#293 - #295: Whismur, Loudred & Exploud

TCG art of Whismur.

Let's do this. Let's end the year with a Boomburst.

Next on the review list are the curious Pokémon Whismur, Loudred and Exploud, who are entirely sound-themed. Rather than being inspired by real-life animals, these Pokémon don't look like any animal from the real world, although they are supposed to represent sound-based items. Whismur (from 'whisper' and 'murmur', both of which mean speaking in a very soft voice) has ears that resemble earmuffs that are used to protect one's ears against loud noises. Beneath those ears are holes that are used to inhale air, and because of this system it can cry continuously without having to catch its breath. Whismur's voice may be very soft - it's inaudible at times, even when you're paying close attention - but when it senses danger, it starts crying at an earsplitting volume equal to the noise a jet plane makes. It startles even itself when it starts crying, which results in it starting to cry harder than ever before and becoming exhausted when it stops. In addition to its earmuff system, as I'd like to call it for convenience sake, Whismur also presumably serves as an electronic amplifier as its butthole resembles an in- or output port.

Is Loudred laughing at something or someone or is it trying to
join a boyband?

And Whismur is not the only one with such a butthole. Its middle evolution also has one, although this is for a more logical reason: Loudred is supposed to resemble a boombox, a portable music system that can play music at a relatively high volume. And that is exactly what Loudred does, as it is able to shout at high volumes by inhaling air then exhaling it using powerful stomach muscles. What's more, by stomping its feet it can generate ultrasonic waves so powerful that they can tip over trucks and blow wood-frame houses to splinters. Loudred's ears serve as loudspeakers, but it will be temporarily deaf when it finishes shouting. Loudred is nothing compared to Exploud, though. Whereas Whismur looks more like a timid toddler and Loudred resembles an awkward but boisterous (pre-)teen, Exploud is the equivalent of your old neighborhood grampa shouting his lungs out at you to get off his goddamn lawn. Sharing features with a pipe organ, a musical instrument known for its loud volume, it uses the tubes on its body to violently draw in air and increase its sound-based attacks. Exploud's bellowing is capable of triggering earthquakes and can be heard from over six miles away.

Damn, I fucking LOVE this art. Such a creepy take on a pocket
monster that is already weird. 

However, Exploud emits whistle-like sounds from the tubes of its body to communicate its feelings to others and only raises its voice in battle. And that is noticable. You see, Gen. VI was very kind to Exploud, giving it access to a move only a few Pokémon can access in the first place: Boomburst. It's a 140-power normal-type move with 10 PP and no negative side effects, and a normal type like Exploud can make tremendous use of it. In fact, Exploud's Boombursts leave holes in entire teams, especially when it is holding the Choice Specs and rocking a Modest nature. It doesn't even matter whether the hit is resisted or not, or whether a specially bulky Pokémon is taking the hit or not, or even whether the victim is a ghost type or not; Boomburst is devastating and the Scrappy ability lets Exploud use normal- and fighting-type moves against ghost types, which would normally be immune to those types. On top of that, Exploud has excellent move coverage in Flamethrower, Fire Blast, Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Surf, Extrasensory and even Shock Wave. Wanna get physical? Sure, why not? Its base attack of 91 is exactly the same as its base special attack, the Choice Specs can be exchanged for a Choice Band, you can slap an Adamant nature on Exploud rather than a Modest nature, and its physical move coverage is as insane as its special move coverage. Watch Exploud wreak havoc with moves like Return, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Crunch, Zen Headbutt, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch and Hammer Arm. It hits hard at both sides of the spectrum, although there is nothing as attractive as wreaking havoc with a 140-power special-based normal-type move with no negative side effects whatsoever. The only downside is that Exploud is kind of slow, which means it hardly hits first.

Exploud with its mouth closed, although it can be opened as wide as Loudred's.

Who cares, though? I've absolutely come to ADORE Exploud. I used one in a playthrough on Pokémon Y and it was by far the strongest member on my team, although a special attack-boosting nature sure helps with that. I didn't think much of Exploud before that; I even thought it was one of the ugliest and most bizarre Pokémon out there, and not the good kind at that. However, I've come to appreciate the weirdness and ugliness of its design recently, and I realize this is one of the most original Pokémon Game Freak have ever created. It's kind of a shame the butthole is replaced by something that is supposed to represent a tail of some sort, but Exploud's design is still really neat. On top of that, Exploud is a beast in competitive play; it is meant to be spamming catastrophic Boombursts and does not mind being locked into this move by Choice Specs. While not my absolute favorite, I think this Pokémon deserves a 5-star rating more than a lot of other Hoenn Pokémon.

Happy New Year, everyone!

P.S.: I like Exploud's Korean and Mandarin Chinese names of Pokumryong (폭음룡) and Bàoyīn'guài (爆音怪), respectively. The former derives from pok (a prefix for 'explosive'), eum ('sound') and ryong ('dragon') - so Exploud is basically an 'explosive sound dragon' according to the Koreans - while the latter literally means 'sonic boom monster'. I love how literal they get in Asia sometimes, while most English names are mostly a play on certain words - Exploud, for example, is a combination of the words 'loud' and 'explode' and a play on the latter.

Rating: 5/5

#290 - #292: Nincada, Ninjask & Shedinja

Nincada as seen in the anime. 

So today we have a couple of ninja cicadas. The basic stage is Nincada, whom I always thought was quite forgettable because it looks boring. It's a bug - a blind one at that, too - and because it cannot withstand sunlight it lives in underground nests at the roots of trees for the majority of its life. Yeah, your blindness is to blame entirely on you, Nincada, so the fact that you have a pair of whisker-like antennae with which you can probe your underground surroundings is a blessing in disguise. I just don't understand how Nincada's evolution Ninjask can see. Not only that; with its base 160 speed, Ninjask is the fastest non-legendary Pokémon in existence and is outsped only by Speed Forme Deoxys (base 180 speed). Ninjask is in fact so fast and moves around at such a high speed that it cannot be seen, even while its cry can clearly be heard. For that reason, this Pokémon was once thought to have the power of invisiblity. Moreover, Ninjask is apparently a bitch to train, as it will disobey its Trainer and cry loudly continuously if it is not trained properly. Not a desirable situation, as hearing its cries for too long induces a headache.

If a Pokémon seems to come from two different directions, you
know that it's fast. 

On top of that, it is kind of terrible in the competitive metagame. It may be fast, but it doesn't have the bulk to take a hit and it doesn't have the attack stat to hit very hard. Its attack is decent, but nothing to write home about, and a Swords Dance boost won't do much for it if it is hit by an attack in the same turn. To prevent losing a turn on a set-up move, you could let it hold a Choice Band, but Ninjask doesn't have a whole lot of coverage moves to make use of. U-Turn is used to gain momentum, whereas Leech Life (this move got a boost in Gen. VII) does quite a lot of damage and heals Ninjask at the same time. Aerial Ace is a move with 60 base power and it's the only physical flying-type move Ninjask has access to, while Night Slash is barely worth considering because it's rather weak. You could consider running an Adamant nature over a Jolly one if you want a little more power behind its attacks, but I don't think that would matter much. A Life Orb will even wear it down faster than you'd prefer, even when of your moveslots contains Leech Life. Finally, both its normal Speed Boost and its hidden ability Infiltrator aren't all that useful; Ninjask is already super fast and the ability to bypass the effects of moves like Substitute, Reflect and Light Screen isn't as useful as you'd think. So whatever situation you're in, you're better off with another Pokémon entirely. It's too bad, to be honest, because I really like Ninjask's design.

Sheddy, you better drop your 'holier than thou' attitude. I'm not
falling for it. 

So is it better to look at Nincada's other evolution, Shedinja? That's right, Nincada has another evolution you could potentially use; in fact, Nincada is the only Pokémon that evolves into two different Pokémon at the same time. If you have an empty slot in your party and a Poké Ball in your bag, Shedinja will magically appear. Well, magically... it is actually the shed exoskeleton of Nincada come to 'life', with an extra halo added to its design. Its unique ability of being a floating carcass incapable of movement makes its secondary typing the ghost type rather than Nincada's secondary ground typing or Ninjask's secondary flying type, but even exoskeletons can be scary: there's a hole in its back that reveals that the inside of its body is actually hollow and dark, possessing no internal organs whatsoever, and it is believed that staring into the black void Ninjask emerged from will cause Shedinja to steal your spirit. You know what the problem is with that? In battles Shedinja's backside is turned to the player character and you're staring straight into the hole on its back. I guess even in the Pokémon world it's merely a superstition, but it's still pretty darn creepy.

However, Shedinja is nowhere near as scary in the competitive scene. Instead, it has the lowest base stat total of all fully evolved Pokémon and it's even the only Pokémon to have a lower base stat total than its pre-evolution. That is due to its unique stat distribution: it is the only Pokémon with only 1 HP - either base HP or actual HP - and because of that trait it has no need for defenses. Shedinja does have base defenses, but they're absolutely useless on it, unless it receives a substitute through Baton Pass and its defense and special defense are factored into damage the substitute takes. Unfortunately, it is also quite slow, but I wouldn't expect anything else from a shed exoskeleton that is only capable of floating, has no fine or gross motor skills and doesn't even breathe.

The entire Nincada family, with Shedinja at the left, Ninjask at the
right and Nincada on top of Ninjask's head. 

But if its stats are so terrible, is Shedinja even usable? Yes and no. Shedinja has the Wonder Guard ability, which renders it immune to 13 of 18 attack types (16 of 18 when it is turned into a water type by using Soak on it, which may be a neat strategy in Double Battles); only moves that are super effective on it - rock, fire, flying, ghost and dark - can knock it out, as well as damaging weather and status conditions, entry hazards, and Leech Seed. Furthermore, it is difficult to determine whether an opposing Pokémon is packing a move that Shedinja is weak to, so it's a gamble using it on any competitive team. Parts of the problem are its base attack stat of 90 - it's decent at best - and the lack of coverage moves. However, it can make better use of status moves like Protect and Will-O-Wisp (burn stalling) and has a priority move in Shadow Sneak. There's also the same option you have with Ninjask - namely, set up a Swords Dance and fire away with STAB moves like Shadow Sneak, and X-Scissor (Shedinja doesn't benefit from the healing element of Leech Life; moreover, this move has less PP) - but there's the risk your opponent counters you and then the entire set-up was for naught. That's alright when you have a bulky Pokémon doing that, but Shedinja can take only one hit with a Focus Sash attached, so you'd do better using it for burn stalling and priority. If played on a team with Pokémon that can change the weather or remove entry hazards, Shedinja might become the pivot of your team. Might.

And, if your team is really being threatened by one or multiple damaging weather conditions, you might have the presence of mind to give your Shedinja the Safety Goggles instead of a Focus Sash. That way, it is at least protected against weather conditions like hail or a sandstorm. Alternatively, a Lum Berry heals any status condition instantly, saving Shedinja from fainting to poison or a burn.

An actual cicada husk, the thing Shedinja is based on. When the adult cicada
emerges from its shell, it flies away and leaves the hollow husk behind. One
thing I learned from writing this article is that cicadas are big bugs. They freak
me out, goddammit!

Shedinja is a remarkable Pokémon and it used to be one of my favorite Pokémon, solely based on its design and flavor. However, when I compare it to other (and new) favorites of mine, I find myself being a tad bit underwhelmed by it, especially since I'm gaining more knowledge about competitive battling. I'm not much of a competitive battler, I have to say, but I've learned a lot since starting this blog and I am positive I could compose a decent team. Ninjask is bad and Shedinja is... a complicated case. I realized I wouldn't even use one in a normal playthrough, so I'll have to deduct at least half a star from its rating, at least for now. What about Ninjask, you ask? Well, I already mentioned that I really like its design, but it's too bad Ninjask is such a frail and relatively weak Pokémon. If only its attack stat was just a little bit better... right? And the same thing goes for Shedinja, too. That means no separate rating; both Pokémon get a solid 4 stars.

Rating: 4/5

#287 - #289: Slakoth, Vigoroth & Slaking

So, we have a lazy sloth evolving into an agressive sloth evolving into yet another lazy sloth. Let's see what kind of explanation Game Freak give for that.

Slakoth basically sleeps 24/7.

Slakoth is the basic stage of this evolutionary line, and for a sloth it's kinda cute in its own way. As you'd expect from a two-toed sloth Pokémon, Slakoth lazes around and sleeps for the majority of the day, needing only three leaves to eat daily because it moves so little. It even has the Truant ability, which lets it skip every other turn in battles and even displays the message, "[insert name] is loafing around!" I've seen people on the Internet giving their Slakoth/Slaking the nickname 'Bread' (bread, loaf, get it?), so there are quite a few puns to be played here. The greater the surprise was when people saw their Slakoth evolve into the agressive Vigoroth, taking on a more 'come at me bro' appearance and swapping the Truant ability for Vital Spirit, which prevents it from falling asleep in battles. Whereas Slakoth's heart beats only once per minute (!), Vigoroth's beats at a tenfold tempo. This Pokémon just cannot sit still at all, not even for a few seconds, and it is only comfortable going berserk, destroying everything in its path by spinning both arms and going even more berserk when it is done demolishing everything around it. I reckon the poor thing even suffers from insomnia, as the blood in its veins grows agitated when it tries to sleep, increasing its stress level and compelling it to go on a rampage once more.

Vigoroth looking energetic and determined.

So the greater the confusion was when Vigoroth converted back into a lazy sloth again. Well, Slaking looks more like an ape than a sloth - specifically a gorilla, although it could be based on a humongous extinct species of sloth called megatherium, or the giant ground sloth - but the sloth features are still clearly present in its design and at least it has gone back to being lazy rather than restless. When it's lounging, it is actually saving up energy to strike back with horrifying power, but Slaking is generally considered the laziest Pokémon in existence. Game Freak, you care to give us any explanation as to why an agressive and chronically restless Pokémon like Vigoroth evolves into a lazy-ass Pokémon again? No? Okay, cool, didn't think you would.

Slaking as encountered in the Petalburg Gym in Omega Ruby
and Alpha Sapphire. Two specimen are used by Gym Leader
Norman, the player character's Dad. 

Aside from the lack of explanation, it's actually a good thing Slaking is the laziest Pokémon in existence. Its base stat total exceeds that of pseudo-legendary Pokémon and matches that of actual legendary Pokémon like Groudon and Kyogre, making it one of the most powerful Pokémon in the entire franchise. This power is being restricted by Slaking's returning Truant ability, which limits it to attacking only once per two turns, but its base 160 attack allows it to make maximum use of Giga Impact, the physical counterpart of Hyper Beam that normally requires a turn for the Pokémon to recharge after using it. Giga Impact has a base power of 150, but because of the recharge turn it's not that good of a move on Pokémon that don't have Truant. On top of Slaking's power, though, it possesses some considerable bulk, having a hefty base 150 HP and excellent base 100 defense. Its base 65 special defense renders Slaking a little frail on the special side of the spectrum, but at least its base 100 speed allows it to move first a lot of the time, especially when you give it a Choice Scarf to hold. Alternatively, a Life Orb boosts all of Slaking's attacking moves (and to be honest, Slaking has a wide physical movepool; it has access to great moves like Earthquake, Hammer Arm, Rock Slide, Gunk Shot, Play Rough and the elemental punches, among others). The only downside is that this item wears it down quickly, while a Silk Scarf only boosts normal-type moves but at least keeps it healthy. Definitely keeping Slaking healthy is the recovery move Slack Off, which heals it for half of its HP, but this can be negated because there is a high chance that Slaking is attacked while loafing around in the turn after using Slack Off.

Slaking fighting Tyrantrum. I like the nod to King Kong here. 

It's a risk to use Slaking, as there are many other good normal-type Pokémon that aren't hindered by Truant, but when used well it can be a great powerhouse. All in all, Slaking has an interesting design and concept behind it, but it is immensely hindered by its terrible ability. As Slaking isn't a special Pokémon by any means - it is easily obtainable by catching Slakoth in Petalburg Woods - and its stats reach almost legendary levels, this is more or less a necessity. However, it brings down my final rating to 4 stars, even though that ain't bad at all, either.

P.S.: Maybe it's me, but is Slaking picking its nose in its Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, HeartGold and SoulSilver sprites? That is so gross, Game Freak...

Rating: 4/5

#285 - #286: Shroomish & Breloom

Damn. It's so weird going back to Gen. III when you've spent so much time hanging out with all kinds of brand new Pokémon...

Official art of Shroomish.

Anyway, today's Pokémon are Shroomish and Breloom, who are obviously mushroom Pokémon. Shroomish seems to be a very basic Pokémon at that, being only a mushroom with a face and little feet. That's pretty much all there is to this thing, aside from the fact that it has a very toxic defense mechanism: when it senses danger, it shakes its body to scatter toxic spores from the top of its head, and these spores can make trees and weeds wilt and cause whole body pain in humans if inhaled. The fact that it likes to live in and feed on compost made of rotten leaves doesn't help its cause, either. Fortunately, this disgusting little thing evolves fairly early on in Breloom, a hybrid of a mushroom and a kangaroo, although the shape of its head and tail resemble the body structures of certain armored dinosaurs, specifically ankylosaurs and pachycephalosaurs. Yeah, Breloom is as weird as it sounds. However, we all know that fighting is common in almost all species of kangaroos and that these excellent brawlers wield a fighting style reminiscent to boxing. While Breloom may have short arms and awkward feet, its fighting technique is equal to that of professional boxers (Ruby's Pokédex entry even states this technique puts pro boxers to shame). Its short arms can be stretched by Breloom in order to deliver fast punches, and its light and springy footwork allows it to get close to opponents. Breloom doesn't shy away from a little cheating, however, as it uses the holes in its cap to release spores that can incapitate opponents, allowing it to close in on them.

Breloom taking a stance reminiscent to dinosaurs. I think it's a
pretty cool piece of fan art! 

Which, by the way, is exactly the technique it uses in competitive play: residing in OU, the Smogon tier with Pokémon that are used the most, Breloom has access to a combination of moves and abilities that make it a force to be reckoned with. Shroomish learns Spore by level-up, which is a perfectly accurate move (not counting evasion boosts on the opponent or accuracy drops on Breloom) that puts the opponent to sleep and is exclusive to only mushroom Pokémon, meaning Parasect, Breloom, Amoonguss, Shiinotic and their pre-evolutions. Of course, Smeargle can learn it through Sketch, but let's not go there right now. Because Breloom has access to Bullet Seed, which deals 25 damage a pop for a minimum of two times and a maximum of five times, and the 40-power priority fighting-type move Mach Punch, it should have the Technician ability. This ability boosts moves of 60 base power or less by 50% and is great in combination with the moves I just mentioned. Grass/fighting is an awesome combination only resisted by uncommon types like poison and bug, and with a Swords Dance up Breloom hits like a fucking truck. Technician is better than Effect Spore, which has a 30% chance of paralyzing or poisoning the opponent or putting them to sleep when they make direct contact with Breloom, or even Poison Heal, which heals Breloom a little each turn rather than damaging it when it's poisoned. If you want power over priority, you can use Force Palm over Mach Punch instead (no one does that, though), whereas Swords Dance isn't all that necessary and can be replaced by a coverage move like Rock Tomb, especially when Breloom is holding a Life Orb and has an Adamant nature. This nature is often run over a Jolly one due to Breloom's mediocre base speed of 70, putting emphasis on Breloom's power (base 130 attack!) instead.

"Are you okay, sweetie? You look so angry."

Breloom is an interesting Pokémon, but I feel like it wants to be a zillion different things at the same time, even though it doesn't particularly have a busy design going on. Hybrids are not uncommon in the Pokémon franchise, but when you're trying to stuff at least three things that normally have nothing to do with each other in one design, you gotta watch out a little. Breloom is a solid Pokémon with a solid typing and a solid position in Smogon's competitive scene, but it's not one of my favorites.

Whew! I sure missed 'criticizing' Pokémon like that, goddamn!

Rating: 4.5/5

So what do I think about Pokémon Sun and Moon?

December 18th, 2016

That's right, bitches, I'm back! But before I continue reviewing Pokémon - my review of Shroomish and Breloom should be up tomorrow, or at least the day after that - I'm gonna devote an entire article on a review of Pokémon Sun and Moon. And I can safely tell you that THEY'RE FUCKING AWESOME!!! (Disclaimer: SPOILERS ALERT! Yeah, this article contains some spoilers, both major and minor, so anyone who hasn't played the games yet should proceed with caution.) I wasn't even this excited when I played through Pokémon X and Y, as its story wasn't as compelling as Black and White's - and, by extension, Black 2 and White 2's - and I didn't completely feel like embarking on a whole new adventure. Black and White and their sequels did give me that feeling, however, and thus they have remained my favorite Pokémon games, even after Gen. VI.

Until now, that is, because Sun and Moon have so many features that felt familiar yet fresh - or just fresh altogether - that they give you the experience of starting something new. The age-old concept of Gyms, for example, isn't present in Gen. VII and has been replaced by the Island Challenge. This is a rite of passage for burgeoning Pokémon Trainers in the Alola region, in which Trial Captains give you certain tasks to complete, Totem Pokémon with buffed stats provide some real challenge in order for you to pass your trials and Kahunas form the final obstacle for you to proceed to the next island, which give the games a fresh feeling. Grid-based movement is done away with entirely and you can now freely move in every direction using the circle pad, including when you make use of the Ride Pokémon that have replaced HMs (no more HM slaves, yay!). Furthermore, the characters in Sun and Moon have so much more personality than characters in previous games and you grow attached to them very quickly, especially Lillie and Gladion; I almost cried when Lillie left for Kanto, and I'm a grown man of 26, goddammit! There are so many cutscenes that it's as if the characters have a lot more involvement in the storyline, which almost makes the game feel like a long anime - and I love that. Speaking of the storyline: it evokes so many feelings, emotions and what-the-fuck reactions that it's just not funny anymore. Lastly, the overworld and battle backgrounds just look downright stunning, and it was an immense pleasure wandering through Alola two times in a row (I bought both games).

Of course, not an unimportant contribution to Sun and Moon's success are the Pokémon that are introduced in these games. They have better designs, have better or more interesting gimmicks, are better in the competitive scene and are more abundantly found all over the new region than the Pokémon introduced in X and Y - although I have to admit that the Gen. VII Pokémon are quite slow on the whole. That sometimes became a little bit cumbersome in both of my playthroughs, because only five of the twelve Pokémon on both games' teams have a high speed stat, two of which are Alola Formes of Pokémon that already existed and weren't slow in the first place (for those who want to know my full teams: my team in Sun consisted of Incineroar, Toucannon, Vikavolt, Lycanroc Midday Forme, Dhelmise and Alolan Ninetales, whereas my Moon team consisted of Decidueye, Alolan Raichu, Ribombee, Wishiwashi, Salazzle and Bewear). And these Alola Formes are an interesting bunch, to say the least. They're also called 'regional variants' and are a different take on a couple of Gen. I Pokémon. I've taken a neutral approach towards most of them, although I came to love and hate a few. I absolutely fell in love with Alolan Raichu and Alolan Vulpix and Ninetales, whereas I hate what they did to one of my favorite Pokémon, Persian. Ugh. I'll review all regional variants prior to the original Alola-based Pokémon when I'm done reviewing the Kalos-based Pokémon, which is quite a while from now, but I can say that most of them are as good or interesting as or only a little bit better than their regular counterparts.

By the way, I just have to mention that Alolan Dugtrio and its so-called fabulous hair are by far the dumbest things to have been introduced in Sun and Moon, but Dugtrio is a pretty dumb Pokémon to begin with, so it's not a big loss.

I also like the brand new Pokédex entries for already existing Pokémon. They're either a lot more interesting or savage and provide some pretty good insight on the natural habitat of some Pokémon.

[Beginning of long-ass summary of exciting new Pokédex entries.]
Corsola is far worse off in the Alola region, for example, because it is terribly overhunted by Pokémon called Mareanie and Toxapex for the delicious branches on its head. Toxapex's Sun entry even says it leaves a trail of Corsola bits scattered in its wake. That is savage. But Corsola is not the only Pokémon that should suddenly fear for its life: weeping Cubone attract Mandibuzz, who keep a keen eye out for it and its evolution Marowak in order to feed on them and adorn themselves with their bones to attract nonexistent males. Also, Metapod now risks spilling its innards out when it moves too much, which I thought would be solely Pyukumuku's trait, and many Pikachu were almost used as slaves in a goddamn power plant. Pokémon are often useful sources for all kinds of equipment, it seems, because excavation of tombs of ancient hunting tribes has turned up many spears tipped with spikes that had fallen off the shells of Cloyster, and warriors in times long past used the 'feathers' that had fallen off from Skarmory's wings as swords. Spinarak and Ariados's threads of silk are still used for their own weaving by the people of Alola, most of which include strong fishing nets. I like Spinarak a whole lot less now that I know that it waits on heedless Cutiefly to fly into its web, by the way. Awww, my adorable little Cutiefly... :'(

Anyway, moving on to some more interesting new Pokédex entries (yes, I'm planning on catching up a little, although entries for Pokémon I have yet to review are not included here). While we knew from Gold and Silver that the tails of Slowpoke are a delicacy, this wasn't mentioned in its Pokédex entries until now: cooking in Alola involves drying Slowpoke tails and then simmering them into a salty stew. Gengar was already a Pokémon to watch out for, but now it is known that it was once human and takes the lives of other humans because it desperately wishes for a traveling companion. Brrr, creepy. Also creepy is Magnezone, who seems to be receiving signals of unknown origin and transmits signals of unknown purpose. Additionally, there have been many mistaken reports of UFO sightings whenever this Pokémon flies through the sky. Primeape can now die as a result of staying mad all the time, although its face looks peaceful in death. That is quite lurid, but also a little sad. And when it comes to Drowzee, we already knew it finds fun dreams the tastiest thing ever, but it shows befriended people the most delicious dreams it's ever eaten, which I find really disturbing.

Even more terrifying are the frantic people who go out of their way to find, train or depend on certain Pokémon for one thing or another, even though they know these Pokémon are dangerous, or who have just too much time on their hands. For example, people who suffer from insomnia consider Hypno their savior, while it is known to feast on their dreams and even for abducting people; and because Mismagius have been known to cast spells on people to make them fall in love, some people search for this Pokémon as if their lives depend on it. The red gem on Golduck's head is said to grant supernatural powers to those who possess it, causing Golduck to have been quite overhunted in the past. And some people are so spellbound by the length of Goldeen's horn and the beauty of its fins that they train nothing but Goldeen. Seaking's fandom is even devided into two groups that do not get along well: the one group are horn enthusiasts and the other group are fin enthusiasts. Even a mythical Pokémon like Dratini doesn't escape the whims of humanity: boots made from the shed skin of a Dratini are apparently a super luxury item, and there once was a fisherman who pulled one up after a 10-hour struggle, but at least it could confirm its existence. Damn, some people really need to get a life.

The natural habitat and behaviors of some Pokémon also play a big role in their Pokédex entries. Surskit, a waterstrider, is often seen fighting over food with a new bug/water Pokémon called Dewpider, while Elekid and Togedemaru brawl over each other's electricity (a pretty even match) and the controlled mushroom that is called a Parasect often finds itself in fights over territory with that ugly new mushroom Pokémon called Shiinotic. Yeah, fairies aren't all pretty. Some Pokémon's biological structure even give it a certain distinction: the younger a Leafeon is, the more it smells like fresh grass, and its fragrance takes on the odor of fallen leaves the older it becomes. Magmortar can launch fireballs of over 3,600°F from its cannon-like arms, but when it fires off a barrage of fireballs, its arm begins to melt. And while we all know the swirl on Poliwag's belly is actually its intestines showing through, it is quite easy to determine whether Poliwag is affected by some kind of disease, as this swirl is tinged white when it's ill.

And have you ever heard of ghosts and piles of sludge that are on the verge of extinction? Well, regular Muk is apparently going extinct because of environmental improvements, as is Haunter, because it fears light and large cities are being kept brightly lit at night. Not on the verge of extinction at all is Magikarp, who is actually quite fertile and exists in such multitudes that many people had quickly grown sick and tired of seeing it. Game Freak don't shy away from some superstition either, as regular Vulpix spews flames that seem to resemble the spirits of the deceased and most people mistakenly think this fire is a ghost, and legend has it that Ninetales was formed when nine saints coalesced into one. Also, Pokémon wouldn't be Pokémon without a bit of inconsistency: regular Diglett's Sun entry mentions that farmers can find it quite a pest because it chews on plant roots underground, whereas its Moon entry says many farmers cherish and nurture Diglett because its droppings enrich the soil it lives in. And, not unimportantly, Exeggcute's Pokédex entries have gone back to calling them eggs instead of seeds of some sort. The people at Game Freak should make up their fucking minds, goddamn...

By the way, shout-out to Porygon's Pokédex entry, which states that roughly 20 years ago it was artificially created by using the latest technology of the time, in order for it to convert its body into digital data and enter cyberspace. That's a nice way of mentioning Pokémon's 20th anniversary!
[End of long-ass summary of exciting new Pokédex entries.]

I apologize for that long summary, but I wanted to catch up on Pokémon I've already reviewed and this was the perfect place and opportunity to do just that. Megas now also have their own distinctive Pokédex entries, but those were getting a bit too much and they're pretty predictable anyway; they mainly elaborate on the Pokémon they Mega-evolve from and they're honestly not really all that interesting.

There are more exciting things to be discovered in Pokémon Sun and Moon, however, among which the amazing buffs some Pokémon got. Some of the most notable are Masquerain, with +20 base points in both speed and special attack, and Pelipper (ugh) and Torkoal, who now have access to Drizzle and Drought, respectively. NPCs now give you substantial amounts of cash if you finish the fairly easy sidequests they have for you, like catching a certain Pokémon and showing them its Pokédex entry afterwards. Playing through the games is now easier than ever and getting lost is damn near impossible, as the map of the Alola region moves along on the Rotom Pokédex as you go (it's visible on the bottom screen of your 3DS) and your destination is marked with a red flag on a round, white background.

The three most important features are - in my opinion - Pokémon Refresh, Poké Pelago and the return of Trainer customization. Refresh is pretty much Pokémon-Amie, but it has been improved heavily and now allows you to patch up your Pokémon after battles, including a medicine set to get rid of status conditions like poison, burn and paralysis. I spent so much time playing with my Pokémon that they all had max affection by the time I invaded Aether Paradise. Additionally, Poké Pelago provides you not only with a way to obtain Poké Beans you can feed your Pokémon in Refresh, but also with places where you can excavate rare items and farm berries without them withering. Handy! I never used Amie or berry farms prior to Sun and Moon, but Game Freak heavily improved and facilitated these features and actually made me use them frequently, which is no mean feat. Lastly, Trainer customization is back and everybody's excited about it. There are more clothes for your player character to wear, but most of them are a zillion variations on a couple of different things. Still, you can make your player character look significantly different than the standard set of clothes it's wearing at the beginning of the game, and I love buying clothes (in-game and in real life), so it's a win-win situation.

Of course, I could be nothing but positive about Sun and Moon, but the games are not without their flaws. It sucks ass that I can't choose my hairstyle and hair color before I give the hairdresser a substantial amount of Poké cash, although that's a minor annoyance. More irritating is the lag that occurs during Totem and Double battles; I can endure it for as long as the battle lasts, but not when there are a couple of Double battles in a row, for example. It is rumored that the lag only occurs on the old 3DS, which I use, but I don't think the New Nintendo 3DS is flawless, either. At least it's something Game Freak should look into. Also, I still don't know how I feel about the Ultra Beasts. Mega evolutions are one thing, because they're just more powerful versions of Pokémon that already existed and were a perfect way for Game Freak to experiment with crazy Pokémon designs at the time, but Ultra Beasts are just a little bit too weird for my taste. Coming from another world/dimension, they don't really feel like Pokémon and don't really fit in with the rest, even though they are registered in the Pokédex as such and have the same features normal Pokémon have as well: base stat totals, types, moves, natures, and abilities - although all of them have Beast Boost, an ability exclusive only to UBs. I liked doing the UB post-game content, but I still don't know how I feel about their extreme and otherworldly designs.

Having said that, it should be mentioned that Celesteela is by far my favorite Ultra Beast. Because, y'know, steel is still the best and most awesome type present in the games.

One more thing I have mixed feelings about is the presence of Z-Moves, extremely powerful moves that can be activated if a Pokémon knows a move of a certain type and is holding the corresponding Z-Crystal. For example, if Machamp knows Brick Break and is holding the Fightinium Z, it can unleash the powerful All-Out Pummeling. There is a Z-Move for each and every type, but the power of these moves depends on the move the Pokémon extracts its Z-Power from, meaning a Gigavolt Havoc coming from a Volt Tackle deals more damage than one coming from a Spark. Additionally, a Z-Move will always be physical if a physical move is selected (e.g. Solar Blade) and will always be special if a special move is selected (e.g. Solar Beam), making perfect use of a certain Pokémon's strengths. A Z-Move can only be used once during the entirety of the battle, which means you shouldn't give all of the Pokémon on your team a Z-Crystal. My problem with these Z-Moves is that they are too powerful and make the game too easy when you're using them frequently, which is why I limited myself to letting only one Pokémon on my team hold a Z-Crystal (Steelium Z on Dhelmise in Pokémon Sun and Aloraichium Z on Alolan Raichu in Pokémon Moon). Indeed, one could argue that I'm not obliged to give my Pokémon a Z-Crystal, and that would be true; even when a Pokémon is holding a crystal, it is not mandatory to select the corresponding Z-Move. However, the animations of these Z-Moves look absolutely stunning and are a true visual treat, even though they tend to run for a longer time than normal moves do, which didn't particularly bother me. All in all, I think Z-Moves just take some getting used to.

Despite my doubts about UBs and Z-Moves, though, Sun and Moon were just outright AMAZING! Like I said at the beginning of this article, they're easily my favorite Pokémon games ever, and my top 7 Pokémon generations now looks as follows:

1. Gen. VII (Sun and Moon)
2. Gen. V (Black, White, Black 2 and White 2)
3. Gen. II (Gold, Silver and Crystal)
4. Gen. IV (Diamond, Pearl and Platinum)
5. Gen. III (Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald)
6. Gen. VI (X and Y)
7. Gen. I (Red, Blue and Yellow)

Trust me, I'm going to have a lot of fun playing Pokémon Sun over and over and over again, every time with different team members. Pokémon Sun and Moon are beautiful games and are a major improvement on X, Y, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. Game Freak went out of their way to make these games damn near perfect, including the new Pokémon. Whereas the Kalos Pokémon mainly left me a bit underwhelmed, the brand new Alola Pokémon left me largely overwhelmed. The designs of the new Pokémon vary from gimmicky (Minior) and cute (Cutiefly and Ribombee!!!) to friggin' terrifying (Sandygast and Palossand) and downright cool (Type: Null and Silvally), and I want to try as many new Pokémon as I can in order for me to get familiar with them, because there are so many good and interesting ones. Maybe I'll attempt another Nuzlocke, even though they're pretty much the bane of my existence; I can't stand it when a Pokémon faints, let alone when I can't make use of it anymore after that. I'm sad that the feeling of novelty of these games will wear off soon, but Sun and Moon will lose nothing of their magic. They're quite possibly the best Pokémon games that have ever been made, at least until the new generation of Pokémon is released, which won't be for another three or four years.

Robbin,
a.k.a. The Shiny Luxray

#283 - #284: Surskit & Masquerain

For the longest time, Surskit was the only bug/water dual-type Pokémon in the franchise. That is, until Gen. VII came around, in which no less than two new bug/water evolutionary lines were introduced (Wimpod and Golisopod, and Dewpider and Araquanid). Surskit doesn't even evolve into a bug/water Pokémon; instead, Masquerain has the much more common and less interesting bug/flying combination. Weird, but evolving from a bug/water type makes Masquerain have some interesting features.

Look at Surskit happily walking on water! 

More on that later, as I'll discuss Surskit first, a water strider Pokémon that also vaguely resembles a curling stone. Too bad Game Freak never actually did something with that curling stone design, because every bit of Surskit's character seems to be based on the water strider: the antenna on Surskit cap-like head secretes a thick, sugary syrup or a sweet scent, the former as a defense mechanism (although it sometimes doesn't work, as some Pokémon love to eat the syrup) and the latter to attract prey. Oil is secreted from the tips of its feet, which enables it to skate across large bodies of water. It would have been nice if at least one Pokédex entry mentioned that people often grab some Surskit by their antennae and push them across the water in order to see which ones comes farthest. It's cruel, but people have no conscientious objection to throwing Pyukumuku back into the ocean, so this shouldn't be a problem either, right? Right? 

Masquerain flaps the four wings on its lower body to freely fly in
any direction - even sideways and backwards, as if it were a
helicopter. Masquerain's Sapphire Pokédex entry mentions that
the 'eyes' on its antennae are droopy and appear sad when heavy
rainfall is on its way, but normally they look kind of angry and
intimidating.

Anyway, it's weird that Surskit's evolution Masquerain isn't even a water type: its head is shaped like a tear- or raindrop, and for heaven's sake, there's 'rain' in its name. Once Surskit evolves, though, it starts flying, so it trades the ever-useful water type for the less interesting flying type. There are a lot of bug/flying Pokémon already, but it has to be said that Masquerain is one of the most interesting ones out there. Despite having a water-themed flavor, it actually cannot fly when its wings are wet and its antennae (yes, the intimidating 'wings' with the eye-like patterns are actually antennae; the rhombus-shaped things on its lower body are its wings instead) become heavy and droop when it's raining. It still creates its nests along the water's edge, but as Masquerain is based on some sort of mosquito, this doesn't surprise me. Another interesting feature of Masquerain is that it's the only bug-type Pokémon to learn Scald - prior to Gen. VI, anyway - and the only bug type aside from Genesect to learn Ice Beam, while it still learns some 'standard' moves like Bug Buzz, Shadow Ball, Air Slash, Energy Ball, Signal Beam and Giga Drain. It even learns Hydro Pump, Aqua Jet and Water Pulse... If only it had the water typing to make good use of those moves, right? Why, its staple move is Quiver Dance, which boosts its special attack, special defense and speed by one stage each and soon makes Masquerain an unstoppable mosquito wiping the floor with everybody. In-game, that is, as using Masquerain is kind of risky to use in the competitive metagame. Its base 70 HP, 62 defense and 82 special defense leave it kind of vulnerable prior to a Quiver Dance, but at least it has some decent speed to set one up reliably - as of Sun and Moon, that is, in which it got a boost of 20 base points in speed, going from 60 to 80. Thankfully, Masquerain also got a boost in its base special attack in Sun and Moon, going from 80 to 100, so it should hit a lot harder now. Especially after a Quiver Dance.

Masquerain.

It's interesting how these Pokémon's behavior towards water turns a full 180 upon evolution. I still think Masquerain looks more like a mosquito than a moth, even though Bulbapedia states that its Japanese, Korean and Chinese names of Amemoth (アメモース), Binabang (비나방) and Yǔchì'é (雨翅蛾) all contain the word 'moth' in their respective languages. It's a small detail, and I think that Pokémon like Venomoth, Dustox, Mothim and Volcarona look more like moths than Masquerain does, but whatever. I like Masquerain primarily because I used it in a playthrough once. Once it had Quiver Dance, it didn't disappoint me. What's more, I think its design is actually more interesting and appealing than those of the other moth Pokémon (aside from Mothim), so I'm giving Masquerain a well-deserved rating of no less than 4 stars.

Now, I probably won't post anything during my playthroughs of Pokémon Sun and Moon, which should arrive tomorrow, so I'll see you all back in December. I hope. I'm going on a hiatus, at least, so take that into account when you're visiting Pokémon By Review. Thank you.

Rating: 4/5

#280 - #282, #475: Ralts, Kirlia, Gardevoir & Gallade

You probably wonder why the hell I'm wasting my time writing an entry for Ralts and its evolutions instead of playing the fuck out of Pokémon Sun and Moon, but the answer is simple: I am one of those unfortunate souls living in Europe - the Netherlands, to be exact - and I'm impatiently waiting for the games until I hear the clanging sound of my mailbox on the 23rd of November. Might as well write a couple of articles before I'm going on a 'hiatus', I'd dare say.

3D art of Ralts. If it wasn't looking up, you wouldn't be able to see the eyes that are
usually hidden beneath its cap-like head. Or maybe it is a cap, I'm not sure.

So... Ralts. It's a strange Pokémon, because it doesn't seem to be based on anything in particular. If anything, Ralts looks kind of humanoid, resembling a child. Human children often sense when something is amiss, and Game Freak have built its design and flavor from there: Ralts uses the horns on its cap-like head to read people and Pokémon's emotions and hides when it senses hostility. It reflects the mood of the person it reads, meaning that it becomes happy when its Trainer is in a cheerful mood and gets doleful when its Trainer is in a sad mood. A wild Ralts will rarely show itself to people (which is true, as it's the rarest of the early-route Pokémon), but when it does it will only draw closer when it senses the person has a positive disposition. When it evolves into Kirlia, however, the eyes - which Ralts does in fact have but are hidden beneath its 'cap' - become clearly visible now and it looks like it's wearing a... a tutu. And it has the stance ballet dancers are commonly portrayed with.

Well, I've seen Pokémon with stranger features than those.

3D art of Kirlia, in which it seems to be performing some kind of ballet dance.

Anyhow, Kirlia's horns are used to amplify its psychokinetic power and have the ability to let reality become warped. This distortion of reality causes mirages of nonexistent scenery and can cause a rip in dimensions (would Kirlia have anything to do with the Ultra Beasts in Sun and Moon?), which allows Kirlia to see into the future. It enjoys dancing on sunny mornings (well, duh!) and is said to grow beautiful when exposed to a Trainer with positive emotions. Again, cheerfulness lies at the basis of Kirlia's powers: a happy Trainer gives it energy for its psychokinetic abilities. Also interesting is Ralts and Kirlia's namesake. While the French and German names of Ralts, Tarsal and Trasla, are anagrams of the word 'astral' and even the name Ralts has something to do with it, Kirlia's name is derived from Kirlian photography. Bulbapedia describes it as "a special way of taking pictures that supposedly reveals psychic energy auras around subjects," but it is much more scientific than that: it is a collective term for photographic techniques used to capture the phenomenon of coronal discharges, electrical discharges brought on by the ionization of a fluid surrounding a conductor that is electrically charged. The techniques are named after Semyon Kirlian, a Russian inventor and researcher of Armenian descent, hence Kirlia's name.

Incredible papercraft figures of Ralts (little one in the front),
Kirlia (left), Gardevoir (right) and Gallade (middle).

Kirlia has two ways of evolving: it evolves into Gardevoir starting at level 30 or, if male, you can expose it to a Dawn Stone and let it turn into a Gallade. Gallade was inroduced one generation later than Ralts, Kirlia and Gardevoir as an alternative evolution of Kirlia, and it is believed to be created as a counterpart to Gardevoir: the latter is a special attacker who looks like a damsel in distress, while Gallade is a physical attacker and resembles a gallant knight. Or so goes a popular fan theory, but the truth is that Gardevoir can also be male. Its Japanese name is even Sirnight
(サーナイト), which may be derived from the phrase Saa, naito! ("Come, knight!") or just simply means Sir Knight. Or both. The English name of Gardevoir is based on the French words of garde and devoir - 'guard' and 'duty', respectively - or may be a combination of garder and voir, French verbs for 'to keep' and 'to see'. This is reflected in its Pokédex data, which explain how Gardevoir will protect its Trainer even at the cost of its own life (wow, that's some heavy shit!) and that it has the ability to see into the future, distorting the dimensions to such an extent it creates small black holes. The former explanation may also suggest that Gardevoir is based on a guardian angel, although it looks more like a principal dancer, very much like Kirlia resembles a ballet dancer.

Gardevoir laying in the grass, resting a bouquet of flowers on its chest.

However, Gardevoir is especially notorious for its role in the Internet meme called Rule 34, which is a generally accepted Internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable object. Or, simply put: if something exists, there is pornographic content of it. Gardevoir isn't the first Pokémon to be made into hentai images (a catch-all term to describe a genre of anime and manga pornography) and it definitely won't be the last, but I can safely say it is the most prominent. Just Googling Gardevoir results into a certain 50/50 mix of normal and pornographic or suggestive images of Gardevoir, and I have to say it's disturbing. Who in their right mind would go and think, "Today I am going to create a pornographic image of a Pokémon, making the suggestion that it's sexy." A Pokémon! Ugh. I'm mentioning this aspect of Gardevoir because it is so painfully visible, otherwise I wouldn't even have mentioned it at all. It goes without saying that I won't post any hentai images of Gardevoir on this blog, nor will I recommend Googling them. And should you decide to do that anyway, enter Google at your own risk; I won't be held accountable.

Fan art of Mega Gardevoir.

It's a relief that Gardevoir is still being seen as a more-than-decent Pokémon to use, in-game as well as competitively. Its HP, attack and defense are mediocre, but its special attack and special defense are both sky-high, while its base 80 speed stat is decent. Its typing - psychic/fairy as of Gen. VI, gaining the fairy typing on top of its already existing psychic typing in X and Y - is especially helpful, as Moonblast helps against dragon types and Psychic makes short work of poison-type Pokémon that threaten its very existence. There are numerous ways to make use of Gardevoir, but it should stay a special attacker at all times. A Choice Specs set is mentioned on Smogon, but there is also a Life Orb set supported by Calm Mind and a Choice Scarf set to let Gardevoir outspeed some Pokémon in the competitive metagame. At least Gardevoir doesn't have to worry about coverage, because it has access to some pretty neat moves of many different typings, among which are Thunderbolt, Energy Ball, Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Signal Beam and even Icy Wind. Phew. And that's not all, because Gardevoir got a Mega in X and Y. The horns protruding from its chest are know larger and are said to be a physical manifestation of its heart, making it able to let loose tremendous psychic power now that its heart is open. And that is clearly perceptible, because Mega Gardevoir leaves a dent in any opposing team with its base 165 special attack. Moreover, it has access to the Pixilate ability, which lets it turn normal-type moves into fairy-type moves. They also get a boost, making Hyper Voice more competitively viable than Moonblast, especially because Hyper Voice infiltrates substitutes. Before Mega-evolving, though, Trace is the preferred ability, as it copies the opposing Pokémon's ability and might turn it against them.

Shiny Mega Gardevoir. The flower on top of its head is not part of its design, but it's
a nice touch to the whole 'mourning' aspect of its design. 

Also, did you notice that regular Mega Gardevoir looks like it's wearing a wedding gown and shiny Mega Gardevoir seems to be wearing a mourning dress? That is such a nice touch, and I think shiny Mega Gardevoir is one of the most beautiful shinies out there. It's really pretty. Gardevoir is very loveable as a whole, by the way; I love everything about it, including its simple but beautiful design, its characteristics, its competitive utility and its Mega evolution - shiny Mega Gardevoir in particular.

And then we have Gallade, who isn't quite as beautiful and elegant as Gardevoir. Regular Gallade has the same stat distribution as Gardevoir, with only their attack and special attack stats swapped, so it's a very decent physical alternative to Gardevoir, but I'm just not that big a fan of its design. Its horizontally oval thighs are a bit off-putting, its slender body shape just doesn't do it for me as much as Gardevoir's, its blade-like arms don't look overly efficient and its legs are just weird. Gallade significantly earns points when it Mega-evolves, gaining a cape that fits it knightly aesthetics and blades that look more efficient than those of its regular form, as well as a head that resembles a gladiator's helmet. The weird legs and oval shape of its hips stay but are less accentuated because of the overall more busy 'knight in shining armor' design, which is a plus. Mega Gallade has a very nice design overall, but it doesn't even come close to Gardevoir's graceful looks.

I wanted to show you Gallade's weird oval hips and what better
way to do that than include its official artwork here? 

Like Gardevoir, however, Gallade fiercely fights to protect its Trainer. When doing that, it shows that it's a master of courtesy and swordsmanship and a master in predicting its foe's moves. The blade-like arms can be extended and therefore show resemblances to tonfa, melee weapons best known for their role in the armed component of Okinawan martial arts. Mega Gallade has arms that look like actual blades, however, and these are used simultaneously in a dual-wielding style by calling on its psychic powers. Predicting the foe's moves is still up to the player, though, because there's no denying it: Gallade is as frail as Gardevoir. Its Mega is kind of bulky, with 115 special defense and 95 defense, but the HP stat is never boosted upon Mega-evolving and Gallade's HP is honestly a bit subpar. Thankfully, its base 80 speed becomes 110 when it Mega-evolves and it can dish out damage hard and relatively fast. While Gardevoir usually needs a Timid nature, which ups speed and lowers attack, that is actually a bad nature for Gallade: Jolly or Adamant (both lower special attack, but the former provides an increase in speed and the latter an increase in attack) are usually the natures to go with, as well as a physical moveset, obviously. Aside from STAB moves like Psycho Cut, Zen Headbutt, Close Combat, Drain Punch and Brick Break, it also has a crazy diverse movepool: Leaf Blade, Night Slash, Earthquake, Aerial Ace, Knock Off (very handy to knock off the opposing Pokémon's item, doing double the damage), Stone Edge, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Poison Jab, Power-Up Punch, Shadow Sneak, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and even Dual Chop are all very viable choices on a competitive Gallade's moveset. To top it all off, Gallade learns Swords Dance, which it can use to double its attack stat and perform a late-game sweep.

Wally and his Mega Gallade. 

Don't want to use Mega Gallade? That's fine, because you can use a Choice Scarf or Choice Band set on a regular Gallade, although the latter provides an attack boost rather than a speed boost and both sets lock it into using only one move until it's switched out. A Life Orb would therefore be better, especially because it allows Gallade to use Swords Dance, but Smogon also mentions a Bulk Up set. Bulk Up raises Gallade's attack and defense by one stage each, but its defense is already quite low, so it's not worth the hassle. If you can manage to pull it off, that's fine, but it's not the best way to use Gallade.

At the end of the day, Gardevoir and Gallade give the illusion that they're perfect counterparts, but that is really not the case here. Gardevoir has a 50/50 gender ratio, while Gallade is 100% male, so they're not the damsel in distress and Prince Charming everybody likes them to be. It has to be said that Gallade is a very good physical-based option if you don't need a special attacker, and its Mega is actually really cool; I like how it fits its flavor perfectly. I love everything about Gardevoir, however, while I'm not a big fan of regular Gallade's design. I'm gonna have to rate them separately: Gardevoir gets an easy 5, while Gallade will have to do with 4.5 stars. And that's mainly because of its Mega!

Rating Gardevoir: 5/5

Rating Gallade: 4.5/5

#278 - #279: Wingull & Pelipper

Ugh. Why does this thing exist, exactly?

Official art of Wingull by Ken Sugimori.

Wingull is probably more boring than Taillow is, and Pelipper isn't that much better. It goes without saying that, with wings like those, Wingull has trouble keeping said wings flapping in flight and instead of that it rides on updrafts rising from the sea as if it were a glider. I also think it is common knowledge that seagulls build their nests on steep cliffs nearby the ocean, among other things. So... meh. Whereas Wingull habitually hides prey and valuables in various locations, though, Pelipper has the tendency to carry eggs and small Pokémon around in its massive bill over long distances, bringing them to safety (the prey it scoops up from the sea is usually swallowed in one gulp). It likes to act like a buoy, bobbing in the ocean while it's resting its wings. Yeah... meh. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that Wingull and Pelipper are two mundane sea birds without any excessively distinctive characteristics, and their designs and flavor are just nothing short of unimaginative. On top of that, Pelipper is a bitch and a half to fight in-game. Any time I'm battling an AI opponent with a Pelipper, I find myself struggling with it, for it generally has either Supersonic or a combination of Protect and Stockpile. Even worse, Protect always seems to succeed twice or even three times in a row when used by Pelipper, wasting my time and PP and pissing me the fuck off. I haven't met a single person yet who didn't hate - or at least strongly dislike - the likes of Pelipper, and I can't imagine anyone would go and say, "Pelipper is my absolute favorite Pokémon." Like, no.

Also, Wingull is a seagull and Pelipper is a pelican. Alrighty, then.

Official art of Pelipper, also by Ken Sugimori. Drawing this
thing must have been one of his least 

And in a competitive setting? Personally, I wouldn't want to use Pelipper competitively, but for some reason it has some moderate bulk behind it. Its HP is pretty mediocre, but when it is maxed out it can back up Pelipper's excellent base 100 defense stat, especially when it has a defense-increasing nature (usually Bold). Although it is therefore used as a support Pokémon in order to remove entry hazards with Defog or try to inflict a burn on an opposing Pokémon with Scald, it cannot handle offensive pressure: any electric-type move will quickly do it in and special attacks will leave a huge dent in its health, which forces Pelipper to use Roost instead. This move does take away its flying typing for one subsequent turn, though, removing the weaknesses it has as a flying type and leaving it with only two single weaknesses to electric and grass, which may save its life. Speaking about lifesavers, U-Turn makes use of Pelipper's abominable attack stat, but it lets it get the hell off the goddamn battlefield while still doing a little bit of damage. If you can set up the rain, its hidden ability Rain Dish will heal a little bit of HP, which works very well with the Leftovers. You can even build an offensive moveset around Rain Dance, because its base 85 special attack is quite decent: Scald is boosted in the rain and still has a chance to burn the foe, while Hurricane's accuracy is buffed from 70% to 100% when the rain is up. Pelipper can also learn Ice Beam, which is a strong move almost every water type can learn, so it's a good way to complete your Pelipper's moveset. You can even let another of your Pokémon set up the rain and ditch Rain Dance for Roost, so you can keep Pelipper somewhat healthy. It's necessary, because an offensive moveset requires a Modest nature rather than a Bold one, which leaves Pelipper more vulnerable than you'd desire.

Look at this motherfucker. It's looking at me like, "I'm gonna annoy you to no end
and I'm gonna have goddamn fun doing that."

However, I don't even desire to own a fucking Pelipper in the first place. I hate this thing for everything it stands for: being a nasty little bitch who likes to stall me out for no apparent reason - and, while we're at it, break out of its goddamn Ultra Ball time and time again, even when its HP bar is in the fucking red. Seriously, why does it have a catch rate of only 45?

Fuck this thing. May its soul burn for eternity in the deepest pits of Hell.

P.S.: Have you heard its cry? Irksome.

Rating: 0.5/5

#276 - #277: Taillow & Swellow

Top row from left to right: Fletchling, Pidove and Pidgey.
Bottom row from left to right: Hoothoot, Starly and
Taillow.

Only now, after a dark-type hyena and two grass-type yōkai evolutionary lines, we meet the generic normal/flying-type birds of this region. Taillow is a feisty and gutsy little bird inspired by - based on its forked tail, pointy wings and color scheme - a barn swallow. It essentially behaves like a newborn baby bird, as it will weaken and start to cry loudly when it gets hungry, probably asking mama or papa Swellow to bring it food. It migrates to warm lands when it gets cold, traveling almost 180 miles a day. God, could its flavor be any more boring? We know that birds migrate, and we know that hatchlings get squeaky when they get hungry or thirsty, but we don't need to see it in a Pokédex entry. It's dull almost to the point that it gets a bit irritating. You're creating magical creatures one after the other and this is all you can come up with, Game Freak? It doesn't even matter that Taillow is brave and never backs down even if it faces a tough opponent, because its evolution Swellow has the ability Guts as well (which is an awesome ability, but more about that later), which indicates that Swellow is as courageous as its pre-evolution. Its predatory behavior actually make it reminiscent of a swallow-tailed kite, a bird of prey that has the same forked tail as a swallow, hence its name. Just like a bird of prey, Swellow is a fantastic dive-bomber and never misses a target. It is also very conscientious about the upkeep of... its glossy plumage. And it occasionally cleans the feathers of others of its species.

So we have a vain predatory bird? I'm giving up already.

Swellow flying about with a flock of Taillow. 

Ash had a Swellow in the anime, and it could sometimes be overly stubborn and persistent, even to the point it was willing to take a Thunder from Ash's Pikachu in order to defeat Tate and Liza's Solrock and Lunatone in a two-on-two battle. This, and Swellow's Pokédex entries, leads me to think these characteristics are any Swellow's standard personality traits, which is why it has Guts. That brings us to the competitive scene, where it could either excel or be a total letdown. Swellow has a pretty low base stat total of 430, so it's a pretty straightforward Pokémon. Its excellent speed and decent attack are the stats you should invest in, as its attack gets a 50% boost when Swellow has a status condition, due to Guts. That's why most Swellow have a Jolly nature, holding a Flame Orb or Toxic Orb to burn or poison themselves, respectively, even though having such a status condition significantly wears them down fast. That is especially the case when Swellow is rocking Brave Bird, which is a 120-power flying-type move that deals recoil damage. On top of that, Brave Bird and Facade (a 70-power move that gets doubled when the user suffers from a status condition) are the only good competitively viable physical moves it has access to, although you could make use of U-Turn. As for the fourth slot, you could give Swellow Protect in order for it to stall for one turn and see what the opponent is gonna go for (and activate the Orb item it is holding if it hasn't activated yet), or maybe Quick Attack to finish off opposing Pokémon that are at low health. Additionally, Roost heals half of Swellow's HP, but that means it has to take hit afterwards unless the opponent is switching out.

For some reason there's also a special Choice Specs moveset for Swellow to be found on Smogon, but its abysmal base 50 special attack renders it kind of useless. Why in the name of God would you run a special set on Swellow when its much better physical attack can easily be boosted by letting it hold a Flame Orb? Guts even negates the attack drop from the subsequent burn. I don't understand, but whatever.

A Trainer and his shiny Swellow.

It's such a shame Swellow's flavor is so bland, honestly, because I actually really, really like its design; and if played well, it can even be a powerhouse in competitive play. However, aside from these things there is actually nothing that makes Swellow stand out to other generic bird Pokémon. Because of that, I'll have to deprive it of a perfect rating or even a 4.5-star rating, but I guess 4 stars aren't bad, either.

Rating: 4/5