#446, #143: Munchlax & Snorlax

Munchlax holding a hamburger and a slice of pizza. I
guess it gulped them down within a matter of seconds.

Aside from the Pokémon that are in possession of an unquenchable fighting spirit there are also the Pokémon that are born tired and would rather eat and sleep than engage in tiresome battles. That makes it extra curious that the lazy Snorlax has gotten quite a hyperactive pre-evolution in Gen. IV: Munchlax doesn't mind walking and running from place to place as it looks for food (with its powerful base speed of 5, mind you). It is even classified as the 'Big Eater Pokémon' and can eat many servings of food at a time, eating its own weight of over 230 pounds of food each day without chewing, while rarely getting full at all. And it's barely two feet tall... Sometimes it's so desperate to wolf down food that it forgets about the food it has hidden under its fur. You're gonna smell it sooner or later, mate! But where Munchlax lives to eat, its evolution Snorlax lives to sleep, only waking up to eat 900 pounds of food without being picky about it: its strong stomach allows it to eat even moldy food without feeling any ill effects. After eating it goes right back to sleep. That's why it is always found sleeping in inconvenient locations: in Kanto it is found blocking the way in three places (Route 12 and 16 in Red, Blue, their remakes and Yellow; Vermilion City in Gold, Silver, their remakes and Crystal) and in Kalos it can be seen blocking a bridge on Route 7. And the only way to wake it up is playing a tune on the Poké Flute (Gen. I and Gen. VI) or play the Poké Flute tune on the radio (Gen. II).

Snorlax's sprites from Red and Blue all the way to X and Y show
it slowly getting off its lazy ass. 

Also, Snorlax's in-game sprites from 1996 to 2013 show it slowly standing up, and jokes are made about Snorlax needing 17 years and 8 months to get off his behind. But why the fuck is it so lazy in the first place? Well, it is not always clear what the hell Munchlax and Snorlax are based on, because they look a lot like cats in some ways, but they seem to share traits with bears. Munchlax's eating habits may be based on the fact that bears eat a lot of food before they go hibernating, which Snorlax tends to do a lot more than Munchlax does. Also, the only way to obtain a Munchlax in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum is to smear some Honey (yes, with a capital H) on special Honey Trees throughout the Sinnoh region and check up on them a couple of hours later, which only adds up to what it is based on, as most bears - and especially black bears - love honey. Additionally, Snorlax may be based on a so-called 'food coma', a state of sleepiness after eating copious amounts of food.

A parody of My Neighbor Totoro. 

Ironically enough, Snorlax is more than competent in competitive battling. Snorlax possesses a crazy amount of HP and some great attack and special defense as well. Its defense is kind of bad and its speed is just downright terrible, but its massive HP should make up for its mediocre defense stat, anyway. Due to its bulk, Snorlax is a very irksome Pokémon to deal with, and very hard to take down without good physical-based fighting-type moves. There are various ways to use Snorlax, but the most common method is the tank: Careful or Impish nature with EV investment in HP, defense and maybe special defense, and the Leftovers to hold for some annoying HP recovery after every turn. Moreover, a bulky Snorlax runs Curse (lowers its already terrible speed but increases attack and defense), Rest (fully recovers Snorlax but puts it to sleep as well), Body Slam (a pretty good STAB move that has a 30% chance to paralyze the foe) and either Earthquake or Crunch, depending on who and what you're gonna fight. Finally, the Thick Fat ability makes Snorlax resistant to fire- and ice-type moves, while Immunity prevents it from being poisoned. Both add up to its bulk and are excellent choices. Additionally, an all-out attacking Snorlax with an Adamant nature and a Choice Band or Assault Vest as held item might also work; its movepool is diverse enough for that. Especially when you invest some EVs in attack and either HP or defense (or both) and let it hold an Assault Vest, which gives it a 50% boost in its special defense but limits it to using damaging moves, Snorlax is still a bulky beast that's hard to defeat.

A Snorlax blocking the way on Kalos Route 7. 

Maybe it's because I find myself annoyed whenever I need to battle a Snorlax, but I don't really care for this thing. It doesn't look terribly interesting, and I think I've started developing an aversion towards obese-looking Pokémon in my hate for Lickilicky. Now, that wouldn't be entirely fair towards Snorlax, because I never hated it (and I technically still don't), but I don't particularly like that fat-ass, either. I'll grant it a narrow 3-star rating, but it'll have to make do with that; it's the best I can give it.

Rating: 3/5

#142: Aerodactyl

Yo, what is it with these prehistoric Pokémon being so fucking VICIOUS?

Amazingly dark fan art of Aerodactyl. 

Now, if we take a look at its Pokédex entries, it becomes clear that Aerodactyl was a carnivore living in the dinosaur era. Due to its ferocious attitude and sharp serrated fangs it was able to tear enemies apart, often charging at their throats. Even back then it was fearsome, gliding high in the skies while shrieking high-pitched cries. Even the Pokémon who lived during that era were terrified of Aerodactyl, which is clearly shown in the anime: in the 46th episode of the first season, "Attack of the Prehistoric Pokémon", Ash, Pikachu and Team Rocket become stuck in a cave after joining the Fossil Rush (which is basically a fossil excavation competition) and soon find themselves chased by Omanyte, Omastar, Kabuto and Kabutops, who were awoken by the explosion caused by Team Rocket. However, the fossil Pokémon run even deeper into the cave, and it soon becomes evident why: they are scared of Aerodactyl, who swoops in and knocks down Ash's disobedient Charmeleon. Aerodactyl then firmly grabs Ash with its claws, flying out of the cave with Pikachu and Charmeleon being able to jump onto its back just in time. Once out it drops Pikachu and Charmeleon, and the latter, who was annoyed by Aerodactyl earlier, wants to battle it, only to get angry because it gets taunted by the prehistoric Pokémon. This event is important, because it triggers evolution in Charmeleon, who changes into Charizard in order for it to fight Aerodactyl in the sky. Ultimately, that annoying-ass Jigglypuff saves the day, making everyone - including Aerodactyl - fall asleep. Except for Charizard, of course, who puts its fingers in its ears and saves a falling Ash from a painful death.

Some more dark fan art of Aerodactyl. I think eerie area's, like
this volcanic area, are perfect to help show Aerodactyl's
personality. 

The fact that even Omstar and Kabutops - who aren't really the definition of adorable, to say the least - are scared of Aerodactyl means that it was a ferocious hunter that even other carnivores were afraid of. It even looked ferocious, as its newly-discovered Mega evolution (well, it's been around for approximately two and a half years, but you get my point) shows it how it looked like 65+ million years, before it became fossilized. But rather than being able to get revived from a regular fossil, it can be resurrected from an Old Amber. That sounds weird, as the Old Amber looks nothing like Aerodactyl at all, but reviving it happens by extracting DNA from amber first. That is something different than getting resurrected from an entire fossil, and maybe that's why regular Aerodactyl doesn't resemble its original prehistoric counterpart. Some parts of a genetic code can often get broken or lost during all those years, even though Aerodactyl's DNA is preserved in the best possible ways. Even in Jurassic Park, which I consider nothing more than science fiction, the genetic codes of dinosaurs had to be filled up by reptilian or amphibian DNA to make up for the DNA that got lost.

Official art of Mega Aerodactyl, drawn by Ken
Sugimori. 

But this is not a biology lesson. The big question is, 'How does Aerodactyl fare in the competitive scene?' Well, not bad at all. With base 135 attack, base 150 speed and the ability Tough Claws (which boosts the power of contact moves by 33%) as Mega Aerodactyl, it is a force to be reckoned with. This Pokémon has access to a variety of physical-based moves such as Iron Head, the elemental fangs, Crunch, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Dragon Claw, Earthquake, Aqua Tail and Iron Tail, although it lacks some good physical STAB flying-type moves. Both Sky Attack and Fly require a turn to charge, even though the former works great if you give Aerodactyl a Power Herb to hold instead of the Aerodactylite, and moves like Wing Attack and Aerial Ace are only okay after a Tough Claws boost. At least they're potent enough, but it's a bit of a shame. Anyway, Aerodactyl's huge movepool gets even better, with Hone Claws to increase its attack and accuracy by one stage each (nice in conjunction with Stone Edge) and Roost to heal half of its HP. There are so many possible move combinations you can make that there isn't even room in this paragraph to mention them all. Just do whatever works best for you, as you can't go wrong with Mega Aerodactyl anyway, but make sure you're slapping a Jolly nature on it in order for it to make full use of its outstanding speed stat. Also, I'd recommend to stay shy of running a so-called 'bulky' Mega Aerodactyl, because that is just a waste of its potential. Well, in my opinion, at least... Besides, regular Aerodactyl are pretty fragile and are most often used as a 'suicide lead', setting up Stealth Rock and using Taunt to prevent opponents from removing said rocks with Defog, providing it survives the foe's hit first (a Focus Sash would come in handy here).

I can't get enough of this kind of art. It looks so pretty... 

I absolutely love Aerodactyl, especially its Mega. When I was a little kid, I was completely into dinosaurs and my mother let me watch Jurassic Park over and over and over again, although it was a couple of years after the movie came out. I was more in awe with all those dinosaurs running around than I was scared of what they were actually doing. My fascination with dinosaurs lives ever on, and the fact that Aerodactyl is based on a pterodactyl (a genus of pterosaurs) makes me love this thing even more. In 2014, paleontologists even named a species of pterosaur after this Pokémon, aerodactylus scolopaciceps, which makes Aerodactyl the only Pokémon to have a species/genus named after it. Reasons enough to give it a perfect rating, right?

Rating: 5/5

#140 - #141: Kabuto & Kabutops

Official art of Kabuto, by Ken Sugimori.

Kabuto and Kabutops are the second set of fossil Pokémon, and quite honestly they are more interesting than the fossil Pokémon that preceded them in the National Pokédex. For the story about Lord Helix and Lord Dome I refer you to Omanyte and Omastar's entry, because I'm not going to tell the same damn story twice. Now, the most interesting thing about Kabuto is that is seems to be based on an ancient creature called the horseshoe crab, a species that has lived on Earth for at least 450 million years and are still to be found in our oceans and on certain beaches. Because of this trait, horseshoe crabs are considered 'living fossils', which is a term to describe living species that appear to be similar to species we otherwise know only from fossils. The curious thing is that Kabuto's Pokédex entries say that it lived eons ago but that it has now gone extinct, something the anime contradicts. You see, in the ninth episode of the second season of the anime, "Shell Shock!", Ash and his friends arrive on an uninhabited island where scientist are seeking to excavate Kabuto fossils after the discovery of one of said fossils. Ash, Misty and Tracey (who temporarily replaced Brock in the Orange Islands saga) join the expedition, but it is soon discovered that they are being sabotaged by an old man named Umberto, who warns them of a prophecy that impies that disturbing the Kabuto who inhabit the island will cause the island to be swallowed by the sea. And just upon discovering a cave full of Kabuto fossils, Team Rocket arrives and throws a bomb, which Ash catches and throws at the fossils. Of course, this wakes the Kabuto up and they fall from the walls of the cave, causing the island to sink into the ocean, since the fossils kept it together.

This is a horseshoe crab, a creature that has lived on this planet for a whopping
450 million years. Now tell me that, except for the tail-like thing, this is not what
Kabuto is based on.

So, it can be assumed that the Kabuto in this episode were in some state of hibernation, coming to life when they were disturbed by the people visiting the island. It's a quite literal interpretation of the term 'living fossil', but at least it's clear that Kabuto is based on the horseshoe crab (and maybe a little bit on the extinct group of arthropods called trilobites). Additionally, kabuto is the Japanese word for a type of helmet first used by ancient Japanese warriors and that later became a part of the traditional Japanese armor worn by samurai. Interesting, because Kabuto looks nothing like such a helmet.

An attacking Kabutops. I feel sorry for its prey.

But what about Kabutops, Kabuto's evolution? Well, all I can say is that Kabutops is not based on the horseshoe crab like its pre-evolution is. Instead, Kabutops shares traits with trilobites (specifically the cheirurus genus), especially the spines down its back and its cephalon, which look like the segments of trilobites. The sickle-like arms, however, imply that Kabutops is also based on eurypterids, extinct prehistoric arthropods that looked a little like trilobites but were armed with claws instead. They are believed to have been more closely related to horseshoe crabs than trilobites, but the comparison of Kabutops with horseshoe crabs ends right there. As for its flavor, Kabutops is much scarier than its pre-evolution: before it went extinct, it was in the process of evolving from an excellent swimmer into a land dweller in order to catch prey that had already evolved into land-dwelling species, but once it had its prey, Kabutops ripped it apart with its scythes and drank their internal fluids.

Yikes. That's about as gross as Omastar cracking a Shellder's shell open and sucking its insides out. Man, these prehistoric Pokémon were SAVAGE!

More fan art. Man, do I love this thing.

Unfortunately, Kabutops is not as savage as I'd like it to be in the competitive scene. However, it has access to some nifty moves, among which Swords Dance and a water-type Quick Attack: Aqua Jet. It learns it naturally as a Kabuto, and with an attack stat like Kabutops's and an attack boost from Swords Dance, it can hit pretty hard, making Kabutops an excellent sweeper. For the good physical moves you shouldn't take a look at its level-up movepool, though, because most of the attacks it learns are pretty booty, except for Night Slash. But TMs and Move Tutors really help it out here: it can learn Brick Break, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, X-Scissor, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Superpower and Knock Off. For a competitive Kabutops, I'd recommend running an Adamant or Jolly one with maxed out EVs in attack and speed, a Life Orb to help boost its power, the Battle Armor ability to prevent random critical hits, and a moveset consisting of Swords Dance, Aqua Jet, Stone Edge and either Knock Off or a stronger physical water-type move like Waterfall (for having a chance to flinch the opponent) or Aqua Tail (for more power). And that's a safe set. Its Swift Swim ability is very handy when the rain is up and it will make Kabutops hard to outspeed, while Weak Armor lowers its defense each time it is hit by a physical move in exchange for an increase in its speed. Alternatively, Kabutops can learn both Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin; the former to set up an entry hazard and the latter to remove entry hazards. I wouldn't recommend either, just because I like to use Kabutops as a powerhouse, but it's your call.

All in all, I think Kabuto and Kabutops are a lot more interesting than Omanyte and Omastar, and I especially love Kabutops. But even these trilobite Pokémon are outclassed by a certain prehistoric Gen. I Pokémon that I love even more, mainly because of its Mega evolution. Nonetheless, Kabutops gets an excellent rating from me, just half a star shy of a perfect rating.

Rating: 4.5/5

#138 - #139: Omanyte & Omastar

During 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', the Helix Fossil was often
treated as a deity.

Omanyte and Omastar are the first Pokémon in the National Pokédex that can be revived from fossils. That is the only way to obtain such fossil Pokémon, excluding the method of breeding. Usually, you can choose only one from two different fossils in any pair of games (except Gold and Silver, which introduced no new fossil Pokémon), although the availability of fossils has heavily increased since Diamond and Pearl, because they became regular items in the bag rather than key items. You can obtain the following fossils: Helix Fossil (Omanyte) and Dome Fossil (Kabuto) in Red and Blue, Root Fossil (Lileep) and Claw Fossil (Anorith) in Ruby and Sapphire, Skull Fossil (Cranidos) and Armor Fossil (Shieldon) in Diamond and Pearl, Cover Fossil (Tirtouga) and Plume Fossil (Archen) in Black and White, and Jaw Fossil (Tyrunt) and Sail Fossil (Amaura) in X and Y. Additionally, Aerodactyl can be restored from the Old Amber as of Gen. I. There is no doubt the fossils have become a staple feature in every new generation, and I think Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon won't be an exception.

Lord Helix blessing someone.

But the Helix Fossil rose to fame during 'Twitch Plays Pokémon', in which multiple players (the Hive Mind) could insert certain commands at the same time in attempts to steer player character Red, causing a giant mess. Red was able to choose the Helix Fossil from two possible fossils, though, and after the bag was opened in battles by the Hive Mind multiple times, the Helix Fossil was constantly selected because it was the item in the first slot. The Hive Mind saw this as Red 'consulting' the Helix Fossil and thus the storyline of Lord Helix and the Church of Helix religion was created: the God of Anarchy (Lord Helix) was in a war against the God of Democracy (Lord Dome), and when Red chose to carry along the Helix Fossil, this gave the Helix an advantage over the Dome. Angered by this, the Dome tried to sabotage Red's journey in many possible ways, almost succeeding in it: Eevee evolved into Flareon instead of Vaporeon, which led the Hive Mind to take a forced trip to the PC. This went horribly wrong, however, as Abby the Charmeleon and Jay Leno the Rattata, two of TPP's favorite Pokémon, were released and Bird Jesus and the Helix Fossil were deposited into the PC.

Many people saw this as Lord Dome tricking Red into accepting the use of Democracy, which refers to an event in real life: after 24 hours without progress, the person who streamed the game replaced the Anarchy system with the Democracy system. The Hive Mind, thinking TPP was about having fun with complete randomness, rioted by sending no other inputs than 'start9' and the Anarchy system was brought back. Some time later, Bird Jesus returned to the team, Lord Helix was retrieved from the PC again, and Flareon was released. This is seen as Red overcoming the Dome's influence, as the Helix was guiding him once more. To top it off, the Helix Fossil was revived at Cinnabar Island and Omastar became an important team member, responsible for Red defeating the Elite 4 and the Champion.

A fossil of an ammonite, an extinct group of mollusks that
Omanyte is based on.

Whew, that's a long story for such an insignificant Pokémon, right? Well, I'm not done yet. The facts that Omanyte can't be caught in the wild and can only be obtained by reviving the Helix Fossil mean that it has gone extinct somewhere in the past, right? Well, yes. Omanyte and its evolution Omastar are actually based on an extinct group of mollusks called ammonites. Omanyte's name is even a corruption of this word. Omanyte is believed to have lived tens of thousands of years ago, swimming about using its tentacles and regulating its buoyancy by storing and releasing air using its several gas-filled chambers in its shell. However, it was Omastar's fault the species has gone extinct: whereas Omanyte only ate plankton, Omastar's heavy shell hindered it in praying on larger things such as Shellder. But once it ensnared its prey, it never let go; even the hard shells of prehistoric Shellder stood no match against Omastar's powerful and deadly bite, and they were quickly made a meal of by having their insides sucked out.

Ew, that's actually really gross.

Luckily, no such thing happens in the games. And Omastar has never truly been hindered by its stats either, as they are actually pretty decent. Okay, its HP and special defense could be better, but its special attack and defense are actually really great. It's also not very fast, although not as sluggish as its Pokédex entries suggest, but there's a very handy way to get around that: Shell Smash. This move increases Omastar's attack, special attack and speed stats by two stages each and lowers its defense and special defense by one stage each. Give it a White Herb to hold and it'll restore any negative stat changes from Shell Smash, too (only once, though). This strategy makes Omastar a pretty straightforward Pokémon: it's supposed to be a fast late-game sweeper with moves such as Hydro Pump, Surf, Ice Beam, Ancient Power, Earth Power and Hidden Power, so a Timid nature to boost its speed and the Shell Armor ability to prevent critical hits from occurring are recommended. Swift Swim doubles Omastar's speed stat in rain and can be used on rain teams, but it kinda contradicts Omastar's entire flavor. Alternatively, it can be used as an entry hazard setter with a Focus Sash, but I'd recommend a bulkier Pokémon like Ferrothorn to do that (Iron Barbs/Rocky Helmet combo!).

All in all, there are quite some things that make Omanyte and Omastar stand out to other Pokémon, even though it looks a bit insignificant. It's a bit of a shame that this whole 'gone extinct' thing has been done over and over again by adding new fossil Pokémon every generation from Ruby and Sapphire onwards. But I still like Omastar, you know, just not as much as the two fossil Pokémon I will discuss shortly.

Rating: 4/5

#137, #233, #474: Porygon, Porygon2 & Porygon-Z

Stills from "Electric Soldier Porygon" (which
is actually not the official English title, but
merely a free translation of the Japanese);
season 1, episode 38. 

Poor, poor Porygon... What has Pikachu done to you?

Porygon made its only major anime appearance in the 38th episode of the first season, in which Ash and his friends meet a mad scientist called Dr. Akihabara, who has to figure out what is wrong with the Poké Ball transporter in the Pokémon Center in Matcha City. Akihabara actually invented the Pokémon Transport System, but contradicts Brock when he says that it could be a computer virus and should use an anti-virus vaccine program. Akihabara suddenly bolts out of the Center upon further investigation into the system, which cause Ash, Misty and Brock to follow him to his lab. There, they are lured into a giant machine called the Human Transporter. Their mission is to physically enter the computer system and stop Team Rocket (obviously!), who have gone into the system by use of one of Akihabara's prototype Porygon and are currently stealing all of the Poké Balls sent to other Trainers by Nurse Joy. Ash and his friends refuse, but Akihabara traps them and sends them into the system along with his other Porygon. Of course, Ash gets the winning hand and Porygon sends Team Rocket 'blasting off again'. Meanwhile, Nurse Joy hired another technician to put the anti-virus vaccine software into the computer, which seeks to exterminate the humans infiltrating it by taking on the form of an actual vaccination syringe. Trying to escape from it on the back of an enlarged Porygon, even saving Team Rocket in the process, Pikachu blows up the missiles the vaccine fired. Naturally, Porygon narrowly escapes from the computer program, but Akihabara's giant laboratory mansion gets destroyed in the process, much to his dismay.

Fan art of Porygon converting into data. Or something. Hey, I
don't know, man. I am not an IT specialist, OK? 

This infamous episode called "Computer Warrior Porygon" or "Cyber Warrior Porygon", more commonly known as "Electric Soldier Porygon" in English-speaking countries, had become highly controversial following the airing in Japan. The flashing red-and-blue images that followed after Pikachu destroys the missiles caused epileptic seizures in over 700 Japanese citizens, more than 600 of them children. The majority of them were hospitalized, while twelve thousand more children reported mild symptoms like nausea and blurred vision rather than grand mal seizures. The episode even gave the anime the infamous title of "Most Photosensitive Epileptic Seizures Caused by a Television Show" from The Guinness Book of World Records. The incident, which has been parodied in popular culture many times later on, was referred to as 'Pokémon Shock' by the Japanese press and had some major consequences. Firstly, the show went on a four-month hiatus, only to come back preceded by a disclaimer cautioning viewers not to sit too close to the screen and to watch only in a brightly-lit room. Japanese television broadcasters and medical officials came together to create guidelines on flashing images in future animated shows. To prevent similar events from reoccurring, Nintendo quickly ordered the episode pulled, and it has not aired anywhere since as a result, not even outside of Japan. And, last but not least, despite the fact that it was actually Pikachu who caused this strobe-light effect, Porygon got the blame and it and its evolutions were never seen in the anime ever again (barring some cameos), in an effort to put the event out of the public's minds and prevent trauma.

Porygon2 was designed for space exploration, even though it
can't actually fly

And that's a shame, because this man-made Pokémon actually has a very interesting flavor to it. Porygon is an artificial Pokémon created due to extensive research and consists entirely of programming code, being able to perform solely what's in its program with basic movements. Built into its code is Silph Co. copy protection DRM, preventing people from duplicating it through electronic means. But whereas Porygon seems to be based on the concept of a digital bird made with primitive 3D graphics software, its evolution Porygon2 (whose name is actually more logical rather than unimaginative, as it is an updated version not unlike some computer software programs, which is represented by the Up-Grade, used to evolve Porygon with) represents the concept of subdivision in 3D computer graphics and seems to be a smoother version of Porygon, made with more advanced 3D graphics software. The head looks like a duck, but it also resembles a drinking bird, which is especially demonstrated in the 3D games (X, Y, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire) due to it making the same movement as one. Porygon2 was designed and created for the exploration of other planets, but its inability to fly let it fail to measure up. It has been endowed with artificial intelligence that enables it to learn new behaviors and movements that are not in its programming.

Porygon-Z as a corrupted file.

Porygon2 was given additional software in order to increase its abilities (the Dubious Disc, used to evolve Porygon2 into Porygon-Z), initially for traveling through alien dimensions, but an error occurred and Porygon-Z started acting erratically. Its undesirable and unprogrammed behaviors suggest that it may be based on a computer virus having infected Porygon2 or that it is a reference to copyrighted software being patched by users to use all the features but often causing bugs in the program. And a name like Dubious Disc heavily implies that the computer software wasn't authorized by Silph Co. in the first place, which suggests that Porygon-Z is an illegitimate Pokémon. Basically, Porygon-Z is a corrupted digital file, am I right?

Figurines of Porygon (left), Porygon2 (right) and Porygon-Z
(middle).

But a strong one at that, because at a base 135 its special attack is ridiculously high. It has decent speed and medicore defenses, but with the Choice Specs or a Choice Scarf attached to it, as well as a Modest or Timid nature, it can actually beat Pokémon up at high speed. And with attacks like Tri Attack, Psyshock, Discharge, Dark Pulse, Signal Beam, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Shadow Ball and Ice Beam it is perfectly capable of doing that. Ditch the Scarf or Specs for a Life Orb and you can set up with Nasty Plot and Agility, which sharply boost its special attack and speed stats, respectively. And as Tri Attack matches its own type, normal, its ability Adaptability boosts the power of that move even further. Download is unreliable, as it raises Porygon-Z's special attack stat by one stage when the foe's special defense is lower than it defense, and it raises Porygon-Z's attack stat when it's the other way around. Analytic lets Porygon-Z boost its moves if the foe already attacked, but you want Porygon-Z to attack first due to its moderate frailty. You know who might benefit from Analytic? Porygon2.

Porygon (right), Porygon2 (middle) and Porygon-Z (left) in cyberspace.

Porygon2 is not as fast as its evolution by a long shot. Then again, it is used in a completely different way than Porygon-Z, because it is still able to evolve and that makes the Eviolite a very desirable item to use on Porygon2. This item buffs up its decent bulk even more! Add to that a defensive nature like Calm or Bold and the moves Recover and either Toxic or Thunder Wave (with Tri Attack and either Ice Beam or Thunderbolt to complete its moveset), and you'll have an annoying support Pokémon. Its special attack isn't as high as Porygon-Z's, although it is absolutely not bad, but it has a much better utility competitively, at least in my own humble opinion. Porygon2 doesn't have access to Adaptability, however, so you'll have to do with Analytic or maybe even Trace, which is an ability that copies the foe's ability and potentially allows Porygon2 to use that ability against it.

Porygon and its kin are curious Pokémon, especially if you consider that a Pokémon based on computer data was released in 1996 and designed even earlier. It was the era in which computer technology was still in its infancy, at least compared to what's available to us in the present day. I really like this Pokémon, but th^%gfjk*@%^wt%blbrrrrbl-#$$

kgggggg... kgggg... kgggg...

I'm sorry, my opinion got corrupted.

Rating: 4/5

#133 - #136, #196 - #197, #470 - #471, #700: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon & Sylveon

Y'all bitches better prepare yourselves, 'cause this is going to be one lengthy-ass article. I think. No, definitely.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite evolution lines in existence: Eevee and its evolutions. They are often affectionately called Eeveelutions by most Pokémon freaks, and from here on out, I will refer to Eevee's evolutions by using this term. Unless, of course, I'm calling the Pokémon by its actual name. Obviously.

Eevee (middle), surrounded by its eight possible evolutions.

So... Eevee. Eevee is a curious Pokémon, being able to evolve into a whopping EIGHT possible Pokémon, which is more than any other Pokémon. Tyrogue is, with three possible evolutions, not even a close second; and if Game Freak had stopped adding new Eeveelutions after Gen. I, Tyrogue would have been tied with Eevee. But Game Freak didn't stop, and after Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon we also got Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon and the recently added Sylveon. The main reason why Eevee is able to evolve into any one of these eight different Pokémon is because it has irregularly shaped DNA that allows it to adapt to many different kinds of environments, changing its appearance and abilities completely in order for it to better suit its surroundings. It all depends on its habitat. Eevee is not like Ditto, who can transfrom into any Pokémon it sees and change back whenever it suits it; Eevee's evolution is permanent and is triggered by fulfilling certain requirements. In Red, Blue and Yellow, evolving Eevee was relatively easy, as Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon were obtainable by exposing Eevee to a Water Stone, Thunder Stone or Fire Stone, respectively. After that, it became harder to have Eevee evolve. Espeon and Umbreon can both be obtained by maxing out Eevee's friendship level and then leveling it up during the daytime or nighttime, respectively. Eevee will evolve into either Leafeon or Glaceon by leveling it up near the Moss Rock or Ice Rock, respectively, but this can be hard, as Eevee has often been unobtainable (or the Moss and Ice Rock inaccessible) in the main storyline since Diamond and Pearl. Finally, Gen. VI saw the introduction of Sylveon, who can be obtained by leveling up Eevee while it has a fairy-type move on it and two affection hearts in Pokémon-Amie.

ISN'T THIS THE MOST ADORABLE THING YOU HAVE EVER
SEEN???

Eevee has always been one of the most popular Pokémon, and it seems to be Game Freak's sweetheart as well. In the first, second and fourth generations, as well as FireRed and LeafGreen (Red and Blue remakes), Eevee is given to the player by a non-player character (NPC). In Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokémon Conquest, as well as some Mystery Dungeon games, Eevee is the starter Pokémon, while Pokémon Colosseum lets you start with two fully evolved Eeveelutions: Espeon and Umbreon. It's not a surprise that Eevee is so popular: because it is able to evolve into eight different Pokémon of eight different types, it is so diverse that it is impossible not to have at least one favorite Eeveelution. And maybe Eevee itself is one of your favorite Pokémon, just because it's so friggin' adorable. There is an abundance of cute Eevee fan art to be found on the Internet, as well as countless pieces of Eeveelution fan art. And rightfully so, because there is something to be said for any one of the Eeveelutions: Jolteon is the coolest, for example, while Flareon is the cutest, Espeon and Sylveon are the prettiest and Umbreon has the prettiest shiny form.

Look at how savage they are. ROAR!!!

It really helps that each Eeveelution has its own distinct flavor and battle tactics. Vaporeon, for example, has a cell structure that is similar to water molecules, which allows it to melt away and make itself invisible while underwater. It has the ability to control water, and when its fins begin to vibrate, it is a sign that rain will come within a few hours. Because it shares traits with felines and fish, Vaporeon's design may be a visual pun on the catfish, although it may also be inspired by the Telchines of Greek mythology, the original inhabitants of Rhodes. Eevee and its evolutions are even said to be based off of canines, but I personally think they look more feline rather than canine, with the notable exception of Jolteon. Back to Vaporeon. Competitively, Vaporeon has some beefy HP to it, as well as excellent special attack and some pretty damn good special defense. It is therefore often used as a wall, sporting a Bold nature to beef up its mediocre defense, so that it can take physical hits just as well as special ones. Combine it with the ability Water Absorb (nullifies all water-type attacks used on Vaporeon and heals it for 25% of its maximum HP whenever possible), the Leftovers to gain some HP back every turn, the Wish/Protect combo and Heal Bell for some annoying recovery, and Scald for a high chance to burn and thus reduce the impact of physical hits on Vaporeon, and Vaporeon just becomes a pain in the ass. You can also go for an all-out offensive approach; its excellent special attack and access to Ice Beam and other coverage moves like Signal Beam and Shadow Ball leaves it perfectly viable for that.

Awww, Eeveelutions can be cute, too! 

Jolteon, on the other hand, is all about the hit-and-run tactic. It excels in special attack and speed and is therefore more often used as an all-out attacker. A Timid nature, a Life Orb or the Choice Specs as held item and the ability Quick Feet (increases speed when suffering from a non-volatile status condition, although Volt Absorb works great, too) really help it to outspeed most other Pokémon and KO them in one or two hits, especially with moves like Thunderbolt, Volt Switch, Signal Beam and any type of Hidden Power. Jolteon can also learn Shadow Ball, if you find that convenient. Its relatively low HP and defense render it quite frail, though, so watch out. But it's not only its utility in the competitive scene that makes Jolteon a cool Pokémon: its design and flavor are some of the best of the Eeveelutions, in my opinion. Electric-type Pokémon tend to have cool, streamlined designs, and Jolteon is no exception. It is easily sad, angered or startled, and when it is, the hairs of its fur become needles that are fired at its opponents. Every time its mood changes, it accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10,000-volt lightning bolts. Even its cells produce electrical charges, which Jolteon amplifies with the static electricity of its fur and eventually discharges. Because of its feline traits, Jolteon may be based on Raijū, a mythical beast from Japanese mythology whose body is made of thunder and may take the form of a cat.

Fun fact: Jolteon is actually the only Eeveelution with no visible tail.

There is an abundance of cool and cute Eeveelution fan art to be
found on the Internet, but you'll encounter the occasional funny
piece as well. 

But while Jolteon is cool and all, it is not my favorite Eeveelution. Flareon is, and that's because its design comes closest to Eevee of all Eeveelutions. And I love Eevee for its adorableness, so take one guess why I prefer Flareon over all of the others... Exactly, because it's the fluffiest. Its flavor is perfect for that, too, as its fire typing causes it to have a high body temperature up to 1,650°F. That's where its fluffy fur comes into play: it acts as a conductor to release heat into the air, so that Flareon's body doesn't become excessively hot. Its high body temperature is caused by an internal flame sac, which Flareon uses to store and heat inhaled air then exhale it as fire as hot as 3,000°F. This sounds incredibly powerful, but sadly, Flareon isn't such a good competitive battler. It just doesn't seem to have the right stat distribution, because its attack is fantastic and its special defense is really good as well, but everything else just doesn't fit in. It has mediocre HP, defense and speed, which means it is quite frail and will often have to take a hit before it gets the chance to attack, provided that it does get a chance to attack. Its lack of good physical fire-type moves up until Gen. V made it one of the least favorite Eeveelutions to use competitively, which is more than understandable. Thankfully, it got Flare Blitz in Gen. VI, but it deals recoil damage, so watch out with that. As for the rest of its set, Superpower and Quick Attack are must-haves, while Iron Tail can be used to cover rock and fairy types and Substitute may be an option to delay Flareon's downfall. Give it an Adamant nature and give it a Choice Band, or make use of its hidden ability Guts, which increases Flareon's attack by 50% when it has a status condition, and let it hold a Toxic Orb (a Flame Orb won't work, because fire-type Pokémon can't get burned). The Choice Band is the better option, but because of the lack of good physical moves and its poor stat distribution, Flareon sucks ass in the competitive scene. It breaks my heart to say that, but yeah...

More Eeveelution fan art. 

Luckily, we have Espeon, who has about the same hit-and-run tactic like Jolteon. Blessed with excellent special attack and very good speed, Espeon is a great Pokémon to use in the UU tier. It has access to Psychic, Dazzling Gleam and Shadow Ball, as well as Signal Beam, Grass Knot and Morning Sun for some instant recovery, just for convenience. A Timid nature and the Choice Specs or Choice Scarf (a Life Orb if you want to add Calm Mind to Espeon's moveset) are recommended, as is its ability Magic Bounce, which reflects all status moves that would otherwise disadvantage Espeon back to the opponent. Hah, try to Thunder Wave me now, bitch! Synchronize, which causes the opponent to get the same status condition they gave to Espeon, seems nice, but you're better off with Magic Bounce. Espeon seems like a magical Pokémon in the first place, and that's not that far from the truth. Espeon uses the fine hairs of the velvety fur that covers its body to sense and read air currents, so that it can predict the future, the weather and an opponent's movements, while its forked tail quivers when it does that. Espeon appears to be based on the nekomata, also known as bake-neko, which are mysterious and intelligent fork-tailed cats. Ancient writings describe the nekomata as having 'eyes like a cat and a body like a dog', which could explain why Espeon looks feline as well as canine. Espeon is a light-hearted and loyal Pokémon, other than Umbreon (who was introduced in Gen. II alongside Espeon), who has kind of a dark personality.

Shiny Umbreon has blue rings and yellow eyes instead of yellow
rings and red eyes. I think it's very fancy. 

That is not exactly surprising, as Umbreon is a dark-type Pokémon. Being completely black, it can make itself perfectly invisible during nighttime, although the yellow rings on its fur glow faintly when it is exposed to the moon's aura (which is how it evolved in the first place) or when it gets exceptionally excited. It's also a defense mechanism that strikes fear into the hearts anyone nearby, and whenever it is agitated it sprays a poisonous sweat to keep the foe at bay. Its flavor suggests that Umbreon takes on more of a defensive tactic, and that is exactly what it is about. Provided with excellent defenses and some pretty good HP, Umbreon acts as a tank and is usually a pain to take down. Its attacking stats are really poor, though, but it doesn't need them, so don't worry. The Wish/Protect combo is a common tactic that makes Moonlight for instant recovery kinda useless, but it has Heal Bell to cure status conditions and Foul Play to deal some good damage, using the foe's attack stat against them rather than using its own. That way, it doesn't even matter if you're running a Calm, Careful, Impish or Bold nature; any of those is completely fine for it. Of course, the Leftovers are the obvious held item for it, but this time you'd do better to run Synchronize, as Inner Focus only prevents Umbreon from flinching. That seems nice, but it is purely situational and Umbreon can take a hit just fine, anyway. I just can't get over the fact that it looks a little like a hare or a rabbit (the ears!), which is why it could be based on East Asian folklores concerning a moon rabbit.

Why is it so HARD to pick fan art for this article? This one is
totally cute, though.

The Gen. IV additions work a little bit differently from Espeon and Umbreon, as Leafeon is just a... why, it's basically a plant. Well, its genetic structure is that of a plant, which allows it to perform photosynthesis and purify the air around it by sleeping under patches of sunshine. Although it is a pacifist and prefers not to fight, Leafeon has some very good attack, excellent defense and some pretty decent speed. All of its other stats are kinda meh, but if you manage to get a Swords Dance off, you can sweep with Leaf Blade and X-Scissor. Leafeon learns Knock Off, which is handy to make the foe lose its held item, while Synthesis provides some recovery, Baton Pass can be used to pass on the attack boost from Swords Dance to another Pokémon, and Iron Tail provides some very nice coverage against ice and fairy types. Those are all viable options. So what about natures, items and abilities? An Adamant nature isn't bad, but it's not preferred over a Jolly nature. A Choice Band locks Leafeon into using just one move until it is switched out, but it boosts its attack by 50%, while a Life Orb works just as well. Now, Leafeon works best in a sun team, because both of its abilities are only beneficial when the sun is up: Chlorophyll will double its speed, while Leaf Guard prevents it from being afflicted by non-volatile status conditions. So slapping Sunny Day on it might not be a bad idea, either. Additionally, you can even go the (physically) defensive way, but there's Vaporeon and Umbreon for that, so it's kind of unnecessary.

If you gather all Eeveelutions together, the result is a very
colorful bunch. 

Leafeon is definitely a good Pokémon, but Glaceon faces the same problem as Flareon: its stat distribution is not quite right. It has excellent special attack and some pretty good defensive stats, but it doesn't have the speed and HP stats to back them up. It can take a hit, but not exceptionally well, and like Flareon, Glaceon suffers from 'Shallow Movepool Syndrome': the best moves it gets are Ice Beam, Shadow Ball and Signal Beam, but that's about it. Water Pulse and Hidden Power are weaker options with just base 60 power, but I guess Glaceon can pull them off decently with that base 130 special attack. Just make sure you have a Modest-natured one holding the Choice Specs or a Life Orb. Maybe you'd be better off teaching Glaceon Hail, since both its abilities trigger when it's hailing: Snow Cloak raises Glaceon's evasion by 25%, while Ice Body heals a little of its maximum HP every turn. It's a tactic, but it takes time and it's a little bland; just use Vaporeon if you want an Eeveelution with Ice Beam. It's as slow as Glaceon and doesn't hit as hard, but it's bulkier and at least you're sure it'll survive a few hits. Unfortunately, Glaceon's flavor is as bland as its battle strategy. It can freeze its fur and make it stick out like sharp needles, and it is capable of creating ice crystals around it by lowering the temperature of its body and its surroundings. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that is overly special. I really, really like Glaceon's design a lot, but I don't think I would ever use it; at least not competitively.

Sylveon the dragonslayer.

Finally there's Sylveon, the latest addition to the Eevee family. X and Y introduced Pokémon-Amie, a sort of in-game app that allows you to pet and feed your Pokémon. Play with Eevee for a while and have it gain two affection hearts, and it will evolve when you level it up while it knows a fairy-type move. It'll be worth your while, though, as Sylveon is a beautiful Pokémon with a calm vibe to it, emitting a soothing aura from its ribbon-like feelers to calm fights. Of course, Sylveon is very affectionate towards you because you played with it in Pokémon-Amie, so it has the tendency to wrap its feelers around its Trainer's arms and walk with them. Sylveon is based on a sylph, a mythological spirit described as invisible beings of the air, which is why it received the brand new fairy typing. The fairy type has become infamous for its advantage over dragon types, being super effective on and completely immune to them. That's also what makes Sylveon so incredibly popular, along with the fact that it's capable of learning Psyshock, a well-liked move that deals physical damage using the user's special attack. Throw in a Modest nature, the moves Shadow Ball, Moonblast and either Hidden Power or Calm Mind with Choice Specs or a Life Orb, respectively, and it'll be tough to take down, especially on the special side of the spectrum. A Timid nature is an option, but Sylveon isn't very fast in the first place, and you want to max out that delicious special attack. As its special defense is by far its best stat, you could also run the Wish/Protect combo, although Vaporeon is generally better-suited for that, as it has more HP (even though Sylveon's base 95 HP isn't bad in the slightest).

Oh, one more thing: Cute Charm is a bad ability; you definitely want its hidden ability Pixilate, which turns all normal-type moves it uses into fairy-type moves. That works well with Hyper Voice, turning it into a STAB move for Sylveon that goes right through Substitute. It's weaker than Moonblast by only five base points, but it does get a boost from Pixilate, so it certainly pays off!

Very glittery and fancy fan art of the Eeveelutions, with Sylveon in the forefront.

In the end, not all Eeveelutions are equally good, but at least everyone has a favorite one. As I already stated, mine is Flareon, even though it is not the best battler out there. Besides, Eevee is so goddamn cute that it almost kills me. And yes, I know I'm a guy and all, but I have a thing for amazingly cute Pokémon, okay? So leave me be. Anyway, the fact that Eevee evolves into eight different Pokémon (obviously not at the same time) makes it one of the most unique Pokémon to date. And I have the feeling that the developers at Game Freak aren't done with Eevee yet, because I'm wondering whether Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon will contain brand new Eeveelutions as well, even though this whole sun-and-moon concept has been done with Espeon and Umbreon before (and again with Solrock and Lunatone). Then again, new Eeveelutions might be entirely unrelated to the games' storyline.

Okay, what the hell am I doing? We know absolutely nothing about the new games, only that they were announced a short while ago. It's way too early to speculate about games that won't be released until next winter, which is still nine months away, ha ha ha. Damn. Anyhow, all I know is that Eevee and the existing Eeveelutions are definitely some of my favorite Pokémon, because of their designs and uniqueness. You probably won't be surprised I'm giving all of them a perfect rating.

AND NOW I'M DONE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, GODDAMMIT! (Just kidding.)

Rating: 5/5

#132: Ditto

GIF of two Ditto (one of them is shiny) transforming into Dawn's
Piplup and Ash's Pikachu. 

And then we have this thing.

Ditto is the abomination of the first generation. It was designed for absolutely no purpose other than being a gimmicky Pokémon. Being able to rearrange its entire cellular structure, Ditto can transform into any Pokémon it sees. This gimmick is actually pretty pointless, because it envelops a tactic that doesn't really work at all. Ditto only knows the move Transorm and can't learn anything else, and until the fourth generation, transforming into the Pokémon of your liking took up an entire turn. But even with its hidden ability Imposter, Ditto is still not a good Pokémon to use. Here's my problem: if Ditto changes into the opponent's Pokémon, it gains the opponent's species, typing, moves (all have only 5 PP after using Transform), ability, stats (except for HP), EV investment, EV yield, catch rate, possible stat modifications and possible Mega evolution, right? But to counter Blastoise with Blastoise or Bisharp with Bisharp makes no sense, as water resists water and steel resists steel, while countering Mismagius with Mismagius or Salamence with Salamence isn't beneficial either, because both ghost and dragon are super effective against themselves. Even when you copy an attack that is super effective on the opponent, the opponent will have that same super-effective move on Ditto as well. And with such low base HP and basically no PP on its copied moves, Ditto is almost always the first to go down.

Ditto, the whore of the Pokémon world.

Thankfully, Ditto has actually been useful from Gen. II onward, because it is used for breeding. You see, Ditto is nothing more than a dirty ho, and it will fuck anything to produce offspring without having the goodwill to pay child support. It doesn't even have the decency to go to some sort of Red Light District; it just does it in a goddamn day care. That's utterly redonkulous! All jokes aside though, you can have almost any Pokémon breed with Ditto to produce eggs. Those eggs will always contain the species you let breed with Ditto, as it is impossible to obtain an egg that contains a Ditto. Most of the time, this is what Ditto is used for in the first place: many Trainers use it for breeding in order to obtain Pokémon of other species with perfect IVs and their preferred natures and abilities. Of course, this is only possible because of Ditto's ability to transform into anything it sees. Strangely, Transform is not its signature move, as there is one other Pokémon that can learn it naturally: Mew. Ditto doesn't only have that in common with Mew, either: they have the same coloration for their regular appearances, the same shiny coloration, the same weight (8.8 pounds), perfectly balanced base stats (Ditto's at 48, Mew's at 100) and no gender.

There is a popular fan theory roaming around on the Internet that says Ditto is a failed attempt at cloning Mew, as in Pokémon Yellow there are Ditto to be found in the Pokémon Mansion on Cinnabar Island and Cerulean Cave. That mansion is where several experiments with Mew and Mewtwo were carried out, and the cave is the place where Mewtwo can be found and caught. This theory is not confirmed, however, and these kinds of speculations don't have anything useful to add to Ditto's flavor.

Stills from "Ditto's Mysterious Mansion"; season 1, episode 37.
Duplica's Ditto doesn't seem to have perfected the art of
transforming, so it seems. Its attempts to properly transform into
Pikachu, Voltorb, Bulbasaur and Machoke, respectively, all
failed.

Speaking of which, Ditto is excruciatingly boring. Its design is nothing more than a pink blob and all of its Pokédex entries come down to the same damn thing: it can copy the foe's genetic code and reconstruct its own cellular structure to transform into any foe that stands in front it. There is one notable exception in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald's entries, as they state that Ditto may get some details wrong when relying solely on its memory to transform into a Pokémon (or an inanimate object, for that matter). The anime demonstrated that some Ditto can't even properly transform into something that stands before it. In "Ditto's Mysterious Mansion", Ash and his friends come across a girl called Duplica (I'm not lying, that's the chick's actual name), who wants to be a Ditto master and a star in performing. Much to her dismay, though, her Ditto isn't capable of mirroring other Pokémon's faces correctly. But when Team Rocket abduct Ditto and threaten to hurt it if it doesn't do what they want, Ditto transforms into an exact replica of Meowth, which leaves Duplica thoroughly ecstatic after she and the rest come to Ditto's rescue.

I don't like Ditto. Except for the sole purpose of breeding, it is absolutely pointless: its design is very unimaginative, it's a terrible battler and it can't even be used as an HM slave. And if you want a Ditto with perfect IVs, you'd better go looking for hacked Powersaves Ditto, because obtaining a legit one is extremely hard. I don't hate Ditto, but I'd lie if I told you that I'm not at least a little bit bothered by its existence. It's by far not as terrible as Lickilicky and Mr. Mime, two horrendous Pokémon I already discussed before, but still...

Rating: 1.5/5

#131: Lapras

Lapras's surfing sprite in Pokémon X and Y. All of the
other surfing Pokémon are depicted as black blobs.

Imagine you could go anywhere just by riding Lapras. You won't be polluting the environment by emitting carbon dioxide when driving your car, transport is completely free of charge, and, most importantly, you won't be surrounded by noisy and nosy people: Lapras is all for yourself. If only that was possible...

Yeah, dream on.

Well, in the Pokémon world, Lapras is actually a very timid and docile but gentle Pokémon that is more than willing to ferry people across large bodies of water, a trait that has been recurrently demonstrated in the Pokémon franchise. During the Orange Islands saga, Ash owned a baby Lapras that took him and his friends everywhere they needed to go, from island to island and from adventure to adventure. Furthermore, the surfing sprite in X and Y is actually a Lapras instead of a vague black blur and the games in the Mystery Dungeon series often feature a Lapras that transports the main characters to other continents. There are probably other examples, but I was just trying to make a point here: Lapras is all about transporting other people and/or Pokémon, hence its classification as the 'Transport Pokémon'.

Fan art of Lapras leaping from the ocean water.

Except for the fact that there aren't any real-life marine creatures that will ferry you across the oceans, Lapras' flavor in general is interesting and very well-executed in the anime and games. It seems to be loosely based on the Scottish fable of the Monster of Loch Ness, but strongly resembles a species of marine dinosaurs from the Jurassic period known as the plesiosaur. Lapras is a very compassionate and intelligent Pokémon that can understand human speech (which is not extraordinary, because any other Pokémon is able to understand human speech as well) and can read the minds of people, and is so rare due to it being overhunted almost to extinction by hunters that take advantage of its gentle and pacifist nature. Therefore, it sings enchanting melodies to seek or keep in touch with others of its kind. All of these characteristics can be comparable to some cetaceans, marine mammals like whales and dolphins.

Fun fact: Lapras's name is a corruption of the surname of Pierre-Simon Laplace, an influential French mathematician who wrote several books on the mathematical properties of the sea and tides, and/or a corruption of la place, which is French for 'the seat' and refers to how passengers sit on its back like a seat to be ferried across the waters. Additionally, its name may also be derived from lapis lazuli, a deep blue semi-precious stone that has been prized for its intense color since ancient times.

More Lapras fan art. 

But despite the fact that Lapras rarely fight, Game Freak can hardly prohibit you to use Lapras to fight with in the games, especially in the competitive scene. And Lapras is a bulky Pokémon with well-rounded stats across the board, possessing some beefy HP and alright offensive and defensive stats. Its speed isn't that good, but Lapras is meant to take some hits, so it doesn't matter anyway. Now, there are a few ways to use this thing. Firstly, an all-out attacking Lapras isn't uncommon: Lapras can learn a shit-ton of good offensive moves, including Ice Beam, Scald, Freeze-Dry, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Surf, Dragon Pulse, Ancient Power, Bulldoze, Body Slam, Zen Headbutt, Waterfall, Aqua Tail, Iron Head, Iron Tail and Outrage. A Modest nature and Choice Specs help pump up the strength of its moves even further, but Lapras isn't the best attacker out there (although I'm not saying that it's bad by any means). I recommend utilize Lapras's natural bulk and breed one with a Bold nature, while you maximize its HP and defense EVs and, to a lesser extent, invest some in its special attack as well. It should be holding the Leftovers and its moveset should consist of Scald (does some STAB damage and has a high chance to burn the opposing Pokémon), Rest, Heal Bell (heals all of your Pokémon's status conditions) and Roar (forces the opponent to switch into another Pokémon, which is handy if the opposing Pokémon is setting up). Ditching Roar for Freeze-Dry or Ice Beam is optional. Anyway, to top all of that, Shell Armor is an excellent ability that prevents the opponent to pull off a critical hit on Lapras, which only adds up to Lapras's bulk. Water Absorb is nice too, absorbing incoming water-type attacks and even getting some HP recovery from them, while Hydration cures any non-volatile status condition while it's raining and works primarily on a rain team. It can be useful in combination with Rest, though.

In the end, Lapras is a very interesting Pokémon that has a lot going for it. Some Pokémon are easily forgettable, but the motherfuckers at Game Freak have done everything in their power to let nobody forget about it. And rightfully so, because Lapras is an excellent Pokémon that deserves some love.

Rating: 4/5