#443 - #445: Gible, Gabite & Garchomp

Let's put out a few reviews before Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon drop, shall we?

Stubby little Gible in TCG.

For the basic form of a pseudo-legendary Pokémon, Gible is available fairly early on in Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, found in the secret section of Wayward Cave after obtaining Strength as well as the Mine Badge. In comparison, Dratini was hard to obtain because it is found in the fucking Safari Zone or in the Rocket Game Corner for a shitload of coins, Larvitar couldn't be encountered until after you had finished the entire Kanto post-game in Gold and Silver, Bagon couldn't be caught in Meteor Falls until after you had gotten Waterfall and the Rain Badge from the eighth and last Gym Leader, and Steven left a Poké Ball with a Beldum for you to snatch at his house only after beating him in the Pokémon League. In addition, Deino (Black and White) and Jangmo-o (Sun and Moon) are found in Victory Road and Vast Poni Canyon, respectively, which is nearly at the end of the main story. Only Goomy is found before the sixth Gym in Pokémon X and Y, but Goodra might well be my least favorite pseudo-legend in existence, so I'm not overly excited about that fact. It's a good Pokémon, but still...

Regular Gabite (left) with its shiny form (right).

Gible is a little shark-like dragon-type Pokémon, with the secondary ground typing and a pair of horns comparable to jet engines to boot. Basically it's just a shark - more specifically a hammerhead shark - adapted to deserts, which is... well, we've seen weirder things from Game Freak, so I'll buy it. Moreover, its design kind of makes sense, as Gible and its evolutions may be a reference to the book After Man: A Zoology of the Future, the first of Dougal Dixon's speculative evolution series, in which one species is mentioned as a type of land shark that lives in desert regions. Additionally, there's also a land shark creature called a bulette (pronounced 'byoo-lay') to be found in the tabletop RPG Dungeons & Dragons. Desert sharks, huh? Pretty clever, to incorporate this idea into the Pokémon franchise. However, when it comes to its flavor text, Gible is nothing special: it likes to dig holes for homes in caverns, play-fight with others of its species, huddle close with others of its species if it gets too cold, bite enemies with its strong jaws or pounce on them forcefully while hurting itself because of its clumsiness, etc. The only interesting thing to say about Gible is that it once lived in the tropics and now lives in caves warmed by geothermal heat to avoid the cold. I really can't see Gible and its evolutions surviving in the tropics, because I imagine the humid environment would have made them very uncomfortable due to their ground typing. Or maybe they were once aquatic sharks - not 'land sharks', as the Pokédex insists - and had to adapt because they were forced to find another habitat? That makes more sense; I guess they're the original Alola Formes, ha ha ha.

I'll let myself out in a minute.

Awesome realistic fan art of Garchomp! When it folds up its body and extends its
fins/wings, it looks exactly like a jet plane and is able to fly at the speed of sound,
creating blades of wings that can fell trees and swallowing whole flocks of birds
while it's at it. In my opinion, the artist perfectly put the emphasis on this aspect of
Garchomp!

For now, allow me to continue and let me move on to Gible's evolution Gabite, whose scales apparently have medicinal properties and can heal most illnesses. What's more, the Gabite Scale is an actual item in the Gen. IV Mystery Dungeon games Explorers of Time, Explorers of Darkness and Explorers of Sky and these scales are stated to be a cure-all for all afflictions in a Mystery Dungeon anime special, however incurable these ilnesses may seem. Also, Gabite loves sparkly things and habitually digs up and hoards gems, resulting in its nest constantly being targeted by thieves. Gabite is so obsessed with its loot, in fact, that it can have its gaze fixed on the jewels it has amassed - or Carbink it has caught - for hours on end. It's an unhealthy obsession and I think Gabite should see a Pokémon psychiatrist. Just sayin'.

Also, want more proof that Gible, Gabite and Garchomp are based on sharks? Gabite's French name Carmache is derived from two possible shark genera, namely carcharias and carcharodon.

Garchomp in the Pokémon Adventures manga series (left) and Pokkén Tournament (right). 

However, Gible and Gabite are nothing compared to the almighty Garchomp. Seriously, anyone who has ever faced Cynthia's Garchomp must have lost at least one team member to it. The first time I played Pokémon Diamond I let my Empoleon stay in, thinking it could either outspeed or live any attack from Garchomp and strike back with an Ice Beam. I have never been more wrong in my life. That Garchomp is one of the reasons why Cynthia is considered one of the hardest Champions to take down, along with the fact that her team is just crazy diverse - in her Pokémon's typings as well as their movesets.

Mega Garchomp whipping up a sandstorm. In its Mega form,
Garchomp is known to become mad with rage, and in its anger
it slices the ground to pieces with its scythe-like blades, created
by the claws and fins melting and morphing together due to the
excessive energy released when it Mega-evolves. 

However, Garchomp isn't just the cherry on top; it's the entire fucking cake. Being a pseudo-legendary, it has good base values in all of its stats, most notably its attack and speed. That's why a Swords Dance set (for some reason, Game Freak did not give it access to Dragon Dance; I guess they were scared that would be too broken) supported by a Jolly nature is the most common set run on Garchomp: raise its attack by two stages and fire away with Dragon Claw, Earthquake and Fire Fang. While Dragon Claw is more accessible than Outrage, you could still go all out with the latter and switch out Garchomp once it gets confused. Also, Fire Fang isn't mandatory, as it also has access to some neat coverage moves such as Iron Head, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Poison Jab, Brick Break and Aqua Tail. And while Garchomp's special attack is still only 80, Fire Blast is often used instead of Fire Fang because it is more effective against physical walls like Skarmory or Pokémon that like to rely on chip damage such as Ferrothorn, just to name a few - although it has to be said that Garchomp also likes to rely on chip damage with its ability Rough Skin. To finish the set, there is a plethora of items you could give Garchomp: Life Orb gives some extra oomph to its attacking moves, Dragonium Z or Groundium Z let it perform a powerful Z-Move that will probably blow the opposing Pokémon out of the water, the Garchompite lets it Mega-evolve, and the Choice Band and Choice Scarf are excellent items that work well on movesets that only consist of attacking moves. Leftovers is an option, but only if you have a slightly defensive Garchomp rocking Stealth Rock - which, by the way, is not an uncommon option, either.

Gible trying to... eat my precious little Shuckle? GIBLE, SHAME ON YOU!!!
Fortunately, Shuckle is showing the crowd (and Gible) who's da shit.

Garchomp is terrifying and I wouldn't like to meet it in real life. It's a cool Pokémon and aside from the weird-looking square jaw on Mega Garchomp I won't criticize it; it's just not one of my favorite Pokémon. And there are still a lot of 5-star ratings coming up in the next couple of years. I'm not a fan of pseudo-legends in the first place - especially not Dragonite when compared to its pre-evolution Dragonair - and Garchomp is not an exception. However, the only thing that really bugs me about it is its flavor text: Garchomp's Pokédex entries mention that Garchomp can fly at Mach speed (hence its classification as the 'Mach Pokémon'), yet it cannot learn Fly. Great consistency there, Game Freak. Sublime.

Rating: 4.5/5

#374 - #376: Beldum, Metang & Metagross

Beldum emerging from its Heavy Ball, a ball used
for catching heavier Pokémon.

Okay, now we're talking pseudo-legendaries. Metagross is actually one of only two I absolutely adore (the other one being Hydreigon), which should not be surprising to you in the least, because Metagross is a badass-looking steel-type Pokémon and y'all probably know by now that steel is my favorite of all 18 types.

Like all other pseudos, however, Matagross has to go through its infant stage, and that's exactly the right way to describe Beldum. You'll have to baby it in order for it to evolve, because literally the only move it learns by level-up is Take Down, which isn't even a STAB move and does recoil damage in return. That's not to say there isn't anything noteworthy to say about Beldum; on the contrary, really, bacause its flavor is far more interesting than its generational pseudo-legendary counterpart Bagon. Despite being a mechanical creature, this little dumbbell Pokémon - although its appearance is more reminiscent of some kind of surveillance camera, which is only strengthened by its trait of using the claws on its rear end to anchor itself to walls or ceilings in order to get some rest - still has emotions, the need to eat and sleep, and a way of reproducing. Its body lacks blood, however, and it is instead powered by magnetism: by emitting magnetic waves to repel the Earth's magnetic field, it is able to levitate (it doesn't have access to the ability with the same name, though), and it uses magnetism to move, communicate, hunt and control its attacks. Well, the only attack that it has, that is, unless you have an event shiny Beldum with moves like Iron Head and Zen Headbutt.

Metang's arms are rotated backwards when traveling, so that it
can reach speeds of over 60 miles per hour. 

Fortunately, you won't have to put up with Beldum for too long, as it evolves into Metang at level 20, the earliest of any pseudo-legendary basic stage. Metang is said to form when two Beldum merge, but there is no visible evidence of that - much like with Magneton. In any case, the brains of the fused Beldum are joined by a magnetic nervous system, allowing Metang to generate strong psychokinetic power and enhance its intelligence. Furthermore, its steel body is so strong that even a collision with a jet - as it's still able to hover in mid-air using magnetism - won't leave a scratch on it. But however clever Metang may be, this thing ain't got nothing on its evolution Metagross: whereas Metang is the result of two Beldum fusing together, Metagross is the result of two Metang fusing together, leaving Metagross with a total of four brains. These brains are all connected by a complex network of neurons, which makes Metagross capable of breezing through difficult calculations that it uses to analyze its opponents during battles. In short, Metagross is more intelligent than a supercomputer. How awesome is that?

Steven Stone is a collector of rare minerals and gemstones, so I
like the more 'natural' approach of Metagross here. 

Why, 12-year-old me definitely didn't think much of it. In fact, for the longest time I thought most of the Hoenn Pokémon were the worst, just because the creators had deviated from the 'basic' designs we'd come to know and love so much - at least in my opinion. Game Freak went way overboard with the designs for the Hoenn Pokémon, partly due to Gen. III being the first generation in which everybody at the company was able to submit their own ideas for new Pokémon, if I remember correctly. A lot of players took a dislike to these outlandish new Pokémon designs, and I wasn't an exception. I just dashed through the game with my starter and Kyogre, and that was it. That's what I did when starting a new adventure, anyway; it wasn't until Diamond and Pearl that I started creating balanced teams of six Pokémon. Hence, I never paid much attention to Metagross and its pre-evolutions. They looked too robotic and inorganic to my taste, so Metagross actually only came to my attention when I caught a Metang in my Black 2 playthrough. I evolved it, of course, and it literally fucked people up. Since then, I have come to appreciate Metagross a whole lot more, battle-wise as well as design-wise, and now it is actually very high up on my list of favorite Pokémon. And rightfully so, because who wouldn't want a hyperintelligent mechanical arachnid to command around, right? It's better to get this thing on your side in the first place, because you wouldn't want to be hunted down by this thing: it uses its extremely heavy body (at 1,212 pounds, Metagross is heavier than your average Snorlax, yo) to pin down its prey and then eats the helpless victim using the large mouth on its stomach. Being eaten alive by a supercomputer... that's one of the most inglorious ways to go down, if you ask me.

Badass Metagross is badass.

Guess who my favorite Pokémon League
character is?

The best thing about it is that this thing has a Mega evolution, despite its bullshit Pokédex entry from Sun stating that this Mega form 'results from one Metagross, one Metang and two Beldum linking up'. Yeah, right. At least Metagross gets even more badass by tucking away its legs to the back and creating a set of four giant arms with which it can fuck opponents up, so that's a plus. And with an attack stat of 145, the Tough Claws ability, a great psysical movepool, great defenses and a great defensive typing, Mega Metagross is indeed hard to take down. And because you won't retain the speed stat of the regular form in the turn you Mega-evolve your Pokémon anymore, like in Gen. VI, Mega Metagross has become dangerous to such an extent that it was immediately banned to Smogon's Uber tier. With no quadruple weaknesses and only its base 80 HP not exceeding 100 base points (it has base 145 attack, 150 defense, 105 special attack, 110 special defense and 110 speed), Mega Metagross matches a lot of legendary Pokémon in bulk and power. It suffers from the notorious four-moveslot syndrome, which means you won't be able to choose only four moves it can carry; its movepool is just that good. Meteor Mash and Zen Headbutt are excellent STAB moves, while Earthquake, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Hammer Arm, Rock Slide, Bullet Punch and Pursuit are all great options to consider filling the final two slots with. The only downside is that Metagross, and by extension Mega Metagross, doesn't have access to any good stat-boosting moves like Swords Dance or Dragon Dance or something (they're just examples), aside from maybe Power-Up Punch, which is a relatively weak non-STAB move and only boosts its attack by one stage each time it's used. Not worth it. You'll have to rely on Meteor Mash and pray the 20% chance of getting an attack boost comes through. And although its base 145 attack stat assures heavy damage output, it doesn't really help you'll need a Jolly nature in order to maximize Mega Metagross's speed stat and outspeed some of the legendary Pokémon in the tier.

Awesome Metagross is awesome.

In that regard, regular Metagross is better. Sure, its base 70 speed doesn't make it a fast Pokémon, but you can set up with Agility to make up for that if need be. And because it isn't very speedy in the first place, you can breed an Adamant nature onto it and let it hold a Life Orb or Choice Band, maximizing the damage output. You'll absolutely wreck house. And to hell with Intimidate users, because Clear Body prevents any stat reductions completely.

Like I said earlier, I absolutely adore this brutal-looking monstrosity now and I am so glad Game Freak decided to give it a Mega form, however overpowered it may be. I can't believe I didn't realize how badass Metagross actually is when I was just in my early teens, but I guess we've all come to get used to more extravagant and alien designs and have even started to really appreciate some of them. Let's face it, how fucking awesome does 'robot spider' sound?

Rating: 5/5

#371 - #373: Bagon, Shelgon & Salamence

While Game Freak really had a thing for medieval bowl cuts during the Johto era, they took a huge leap forward in time and reinvented the mullet when creating their Hoenn Pokémon. Shiftry was one of the two unfortunate souls to have gotten this terrible '80s haircut, but the first Pokémon I'm going to discuss today is so fortunate not to be obliged to stay this way, unlike Shiftry.

Bagon jumping off a goddamn cliff because it wants to fly.
Yeah, it is that boneheaded - quite literally, too. 

Bagon looks like a feisty little baby dragon living in rugged terrains, and in Hoenn it is indeed found in the deepest cave of Meteor Falls. It harbors a never-ending dream of one day soaring high in the skies and hurls itself off of cliffs every day in doomed efforts to fly. When it is frustrated at its inability to fly, however, it smashes its head against huge rocks and shatters them into pebbles or powder. This activity of continually bashing its head results in it becoming as hard as tempered steel, which implies that it shares some traits with the pachycephalosaurus - thick-skulled dinosaurs known for their extravagant skull roofs - even though we would get a full-fledged pachycephalosauridae family with Cranidos and Rampardos one generation later. Bagon's Sun entry even takes Game Freak's dumbness to the next level by stating that its desire to fly is assumed to be the influence of information carried in its genes. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Bagon's final stage is Salamence, which is a dragon/flying type and actually is able to fly and - here it comes! - produce other fucking Bagon. Surely baby Bagon are taught by their Mommies and/or Daddies that they will fly one day if only they would have a little bit of PATIENCE, right? Surely.

Oh Game Freak, I just flat out love your stupidity and ignorance sometimes.

Bagon, Shelgon ain't likin' this shit. Go jump off a cliff
or someting, but get off of there at once.

In order for Bagon to be able to fly, though, it has to go through an odd pupal stage for no less than 20 levels. There are bone structures covering Shelgon's body, which repel enemy attacks but make it extremely heavy, causing it to neither drink nor eat. Sucks for Shelgon, as it is trapped inside a musty cocoon and limited in its movements when it really, really, really wants to fly. Therefore, cells in Shelgon's armor-like shell are in the midst of transformation to create an entirely new body. Shelgon's wish to fly comes true when it finally reaches its final stage at level 50, evolving into a mighty flying salamander. And powerful it is, as it's prone to completely losing its shit, whether it be out of joy (flying around spouting flames from its mouth, making it bear a liking to archetypal fire-breathing European dragons) or rage (locking itself into an uncontrollable rampage, destroying everything around it until it tires itself out). And all because its desire to fly triggered a mutation that allowed it to grow large, red wings reminiscent to those of a manga character called Devilman - which I have never heard of, by the way. It becomes even worse when Salamence Mega-evolves, when it becomes even more brutal than ever before, up to the point where it is liable to turn against the Trainer who raised it. Anything and anyone in Mega Salamence's path will get sliced in two by its blade-like wings, posing no interruption to its flight, which earned it the notorious nickname of "the blood-soaked crescent". Yikes.

Some badass fan art of Salamence.

And you know what? Salamence is a monster in competitive play, as it is fast and strong and has decent bulk to it. The only downside is that it has a quadruple weakness to ice, making it unable to take even a non-STAB Icy Wind from a Gengar. That's quite alright, though, as you'll have other Pokémon to counter such things. Just try to compose a moveset to the best of your ability, for there are several different ways to utilize Salamence's strength. The first is a Life Orb set supported by a Jolly nature to maximize its speed and the move Dragon Dance to raise its speed and attack by one stage each every time it is used. The second is a Choice Band set supported by a Jolly nature and nothing but attacking moves - preferably physical, although Salamence's base 110 special attack allows it to fire off special attacks quite well, should you be looking for a mixed attacker. You could also opt for a Choice Scarf set, which allows you to potentially run an Adamant nature instead of a Jolly one. For a regular Salamence, the ability Moxie - which increases Salamence's attack by one stage every time it knocks out a Pokémon - is favored at all times, although the attack drop from Intimidate could put opposing Pokémon at a disadvantage at first.

Big, bad Mega Salamence.

When running the Salamencite set, Intimidate is pretty much required. You want to Mega-evolve Salamence as soon as possible, and not just when you've knocked out another Pokémon first in order to get a Moxie boost, so the attack drop from Intimidate before Mega-evolving could give you an edge. Moreover, Mega Salamence is crazy strong anyway; so strong, in fact, that it was banned to Smogon's legendary Uber tier. And if you're up against some insanely powerful legendaries, lowering their attack first could greatly benefit you, especially when you still have to set up with a move like Dragon Dance. After that, though, it'll be fairly easy for Mega Salamence to sweep - or at least leave huge dents in the teams of opponents, allowing you to finish them off quickly. The biggest difference with a regular Salamence's set is that Mega Salamence has Aerilate - I often hear other people butcher it to "Aerialate" for some reason - which is an ability that changes all normal-type moves into flying-type moves and even gives them a 20% boost, meaning Mega Salamence fares greatly on moves like Return and Double-Edge all of a sudden. Mega Salamence does still receive recoil damage from Double-Edge, so if you're going to abuse it, a move like Roost to heal its HP mid-match wouldn't be a luxury.

This image is all kinds of awesome! 

I am not as big a fan of pseudo-legendaries as I probably should be (Pokémon like Dragonite, Tyranitar, Salamence, Garchomp and Goodra are fan favorites, but I don't find them nearly as appealing or exciting as certain other Pokémon), and I'm probably one of the few not giving Salamence a perfect rating - if other people would also rate Pokémon, that is. Now, I think regular Salamence is a little bland design-wise, but I quite like the kite and/or aircraft design on its Mega form, earning it at least 4 stars out of 5. Not bad.

Rating: 4/5

#246 - #248: Larvitar, Pupitar & Tyranitar

Okay, let me confess something here: I don't care for pseudo-legends all that much. Other people would easily give all of them five-star ratings if they would be doing this whole rating thing, but I won't. With the notable exceptions of Metagross and Hydreigon, I don't like pseudos as much as I actually should, and I think the fact that I like Dragonair more than Dragonite is a really good example of that. Don't get me wrong here: I still like Dragonite to some extent, and I'm definitely not going to bash Tyranitar or any of the other pseudos, but you shouldn't expect me to go fanboying over them, either.

Cute little Larvitar holding on to its Substitute plush. 

However, you can't deny that Tyranitar are terrible parents. Its basic form Larvitar is born deep underground, far from its parents, and takes a long time coming to the surface: it will have to eat the surrounding soil before it can see its parents' faces. It will only enter its pupal form - i.e. evolve into Pupitar - upon eating an entire mountain's worth of earth, although in the games it just evolves at level 30. As a Pupitar it becomes trapped in a shell that is so hard that it can even withstand a collision with solid steel, and it has to create a gas inside its body that it compresses and forcefully ejects to propel itself like jet. So it has to fart to move around? That's gross. However, it can move freely inside the shell while its arms and legs are developing, and its thrashing has such destructive power that it can topple a mountain. And Tyranitar? Tyranitar can crush a mountain with one hand. One hand. So... yeah. It has a vicious and insolent nature (see, I told you these things are bad parents!), and it will always be looking for a chance to fight because it knows its thick and rocky hide gives it a good resistance to all forms of attack. It is rarely scared and will never flinch at anything - except at a Serene Grace Air Slash from a Togekiss or a Serene Grace Iron Head from a Jirachi. If it's enraged, Tyranitar will set off outstanding non-STAB Earthquakes (the entire evolutionary line are rock types, but the secondary ground type changes into the dark type when Pupitar evolves into Tyranitar) that can completely change the entire landscape, often forcing cartographers to draw up new maps. So all things summarized, Tyranitar is nothing short of savage.

Pupitar in TCG. 

Now, you'd think that the entire evolutionary line are based on the notorious species of tyrannosaurus rex, but that is not necessarily the case. All of their Japanese names end with the suffix -giras, which may be derived from kirai ('hate') or Gojira and Angiras. Those are the Japanese names of the lizard-like creatures Godzilla and Anguirus, respectively, and are the monsters most often used in old Japanese tokusatsu movies, live-action fantasy or horror films with considerable use of special effects. As Anguirus is based on the ankylosaurus, it is more likely that Godzilla was the inspiration for Larvitar, Pupitar and Tyranitar - or Yogiras (ヨーギラス), Sangiras (サナギラス) and Bangiras (バンギラス) in Japanese. Godzilla itself was designed by combining the tyrannosaur, iguanodon and stegosaur, along with adding some crocodilian features, so we're coming full circle here. And if someone may be wondering what the prefixes of these Pokémon's Japanese names mean: Yogiras is derived from yōji ('baby') and/or yōsei ('larva'), Sangiras contains sanagi ('pupa'), and Bangiras and its foul temper were inspired from yaban ('savage') and/or ban ('barbarian'). That is awfully accurate, I'd say. Additionally, Tyranitar's English name is most likely derived from 'tyrant', referring to its vicious nature, rather than tyrannosaurus rex.

Pretty savage fan art of Mega Tyranitar.

Tyranitar is also a beast in competitive play. Aside from its speed, its base stats are decent to excellent, and it only gets better as Mega Tyranitar. It's not true that there isn't any attack that will leave a scratch on T-tar, but at least Game Freak have shown some consistency by giving it good defenses. Its base 110 defense is already sky-high, but because it's a rock type, its base 100 special defense will even increase by 50% during a sandstorm. And this only applies to regular T-tar. Its Mega has a base stat total of 700, with 164 attack, 150 defense and 120 special defense (before its ability Sand Stream whips up a sandstorm). Holy cow. You'd think it would be impossible to beat Mega T-tar at all, but it is kind of slow and has a whopping seven weaknesses, among which a quadruple one to fighting-type moves, so it has its flaws. There are some useful sets for regular Tyranitar, among which a Jolly Choice Scarf set and an Adamant Choice Band set, both with the Sand Stream ability and staple moves like Crunch, Stone Edge, Pursuit (a 40-power move that does double damage when the foe switches out on the turn it is used) and either Superpower or Earthquake. It can even be used for support, like setting up Stealth Rock and paralyze foes with Thunder Wave, but when using Mega Tyranitar I'd recommend going with a Dragon Dance set. Dragon Dance raises Mega
T-tar's attack and speed by one stage, and when it manages to pull one off, you're in big trouble, because it can finish off your Pokémon with a plethora of STAB and coverage moves.

Regular Tyranitar.

Now, I have another confession to make: I am NOT a fan of Mega Tyranitar. The spikes protruding everywhere from its body and the scales, which are now red instead of blue and enable it to emanate more power because they're seething with energy, only make it overdesigned. The scales do make Mega Tyranitar look more vicious, but they only enhance the notion that there are too many unnecessary additions to its design. So my rating today is for regular Tyranitar, who already looks savage on its own and didn't really need a Mega in the first place. And even though Tyranitar is naturally savage, its blue scales actually give it a somewhat softer look and don't make it look like it's overdesigned. I like Tyranitar more than Dragonite, but it's not one of my favorite Pokémon, so I'll guess it'll have to do with a 4.5-star rating. Which, by the way, isn't bad by any means.

P.S.: There's actually a Smogon Mega T-tar set called 'Indominus Rex', named after the new made-up dinosaur hybrid from Jurassic World. That's just fucking hilarious.

Rating: 4.5/5

#147 - #149: Dratini, Dragonair & Dragonite

For comparison: Dratini (right) and Dragonair
(left) look significantly different than Dragonite
(floating above Dratini and Dragonair).

Okay, so... I understand the concept of evolution and I know Pokémon evolution is a whole different take on this concept. But usually, Pokémon that can evolve gradually change into a final form that looks like its pre-evolution(s), whether by shape, appearance, logic, color scheme or all of the above. Bulbasaur is a dinosaur-like reptile with a seed bulb on its back and is known to evolve into Ivysaur, who has a flower on its back that's about to bloom, and then one more time into Venusaur, a huge-ass dinosaur whose flower has finally fully bloomed. Squirtle is a turtle whose final form is an even bigger turtle with fucking cannons on its back, and Charmander's change into Charizard goes quite smoothly, even though both Charmander and Charmeleon look more like salamanders than reptiles or (flying) dragons. Butterfree doesn't even remotely resemble its pre-evolutions, but it's common knowledge that ugly catterpillars change into beautiful butterflies. The evolution of Magikarp into Gyarados seems odd, but it's based on the Chinese legend of how carp leaping over the Dragon Gate become dragons. But how on Earth does the beautiful, elegant, serpent-like Dragonair evolve into the ugly, plump and clumsy Dragonite? It's... it's just... I don't get it. I really don't get it. And to make matters even worse, Dragonite's shiny form has a sickly green color to it, which is so unlike Dragonair's shiny, with its pinkish body and the bright golden color of its beads. It's so pretty and elegant. That can't exactly be said of Dragonite, not even of its regular form.

Dragonair looks really savage in this amazing piece of fan art! In
fact, I think it resembles Norse sea serpent Jörmungandr a little
here.

It's even more confusing when you realize that Dratini, Dragonair and Dragonite all seem to be based on the same entities: ryū, Chinese and Japanese dragons that are often depicted as serpent-shaped water deities that traditionally symbolize auspicious powers, particularly control over water, rainfall, typhoons and floods, and are often thought to be bringers of strength and good luck. And that's what Dratini and Dragonair's flavor is all about, too. Dratini (despite its name some Dratini can exceed 6'06", which is actually quite big) is filled with life energy and thus it is constantly growing, shedding its skin regularly in a lair behind a waterfall. Its constant growth may be a nod to Jörmungandr, a sea serpent from Norse mythology that is believed to be the middle child of Loki (if you don't know who that is, you should watch The Avengers). According to Norse folklore, the god Odin took Loki's three children and threw Jörmungandr in the great ocean that encircles Midgard, causing him to grow so rapidly that he was able to surround the Earth and grasp his own tail.

This picture really emphasizes Dragonair's beauty.

And let's face it, Dratini and Draonair are based on sea serpents. Dragonair has such a large amount of energy in its body that it can discharge it through the crystalline orbs on its neck and tail, causing its body to brighten and give off an aura that can change climate conditions in its vicinity. By itself, it exudes a gentle aura of mysteriousness. The beads on its tail may refer to the rattlesnake being one of the things that may have been the inspiration for Dragonair. Another is Hermes, the Greek god of transitions and boundaries; an intercessor between the mortal and the divine; the protector and patron of herdsman, thieves, oratory and wit, literature and poetry, athletics and sports, invention and trade, roads, boundaries, and travelers; the conductor of souls into the afterlife; and the emissary and messenger of the gods. And only because the wing-like ears on Dragonair's head, with which it is sometimes seen flying, resemble the wings on Hermes's hat and sandals. Notwithstanding, it's more likely that Dragonair is based on the imugi, a species of lesser serpentine dragons that all full-fledged dragons once were, according to Korean mythology. After an imugi lives a thousand years, it will have to catch a jewel (called a Yeouiju) that falls from the sky in order to become a true dragon. The jewel on Dragonair's neck might also be a reference to the Japanese folktale The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, in which the princess Kaguya-hime challenges her suitors to bring her back some items, including a colored jewel from a dragon's neck.

Whew. All these legends are dizzying me right now, and I haven't even had the chance to discuss Dragonite yet. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a longer article than I anticipated.

Fan art of two Dragonair, one of them shiny, embracing each
other. Yet again, this image emphasizes how pretty Dragonair
actually is, as opposed to Dragonite.

Okay. So. Dragonite. I may have given you the suggestion that I hate this thing, but I don't. I just think Dragonair is prettier and more elegant and its body parts are proportinal to its shape, size and appearance. This is not the case with Dragonite: despite being bigger and having a bulkier physique (Dragonair probably only reaches a length of 13'01" when you stretch it out), the horn on its head is actually smaller than Dragonair's, and the wings are too small relative to the size of its body. Beats me how it can fly faster than the speed of sound, being able to circle the globe in 16 hours at a pace of 1,556 mph (Mach 2). Dragonite is an intelligent and benevolent Pokémon that is known for its altruism: it searches for and saves drowning sailors and leads lost and foundering ships back to shore, hence its nickname 'Guardian of the Sea'. It is even often described as a marine Pokémon that is said to make its home somewhere in the sea. But as Chinese and Japanese dragons are often shown as being serpentine, Dragonite definitely isn't. It shares some traits with 'normal' dragons, but not too many, and I don't think we should deviate from Dratini and Dragonair's flavor anyway. Because, after all, Dragonite is a sea dragon of some sort, and I guess I'll just have to deal with the fact that Game Freak have done a bad job creating a proper evolution for Dragonair.

Some pretty cool fan art of Dragonite.

Well, at least design-wise. Because competitively, Dragonite is one of the best Pokémon to use! With a base stat total of 600 (and being the final form in a three-stage evolution line), Dragonite is considered a pseudo-legendary Pokémon, alongside Tyranitar, Salamence, Metagross, Garchomp, Hydreigon and Goodra. With the exception of Metagross, pseudo-legendaries are usually dragon-type or dragon-like Pokémon that are hard to obtain, emphasizing the power and rarity of the dragon type. This was especially apparent in the first two generations: Dratini and its evolutions were the only dragon types in Red, Blue and Yellow, and Kingdra was the only dragon-type addition to Gold, Silver and Crystal. It was almost as if they were exclusive to those who could tame them, but at least you get something in return: Dragonite is crazy strong and has access to some pretty sweet moves, if I may say so. One move is a must-have for Dragonite: Dragon Dance increases its attack and speed by one stage each. If you can pull off one or two of those, you can fire away with moves like Dragon Claw, Earthquake, Aqua Tail, Outrage, the elemental punches, Brick Break, Steel Wing, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Power-Up Punch, Waterfall, Dragon Rush, Iron Tail, Extreme Speed, Iron Head, Superpower... Whatever floats your boat (no pun intended). With a Jolly nature, a Lum Berry as its held item (heals any status condition) and its hidden ability Multiscale (halves the damage from an incoming move when Dragonite is at full HP), you'll be set. With Dragon Dance in its arsenal, an Adamant Dragonite might not be a bad idea, and a Life Orb can be chosen over a Lum Berry instead. Just be aware that this item breaks Multiscale. Finally, a Choice Band set isn't uncommon, but you won't be able to use Dragon Dance, which is kind of a shame, to be honest.

In the end, Dragonite is an absolute MONSTER in competitive play, although I don't really like it design-wise. Dragonair has always appealed to me more than Dragonite did, and it has become one of my favorite Pokémon to date. It probably won't surprise you that Dragonair gets a perfect rating and Dragonite doesn't, and they're the first pre-evo and final stage within the same generation to pull that trick. (Magneton and Magmar did it before, but their evolutions are both Gen. IV Pokémon and were introduced 11 years after their pre-evos were.)

Rating Dragonair: 5/5

Rating Dragonite: 4/5