of the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary in mind, the hairdo is not illogical. My light disappointment of it mainly came with the one time I did a fairy mono-type playthrough (with Clefable, Azumarill, Mega Mawile, Togekiss, Whimsicott and Aromatisse), in which it was by far the least offensive Pokémon on my team and fell behind in every aspect except speed. Please note that I don't hate Whimsicott for it; it's just a specific Pokémon to use competitively and it should only be considered if you know exactly what you're doing, while it is just an average Pokémon to use in a normal playthrough. Whimsicott receives some points for its cuteness, as well as for its flavor and origins, and the end result is a decent rating of 4 stars.

Rating: 4/5

#543 - #545: Venipede, Whirlipede & Scolipede

Venipede in TCG, standing in what can only be Roxie's Gym.

From cooing over a cute little caterpillar we proceed to be grossed out by a bug that could easily replace Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. The only problem with that is that Quasimodo is actually quite a nice person, while Venipede is aggressive and insistently expresses its continuous anger by injecting a potent poison. Bird Pokémon that try to prey on it are in for a very rude awakening, and Venipede uses the feelers on its head and tail to pick up vibrations in the air and determine its own prey's location and state. Venipede is dangerous, and it gets worse when this thing evolves into Whirlipede: while usually remaining motionless in order to store energy for evolution, it has the tendency to quickly spin its hard-shelled body like a tire and crash furiously into opponents - especially if it's attacked - and it continues to stab approaching predators with its poisonous spikes. And then... Oh boy, to quote Pokémaniacal here: "Then [Whirlipede] evolves into Scolipede and everything gets a whole lot worse for everyone." He's not wrong; Venipede is already pretty foul-tempered, but its final evolution Scolipede takes more than just one cake. This Pokémon is merciless and brutally attacks anyone in its way, clasping its targets with the claws in its neck and finishing them off with a deadly poison, even chasing them down with great speed when they manage to escape. Suffice to say, it won't give up until it emerges victorious.

Also, I think it's safe to say that Scolipede probably doesn't even have predators anymore, because this thing is a massive 8'02" tall and weighs a solid 442 pounds - a human would be morbidly obese if they weighed as much. Real-life centipedes are pretty scary already (I really don't like bugs, especially when they have more than six legs), but Scolipede is nothing short of absolutely fucking terrifying.

One big happy family... literally.

But while Venipede is categorized as the 'Centipede Pokémon', it is more similar in appearance to millipedes, especially green-colored pill millipedes of the glomeris marginata species. Pill millipedes shouldn't be confused with pill bugs, which are a type of woodlouse from the genus armadillidium and are often known as 'armadillo bugs' as a result. Both pill millipedes and pill bugs are able to curl up into a ball when they're in danger (the woodlice more symmetrically so), which probably explains Venipede's evolution into the cocoon-like Whirlipede. While these two types of bugs look alike, pill millipedes can be distinguished from pill bugs by the fact that they have two pairs of legs per body segment, while pill bugs have only one pair. That, as well as the design of Venipede's final evolution Scolipede, makes me think that this evolutionary line is more so based on millipedes going on centipedes rather than ordinary woodlice. Because let's face it: Scolipede is no woodlouse and isn't just a simple millipede anymore, either - as becomes evident in its name, Scolipede is based on the scolopendra genus of centipede, specifically the species scolopendra gigantea. Also known as the Amazonian giant centipede, this bug can reach lengths up to 12 inches and is known to be venomous and predatory, hunting other sizable arthropods, amphibians, reptiles (including small snakes) and even mammals like bats and sparrow-sized birds - large individuals have been known to employ unique strategies to catch bats in which they climb cave ceilings and hold or manipulate their heavier prey with only a few legs attached to the ceiling. Other scolopendra species can be venomous as well, and bites are reported to cause extreme pain and swelling, but most species are by far not as large as scolopendra gigantea - or Scolipede, for that matter.

Big, bad, scary Scolipede.

Gigantea may be fearsome, and Scolipede even more so judging by its behavior, but competitively this Pokémon doesn't quite live up to its reputation of aggressiveness and brutality. Yes, it's speedy and relatively strong on the physical side of the spectrum, but its cardboard defenses and subpar HP make sure it won't live many hits to begin with. It's best to squeeze your Scolipede in a favorable position so that it can set up with Swords Dance and annihilate the hell out of its opponents with moves like Megahorn, Earthquake and Aqua Tail (Hydro Vortex if powered up by a Waterium Z), although it also learns Poison Jab, Rock Slide, Throat Chop and Superpower, among other things. Definitely give Scolipede a Jolly nature and the ability Speed Boost, the latter of which raises its speed at the end of every turn, and you'll have an excellent end-game sweeper. Don't even bother with any of its other abilities, because Poison Point is just purely situational, and Swarm (ups bug-type moves when Scolipede has less than 33% of its HP remaining) isn't all that useful, even though Megahorn becomes a very dangerous move after applying Swarm and a Swords Dance boost. There's also Protect to pull off a free speed boost, but I don't recommend it because Scolipede can't afford losing any of its offensive moves - or you would want to have Baton Pass, in which case you'll have to Swords Dance up and then use Protect for an extra speed boost, allowing you to pass double stat boosts to another, more powerful Pokémon on your team. Scolipede learns both Spikes and Toxic Spikes, but Spikes needs three layers (and thus requires three turns) to have maximum effect and Toxic Spikes is only really effective if you manage to set up a second layer to badly poison all of your opponents. Scolipede just isn't defensive enough for that, although you could delay its demise by giving it a Focus Sash. It's generally better to stick with its Swords Dance set and give it a Z-Crystal or Life Orb to hold - or a Choice Band, if you are willing to drop Swords Dance in exchange for a strong offensive move.

The most frightening thing about Scolipede is that its legs look so... equine. It's
like a gigantic horse centipede; I'm positive you could make a mean ride on it.

I consider myself lucky that there are no bugs of such extreme size to be found here in the Netherlands - aside from the occasional weirdo that keeps them as pets, obviously. My fear/distaste for big bugs with too many legs hasn't carried over to the Pokémon franchise, and I am simply unfazed by Scolipede being a gigantic, formidable centipede. It's one of the coolest bug types I have seen so far, and it definitely pulled me and the rest of my team through in one of my Y playthroughs - especially since it got a slight boost in its base attack stat as of Gen. VI, anyway. For Pokémon that are supposed to be replacements of some sort for the early-game Kanto bugs (Butterfree and Beedrill), Leavanny and Scolipede are pretty goddamn awesome. The thing is that Scolipede is just slightly more awesome (partly due to its marvelous shiny form) and therefore gets a perfect rating from me.

Rating: 5/5

#540 - #542: Sewaddle, Swadloon & Leavanny

Pinsir, Scyther and Armaldo aren't bad, Scizor and Heracross are even better, and Game Freak did Beedrill and Yanma a huge favor by giving them a respective Mega evolution and regular evolution (Yanmega). On the whole, though, there aren't that many good bug-type Pokémon to be found in the earlier generations, which is partly due to said bug types being such early-game trash: Caterpie, Weedle, Ledyba, Spinarak, Wurmple, Surskit, Kricketot and Burmy turned out to be nothing good offensively and even Paras, Venonat and Nincada are useless to some extent. Heck, Pineco shouldn't be that bad, but Forretress doesn't learn shit for offensive moves and is used as a wall more than anything else, which makes it tricky to use in a playthrough.

Admittedly, Sewaddle is pretty cute for a caterpillar.

Gen. V took a turn for the better when the early bugs were repositioned and weren't even available to you until after beating the second Gym Leader, Lenora. Even then, Sewaddle and Venipede are both excellent options for your in-game team, despite them being the first bug types you happen to run into in Pokémon Black and White. I've actually never used Sewaddle in particular, but I have to say this grassy caterpillar is one of Game Freak's most original bug designs. There's a big, broad, bitten leaf enfolding its head like a hood, which it chews up and then sews using a sticky, thread-like substance extruded from its mouth. This leaf is used by Sewaddle to hide from enemies or gets eaten when food is scarce, but its ability to make its own 'clothes' (or Leavanny does when it just hatches) makes it a popular mascot for fashion designers nonetheless. Sewaddle, then, is of course a combination of 'sew' and 'waddle' (the manner in which a baby walks) or 'swaddle' (to wrap a baby in cloth), with similar references in Sewaddle's Japanese and other foreign names. It shares characteristics with the larva stage of weaver ants, which are arboreal and are known for their unique nest-building behavior where workers construct nests by weaving together leaves using larval silk. However, this Pokémon appears to be based specifically on the caterpillar of the silver-spotted skipper (epargyreus clarus), as they fold leaves over themselves for shelter as they age and, when cocooning, produce silk to stick the leaves together and form its chrysalis.

So perhaps Swadloon is a little bit shy after all, huh?

Speaking of which, Sewaddle's cocoon-like evolution Swadloon definitely looks like its leaves are stuck to its body. A blanket or cloak of leaves is draped over its entire body except for its face, which Swadloon does to protect itself from the cold. It prefers dark and damp places and spends the entire day eating fallen leaves, which it uses to make nutrients that nourish the plant life in the forest. According to Bulbapedia, the appearance of Swadloon hiding in its blanket bears some resemblance to the stereotypical portrayal of people suffering from hikikomori syndrome (a term often used to refer to suddenly reclusive adolescents or adults who isolate themselves from social life in their homes for an extended period of time) in Japanese media, and its evolution into Leavanny being caused by friendship may be a lesson. However, nothing in Swadloon's Pokédex entries points to itn being such a loner, and it's definitely not the only Pokémon that evolves by friendship. Sure, it's based on a cocoon of some sort, but that's hardly a satisfying explanation for the so-called hikikomori origins Bulbapedia claims Swadloon has. Besides, its evolution Leavanny is a very nurturing and parental Pokémon that uses its arm cutters and a sticky silk it produces to create leafy clothing for small Pokémon, which is hardly a trait that can be attributed to people with an acute social anxiety disorder. What makes it more confusing is that Leavanny's Japanese name is actually Hahakomori (ハハコモリ), but komori means 'babysitting', something that is undeniably in Leavanny's nature to do. Additionally, its English name suggests that it was inspired by Levana, the ancient Roman goddess involved in rituals pertaining to childbirth. Go figure.

Amazing 3D art of Leavanny.

Leavanny itself looks a bit like an ant, which harks back to Sewaddle's possible weaver ant larva origins, although it's more likely that its design is derived from phylliidae, a family of not-so-little bugs that look like walking leaves and are more commonly known as leaf insects. Some sources suggest that Leavanny may be based on mantises, choeradodis in particular because of their laterally expanded thoraxes and abdomens, but true leaf insects actually fall under the order phasmatodea and are stick insects rather than mantises - the latter belong to the order mantodea, in fact, and are thus completely unrelated. However, Leavanny's primitive clothes-making skills and aesthetics ('dress', 'collar' and 'paned sleeves') point to it being designed after fashion in the early 1600s.

Leavanny doing some kind of ballet dance... or something.

However interesting Leavanny's origins may be, though, it is by far not a goddess in a competitive setting. It has mediocre HP and defenses, which makes it incredibly vulnerable, and its speed and attack stats don't actually make up for that entirely. Grass and bug are two of the worst offensive types in the arena and that means I don't recommend using it at all. But wait a minute, I said it was an excellent bug type to use, didn't I? Well, yeah, for in-game purposes it is actually an amazing Pokémon that can set up with Swords Dance and annihilate things with a base 103 attack stat and a moveset completed by Leaf Blade, X-Scissor and some kind of type coverage move; Steel Wing works well against fairy and ice types, the latter of which Leavanny is weak to, although Poison Jab isn't bad at all, either. Shadow Claw and Throat Chop are there as well, but both are primarily used against psychic types, and Leavanny has X-Scissor for that. Should you want to use this Pokémon in competitive despite my warnings, I'd recommend a Jolly nature to make this thing as fast as possible and the Swarm ability to make its bug-type moves hit even harder when it has less than 33% of its original HP left (ignore Overcoat and Chlorophyll, you won't need those abilities in the slightest). Let Leavanny hold a Focus Sash so that it can live a hit at full HP and pull a Sticky Web off (or perhaps even a Swarm-boosted X-Scissor after the Focus Sash is used). You should even teach Leavanny Knock Off aside from its STAB moves Leaf Blade and X-Scissor, so that it can get rid of opponent's annoying held items. Smogon even suggested some special sets involving Leaf Storm and Bug Buzz, among others, but Leavanny's base 70 special attack is abysmal in a competitive setting and there are much better special attackers out there. Galvantula, whom I have yet to review, is an excellent bug-type special attacker that can also set up Sticky Web, so I would advise you to just slap physical moves on Leavanny and be done with it.

Leavanny making clothes for its young with a sewing machine in the form of a
Mawile. I love this.

The first Unova bug type may not be the greatest in terms of competitive usage, but at least it's far better in-game than many bug types that preceded it. Leavanny is relatively strong and fast and has one of the most original designs (and origins) I have seen for a bug type so far. Honestly, I'm surprised there isn't that much more to say about this thing other than the fact that it completely deserves the high rating I'm gonna give it. In the end, Leavanny isn't one of my absolute favorites, but a rating of 4.5 stars is still nothing to sneeze at. Unfortunately, though, it is completely overshadowed by the other bug type that can be found in the interior of Pinwheel Forest...

Rating: 4.5/5

#539: Sawk

TCG art of Sawk standing in front of the Unova Pokémon League,
looking as angry as a motherfucker.

Writing this review of Sawk will hopefully be a breeze, because a lot of the things I said about Throh also apply to Sawk. First and foremost, Sawk, just like Throh itself, is based on an oni, a supernatural troll- or ogre-like creature in Japanese folklore that is stereotypically depicted as being either red or blue and is often seen wearing some kind of loinclothes. They normally have horns, and Ken Sugimori once admitted in an interview that Sawk and Throh did have horns when they were still in development, but that was ultimately changed so that they wouldn't be confused with the oriinal designs of Tornadus and Thundurus. Like Throh, Sawk practises a martial arts, but rather than judo Sawk specializes in karate. Its tall and skinny appearance points to this, as does the karategi (complete with black belt) it is wearing, just like a real karateka. This is where Sawk starts to deviate from Throh, as its Pokédex entries state that this Pokémon is very seclusive, as opposed to Throh traveling in packs of five. Sawk trains in the mountains until it has mastered the strongest karate chop possible - without intermissions or sleep - and the sound of its punches against boulders and trees can be heard from all the way down. Sawk gets angry when its training routine is interrupted, and tying its black belt gets it pumped up and makes its punches even more destructive than they already are. Whereas Throh has the tendency to throw larger opponents around without due warning, as its name suggests, Sawk is capable of delivering powerful socks with utmost precision and discipline.

Sawk looking ready to sock it to you.

Throh may look like there's a lot of brutal force behind it, but Sawk is actually the strongest of the two. At base 125, its physical attack is 25 base points higher than Throh's, and it is much faster to boot. Its base 85 speed doesn't make it one of the fastest Pokémon out there, but there are a few ways to get around that. I've seen people running a Salac Berry set, which is an amazing way to raise Sawk's speed without getting hindered by the effects of a Choice Scarf. The only downside to that is that the berry will only be consumed when Sawk's remaining HP is low, but this works tremendously well in combination with Sturdy, an ability that allows Sawk to live any hit at full HP if it would have knocked it out otherwise. This makes Sawk a perfect end-game sweeper, although there are better and more reliable ways to make use of this Pokémon. Sawk benefits greatly from a Choice Scarf, which raises its speed right away but limits it to using only one move consecutively until you switch it out. A Choice Band does the same thing with Sawk's physical attack stat, which makes it an absolute powerhouse. While both sets warrant a Jolly nature, which is even recommended when using a Choice Band, you could breed a Sawk with an Adamant nature should you decide to go for a Choice Scarf instead. The Choice Scarf makes Sawk faster anyway, and some extra power behind its attacks wouldn't hurt anybody but your opponent. Speaking of attacks, Sawk has a lot of moves in its arsenal that it can use: Close Combat is its go-to STAB move, while it has excellent coverage moves like Earthquake, Knock Off, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Poison Jab, the elemental punches, Zen Headbutt, Throat Chop and Dual Chop to its disposal. As for abilities, I've already mentioned Sturdy, but just like Throh it gets Mold Breaker as its hidden ability, which allows it to nullify opposing Pokémon's abilities if its moves would otherwise have no effect on them. For example, Sawk can now hit Levitate Pokémon with ground-type moves, paralyze Pokémon that have Limber and even make Pokémon with Inner Focus flinch.

Speaking of Inner Focus, Sawk also has access to this ability (again, just like Throh), but as it's frail and you want it to hit first no matter what, it is not the greatest ability for it to have. Sure, there's always a chance you'll come across the occasional Pokémon whose shtick is to make your Pokémon flinch as often as possible, but the most common ones are Jirachi and Togekiss - and perhaps even Shaymin - and those are Pokémon with types that Sawk is weak to, meaning you don't want to let it stay in against them in the first place.

Bianca is totally enamored by Sawk's flexing muscles. 

I actually like Sawk well enough, but I have to say that the weird eyebrow thingsie is a little bit off-putting. Moreover, the blue on Sawk doesn't look as good as the red does on Throh, and the latter's beefy appearance and 'come-at-me-bro' stance makes it a lot more intimidating than its counterpart. Also, I don't have quite the bond with it as I do with Throh, which I know is is kind of unfair. Sawk is okay in and of itself, and when reviewing it with its origins and its counterpart Throh in mind, there is no reason why I would give it any fewer than 3.5 stars.

P.S.: Does anybody have the feeling that Sawk should have gotten Guts and Throh should have gotten Sturdy? I think Sawk, having such mediocre HP and defenses, has no business having Sturdy as its primary ability in the first place, but I guess that's just me.

Rating: 3.5/5

#538: Throh

Two male-only fighting-type counterparts with their own specific martial art specialty... Hmmm, does anybody have any idea where I've seen that before?

All jokes aside, though, Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan share their pre-evolution Tyrogue with each other and so they're technically both part of an evolution line, which means I reviewed them simultaneously (along with their third counterpart Hitmontop). Such a thing won't be happening with Throh and Sawk, especially since they will receive different ratings as well.

Throh as seen in TCG. This drawing is actually pretty accurate
as well: one of Throh's Pokédex entries states that this Pokémon
always travels in packs of five.

Even though they have a lot of things in common aesthetically, Throh - red-skinned and beefy and apparently specializes in judo - is unequivocally the opposite of Sawk, who is blue and thin and seems to specialize in the more offense-oriented martial art karate. First and foremost, though, both Pokémon are based on oni, some kind of ogre or troll creatures in Japanese folklore that are usually red or blue and are typically portrayed as hulking fugures with one or more horns growing out of their heads. In fact, according to interviews with Ken Sugimori in Nintendo Dream, Sawk and Throh both had horns when they were still in development. Game Freak did this to make these Pokémon look more like oni, but the horns were ultimately omitted in their final designs and replaced with eyebrows so as not to clash with Thundurus and Tornadus, who were both originally designed to be red and blue. To tie in with the fact that oni are often portrayed wearing something, usually loinclothes, Throh looks like a judoka wearing a white judogi with a black belt, the latter of which it actually weaves from vines and ties around its waist to increase its own power. Throh is driven by an irresistable urge to throw larger opponents, probably trying to prove itself compared to Sawk, who is taller and physically stronger.

Sawk (left) and Throh (right).

However, Sawk is also as breakable as a toothpick, while Throh has above-average defenses and a massive base 120 HP stat, allowing to live a hit from anything that isn't super-effective on it - and sometimes even when a move is super-effective. It takes on the role of Hitmonchan substitute in that regard, as that Pokémon is also a bit more defensive than Hitmonlee, although the latter is just slightly faster and more aggressive and has the same special defense stat as Hitmonchan. Throh, on the other hand, has a significantly better HP stat than Sawk and is much less offensive-oriented than its counterpart as well. The problem with that is that Throh doesn't learn a whole lot of support moves to go with its defensive disposition. Sure, there's Rest and Sleep Talk, but that usually means that Sleep Talk will select Rest when Throh is asleep because of Rest. I'm not a huge fan of this combination - except on a Pokémon that can actually pull it off quite well, like Suicune - and I'd recommend you go for an offensive set. Nothing crazy, mind you, but at least Throh learns a few nifty moves that are available to only a handful of other Pokémon: Storm Throw has a base power of 60 but always results in a critical hit, while Circle Throw has decreased priority but forces the opposing Pokémon to retreat to its Poké Ball. Throh doesn't mind the decreased priority anyway, because it's slow as hell to begin with. In fact, a moveset consisting of Bulk Up, Circle Throw/Storm Throw, Rest and Knock Off isn't that bad, as long as you give Throh a Careful nature to give its special defense a small boost and let it hold the Leftovers so that it can heal up a bit of its HP every turn. Throh also has access to a few great coverage moves if you need them. Poison Jab comes in handy against fairy types; Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Ice Punch or Thunder Punch are perfect against flying types; and Fire Punch, Earthquake and Zen Headbutt are overall handy moves against Pokémon that Throh can't touch with its STAB moves, like bug and poison types.

The trickiest is determining Throh's ability, though. Guts increases Throh's defense by 50% when it suffers from a non-volatile status condition and is amazing when it gets burned or paralyzed (poison is more annoying and takes more HP from Throh every turn than a burn does). As this Pokémon is slow, it is very susceptible to flinching, and Inner Focus prevents that altogether. Finally, Mold Breaker ignores the effects of abilities that could potentially affect the damage or effects of a move that Throh executes, meaning, for example, that Throh can bypass Levitate and use Earthquake as it goddamn well pleases.

A Throh figurine, with its counterpart Sawk standing in the background.

Design-wise, I like Throh a lot more than Sawk: in this case, red looks better than blue, beefy looks better than skinny, and the T-shaped unibrow (which probably wasn't intentional... right?) isn't as stupid-looking on Throh as the reversed S on Sawk. While I like Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan - and even Hitmontop - more or less equally, this isn't the case with Throh and Sawk at all. I even did a Pokémon Y Wonderlocke once, in which I got a Throh that pulled me and the rest of my team through pretty much 95% of the game, until I was so stupid not to heal it when it was facing a fucking Crustle with Rock Wrecker. I have to say I got a bit attached to this bulky bruiser, and for all of the reasons I mentioned I'm giving it a solid 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#535 - #537: Tympole, Palpitoad & Seismitoad

The Machop and Poliwag families almost sit back to back in the Kanto Pokédex, with the Abra line spoiling the fun for them; in Unova we actually get to discuss Tympole, Palpitoad and Seismitoad right after we're done with the Timburr line.

Official art of Tymple, drawn by Ken Sugimori.

To be honest with you, I've always been a little underwhelmed by Tympole and its evolutions, as there doesn't seem to be anything that makes them distinctive enough from the Poliwag family to warrant their very existence. I mean, they even have the same color scheme! Sure, they have supersonic abilities, but I can name a few other Pokémon that have the exact same powers; and when it comes to Seismitoad's typing (water/ground), it is heavily outclassed by the likes of Swampert and Gastrodon, and perhaps even Quagsire. That is not to say that Tympole isn't interesting at all design-wise, as its face looks as flat as a drum, the half-spheres on the side of its head make it look like it's wearing headphones and its eyebrows look like little musical notes. The aforementioned 'headphones' - or 'loudspeakers', rather - are actually rhythmically vibrated by Tympole to create a sound so high-pitched that it is imperceptible to humans, in order to communicate with others of its kind and warn them of danger. They also look like a toad's 'warts' or poison glands, although Tympole's name and Pokédex entries point to them being based on a tympanum, an external hearing structure in animals such as mammals, birds, some reptiles, some amphibians and even some insects. In frogs and toads, the organ is large and oval-shaped and is visibly located behind the eye, while it is simply used to transmit sound waves to the inner parts of the amphibian's ear. Heck, I already said Tympole's face looks like a drum, so its name might very well be derived from big Italian percussion instruments called timpani - also known as kettledrums.

Honestly, Palpitoad is a weird-looking Pokémon in every way
possible: limbless, warty, kinda plump... not Game Freak's best
effort to date. 

Unfortunately, the musical theme is dropped when Tympole evolves into Palpitoad, and the only thing that Palpitoad does that Tympole doesn't is using its ability to vibrate to create giant waves when it's underwater or earthquakes when it's on land - even though it cannot learn Earthquake in any way, shape or form. Palpitoad is a ground type and therefore it's capable to live on land just fine, which means it is based on a toad rather than a frog, but like Poliwhirl it is still a water type - and yes, I do still hold on to my belief that Poliwhirl and Poliwrath are grown-ass frogs, not tadpoles. Also, the bumps on Palpitoad's back, its more toad-like appearance and its ability to create vibrations underwater are derivative of the common Suriname toad, an aquatic amphibian whose back is covered in pockets that hold its eggs - although strangely, Palpitoad's Japanese name Gamagaru (ガマガル) is a corruption of gamagaeru and suggests that it is based on the Japanese common toad instead. Hell, its German name Mebrana even includes rana, a genus of frogs, which is... ahem, NOT what Palpitoad is based on at all. Come the fuck on, Game Freak. You're not gonna tell me you can't be at least a little bit consistent, are you?

"Come at me, bro!"

But then there's big, bad Seismitoad, and I have to say it has grown on me quite a bit. It is good design-wise, at least as far as toads go, and characteristically it has found many more ways to make use of the 'warts' found all over its body. Seismitoad can make all of its lumps vibrate at will, obviously, but it uses this function to make tormenting sounds and catch opponents off guard (unironically, the two bumps right above its eyes may be based on the bells of a traditional alarm clock, an invention that has been tormenting people ever since it came into existence). Some lumps have specific capabilities: the ones on Seismitoad's head can be used to spray a paralyzing liquid - which in my opinion is simply masked language for some kind of poison - and the ones on its fists can be vibrated to give more power to its punches, allowing it to turn a big boulder into rubble within seconds. Seismitoad's punching ability can actually be really dangerous if not controlled, because its hands will vibrate with the resonant frequency of the object about to be hit (in physics, resonance is a phenomenon in which a vibrating system drives another system to oscillate with greater amplitude at specific frequencies), causing extra, devastating damage to said object. Buildings can sway or collapse entirely, while for living creatures it could cause internal organ damage to the extent of possibly rupturing them. Sounds quite lethal, doesn't it?

Seismitoad being protective of its young.

Yeah, well, the problem with that is that Seismitoad isn't very good at punching things when it comes to competitive. Focus Punch is generally not recommended on any Pokémon and Ice Punch should be used on a Pokémon with more offensive presence (Mega Swampert, anyone?), which leaves Drain Punch as the only viable option for Seismitoad to use. And even then Seismitoad can be put to better use by giving it a support moveset of some sort, which should consist of Scald, Stealth Rock and the classic Toxic/Protect combo - or perhaps you could ditch Protect and give it Knock Off instead, so you can get rid of opposing Pokémon's held items. Combine this moveset with the Leftovers, the ability Water Absorb and a Bold nature (lowers its physical attack, but even though that stat is ten base points higher than its special attack, its only offensive move - which is Scald - is special-based), and you'll have a tanky water/ground type that isn't that easy to take down. And yes, alright, Seismitoad's defensive stats aren't very good in and of themselves, but its excellent HP more than makes up for that. There is one offensive set that could actually work, though: a Swift Swim set with a Life Orb and a Modest nature. Swift Swim doubles Seismitoad's average speed when it's raining on the battlefield, so if you somehow manage to let another teammate set up the rain for Seismitoad, you've got a very decent sweeper on your hands. There are exactly four good special moves of different types that Seismitoad can learn, too: Hydro Pump, Earth Power, Focus Blast and Sludge Wave, although you could opt to slap Surf on Seismitoad for more accuracy (100%, against the 80% of Hydro Pump). Seismitoad has access to a lot more physical moves than special moves, so a physical moveset is possible, but keep in mind that Seismitoad cannot learn a single physical-based water-type move, which kind of defeats the purpose of a rain set in the first place.

Seismitoad and its little babies.

I like Seismitoad. It may look hideous, but toads aren't pretty creatures to begin with and Game Freak can't make all Pokémon look aesthetically pleasing. This Pokémon is fine for what it is. Technically, there was no need for it, especially since all other water/ground dual-type Pokémon (Quagsire, Swampert, Whiscash and Gastrodon) serve as bulky support Pokémon, but it is obvious that Game Freak were aiming for at last some Kanto rip-offs during the production of Black and White. This time I'll forgive them for being such lazy asses, because if anything, Seismitoad is just a well-designed Pokémon. The only thing that could have been different aesthetically is Seismitoad's color palette, which should have been green/brown - or something along those lines - to make it at least a little bit more distinctive from Poliwrath design-wise. Then again, if that had been the case, people probably would have thought that it was a Politoed rip-off or something.

Rating: 4/5

#532 - #534: Timburr, Gurdurr & Conkeldurr

In today's episode of 'Blatant Unova Rip-Offs of Kanto Pokémon': Machop, Machoke and Machamp 2.0, only with swelling veins visible all over the surface of their bodies. Yikes.

Timburr ready to attack while tightly holding on to its
squared log.

Conceptually, though, the Timburr family really couldn't differ any more from their Kanto counterparts. While Machop, Machoke and Machamp don't seem to be based on anything more than musclemen, Timburr and its evolutions Gurdurr and Conkeldurr are obviously supposed to be construction workers judging from the objects they're holding, although Machop is most commonly associated with construction sites in its respective region as well: surely you haven't forgotten the empty plot of land in the northeastern part of Vermilion City, where an old man's Machop is preparing it for construction of a building. Timburr - which is a corruption of 'timber' - is always carrying around a squared log with it, hence its name. This Pokémon shows up at building sites to help out with construction, but I can only imagine the wooden beam it is carrying tremendously hinders it in its work. Timburr carries bigger logs as it grows, and once it can handle the lumber without difficulty, it is close to evolving - although in reality, Timburr just evolves into Gurdurr at level 25. Gurdurr - which, similarly to Timburr's name, is a corruption of 'girder' - is known to usually carry an I-beam girder in its arms that it uses to train its muscles. It is so buff, in fact, that even a group of professional wrestlers attacking it won't be able to budge it. Like Timburr, it is found at construction sites, but its Pokédex entries mention it skillfully wielding steel beams to take down buildings rather than... well, construct them. For Pokémon that are supposed to help construct things, they're pretty destructive, although it could be argued that in this profession buildings are often taken down to make place for new ones.

Gurdurr as seen in the anime, briefly putting its I-beam girder aside. 

And then there's Conkeldurr, whose unamused look, troll face, dark-ringed eyes and gray goatee give it the look of an elder from some kind of fantasy game. It is holding two cracked concrete pillars that it uses to carry out a strong attack without the need to actually use physical strength, or as walking canes to support its massive upper body - and in my opinion, the veins up there kinda have the shape of a Macho Brace. It is thought that Conkeldurr taught humans how to make concrete more than 2,000 years ago, and rather than rely on force, it has mastered moves that utilize the centrifugal force of spinning concrete. While similar to Machamp when it comes to typing, gender ratio, base stat total, stat destribution (well... sort of) and evolution method (which is trading), Conkeldurr is actually so much more interesting than its Kanto counterpart, despite the fact that the latter literally has four arms. Not only does Conkeldurr's brutal humanoid appearance suggest inspiration from ogres from all kinds of mythology, folklore and fairy tales, it may also be based on a muscleman carny from a carnival sideshow due to its buff body and clown nose.

Conkeldurr breaking one of its concrete pillars as if it were a
toothpick. Not that it matters, as it is very proficient in making
concrete.

Even though Conkeldurr is reluctant to use physical strength, it does have it. Its base attack is its highest stat, at a whopping 140, followed by some pretty good base 105 HP and decent 95 and 65 defenses. While a base special defense stat of 65 isn't that high by normal standards, Conkeldurr is often used with an Assault Vest attached to it. This item raises Conkeldurr's special defense but limits it to using only offensive moves, which is exactly what this Pokémon should be doing in the first place. An Assault Vest makes Conkeldurr all-around defensive so that it can take a few hits on either side of the spectrum before it gets a chance to attack, because my God, this thing is slow. It also doesn't have a shortage of moves in its arsenal, either, having access to coverage moves like Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Earthquake, Poison Jab, Payback, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch and Knock Off. As for STAB attacks, Hammer Arm and Mach Punch are must-haves: the former lowers Conkeldurr's speed, but that doesn't matter because it's slow anyway (which reminds me to tell you to make sure that its nature is Adamant at all times), and the latter is a priority move with a base power of 40, often used to finish off worn-down opponents. Drain Punch is an awesome alternative to Hammer Arm, especially to keep Conkeldurr 'hydrated' throughout the battle, and goes exceptionally well with its hidden ability Iron First, which raises the power of punching moves - including Hammer Arm - by 20%.

However, the preferred ability for Conkeldurr is Guts, which raises its attack stat by 50% whenever it is affected by a non-volatile status condition (burn, poison and paralysis; sleep and freeze render it immobile). This makes Conkeldurr an unwanted target for moves like Will-O-Wisp, Thunder Wave and Toxic, but once a status condition like that is inflicted on it, it becomes a force to be reckoned with. You could even inflict the burn on Conkeldurr yourself and activate Guts by letting it hold a Flame Orb. Sheer Force isn't a bad ability either, as it removes secondary effects from moves like Rock Slide, Poison Jab and the elemental punches in exchange for 30% more power and works extremely well in combination with a Life Orb or a Choice Band. Guts is still the better ability, though.

According to this guy right here, Machamp and Conkeldurr are his "bruiser bros",
which is one of the best terms I have seen for Conkeldurr to date. 

Conkeldurr is essentially a better version of Machamp, even though the latter has a nice trick up its sleeve concerning the move Dynamic Punch and the ability No Guard. Overall, Conkeldurr is just slightly more defensive and displays a much higher versatility by having no fewer than three great possible abilities as well as an excellent move that keeps its HP in the green: Drain Punch, a fighting-type move that Machamp unortunately doesn't have access to at all - just like Mach Punch, for that matter. Conkeldurr is even more interesting design- and flavor-wise, deriving from ogres/trolls, carnival employees and construction workers, while Machamp only seems to be based on one of these WWE morons (I don't like any sport, but wrestling is extraordinarily stupid) judging by the briefs and belt it is wearing. Just note that I don't hate Machamp by any means - I mean, it has a solid 3.5-star rating on this blog - but I just think Conkeldurr is far superior.

Rating: 4.5/5

#531: Audino

Audino is a benevolent Pokémon, so it's not surprising these
Dedenne are feeling so at ease in its presence. 

Next on the list is the Pokémon that would replace Chansey as Nurse Joy's assistant in Pokémon Centers in Unova. Actually, ever since the Unova region Chansey has retired from being Nurse Joy's assistant altogether, as it's Wigglytuff aiding her in Kalos, while in Alola she's accompanied by Blissey and Comfey. It isn't suprising that a Pokémon like Audino was introduced in a generation that is often regarded as a reboot of the series, and as most older Pokémon didn't show up until the Adventures in Unova arc of the Pokémon anime (in the Black and White games, older Pokémon aren't available until post-game), Audino had to take over Chansey's role of assistant healer in Pokémon Centers. It's the perfect Pokémon for that, as the feelers on Audino's ears act like stethoscopes in that it can feel the beat of another Pokémon's heart in order to assess its mood and overall physical condition. Audino's auditory sense is so astounding, in fact, that it has the radar-like ability to understand its surroundings through slight sounds. Mega Audino even has a secondary pair of feelers with which it can put those who come in contact with them into a deep sleep, while it can release relaxing pulses that reduce hostility. Yup, you've read that correctly: Audino can Mega-evolve. It's the only Pokémon introduced in the fifth generation that is capable of Mega-evolving in the first place, and to this day I have absolutely no idea why. I don't think it needed a Mega evolution anyway, and you'll find my arguments for that in the paragraph about its competitive usage.

D'awww, look at this cutie!

Audino may be an excellent healer, but it fulfils no such role in the Gen. V games. You see, there's a phenomenon called rustling grass, and stepping into it may result in an encounter with a rare Pokémon. The only Pokémon in the rustling grass that isn't rare is Audino, appearing at least 80% of the time in pretty much all of Unova's tall grass. Because of its availability in rustling grass - which, by the way, can easily be triggered by walking back and forth nearby a patch of tall grass for a couple of seconds - as well as the absurdly high amount of experience points you can get from it, battling wild Audino is a fast way to level up your Pokémon when playing Black, White, Black 2 or White 2.

Audino is definitely a Pokémon that can be portrayed as
sickeningly kawaii, so I'll just tone it down for this blog and give
you this moderately cute piece of fan art of Audino with its
Trainer, Hilda.

It's weird that Audino is so easily available in the games, because Game Freak have always kept the Chansey line somewhat rare to obtain. Considering the abundance of Audino to be found all over the Unova region, you'd wonder what this thing is actually based on. Well, Bulbapedia suggests that it seems to be partially based on rabbits; and to be fair, those critters aren't very uncommon in real life, either. However, the similarities to rabbits are not very eminent in its design, and I think Game Freak went for a nurse/physician aesthetic more than anything. The stethoscope-like feelers on Audino's ears also bring to mind a butterfly's antennae - or proboscis - and the ears themselves kind of resemble butterfly wings, which may mean it is based on some depiction of a fairy. As regular Audino, a pure normal type, gains the fairy typing upon Mega-evolving, this theory isn't too farfetched. As for Audino's names across the world, they all contain a pun of some sort. Its Japanese name Tabunne
(タブンネ) is a direct play on tabun ne, meaning 'maybe', as well as tabun ('many are heard') and mimitabu ('earlobe'). In Korean, its name sounds quite similar to its Japanese one: Dabunie (다부니) is a corruption of dabunhi, meaning 'quite'. Audino is of course derived from 'audio', but Game Freak have managed to capture the meaning of the Japanese pun quite well with a pun on the phrase 'I dunno.' Its French name Nanméouïe contains ouïe ('hearing') and is phonetically similar to non mais oui ('no but yes'), but I don't think the latter is a phrase that is used very often in spoken word. By all means, correct me if I'm wrong by leaving a comment below. Finally, Audino's German name Ohrdoch is a pun on oh, doch, which means as much as 'oh, yes, actually', but is also heavily inspired by Ohr ('ear') and Doktor (I don't have to explain what that word means, do I?).

The only name I can't quite wrap my head around is Audino's Chinese name Chàbùduōwáwá (差不多娃娃). I mean, chàbùduō means 'almost' or 'more or less' and wáwá means 'doll', but does that mean that they think Audino is more or less a doll? Maybe Audino is a doll in the metaphorical sense of the word - it is often used in English as a synonym for a nice and kind person; a sweetheart, if you will - but I'm not so sure the word 'doll' has the same metaphorical meaning in the Chinese language as it does in English. I don't quite understand, and I have a feeling I'm not supposed to.

Mega Audino. It appears to be wearing some kind of coat and
boots, which indicates that it may have a resemblance to the
Sweet Lolita fashion style, especially color-wise (white and pink).

And then there's Audino's competitive abilities, which are... subpar. Regular Audino resides in Smogon's lowest tier, PU, because its base stat total of 445 renders it pretty much useless in any competitive battle. With base 103 HP and 86 defenses, Audino tries to be bulky, but it doesn't quite succeed in that. It can take a few hits, sure, and the Wish/Protect combo is as good a strategy as any to make Audino last a little longer on the battlefield, but it simply doesn't cut it. Its terrible offensive stats don't really help either, because they make Audino rely on Toxic for damage. No, you'll need the Audinite, the Mega Stone that allows Audino to Mega-evolve and become... well, not stronger. Bulkier, for sure. Mega Audino does get a slight boost in its special attack, which actually allows you to run a Calm Mind set with Dazzling Gleam, but don't expect to hit too hard, especially since you need a Calm or Bold nature to make Mega Audino as bulky as possible. Wish and Protect are still required, especially since you'll have to wait until the right time to Mega-evolve Audino anyway, because regular Audino has the ability Regenerator: every time a Pokémon with this ability is switched out, it regains a third of its maximum HP. Therefore, I'd recommend not going for Calm Mind at all, but slapping on either Toxic or Heal Bell; Dazzling Gleam is a STAB fairy-type move and hits moderately hard in the first place, so Toxic can provide some excellent residual damage, while Heal Bell lets Audino heal all of your Pokémon's status conditions in one turn. The downside to Mega Audino is that it doesn't get Regenerator as its ability and is, unfortunately, stuck with Healer, an ability that only works in Double Battles. And if there's one thing about Pokémon that I don't know jack shit about, it's competitive Double Battles, so... yeah.

Beautiful, painting-style art of Mega Audino.

Audino has access to a slew of coverage moves many a Pokémon would be jealous of: Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Ice Beam, Thunderbolt, Shadow Ball, Psychic, Psyshock, Wild Charge, Surf, Signal Beam, the elemental punches, Drain Punch, Iron Tail, Knock Off, Throat Chop, Stomping Tantrum, Zen Headbutt... and I don't think that's all yet. These are all moves that Audino isn't going to use, especially not the physical ones; special coverage moves should only be given to Audino when you think it's absolutely necessary, while Knock Off should be given to a Pokémon that can make much better use of it.

Audino does have a lot of support moves to choose from. Rest and Sleep Talk could replace Wish and Protect, but they're more difficult to pull off and should only be used on a Pokémon that doesn't have access to Wish. Magic Coat bounces back status moves to the user, which can come in handy whenever you see a Taunt coming - or annoying status-inflicting moves like Toxic and entry hazards like Stealth Rock and Spikes, just to name a few. Snatch allows Audino to steal an opponent's beneficial status move, but that might not turn out too beneficial for Audino, even though it temporarily hinders the opponent. Encore locks the opponent into the move it last used, while Trick Room is a weird move that allows slower Pokémon to move first as long as the move is in effect. Skill Swap could be used to let Mega Audino swap abilities with the opponent, which means you'll be able to get rid of Healer, at least. Healing Wish makes Audino faint but fully heals the Pokémon that is switched in after it, status condition and all. Then there's moves like Thunder Wave and Yawn, but Toxic is generally better. Substitute isn't misplaced on a bulky Pokémon like Audino at all, and you could even give it Light Screen and Reflect and make your whole team a bit bulkier overall.

Mega Audino and its cute little babies. 

I like Audino, and a lot more than Chansey, too. The whole healer thing has been done before with Chansey and Blissey, but Audino's doctor aesthetics give it a little bit of much-needed personality and flavor. Of course, Audino - or even Mega Audino - has nothing on Blissey, who is far and away the best special wall in the entire game, even though Audino can take physical blows just as well as special ones, which Blissey can't. In the end, I am drawn more toward Audino's design and flavor than Chansey and Blissey's superior competitive utility.

Rating: 4.5/5