#554 - #555: Darumaka & Darmanitan

I guess Darumaka's inability to be toppled over when asleep helps
it balancing a whole-ass fruit basket on its head - or berry basket,
rather.

These Pokémon are wild, yo.

Game Freak took the concept of a daruma doll - a round, traditional Japanese doll that is popular as a good-luck charm and is modeled after Bodhidharma, the founder of the Zen tradition of Buddhism - and made the Pokémon that is based on it the complete opposite of what most people think Zen Buddhism represents (calmness, peace and meditation, for example). When Darumaka's internal flame burns, it is incredibly energetic and active to the point that it cannot calm down and becomes uncontrollable, even though it isn't an aggressive Pokémon by nature. It even uses its droppings to dispose of excess heat; in fact, these droppings are so hot that people back in the day used to put them in their clothes to keep themselves warm, which... kind of grosses me out a little, to be honest. Holy shit, that's actually disgusting.

Thank God for central heating, amirite?

However, Darumaka's internal flame shrinks when it falls asleep, and when it does it tucks in its arms and legs and refuses to be tipped over no matter how much it is pushed or pulled. In this state, Darumaka resembles a daruma doll of the kind that cannot be knocked over due to its low center of gravity, like a roly-poly toy. Even Darumaka's fire typing is a reference to a practice called daruma-burning, in which all daruma dolls are brought back to the temple they were purchased from for a traditional burning ceremony that is held once a year, usually right after New Year's Day. After expressing gratitude to the dolls, people turn them over to the temple and buy new ones for the next year.

Promotional TCG art of Darmanitan. Those flaming eyebrows are
nothing short of fabulous.

But if you think Darumaka is interesting, you haven't seen anything yet. It's not necessarily Darumaka who's wild; it's its evolution Darmanitan who pulls out all the stops. To quote Chris from Pokémaniacal: "[...] if Darumaka is turned up to eleven, Darmanitan just plain blows up the meter." And goddamn, the dude is right. While Darumaka looks like a cute little monkey to some extent, Darmanitan's manic grin, big-ass fists and round, black-ringed eyes will make you be sure not to mess with it. This motherfucker just looks downright insane, and its Pokédex entries back that up: Darmanitan's internal fire burns at 2,500°F, making enough power so that one punch can destroy a dump truck. And if it can destroy a dump truck with one punch, surely a plane, a bridge or even a skyscraper wouldn't be a problem, either. However, to correspond with Darmanitan's origins regarding Zen charms and all that shit, Game Freak gave it a hidden ability called Zen Mode, which is also the name of the form Darmanitan takes on whenever one with this ability drops below half of its health - or as its Pokédex entries like to state: it transforms into a stone statue whenever it is injured in a fierce battle, only to sharpen its mind and fight on mentally. Zen Mode Darmanitan even seems to be based on the adage of the three wise monkeys - "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", often used to refer to those who deal with impropriety by turning a blind eye - judging by the fact that Zen Mode Darmanitan have their eyes become blank (like on a real daruma doll), their mouths shut tightly and their ears covered, sitting patiently in contrast to their bold posture in Standard Mode. It may even be a direct reference to Bodhidharma, achieving enlightenment.

This also makes me realize that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour - all Pokémon that are based on the three wise monkeys - are actually really redundant considering Zen Mode Darmanitan was introduced in the exact same generation as them. Perhaps the elemental monkeys look more simian than Darmanitan does, but you can't deny it looks very ape-like; in fact, its name suggests that it is based on an orangutan, with its pre-evolution probably being based on a macaque.

N with... some of his Pokémon, I guess? Actually, I think this drawing is kind of
inaccurate; only Darmanitan was his, and he released it when in the Desert Resort.

But while Darmanitan is normally a physically offensive glass cannon, Zen Mode Darmanitan is a special tank that gets the psychic type added to it, has its power shifted from the physical to the special side of the spectrum and has to deliver some speed in exchange for a lot more bulk. The thing is that this doesn't work all that well, because it means you'll have to let your Darmanitan's health bar drop to less than 50% in the first place, leaving you with a slower (albeit bulkier) Pokémon with more than half of its HP missing. Not only is this not ideal, you'll have to start off with a Standard Mode Darmanitan using physical moves and continue with a Zen Mode Darmanitan using special moves halfway through, even though a Pokémon can only learn four different moves. It's one thing giving a certain Pokémon one special move for coverage purposes, it's another building a whole moveset for a Pokémon that revolves around two different strategies. It just doesn't work.

Darmanitan, stop monkeying around. I'm starting to think that
 Game Freak were right in giving you its Japanese and German
names of Hihidaruma (ヒヒダルマ) and Flampivian, which both
contain the word for 'baboon' in their respective language (hihi
and Pavian, respectively).

Fortunately, Zen Mode Darmanitan is only available if it's given its hidden ability. Darmanitan has only one regular ability, but it's an awesome one: Sheer Force adds more power to moves with additional effects (except for moves that have a higher crit ratio or affect the user negatively), which really compliments Darmanitan's monstrous base 140 attack stat. Along with decent base 95 speed, a Jolly or Adamant nature and a Life Orb, Choice Scarf or Choice Band as its held item, this juggernaut has the potential to destroy lives. Unfortunately, defense is not really Darmanitan's forte; its amazing HP stat doesn't do anything for its nonexistent defenses, while its best physical fire-type attack is Flare Blitz, which deals recoil damage. Combine these things and Darmanitan gets worn down really quickly. There's always the option to go for Fire Punch instead, but Flare Blitz is just more common in competitive because it's more powerful, so it's not recommended. Rock Slide and Earthquake don't always go well with a fire-type move, and U-Turn is only very common on Darmanitan to get it the hell off the battlefield in an unwanted situation while still doing damage, but it has a couple of nifty coverage moves up its sleeve: Hammer Arm and Superpower are solid fighting-type options and go well with Flare Blitz, while Zen Headbutt is an option if you feel threatened by certain fighting- and poison-type Pokémon, although Earthquake is generally better to deal with the latter.

This kind of fan art suits Darmanitan perfectly, and that makes me happy.

I absolutely fucking love Darmanitan. Its origins are beyond interesting, it has an incredibly savage personality, and its design is insanely over the top; it's a downright monstrosity and that's exactly what makes me love it so much. It's a shame that Game Freak couldn't properly implement its origins into its game mechanics, because Zen Mode Darmanitan ties in perfectly with this whole Zen theme Game Freak were going for, but in the end it doesn't matter: I love Darmanitan mainly for the monster that it is, even though it may be a tad bit overpowered in an in-game setting, which is, naturally, exactly why I used it so many times in playthroughs. This Pokémon is high up on my list of favorite Pokémon and I can't give it anything other than a rock-solid rating of 5 stars.

Rating: 5/5

#513 - #514: Pansear & Simisear

Simisear ranked last in the Japanese Pokémon general election 720 poll to decide what would be distributed at Japanese showings of Pokémon the Movie: Volcanion and the Mechanical Marvel, so I guess it's safe to say that it was effectively voted the (Japanese) fandom's least favorite Pokémon, right? The fact that the elemental monkeys - barring Pansage, for some reason - all ended up in the bottom 100 of this big list is a testament to their joint unpopularity, and it's just... unwarranted.

All of the elemental monkeys depicted together, with Pansear
and Simisear in the middle.

Having said that, Simisear might just be the silliest-looking elemental monkey, with its sassy stance and that goofy look on its face. There's a reason for that, though. Its appearance of wearing a fur jacket and fingerless gloves - as well as its hands being outstretched like it's gripping a pair of handlebars - are reminiscent of traits of bōsōzoku, a Japanese youth subculture associated with customized motorcycles. Like Simisage and Simipour, Simisear is based on the Japanese tale of the three wise monkeys that together form the embodiment of the proverbial principle of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", which is used to refer to people who choose to ignore inappropriate things when they see them and even got its own (quite popular) emojis to be used on a variety of social media platforms. However, the idea is that Simisage, Simisear and Simipour failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys; and as bōsōzoku gangs often like to remove the mufflers on their vehicles so that more noise is produced and people start complaining about noise pollution, it is obvious that Simisear is supposed to have failed to hear no evil. Even the names of Pansear and Simisear, with the suffix -sear being derived from 'to sear' as well as 'ear' or 'to hear', are direct references to the 'three wise monkeys' motif all elemental monkeys share with each other. And is it me, or are Simisear's ears larger than Simisage and Simipour's...?

Hear no evil.

But wait, what about Pansear? Well, its Pokédex entries only mention it living in volcanic cave and roasting berries with its tuft, which can reach temperatures of up to 600°F whenever it is angered - not the hottest I've seen in flavor texts of fire-type Pokémon so far. Simisear doesn't fare that much better: while bōsōzoku also like to engage in reckless driving, street races and getting into fights that may or may not include weapons, no such behavior is spoken of in Simisear's Pokédex entries, unlike Simisage's foul temper being derived from the yankii subculture. Simisear just likes to eat sweet foods in order to sustain the flame flickering inside its body, and it scatters embers from its head and tail to sear opponents or whenever it gets excited. I actually think this is far from exciting, and its competitive usage honestly does nothing to improve that. Simisear is pretty much the same as Simisage in that regard, with good offensive stats and speed as well as mediocre defenses, and the only difference being its fire type. Most of the fire type moves it has access to are special-based, and a Nasty Plot set supported by Fire Blast, Grass Knot and Focus Blast was a 'common' set to use prior to Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, but ever since you can breed the move Flare Blitz onto Simisear it is better to just run a physical set on it, especially with its superior physical coverage movepool.

Its moveset - accompanied by a Jolly nature and either a Life Orb or a Choice Band as a held item - should indeed consist of Flare Blitz, Knock Off (Crunch and Throat Chop might be more reliable in the end), Superpower and Gunk Shot, which is the same as Simisage's aside from the elemental move specific to its type. Rock Slide is unfortunately not as compatible with Simisear as it is with Simisage, although it is an option, and Acrobatics could come in handy when your own item is knocked off. Be wary with Flare Blitz, though, as it deals a significant amount of recoil damage to Simisear.

Here is a picture of Simisage in TCG, because there is literally nothing else I can
use for this blog. Good fan art of this thing is incredibly scarce. 

While I'm aware that I seem to be more critical of Simisear than of Simisage, this simply isn't true. Admittedly, I love Simisage a whole lot more than its contemporaries, but competitively Simisage is as bad as Simisear and I'd rather use something else in such a 'professional' environment. It's better to use the monkeys in a normal playthrough - although maybe not all three at the same fucking time - and have fun with them as you proceed through the story. Design-wise, I like Simisear even better than Infernape, the other fire-type monkey, but its strangely shaped lower body prevents me from giving it a higher rating overall. I just don't have the same love for it as I do for Simisage, and even Simipour is slightly better design-wise. Still, 3,5 stars isn't so bad at all for a Pokémon that is universally being hated upon.

Rating: 3.5/5

#498 - #500: Tepig, Pignite & Emboar

Left: cute little Tepig seems to be a bit surprised by the flames
coming out of its snout. Right: what's a better way to show how
awkward Pignite really is than posting an image of its fucking
official art? Seriously though, who the hell came up with this?

My initial reaction to the red-hot Unova fire-type starters was... lukewarm. By the time Pokémon Black and White were released, I was as sick and tired of fire/fighting starters as everybody else in the fandom, and so I almost always ended up picking either Snivy or Oshawott when playing these games - or their sequels, for that matter. It's not Tepig's fault, really. This cute little British Saddleback piggy deftly dodges its foe's attacks while shooting fireballs from its nose, although the fire becomes pitch-black smoke when it catches a cold. Adorable. Nothing wrong with this thing... until it evolves into Pignite, that is. Whereas I would rather keep Tepig as a pet, I want to slaughter Pignite and make bacon out of it; it's that ugly. It's fat, which wouldn't have been a problem if this thing wasn't bipedal, and the brownish black fur makes it seem like it's wearing a wrestling singlet. This may sound weird coming from a gay man, but I don't think two sweaty men fighting it out in ugly bodysuits is particularly sexy, and a cartoon pig with fur that reminds me of such a suit is just plain weird. Pignite's flavor doesn't really help its cause, either: it has a fire in its stomach that it fuels with food, and the more fuel is added, the swifter and sharper its movements become. Every time it fires off a Flamethrower at your Pokémon, it's getting hit by burned-up gastric acids; think about that for a second when fighting this thing. Gross. By the way, there's nothing in the games that makes Pignite faster other than the move Flame Charge, which almost all fire-type Pokémon can learn.

Emboar being a badass in promotional TCG art.

But maybe I'm just so negative about Pignite because I really hate its design. Emboar, by contrast, is quite okay design-wise; while retaining the main feature of the British Saddleback (the 'striped' fur), it also adopts traits from wild boars and wrestlers - although arguably less awkwardly so than Pignite - as well as a couple of references to Chinese fairytales. First off, Emboar seems to be based on a soldier described in Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a critically acclaimed 14th-century historical novel attributed to Luo Guanzhong that is regarded as one of the Four Great Classical Novels in Chinese literature, just like Journey to the West. Much like Infernape is based on Sun Wukong from this classical novel, Emboar may be based on the pig demon Zhu Bajie, especially since Ken Sugimori stated that the entire evolution line were designed in a Chinese style. In fact, the swirl pattern around Emboar's abdomen resembles the patterns on ding, prehistoric and ancient Chinese cauldrons used for cooking, storage and ritual offerings to the gods or ancestors. The fact that Emboar is literally the only fire-type Pokémon that can learn Scald aside from Volcanion (who is also a water type) proves that it derives heavily from ding. Flavor-wise, Emboar has the most interesting Pokédex entries when compared to its pre-evolutions: the perenially flaring beard of fire is proof that it is fired up, and it uses this wreath of flames on its chin to ignite its fists and throw fiery punches our way. Holy shit, this thing has inflammable fists and it is not afraid to use them. That is awesome.

Awesome realistic art of Emboar. This is very well done.

Too bad Emboar isn't about using its fists in the competitive metagame, then. Sure, it learns Fire Punch just fine... by means of a Move Tutor. I'm literally laughing out loud right now; sometimes I think a Pokémon is so well-thought-out that I think the people at Game Freak are geniuses, and at moments like these I tend to believe those motherfuckers absolutely don't know what the heck they're doing. Anyway, Emboar's stat distribution seems to be kind of odd in a way, with excellent HP and attack, very good special attack and mediocre everything else. That means it won't outspeed a lot of things and won't take hits as well as you'd wish it to. Fortunately, there is a Choice Scarf set that can make this Pokémon potentially dangerous for any opposing team, and it involves a Jolly nature and Emboar's hidden ability Reckless. This ability increases the base power of moves that cause recoil damage by 20%, and let me tell you that Emboar learns quite a few of these. Flare Blitz will be its main source of power, as it's a fire-type move and thus provides some excellent STAB. Head Smash is, strangely, a level-up move that Emboar has access to and it can do some serious damage if you don't watch out (it already has a base power of 150, which will increase to 180 when applying Reckless), while Wild Charge through TM provides amazing type coverage against water and flying types, both of which Emboar is weak to. The last recoil-dealing move Emboar has access to is Take Down, but that is not a good move at all and should be avoided at all costs. Instead, go with a fighting-type move that matches up with Emboar's secondary typing, like Brick Break, Hammer Arm or Superpower, or - better yet - give it Scald. It may not be the best Pokémon to make use of that move, but at least you'll have an increased chance of burning a foe that relies on physical moves, which means Emboar can take a couple of hits in turn. On top of that, it hits rock types super-effectively and perhaps even more effectively than a STAB fighting-type move.

Emboar standing in the arena, ready to kick some ass. 

I actually think Emboar isn't that bad of a Pokémon. I like it more than Infernape, whom I'm currently using in an Ultra Moon playthrough with all starters, especially because it looks far more intimidating than and doesn't have quite as busy a design as the Sinnoh fire/fighting starter. I'm glad Game Freak hasn't made any more of those, mind you, and I hope they'll continue that trend, but Emboar is here now and it's fine for what it is.

Rating: 4/5

#494: Victini

Victini about to blast off a Fusion Flare. This move
usually cannot be learned by Victini, as it's the
signature move of Reshiram, which is why Game
Freak made it an event-only move.

It feels strange ending the fourth generation on such a negative note, but even stranger is the fact that we're starting off Gen. V - my personal favorite generation in terms of Pokémon, gameplay features and storyline - with a mythical Pokémon instead of the usual grass-type starter. Like all so-called 'pixie' Pokémon, Victini is supposed to be cute and iconic, and I think Game Freak have done a fine job at that. The way Victini is implemented into the game comes across as quite odd, however. It could actually be obtained very early on in the main storyline through an event, by simply claiming the Liberty Pass that allows you to travel to Liberty Garden upon arriving in Castelia City and catch Victini hiding in the lighthouse standing smack-dab in middle of the island. It was at level 15, which should have been a couple of levels below the player's Pokémon and therefore it was perfectly viable to add to any in-game team. Of course, as Victini is a legendary it couldn't just incautiously be added among the peasant Unova Pokémon, which is why it got number 000 in the regional Pokédex and thus comes before Snivy, Servine and Serperior. It really doesn't make sense for Victini to come first in the Unova Pokédex, though; Pokémon Black and White saw the first time in which only the 150 normally available debuting Pokémon could be used throughout the main storyline, as Landorus and Kyurem weren't available until post-game and the other four - including Victini - are event Pokémon, and Victini could have easily been put somewhere at the end of the Dex. No biggie. But here I am, reviewing this Pokémon while I really wanted to be done with all these legendaries for a good while, especially after the disappointment that is Arceus.

A whole horde of Victini enjoying a full basket of macarons.
I don't know where the hell they got those from, but our local
supermarket here in the Netherlands asks €5,- for just ten or
twelve of these tiny motherfuckers. They're like the caviar of
confectionery, goddamn.

Unlike Arceus, though, Junichi Masuda's favorite Pokémon seems to be a bit more straightforward when it comes to its design and origins. Aesthetically, it seems to be based on usagi-ringo, a method of cutting apple slices to make them look similar to rabbits, while conceptually it might draw inspiration from the Greek winged goddess Nike and its Roman equivalent Victoria, both representing victory. I am not surprised Victini draws inspiration from these particular goddesses; it is a legendary, it is classified as the 'Victory Pokémon', it has a unique ability called Victory Star - which increases the accuracy of moves used by the user and its allies by 10% of their original accuracy - and it even possesses two wing-like tails that allow it to fly. Its pointed ears form the letter V, which might very well be a reference to the generation it was introduced in as well. Victini is usually a timid and caring Pokémon, although it will fight if its friends are in danger. Additionally, it is said to bring victory to Trainers that befriend it, producing an infinite amount of energy within itself and sharing this energy with others by touch. It can even become invisible, as demonstrated in Pokémon the Movie: White - Victini and Zekrom and Pokémon the Movie: Black - Victini and Reshiram. These two movies follow a similar plot with some major and minor changes, notably the Pokémon that appear and Resiram and Zekrom swapping roles as the main focus of the film.

Black and White promotional art for the Victini you
can catch in the lighthouse in Liberty Garden. 

When it comes to competitive play, Victini is one of the better mythical Pokémon to use on an offensive team. Like all other 'pixie' Pokémon it has base 100 stats across the board, which allows you to go several different ways with it, although it has to be said that an offensive approach is very much recommended. The reason I'm saying that is because Victini has a crazy powerful move in its arsenal: V-create. This event-exclusive fire-type move has a base power of 180, which makes it the third most powerful move in the game after Self-Destruct and Explosion. It does have the negative effect of lowering the user's defense, special defense and speed stats, but this could easily be solved by giving Victini a White Herb to hold or by simply switching it out for another Pokémon on your team. V-create is a must-have STAB move on a physical-based Victini, as is Zen Headbutt, and a Jolly or Adamant nature allows it to make great use of a Choice Band or Choice Scarf, respectively. Some neat physical coverage moves are Brick Break, Bolt Strike/Fusion Bolt (both are event-exclusive), Thunder Punch and U-Turn, but that's pretty much all Victini has to work with. Victini's special attack is as good as its attack, and its special movepool is honestly so much better, with STAB moves like Searing Shot, Fire Blast, Psychic, Psyshock and Blue Flare/Fusion Flare (again, both are event-only moves) and amazing coverage in Thunder, Thunderbolt, Energy Ball, Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Dazzling Gleam, Signal Beam and even Glaciate (also event-exclusive). Special sets would have been much more prevalent in competitive if it weren't for V-create, but they're not terrible by any means and work well with a Modest or Timid nature in combination with the Choice items I mentioned before. A Life Orb can be used as well, on either a physical- or special-based moveset, and is recommended over a Choice item should you go with a mixed Victini instead.

Lastly, Smogon mentions a Timid set with the move Celebrate. Normally, this move doesn't do anything in battle - deal damage, boost stats, hinder the opponent, etc. - but powered up with Normalium Z it boosts all of Victini's stats by one stage each. This allows Victini to use Stored Power afterwards, a 20-power move that increases by 20 for each positive stat change the user has in any stat, doing a considerable 120 power after a Z-Celebrate boost. It's a little gimmicky and requires impeccable timing during a match, but if you can make this set work... well, more power to you. I would advise you to just go with one of the sets I mentioned earlier, though.

TCG art of Victini.

I like Victini well enough, but I've honestly never used it during a playthrough, really. Even stupid 20-year-old me couldn't figure out how to connect to the Internet with my Nintendo DS Lite - luckily I could around the time X and Y came out - and so I wasn't able to obtain Victini in the first place. While I haven't been able to warm up to it by carrying it around in my team, I must say that factors like its design, cuteness, flavor and competitive utility still made me give it 4.5 stars.

Rating: 4.5/5

#485: Heatran

The next legendary on the list is actually a Pokémon you can catch post-game in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum. Upon beating Champion Cynthia and entering the Hall of Fame, the player character has a chance to board a ship to an island somewhere in the northeast area of Sinnoh, where a volcano called Stark Mountain is located. After traversing the volcano with a fella named Buck, the legendary Heatran can be found in a cavern in the back, ready for you to catch it.

TCG promotional art of Heatran.

Heatran is not one of those overly powerful box-art legendaries like Lugia, Kyogre and Dialga, but it's a steel type and it is very popular in competitive play as a result. It's a pity that there isn't much story to be told about Heatran in the games, because design-wise this Pokémon is nothing short of fascinating. Heatran looks like a combination between a tortoise and a warty toad, but it is a cave-dwelling creature that spits fire and has a body armor made of steel, its most prominent feature being the metal bangles locked around its legs. Some parts of its body do look like they're slightly out of shape, because the intense body heat coming from its boiling blood (like magma) made them melt. It is said that some melted bits of metal on its body are the remnants of what used to be its shell, enhancing the theory that Heatran is based on a tortoise. Additionally, the cross-shaped metal claws that allow it to dig deep into walls and the feet that allow it to stick to a surface - so it can hang from and climb walls and ceilings using all four of its feet - give it the characteristics of some larger variants of insects, particularly cockroaches. It also learns Bug Bite by Move Tutor, so go figure.

This art is... different, and I like it.

However, it's almost as if Game Freak intended for Heatran to be the embodiment of the Earth's core, and not only because it is found in the interior of a volcano. Its name is probably derived from 'transition metal', referring to the fact that iron - a transition metal - forms much of Earth's outer and inner core under immense pressure, along with nickel. It's exactly the reason why Heatran is a fire/steel type and the only Pokémon with that type combination to date. Even though this typing comes with a huge quadruple weakness to ground-type moves, Heatran also benefits from being resistant to nine types (and an immunity to poison), of which five are quadruple ones: bug, steel, grass, ice and - most importantly - fairy. Fairy is one of the most common types seen in the competitive metagame nowadays, and Heatran makes for the perfect fairy-type counter. Combined with its base stat total of 600, this makes Heatran a very commonly used Pokémon in competitive play, especially when you consider its base 130 special attack stat has the chance to leave huge dents in your team if you don't watch out. Then again, you can combine almost any other type with steel and you'll have at least a decent Pokémon to work with; the type is that good. As always, there are a few exceptions, but Heatran isn't such an exception by any means and I'd recommend using it if you're looking for an offensive fire type.

Heatran is completely in its element in a volcanic area.

Let's start with the basic things: Heatran should have a Timid nature and the Flash Fire ability. As its speed isn't anything to write home about, a Modest nature is an option as well, but I would definitely stick with Flash Fire over Flame Body. Yes, there is a chance Heatran burns the opposing Pokémon if the latter uses a direct move on it (most of the time this is a physical move), but if you suspect an incoming fire-type move you can just switch in to Heatran, nullify the opponent's attack and raise the power of Heatran's own fire-type moves by 50%. If you really want to burn an opponent, you can just teach Heatran the move Will-O-Wisp anyway. The biggest problem is Heatran's glaring weakness to ground, which is often solved by giving it an Air Balloon to hold, although the Choice Specs or a Choice Scarf might not be a bad idea to give to Heatran at all. Plus, ever since the introduction of Z-Crystals it has been very common to let Heatran hold a Firium-Z and obliterate certain threats by locking them into Magma Storm and upgrade said Magma Storm to an insanely powerful Inferno Overdrive. If you want to use more reliable move than Magma Storm, which has 100 base power but is only 75% accurate, I'd recommend a moveset consisting of Fire Blast/Flamethrower/Lava Plume/Heat Wave, Flash Cannon, Earth Power and Dark Pulse, accompanied by a Choice item or a Life Orb. It is possible to ditch Dark Pulse in order to run two fire-type moves, as Flamethrower and Lave Plume are more accurate and Fire Blast is significantly more powerful. As Heatran has excellent defensive stats as well, it is often used as a utility Pokémon with Taunt, Stealth Rock and either Toxic or Will-O-Wisp, which I honestly think is wasted potential. There are so many tanks with worse offensive stats than Heatran, so I don't know why you would use Heatran as a defensive support Pokémon like that.

Ugh, whatever.

Heatran as seen in a Pokémon Ranger anime special. The yellow spots on its body
make it look as if it's sick and contagious (or warty, for that matter) rather than hot.
This depiction of Heatran is not flattering it at all. 

In any case, Heatran is no doubt an interesting Pokémon, design-wise as well as battle-wise. It's probably because Heatran is yet another steel type, but I never realized how much I love this thing until now. I wish there was a little bit more lore to it, but for a one-off legendary that isn't an event Pokémon and doesn't tie in with the rest of the Diamond and Pearl storyline, I'm surprised Heatran enjoys such a huge amount of popularity, albeit only for its immense competitive utility.

Well, it's better than not being popular at all, right?

Rating: 5/5

#479: Rotom

No, you didn't miss anything; between Abomasnow and Rotom there's a large batch of Gen. IV evolutions of Pokémon introduced in previous generations, and I've already reviewed them accordingly. All the better, because the huge gap in the National Pokédex makes me feel I have made some progress at least, ha ha ha.

Regular Rotom surrounded by its five alternate forms. Clockwise
starting from the top left: Frost Rotom, Fan Rotom, Wash Rotom,
Mow Rotom and Heat Rotom.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, today's Pokémon is a curious little critter called Rotom. It is unique in the fact that it is the only electric/ghost dual-type Pokémon and the only Pokémon to have its type changed into a type that wasn't newly introduced. Introduced in Diamond and Pearl as a Pokémon with the ability of possessing several household appliances, Rotom can change its appearance in order to correspond with the design of the appliance it possesses from Platinum onwards, and for in-game purposes this means it has no fewer than six different forms. The default form is its regular electric/ghost-type form that resembles a lightning rod; the others are a microwave oven, a washing machine, a lawnmower, a refrigerator and an electric fan. These alternate forms didn't have a different type than regular Rotom when they were first introduced to us in Platinum, but this all changed in Gen. V: Heat Rotom became electric/fire, Wash Rotom electric/water, Mow Rotom electric/grass, Frost Rotom electric/ice (even though it's a refrigerator and not a freezer, it must have a built-in freezer unit), and Fan Rotom electric/flying. This opened the path for brand new competitive strategies, as a few of these type combinations are extraordinarily useful in the competitive metagame, especially when you consider all forms come with the ability Levitate and thus aren't weak to ground-type moves due to their being part electric - although this ability is quite redundant on Fan Rotom due to its flying type making it immune to ground in the first place. But I'll talk some more about Rotom's competitive utility later on in this review.

An amazing drawing of all Rotom forms gathered together. Even
the electrical auras of the different forms look different; Wash
Rotom's looks like a clothespin, Heat Rotom's is reminiscent of
oven mitts, Mow Rotom's resembles splintered wood, Frost
Rotom's bears resemblances to lightning bolts, and Fan Rotom's
look like wind currents. 

First off, how is Rotom able to enter and control these electronic devices in the first place? Well, it has a body of plasma with a whitish aura of electricity around it that forms lightning bolt-shaped appendages, and it appears to be based on uproarious and disrupting ghoul-like creatures called poltergeists. While poltergeists are generally believed to be responsible for physical disturbances such making loud noises, moving objects around (by levitation, if necessary) and sometimes even possessing certain objects, folkloric creatures called gremlins are more notorious for causing malfunctions in aircraft and other machinery. I want to believe poltergeists are the actual inspiration for Rotom here, as indicated by its specific ability to possess home appliances and the fact that ball lightning, an unexplained atmospheric electrical phenomenon involving luminous spherical objects bouncing about, might often cause the spooky movement of objects blamed on poltergeists. Also, poltergeists tend to wander about in urban/suburban areas and cause disturbances in the homes of middle-class families when depicted in popular media - or maybe I have that idea because I watched the 1982 supernatural horror film Poltergeist a couple of times, although the same could be said about the 1984 movie Gremlins. In any case, you first encounter Rotom in a creepy old mansion called the Old Chateau, inside of a defective TV, of all things. Go figure.

Official artwork of the Rotom Pokédex. The right image demonstrates how the
device actually works.

However, while Rotom is a mischievous creature and takes over electronic devices in order to play practical jokes on people, causing all sorts of problems, scientists continue to conduct research on this Pokémon because they think it could be the power source of a unique motor (Rotom is 'motor' spelled backwards, probably a reference to the fact that motors make many appliances function while Rotom makes them fail). While this specific Pokédex entry appeared in HeartGold and SoulSilver first, Game Freak surprised us three generations later by introducing the first ever Pokédex inhabited by a Pokémon: Rotom! Positioned on the lower screen of your 3DS, the Rotom Pokédex gives you unwanted advice, asks you stupid questions, rambles on about nothing in particular and sometimes makes lame-ass jokes, but also helps you out in sticky situations by granting you another chance to perform a Z-Move, gathers and stores data of all Pokémon found in Alola and shows you the way by almost continuously displaying a map of the region on its screen. It is kind of a double-edged sword, as the Rotom Pokédex can get pretty annoying at times, but I like its cheeky personality and the features it provides.

Holy shit, think about it: your Pokédex is a living, sentient being that talks to you and helps you out on your journey to becoming a Pokémon Master. Pokémon is getting more awesome every day, I swear.

Rotom having fun with a microwave oven. 

We now know what Rotom is based on and what this Pokémon encompasses, but I said I would talk about its competitive prowess; and to tell you the truth, its regular form isn't anything worth mentioning. Although the encounter music that is played when encountering Rotom in Gen. IV is the same music used with legendary encounters, its stats are all but legendary. I urge you to find the place wher you can change Rotom into one of its other five forms and do just that, because its 'measly' 440 base stat total will rise notably, exchanging a little bit of speed for significantly more bulk and slightly more offensive presence. Heat and Wash Rotom are the most popular forms to use in the competitive metagame, which isn't surprising, as fire is one of the best offensive types in the game and Heat Rotom's otherwise terrible quadruple weakness is nullified by Levitate, while Wash Rotom has literally only one weakness (also due to Levitate) and is therefore a great defensive asset to any team. Frost and Mow Rotom don't really have that defensive presence, and Fan Rotom doesn't have a STAB move that is strong enough - Heat, Wash, Mow and Frost Rotom get Overheat, Hydro Pump, Leaf Storm and Blizzard, respectively, while Fan Rotom will have to do with the much weaker Air Slash.

Looks like Rotom is having some fun in what looks like a
control room.

As for complete sets for some of these Rotom forms, I am not going into detail for all of them, especially not Fan Rotom. For Wash Rotom, however, I would definitely recommend a defensive set consisting of Hydro Pump, Volt Switch, Will-O-Wisp and Defog, to cripple physical threats and remove entry hazards. Pain Split is often used for some recovery, although it is not always a very reliable way to restore HP; an Iapapa Berry or Sitrus Berry will do the trick more effectively. More options are Substitute, Rest and Sleep Talk, as well as the Letovers as a very solid hold item and a Bold or Calm nature to boost one of its defenses. It's your call whether you want to make it physically or specially bulky. You could actually go the same way with Heat Rotom and be just fine, although an offensive moveset might do more in this case because of Heat Rotom's amazing offensive typing: a Timid or Modest nature lets it be slightly faster or specially offensive, respectively, while a Firium Z (the fire-type Z-Crystal) can change its Overheat attack to an insanely strong Inferno Overdrive. Choice Specs aren't bad either, and might even be more reliable in the long run, as a moveset consisting of Overheat, Volt Switch, Thunderbolt and either Shadow Ball or some type of Hidden Power doesn't seem all that strong in the first place and a Choice Specs might just be the item Heat Rotom needs to give its moves a little bit more oomph.

Frost and Mow Rotom aren't used as frequently as Heat and Wash Rotom, but ice and grass are pretty good offensive types, which mean you could slap the Choice Specs or an Icium Z on it (Grassium Z in Mow Rotom's case), but I reckon you should just use the Rotom of your preference. I mean, my favorite form is Mow Rotom and that's not a popular one at all - I even think it's the second least favorite form behind Fan Rotom among Pokémon fans. I don't know if it's its typing or its maniacal grin that is putting people off, but that's exactly what I like about it in the first place.

All of the Rotom forms doing what they can do best.

One more curious thing about Rotom's origins is that Bulbapedia suggests that this Pokémon is based on the main character from the 1994 Sega game Pulseman, on which Ken Sugimori (responsible for all of the Pokémon's official artwork), Satoshi Tajiri (the creator of Pokémon) and Junichi Masuda (director, producer and composer for many Pokémon games) all worked on. Aside from the spike on Pulseman's head and the fact that it was designed by Ken Sugimori, I really don't see the resemblance with Rotom. However, Pulseman is half human, half AI and I guess his subsequent power to channel electricity through his body and use it as both a weapon and a means of quick transport might be reminiscent of Rotom's ability to permeate household appliances as well as it being made up of plasma and electricity. There's a whole list of references to Pulseman in the Pokémon games, but I personally think it's a little bit of a stretch to compare the two franchises, even though the same people worked on both of them (honestly, Pulseman isn't even a franchise, just a stand-alone game).

Rotom is without a doubt one of the most unique, creative and popular Pokémon Game Freak have ever created. It's a fan favorite for a reason: there are a lot of Pokémon that are based on contemporary animals, extinct creatures, mythical entities and/or inanimate objects, but a poltergeist able to take control of electronic devices must be one Game Freak's most genius inventions. Aside from that, Rotom is pretty viable in the competitive scene, so I'm sure that contributes to its popularity as well. I have to say that Rotom is not one of my personal top favorites, but I still think it's damn worthy of a 5-star rating from me!

Rating: 5/5

#390 - #392: Chimchar, Monferno & Infernape

TCG art of Chimchar.

Let me confess here: I have never even used Chimchar in a playthrough before in my life and I definitely don't intend to do so. It's not that I hate it or anything, because I don't, but the fire/fighting starter hype was already wearing off at the time Diamond and Pearl came out and we were ready to face some brand new starter type combinations. In that regard, Torterra and Empoleon didn't disappoint. So what is it about Chimchar that makes me go "meh"? Why, first and foremost it's based on a monkey, which is something that has been done before in a much more original or humorous manner. Granted, Ambipom was introduced in the same generation as Chimchar and its evolutions, but its design elaborated on its Gen. II pre-evolution Aipom's design, so let's not nitpick about that. Second, we would be really tired of fire/fighting starters by the time Black and White came around, and the fact that Emboar was exactly that probably didn't work in its predecessor's favor, either. And last but not least, I really do love the other two Sinnoh starters to death. They have such creative and original designs, and Infernape just... doesn't.

Monferno... digging a hole, I guess? It's probably using Dig or
something. 

Now, Chimchar is pretty cute in its own right and doesn't deserve hate whatsoever, but the red patch on its rear - a baboon trait, although Chimchar is known as the 'Chimp Pokémon' and is therefore more likely to have been inspired by chimpanzees - is usually obscured by flames produced by burning gas in its stomach, which basically means that its flaming tail is a constant fart that only weakens when it becomes ill or go out when it's asleep. That's disgusting, Game Freak. Other than that, Chimchar doesn't have much going for it; it is good at climbing rocky mountain ledges, which is pretty much a cop-out because almost all real-life monkeys are good at climbing, but aside from that there's literally nothing left to mention about it. Of course, there's Ash's Chimchar from the anime, but that's basically a retelling of Charmander's story: it gets abandoned by its previous Trainer and Ash decides to be a Good Samaritan and adopt the Chimchar in the following episode. Monferno isn't that much better, with much of its flavor revolving around its goddamn tail, of all things. It skillfully controls the intensity of the flame on its tail to keep opponents at an ideal distance, its tail can be stretched in order to make Monferno appear larger, or it tries to impress the others in the pack by relying on the size of its tail flame and the brightness of its facial marking. The bigger the flame and the brighter its marking, the higher Monferno's position in the pack.

Monferno giving Chimchar a... love letter?

Some of Monferno's traits confuse me a little, among which its classification as the 'Playful Pokémon'. Nothing in its flavor indicates it's playful and it sure doesn't look that way, either. I also don't get why its French name Chimpenfeu has a reference to chimpanzees in it and Chimchar's French name Ouisticram doesn't. I get that ouistiti is French for 'marmoset' - an umbrella term for 22 extraordinarily fluffy monkey species, most of which don't get any taller than roughly 8 inches tall - but even though Chimchar is the child stage of this evolutionary line, it isn't actually that small and it doesn't share any traits with any of these species, either. Bulbapedia says Monferno seems to be a direct impression of monkey kung fu, a Chinese martial art that utilizes ape- or monkey-like movements as part of its technique and may explain Monferno's fighting type, but as far as I know there's nothing in Monferno's stance or movements that indicates it is based on monkey kung fu, especially not when it comes to launching aerial attacks from walls and ceilings. That's just plain monkey business, if you ask me; if anything, Mankey's stance is more 'kung fu' than Monferno's. Lastly, Monferno's Bulbapedia page doesn't mention chimpanzees in its 'Origin' paragraph anymore, as opposed to Chimchar's, even though some of its foreign names clearly contain some kind of reference to this species. But that's probably none of my business, right?

Okay, then. Maybe I am just being too finicky about a goddamn middle-stage evolution, but there are too many things that seem to make sense but really don't quite fit in my opinion. Anyway, let's move on to Infernape, because there are quite a few things to say about it.

Infernape fist-bumping a Pansear. Somehow Chimchar and
Monferno seem to be threatened by it, or at least a bit jealous.

The first thing I notice is that this evolutionary line's French names seem to be all over the place; while Ouisticram and Chimpenfeu contain references to marmosets and chimpanzees, respectively, Simiabraz seems to take a more vague direction with 'simian', an adjective used to describe something relating to or resembling monkeys or apes. At least they don't go into detail which monkey they're referring to this time. What's more important, though, is its Japanese name Goukazaru (ゴウカザル), which is most likely linked to the Dragonball Z character of Son Goku - or Goku for short. It is the Japanese interpretation of Sun Wukong, one of the main characters in the Chinese 16th-century epic Journey to the West. This classical novel, one of the four to be considered the greatest in Chinese literature, is an extended account of the legendary pilgrimage of a Tang-dynasty Buddhist monk who traveled to Central Asia and India to obtain Buddhist sacred texts and returned after many trials and much suffering. I'm not going into too much detail about the contents of te whole story; all you need to know is that Sun Wukong is a monkey with powerful abilities (often fire-related) who was sent with the Buddhist monk to serve as his protector as an atonement for its own sins, together with three others. The gold markings on Infernape's body seem to be a direct reference to this Monkey King persona as well, as they resemble some of the markings on the Monkey King's attire in some depictions of it.

Infernape creating a ring of fire with its 

Infernape seems to be using a special kind of martial art involving all of its limbs, and you can be sure that ain't a lie: it has access to various punching and kicking moves, perhaps more than other Pokémon at the same time, and it learns Close Combat by level-up. The latter isn't necessarily exclusive to Infernape, but it fits its flavor quite well. It is also often a staple move in its various competitive movesets, along with other strong moves that provide it either STAB or neat type coverage: Fire Blast, Flare Blitz, Mach Punch, Earthquake, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Gunk Shot, Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Iron Tail, Grass Knot, Poison Jab, U-Turn, Shadow Claw, Focus Blast, Overheat, Acrobatics, Flamethrower, Vacuum Wave, Brick Break and even Hidden Power if you're really short on options for a specific type. You may have noticed these moves are both physical- and special-based, and the reason for that is because Infernape is often used as a mixed attacker due to its equal 104 base offensive stats. That's why most Infernape have a Hasty or Naive nature, which both boost its speed but lower one of its defenses depending on which one you have. At a base 108 speed it is indeed quite quick, but its Pokédex entry in Pearl that states that "it is beaten by none in terms of quickness" is actually false; it is outsped by quite a lot of other Pokémon. That's fine as long as it has a speed-boosting nature and its offensive stats aren't negatively affected. Although... it has to be said that a Jolly nature fits well on a Swords Dance set and a Timid nature on a Nasty Plot set, the latter move only being available to it through Chimchar. What remain are the item Infernape should hold (which is mostly a Life Orb or Choice Scarf, or maybe a Choice Band) and the ability you should breed on it (Iron Fist if you taught it punching moves such as Mach Punch or Thunder Punch, and Blaze if you don't).

Smogon also mentions a physically defensive set for Infernape, which sounds more like one of these dumb movesets recommended by a certain PokéTuber who goes by the name of Verlisify. Don't ever use Infernape as a defensive support Pokémon, because it wasn't made for that purpose in the first place and there are many, many other Pokémon that can pull it off much, much better. It may suffer from four-moveslot syndrome, but that doesn't include support moves. No sir, not in the slightest.

I may not think Infernape is the greatest Pokémon of all, but this fan art is definitely
very nice. 

Infernape is more of a hit-and-run Pokémon in the competitive metagame, but it's a very powerful one at that. Unfortunately, that doesn't particularly make me like it. I can't help but feel it is a little bit too overdesigned: the red crest above its eyes should have the same primary orange color and there are a couple of gold markings too many. I don't know whether it's the pads on its knees, wrists or shoulders or the marking around its waist, but something feels out of place and makes the design a little bit too messy altogether. I understand what Game Freak were aiming at when designing this Pokémon, but I haven't quite... warmed up to it yet. Not as much as to Torterra and Empoleon, by any means.

Rating: 3.5/5

#383: Groudon

Oh yeah, Groudon looks scary, alright. And all they had to do
 here was copy and paste Groudon's segmented red plates on a
picture of a tyrannosaurus rex from Jurassic Park. Genius.

Let's cut to the chase here: Groudon isn't as interesting as Kyogre by a long shot. It looks like it is barely able to move, but its apparent stiffness isn't accompanied by Kyogre's beauty and grace. This former gold-medal heavyweight (unfortunately for Groudon, Gen. VII Pokémon Celesteela and - of all things - Cosmoem are now the heaviest Pokémon in existence) is just a giant dinosaur monster controlling the land and the sun, which is exactly why it is sought after by Team Magma. Their leader Maxie's objective in Ruby is to expand the landmass in the world to create an ideal living place for both Pokémon and humans alike, although this was slightly altered in Omega Ruby, in which Team Magma wishes to put an end to the misguided ideal of coexistence and expand the land to give humanity more space on which to build and develop civilization. This puts them in direct opposition to Team Aqua, whose leader Archie wants to awaken Kyogre to increase the amount of water in the world to create a situation in which human beings and Pokémon live in perfect harmony with each other. Of course, Archie's ideals in Sapphire are largely the same as Maxie's in Ruby; the only thing that differs is their means of execution. In Alpha Sapphire Team Aqua's motivations have been significantly altered, with Archie now wanting to erase human civilization from the planet by expanding the oceans, so that Pokémon can live untainted by humanity's progress. In both occasions, the player character is there to save the day, so the NPCs in the Pokémon world really have absolutely nothing to worry about, ever.

I honestly intended to include this part in Kyogre's entry, but I wanted something to talk about in Groudon's as well, so here you go.

Primal Groudon is coming to get you.

Whereas Kyogre is based on the Hebrew legend of Leviathan, Groudon is based on its counterpart Behemoth. It is said that at the end of times the sea deity Leviathan and the land deity Behemoth would engage in a titanic battle that would kill them both. While Behemoth is often depicted as some kind of warthog- or hippopotamus-like creature, which - and let's be honest here - doesn't sound nearly as intimidating as a giant sea serpent, it is considered the unconquerable primal master of the land. This also manifests itself in-game in Groudon's former signature ability Drought and its Primal form's ability Desolate Land: Groudon has the power to scatter rain clouds and make water evaporate with light and heat, which is why it brought down droughts in ancient times in order to save people who had been suffering from terrible floods. It is said to have created the continents by causing volcanic eruptions, and much like Kyogre resting in a deep oceanic trench, Groudon slumbers in magma in the profound depths of the Earth, even though this seems strange because regular Groudon doesn't have the fire type at first. Additionally, fire-type moves deal normal damage to Groudon in-game, which contradicts everything it stands for.

Groudon as seen in Pokémon the Movie: Hoopa and the Clash of Ages, emerging
from glowing magma. 

Groudon does get the fire typing on top of its primary ground typing upon Primal Reversion. Usually, this type combination would make Primal Groudon four times weak to water, but its ability Desolate Land summons a sun so scorching hot that all water-type moves evaporate before they have a chance to get into contact with it. Reversely, Primal Kyogre's ability Primordial Sea douses any fire-type moves before they'll be able to as much as touch it, which... isn't actually all that helpful, because Primal Kyogre is a pure water type and resists fire in the first place. Way to go, Game Freak. At least the effects of these abilities last for as long as Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre are on the battlefield. Frankly, Primal Groudon looks like it's much more true to its original purpose than Primal Kyogre is, with the magma flowing through its entire body and all. This magma burns with such an extreme temperature that its body is always shimmering with the haze of its heat, which is to be expected from a creature slumbering so close to the Earth's core, which is proved to be the hottest fucking place on Earth. Now, that's more like it, Game Freak.

A robotic Groudon built by a maniac in Pokémon - Jirachi: Wish Maker.

Like I did in Kyogre's entry, I won't delve into Groudon's competitive utility too much; it is in Smogon's Uber tier for a reason, and with Swords Dance and a couple of strong offensive moves it can absolutely fucking destroy anything in its path. Even Primal Kyogre doesn't stand much of a chance, unless it is switched in at a later point of the match than Primal Groudon, in which case its Primordial Sea ability activates and the effects of Desolate Land fade away, although the exact oppositie happens when Primal Groudon is switched in last.

(Disclaimer: I meant to say that the effects of Desolate Land overturn the effects of Primordial Sea when Primal Groudon is switched in later than Primal Kyogre, not that absolutely nothing would happen when it enters the battlefield.)

While regular Groudon doesn't pique my interest all that much, its Primal form is a lot more fascinating. Not only does it differ much more than its regular form than Primal Kyogre does, it actually gains something of an advantage over its counterpart as well, something that wasn't the case for at least twelve years. Kyogre is still my favorite Hoenn legendary alongside Rayquaza, so it's useless to say that I'm not entirely happy with that. Still, I think Groudon is worthy of being granted a 4.5-star rating nowadays, something I wouldn't have done a couple of years ago.

Rating: 4.5/5