#543 - #545: Venipede, Whirlipede & Scolipede

Venipede in TCG, standing in what can only be Roxie's Gym.

From cooing over a cute little caterpillar we proceed to be grossed out by a bug that could easily replace Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. The only problem with that is that Quasimodo is actually quite a nice person, while Venipede is aggressive and insistently expresses its continuous anger by injecting a potent poison. Bird Pokémon that try to prey on it are in for a very rude awakening, and Venipede uses the feelers on its head and tail to pick up vibrations in the air and determine its own prey's location and state. Venipede is dangerous, and it gets worse when this thing evolves into Whirlipede: while usually remaining motionless in order to store energy for evolution, it has the tendency to quickly spin its hard-shelled body like a tire and crash furiously into opponents - especially if it's attacked - and it continues to stab approaching predators with its poisonous spikes. And then... Oh boy, to quote Pokémaniacal here: "Then [Whirlipede] evolves into Scolipede and everything gets a whole lot worse for everyone." He's not wrong; Venipede is already pretty foul-tempered, but its final evolution Scolipede takes more than just one cake. This Pokémon is merciless and brutally attacks anyone in its way, clasping its targets with the claws in its neck and finishing them off with a deadly poison, even chasing them down with great speed when they manage to escape. Suffice to say, it won't give up until it emerges victorious.

Also, I think it's safe to say that Scolipede probably doesn't even have predators anymore, because this thing is a massive 8'02" tall and weighs a solid 442 pounds - a human would be morbidly obese if they weighed as much. Real-life centipedes are pretty scary already (I really don't like bugs, especially when they have more than six legs), but Scolipede is nothing short of absolutely fucking terrifying.

One big happy family... literally.

But while Venipede is categorized as the 'Centipede Pokémon', it is more similar in appearance to millipedes, especially green-colored pill millipedes of the glomeris marginata species. Pill millipedes shouldn't be confused with pill bugs, which are a type of woodlouse from the genus armadillidium and are often known as 'armadillo bugs' as a result. Both pill millipedes and pill bugs are able to curl up into a ball when they're in danger (the woodlice more symmetrically so), which probably explains Venipede's evolution into the cocoon-like Whirlipede. While these two types of bugs look alike, pill millipedes can be distinguished from pill bugs by the fact that they have two pairs of legs per body segment, while pill bugs have only one pair. That, as well as the design of Venipede's final evolution Scolipede, makes me think that this evolutionary line is more so based on millipedes going on centipedes rather than ordinary woodlice. Because let's face it: Scolipede is no woodlouse and isn't just a simple millipede anymore, either - as becomes evident in its name, Scolipede is based on the scolopendra genus of centipede, specifically the species scolopendra gigantea. Also known as the Amazonian giant centipede, this bug can reach lengths up to 12 inches and is known to be venomous and predatory, hunting other sizable arthropods, amphibians, reptiles (including small snakes) and even mammals like bats and sparrow-sized birds - large individuals have been known to employ unique strategies to catch bats in which they climb cave ceilings and hold or manipulate their heavier prey with only a few legs attached to the ceiling. Other scolopendra species can be venomous as well, and bites are reported to cause extreme pain and swelling, but most species are by far not as large as scolopendra gigantea - or Scolipede, for that matter.

Big, bad, scary Scolipede.

Gigantea may be fearsome, and Scolipede even more so judging by its behavior, but competitively this Pokémon doesn't quite live up to its reputation of aggressiveness and brutality. Yes, it's speedy and relatively strong on the physical side of the spectrum, but its cardboard defenses and subpar HP make sure it won't live many hits to begin with. It's best to squeeze your Scolipede in a favorable position so that it can set up with Swords Dance and annihilate the hell out of its opponents with moves like Megahorn, Earthquake and Aqua Tail (Hydro Vortex if powered up by a Waterium Z), although it also learns Poison Jab, Rock Slide, Throat Chop and Superpower, among other things. Definitely give Scolipede a Jolly nature and the ability Speed Boost, the latter of which raises its speed at the end of every turn, and you'll have an excellent end-game sweeper. Don't even bother with any of its other abilities, because Poison Point is just purely situational, and Swarm (ups bug-type moves when Scolipede has less than 33% of its HP remaining) isn't all that useful, even though Megahorn becomes a very dangerous move after applying Swarm and a Swords Dance boost. There's also Protect to pull off a free speed boost, but I don't recommend it because Scolipede can't afford losing any of its offensive moves - or you would want to have Baton Pass, in which case you'll have to Swords Dance up and then use Protect for an extra speed boost, allowing you to pass double stat boosts to another, more powerful Pokémon on your team. Scolipede learns both Spikes and Toxic Spikes, but Spikes needs three layers (and thus requires three turns) to have maximum effect and Toxic Spikes is only really effective if you manage to set up a second layer to badly poison all of your opponents. Scolipede just isn't defensive enough for that, although you could delay its demise by giving it a Focus Sash. It's generally better to stick with its Swords Dance set and give it a Z-Crystal or Life Orb to hold - or a Choice Band, if you are willing to drop Swords Dance in exchange for a strong offensive move.

The most frightening thing about Scolipede is that its legs look so... equine. It's
like a gigantic horse centipede; I'm positive you could make a mean ride on it.

I consider myself lucky that there are no bugs of such extreme size to be found here in the Netherlands - aside from the occasional weirdo that keeps them as pets, obviously. My fear/distaste for big bugs with too many legs hasn't carried over to the Pokémon franchise, and I am simply unfazed by Scolipede being a gigantic, formidable centipede. It's one of the coolest bug types I have seen so far, and it definitely pulled me and the rest of my team through in one of my Y playthroughs - especially since it got a slight boost in its base attack stat as of Gen. VI, anyway. For Pokémon that are supposed to be replacements of some sort for the early-game Kanto bugs (Butterfree and Beedrill), Leavanny and Scolipede are pretty goddamn awesome. The thing is that Scolipede is just slightly more awesome (partly due to its marvelous shiny form) and therefore gets a perfect rating from me.

Rating: 5/5

#453 - #454: Croagunk & Toxicroak

Looks like Croagunk is contemplating its life. 

Okay, so who remembers Brock's Croagunk pulling him away from attractive women? Instead of Misty or Max grabbing him by the ear, Brock gets Poison Jabbed by his own fucking Pokémon for harassing all the girls. (If the #MeToo movement were a thing in the Pokémon world, Brock would be in big trouble.) Getting owned by his own goddamn Pokémon is embarrassing, to be honest, not to mention Poison Jab should have killed Brock a thousand times over. You see, Croagunk is based on the poison dart frog, an amphibian that uses its bright coloration to warn other species of its toxicity, which is called aposematism. The fact that its fingers and and cheek pouches contain a poisonous fluid makes it as lethally noxious as the poison dart frog, yet it has just the right amount of goofiness to act as a comic relief in the anime series. Interestingly enough, the poison from Croagunk's fingers is a crucial ingredient in a medicine for lower back pain, which is... odd. And oddly specific, too; how on earth did they find out Croagunk's poison was essential to creating a remedy for lower back pain? I'm no doctor, and I'm sure not every ache is the same, but it's still a little odd why Croagunk's poison cannot be processed as a cure for other kinds of aches as well.

Croagunk as a playable character in Pokkén Tournament DX.

Anyway, Croagunk is one of only two unevolved Pokémon that can be used as a playable character in Pokkén Tournament DX, the other one being Braixen. I don't know why they didn't just include its evolution Toxicroak, but maybe it has something to do with Croagunk's unfair fighting style? It usually distracts opponents by inflating its poison sacs and making an eerie blubbering sound with those, after which it tries to stab its opponents with its poisonous fingers. However, the Pokédex mentions that Croagunk does this only to survive and that it is normally a mild Pokémon, even though it is literally also a fighting type. It indicates that Croagunk isn't a strong Pokémon to begin with, and doesn't seem to me like Croagunk can compete against the likes of Blaziken, Scizor, Decidueye, Chandelure, Suicune, Gengar, Gardevoir and Sceptile (and a whole lot more). I've never played Pokkén, however, and so I can't say for sure.

Toxicroak in TCG.

What I can say for sure, though, is that I like Croagunk just a little bit better than Toxicroak design-wise. It's not that I think Toxicroak is a bad Pokémon per se, I just think that the bulbous poison sac beneath its chin is incredibly distracting. It would have been better if Ken Sugimori, the artist who provides official art for all Pokémon, had just drawn a red patch on Toxicroak's throat and that its in-game sprites show this patch inflating whenever it croaks. This shouldn't have been hard at all, especially since all Gen. IV sprites move when a Pokémon is sent out in battle and constantly moving sprites were introduced only one generation later. But the sac does serve a purpose, as Toxicroak churns the poison stored in its sac for more potency, channeling it to its knuckle claws through tubes in its arms. Even a scratch from these claws could prove fatal. So Toxicroak can actually be cruel and fearsome as opposed to Croagunk's mild nature, lunging out to opponents with its poisonous claws by swaying and dodging their attacks and weaving its flexible body in close. Its claws and level of ferocity may have been inspired by the hairy frog, which defends itself by breaking its own toes and projecting sharpened bones from its skin, while the spike on Toxicorak's head is reminiscent to some horned frogs and toads in general. Bulbapedia says this spike is part of its skull, and I am inclined to believe them.

Seismitoad (left) and Toxicroak (right) would undoubtedly make
for perfect BFFs.

You'd think Toxicroak's violent attitude displays itself in the competitive metagame, but I honestly have to say this Pokémon's stats are a little disappointing. It has a fair amount of HP, but it doesn't have the defenses to back it up, and its special attack and speed are average at best. Its speed can be fixed with a Choice Scarf, after which its base 106 attack can do the rest, but this means it cannot use Swords Dance or Nasty Plot as it is locked into a single move until it is switched out. With a Swords Dance set, a Jolly or Adamant nature is required (Jolly is generally better due to the slight boost in speed) and physical moves like Drain Punch, Gunk Shot, Sucker Punch, Pursuit, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch, Throat Chop, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, X-Scissor, Knock Off, Poison Jab or Cross Chop are used to fill up the rest of its moveset. Keep in mind that Toxicroak is a poison/fighting type and that it should at least have STAB moves of those two types, as well as a type coverage move - usually something like Knock Off or Sucker Punch. When using Nasty Plot, you're much better off with a Modest or Timid nature and a special moveset consisting of either Sludge Wave or Sludge Bomb, Focus Blast and a type coverage move like Dark Pulse or... well, that's it, basically. It has access to Shadow Ball via TM, but as it already learns Dark Pulse and both dark and ghost cover the same types, that move is pretty redundant. And let's not talk about Mud Bomb, shall we? Maybe you should give it Vacuum Wave, a weak fighting-type move that does give Toxicroak some reliable priority that it doesn't have when running a physical moveset. It would hit pretty hard after a Nasty Plot boost, too.

Either way, a Life Orb is always a great item that gives Toxicroak's attacks some much-needed oomph behind them, whereas its ability Dry Skin gives it an immunity to water-type moves (but a weakness to fire-type moves, unfortunately). The Anticipation ability causes Toxicroak to 'shudder' if an opponent has a super-effective or OHKO move on it, as well as Self-Destruct and/or Explosion, and Poison Touch has a chance to poison the opponent if Toxicroak uses a direct move against it - so it is the exact opposite of Poison Point, where the opponent may be poisoned when it uses a direct move against your Pokémon. Neither ability is all that great, and the water immunity is preferred over Anticipation or Poison Touch.

Toxicroak in the anime, fucking Electivire all the way up.

I've got to give props to Game Freak for creating an interesting Pokémon like Toxicroak, but I have to be honest and say that this Pokémon isn't one of my favorites. There are a few aspects present in its design that I think are distracting (the enormous sac) or that I deem somewhat redundant, and its red upper lip falls into the latter category. This lip gives Toxicroak the appearance of having a mustache, and I think it would have looked better on it if it had been black, really. Also, I have no idea why both of its middle toes are red as well. It's not irritating or something, and they're probably red to have them tie in with the rest of its design, but I don't think it was entirely necessary. Otherwise, this is a great attempt at creating a unique Pokémon with a unique typing, although Game Freak could have done a bit better, especially regarding Toxicroak's stat distribution.

Rating: 4/5

#451 - #452: Skorupi & Drapion

TCG art of Skorupi.

Skorupi and Drapion are an odd bunch, to say the least. There's a pair of pincers on Skorupi's tail where a stinger should originally be, while stingers act as its claws instead of two pairs of pincers. Strangely enough, after burying itself in the sand and lying in wait for a while, Skorupi grips its unsuspecting prey and injects a savage poison into it with the pincers on its tail rather than its stingers. It seems to be a patient little scorpion in the first place, as it waits some more as it tenaciously holds onto its prey until the poison takes effect. While the suggestion that this Pokémon, due to some similarities in characteristics, is also based on a scorpion-like arachnid called the vinegaroon - called that because it emits a volatile acid with a vinegary odor when attacked - isn't entirely out of left field, it is more likely that Skorupi's 'Water 3' egg group designation is a reference to the ancient group of arthropods of the order eurypterida (also known as sea scorpions) that used to inhabit the oceans and may have been the ancestors of modern-day scorpions. Of course, being based on an arachnid justifies Skorupi's bug typing, but it drops this typing in favor of the dark type upon evolving into Drapion at the distant level of 40, making Drapion the second poison/dark-type Pokémon introduced this generation.

Props to the artist for making an already menacing Drapion even
more manacing. 

One complaint about Drapion I've heard way too many times is that it would look better without its accordion-like limbs attached to its head, but - and I agree with Bogleech here - not only would that be anatomically incorrect, it would also look incredibly basic and generic. Drapion looks so cool to begin with because its arms are stuck to its head like that, which also makes it such a weird and unique Pokémon. It could do without the mandible-like protrusions from its mouth, however, because they look strange on it and I don't think they serve any purpose, but I guess that's just a petty thing to mention. Drapion is an aggressive Pokémon who takes pride in its strength, anyway, defeating opponents without the need for the deadly toxins its claws give off and turning trucks and automobiles into scrap iron in a matter of only seconds. It doesn't have a good rapport with humans and other Pokémon, attacking them when they cross its territory, which has only furthered its bum rap. The weirdest thing about Drapion, however, is that it can rotate its head 180 degrees like an owl (including its arms, I assume?) in order to eliminate blind spots, and I imagine that would be a crazy scary thing to behold. As Drapion is a giant scorpion standing 4'03" tall and has a tendency of getting belligerent, it is crazy scary in the first place, so that says a lot.

Sinnoh Elite 4 member Aaron and his signature Pokémon
Drapion. 

The thing is... Drapion's stats don't add up to its flavor text. Its best stat is its base 110 defense, followed by its base 95 speed and 90 attack, which aren't bad but are sadly a bit subpar in a competitive setting. Fortunately, Drapion has access to two helpful abilities: the first is Battle Armor and prevents critical hits from landing on Drapion, which could definitely come in handy when it is trying to set up, while Sniper increases the chance of Drapion landing critical hits on opponents. Especially the latter is run on this Pokémon, often in combination with a Jolly nature, STAB moves like Night Slash and Cross Poison - which have an increased critical hit ratio - and an item like the Scope Lens. It also learns Swords Dance and a wide variety of physical moves, among which the almighty Earthquake (although you could opt to go for moves like Brick Break, Iron Tail, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Aqua Tail and the elemental fangs, as long as you keep its primary STAB moves on it). However, an Adamant Drapion with a Choice Scarf and other STAB moves like Poison Jab and either Knock Off or Crunch could be potent enough to your taste, or maybe you could run one with the same nature but with the move Agility rather than Swords Dance and the held item Black Sludge instead. Perhaps you could let it hold a berry that covers its only weakness (ground; it's called a Shuca Berry) or run Taunt and/or Toxic Spikes if you want to go the supportive way. You could even Pursuit-trap certain Pokémon if that's your style.

There are some crazy talented artists on the Internet, wouldn't you say?

Maybe Drapion will leave you somewhat underwhelmed with its battle prowess when it comes to its competitive use, but it is not a bad Pokémon to use by any means and I reckon it would be a great asset to your team in a regular playthrough. At least Drapion is undoubtedly a very cool Pokémon and it's honestly a shame I've never used it before, so I wouldn't be opposed to using one should the opportunity arise. The fact that it's two different shades of purple that alternate between each other doesn't hurt, either; and while there are a ton of Pokémon with my favorite color, Drapion is just one of the most well-executed examples of a purple Pokémon. I absolutely love this beast.

Rating: 5/5

#434 - #435: Stunky & Skuntank

TCG art of Stunky.

Do British and American people have any idea how cool 'skunk' sounds? We Dutchies call this critter a stinkdier, which literally means 'stinking animal', and I have to say that's pretty unimaginative.

Aside from that, Game Freak went the obvious way with Stunky and Skuntank's poison/dark typing, because God knows skunks are noxious and evil little creatures. Their butt-like faces make their flavor even more ambiguous, even though Stunky's Pokédex entries explicitly state that the foul-smelling liquid it secretes to drive attackers away comes from its rear, which is exactly how a real-life skunk does it (although Stunky and Skuntank's cries do sound like wet farts). The stench can be smelled from over a mile away and lingers around for approximately 24 hours, so in other words, there's nothing overly special to say about Stunky here. There's its feline appearance, but that isn't all that suprising if you think about it: baby skunks are often called kits or kittens, and sometimes the Americans refer to skunks as 'polecats', even though skunks and actual polecats are only very distantly related.

Skuntank is nothing but a larger and nastier Stunky, with a more noxious and dreadful-smelling liquid for it to spray around over distances up to 160 feet; and the longer it allows this liquid to fester within its body, the more powerful the smell. The foul-smelling fermented substance comes from the tip of its tail rather than its rear, and as its tail is bent over its head, Skuntank's name makes a whole lot more sense to me now.

Some examples of Skuntank in TCG art.

Unfortunately, it isn't such a tank in the competitive scene. Sure, it has a good amount of HP and some decent attack and speed, but everything else is mediocre. Skuntank learns Flamethrower by level-up - which, by the way, should honestly say it all - but it can't make use of it effectively due to that mediocre special attack stat. While an in-game moveset can be filled up by Crunch, Play Rough, Iron Tail and Poison Jab (about the only good physical moves it gets, and two of them are egg moves), Sucker Punch and Pursuit are more viable competitively, while Taunt is used to prevent the foe from setting up with anything and Defog can be used to remove hazards like Sticky Web and Stealth Rock from the battlefield. Additionally, the move Haze resets the stat stages of all active Pokémon on the field, which could come in handy if the opponent decides to go full kamikaze on you. That isn't to say that Flamethrower and Fire Blast are unheard of in the competitive metagame, though, especially because they provide excellent type coverage. They're among the few good special-based moves Skuntank can learn as well, although Crunch and Poison Jab are preferred over Dark Pulse and Sludge Bomb due to Skuntank's superior attack stat. Should you decide to go special anyway, Modest is the preferred nature, but Skuntank is more of a physical attacker and I recommend a physical moveset backed by an Adamant nature and maybe something like the Black Glasses as a held item. Some item for utility might be worth your while, too: a Lum Berry heals any status condition whenever Skuntank gets one, while Black Sludge is exclusively for poison types and works exactly like the Leftovers for them. Just make sure Skuntank has the Aftermath ability at all times, as it does some damage to the opposing Pokémon whenever they knock out Skuntank and because the other two abilities just aren't very useful.

Skuntank reimagined as a 'real-life' skunk. This is amazing.

I have absolutely no idea why I put Skuntank on number 42 in my top 50 favorite Pokémon four years ago; if I were to make a top 100 now, it wouldn't even be in it. Conversely, the next Pokémon on my review list (Bronzong) made its way to my top from rock bottom. Funny how that goes sometimes, huh?

Anyway, my statements above don't mean I have come to hate Skuntank all of a sudden. On the contrary, I still think this Pokémon is worth at least 4 stars; I just don't think this Pokémon is anything special and I definitely don't understand how I could love Skuntank to such an extent that I put it on friggin' number 42 in my top 50 back then.

Rating: 4/5

#336: Seviper

So, in a one-on-one battle, who would have the upper hand; Zangoose or Seviper?

Seviper is a savage.

I would want it to be Seviper, and the image on the right certainly gives the impression it does indeed have the upper hand against Zangoose. However, Seviper is frail and Zangoose is strong and relatively fast compared to its version counterpart, which means that Zangoose will most certainly knock Seviper out before the latter even has the chance to set its venomous fangs into its opponent. Real-life mongooses are skilled snake killers as well, so go figure. Provided Seviper can live a hit, though, it can hardly retaliate with a stronger move. The best STAB move it has is Poison Jab, although in this case I'm not even counting TMs and egg moves and the like. I'm overcome by sadness just by saying this, but even in the competitive metagame Seviper never amounts to anything. It has great offensive stats, but poor defensive stats and very lackluster speed, which makes it easy prey for faster and stronger Pokémon. It's a shame, because it has such a good and diverse offensive movepool on both sides of the spectrum to make use of: Poison Jab (I hope you didn't get me wrong; it is a good move), Night Slash, Crunch, Knock Off, Earthquake, Sludge Wave, Sludge Bomb, Flamethrower, Giga Drain, X-Scissor, Dark Pulse, Dragon Tail, Iron Tail and Aqua Tail. Wanna go special? Great, Seviper even has a recovery move in Giga Drain. Wanna go physical? Awesome, Seviper loves to go physical, as you can see in the image above. Wanna go mixed? It'll be little tricky nature-wise, but it's a possibility for sure.

TCG art of Seviper.

And should you decide to use Seviper on your team, you have two great abilities to choose from: Shed Skin has a 30% chance to cure Seviper of status conditions such as paralysis, burn and poison, which is handy when your opponent is constantly throwing moves like Thunder Wave, Will-O-Wisp and Toxic all in your face, but Infiltrator ignores the effects of moves like Reflect, Light Screen and Substitute. While both have their uses, Infiltrator is a little better and doesn't restrain Seviper from attacking at full power, especially if it's holding a Life Orb. My advice to you is to be cautious with that item, though, as it wears Seviper down faster than a Ninjask throwing its first attack at its opponent.

A more realistic approach on Seviper, which makes
it look more like one of those pitvipers called habu.

But the thing I really want to talk to you about is Seviper's design, of which I am a HUGE fan. Its sleek and slender body is usually depicted scrunched up like an accordion, and the moment a Seviper unfolds it body it becomes that more intimidating. Seviper is quite the colorful Pokémon, too, and I want to believe these bright colors - especially those of a shiny Seviper! - are a warning to others that this Pokémon is poisonous. I like how the purple doesn't dominate Seviper's design, by the way. Don't get me wrong: purple is my favorite color, but the subtlety of the scar-like marks - along with the red eyes, fangs, tongue and tail - somewhat gives its design a sense of urgency and makes Seviper much more aesthetically pleasing. The yellow hexagonal markings on its body look like they're coming from some ancient script and indicate that Seviper date way back, which becomes even more apparent when you realize that its feud with Zangoose has gone on for ages on end. Speaking of which, Seviper is based on a species of habu called the elegant pitviper. Habu is a Japanese name to refer to certain species of venomous snakes that were often pitted against mongooses in roadside shows, but this practice is now considered inhumane and is rarely seen today. They're all interesting things for a Pokémon to be based on, but it's a pity Seviper's Pokédex entries weren't developed as much as its design and origin. Of course, most of these entries only mention its ongoing rivalry with Zangoose, countering Zangoose's 'dazzling agility' with its sword-like tail, which Seviper constantly polishes to make it edgier and also oozes a horrible poison. Not that it works much, as Zangoose have become immune to Seviper's poison anyway.

Also, Seviper's FireRed and LeafGreen entries state that it likes to strike unwary prey with its venomous fangs, but the anime has also shown it viciously killing its prey by constriction and asphyxiation only to cut it into a thousand small pieces with its honed tail.

Okay, maybe not that, but it sure coils around its opponents to immobilize them during battles.

Seviper in the anime.

If you have been paying attention, you should probably know by now what Seviper's rating's going to be. I've absolutely come to adore this Pokémon since I used one in my only Alpha Sapphire playthrough, and that adoration has never faded. Its sleek design, the subtle purple, its menacing look, its origin... I love (almost) everything about Seviper. In my humble opinion, Game Freak even managed to make it look more intimidating than Arbok, and with that face pattern on its body Arbok is supposed to be quite the intimidating Pokémon.

P.S.: Which genius ever came up with that Pokémon Trainer's Choice in the anime episode "A Fan with a Plan", episode 37 of the seventh season? Seviper was incorrectly claimed to be an evolution of Arbok, which is... moronity to the nth degree.

Rating: 5/5

#316 - #317: Gulpin & Swalot

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but I was in the process of moving out and I only now have time to write another entry for this blog.

A drooling Gulpin. I wanna bet you should not touch its saliva.

So next up on my list are Gulpin and Swalot, and I have to say they aren't anything special. As Gulpin is a giant green sac, it is probably based on a gallbladder, this green sac-like organ we have to store gastric acid; and since its stomach comprises most of its body, it has the ability to swallow anything of its own size whole. That's nasty. Even nastier is the fact that vile, overpowering gases are expelled from Gulpin's body when its stomach is digesting its food. So it's basically a burping gallbladder with a humongous stomach creating special enzymes that allows it to dissolve anything Gulpin swallows. I'm sorry, Game Freak, but you won't win me over with such stomach-churning antics, if you'll excuse the pun. Unfortunately, Swalot's flavor (no pun intended this time) doesn't differ much from Gulpin's; it's bigger and it's able to swallow bigger things, but its stomach is as digestive as Gulpin's - containing the very same special enzymes with the very same dissolving qualities - and the poison it secretes from its pores (toxic sweat?) to capture living prey with is probably as poisonous as the gases Gulpin emits when its food is being digested. The only thing Swalot can do is expand or contract its body at will so that it can swallow big things, which doesn't surprise me from a creature that is mostly composed of a stomach in the first place.

If you can't find any purpose to Swalot, you can always
use the thing as a beanbag, as May is doing here. 

But can this poisonous gland do anything more than just be disgusting? Well, yes. With base 100 HP and base 83 defenses it is actually kind of a bulky Pokémon in the competitive metagame, but despite the fact that Swalot's attacking stats are somewhat subpar, it is often used as a bulky offensive Pokémon. While a Quiet nature increases its special attack a little (but limits its speed, which doesn't matter because it's slow anyway and you need its attack stat), an Assault Vest boosts its special defense by 50% instantly and the Sticky Hold ability allows it to hold onto its item when the opponent tries to get rid of it, its moveset is actually a mix of special and physical attacks: for STAB you can use either Sludge Bomb or Sludge Wave (the latter is stronger, but Sludge Bomb has a higher chance of poisoning the foe), while it has access to some neat type coverage moves like Giga Drain (its only reliable way of recovery), Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, Seed Bomb, the elemental punches and Earthquake, the latter being physical and the reason why you should run a Quiet nature over a Modest one. However, I recommend using a Swalot with either a Bold or a Calm nature, rocking the Leftovers and a moveset of mostly support moves. The Toxic/Protect combo is a classic stalling tactic, Pain Split is nice to have when Swalot runs out of HP and the opposing Pokémon still has plenty of HP left, and Sludge Bomb - or, yet again, Sludge Wave - is a good move to let Swalot attack with. If you'd rather put the foe to sleep so you can safely switch out to another Pokémon that can handle it, Yawn may be a good option instead of Protect. Steer away from any moves that raise its defenses (such as Stockpile, Amnesia and Acid Armor), as they seem nice but won't make much of a difference in Swalot's case.

Just a Swalot. Nothing interesting to see here.

While I'm not exactly a fan of this line, I don't hate or dislike Gulpin and Swalot in any way. It's a nice concept Game Freak came up with for these Pokémon, but their execution is just so... bland. I know I always say that a plain design can be very effective on a Pokémon (less is more, Persian is a perfect example of that), but right now I wish there was more to Gulpin and Swalot. I would like to explain it to you guys, but I don't think I really have an explanation. However, Swalot isn't completely useless and very narrowly escapes a bad rating because it's purple.

P.S.: What's with the weird whiskers, anyway?

Rating: 3/5

#406, #315, #407: Budew, Roselia & Roserade

Budew in a meadow among the flowers, where it probably feels
perfectly at home.

Readers who have been around for a while probably already know that I'm not that big on baby Pokémon, as I think they are useless and redundant. Pichu was pretty much the only useful one, basically because you could breed Volt Tackle onto it, but even that method can be dumped into the darkest abyss now: there is an NPC in Pokémon Sun and Moon that teaches Volt Tackle to any Pikachu when you show her one. That way, you can breed a Pichu without worrying about attaching a Light Ball to one of the parents and just teach Pikachu Volt Tackle by meeting up with this NPC afterwards. It's a way to make baby Pokémon more redundant, that's for sure. On that note, Budew is probably one of the most insignificant baby Pokémon to have ever been introduced, along with Wynaut. It's a Pokémon based on a rose bud, keeping its buds closed during winter while it endures the cold and opening them during spring to scatter toxic pollen that induces harsh sneezing and runny noses. Thanks, buddy, so you're the one contributing to my mild case of hay fever and actually making it worse to some extent. That's great. It's literally all I can say about Budew, because there's not an interesting thing that can redeem the blandness of its design and flavor.

Roselia.

One generation earlier, though, we had plenty of time to make ourselves familiar with Roselia, Budew's evolution as of Gen. IV and formerly a stand-alone Pokémon. It has the generic grass/poison typing, which seems like a leftover from Game Freak tendency to slap the poison type onto any grass-type Pokémon that looked even remotely venomous. To this day, Bulbasaur remains the only unevolved starter Pokémon being a dual type - other than Rowlet, that is - but it's a mystery to me why it is part poison, because nothing in its and its evolutions' Pokédex entries indicates that they are poisonous; and Oddish is just a clump of weeds that has no business being a poison type in the first place. All these Pokémon do is plant seeds and give off sweet fragrances, just like Roselia does when it's at its healthiest: the healthier it is, the more pleasant its flowers' aromas are. Roselia, however, is most certainly poisonous, as it uses different poisons emitted from the thorns between the flowers on each arm when it attacks and even the thorns on its head contain a vicious toxin. People often try to pick the flowers on its arms, but Roselia makes short shrift of them by shooting sharp and toxic thorns as projectiles. Not that its movepool shows any evidence that Roselia can actually do that, as it doesn't learn anything like Spike Cannon or Pin Missile.

Shiny Roselia is one of my favorite shinies. 

And while it is said that Roselia that drink nutritionally rich springwater may have unusually colored flowers when they bloom, this is not exactly seen in the game mechanics, because all Roselia have a red rose on their right arms and a blue rose on their left arms, all in the same shade. And if the Dex is talking about shiny Roselia: that is not a trait exclusive to this Pokémon, as other Pokémon can be shiny as well without having to drink nutritious mineral water. However, it has to be said that Roselia has a very pretty shiny. The purple and black roses get me every time; the purple one because purple is my favorite color and the black one because it looks so ominous, almost dead, while both colors emphasize Roselia's venomous features very well in my opinion.

As Roserade is a poison type, it should be more
than capable to stand in sludge unharmed.

Roselia wasn't - and still isn't - any good in battles though, except in a regular playthrough. Its base 100 special attack could knock out Pokémon just fine, but its base 65 speed renders it quite slow and its defenses aren't all that, either, especially when you consider that its HP is quite terrible. Fortunately, Roselia hasn't only gotten a pre-evolution in Gen. IV, but also a full-fledged evolution called Roserade. While the evolution method to change Budew into Roselia is needlessly complicated - you have to evolve it in bright daylight at max happiness - exposure to a Shiny Stone is enough to let Roselia evolve into Roserade. While the roses on its arms look a bit strange now, I like its appearance as a whole better than Roselia's: the masquerade attire - mask, cape and bangle - and interesting hairdo give it an elegant look. But don't be deceived, because this Pokémon is actually more dangerous than Roselia. You remember that Roselia's aromas are sweeter the healthier it is? Well, Roserade's fragrances are sweeter the more toxic its poison is, which means that the before-mentioned fragrances will probably not be very healthy for you. Also, Roserade pretty much likes to be a cheater, as it uses hidden whips lined with poisonous thorns to attack with. Each of Roserade's hands contains different toxins, but both hands can jab with near-fatal power - due to said toxins, obviously, not because it has so much physical force.

Roserade as seen in the anime.

On the contrary, its base 125 special attack is where it's at, and at a solid 105 its special defense ain't bad, either. Specially defensive Roserade with a Calm nature and support moves aren't uncommon, and most of the time they're sporting support moves like Synthesis and Toxic Spikes and two attacking moves - usually Giga Drain and Sludge Bomb. Roserade can be an all-out attacker holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb (with a Timid or Modest nature) and sporting moves like Energy Ball (alternatives are Giga Drain, Leaf Storm and Petal Dance), Dazzling Gleam, Sludge Bomb, Extrasensory and Shadow Ball, but it can also be a bulky attacker. How? Well, let it hold an Assault Vest, which won't enable Roserade to use support/status moves but does increase its special defense by 50% instantly. And when it comes to abilities, Roserade has access to an amazing ability called Technician, which increases the power of moves with a base power of 60 or less by 50%. Unfortunately, Roserade doesn't learn any moves that comply with the description above and thus Technician is pretty much unusable on it, unless you happen to want to use some type of Hidden Power or the other. No, you should go with Natural Cure instead, which heals any status conditions Roserade might have caught during the battle upon switching out. Poison Point has a 20% chance to poison the foe when it makes contact with Roserade - usually this happens with physical moves - but it's situational and doesn't go well with Toxic Spikes or Toxic, to name a few moves.

Another anime still of Roserade.

There are a couple of ways to make Roserade work in the competitive metagame, and unless you go physical with it, you can't go wrong. It is strong and not overly slow, can take a few hits and has an interesting design and flavor to boot. I mean, you can't say its concept is bland. I don't love it, but I like it to such an extent that I'm rewarding it with no less (and no more) than 4 stars.

Rating: 4/5

#265 - #269: Wurmple, Silcoon, Beautifly, Cascoon & Dustox

Two Wurmple and their brached evolution lines.

At first sight, Wurmple looks like a pretty unexciting Pokémon. Its design is based on nothing in particular, really, and it seems that it is nothing but your average caterpillar or larva. The fact that it spews some kind of silk that becomes gooey when exposed to the air makes me think of certain aspects of the silkworm, a worm particularly exploited for the fabric production of silk. While in some languages the adult form is referred to as a butterfly (the Dutch word zijdevlinder literally means 'silk butterfly'), it is actually a moth, which may be the reason why Wurmple can go two different ways when it evolves: it can change into either Silcoon or Cascoon, who then evolve into Beautifly and Dustox, respectively. What Wurmple is gonna evolve into actually depends on its personality value, which cannot be influenced or seen by the player, and thus it remains unknown whether it will become a Silcoon or Cascoon until it hits level 7. It's essentially random, so it's better to just catch a Silcoon or Cascoon in Petalburg Woods right away and save yourself the frustration of Wurmple evolving into the wrong goddamn thing. Silcoon and Cascoon share the exact same type, movepool, ability, body style, EV yield and base stat distribution, making them nearly identical, but they occupy two different slots in the National Pokédex nonetheless.

Beautifly (left) chillin' with Vivillon (middle) and Butterfree
(right). 

A silkworm encases itself in its own silk when it enters its pupal stage, and that is exactly what Silcoon is based on. Its official art shows spikes on it, but they're actually strands of silk with which Silcoon attaches itself to tree branches, where it quietly and motionlessly hangs while it awaits evolution. It was thought to endure severe hunger and thirst while waiting to evolve, but it is now known that it slakes its thirst by drinking rainwater and dew that collect on its silk. But as is the case with so many cocoon Pokémon its evolution comes fairly early on, and when it comes... Oh boy, brace yourselves, because there's nothing more terrifying than a territorial butterfly. Beautifly may be pretty, but it is an agressive Pokémon that will jab at foes with its long and curled proboscis if it is disturbed while collecting pollen, its favorite meal. However, as its Japanese name Agehunt (アゲハント) and Mandarin Chinese name Shòulièfèngdié (狩獵鳳蝶) suggest - shòuliè means 'to hunt' - Beautifly is also a hunter that will use its proboscis to drain body fluids from its prey (plus, agehachō and fèngdié both mean 'swallowtail butterfly', which is obviously the inspiration for Beautifly's design). Unfortunately, it is not so savage in-game, as its base stat total is a mere 395. Its base 100 special attack is actually very good, but Beautifly is awfully frail and isn't all that fast either. That's why the move Quiver Dance is a staple in any of Beautifly's movesets, because it raises its special attack, special defense and speed by one stage each when used. The rest of the slots can be filled with Bug Buzz and two other coverage moves. Air Cutter is STAB due to Beautifly's secondary flying type, but it isn't very powerful, so I'd go with Psychic and either Giga Drain or Energy Ball.

Also, should you want to Beautifly it competitively, which is risky as hell, a Timid or Modest nature and a Focus Sash are must-haves. A Timid nature gives it a slight boost to its speed while a Modest nature slightly raises its special attack, and a Focus Sash leaves it at 1 HP when it is attacked at full health and the attack would have knocked it out otherwise. It's a one-time use item, so be careful with it.

Dustox (below), Volcarona (right), Venomoth (top left) and
Mothim (bottom left) all hanging on to a Lampent, even though
it's a myth that moths are attracted to light.

And then we have Cascoon, who hides underneath leaves and inside the gaps of tree branches rather than hanging from them like Silcoon does. It is a grudge-bearing cocoon that will never forget the pain it endures during battles and seeks to get payback upon evolution, even though its silky cask is hard enough to endure attacks. You better hide, then, because you don't want to get chased by a 3'11"-tall moth. Dustox's name is apparent in the fact that its disc-shaped wings contain a noxious dust that, according to the Pokédex, will "even make pro westlers sick". Uhm... what? Since when is immunity to poison an aspect of professional wrestling? I know I don't know a whole lot about sports and the like (actually, I don't know shit about sports), but as far as I'm concerned, pro wrestlers are still human and thus as vulnerable to any poisonous substance as the rest of us. Weird. Anyway, Dustox is based on a Japanese moon moth, actias artemis, or the American luna moth, while its shiny form may be a reference to how moths mimic dead leaves. Dustox is nocturnal and apparently it is instinctively drawn to streetlights, even though actual moths aren't really attracted to light; instead, they navigate by it, operating under the assumption that the source is far away. In fact, the moon is their main source, although artificial lights - streetlights, for example - could mess up the internal navigation systems of certain animals, which is why it's understandable people would think moths are attracted to light when it will likely make them confused. Though that doesn't stop swarms of Dustox from wreaking havoc in towns and cities, where they strip the leaves off trees lining boulevards.

Again, nothing sounds more evil and savage than destroying beautiful trees that were so carefully planted ages ago, but Dustox's competitive utility is really nothing to write home about. Contrary to Beautifly, you'd do best to shy away from using Dustox entirely. Its base stat total is 385, which is only 10 less than Beautifly's, but whereas Beautifly got a boost of 10 base points in its special attack in Pokémon X and Y, Dustox got nothing. Its subpar base 60 HP doesn't make up for its mediocre defense and decent special defense and sure as heck won't prevent it from getting annihilated by a Flamethrower anyway. Its attack and special attack are both a base 50, which is just downright bad. They can't even be saved by Quiver Dance, whereas that move is actually Beautifly's saving grace if played well.

Family picture. Say 'cheese'!

Wurmple is interesting and unique in the sense that it is the only Pokémon with two branched evolutions that can evolve even further. While both second-stage evolutions don't look like much, I absolutely like Beautifly more than Dustox. I used both of them in a playthrough alongside each other and Beautifly was a real powerhouse for as long as it had a Quiver Dance up. Dustox, not so much; I boxed it after the fourth Gym and never looked back to it. I mean, there's an interesting concept behind Dustox's design, but even then I'm drawn towards Beautifly's design and flavor more than Dustox's. By and large, Beautifly is superior to Dustox in every aspect, even its shiny form; thus, I'm going to rate them separately, even though Beautifly's rating is higher by only one star.

Rating Beautifly: 4.5/5

Rating Dustox: 3.5/5

#211: Qwilfish

TCG art of Qwilfish.

You know, fugu has been the most celebrated and notorious delicacy in Japanese cuisine for centuries now, and in the 17 years Qwilfish has been around, nobody thought, "Hey, let's chop this thing to pieces and eat it." Of course, fugu is lethally poisonous, and it was even banned in Japan a couple of times. Only chefs who have qualified after three or more years of rigorous training are allowed to prepare the fish, and preparation of it is strictly controlled and supervised by law in Japan and several other countries. The Emperor of Japan is even forbidden to eat the dish, for his own safety. And as Qwilfish seems to be a mix of the pufferfish and the porcupinefish - both of which are poisonous (pufferfish more so than some species of porcupinefish) and can inflate their bodies by swallowing air or water - it is not a surprise why it's part poison. The concept of the pufferfish could have been very interesting, but there are just a couple of problems with Qwilfish.

Qwilfish fires its spines at its foe after swallowing 2.6
gallons water all at once first.

First off, I feel like its design could have been so much better than it is right now. Many puffer- and porcupinefish look more colorful and interesting than Qwilfish, so I guess Game Freak could have made something better when it came to this Pokémon. Right? I mean, simple designs can be effective, but nothing about this thing makes you go, "OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!!!" No. Second, Qwilfish's flavor is everything a real-life pufferfish can do: like real-life pufferfish, it can inflate its body. It then uses the water pressure to fire poisonous quills at its enemy, which real pufferfish can't do, admittedly, but at least they can extend their spines and emit poison from them. It's not that much of a difference; plus, there are other, more interesting Pokémon that can do the exact same thing. Also, it's a poor swimmer due to its round shape, especially when it is inflated. Fascinating, or nah? Nah, not exactly. Lastly, Qwilfish seems to have mediocre base stats all around. At 95, its attack is its highest stat, while all of its other stats seem to be too low to make anything out of them. I'm gonna try nonetheless.

Now, buckle your seatbelts, kids. It's gonna be a rough ride. (!)

Yes, Qwilfish, you're a doofus. I know.

Oh yeah, I forgot this thing has access to the Intimidate ability, which lowers the opponent's attack stat by one stage. This could turn out to be interesting. At least it makes Qwilfish a decent Spikes or Toxic Spikes setter, especially when you breed one with an Impish nature and invest in HP and defense. And while Taunt (makes the opposing Pokémon unable to use support moves) and Thunder Wave (indefinitely paralyzes the foe) are very common moves for Qwilfish to use as well, an attacking move is absolutely necessary. Waterfall inflicts some decent damage due to Qwilfish's high attack stat, while Scald deals low damage due to its terrible special attack but has a 30% chance to burn the foe. You can also use Qwilfish as a suicide lead, meaning you have to slap Explosion on it and let it blow up first turn - when your opponent has a hyper-offensive team, that is. But Qwilfish has other abilities as well, namely Poison Point and Swift Swim. The first has a chance to poison the opposing Pokémon when it hits Qwilfish with a attack that makes contact, but it shouldn't be used; instead, go with Swift Swim, which doubles Qwilfish's speed in the rain and lets it outspeed many Pokémon, even with an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. Give it a Life Orb or Choice Band, put moves like Waterfall, Aqua Jet and Poison Jab on it (last-minute moves like Destiny Bond and Explosion are also viable options in this set), and you'll make the most out of an offensive Qwilfish. Such a shame it doesn't learn any support moves that raise its attack. There are plenty of tactics you can use, but I still think Qwilfish is an average Pokémon and that you should avoid using it.

Lately, there have been quite some Pokémon on this blog I happen to dislike: Sunflora, Wobbuffet, Dunsparce... and now Qwilfish. And except in Dunsparce's case, I didn't even realize I disliked them in the first place; they were just there and I didn't really care about them. I still don't, in fact. Qwilfish is not as bad as the previously mentioned Pokémon, especially because Game Freak tried to make something out of it, but I guess it's an unexciting Pokémon altogether and it falls just too short to receive a passing grade.

Rating: 2.5/5

#167 - #168: Spinarak & Ariados

People with arachnophobia are advised to back away from this entry, because there gon' be plenty of scary-ass spider talk.

...what the hell am I doing to myself?

Spinarak and its host, Joltik.

Anyways, let's start with the ever-patient Spinarak, who lies still in the same pose for days in its own web, waiting for unsuspecting prey to wander close. Spinarak even lets its prey suffer for hours if they get caught during the day, as it waits to devour them until it becomes dark. And I don't know if this is a trait of real-life spiders, but Spinarak's web can be considered its second nervous system, as it recognizes its prey by the vibrations it feels through the web's threads. More interesting is its origin, at least to me. Spinarak's design is obviously based on the Hawaiian happy-face spider (theridion grallator), which has a face-like marking on its abdomen, just like Spinarak does. Its name is derived from 'spinneret', the silk-spinning organ of a spider, but might also be a combination of the verb 'spin' and 'arachnid'. However, I would like to believe it's more probable that Spinarak's name derives from spinnerak, the Afrikaans word for 'spider web' or 'cobweb'. And as Afrikaans is descended from Dutch (personally, I see Afrikaans as a heavily simplified version of Dutch), it makes much more sense to me that spin, spinrag and spinnenweb - Dutch for 'spider', 'spider silk' and 'cobweb', respectively - are the words that lie at the basis of its name origin, as well as the Afrikaans variant.

From Pokémon (Heart)Gold, LeafGreen and X: "It spins string not
only from its rear but also from its mouth. It is hard to tell which
end is which." Well, I can perfectly tell which end is which, thank
you very much. 

Ariados, on the other hand, is a very smart kind of savage: it attaches silk to its prey and sets it free, only to track down the silk to the prey and its friends. A single strand of a special string is endlessly spun out of its spinneret, but it can also produce silk from its mouth, although it is said that it's hard to say which end is which. Wut? That makes no sense whatsoever, because its mouth and rear don't even look the same in the slightest. I guess the people in the Pokémon world are blind, but whatever. Anyway, that endless string is a reference to the Greek myth of Theseus and Ariadne, wherein Ariadne gave Theseus a ball of twine before he entered the labyrinth to slay the Minotaur, so that he may trail the strand behind him and find his route back to her. There may also be a hint of 'arachnid' and dos (Spanish for 'two') or odosu (Japanese for 'to threaten'; just because Ariados's Japanese name is the same as its English name) in its name, but the reference to Ariadne is just very obvious in this case. And I love references to myths and legends in Pokémon names and lore, even though they are obvious as fuck in all respects, because they allow me to learn a bunch of new things. Honestly, you'd be surprised about the things I learn while doing research for my articles. Of course I already knew about the myth of Theseus and the Minotaur, but you probably get my point.

What would you do if you came across a horde of gigantic-ass
spiders? I'd run; that would probably the best idea. 

Like the competitive utility of certain Pokémon. Sigh... Don't get me started about Ariados, because it has the same base stat total as Ledian, which means it is not a good Pokémon at all. Certainly, with its access to both Sticky Web (lowers opponents' speed by one stage when they switch in) and Toxic Spikes (one layer poisons opponents when they switch in; two layers badly poison opponents, very much like Toxic), Ariados can be a very good lead to any team, especially when you give it a Focus Sash to hold. This item prevents Ariados from fainting when it is hit at full HP and allows it to set up before it gets knocked out, because it is slow as molasses and its defenses are mediocre at best. Might as well run an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one, too, although either would be fine. At least its base 90 attack stat allows it to hit some Pokémon fairly decently before it goes down. It gets access to some very nice moves that Ledian can only dream of: Megahorn, Foul Play and Sucker Punch, the latter of which lets Ariados attack first when the opponent is using a damaging move. Might come in handy. But sometimes Toxic Spikes isn't necessary, and it is generally better to use another, more competent Pokémon to use Sticky Web. In-game, however, it might well be a decent Pokémon to use: Agility doubles its speed, while Poison Jab, X-Scissor and Dig provide for some pretty neat type coverage. Might as well give it a shot.

Well, I'm not going to do that, because I have no intention of using Ariados anytime soon, but that doesn't mean I don't like it at all. In fact, I think Ariados might have potential, but I do not feel inclined to try it out. At least I like its design and origin; and the same can be said about Spinarak. I don't think they're as appealing as Ledian, however, so even though it is a generally better Pokémon to use, it will not get a better - or even the same - rating from me. Alas.

Rating: 3.5/5